


Lukewarm Rain and Rough Passion

by dogmaticdeux



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Angst, Blind idiots in love, Cheating, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reita being a douche, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Verbal Abuse, Violence, kinky smut, leg fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:00:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 232,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15443706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogmaticdeux/pseuds/dogmaticdeux
Summary: “So… you never fucked a guy before, that it?”When Yuu wakes up to another man after a night filled with booze, he is beyond freaked out. Not knowing what else to do, he flees the apartment, thinking that he won’t ever have to see the other man again.Unfortunately, trying to forget his ‘mistake’ turns out to be a lot harder than expected when he runs into him again at work the very next day.





	1. Chapter 1

_Don’t look up._

Yuu clutched his half-emptied glass tighter, and grimly stared down his drink. His right foot was restlessly moving to the beat of the pounding music that filled the large, sticky room as he tried to ignore those piercing eyes that had been tracing his features for quite some time now. At first he had thought that he was only imagining things, having drunk well past what was reasonable; but every time he timidly glanced upward and across the counter of the bar he was sitting at, those same eyes would meet his, accompanied by a smug grin and expectantly raised eyebrows.

Yuu’s fingers started to thrum nervously, and his black-painted fingernails clinked faintly on the cold glass.

Why wouldn’t that blonde guy stop staring at him? If he hadn’t been this drunk, Yuu might have been able to tell when exactly this ridiculous staring had started, but his head was feeling dizzy (the whole purpose of getting himself drunk on a Saturday night, really) and he had lost track of time quite a while ago, which made it impossible for him to say how long he had been at the bar. How long this stranger had been… checking him out?

Yuu swallowed thickly. This was absurd. Why would this guy be checking him out? And why wouldn’t he stop?

What was even more important – why couldn’t Yuu just walk up to him and tell him to stop bothering him already with his damn looks? Right. Because that uncomfortable knot in his stomach grew every second he felt those eyes on him, gluing him to his seat, making it simply impossible for him to get his shit together and act like a man. Moreover, he really didn’t need for this situation to get any weirder than it already was. That guy would grow tired of his evasive behaviour eventually, and – hopefully – move on to another target. Plus, Yuu really didn’t want to deal with the embarrassment if he had only imagined all of this after all, hallucinating in his drunken delirium that some random guy was eyeing him like some piece of sweet, delicious candy.

Yuu gulped down the rest of his drink. He had lost count of how many he had had this night, and he was pretty sure that if the hangover didn’t kill him the next day, his best friend Yutaka surely would. He always tried to talk Yuu out of his drinking escapades, and Yuu had promised him to not get wasted this weekend. But then his father had come up with this preposterous talk about finding Yuu a suitable wife himself if he wasn’t able to get one on his own. All because he believed Yuu needed a woman to become a ‘decent young man worthy of the name Shiroyama and all that came with it’. As if ‘suitable’ women were lying around on the streets, waiting to be picked up like some roadside flowers – ridiculous.

That talk had evolved into a heated conversation until they were both yelling at each other, and the argument had ended in Yuu rushing out of his father’s office, slamming the door shut behind him with the full intention of getting as smashed as possible in the evening. He didn’t care that he was acting like a rebellious teenager even though he was twenty-eight years old. If his father was so intent on treating him like a child, he would surely play the part.

Forcing all these unpleasant thoughts about his family drama that only made him want to consume more alcohol aside, he carefully stood up as to not make a fool out of himself by tripping over his own two feet or the barstool. Resisting the urge to cast another look at that blonde guy at the other end of the counter, Yuu purposefully walked toward the dance floor. He had come here to drink and to distract himself, and his swaying gait was unmistakably telling him that he was all done drinking for tonight. At least if he still planned on making it home on his own, and not collapse at the bar like some pitiful office workers tended to do every now and then.

Sighing, he pushed his way through the dancing couples, trying to ignore the sting in his heart. It was not like he hadn’t tried to find a woman, hell, he had tried plenty of times. It just seemed that Yuu simply had no luck when it came to love – or even any serious, lasting relationships in general. He bit his lip as loneliness clawed itself into his heart yet again, where it paired up with the crippling anxiety that surely it had to be his fault. That surely, something was wrong with him, and that this was the reason why he just always ended up alone. He couldn’t even name the last time he had been interested in a woman, much less gotten emotionally involved with one. And to top things off, there was that constant, nagging feeling at the back of his head that maybe, just maybe he was simply-

_No._

He wouldn’t go there again. He was just lonely and frustrated, and more so, majorly drunk and that was it. Jumping to conclusions about his sexuality was simply stupid and rash, and totally not what he ought to be doing in the middle of a night club.

Taking a deep breath, Yuu closed his eyes, took in the electronic beats of the deafening music, and began to move his body to the rhythm. Normally, he much preferred heavy guitar riffs, but any music was good enough to let himself go, and try to forget his worries. Plus, he had always liked dancing, swaying his hips to the music, feeling every note resonate within his body and flood him from head to toe.

Part of him wished he had asked Yutaka to accompany him tonight, but first, his friend was working a night shift at the restaurant and second, he _really_ disliked night clubs and dancing and getting totally shitfaced. He would be so disappointed in Yuu if he found out where he had spent the night. Which, knowing Yutaka, he probably would since Yuu simply couldn’t hide anything from him. Still, he would have appreciated the company.

It didn’t take long, though, before he saw the first woman approach him with determined movements that were a stark contrast to her shy smile. Thinking to himself that it wouldn’t hurt to give it yet another try, Yuu decided to indulge her. He flashed her a polite smile, which made her blush and seemingly encouraged her enough to rest her arms on his shoulders as she tried to match his rhythm. She was undoubtedly as intoxicated as he was, and was only looking for a good time as well.

And Yuu tried.

He really tried to have a good time. He put his hands on her hips, and held his breath as her body pressed closely against his.

But all he felt was… _nothing_.

No arousal when her chest rubbed against him, no desire to let his hands explore more southern regions of her body like most of the other men around them did to their dancing partners. With a blank expression, he let his eyes wander around the room to look at all those happy people who surrounded them while they enjoyed themselves as they clashed their bodies together, smashed their lips against each other’s, laughed and giggled. All while he felt nothing at all.

Nothing but the same old dreadful feeling that something was inherently wrong with him.

In a daze, his eyes scanned all these unfamiliar faces, searching for something, _anything_ , even though he didn’t even know what he was hoping to find. The alcohol had long clouded his mind, and his senses were all fuzzy. He didn’t even realize the disappointed, “Tch” his female dancing partner sent his way upon his indifference towards her, before she let go of his shoulders and stormed off to look elsewhere for her good time. Instead, he just kept looking around, feeling like a little child that had lost its mother in a big crowd at the mall.

That was when their eyes locked again.

But this time, Yuu was unable to look away. Maybe he was just too numb from the alcohol to care. Maybe he was just too desperate.

He didn’t move an inch from where he was standing as he watched the mysterious blonde guy stride towards him with a determined look on his face. For a brief moment, Yuu wondered whether he had seen his struggles with the company of a woman from afar, and whether he had possibly mocked or pitied him in secret. The thought of having been watched by the blonde the entire time, however, sent shivers down his spine. Once more he saw those eyes skim over him, studying his figure thoroughly while the blonde shamelessly licked his lower lip. Yuu didn’t care, and for some strange reason, this time he didn’t mind, either.

He also didn’t mind the blonde coming to a halt just inches away from him with a ridiculously appealing smirk tugging at the corner of his lipstick-painted mouth. And he sure as hell didn’t mind the blonde running his fingers over his chest before he placed his hands on Yuu’s shoulders like that woman had done previously, before he began to move in sync with the music.

Yuu’s hands started to move on their own accord; they gripped the blonde’s hips and pulled him against his own heated body while his mind shut off completely.

The blonde’s smirk grew into a grin, and after a few more seconds in which they swayed to the music, he spun around quickly, gripped Yuu’s neck with one hand and pressed his ass against Yuu’s crotch.

Yuu gasped in surprise at the sudden rush of blood shooting downwards. If the blonde’s glances had driven him insane before, then this was a new level of madness.

Subconsciously, Yuu buried his face in the blonde locks, inhaling the other’s scent as he tried to catch his breath. Painfully, his teeth bit down on his lower lip in a meek attempt to hold in a moan that was threatening to escape his throat as the blonde continued to grind his body against Yuu’s, moving along to the song. Burying his fingernails deeply in the black-and-white fabric of the blonde’s suit, Yuu pressed his growing hard-on against the smaller man’s lower back, feeling the blonde’s fingers tug at strands of his long hair in response as he uttered a pleased sigh himself.

Yuu’s mind went completely blank when the blonde turned his head to the side, and smashed their lips together in a heated kiss. He didn’t even fully register himself return the kiss immediately.

He was too far gone to care that anyone could see him make out with another man in the middle of the dance floor, had anyone cared enough to pay them any mind.

He was too far gone to care about anything anymore. His brain had long melted into nothingness, leaving behind nothing but want and desire; feelings that had lain dormant deep inside of him for far too long. All he still cared about was how _fucking good_ it felt to be kissed by the blonde.

Before long, however, the smaller man broke their kiss, and licked his lips with a satisfied smirk, his eyes dark with lust. Yuu’s disappointment at the lack of lips pressed against his went up in smoke at the blonde’s breathed words that gently caressed his ear only seconds later.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Yuu didn’t protest as the blonde grabbed his hand, and dragged him through the sweating, dancing crowd, heading straight for the exit.

* * *

A merciless throbbing woke Yuu from a deep and dreamless slumber. He grunted at the pain pulsing through his skull, sluggishly opening his eyelids to stare at a bright white ceiling. He sighed in relief when the world around him stopped spinning after a few seconds, and even though he felt extremely tired, he was more relaxed than he had been in a long time.

Furrowing his brows, he turned his head to his left to take a look at his alarm clock; his gaze stopped midway, and he confusedly stared at the black wardrobe he didn’t recognize. The clogs in his head started moving immediately, trying to recall what had transpired the previous night, but it was like someone had cut out big chunks of his memories. There were bits and pieces missing everywhere.

_Great._

He hadn’t had a blackout in years, so of course it had to happen on the exact occasion when he found himself in an unfamiliar bedroom. All he remembered were a lot of alcohol, a woman approaching him, and piercing eyes that made him shudder in a weirdly pleasant way.

The shuffling of sheets caught his attention, and Yuu turned his head the other direction, half expecting to find that woman from his memories lying next to him. Instead, he was greeted with the sleeping features of someone entirely different.

Yuu gasped, and he stared at the person sleeping soundly right beside him in horror. His heart started pounding faster as his brain tried to process what his eyes were seeing. For though he saw traces of make-up on that person’s face, it clearly didn’t belong to a woman – it was a man’s face he was staring into.

_What the fuck?!_

Jolting up into a sitting position, Yuu regarded the man with utmost panic, his eyes wandering from his face downward to his naked, exposed shoulder.

_Oh God, no._

Pushing the covers aside, Yuu felt his stomach turn as he realized that he was completely naked himself.

He didn’t…?

Surely, he couldn’t have…?

This was all just some terrible misunderstanding, or a prank Yutaka had come up with to pay him back for his broken promise.

Right?

Tags of memories hit him, memories that made his blood turn cold. The blonde man walking towards him on the dance floor. Him kissing Yuu before dragging him outside and into a waiting cab. And something else burned at the edge of his mind. A name.

Takanori.

Was that the blonde’s name?

Yuu swallowed to wet his dry mouth, hastily swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. What did it matter what that guy’s name was, for heaven’s sake? Yuu didn’t exactly recall what had happened the previous night, but from what little intel he had gathered, it couldn’t have been anything good. He should just see to it that he got out of that damn apartment as quickly as possible, preferably without that Takanori guy noticing, and leave _this mistake_ behind as soon as possible.

Lady luck, however, was still not very considerate towards him, and he got one of his legs tangled up in the blanket. He lost his balance, swearing as his hand collided with the wardrobe loudly in his attempt to keep himself from falling.

Yuu was still cursing at his own stupidity when he heard an irritated grunt, followed by a yawn.

_Shit._

“What the hell are you doing to my wardrobe?” Takanori asked in a husky voice that gave Yuu goosebumps.

“Uhm,” turning around with reluctance, Yuu looked at him sheepishly. “I- uhm… I was only…” He closed his mouth, frowning at his inability to form coherent sentences.

Sitting up, Takanori looked him over skeptically. He raised an eyebrow as his eyes scanned Yuu’s still very much naked body. His tongue darted out to lick his lower lip in either anticipation or remembrance; Yuu didn’t want to know which one it was.

“I was looking for my clothes!” he exclaimed, blushing furiously. He grabbed the blanket hastily to cover up his private parts, which earned him an amused chuckle from the other.

“Well, they’re definitely not in there.” Takanori nodded towards his wardrobe.

Yuu shook his head no, of course he knew they weren’t in there, he just really didn’t feel the urge to explain to Takanori exactly why he had almost fallen face-first into his goddamn wardrobe. Trying to ignore his prying gaze, Yuu looked around the room instead, taking in the plain elegance of the rest of the furniture that mainly consisted of a large bed, a chest of drawers and a dressing table. He also noticed how spick-and-spat everything was; Takanori seemed to be a very tidy person.

Much to his regret, however, he didn’t spot his clothes anywhere. “Uhm, do you know where they are by any chance?” Even if he made an effort to remember where his clothes had ended up the previous night, he was sure that his throbbing headache would make it impossible for him to recall anything, so he saw no point in torturing his battered brain even more.

Takanori seemed to be reading his mind. “That bad, huh?” he commented on Yuu’s pain-ridden expression, fluffed up his pillow and leaned against the headboard. “Try the hallway,” he suggested nonchalantly as he stretched his arms over his head to creak his joints.

Yuu, however, was frozen in place. He was contemplating whether he should drag the blanket all the way into the hall or suck it up and present himself to Takanori once more in all his _glory,_ when Takanori’s words hit him to the full extent. Immediately, his imagination conjured up pictures of the two of them being too horny and too impatient to wait until they were in the bedroom, stumbling through the hallway, ripping off each other’s clothes in the process. Yuu paled when the reality of what he had done dawned on him yet again.

How could this have happened?

“Are you okay?” Takanori’s voice pulled him back into the present, but all Yuu could do was stare at him silently. How was he supposed to answer Takanori properly if he couldn’t even untangle that big mess of thoughts rushing through his own mind, completely unable to comprehend the situation?

Again, all Yuu wanted to do was run. Get as far away from this whole predicament as soon as possible. His silence, however, didn’t exactly work in his favor, since Takanori seemed to come up with his own explanations as to why Yuu was acting so strangely. “This wasn’t your first one-night-stand, was it?” he asked carefully as if he was trying not to upset Yuu further.

Yuu blinked in surprise, focusing his eyes on Takanori, who was leaning forward apprehensively. “What?” he croaked out in a hoarse voice, trying to wrap his brain around Takanori’s words. “No, of course not!” And it was the truth. Yuu had had all kinds of one-night-stands over the years, though it was nothing to brag about given the fact that most of the time he had only desperately tried to connect with someone; if not on an emotional level, then at least on a physical one. He had slept with his fair share of women, he had just never woken up to another man before.

“So… you never fucked a guy before, that it?”

This time, Takanori’s assumption was spot-on, causing Yuu to flinch; he felt as though someone had emptied a bucket of ice-cold water on his head. If there had remained even the slightest bit of doubt as to what had transpired between them the previous night, Takanori had just unmistakably spelled it out for him in black and white.

“O-of course not!” Yuu quickly replied, trying to calm his hammering heart. “I don’t swing that way!” Releasing the blanket from his tight clutch, Yuu let it fall to the ground, and resorted to the only thing he could think of doing.

He ran.

Blurting out a hurried, “Sorry, I have to go,” he crossed the room, and fled into the empty hallway, leaving a dumbfounded Takanori behind.

Breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of his clothes scattered across the hallway floor, Yuu picked them up as quickly as he could, putting them on while running around the hall like a maniac. He didn’t care what a pitiful sight he must have presented, all he cared about was getting out of this building within the next few minutes.

Slipping into his boots, he quickly left the apartment.

He only allowed himself to catch his breath after the elevator doors had closed behind him, engulfing him in much needed solitude. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against the big mirror. He tried his hardest to stifle the hysterical laughter arising in his throat.

 _It’s no big deal_ , he tried to reassure himself as he slowly ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. _You slept with a guy, so what? You can’t remember any of it and it’s not like you’re ever gonna see him again anyway. So calm the fuck down!_ He breathed in and out a few times, trying to get a grip on the panic that had spread throughout his whole body, and was currently paralyzing him.

Nobody would ever find out about his slip-up, and as soon as he had left this goddamn apartment complex behind him, the only person that knew would be out of his life forever. Nobody else would ever come to know this, and he would be able to return to his normal life. Pretend like none of this had ever happened. Just forget about it altogether, and never deal with Takanori again.

If only he knew how very wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to ino-en-blue for beta-ing!!


	2. Chapter 2

Releasing a content sigh, Takanori stepped out of the shower, grabbed one of the big soft towels and wrapped it around his waist. He always felt slightly better after a nice long hot shower, and this time wasn’t any different.

Another reason for his momentary state of bliss might have been his latest one-night-stand, though. First, he hadn’t thought that he would find someone to spend the night with this time. But soon after, Yuu had caught his attention and he had found himself unable to take his eyes off of him because _goddamn_ if this man wasn’t one of the most beautiful human beings he had ever laid his eyes upon. And Yuu hadn’t been just a pretty face; that much had become clear during their second heated round.

Though Yuu’s pitiful struggles the morning after had put a small damper on the incredible sex. However, having been through the difficult process of coming to terms with one’s own sexuality, Takanori couldn’t help but sympathize with him. And Yuu wasn’t exactly straight, that much was obvious – at least to Takanori.

_That’s not my problem, though_ , he thought to himself as he used his fingers to comb through his wet hair. And he most definitely had enough problems of his own to deal with.

He exchanged the towel for a pair of boxers, followed by his favorite dark gray sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt before he left the bathroom. In the hallway, he started to pick up his discarded clothes, first grabbing his pants and rummaging through the pockets for his phone.

His breath froze as he checked the screen for new messages by force of habit; a cold hand reached for his heart, squeezing it until he felt like it was going to get crushed to pieces. His fingers tightened around the phone until his knuckles went white, and all the relaxation of his body got extinguished in an instant like a candle that had been blown out, leaving him with the familiar numbing feeling of emptiness and pain.

_2 missed calls (Kouyou)_

_6 missed calls (Akira)_

_3 new messages (Akira)_

_Akira: can we talk?_

_Akira: please pick up!_

_Akira: I miss you so much, please, Taka-chan! please give me a chance to make this right!_

His stomach twisted painfully at the all too familiar pet name. Desperately blinking away the tears, he shut off his phone completely, and tried to steady his breathing and calm his shaking hands.

_It’s your own fucking fault_ , he told himself angrily as he leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down until he sat on the wooden floor. _If you weren’t this pathetic and weak, you wouldn’t have to deal with this shit._ He closed his burning eyes, and bumped his head against the wall several times.

Three months and he still wasn’t able to do it.

Three months of all this bullshit, all this misery and pain and he still couldn’t hit that fucking ‘block’ button on his stupid phone, much less change his fucking number.

_You’re pathetic, pathetic, pathetic!_

The ringing of the doorbell followed by a knock at the front door pulled him out of his catatonic state. He looked up in confusion; he wasn’t expecting any visitors. Besides, he really didn’t feel like facing whoever was on the other side of that door. He just wanted to be left alone with his heartache and wallow in his self-pity.

His unknown guest, however, had other plans as he knocked a second and a third time, each time increasing the force of his knocks. Then, he abused the doorbell for several seconds.

“Go away!” Takanori shouted in a hoarse voice, and he threw his pants in the general direction of the front door. Not that he managed to throw them very far, which only worsened his mood, making him growl in anger. He felt like hitting something, preferably that fucking bastard Akira.

“Taka, please open up. It’s me.”

Hearing the muffled voice of his best friend made his chest tighten in guilt. He should have guessed that Kouyou would rush over to his place after he hadn’t answered his phone in over twelve hours. He should have known that going dark on him like that would make him worry.

Kouyou was simply too good for him.

That thought made him bite his lower lip in shame, causing Takanori to push himself up. He would have completely fallen apart back then if it hadn’t been for Kouyou – he knew this for a fact.

Staggering towards the front door, he pulled it open, and greeted his best friend with a forced smile. “What are you doing here?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could manage.

The man with the auburn hair gave him a wary once-over, furrowing his brows at Takanori’s twisted face. “I was worried about you,” Kouyou explained in a soft tone, then he pushed past Takanori into the hallway.

“I’m fine,” Takanori lied, closing the door behind him while he tried his best not to avoid Kouyou’s piercing gaze and cast any suspicion on the authenticity of his words.

Kouyou’s frown only deepened; he closed the distance between them to flip Takanori’s forehead with his fingers. “How many times have I told you not to lie to me?” he scolded him gently, maintaining his calm like he had during each and every one of Takanori’s breakdowns.

When Takanori didn’t answer, he glanced around the hallway. With raised eyebrows he took in the scattered clothes. “What happened here?”

Takanori shrugged before he resumed his task of picking up his clothes. “Nothing,” he murmured, scuffling into the bedroom, Kouyou on his heels. He knew Kouyou wouldn’t buy his lie, and that he didn’t deserve this kind of treatment, but Takanori couldn’t help it; it had become like a reflex over the last three months. Talking about his messed up state was simply agonizing. He always managed to play it cool, hide behind this mask of confidence when he was at the company, or on a night out dancing and drinking and getting fucked by strangers, but he couldn’t hide any of it from Kouyou.

Or from himself, for that matter.

“You need to stop doing this to yourself.” Kouyou’s voice was a mere whisper, filled with sorrow and worry.

Takanori dumped last night’s clothes on the chair of his dressing table, and uttered a sardonic laugh at Kouyou’s words. “And what is _this_ , exactly?” he snapped as he felt another wave of pain hit him like a tsunami. “What’s wrong with finding some distractions from my fucking misery every now and then? What’s wrong with trying not to feel _anything_ for at least a few hours?!”

Feeling the tears stream down his face, he furiously rubbed his cheeks to wipe the treacherous wetness away as quickly as possible. He was so fucking angry at himself. He was angry for crying again, seeing how he had cried his fair share over the last months. He was angry for letting his pain and frustration out on Kouyou, who simply didn’t deserve this crappy treatment. He was angry for robbing himself of any resemblance of self-worth by sleeping around with stranger after stranger. Hell, the only guy that hadn’t treated him like some piece of meat to satisfy his own needs, and had actually given a damn about what pleased Takanori had been Yuu; even though he had been completely drunk and beyond horny.

But most of all, Takanori was angry for not being able to move on, to let go of his feelings for Akira that were destroying him steadily from the inside out.

Exhausted from all his swirling emotions, he sunk onto the mattress, clutching the bedsheet with both hands. “I’m sorry,” he sniveled remorsefully. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, Shima. I’m so sorry.”

Sighing, Kouyou walked over to him, and took a seat right next to Takanori. He wrapped his arm around his trembling shoulders to pull him against his chest.

Takanori closed his eyes as he buried his face in Kouyou’s shirt. “It won’t stop hurting, no matter what I do,” he muttered into the soft fabric with a broken voice.

Kouyou started rubbing his shoulder, his chin rested on top of his head. “I know, Taka, I know.”

“He tried to call me again.” Takanori’s voice was a mere whisper as if he was afraid that Kouyou was going to yell at him for his stupidity. Although deep down he knew that Kouyou would most likely assure him how none of this was his fault.

_Yeah, right._

He felt Kouyou tense at his words, which caused him to glance up wearily. Kouyou wasn’t the person to lose his calm and start screaming at someone, but that didn’t mean that the taller man was immune to anger. “I swear to God, I’m gonna bash his face in if I ever see him again.”

Takanori flinched at Kouyou’s harsh words which caused him to almost instantly regret having opened his foolish mouth in the first place, and he dug his teeth into his lower lip. Kouyou and Akira had been such close friends before this shit had happened. Kouyou had even been the one to introduce him to Akira, and Takanori had ruined everything because he had been so fucking stupid and blind.

Hearing Kouyou speak this way about someone he had once cared for deeply tore Takanori’s heart apart. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized for the billionth time, though it never felt enough. “I’m so sorry for ruining your friendship.”

“No,” Kouyou objected with a level-headedness that was almost scarily calm. Having been his best friend for almost twenty years though, Takanori knew that he was boiling on the inside. His clenched jaw told him as much. “Akira’s the one who ruined our friendship with what he did to you. With everything he put you through. Please stop blaming yourself.”

Takanori swallowed dryly as memories he had desperately tried to repress began to surface again, and started to run around his head like a carousel, making his heart cry in agony. Memories of the day his seemingly perfect little world had been set ablaze, flaring like an inferno, until everything had burned to the ground. Until nothing but ashes of his shattered self had been left in its wake.

The day he had come home early from a business trip to surprise his boyfriend of seven years and love of his life (at least that was what he had thought), only to be the one getting a big fat ugly surprise instead.

The image of Akira thrusting hard into another man on their shared bed had burned itself into Takanori’s mind forever.

And that hadn’t even been the best part.

Not by a long shot.

For after having literally been caught with his pants down, Akira had of course tried to play things down. His rueful apologies had been interrupted by stammered attempts to assure Takanori that he hadn’t meant for this to happen. That it had only happened once. That it would never happen again. Lies after lies accompanied by his pleas to please forgive him for he had never meant to hurt Takanori like this.

_Right, and Santa Clause is real._

Unfortunately, Akira’s little _boy toy_ hadn’t seemed to like these words at all, and had informed Takanori of how Akira had been fucking him “for well over five months now”.

That had been when Takanori’s little bubble of a perfect life had burst into a thousand tiny pieces. He didn’t remember much after that, only how he had punched Akira in the face as he had called him a lying, cheating piece of shit before he had rushed out of their apartment to his car, where he had broken down completely.

He had moved out of their apartment within the next two days.

He had thrown himself into his work, as well as alcohol and meaningless sex. But no matter how many one-night-stands he had, he still couldn’t get Akira out of his head. The other always lingered at the edge of his mind like a parasite, ready to turn into a roaring beast and strike him down whenever he least expected it.

The worst part was that he hadn’t seen it coming.

Like every ordinary couple they had had their ups and downs, but all in all, Takanori had considered them to be happy. He had considered them to be normal. To be fine.

How could he have been so fucking blind?

And why hadn’t Akira simply talked to him instead of screwing the next best thing?

After three months of trying to make sense of it all, he still didn’t know the answer to either of these questions.

All he knew was that he would have lost his mind if it hadn’t been for Kouyou.

“I don’t deserve you, you know that?” Takanori broke the silence that had formed between them, forcefully pushing aside his excruciating trip down memory lane.

And it was true.

Kouyou had been by his side throughout the whole ordeal, never once wavering, never once losing his patience, even when Takanori had been throwing things at him, yelling at him and sobbing non-stop in his heartbreak. Kouyou had been his rock all while Takanori had behaved like the worst friend ever, causing Kouyou nothing but trouble.

It was all thanks to Kouyou that he had regained some of his sanity, and Kouyou was also the one who had found him his new apartment. Takanori was convinced that he didn’t deserve him, and he didn’t know how to ever repay him for all he had done and still continued to do for him.

Kouyou’s body relaxed, and he smiled warmly at him. “I know,” he answered with a self-satisfied grin. He squeezed Takanori’s shoulder, which managed to draw a faint laugh from his lips as he did so. “But you’re like my idiot baby brother, and I gotta take care of you, don’t I?”

Takanori pouted as he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Stop calling me that. Makes me feel small.” He didn’t protest about being called an idiot, though. God knew he deserved that, and much worse.

“Oh but you _are_ small,” Kouyou started to tease him. He pinched his cheek in a caring gesture. “Look at you, you’re a midget!”

Bursting with laughter, he jumped off the mattress to evade getting kicked in the chin by Takanori, whose cheeks were puffed out in playful anger. Instead, Takanori’s foot only kicked the empty space between them. “See? Your legs are so short, you can’t even reach me.”

Kouyou’s teasing took effect; Takanori pushed himself off the mattress as well to launch his body at him and rain down all his wrath on him. “Okay, that does it!” he sneered indignantly. “No fucking ice-cream for you, Mister Look-at-me-I’m-so-tall-and-handsome.”

However, Kouyou’s legs were longer than his by a considerable amount, so he was out the door before Takanori even had the chance to reach him. With a huff, he started to chase after his best friend, who was still laughing with all his heart, thereby momentarily forgetting all his worries and pain.

He truly would have been lost if it hadn’t been for Kouyou.

 

* * *

 

The familiar smell of his favorite Ramen noodles greeted Yuu as he pushed open the door to the small family-owned restaurant. He bowed to the young lady at the front desk, breathing in the warm air that filled him with bliss after having been out in the freezing air for far too long for his liking.

Taking off his jacket, he sat down at his usual spot, and groaned as his stomach convulsed in protest at the normally appetizing smell of home-cooked delicacies. But his hangover still clung to him like a little child; the painkillers he had taken earlier at least provided remedy against his headache, but Yuu didn’t trust his stomach to accept any food anytime soon.

This was going to be fun.

“Long time no see, stranger,” a merry voice greeted him, and Yuu lifted his head to look into his best friend’s smiling face. Yutaka was wearing a white apron over a black shirt, and he rolled down his sleeves as he sat down across the table, facing Yuu.

Yuu couldn’t help but immediately feel better at that sunny smile, and he gladly returned it. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Work’s been crazy lately,” he sighed, rolling his eyes in annoyance. He neither loved nor detested his job, but working with his father surely took its toll on him; his father had him go insane on a weekly basis. If not daily.

Yutaka tilted his head, and looked at him with furrowed brows, which made Yuu shift in discomfort under his scrutinizing look. “You look like shit,” he commented dryly.

Yuu uttered a humorless laugh. “Wow, tell me what you think.” Grimacing, he stuck out his tongue to Yutaka.

“Have you been drinking again?” Yutaka inquired, totally ignoring Yuu’s comment.

There he was, doing his thing again.

Crossing his arms before his chest, Yutaka narrowed his eyes, which made him look like a disappointed mother that had caught her child with both hands in the cookie-jar only minutes before dinner.

Yuu’s face fell, and he sighed in defeat. It wasn’t like he had expected to fool him, anyway. He was feeling way too battered to put up a show, so it was best to not turn into an even bigger disappointment by denying it. Plus, he had already paid the ultimate price for his thoughtless actions, so for once, Yutaka’s disappointment wasn’t the worst thing to deal with.

That said, he still hated to see that frown of disapproval upon his best friend’s face. Because Yuu knew all too well that his coping mechanisms were anything but perfect. Pitiful at best, completely pathetic, at worst. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I promised you not to go out for a drink, but-“

“Go out for a drink?” Yutaka interrupted him, huffing in disbelief. “More like getting completely wasted. Geez, Yuu, I can practically read the word ‘hangover’ off of your face.”

“Okay, yeah, fine. You’re right. I got drunk off my ass. Satisfied now?” he muttered, biting the inside of his cheek. _And then I fucked a guy._ Yuu almost laughed out loud at that thought, wondering how Yutaka would react to that kind of confession. Would he be disgusted by him? The thought alone caused a lump to grow in his throat, making it hard for him to breathe. He still couldn’t wrap his brain around that one. How the hell had this happened?

He would probably never know, since he was completely unable to recollect any of his thoughts or feelings from last night.

Yuu lowered his gaze to stare at the table instead, and nervously started to pick at one of the white napkins. He had never voiced these kinds of struggles to Yutaka, he simply lacked the courage to do so. Instead, he kept pushing down his loneliness and pent-up frustration until he choked on it, which often resulted in him going out to get drunk in the hopes of getting laid if he was lucky enough to get even remotely _excited_.

Or unlucky, in this case.

Getting the attention of women wasn’t his problem – Yuu was well aware of his appeal and his good looks. _He_ was the problem, and it hurt to admit that to himself. So how was he supposed to talk about his _performance issues_ with Yutaka when he couldn’t even make sense of them himself?

Yutaka sighed and propped his chin on his hand, meanwhile he continuously studied Yuu’s face. “What’s wrong?” He had always been able to read Yuu like an open book – well except for aforementioned struggles. Somehow, those were the only ones that Yuu was successful in hiding from his best friend, although he didn’t feel good about being dishonest with him in the slightest.

Yuu shrugged, and he started to twist one of the rings on his fingers as he tried to come up with a suitable explanation.

“It’s my father,” he said after a moment of silence, feeling the sting of guilt in his heart. He wasn’t exactly lying to Yutaka, but he wasn’t entirely truthful either. He felt like he was walking a tightrope that was swaying heavily, threatening to throw him off balance and into a deep dark crack at any second. Still, his troubled relationship with his father had always been the best excuse to come up with whenever he was too much of a coward to address his true problems. Which was always.

However, most of the time, his issues with his father weren’t an excuse at all, given how often he got into a fight with him.

Yutaka had long gotten used to their arguments as well. “What’d he do this time?” he asked, shooting Yuu a sympathetic look.

Yuu blew against a strand of his dark hair that had started to dangle in front of his face; he removed the ring he had been twisting around from his finger, only to put it back on and then repeat the whole process. “He started to talk bullshit about how he was gonna find me a wife, since I’m so incompetent and incapable of anything,” he snorted. “His exact words, by the way.”

Yutaka shook his head in disbelief. “An arranged marriage? Is he serious?” Clicking his tongue, he rubbed the back of his neck. “No offense, but your old man has a screw loose somewhere.” He shook his head again. “What’s your love life matter to him anyway? That’s your business, and not his.”

Waving at Yutaka’s mom briefly as he saw her enter the restaurant, Yuu exhaled sharply. “Yeah, tell me about it. He wouldn’t shut up about how he was already married with two kids when he was my age and yada yada yada.” It didn’t help either that his nephew was having his fifth birthday next year. With his sister happily married and all that, it basically made him the black sheep of the family.

At least in his father’s eyes.

“Ugh, gimme a break. It’s not like I’m married yet either,” Yutaka replied, rolling his eyes. “On the contrary, I quite enjoy being single.” He smiled brightly, his whole face lighting up like the sun, which gave him the innocent aura of a little child; Yuu had to resist the urge to reach across the table and ruffle his light brown hair like he would always do to his nephew.

He felt an irrational sting of envy at Yutaka’s words. Unlike Yutaka, he was really bad at being alone; outright miserable, to be honest, prone to dark thoughts. “Well, but you got lucky with your mom,” Yuu interjected. He pulled out his Marlboros and lit up a cigarette, before he took a deep drag.

Another bad habit of his Yutaka wasn’t fond of.

Puffing out the smoke, he rubbed his forehead with his fingers. “Doesn’t matter though. Negotiations regarding that merge start tomorrow, so he won’t have any time left to look for a suitable wife for uhm-” Yuu narrowed his eyes, trying to estimate how long it would take for his father to finally be content with said negotiations, “the next few weeks at least. Two or three months if I’m lucky.” At that, he grimaced again, taking another drag. He really wasn’t looking forward to all the extra amount of work the negotiations for the merge meant for him.

Pushing the ashtray over to Yuu, Yutaka remained silent for a while as he processed what Yuu had just told him. “So he’s really going for it? Never thought I’d see the day.”

Tapping the ash off his cigarette, Yuu crossed his arms. Yutaka was right; his father wasn’t usually one to give up control so freely. He liked being the big shot, towering above everyone else and demonstrating his power – no matter whether at work or at home. It had always been like this. “Me neither. Guess the only thing that exceeds his greed for power is his greed for money.” And that was what the merge with one of their biggest rivals ultimately was all about. Merging with them not only meant less competition, but also more clients, since they were obviously going to bring all their clients with them. And more clients meant more money. For his father, the equation was that simple. The conditions of the merge, on the other hand, were a completely different story, of course. Yuu could already feel the impending headache this would cause him begin to throb behind his temples.

That, or the painkillers’ effect was starting to wear off.

Yutaka chuckled dryly. “I bet.”

“Anyway,” Yuu said, pushing away the unpleasant thoughts about his father and all the upcoming stress he would have to deal with. “How’s my favorite chef? Still single, hm, I got that much. But other than that?” he grinned widely. He felt far more comfortable spending time _not_ talking about himself and all his issues. Breathing out smoke, his grin grew mischievous. “I gotta say, though, you’re pretty selfish.”

Yutaka frowned at his words, and tilted his head in confusion. “Selfish? How come?” he asked with a sheepish laugh.

Yuu’s grin simply widened, his eyes flashed with mischief. “I mean, keeping _this_ ,” he gestured vaguely at Yutaka’s body, “from the ladies. Pretty damn selfish if you ask me.”

“Oh.” Yutaka’s face fell for a moment, before he started to giggle. “Well, I didn’t say I was keeping _anything_ from them,” he responded, a wolfish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now, is all.”

Yuu gasped in mocked shock, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. “Oh my, how scandalous!” He stubbed out his cigarette, then dumped the butt in the crystalline ashtray. “What would your mother say if she knew?”

Yutaka slapped his arm amicably; he obviously enjoyed their usual banter as much as Yuu did, who could gradually feel the heavy weight lift off his shoulders. “She does know, and she doesn’t care. You know what she’s like, live and let live.” He shrugged nonchalantly, his features softened at the mention of his mother. Yuu knew how much Yutaka loved her, and he envied the close relationship they had to bits, no matter how close he was to his own mother. It simply felt as though there were no secrets, no boundaries whatsoever between Yutaka and his mother. “And she’s fine,” Yutaka added, answering Yuu’s unspoken question.

Nodding his approval, Yuu shoved his cigarette pack back into the pocket of his pants. “Good, good.” Standing up, he grabbed his jacket. It was getting late, and the restaurant was slowly starting to fill up with hungry customers. Moreover, he was really beginning to crave his bed. “I’ve kept you long enough from working, you should get back to it, before your mom rips my head off.”

Yutaka followed his lead, straightening out his apron as he stood up. “She’d never do that, she loves you!”

“Ah but they might,” Yuu protested, and pointed at yet a new pair of customers who were just entering the restaurant. He was happy to see the family-owned restaurant passed down in Yutaka’s family for decades faring so well; which was most likely thanks to the cozy atmosphere and delicious home-made meals. Now he really regretted having drunk so much the previous night, he would have loved to eat one of Yutaka’s meals.

Bumping his elbow into Yuu’s rib lightly, Yutaka gave him another smile. “You might be right about that,” he giggled. “See you around?”

Tearing his eyes away from the newly arrived couple and ignoring the same old sting in his heart, Yuu returned Yutaka’s smile to the best of his abilities. “Betcha!”

He sighed to himself as he watched Yutaka return to the kitchen, before he slipped into his jacket, and trotted out of the restaurant. With the cold evening air came the loneliness, and all the repressed thoughts started to buzz in his mind once again, causing his headache to return. He really didn’t feel like going home, sitting alone in his empty apartment, totally exposed to his own thoughts. Thoughts about how screwed up he surely was, not finding the same joy in women that Yutaka obviously did.

Thoughts about how even more screwed up he was for sleeping with a man, even though he _most definitely didn’t swing that way, under no circumstances._

Ducking his head against the freezing wind, he quickened his pace, feeling around his jacket pocket for his car keys. Even though he had to face his father after their latest argument in the morning, for once he couldn’t wait to get back to work. He was by no means a workaholic, but _by God_ , he desperately needed the distraction to put his restless mind at ease. Some work mostly did the trick when alcohol wasn’t an option, and with the upcoming merge he was going to drown in work faster than he would think.

He would most likely complain about this by the end of the week, but right now he didn’t see any downside to getting buried knee-deep in his work.


	3. Chapter 3

The beige-colored carpet swallowed any noises Yuu’s feet would have made on the floor, while he hurried along the hallway. He cursed under his breath as he dodged gossiping colleagues on the way to his father’s office, only moments ago from actually sprinting down the corridor.

He was late for the first meeting with their rivalling company by seventeen minutes already; not that it would have made a difference if he had only been late by two minutes. His father was surely going to yell at him again, despite him not being to blame for his tardiness. The settlement just had taken way longer than anticipated, since the wronged party had refused to take the offered money damages all of a sudden; even though they had originally been ready to accept them prior to this settlement meeting. It had taken forever to convince them that taking the money was far more desirable than dragging the whole affair out in court, which could take months if not years.

To say that working at his father’s law firm was exhausting was an understatement.

On the plus side, however, Yuu hadn’t had time to think about any of his personal problems all morning, and that definitely counted for something.

Clutching the folder which contained the files of the concluded settlement tightly (he didn’t have time to drop by his office), Yuu steadied his breath to gather his composure, and adjusted his black jacket. Slapping a fake smile on his face, he knocked on the door to his father’s office, then waited for his father’s snapped “Come in,” before he entered the office nervously. If his father hated one thing more than tardiness, it was being disturbed.

Safe to say this Monday wasn’t exactly going Yuu’s way.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, we had some troubles closi–“

“ _I don’t care about your excuses_ ,” his father interrupted his explanation angrily, then he turned his head away from Yuu and towards his guests. “Please excuse my son and his poor time management,” he apologized incisively, before he threw Yuu a warning side-glance. As if to warn him not to make any more _mistakes_ and embarrass them further in the presence of their rivals.

Yuu bowed apologetically, keeping his head down as his father cleared his throat. “This is my son, Yuu,” he introduced coolly, causing Yuu to tighten his grip around the folder in his arms as he pressed it against his chest ever so tightly. He was used to this kind of indifference directed at him; his father didn’t feel complete unless he reminded Yuu at least once a week how little he thought of him, after all.

“This is Hiroto Matsumoto, president of the Matsumoto law firm,” his father continued, oblivious to the awkward silence that had lingered in the room just seconds before. Yuu straightened his back to look at the middle-aged man that was seated on one of the big leather couches. Hiroto Matsumoto was the complete opposite of his father; he had very soft, gentle features and was of small built, whereas Yuu’s father was a tall, broad-shouldered individual, who usually succeeded in intimidating people with his bulky stature alone.

Hiroto Matsumoto gave him a sympathetic smile; the corners of Yuu’s mouth barely moved upward as he half-heartedly tried to return it. This first meeting was going about as well as he had expected it to. He didn’t even know why his father had been so adamant about having him here in the first place, given how much of a disappointment Yuu seemed to be to him. “And this is his son, uhh-“

Yuu’s gaze wandered to the right, only now noticing the third person in the room. The blood in his veins froze and he would have dropped the folder if his fingers hadn’t turned to stone upon gazing into those piercing eyes.

_Oh fuck no!_

His face paled and he stared at the man as if he was a ghost, his heart started to race in his chest, which made him feel sick to his stomach.

_Please, let this be a bad dream!_

“Takanori Matsumoto,” a deep melodic voice resounded in his ears, a voice that was far too familiar for Yuu’s liking.

At a loss for words, he simply stood in the midst of his father’s office like a deer caught in headlights, and stared at the guy he had slept with only two nights ago. The man he was so desperate to forget was sitting cross-legged on his father’s black leather couch dressed in an elaborate, red pantsuit, wearing that ridiculously enticing red lipstick again. At least Takanori refrained from licking his lips lasciviously this time, and maintained a blank expression on his face instead. “Nice to meet you,” he added, slightly raising his eyebrow at Yuu’s terrified look.

Takanori really had that professional poker-face down to a fine art, Yuu had to give him that. His own poker-face was practically non-existent in comparison, and Yuu had to blink a few times to regain his countenance. “N-nice to meet you, too,” he stammered, feigning a cough to cover his shaky, stammering voice.

His father paid him no mind; apparently, he was expecting such weird, or rather ‘unprofessional’ behavior from his son. However, Yuu was relieved as he refrained from calling him out again, and only motioned with his left hand for him to sit down next to him – and opposite Takanori.

_Great._

Yuu’s legs threatened to give way the very second he took his place right by his father’s side on the second leather couch, and he pressed the files against his thighs, nervously glancing around like some lost little boy on his first day of school.

Luckily, his father was too preoccupied with his business to notice as he resumed the talk about a possible merge of the two law firms immediately, regaining Hiroto’s attention instantaneously.

Only Takanori glanced at Yuu from time to time, and he frowned each time, fully aware that none of the words that were said in this room made their way into Yuu’s brain.

For Yuu was far too busy staring at his latest one-night-stand in complete horror, the reminder of his _slip-up_ that sat across from him, dressed in a flashy red suit flaring like a beacon for everyone to see. If only a hole opened up underneath him to swallow him whole, so he would never have to see the light of day again.

“… so I thought it’d be a good idea for Takanori to spend the next few weeks at your company.”

These words made Yuu sit up and turn his head in Hiroto Matsumoto’s direction quizzically.

_What now?_

“You know, so we get to experience the way things work around here firsthand, before we take the next step in our negotiations. Of course, you’re more than welcome to do the same as well. Your son could come work at our firm for a few weeks afterwards if you agreed to it.”

_Huh?_

Takanori spending time here at the firm?

In his immediate vicinity?

Under no circumstances could he agree to something like this! He would most definitely lose his mind if he were to work alongside the walking and talking reminder of one of the biggest mistakes in his life for even one day.

Yuu opened his mouth to object, but his father’s voice cut him off before he could get a single word out. “I think that’s an excellent idea,” he agreed, draining all remaining color from Yuu’s face with his words. “I was thinking something along those lines as well. Get to know the enemy’s territory and all that.” He uttered an exaggerated laugh to try and pass his words off as a joke. But Yuu knew all too well that his father wouldn’t even stop considering the Matsumoto law firm an enemy after they signed the official papers for a merge, and put their name on the wall next to theirs.

Takanori and his father both responded with a polite laugh; only Yuu remained silent. His fingernails dug into the cover of the folder sitting on his lap as he watched his father and Hiroto Matsumoto get up in unison, shaking each other’s hand firmly.

“Great, it’s settled then.”

Getting to his feet stiffly, Yuu forced himself to smile, even though he felt like screaming on the inside. He weakly returned Hiroto Matsumoto’s handshake before he hesitantly seized Takanori’s hand as well. It seemed somehow small in his own hand, but Yuu also noticed how unexpectedly soft it felt. At once, intrusive thoughts filled his mind, thoughts of these soft hands roaming his body. Of these slim fingers caressing his skin and making him shiver. Of their simplest touch making him long for more…

Yuu let go of Takanori’s hand as though he had been struck by lightning, and he felt himself blush under his quizzical look. Thank God, Takanori couldn’t read minds, otherwise Yuu would have been in a serious pinch; good luck trying to explain these kinds of inappropriate thoughts. Thoughts he should have never had in the first place. Thoughts that were simply wrong and messed up.

Just like his pants ought to not get tight at the mental images that had just crossed his mind so unabashedly.

He just wanted to get out of this office, better yet out of the building altogether. He was desperately craving a cigarette to relieve at least some of the stress building up inside of him like a house of cards that was about to collapse at the slightest tremor.

 _So much for distracting yourself with work,_ he thought bitterly, watching as Hiroto Matsumoto bowed goodbye.

Returning the bow with slight delay, Yuu stood still at his father’s words. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and show him around?” he hissed at him, not expecting an answer from Yuu – especially none that defied his _amiable_ proposition. It didn’t matter that Yuu had more important things to do; if his father wanted him to act as a tour guide that was what Yuu was going to be.

God, he really needed to grow a spine and give his father a piece of his mind, though he knew it would only result in them shouting at each other again, and Yuu being too much of a coward to take the final step and just leave the firm for good. But he just couldn’t do that to his mother, who was so proud of him following in his father’s footsteps, and trying his hardest to make this work.

So instead, he watched quietly as his father guided Hiroto Matsumoto out of the room, leaving him and Takanori behind in yet another uncomfortable silence.

“You really got that whole being-subtle thing down, you know that?” Takanori finally spoke up, his tone a mixture of amusement and mockery.

Yuu glared at him in response, still waiting for his alarm bell to ring and wake him from this poor joke of a dream. Part of him even wanted to ask Takanori to pinch him in order to wake him up, but he really didn’t need the other to see how freaked out he _truly_ was. “It’s not every day that you meet a one-night-stand again,” he snapped at him, narrowing his eyes. “You know, since the whole idea of a one-night-stand is to never see the other person again.”

“Ouch.” Takanori lifted his hand, placed it over his heart and displayed a hurtful pout. “Does it really suck this much to see me again?”

 _Goddamn, that pout is so fucking cute_.

Yuu froze at this absolutely inappropriate thought crossing his mind, and he tore his gaze away from Takanori’s face. What the hell was he thinking? There really was no room for ridiculous thoughts like these; Takanori was a man, for God’s sake. Men certainly weren’t cute. And Yuu certainly wasn’t supposed to like their pout. Or their fingers. Or their enticing red lips…

What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Let’s just get this over with,” Yuu forcibly pulled himself together, banishing those inappropriate thoughts into the darkest parts of his (obviously very mushy) mind. Thank God, the rest of his body still functioned normally, and his legs carried him towards the door as commanded as he waved for Takanori to follow suit. He still couldn’t believe he was stuck with him of all people.

The universe must have seriously hated him.

Yuu strode down the hallway, and angry as he was, he didn’t slow his pace as he noticed Takanori starting to jog in order to keep up with him.

“Geez, you really can’t wait to get rid of me, huh? Would you slow the fuck down for fuck’s sake? My legs aren’t as long as yours,” Takanori cussed as he rushed after Yuu.

For a brief second, Yuu considered simply ignoring Takanori and his whining; however, people were already curiously eyeing the oddly dressed man who uttered such foul words out loud, and Yuu seriously didn’t want to deal with more of those glances. So instead, he huffed in annoyance before he slowed down enough so Takanori wouldn’t have to nearly sprint anymore. “Happy now?” he grunted, then rolled his eyes as Takanori stuck his tongue out indignantly.

Was this man an actual child?

“You’ll have to try a bit harder than that,” he smirked, though the smirk seemed off somehow, which caused Takanori’s teasing words to lack the previous sting.

Yuu frowned, but the hint of gloom vanished from Takanori’s face as quickly as it had appeared. Still, that split second of darkness was enough to form a lump in Yuu’s throat, and make him feel guilty about the way he was treating Takanori. He surely wasn’t responsible for Yuu’s misfortune, and he probably liked their whole situation about as much as Yuu did.

Yuu halted to regard Takanori intently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude to you. I’m just… a little stressed out, is all,” he apologized ruefully. He flashed him a half-smile before he sighed; he was really craving that damn cigarette.

Takanori shrugged. “I forgive you,” he replied, and this time, his smirk felt genuine again. “I get it, though,” he added, grimacing as though he had just bit down on a very bitter lemon. “I mean with that lovely father of yours, I’d go nuts, too.”

Yuu nodded, extremely relieved Takanori understood and wasn’t bearing grudges at all.

_Wait, what?_

His eyes widened as he fully processed Takanori’s words. “Uhm… excuse me?” He couldn’t recall ever having met someone as blunt as Takanori.

On top of that, was it really that obvious?

“Sorry, I couldn’t help but notice how… tense your relationship with your father seems to be.” Takanori shrugged again as he took the lead now in walking down the hallway. “He’s a very charming man that much is for sure. A real sunshine,” he lowered his voice as one of the secretaries passed them. So Takanori not only was fluent in swearwords, but also in sarcasm. And not scared to speak his mind, either, notwithstanding that their firms were planning on merging and consequently working together in the future.

“He’s peculiar,” Yuu agreed bitterly, and headed for a pair of wooden double doors. He pressed the files he was still carrying around with him to his chest with one hand, and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket with the other to check the time with the schedule of the room. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t interrupting an important meeting again.

Swinging one of the doors open, he motioned for Takanori to enter the big unoccupied room. “This is our main conference room,” he explained as he closed the door behind them to guard them from curious looks; his colleagues had unmistakably taken notice of Takanori – he was hard to miss with that red pantsuit of his, after all.

Dropping the folder onto the big oval table, Yuu brought a hand to his neck to rub it with a groan. He couldn’t recall the last time he had been on vacation. Heaven knew he could really use one, for he felt worn out and exhausted, and the stress he had relieved the weekend before was already gnawing at him again.

He looked surreptitiously at Takanori, who had wandered off to the giant glass front in the meantime, where he gazed outside at the panorama of Tokyo stretching out behind the large windows. “Peculiar’s one way to put it,” he murmured. He placed one hand on the glass, appearing lost in thought somewhere far beyond the walls of this room as he dragged his fingertips over the transparent surface.

Suddenly, as though something had jerked him back into reality, Takanori spun around. “You know I won’t tell anyone, right?” he burst out, inching closer towards Yuu. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

Yuu swallowed thickly, taken aback by Takanori’s emotional outburst. He seemed very intent on reassuring Yuu, but still – _no_.

How would Yuu know?

Takanori was still a stranger to him, after all. Even if Yuu had been able to remember their one-night-stand, that fact wouldn’t change. And if being a lawyer had taught Yuu anything, it was to always remain cautious – about everything and everybody. He had been foolish to even think he could simply forget about that incident and move forward; fate really had a way of spitting in his face, it seemed. “Why would you care?” he asked dismissively, involuntarily falling back into his pattern of weary rudeness.

Takanori rolled his eyes, and shook his head in annoyance. “Why do you think, dummy? Because I know what it’s like,” he looked Yuu over almost skeptically, “to struggle with one’s sexuality.”

Yuu flinched as he felt his insides twist and turn at Takanori’s words. “I already told you, I don’t swing that way,” he pressed out. He was straight, there simply was no other way, and Takanori finally needed to accept that. “I don’t struggle with my sexuality, alright? So I’d appreciate it if you left this topic alone.” Objecting, he crossed his arms in front of his chest. If only his heart stopped pounding so stupidly fast upon Takanori’s scrutinizing look. If only his stomach didn’t turn at Takanori’s insinuation. If only he didn’t feel as though he was being chewed on by a giant monstrosity called anxiety.

Maybe then he would have had better luck in trying to convince Takanori of the opposite.

Casting down his eyes to avoid Takanori’s piercing gaze, he busied himself with studying his flashy suit instead; it looked like one of those tailored suits celebrities usually commissioned for ridiculously exorbitant prices. Granted, Takanori looked more like a celebrity than a lawyer dressed like that.

“Whatever you say,” Takanori responded unconvinced, but left the topic at that. “You like my suit?” he inquired as he noticed Yuu’s curious glances; he placed a hand on his hip to present himself like a model would, a confident look on his face.

“Not really,” Yuu burst out without thinking.

He immediately regretted his words as he watched Takanori’s face fall and the confidence drain from it as though someone had pulled the plug in a sink, leaving his cheeks a pale white. All in all, he looked like Yuu had slapped him across the face, which made Yuu’s heart sting with guilt. He hadn’t meant it like that, he had simply chosen the most poorly phrased wording possible. “I meant… uhm, I mean,” he stuttered, searching for the words to make this right. To make that blank expression disappear from Takanori’s face because for some inexplicable reason he really couldn’t stand him looking like a kicked puppy as his manicured hand fell limp from his hip.

Searching for the right words, Yuu looked him over once more, this time more intently as to not utter another thoughtless remark.

He would have never worn a daring pantsuit like that himself, but Yuu had to admit that it did look absolutely amazing on Takanori. “I do like it,” he backtracked his words, biting his lip in shame. “I… uhm… I just don’t think it’s very… suitable for a lawyer is all.” He grimaced at his own inability to form cohesive sentences; how he managed to appear in court without reducing himself to a stuttering mess was beyond his comprehension. Though he couldn’t remember ever having had these kinds of troubles with other people before.

Maybe that was just the effect Takanori had on him.

To his relief, Takanori’s tensed body slowly relaxed, and some of the color returned to his cheeks. “Oh,” he breathed, then he began to pick at the hem of his sleeve in embarrassment. “You could’ve just said so in the first place,” he huffed, clearing his throat. “Dummy.”

Yuu blinked at the repeated use of this unflattering nickname Takanori had bestowed upon him. Apparently, sleeping with Takanori once equaled the loss of any resemblance of courtesies; if those kinds of boundaries even existed for Takanori in the first place.

Yuu wasn’t sure they did.

“I’m not the dummy, you are,” Yuu protested before he registered that he was stooping to the same level of intimacy that Takanori had. But maybe things like intimacy and courtesy weren’t things he should concern himself with after having been all sorts of intimate with Takanori only two nights earlier. Moreover, there was another thing that struck Yuu as odd, and which tugged at his mind. “I didn’t take you for the kind of guy that worries what other people think of him. What does it matter what I think about your suit?”

This time, Takanori was the one who flinched at his words, that same gloomy aura engulfing him again, and whatever was bothering him caused him to avoid Yuu’s gaze. He seemed almost vulnerable as he stared out of the window; he looked like he would rather be anywhere but there. “I don’t give a shit what people think about me,” he hissed, his clenched, shaking fists betraying his tough act.

Takanori seemed to realize this, and he straightened himself; all emotion vanished from his face completely, leaving nothing behind but a stone-cold expression. “You’re right, it doesn’t matter what you think about my damn suit. And I don’t give a shit whether I live up to your ideal of a lawyer, either. So whatever.”

 _You’re a liar_ , Yuu thought, his intuition did not buy into Takanori’s frigid demeanor for a single second. Though he still felt like punching himself in the face for the splendid job he was doing on his end at handling this whole messed up situation. Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his hair. As things were, they were getting nowhere, and if Yuu didn’t try harder and get his shit together, the next weeks truly would become a living hell at work.

Leaving aside the fact that his father would straight up murder him if the merge failed simply because Yuu was unable to deal with Takanori with any resemblance of professionality.

“I’m sorry, I was out of line.”

“I already told you I don’t give a shit.”

Takanori still wasn’t looking at him. This wouldn’t work. Yuu had clearly hurt him with his words, although he wasn’t sure exactly as to how or why. He really hadn’t expected Takanori to be even remotely insecure about himself with how tough and confident he had acted before this; appearances truly were deceiving, it seemed.

“Look,” Yuu sighed, leaning against the table. “I’m not exactly happy with this whole situation, as you might’ve noticed. And you’re right, I’m a dummy because I have no fucking idea how to act around you. This whole situation is just… really strange for me, okay? And I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole, it’s not my intention. I’m just–“ he trailed off, staring at the floor as if it could help him find the right words. Boy, he was truly bad at this whole talking-thing. He had never been one to express his feelings through speech, he usually acted upon them; he had never been the most skillful person all things concerning tact.

“Stressed out,” Takanori finished, rolled his eyes but finally turned back around to face him. He was still wearing that blank expression, but Yuu was relieved to see that mischievous glow return to his eyes. “Consider yourself lucky that you’re so incredibly pretty, otherwise I’d probably punch you to relieve some of the stress _you’re_ causing _me_.”

Yuu’s mouth fell agape, and all he could do was stare at Takanori incredulously, all the while he blushed deeply. “You think I’m pretty?” he breathed, only realizing seconds later that this was totally not the part he ought to have get stuck on.

“Not really,” Takanori imitated him, an impish grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. Yuu was glad that he didn’t seem to be the person for bearing grudges; it almost made him forget about his stupid treacherous face that had reddened for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

God damn it, why was he so susceptible to everything Takanori did and said? He was supposed to be anything but flustered at another man calling him pretty; weirded out maybe, disgusted even, but surely not flustered.

Clearing his throat embarrassedly, Yuu ran his finger along his lower lip. “Uhm… thanks for not punching me, I guess,” he uttered, an awkward laugh escaping his throat. He was still doubting the reality of the crazy day he had been having this far. Surely, a day where he was talking to his former male one-night-stand about punching people in his father’s law firm, on top of being called ridiculous nicknames that should have been insulting rather than endearing, had to be some sort of wicked fantasy his overworked brain had come up with to ridicule him.

“You’re welcome,” Takanori replied, before he looked him over with raised eyebrows. “Unless you’re into that kind of stuff,” he added, lewdly biting down on his lower lip. “In which case, I’d be more than happy to lend a hand.”

Yuu felt a twitch in his lower abdomen, which caused him to inhale sharply. He wasn’t even into that sort of kinky stuff, but the way Takanori had said it with that deep husky voice of his, caused Yuu’s cheeks to burn hotly. Plus, the way his teeth tugged on his lower lip was simply tantalizing. “Thanks, but I’m good,” he gasped, spun on his heels abruptly, and grabbed the files from the table.

He needed to get out of this room that was becoming unbearably hot.

“We should get a move on,” he uttered hastily; he felt the blood still rush in his ears as he walked towards the door. If they stayed in this room much longer, people would surely start to talk, and some obscure rumors were the last thing Yuu wanted to deal with on top of everything else. Heck, he would even take an argument with his father over dealing with Takanori and his vigorous flirting and seductive teasing. Which was just one more indication that he was slowly losing his mind.

He really didn’t know how to survive the following weeks if Takanori continued to act like this.

He didn’t even know how to survive the rest of the day if he didn’t get that damned cigarette soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Yuu was about to lose the last remainders of his sanity.

Apparently, it wasn’t enough that he had been stuck with Takanori on a daily basis for over a week now, and got reminded over and over again of a night he would much rather pretend never happened, no.

It wasn’t enough either that Takanori was following him around like a shadow, all the while making sure to personally drive him insane with his leers and mischievous smiles on top of suggestive comments whenever no one else was in earshot. He felt like Yuu’s own personal demon, ascended from hell to torture him and make his life miserable.

But his behavior wasn’t even the worst part, since Yuu was trying his hardest to ignore him on any occasion that Takanori tried to provoke him; to what ends, he still wasn’t sure.

No, on the contrary.

For Takanori had found another way entirely to torment him even further.

A way to torture him even more with his presence alone.

Pushing open the wooden doors to the main conference room, Yuu uttered an exhausted sigh. He bowed slightly to greet one of his colleagues, who was already placed at the big table, waiting for their monthly meeting to begin. Yuu dropped down onto one of the comfortable leather chairs, fetched a ball pen from his jacket pocket, and started to fiddle around with it.

His cigarette consumption had drastically increased over the course of the week – much to Yutaka’s dislike –, as had the pace at which he smoked them, which was the reason why he was unusually early to the meeting. At least this meant that he had a few more minutes to get at least a little peace of mind, before that blonde devil would waltz into the room and commence his torture for yet another day.

At least that was what Yuu had hoped for.

His hopes, however, got crushed only a few seconds later as the door swung open to reveal Takanori, a false smile plastered on his face as usual. Yuu couldn’t tell exactly why but that fake smile was what drove him up the walls the most. He didn’t know who Takanori was trying to fool with that smile, he sure as hell didn’t buy into it for a second. Maybe this was due to the glimpse of darkness he had gotten the previous week. Or the times he had caught Takanori spacing out for brief moments, looking worn-out and tired before that mask of false happiness and confidence had come back on as soon as he had realized that he had been caught up in his thoughts.

“Good morning,” Takanori chimed, far too happy for Yuu’s liking.

He studied him cautiously, feeling that same lump that had been there the last two days grow in his throat once more.

Catching his gaze, Takanori flashed his _fucking_ knowing grin, which made Yuu blush and turn his head to avoid any further eye contact. He glanced upward to check whether his colleague had got scent of what had just transpired between the two of them, exhaling his relief as he saw the man study some files intently, totally oblivious to his surroundings.

Yuu had to hold back a desperate groan as Takanori dropped down right next to him, still wearing that smirk on his lips, which for once weren’t painted red. The last few days, he had opted for a much lighter makeup altogether, which emphasized his natural beauty and–

With a silent gasp, Yuu flinched.

_Natural beauty? What the fuck are you thinking?_

He clutched the pen tighter, hissing under his breath as yet another wave of ridiculous thoughts rushed through him. Lately, those were really beginning to stack up, which made Yuu doubt his sanity more and more.

Those ridiculously tight ass leather pants that Takanori had taken to wear over the last few days weren’t helping either.

Especially not when he crossed his legs like that as he spun in his chair so that he was facing Yuu. His leg brushed against Yuu’s deliberately, causing him to flinch.

God, Yuu wanted to yell at Takanori to take another one of the dozen of free chairs, he wanted to jump up and leave the room altogether, but he could do neither without drawing attention towards himself, which he wanted to avoid at all costs. If only his heart stopped beating so fast. If only he wasn’t frozen in place, Takanori’s leg pressed to his calf, radiating warmth and making his cheeks burn hotly.

Swallowing to wet his dry mouth, Yuu glanced at Takanori from the corner of his eye, watching him as he pulled out his smartphone to bury himself in the digital world until the meeting started; seemingly shutting out his surroundings altogether.

Involuntarily, Yuu’s eyes wandered lower to take in the black leather pants Takanori was wearing to an oversized shirt and fitting cardigan. He couldn’t deny that they truly suited him as a person, putting emphasis on Takanori’s slim, defined legs; however, his outfit was simply unsuitable for a lawyer – even more so than his elaborate suits. His father apparently didn’t care, though, and when Yuu had addressed the topic to Takanori, the blonde had simply snorted, telling him to relax because he knew precisely “how to dress in court,” and how his clothes had nothing to do with his “abilities as a lawyer”. Fearing another argument like the one on their first day, Yuu had simply dropped the topic to save himself from a brand new headache.

Now he deeply regretted it.

For those pants were invoking all kinds of unwanted thoughts in him, thoughts that made his stomach turn because he totally wasn’t supposed to have them. They were wrong and messed up, and moreover, distracting as fuck. He shouldn’t be admiring how those pants complimented Takanori’s legs, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be fantasizing about how good that ass most likely looked in those tight leather pants, either (since Takanori’s long shirts always covered the upper range of his legs, as well as other parts).

In addition to that, he shouldn’t be feeling all these weird tingling sensations floating through his body whenever those legs got too close to him; or touched him altogether, like they did right now. Sooner rather than later, someone would take notice of Yuu’s flustered state, someone that wasn’t Takanori, and he would find himself in the center of all kinds of weird assumptions and rumors. Rumors that would be ridiculously farfetched and absurd because Yuu was definitely not attracted to another man.

Under no circumstances.

He was simply still embarrassed about their one-night-stand, and that was all there was to it.

Sadly, Takanori refused to see it this way, and had come up with this newest method of torturing him and making him lose his mind, no matter how much Yuu tried to hide his embarrassment from him.

 

 

Takanori pressed his lips together to suppress a knowing smirk, as he scrolled through his Instagram feed, fully aware of Yuu’s looks directed at him. That man was so obvious it was almost cute. And Takanori couldn’t deny that it was a lot of fun to tease and irritate him like this.

At least that was what his comments had been all about in the beginning. He had to admit though that not only did he like teasing Yuu until he started to blush oh so hopelessly, he also liked how flustered the other man reacted to him in general.

Oh, how much he liked it!

Takanori looked up and greeted the three people entering the conference room with a polite nod, then started to reminisce about the first time he had worn one of his beloved leather pants. He had originally decided to wear them because he was not much more than an onlooker thus far in the Shiroyama law firm, not in charge of any clients himself but simply observing how things worked around here. So he hadn’t felt the need to dress to impress, but rather chose to wear something more comfortable (although no less stylish) than his suits.

He had expected to get shit from Yuu for the way he dressed again. What he hadn’t excepted, however, was for Yuu’s mouth to drop open, his cheeks to blush ferociously and for him to quickly turn away in order to avoid looking at Takanori altogether. He also hadn’t excepted for Yuu to sneak glances at him whenever he thought Takanori didn’t notice, and for him to look at his legs longingly.

He also hadn’t expected to like it this much.

It felt good to have Yuu look at him this way, for him to become a stuttering mess whenever Takanori made bold comments to embarrass him even further. First it had all been a little fun game to pass the time, teasing Yuu and visibly driving him insane, but over the course of the last week, it had become about more than that.

Because Takanori couldn’t deny the attraction he felt towards the other man. Yuu was gorgeous, and on top of that very considerate if he meant to be, always trying to please other people. Though Takanori knew that Yuu tended to be rather quick-tempered, sometimes spoke without thinking and acted on his instincts. On more than one occasion he had also stumbled upon Yuu and his father yelling at each other in the president’s office, their voices carrying all the way into the hallway for everyone to overhear. And the way Yuu was in denial of his own sexuality was both pitiful and adorable, and it gave Takanori the strong urge to push him closer to the edge until he finally fell over.

Until he gave up.

Until he gave in to him.

Takanori shifted slightly and ran his shin up Yuu’s calf beneath the wooden table, causing Yuu to flinch once more. He half excepted him to try and withdraw from his touch, but was well aware that there was no way for him to escape unless he stood up and left the room. There was no other option, since another lawyer had just taken a seat on Yuu’s other side, trapping him between two occupied chairs like a mouse caught in a mouse trap.

So instead, Yuu gripped the ball pen he was holding even tighter until his knuckles turned white, stared down at the table top, and tried his best to pretend Takanori didn’t exist.

All his attempts to ignore Takanori did little to discourage him, though, as he knew exactly what he wanted.

He wanted Yuu.

Over the course of the last week, he had come to the conclusion that he was all but disinclined to have sex with Yuu again. Their night had been fun, and teasing Yuu had proven to be a pleasant distraction from his heartbreak, so he figured distracting himself from Akira might finally work in the sheets as well. It was worth a shot, especially considering how delicious Yuu was; Takanori refused to believe that anyone would reject this man if given the chance. Hell, Akira probably wouldn’t think twice about fucking someone as attractive as him, so why should he?

The thought of Akira fucking Yuu quickly turned into the memory of Akira fucking his boy toy, which resulted in Takanori’s heart being ripped into pieces all over again. The sudden pain prevented him from breathing normally for a brief second, and he gasped quietly.

Loud enough for Yuu to notice, however, and turn his head to gaze at him questioningly, furrowing his brows as Takanori desperately blinked away the upcoming tears.

“You okay?” Yuu whispered as he apprehensively studied his face.

Takanori wished nothing more than to dissolve into thin air, as he felt like crumbling under Yuu’s worried gaze.

“I’m fine,” he rasped, trying his hardest to put his mask of indifference back on, meanwhile he stared at his phone blankly in order to avoid Yuu’s piercing look.

He hated how vulnerable and naked he suddenly felt under those warm, dark-brown eyes, and he hated how affected he still was by the mere thought of Akira. He hated how much power he still held over him, wanted nothing more than to get rid of all this bullshit once and for all.

He just didn’t know how to.

“If you say so,” Yuu retorted, sounding completely unconvinced.

Takanori suppressed the urge to snap at him, to tell him to mind his own business, as Yuu’s father, who had finally entered the room, cleared his throat to start the meeting.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah, I’m heading home in a bit.” Trotting through the empty hallway, Takanori switched the phone to his left hand, smiling faintly. The day had gotten quite busy after the meeting and had only quieted down about thirty minutes ago, which had completely distracted him from any bad thoughts.

However, it had also prevented him from getting in contact with Kouyou all day. He was always happy to hear his best friend’s voice, especially after an exhausting day.

“Lucky you,” Kouyou groaned at the other end of the line. “My shift starts in ten.”

Takanori couldn’t help but grin at the complaining tone of Kouyou’s voice. “You were the one who wanted to study medicine above all,” he reminded him with a cheerful chuckle. “So don’t go complaining on my ass, Doctor Takashima!”

“I’m not a doctor yet,” Kouyou corrected him with a weary sigh.

At his words, Takanori pulled a face. He knew that Kouyou wasn’t done with his studies yet, but the way they exploited him at the hospital sure made Takanori wish they at least compensated him like a full-blown doctor already. Instead, they made him work in double shifts on end, barely letting him catch his breath. Kouyou had lost a considerable amount of weight, and Takanori felt like he grew thinner every time they saw each other.

But Kouyou took pride in his job; he loved helping people. And Takanori knew full well that Kouyou was born to help people; after all he had still put time and effort into helping him get back on his feet, despite his demanding job.

“You still get your day off on Thursday?” Takanori inquired as he rounded the corner and he waved goodbye at a secretary.

“Thankfully, yes.” Takanori heard the sound of a locker being shut, notifying him that their conversation was coming to an end. “See you then?”

“You bet your ass,” he replied delighted, looking forward to hanging out with his best friend again; to just stay home together and watch some stupid movies while eating ice cream or popcorn or whatever they could get their hands on. “Take care, Shima,” he added softly, opening the door to Yuu’s office.

“You too, Taka.” With that, Kouyou hung up, and Takanori removed the phone from his ear, frowning as he saw the stacks of files spread all over the office.

He spotted Yuu on the couch, too preoccupied with reading through the files to even notice Takanori’s entrance.

Takanori watched as he flipped through the pages, sighed in frustration before he disheveled his hair as he ran his fingers through the long strands. He looked beyond exhausted, his cheeks a pale white, and he was licking his colorless lips repeatedly, obviously craving a cigarette. The jacket he normally wore had been discarded on the armrest, and the first few buttons of his white shirt had been undone.

Ignoring the allure that was Yuu’s unbuttoned shirt, Takanori looked around the messy room once more. He hadn’t actually seen Yuu since the meeting, so he had no clue what the other had been up to until now. It looked like he had been occupied for quite some time now, judging from the empty coffeepot on the glass table. And he didn’t look like he was leaving anytime soon, either. “What’s going on here?” Takanori asked into the silence, startling Yuu so much that he dropped the folder he was holding.

“Geez, you scared me!” he exclaimed, before he bent down to pick up the folder from the ground, whereby bestowing the delicious sight that was his naked chest upon Takanori, who bit down on his lower lip at the view. “I’m working, as you can see,” Yuu mumbled. He got back to flipping through the documents to look for the right page.

Takanori rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I can see that much, dummy. I mean, why are you still working at this hour?” They were some of the last people in the whole building, and he already knew that Yuu was prone to working late, but it was nearing 10 p.m., and even a night owl like himself considered that to be much too late to still keep working.

Yuu looked up from his papers to glance at Takanori before he checked the time on the clock above the door. He furrowed his brows and looked out the window into the dark night sky. “I didn’t notice that it’s gotten this late already,” he groaned, rubbing his forehead as he stifled a yawn.

Takanori shrugged. He couldn’t help but think of Yuu’s absent-mindedness as oddly cute and endearing. He crossed the room to pick up his bag that he had kept next to the desk, threw it over his shoulder, and put his phone in one of the side pockets. He glanced at Yuu again, who made no move to drop what he was doing and leave as well. “Let’s go then,” Takanori prompted him to stop working, but only received another frown in return.

“I can’t leave yet,” Yuu muttered tiredly. He closed the folder he had been looking through, then discarded it on one of the piles and grabbed the next one. “I need to get this finished tonight.” He licked his fingers in order to flip through the pages more easily, stirring up Takanori’s blood with that unintentionally alluring gesture.

“And what’s ‘this’?” Takanori pressed on, feeling his frown deepen with every second.

Yuu gestured around the room vaguely, pointing at the files. “An ex-employee of one of our clients is trying to sue their firm. He claims they stole his inventions. My father... _asked_ me to, uhm, dig up all the dirt I can find on him and his new firm. Uhm, as well as find any weak spot that might jeopardize our defense… the usual stuff, you know,” he explained scatterbrained, waving his hand dismissively through the air as though he was trying to swat a fly.

“Let me guess. By asked you mean your father yelled at you to get this shit done before tomorrow, no matter what,” Takanori concluded.

He sighed as Yuu looked at him sheepishly and nodded his head in confirmation, looking so fucking tired and yet so fucking gorgeous at the same time that Takanori cursed under his breath. That old man disgusted him; he might have been an excellent lawyer and was decent enough in dealing with his employees, yet he treated his own son like shit.

And Takanori couldn’t, for the love of it, understand why.

He had only known Yuu for a bit over a week, but he surely didn’t deserve this kind of shitty treatment. And while Takanori couldn’t do a thing to keep his best friend from being exploited, he was at least able to help Yuu. And if he played his cards right, he might even benefit from the whole situation himself.

Dropping his bag, Takanori rolled up the sleeves of his cardigan. This was evidently going to take a while. “Scoot over,” he ordered as he walked over to the leather couch that was covered in files as well.

Yuu just looked at him in confusion, not moving an inch. “What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like, dummy?” he replied, grabbing a stack of files from the couch to clear himself some space and balanced the files at the edge of the crowded table. “I’m helping you.” He snatched one of the folders from the pile that Yuu had gotten his most recent files from. He made sure to face Yuu instead of the table as he sat down next to him.

If he was going to stay half through the night, he at least wanted to make sure to look at the most pleasant thing in the office.

“You really don’t have to–“ Yuu started to protest, but he went silent and nibbled on his lip in defeat. “Thank you,” he finally uttered, an exhausted smile ghosting across his face.

“Don’t thank me yet,” Takanori retorted with a mischievous smile meanwhile he enjoyed the sight of Yuu sitting on the couch next to him, strands of his long, messy hair framing his attractive face, which gave him an almost angelic aura.

Looking at Yuu’s perfect features like that made his heart sting with envy and a numbing feeling of inferiority, which promptly caused Takanori to question his intentions of slowly seducing Yuu.

He had probably only gotten lucky the first time around, given how Yuu had been extremely drunk and extremely horny. No way in hell would this gorgeous man ever agree to sleep with him again, not even in a parallel universe.

Forcefully pushing aside those destructive thoughts that he knew deep down were the result of Akira’s adultery, he tried to focus on the task at hand, flipping through the first file. He mustn’t pay any mind to those thoughts repeatedly torturing him, which was why he needed a good distraction as soon as possible. And Yuu’s rejections hadn’t been determined enough yet to discourage him, he just needed to grasp the next opportunity that presented itself. To hell with those stupid nagging thoughts that tried to convince him that he wasn’t good enough.

Yuu’s body clearly told another story.

Yuu closed the next folder with a groan. He threw it on the discard-pile, rested his head on the backrest of the couch, and massaged his closed eye-lids.

Takanori didn’t hesitate as that utmost favorable opportunity presented itself so unexpectedly fast. He leant his back against the high armrest, and placed his legs across Yuu’s lap, which caused him to freeze and open his eyes wide.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a shaky voice, his cheeks flaring up again.

Suppressing a victorious grin, Takanori flipped through the pages deliberately, without so much as looking at Yuu, feigning ignorance. “Reading,” was his short reply. From behind the files, he watched Yuu stiffen, his arms pressed to either side of his body as to not touch Takanori’s legs by accident.

“No, uhm, I mean… why are your legs in my lap?”

Lowering the files he was holding, Takanori glanced at Yuu in disbelief, pretending like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he visibly made Yuu even more uncomfortable with his gaze. “I’m giving them a rest,” he explained simply. “Been running around all day, after all. My feet are starting to kill me.” It was only a half-truth. He had been on his feet for the bigger part of the day, and his feet were sore, but obviously that wasn’t the real reason behind his bold move.

He had contemplated the previous days whether he should take any action, but he figured if he didn’t take a risk every now and then, they would be getting nowhere. And Yuu’s flustered state was a sight for sore eyes, his helplessness somehow enticing. “It’s not my fault that there’s only one couch in your office.”

Yuu cleared his throat embarrassedly, still trying his hardest not to come into contact with Takanori’s legs as if they were covered in poisonous material. “C-Could you please remove them?” he all but begged him, now crossing his arms over his chest as he bit his lower lip in desperation.

“Huh?” Takanori wasn’t willing to yield, not even in the slightest bit. “And here I thought you liked my legs, what with you staring at them all day.” To stimulate Yuu even more, he slowly started to bend one leg to rub his calf against Yuu's thigh.

Bullseye.

Yuu’s head jerked to the side to look at him in horror, his cheeks still a deep shade of red. He shifted uncomfortably below Takanori’s moving leg. “Wh-What?” he stammered, his voice sounded panicked. “I-I’m not!” he denied to no avail, his eyes widened in shock. “I don’t like your legs! Why would I like your legs? Don’t be ridiculous!”

Takanori snorted. He pushed himself off the armrest, leaned closer to Yuu, grabbed a loose strand of hair and wrapped it around his index finger. Yuu was stark and stiff, unable to move, much to his pleasure. He was making it almost too easy for Takanori to tease him; not that Takanori was complaining. He brought his lips to Yuu’s ear, feeling him shiver as his breath caressed the sensitive skin. “You’re not fooling anyone,” he whispered into Yuu’s ear, trying to make his voice sound as husky as possible. “I know you wanna touch them. Go ahead!”

“ _No!_ ” Yuu blurted out, finally kicking Takanori’s legs off his lap and jumping to his feet. “You’re wrong!” he insisted, shaking his head violently.

Takanori sighed. Of course it wouldn’t be that simple after all. In the end Yuu was far too stubborn to give in and accept his fate this easily; notwithstanding, Takanori liked a challenge every now and then.

He silently watched as Yuu picked up his jacket, slipped it on and rummaged through the pockets for his cigarettes. “I need a smoke.”

“Whatever,” Takanori murmured, returning to the files in his lap. He wouldn’t give up that easily, but maybe it was best to focus on their work for now; unless he wanted to stay and work in this office all through the night. All in all, he really wanted to genuinely help Yuu, no matter how much he fooled around. “Why don’t you get more coffee while you’re at it?” he suggested, suppressing a yawn.

This wasn’t exactly what he had had in mind when he had said that he wanted to spend another night with Yuu.

However, Rome hadn’t been built in a day either.

And after all, good things came to those who waited.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chap is a bit late, but I was out of town over the weekend. Hope you guys will enjoy it though!

“In other words, you tried to sue my client for 3 billion yen and get revenge on them for firing you because you were embezzling money,” Yuu summed up his line of argument, his voice cold as ice.

Takanori bent forward, a satisfied grin playing around the corners of his mouth as he watched the so-called victim squirm and writhe like a worm, face paling visibly, and sweat dripping from his forehead.

“N-no… I- I didn’t… I wasn’t… I would never…” Takato Akiyama whined, having completely crumbled under the steady pressure Yuu had mercilessly exerted on him.

Admittedly, Takanori had been taken by surprise when he had first seen Yuu in action this day, fierce and intimidating; a far cry from the stuttering mess he turned into whenever Takanori would fool around with him.

And it was fucking hot.

Holding up an envelope he had presented as evidence, Yuu snorted. “These documents surely say otherwise.” He turned around, briefly catching Takanori’s glance before he gave his client a reassuring nod. “I think we’re finished here,” he concluded coolly.

_I want you to fuck me hard._

Takanori licked his lips, ignoring the desperate pleas of Akiyama, who vainly tried to save his own skin, and focused solely on Yuu instead.

Akiyama had been warned from the beginning that they would destroy him in court, but still, he had insisted on pursuing his ridiculous claims, and now he would pay the ultimate price for his foolishness.

Takanori didn’t have to accompany Yuu to court today, but he was more than glad that he had, for seeing Yuu, the lawyer, tear through that pitiful man was turning him on so much. He had been ruthless, and he had dominated the whole hearing, which had caused Takanori’s pants to grow uncomfortably tight.

But furthermore, he had gained immense respect for him after having worked on their first serious case together and having got to see him act out his skills as a lawyer firsthand.

He rose when the judge called for an intermission, and waited for Yuu to put all the files in his briefcase and join him while the rest of the audience left the room to take a break.

“Nice work,” he said, covering his hard-on with his jacket he was holding in hand. This was neither the right time nor the right place to get cozy with Yuu, no matter how tempting the thought was. Although Takanori was slowly getting impatient with his (more or less) subtle teasing, a courtroom surely wasn’t the right place to satisfy his needs; plus, Yuu still needed a little more convincing.

Just a little more pressure until he caved.

Takanori could feel it.

“Thanks,” Yuu muttered as his expressionlessness faded and revealed his exhaustion.

They had barely gotten any sleep the previous night as they had gone through all the files to come up with the best defense-strategy.

“You know what? Why don’t I buy you a coffee?” Takanori offered as they passed the large entrance doors of the courtroom. Surely there was nothing too arousing about getting a cup of coffee, and he could quell his needs during their recess. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Yuu didn’t argue, and let out a defeated sigh instead. “I feel like sleeping for a month,” he agreed before he sighed again. He fell silent, their footsteps echoing on the polished marble floor as they made their way to the elevators.

Takanori threw him worried side-glances, fearing that Yuu would collapse from fatigue at any moment; his cheeks were pale, dark rings circled his eyes. Truth be told, Takanori had fallen asleep for an hour or two during their all-nighter, all the while Yuu had pulled through the whole night, not resting for a single second until their work had been done.

“Thank you,” Yuu broke the silence as the elevator doors closed behind them. “I don’t think I would’ve managed this without your help,” he admitted, giving Takanori the ghost of a smile. He leaned against the metallic wall and closed his eyes. He looked utterly defeated and yet still breathtakingly beautiful.

Takanori felt a genuine smile flash across his face; imitating Yuu, he leaned against the elevator wall as well, purposefully brushing their shoulders together. “You’re welcome.”

This time, Yuu didn’t withdraw from his touch.

 

* * *

 

“You serious?” Takanori huffed upon entering Yuu’s office that same evening, where he discovered Yuu seated at his desk.

Yuu looked up from his laptop, his brows furrowed in confusion.

Takanori rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna stay late again?” Crossing his arms over his chest, he walked up to the desk.

Yuu shrugged. “I didn’t get anything done last night after my father dumped that case on me out of the blue,” he tried to justify himself, but was only met with an angered expression.

Takanori remained silent; he walked up to Yuu’s side and kicked his chair with force so that it rolled backwards a few inches, startling Yuu in the process.

“Oi, what are you doing?” he protested, before he tried to get back to his desk.

Takanori put himself between desk and chair, tapping his index finger against his upper arm in annoyance. This was not only truly ridiculous, but outright unacceptable. Yuu was going to overwork himself if he continued like that, and Takanori would have none of it. Unlike Yuu, he didn’t give a flying fuck about his father and the never-ending demands he put on his son.

Yuu looked like he was about to faint again, much like he had in the elevator of the court house earlier.

If he didn’t get a break soon, he would surely collapse.

“Not happening,” Takanori grunted, hopped on top of the desk, and dangled his legs around. “You need to get some fucking sleep!” He put his foot on the seating surface of the chair to keep Yuu from rolling any closer to his desk.

Yuu wouldn’t work anymore tonight, not if Takanori could help it.

His anger partially dissolved as he watched Yuu stare at his foot that was placed in between his thighs. His eyes wandered upward and fixated Takanori’s leg, which was once more clothed in tight leather pants.

Takanori bit his lip to suppress the smug smile, feeling the compelling urge to move his foot forward and press it against Yuu’s crotch. The part of him that was growing tired of these little games was getting stronger by the minute, urging him to screw the subtleties and finally take action instead of beating around the bush all the damn time.

“Please let me get back to work,” Yuu asked him in a tired voice, though his exhausted mind obviously still registered the proximity of Takanori’s foot, which made him blush faintly, returning at least a bit of color to his cheeks.

“Geez, you’re such a moron!” Takanori exclaimed, not bothering with hiding his frustration. “You did a fucking great job in court today! So you should get some fucking rest instead of wearing yourself out with even more work! Go home and celebrate your victory or something, for fuck’s sake!” he swore incessantly, raising the volume of his voice with every sentence.

Yuu didn’t even blink at the insult or the swearwords, and shook his head in disagreement. “If anything, _we_ did a great job,” he objected matter-of-factly, voice laced with fatigue. “It was _our_ victory, not mine. I told you I wouldn’t have pulled through if it hadn’t been for you. And yet you’re still here, yelling at me instead of getting some well-deserved rest yourself, so don’t lecture me.” Yuu’s expression was adamant, his full lips pressed together in a thin line; Takanori wanted to kick his stubborn, defiant ass. “You deserve some of the credit as well. I’m still of the opinion that you should’ve been second chair.”

Takanori clicked his tongue as he remembered their previous debates concerning this topic; he had been unyielding, declining the position as second chair. Yuu was an honest soul, true to the motto “Credit where credit is due”, however, their law firms hadn’t merged yet, which meant Takanori had no business officially interfering with the Shiroyamas’ work. He had told Yuu so repeatedly, much to the other’s displeasure.

“You’re too sweet,” Takanori interjected, then he placed his hands on both sides of his body, gripping the edge of the desk. “But I very much enjoyed the show from afar,” he added, biting his lower lip lasciviously. He removed his foot from the chair and pushed himself off the desk, moving his body forward, and he replaced his foot between Yuu’s legs with his knee.

As usual, Yuu froze completely, his eyes widened in shock as Takanori brought his face close to his, lips inches away from Yuu’s. “You were so fucking hot in that courtroom,” he breathed, pressing his knee against Yuu’s crotch, coaxing a stifled gasp out of him. His fingers stroked his chest gently; he felt Yuu’s breathing speed up at the longing touch. Takanori brought his lips to his ear, utterly enjoying having him at his mercy, unable to move a muscle. “I wanted you to fuck me on the judge’s desk so fucking bad,” he whispered before he licked the sensitive skin of Yuu’s ear, making him shiver beneath his fingertips. He rubbed his knee against Yuu’s crotch, and smiled victoriously as he felt his stirring erection. “All I could think about was bending over and getting fucked by you as hard as you fucked me the first time.”

“Oh God,” Yuu moaned quietly, turning his head to the side to try and bring some distance in between his ear and Takanori’s lips. “Please,” he begged faintly, moaning once more as Takanori pressed his knee against his hardening cock again. “Pl-please, Takanori… I-I’m not… I can’t… Oh God!” And again.

 _I’m not finished with you yet_ , Takanori thought, his cheeks burning hotly at his own arousal. He wanted Yuu here and now, but he knew full well that that wouldn’t happen. Not while Yuu was still too scared to admit his own sexuality to himself.

Takanori bit down on the sensitive spot of Yuu’s nape lightly, then licked the same spot with the very tip of his tongue.

Yuu writhed under his touch, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a moan; his hands gripped both armrests tightly in an attempt to steady himself – or possibly keep himself from touching Takanori as well.

“I’m going to touch myself tonight while I think of your big cock thrusting into me,” Takanori whispered, tracing Yuu’s artery with his tongue, and palming his own erection through his leather pants. God, how he wished Yuu would simply rip them off of him and start fucking him already. He hadn’t been this desperate to get laid in months, with none of the other men he had wasted his time with.

Yuu’s breathing was becoming heavy and erratic, his chest rose and fell quickly. “ _Fuck!_ ” he uttered with a throaty voice, gasping for air. “Please, Takanori, hgnnn, please,” he pleaded, a moan interrupting his pleas as he glanced at Takanori and saw him rub his palm across his own hard-on.

“I’m gonna be so naughty tonight,” Takanori pressed on, pleasure running down his spine at the desirous glint in Yuu’s eyes. He almost had him where he wanted him, he could read it all over Yuu’s face; if the hardened cock pressed against his knee wasn’t indication enough.

He had aroused him close to Yuu’s breaking point, Takanori was certain of it. Now all he had to do was pull himself together and let Yuu’s sexual frustration pend up until he couldn’t take it anymore, and it would surely take care of the rest.

He was so close to getting what he wanted. What he craved so desperately.

“You know where I live,” he murmured seductively. His nail drew a line across Yuu’s chest, downward to the waistband of his pants, and he tugged at it playfully, which caused Yuu’s body to stiffen in panic. “If you need help with _that_.” Lightly, his fingertips caressed the bulge in Yuu’s pants.

Gathering all the self-restraint he could muster, Takanori retreated, freeing Yuu from their immediate proximity as he removed his knee from his crotch, much to his own disappointment. He would have loved to continue their little incident, however, he knew not to push his luck too much. After all, he didn’t want the hot-tempered Yuu to snap and do something unpredictable.

Seeing how Yuu avoided to even look at him, his face turned away in shame, Takanori knew he still wasn’t ready.

Not yet anyway.

“Don’t stay up late,” Takanori said nonchalantly as if nothing had just happened between them, rounded the desk and grabbed his bag. He looked over his shoulder; Yuu was staring into nothingness, lips pressed together violently, looking so completely distraught that Takanori immediately felt bad for having cornered him like that.

And although Yuu hadn’t explicitly told him to stop, he knew that what he had just done could, strictly speaking, be considered as sexual harassment; no matter how Yuu’s body had responded to his words and touches.

Swallowing the bitter taste of guilt and remorse, Takanori quickly left the office.

The damage was done, and it was no use crying over spilled milk.

 

* * *

 

Slamming the door of his apartment shut, Yuu let out an angry groan.

What the fuck did this midget think he was doing? And who the fuck did he think he was?

Yuu’s blood was boiling, his cheeks flared up in embarrassment as he thought back to the scene that had happened between them in his office. He kicked his shoes off, took off his jacket, and discarded it carelessly on the couch, along with his briefcase. Even though he had tried his hardest to make Takanori understand that he wasn’t fucking interested, the other had relentlessly continued to harass him. To make matters worse, his body had reacted to those inappropriate touches in the worst way possible, making Yuu question himself all over again.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

This wasn’t how he was supposed to react to another man touching him.

He still didn’t understand what the fuck was wrong with him.

Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he entered the kitchenette, grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured himself a whiskey. The mere thought of Takanori’s knee pressing against his crotch made his blood rush downward to southern regions; he still felt his tongue on his skin, leaving tingling sensations wherever Takanori had licked him.

Yuu chugged the whiskey, sighing as the alcohol burned in his throat. Needless to say, he hadn’t gotten any more work done that evening. He had been far too distracted by these preposterous cravings cursing through his confused body to focus on any of it. And it was all Takanori’s fault. If that damned midget hadn’t plagued him like that, he wouldn’t have been in such a disarray now, resorting to alcohol consumption again as a means to cope.

Why was Takanori so insistent on ruining his life?

Everything had been fine before he had met him in that stupid bar; the lines had been clear, and not blurry and confusing as they were now.

At least that was what he told himself.

Yuu poured himself another glass, gulping it down as quickly as the first one, and he felt a most welcome buzz caused by the alcohol start to form in his head. He placed the glass in the sink, then made his way into the bathroom. He still felt Takanori’s touches all over his skin and body, and it was

_(arousing)_

humiliating. He needed a shower, he needed to scrub every inch of his skin until it burned and until he had removed every last ounce of tingling sensation from his body. He stripped out of his clothes, dumped them in the washing machine drum immediately, and entered the shower cabinet. Turning on the water, he closed his eyes, letting it run across his exhausted body. His muscles, however, remained tensed as he was unable to get the incident with Takanori out of his head. He was fucking pissed at himself for his inability to push Takanori away, to make him stop, to tell him to back the fuck off because it had felt so fucking

_(good)_

bad to be touched by him like that. It was wrong, and inappropriate and Yuu had no fucking clue why he had frozen in place like he had yet again. He had no fucking clue why his skin had burned like it had wherever Takanori’s tongue and teeth had touched him, or why his cock had hardened when Takanori had pressed his knee against it. All he had wanted was for him to

_(keep going)_

stop what he had been doing immediately, and yet he had been unable to tell him so. Yuu clenched his fist, hitting the tiled wall with it lightly, not hard enough to cause more than a faint sting in his hand. He was truly pathetic. Had he grown so desperate and horny like a pubescent teenager that he didn’t even distinguish between man and woman anymore?

No – he was just fucking tired that was all. Takanori was right with one thing – if he didn’t get any sleep soon, he would undoubtedly lose his mind; he was already at the brink, just one more push and he would tumble. And his exhaustion had to be the reason for his inability to move his body as Takanori had practically assaulted him. There was just no other way.

_“I wanted you to fuck me on the judge’s desk so fucking bad.”_

Yuu uttered an aroused moan as the words flashed through his mind, sending a heated wave through his whole body, making his cock twitch at the mental image of Takanori lying on that judge’s desk, completely naked and erect, waiting for Yuu to take him, fuck him hard and relentlessly. He opened his eyes, blinking through the curtain of down-pouring water, desperately trying to get rid of these intrusive images that made him hard when they had no place to do so.

_“I’m going to touch myself tonight while I think of your big cock thrusting into me.”_

More mental images flooded his dizzy mind, images of him pounding into Takanori, making him shiver and writhe under his own body, sweaty skin pressed against equally sweaty skin, that sinful tongue of Takanori’s tracing every inch of his skin it could reach. Subconsciously, Yuu reached for his pulsing erection, and he let out another moan as he stroked it once, twice, thrice. He sighed, sinking his forehead against the wall of the shower cabinet, while he continued to pleasure himself, getting high off the intoxicating bliss running through his veins, numbing all other feelings.

Feeling the remains of the imprints Takanori’s touches had left on him, he backtracked to the scene in his office, and pictured himself grabbing those delicate legs, running his fingers along the leathery fabric, coaxing all kinds of sounds from Takanori’s throat. He imagined squeezing that ass firmly, pulling Takanori closer and closer, bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss, all the while he increased the speed and force with which he worked his throbbing cock, moaning shamelessly at the intense pleasure he was giving himself.

He visualized throwing Takanori atop his desk, running his hands up those delicious thighs before ripping those pants off of him, grinding against Takanori’s own erection, burying his tongue deep into the other’s mouth, kissing and nibbling away at those maddening lips, leaving Takanori powerless and incapacitated for once.

Yuu gave his cock a final stroke, moaning and gasping for air as he released into his own hand, his muscles contracting at the pleasure of his orgasm. Completely overwhelmed by his momentary bliss, he grabbed the faucet to keep his balance, breathing heavily; his body swayed lightly in his exhaustion.

His state of ecstasy was short-lived, however, and as the lingering aftertaste of his orgasm faded, his conscious came back to him, the reality of his actions hitting him like a train, forcing the air out of his lungs. Yuu gasped in horror, dread filled him to the brim before it got replaced by utter shame.

Stupefied, he let go of the faucet; he grabbed a sponge and began cleansing himself, scraping across his skin as though he could get rid of his shame that way. It didn’t work, though, and he threw the sponge away in frustration, resorting to washing his hair instead all the while he tried his hardest not to think about the atrocity he had just committed. His first impulse was to blame Takanori again, blame him for Yuu’s own wrong-doings, blame him for Yuu’s own screwed up feelings, simply blame him for everything.

Because it was easier that way.

Because it was easier to blame Takanori than to accept that he was the one who was messed up. That he was the one who had something utterly wrong with him. Because it was easier to blame Takanori instead of admitting the painful, ugly truth.

Fighting down what could only be a panic attack, Yuu turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower. He shivered as the lukewarm air greeted his heated body, so he quickly wrapped himself in a big towel before wrapping a smaller, second one around his damp hair. He was grateful for the steamed over mirror, which prevented him from looking at his own pitiful reflection.

Head bowed in shame, he left the bathroom, traversed the living room and entered his bedroom, where he snatched his pajamas, purposefully avoiding to gaze at the big mirrored door of his wardrobe. He couldn’t bear to even consider looking at his own reflection, too deep sat his shame of what he had done in the shower.

Of what it meant for him.

He slipped his pajamas on, thoughtlessly discarded his towel in the laundry bin and hurriedly left his bedroom again. Even though he felt tired and exhausted, he was certain that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for a long time, not with his thoughts running amok like this. They drove him crazy and made him want to smash his head against a wall repeatedly.

What in the devil’s name had he done?

He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it, still couldn’t understand what was wrong with him. In all honesty, he didn’t want to understand. Because trying to understand meant opening himself up to that one possibility; that one possibility that had always hovered above his head like the sword of Damocles, frightening him more than anything else.

It was simply not possible.

Or was it?

Retrieving the glass from the sink, he poured himself another glass of whiskey, put it to his lips before he lowered his hand again. Even the familiar scent of the whiskey felt sickening now, which forced him to put the glass down. Leaning against the counter, Yuu removed the towel from his hair, drying it lazily, before he threw the towel onto the countertop. He had never been one to leave his stuff lying around everywhere and actually prided himself with a tidy apartment, but tonight he just couldn’t bring himself to care. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything but that one nagging thought which kept circulating through his head. That one nagging suspicion which had gnawed at him for months was now baring its fangs at him mercilessly, growling like a wild beast as it demanded to be let out of its constricting cage. All of his denial and all of his suppressed emotions were caving in over his head, the house of cards was finally crumbling, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He couldn’t keep the wild beast at bay anymore; not at the cost of his sanity.

He finally needed certainty or he would go insane.

Moreover, he needed help in gaining said certainty.

And he knew exactly where to get it.


	6. Chapter 6

_This is a mistake._

Staring at the white apartment door, Yuu swallowed dryly. The courage he had spent all Saturday building up had vanished from his body completely as he stood in front of that cursed door. His resolution to finally get certainty for himself wavered, and was about to crumble like a sandcastle exposed to the merciless tide. His fist was frozen mid-air, hovering inches from the door, ready to knock as soon as his courage came back from its indefinite leave.

This was insane.

Why had he returned here? What was he hoping to accomplish? This was the worst idea he had ever come up with. He would much rather just return to the comfort of his own apartment, and wallow in self-pity over his screwed up feelings that had kept him up for the greater part of the night.

 _You’re here to get answers_ , he reminded himself, trying to calm his shaking fist. _Because you can’t deal with this shit on your own anymore._

Right.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door, instantly regretted it and hoped that nobody was home. He should have just stayed at home and watch a stupid movie to distract himself; push his problems down and ignore them as usual, pray they would go away on their own.

He turned his back on the door, ready to just run away again like the coward he was, but the sound of the door swinging open froze him on the spot.

“Yuu?” he heard a deep voice ask in surprise, and he cursed himself in his mind. “I didn’t expect for you to actually show up here.” Not even a minute had passed and he was already teasing him again, the smirk evident in the tone of his voice.

Grinding his teeth together to keep from swearing out loud, Yuu turned around to face Takanori with a forced smile. “Uhm,” he began, his teeth tugging at his lower lip in embarrassment. The smug smile on Takanori’s face both pissed him off and filled him with anxiety, and for once he found himself wishing that Takanori was wearing one of his gloomy expressions he always kept so well-hidden instead. Or tried to, anyway.

It did help, though, that he was wearing slack sweatpants as opposed to his usual tight leather pants. “Uhm… I, uhm… Actually, I need your help,” he stammered, rubbing his neck sheepishly as he purposefully avoided to look Takanori in the eye. This was the worst idea of the century.

Upon his words, Takanori’s eyes wandered downward to blatantly stare at Yuu’s crotch.

He wanted to hit him over the head for his impertinent behavior, feeling the regret upon coming here build up steadily inside of him. “I didn’t come here for that,” he hissed, glaring at Takanori in anger. “You know what? Forget it. Coming here was a mistake!” He turned on his heel, wishing he had never come in the first place.

“Yuu, wait,” Takanori called after him. He grabbed his wrist to keep him from leaving.

Yuu swung around, ready to yell at him to let the fuck go of him, but was silenced by the remorseful expression on Takanori’s face; these mood swings were undoubtedly about to give Yuu whiplash.

“I’m sorry,” Takanori mumbled, releasing his grip on Yuu’s wrist. He stepped aside, holding the door open for him. “Why don’t you come inside and tell me what’s bothering you?”

Yuu didn’t like that knowing look with which he regarded him as though he could read Yuu’s mind and already knew what he had come to see him about.

Swallowing his nervousness, Yuu entered Takanori’s apartment, heart racing relentlessly in his chest. He felt Takanori’s eyes pierce his back as the door snapped shut, which caused him to stiffen and feel trapped. Now it was too late for him to turn back.

Now there was no way out of this anymore.

He followed Takanori into the modern-looking kitchen, warily looking around the room. It was as clean as the rest of the apartment had been the first time Yuu had been here. Somehow, this helped ease his anxiety the slightest bit, and gave him enough courage to actually look at Takanori.

Only now did he realize that the other was wearing more subtle make-up this time around, his whole appearance more plain than he had ever seen him before. Which didn’t mean that he was any less beautiful though.

 _Beautiful?_ Yuu shifted uncomfortably at the thought, and he bit down on the inside of his cheek to stifle a hysterical laughter.

Takanori raised his eyebrow questioningly, then turned around and opened a cupboard. “You want some wine?” he asked, fetching a glass before looking at Yuu.

He nodded shyly; some alcohol might actually help him loosen up and get back some of that courage that had left him on his own so unabashedly. He watched in silence as Takanori poured them some red wine, and hesitantly took the glass the other handed him.

Takanori nipped at his drink, casually leaning against the counter. “So, what do you need help with?”

Yuu averted his eyes, opting to stare at the burgundy fluid swirling in his glass instead. He felt a familiar ice-cold hand seize his heart and squeeze it tightly; trepidation clutched his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. He had already dreaded this question, although he dreaded what would come afterwards even more. “I, uhm, I was wondering…” he began, not taking his eyes off the wine, and he felt his throat tighten in anxiety at the words trying to leave his mouth. “I, uhm… H-how did you know?” he whispered, too afraid to look at Takanori.

Takanori took another sip of his wine. “Know what?” he inquired curiously.

Yuu shook his head, feeling frustrated at his own cowardice and fear; he felt like a frightened little boy that had broken one of his parents’ expensive plates by accident. “That you, uhm… that you were…” his voice broke as he was unable to say the word out loud.

“Gay?” Takanori helped him out in an unusually soft tone that made Yuu look up in surprise.

He had expected more teasing, mockery at worst, but instead was met with a delicacy he hadn’t anticipated. A delicacy he hadn’t thought Takanori capable of if he was completely honest with himself. Apparently, there was much more to the other man than he had given him credit for.

“Yeah.”

Takanori tilted his head, getting lost in thought for a moment. “Why don’t we take this into the living room?” he offered. He didn’t wait for a reply but simply waved for Yuu to follow him as he led him into the spacious living room and motioned for him to take a seat on the white leather couch.

Takanori dropped down beside him, crossed his legs and swirled the wine in his glass thoughtfully. “There was a guy at my school,” he commenced, all the while Yuu finally dared to take the first sip of his wine.

Even though he wasn’t the most fervent wine-drinker, he had to admit that it was really tasty. Moreover, it helped ease some of his anxiety and gather enough courage to look at Takanori.

“Well, he was a senior, and a really cool dude, so obviously I admired him a lot.” Takanori paused, tracing the outer side of the glass with his thumb. “At least that’s what I thought at first, you know? It’s what I kept telling myself. That I was only getting flustered because he was so cool and popular,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I thought there was nothing wrong with that. And I also thought that I was simply some kind of a late bloomer or whatever because unlike any of the boys in my class I wasn’t interested in any of the girls, no matter how pretty they were.” He glanced at Yuu meaningfully, who became stiff upon hearing that part of Takanori’s story. “I didn’t realize the truth until he invited me to one of his parties. I got really drunk,” he uttered a humorless laugh, “not that it takes much for me to get drunk – and somehow ended up making out with him. That’s when I finally put two and two together. In vinos veritas as they say.” He raised his glass to Yuu, then took another sip.

“That sounds… so easy,” Yuu mumbled, staring down at the glass in his hands, shoulders slouched. Part of him still denied this possibility with all its might. Part of him still couldn’t believe he was seriously entertaining this possibility in the first place at all. It still seemed so farfetched and ridiculous to him.

Takanori laughed dryly. “It wasn’t, trust me.” Yuu could feel his eyes linger on him, words unspoken dangling in the air between them. “But you’re not really here to talk about me, are you?”

“I just don’t know what to do,” Yuu admitted quietly, his hands beginning to shake. “There are all these… confusing feelings inside of me. Feelings I feel like I shouldn’t have because they’re wrong. At least they should be. But they feel so right,” he whispered in a hoarse voice, fighting down the tears of frustration and pent up loneliness. He was just so tired. He was tired of feeling confused and scared, and he was tired of feeling alone, unable to connect with anyone. “I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something wrong with me, and I just don’t know what it is.” For all the effort it took him to admit these feelings to himself, it was somehow surprisingly easy to tell Takanori about them; though he truly didn’t know why that was. Or why he had the odd feeling like he could trust the other with his turmoil – maybe it was because Takanori seemed to have gone through something similar, according to his story, and because he had been willing to share it with Yuu in the first place.

Takanori had bent forward, attentively listening to every single one of Yuu’s words, brows furrowed. “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you,” he objected firmly. “And there’s nothing wrong with feeling confused about your sexuality. And second,” he narrowed his eyes in wary apprehension, “what do you feel when a woman touches you?”

Yuu’s eyes widened upon that direct question, his mouth fell agape. He hadn’t expected that kind of question, and he was scared to answer it, though he knew he had to in order to make any progress. “Nothing,” he confessed truthfully. He had managed to get it up with a few women occasionally, though he had always been beyond drunk and horny at those times, now that he thought about it.

Takanori nodded his agreement, evidently having expected such an answer. “And what did you feel when I touched you?” he pressed further, though his demeanor was void of any teasing or ulterior motive this time around.

Yuu almost dropped his glass and spilled the wine all over the couch in shock. His heart began to hammer rapidly in his chest, pumping the blood into his cheeks and making him blush furiously. He felt his cock twitch at the memory of Takanori’s knee pressed against it, causing him to bite down on his lower lip to hold back a moan.

Oh dear God, this couldn’t be happening.

“Y-You know full well,” he stuttered, gulping down all of his wine in one go. This was beyond embarrassing, all Yuu wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. “But d-does that really mean that I’m…” his voice failed him completely, he simply couldn’t bring himself to utter the word. He was still too scared to do it, still too afraid to truly consider this possibility.

“You know, I could help you find out for certain,” Takanori offered cautiously. “If you let me.”

Not trusting his voice, Yuu slowly nodded. He was scared out of his mind, he was afraid of what might happen, of whatever truth he would come upon. But he was also beyond tired of constantly wondering who he truly was and what was possibly wrong with him. And after all, he had come here to gain certainty once and for all.

There was no room for chickening out, not anymore.

Though he did feel like panicking as Takanori grabbed his glass and removed it from his hand, before he placed both it and his own on the coffee table. Then, he gracefully climbed onto his lap, which caused Yuu to gasp in shock. He felt his stomach flutter in response to the heat Takanori’s body emitted, and instantly regretted agreeing to whatever the hell Takanori was about to do. “Please tell me if anything I do is unbearable to you,” he whispered, face inches away from Yuu’s. “Unbearable,” he repeated emphatically, “not uncomfortable. There’s an important difference. Just say the word and I’ll stop.”

Yuu nodded again, not daring to look at him, but he was forced to as Takanori lifted his chin with his fingers. “Don’t be scared,” he breathed, running his thumb across Yuu’s trembling lower lip. He bent forward, lips hovering inches over Yuu’s, making his heart pick up pace that he felt like it would jump out of his chest at any moment.

Part of him wanted to turn his head away, to tell Takanori to stop, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t pull away, partly because he was frozen on the spot, but partly because he knew he had to go through with this in order to get some answers. And part of himself longed for it; longed for Takanori to get closer, to finally join their lips and kiss him.

That part of himself scared him the most.

His heart skipped a beat once Takanori gently pressed his lips against his, making him shiver with pleasure. He was still too scared to move, too scared to do anything but simply let it happen. He felt Takanori’s lips move against his, causing his cheeks to flare up with heat and a strange tingling sensation flooded his body from head to toe, demanding _more._

He gasped quietly as Takanori removed his lips for a second, only to kiss him again the next, this time with more drive. And Yuu felt these strange feelings again, felt his desire to pull Takanori closer, to get _more_ until he couldn’t bear it anymore. He was walking a tight-rope again, about to lose balance and fall off into the darkness. And all he wanted to do was let go, to give in to these most pleasant feelings.

So finally, he did.

Hesitantly, he started to move his lips against Takanori’s, feeling him smirk against his lips but tried his hardest to suppress the image of the other man grinning smugly, and just focus on the sensation coursing through his veins.

Takanori squeezed their bodies together as he buried his fingers in Yuu’s hair to pull his face even closer, and he moaned quietly as their crotches rubbed against each other.

A shiver ran down Yuu’s spine as he felt Takanori’s hard-on press against his own growing erection. He opened himself up to the kiss, taking in the sweet taste of wine on Takanori’s lips that intoxicated him with their every touch. His lips that left him with an almost painful longing for more.

All too willingly he accepted Takanori’s tongue into his mouth, and sighed into their passionate kiss as his mind shut off completely. He was tired of thinking and overthinking, all he wanted was to taste more of these delicious lips, to bring their tongues together in a heated play over and over again.

Because it felt so fucking good.

He ran his hands over Takanori’s thighs, feeling the other shiver under his touch, and grabbed his ass firmly to pull him closer and make their erections collide.

Takanori broke their kiss, moaning loudly before he bit down on Yuu’s lower lip and kissed him again passionately.

Yuu’s hands kept wandering over Takanori’s body; they glided across the fabric of his shirt, making their way up his back. He placed one hand between Takanori’s shoulder blades, and grabbed his neck with the other, hungrily deepening their heated kiss. He had held his feelings and desires in for far too long; and now, they were crashing over him like gigantic waves, pulling him downward into the dark, deep sea.

If this was what drowning felt like, he never wanted it to end.

Takanori removed his hands from his hair, and trailed his fingers down Yuu’s chest; his whole body was trembling under his touch, begging for more. He moaned into the kiss as Takanori’s fingers slid under his shirt to trace his abs and slowly glided upwards to his nipples, and made him writhe as he twisted one of them teasingly.

His own hands fell back to Takanori’s thighs, kneading them, and Takanori grinded against his crotch, his nails scratched across his skin lightly, causing him to shiver with pleasure. His lips left Yuu’s mouth, and focused their attention on his neck instead, where he bit down on his skin playfully before he placed chaste kisses on the sensitive skin, driving Yuu crazy with want. Takanori’s lips made their way upward, stopping at his ear. “I want you so badly,” he whispered hoarsely, nibbling at his earlobe hungrily.

Yuu felt his hardened cock twitch at the words, the mental images from the previous night flared up in his mind again, and he moaned.

Takanori released his earlobe and removed his hands from under Yuu’s shirt.

Yuu opened his eyes in confusion and was met with Takanori’s beautiful face; his lips were swollen and his cheeks shone in a deep red, while his eyes were clouded with lust.

Licking his lower lip lasciviously, Takanori got off Yuu’s lap, leaving behind an uncomfortably cold emptiness. He stretched out his hand, offering for Yuu to take it.

Doubt was beginning to form in Yuu’s mind again, an unbearable hesitancy threatened to take away all of the positive emotions Takanori had unleashed inside of him. And he was afraid. But this time, he wasn’t afraid of the longing sensation lurking deep within him anymore.

He was afraid of losing it.

If this was wrong, then for once he didn’t want to be right.

For once he just wanted to make a mistake, to do something out of his own selfish desires, to not feel lonely and numb anymore. He grabbed a hold of Takanori’s hand and rose as well before his anxiety got the better of him, and with his heart beating faster than ever before in his life, he followed him into the hallway, from where Takanori led him down a familiar path into his bedroom.

As soon as the bedroom door fell shut behind them, Takanori was at his lips again, kissing him longingly as he pushed Yuu backwards and tugged at his shirt impatiently.

He returned the kiss, welcoming how his mind turned blank once again as he felt his calves collide with the mattress, and before he knew what had hit him, he was on his back, Takanori sitting in his lap again as he finally pulled the shirt over his head.

Yuu’s head jolted up and he caught Takanori’s lips in another passionate kiss, dragging him down onto the mattress with him. Once more, Takanori broke their kiss. Once more, he began to trail his lips along Yuu’s neck, who closed his eyes and uttered sighs of arousal at the fervent touches of Takanori’s lips and fingers. He gasped in delighted surprise as he felt Takanori’s tongue lick across his skin, making its way across his chest and leaving behind a burning sensation wherever it touched Yuu.

Takanori went deeper, tracing his tongue over Yuu’s abs, gently biting down on the skin with his teeth, which gave him the most pleasant goosebumps.

However, his blood ran cold when Takanori tugged at the waistband of his jeans longingly, where his fingertips came in touch with Yuu’s throbbing erection, which coaxed an involuntary moan from his throat. Stricken with a sudden fear, Yuu froze as Takanori opened his pants and rid him of both his jeans and boxers in a swift movement to expose his hardened cock. Takanori licked his lips lewdly, relishing the sight of Yuu’s erection, which made his cock twitch in painful anticipation.

Nevertheless, his fear threatened to overtake him once more.

Yuu wanted to open his mouth, he wanted to tell Takanori to wait, to stop, but he couldn’t utter a single word.

Instead, he moaned loudly as Takanori grabbed his erection at the shaft and licked the tip of his cock, before he took in Yuu’s length, and made him moan again as he felt the hotness of his mouth engulf his pulsing cock.

“Oh God!” Yuu burst out, gripping the headboard with one hand, and writhing with pleasure as Takanori began to suck him off skillfully. The fingers of his other hand moved on their own accord; they entangled themselves in Takanori’s hair, pulling and tugging at the strands as Takanori’s head bobbed up and down as his mouth pleasured Yuu and coaxed one moan after the other from him. His nails dug into Takanori’s scalp, causing him to scrape his teeth along the sensitive skin of Yuu’s cock, eliciting another moan of pleasure from him.

Just as he felt his release nearing, Takanori stopped.

He raised his head to look at Yuu with a smug smile, wiping his lip with his thumb. Seductively, he stripped out of his clothes to reveal his equally hardened erection, and palmed it shamelessly as he caught Yuu’s gaze. He reached for the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Yuu watched breathlessly as Takanori slicked his own fingers and placed them at his entrance. He pushed one of them inside, and moaned as he did so, causing Yuu to groan in arousal and wish that it was his cock inside of him instead. He continued to watch Takanori as he moved his finger inside of himself, adding two more fingers to prepare himself, repeatedly moaning with pleasure.

He felt his own cock twitch and leak at the delicious sight, and he reached for his erection to soothe the throbbing sensation.

However, Takanori seized his hand to keep Yuu from touching himself, a dominant smirk on his lips. “Bad boy,” he scolded Yuu in a husky voice before he removed his fingers and grabbed the condom. He slipped it over Yuu’s cock, and stroked his length once as he slicked it up, causing Yuu to moan once more, this time in pleasant anticipation. His cock had long taken over his thinking, all he could think about was Takanori, who climbed atop his lap again, positioning himself. He didn’t care about wrong and right anymore, not in this moment, not under these circumstances.

All he cared about was how much he wanted Takanori.

Takanori lowered himself on his erection, uttering a soft moan as Yuu’s cock filled him up. Yuu shivered as his tight hotness engulfed him, his cock throbbed longingly. “Fuck, you’re so big,” Takanori moaned, staying completely still as he waited for his body to get accustomed to Yuu’s cock.

After a few moments, he finally started moving, slowly at first, but increasing the pace with which he fucked himself on Yuu’s cock with every thrust.

Yuu gripped his hips, meeting Takanori’s movements with his own hips, feeling his cock pulsate every time his muscles contracted around it. Takanori moaned loudly as Yuu found his sweet spot, and thrusted into it over and over again. Yuu pushed himself upward to lock their lips in a hungry kiss as his hands roamed the sweaty skin of Takanori’s back greedily. He wanted more and more, couldn’t get enough of that deliciously soft skin.

Takanori seized his right hand and brought it down between them, which caused Yuu to freeze for a split second and break the kiss. “Trust me,” he breathed against Yuu’s ear, nibbling at it again. “Don’t be scared.” With that, he brought Yuu’s hand to his own cock that had been left unattended for the most part, encouraging him to touch it.

Yuu swallowed down his initial panic, wrapping his fingers around Takanori’s erection and stroking it cautiously. Takanori threw his head back and uttered an unbridled moan, tangling his fingers in the long strands of Yuu’s disheveled hair and tugged on them, looking utterly breathtaking. “Fuck!” he exclaimed in ecstasy. “Harder!”

Yuu obeyed, working his erection harder, meanwhile he felt the pressure on his own cock increase steadily. He wouldn’t be able to bear it much longer. Regardless, he kept thrusting into Takanori, whose movements had become sluggish; the other was breathing heavily, his head still thrown back in pleasure while Yuu continued to drive him closer to the edge.

His muscles tightened around Yuu’s cock as he released himself into Yuu’s hand, trembling uncontrollably, his moans echoing in Yuu’s ears. He thrust into him once more, before his own release overwhelmed him, and Yuu bit down on Takanori’s collarbone to stifle his moans as he kept thrusting into the other riding out his orgasm.

Takanori hissed painfully, and he let go of his skin to stare at the red bite mark in muffled shock. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, still high on his orgasm and not yet fully grasping what had just transpired between them and what he had just done. As exhaustion hit him, he sank backwards into the cushions, dragging Takanori with him, who was still entangled with his body.

Panting heavily, they stayed like that for a few minutes, trying to catch their breaths and stop their bodies from shaking.

The first one to move was Takanori.

He climbed off Yuu, and reached for the drawer again. Yuu watched in a daze as Takanori grabbed some tissues and started to clean them of the sticky evidence of their encounter.

Unmoving, he kept watching Takanori, all the while his body slowly came down from his high, handing the reigns back to his exhausted mind. With it came the full realization of what had just happened between the two of them. The realization of what he had let happen.

Immediately, panic started to snap at him, trying to take huge bites out of him and tear through his bliss. His body began to shake as shame snarled at him mercilessly. He buried his face in the crook of his arm, trying to calm the shaking of his body whilst his anxiety ripped through his soul like a bulldozer. “Oh God,” Yuu murmured, the helplessness evident in his voice. “What have I done?”

He felt a blanket get thrown over his body, before a hand tugged at his arm, trying to remove it from his face. “Hey, look at me,” Takanori asked him softly, giving his arm a gentle nudge. “Yuu, please look at me.”

Reluctantly, Yuu followed his plea, slowly removed the arm from his face and blinked at Takanori. “What?!” he snapped, his mind ready to blame the other man again instantly. No, it was Yuu’s own fault. He should have told Takanori to stop, he should have pushed him away, to hell with whatever emotions he thought had stirred inside of him.

“What’s wrong?” Takanori wanted to know, seemingly unbothered by Yuu’s outburst.

“What’s wrong?” Yuu mimicked him. “You ask me _what’s fucking wrong_ after what we just did?” Unable to look at Takanori, he turned his head away in shame. He felt like screaming, and crying, and punching something all at the same time. There was a hurricane raging inside of him, destroying everything it came in contact with, especially the last bits of his sanity. The picture he had had of himself for the last decade was crumbling, revealing another Yuu underneath it.

A Yuu he didn’t recognize.

A Yuu he was scared of.

Takanori’s brows furrowed in irritation. He grabbed Yuu’s chin, forcing him to look at him again. “I want you to listen to me,” he demanded in a soft but determined voice. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to men, you hear me?”

Yuu wanted to protest, but Takanori pressed his finger to Yuu’s lips to silence him. “And there is nothing wrong with you either. So you like men. What’s the big deal? It’s who you are. There’s no reason to feel ashamed.”

Fighting back the tears, Yuu shook his head. He wanted to believe him, he truly did. But he was afraid. Afraid what people would think of him if they found out. Afraid that his family, or worse Yutaka, would abandon him if they learned about his sexuality that he was still struggling to come to terms with himself. He had had his suspicions for a while when he kept failing to get excited with any woman time and time again, though he had always been too scared to admit it.

And now he had slept with Takanori.

Again.

And fuck, he had enjoyed it, he couldn’t deny it any longer. He also couldn’t blame it on the alcohol this time, since he had only drunk one glass of wine all day. He finally had to accept the bitter truth.

He was gay.

Combing through his messy hair with trembling fingers, Yuu tried to steady his breath. To say he was an emotional mess right now would be an understatement.

Takanori seemed to guess as much as well. “I won’t tell anyone,” he promised solemnly. “It’ll be our little secret.” He tried to give Yuu an encouraging smile, but it wavered as he took notice of his distraught face.

“I don’t know whether I can do this,” Yuu admitted, feeling completely and utterly lost. Admitting the truth to himself was hard enough, but the thought of telling anyone else was scaring him shitless.

Takanori snorted humorlessly. “If you’re the same Yuu Shiroyama that annihilated this pathetic bastard in court yesterday, then you can do anything,” he tried to reassure him, coaxing a dry laugh from Yuu at the memory of the pitiful creature that was Takato Akiyama, who had been reduced to a picture of misery at the end of the court hearing. “And one more thing,” Takanori added with a more serious tone. “You won’t ever have to hide who you are with me.”

Yuu couldn’t help but feel an odd sense of reassurance at these words; he was at a loss for words at the sudden change their bumpy relationship seemed to be undergoing. “Thanks,” he muttered, feeling exhaustion take over his body, and he blinked repeatedly to keep his eyes from closing. “Thanks for everything.”

“Don’t mention it,” Takanori replied, pulling his own blanket all the way up to his chin and yawning contently. “You can stay the night if you want,” he mumbled sleepily while closing his eyes, being soundly asleep only seconds later.

Being too exhausted to think cohesive thoughts anymore, Yuu gave in to his fatigue and followed suit only moments afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I was/am so anxious about posting this chap lol because it's officially the first time I've published some real smut... I hope it wasn't too bad or cringy lol~


	7. Chapter 7

Hearing the faint rush of the water from the shower, Takanori added a splash milk to his coffee, and stirred it, immersed in his thoughts.

Admittedly, those last few hours had been anything but predictable, even to him. He hadn’t expected for Yuu to cave in this early after their little encounter in his office; apparently, Takanori had laid the groundwork much more effectively than he had given himself credit for. Because not only had Yuu shown up unexpectedly on his doorstep the other night, but he had finally returned his advances. Although he had pictured the events leading up to another round of mind-blowing sex much differently, he surely wasn’t one to complain. And to be honest, he hadn’t minded helping Yuu along in his search for his true self.

Not in the slightest.

He had expected some resistance from the other, which was why he had been more than surprised to wake up next to him this morning. Yuu also hadn’t run away upon waking up this time, though he had blushed and stammered a lot when he had asked Takanori whether he could use his shower, looking utterly adorable with his disheveled hair and red cheeks.

Overall, the last few hours had gone by much more differently than expected.

Much better.

He had gotten laid with a ridiculously beautiful man, and said man had caused him much less trouble than he had anticipated the morning after. And most importantly, he hadn’t thought about that one person he always thought about no matter how much he forbid himself to go there in his mind. That one person who always wreaked havoc with his heart.

His dark thoughts got cut short as Yuu entered the living room, hair tucked away in a messy ponytail, and sheepishly approached the dining table at which Takanori was seated.

He took a sip of his coffee, returning Yuu’s look steadily. He had pondered about a particular thing the last few minutes while Yuu had taken his shower, though he hadn’t come up with a good way of addressing the topic yet. “You want some coffee?” he offered, nodding towards the coffee pot. “Or are you gonna run out on me again?”

He had meant it in a teasing manner, though he almost regretted the words as he watched Yuu become all flustered upon being called out like that. His cheeks turned red with embarrassment, and he cleared his throat to find his voice. “Uhm… if I’m not bothering you?” he asked hesitantly. 

Takanori rolled his eyes, lowered his cup onto the table and flashed him a somewhat reassuring smile. “If that were the case, I wouldn’t have offered. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I’m bothered.” He pushed the second cup over to the other side of the table as Yuu finally sat down opposite him. “Want some milk or sugar with that?” he asked, handing the coffee pot to Yuu, who poured himself a cup.

Yuu shook his head, carefully nipping on his coffee to keep from burning himself.

A short silence followed, in which Yuu got lost in thought all the while Takanori absent-mindedly fumbled with his phone, spinning it on the tabletop while he snuck clandestine looks at him.

“Sorry,” Yuu finally broke the silence, making Takanori look up at him in surprise. “Guess I was pretty rude, running out like that last time,” he laughed embarrassedly, thereby rubbing his neck with a humorless grin. All in all, he appeared much more collected than he had been the previous night. Moreover, he seemed to have arrived at the conclusion that running away didn't solve anything.

“It’s fine,” Takanori retorted with a shrug. “I probably would’ve freaked out as well if I had been in your shoes.” He remembered almost suffering a nervous breakdown when he had first realized that he was gay, after all. Granted, he had been much younger than Yuu now, and furthermore, everyone dealt with news like those differently in general.

“How are you?” he inquired cautiously, trying his best not to act like a bull in a china shop, though he normally wasn’t one to walk on egg-shells. But he knew how deceiving appearances could be; for all he knew, Yuu could be boiling beneath the surface, about to explode any second.

Though he usually wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” Yuu admitted. “I’m not gonna lie, it still freaks me out to think that I’m…” He puffed his cheeks out, which made him look like an adorable little child, before he took a deep breath. “To think that I’m… gay. But it also feels oddly liberating.” He tapped his nail against the porcelain, biting his lip as he did so. “Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Takanori nodded his head encouragingly. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He had gone through a similar process, trying to get a grip on all those whirling emotions and not lose his mind in the meantime. “It’s kinda freeing to admit the truth, and not feel like a part of yourself is hidden away anymore.”

Yuu flinched, choked on his coffee and started coughing violently. Gasping for air, he pressed his palm to his chest, massaging it lightly to calm his upset body. “I-I don’t think I’m there yet,” he panted, cheeks paling noticeably. “I mean, it’s one thing to admit the truth to myself, but it’s a whole other story to tell anyone.” He gritted his teeth, displaying a miserable sight with his head bowed like that, shoulders slouched as though the weight of the world rested on them. “I don’t think I can do that,” he whispered, a hint of sadness flashing in his eyes.

This hadn’t been Takanori’s intention.

He had meant to cheer Yuu up with his words, not tear him down again. _Good going there_ , he chided himself, mentally rolling his eyes at his poor choice of words. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he backtracked. “I didn’t mean you should just tell everyone now that you’ve realized the truth. I know that it takes time to get comfortable with one’s sexuality. Comfortable enough to tell anyone.” He stirred his coffee again thoughtfully. He had already met people who actually never really came to terms with it at all. The whole topic of sexual identity was far more complicated and delicate than it seemed at first glance. “I just meant to say that it’s liberating to not question yourself like that anymore.”

“Oh.”

Yuu rubbed his neck again awkwardly. Takanori noted that he often tended to do this when he was feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable in some way; it was an obvious tell, but a cute one at that.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Yuu murmured. Then, he glanced up from his coffee, and stared at Takanori. “Did you mean what you said last night? That this,” he made a vague gesture with his hand, indicating the both of them, “will stay between the two of us?”

“Of course I meant it,” he assured him of the authenticity of his words. “I wouldn’t lie or joke about something like that.” He took another sip of his cooling coffee. “I might be an asshole but I’m not that vile.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole,” Yuu protested.

Takanori rose his eyebrow at him, and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “You’re either really naïve or really stupid,” he teased him with an incredulous laugh. “Though I’m not quite sure which one yet.” Yuu wasn’t fooling anyone; he had teased and pestered him like crazy the previous weeks, no way in hell had that not made him furious at one point or the other.

Albeit, it had paid off in the end.

Yuu snorted. “Nice,” he corrected him with outstretched tongue, appearing like a child once more. “I think the word you’re looking for is nice. Or forgiving, whichever suits you better.”

“Fair enough.” Takanori never looked a gift horse in the mouth. He emptied his cup, sighing with relish; nothing compared to a nice morning coffee.

Except for a nice morning coffee following up a nice hot shower after having successfully gotten laid the previous night, maybe.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Yuu cleared his throat. “Uhm, say… I’ve been wondering about one thing.” He looked at Takanori sheepishly, waiting for his approval to continue.

He nodded silently, motioning for him to speak what was on his mind, but felt a slight uneasiness settle in his stomach. He had no clue what to expect next; in all his predictability, Yuu still managed to surprise him every now and then. Like he had when he had shown up at his front door last night.

“What exactly happened between us?”

Takanori blinked in confusion. “Huh?” he uttered puzzled. “You want me to explain the thing with the birds and the bees to you?”

“Of course not,” Yuu groaned, rubbing his forehead in annoyance. “I know what sex is, thank you very much,” he growled before his face shifted back into a serious expression again. “I mean, uhm… was it a one-night-stand?” He gnawed at his lip in contemplation. “Or more like a two-night-stand, to be precise.” He shrugged clueless. “I don’t know… I just thought maybe we should talk about this, since we’re, you know, practically colleagues now.”

Normally, Takanori would have simply shot down whoever wanted to talk about something as simple as casual sex, but this time around it actually kind of made sense to him, given they might spend the next weeks or months – or even years – working together.

And he had thought about his idea as well, had weighed the pros and cons thoroughly; maybe his proposal would enrage Yuu, or offend him or anything of that sort. Maybe it was simply too soon to present something like that to him, but Takanori didn’t really care for eventualities at this point anymore. Plus, Yuu had just given him too perfect an opportunity not to strike, to try and use it to his advantage.

“I’ve thought about this myself, actually,” Takanori dared to advance into deeper waters. He entwined his fingers, looking down at his hands in search of the best words to phrase his thoughts. “And while I agree that that between us has definitely been a one-“ he glanced at Yuu briefly, and decided to humor him, “two-night-stand, I thought that it might not have to stay like this,” he trailed off, a nervous fluttering in his stomach. He had only ever been in two relationships that could be considered long, so it was surprisingly difficult for him to suggest any kind of committed liaison properly.

Yuu opened his mouth to toss in his two cents, but Takanori raised his hand to silence him. “Please let me finish.”

He sighed in relief as Yuu closed his mouth again, and nodded instead. “I just thought that… we're obviously both attracted to each other. And we both seem to enjoy sex with no strings attached.” Which wasn’t entirely true, it was just the only way for Takanori to cope with his heartbreak at the moment. “And you apparently still need time to… uh, adjust to your new situation. And I’m not looking for a relationship either at the moment, so I figured why not, you know, come to some sort of agreement from which we both benefit,” he concluded, ready to punch himself for the fan-fucking-tastic work he did in advancing his proposal to Yuu, stuttering like a complete moron. Normally, he had no such problems getting out the words that were on his mind.

“Are you suggesting we become fuckbuddies?” Yuu commented dryly, his expression the emotionless mask of Yuu, the lawyer.

Takanori huffed. “Charming way of putting it.” He caught a stray strand of his blonde hair, and tucked it behind his ear. “But yeah, that’s what I’m suggesting. To have someone to… satisfy our needs every now and then.” His heart was ready to jump out of his chest by now, the nervousness crept through every inch of his body.

Maybe this had been a dumb idea, maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut for once, so he wouldn’t have to deal with yet another blow of humiliation.

The last one still clawed at his heart relentlessly, after all.

Something must have shown in his expression, for Yuu’s features softened as he gripped his cup tightly, swirling the coffee lightly. “Uhm, I’m still a bit, uhm… overwhelmed with the whole, uhm… gay-thing.” He blushed deeply, still struggling to use the word. “So I don’t really know what to say. But, I’ll, uhm, well...”

“Never mind,” Takanori interjected, slightly bummed out by Yuu’s reaction. Admittedly, he hadn’t expected the other to jump for joy, but it still hurt to be semi-rejected like that. At least he hadn’t brushed him off completely yet. “You can just think about it, or whatever.” He bit back the ‘I don’t care’ that was at the tip of his tongue, for it surely would have ruined any chance of Yuu seriously considering his proposal.

He really hoped he would consider it, since he was growing tired of sleeping around with stranger after stranger, and Yuu seemed nice enough to keep him company on some of his countless lonely nights.

Yuu’s response was cut off by the ringing of a phone, and it took Takanori a moment to realize that it was his phone blasting Sex Pistols at full volume. He glanced at the display, and immediately, his blood froze in his veins.

_Akira_

He stared at the screen for a second, unable to move a muscle.

Stared at it for another one.

And another one.

“Don’t you wanna get that?” he heard Yuu ask, though it felt like his voice was carried to him through a wall of fog, swallowing nearly all of the sounds.

The ringing stopped, only to pick up again after a few seconds. Every beat of his ringtone was like a punch to his guts; they took away his breath and tore his already heavily damaged and meagerly patched-up heart apart all over again.

“Oi, you alright? Takanori?”

“Please leave.”

His voice was nothing more than a mere whisper. He felt the tears press against the insides of his eyelids, and he blinked desperately in order to keep them from gushing out; he really didn’t need to fall apart in front of Yuu, and let him witness how truly pathetic and miserable he was feeling on the inside.

His phone stopped ringing, but an echoed buzzing remained in his ears, rendering him deaf to anything else Yuu had to say. He knew deep down that he should have acted all tough and put on a mask of indifference at the calls, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

The pain was simply too much to bear.

The front door shut quietly, leaving him in utter solitude as the tears started to stream down his cheeks.

* * *  
  
“Why hello there, stranger!”

Takanori smiled sheepishly, and entered the familiar hallway. Guilt flooded him as he hugged his mother tightly, breathing in her flowery scent that always managed to calm him down and make him feel secure.

Biting his lower lip in shame, he handed her a bouquet of her favorite flowers, feeling even more like the worst son ever as she took it, her face lighting up with joy. “I’m sorry,” he murmured shamefully. “I know I haven’t come by in ages.” He held back any further explanations, for they all seemed meaningless and ungrateful; his parents truly deserved better, especially his sweet and caring mother.

At least he still saw his father at work from time to time, but he had avoided to visit his parents’ house in weeks. He had avoided to go out for anything but work and his unhealthy coping mechanisms altogether ever since he had broken up with Akira. He had been feeling too low-spirited to do anything but waste away in his apartment unless he was getting smashed in some bar.

“Don’t worry about it.” His mother placed a tender kiss on his cheek, then gave him a once-over as though she hadn’t seen him in years. “How are you doing, honey?” She stroked his cheek, a worried look on her face.

He shrugged wearily, and avoided her piercing gaze by casting his eyes downward. He forced any upcoming tears back down; one emotional breakdown per day was more than enough. “Still breathing, I guess.” He knew that lying to his mother was futile because she could always tell when he was being dishonest with her, no matter how skillful he got at lying.

Plus, he really didn’t feel like faking it right now, not with her anyway.

And they both knew that it would still take more time for him to get over Akira, to get over his shattered future and rebuild his life from scratch. It still hurt like hell just to think about him, and Akira was all he could think about when he was cooped up in his apartment by himself, with no one there to distract him from his own self-destructive thoughts. What Akira had done to him continued to claw at him, rip his heart and soul apart over and over again, but still he missed him.

He missed him so fucking much that he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly.

He had become so dependent on Akira, had become so certain of their love, that he was barely able to function like a normal human being without him. He wasn’t even able to delete all their pictures and messages from his phone, or block Akira’s number for that matter.

Not even after everything he had done to him.

“I’m so sorry, dear.” She sounded as heartbroken as he felt, and he knew she had suffered a great deal from Akira’s betrayal as well. She, too, had loved him dearly – both of his parents had.

They had been horrified when they had learned the truth from Kouyou, all the while Takanori had been a sobbing mess on his best friend’s bed.

She straightened her back out, huffing while she did so. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable in the living room? I’ll get these into a vase and make us some tea. I baked some fruit cake this morning, you want a piece?” She glanced at her wristwatch, furrowing her brows as she pondered about something. “Your father left some important case-files at the office, but he should be home shortly as well. I tell you, he’d forget his head someday if it weren’t attached to his shoulders.”

He nodded, faintly smiling at the absent-mindedness of his father and the loving manner in which his mother scolded him. Takanori truly loved his mother. Not only for how caring she was but for how well she knew him, and how to lift up his spirits even just the slightest bit.

Now he felt even worse for having been M.I.A. for weeks, and an unquenchable need for more apologies overran him. “I’m so sorry for making you worry,” he murmured ashamedly.

She nudged his shoulder lovingly, then wandered off into the kitchen to get everything ready.

Takanori trotted into the living room, dropped down on the comfortable couch, where he grabbed one of the cushions and pressed it to his stomach.

Oh, how he wished this pillow could fill the hole inside of him.

Looking around the room, he spotted a photograph that depicted two teenagers who grinned widely, their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders amicably, both wearing dark-framed glasses. He felt his heart twitch at the sight of a younger version of himself and Kouyou, back when life had been a lot simpler, and all he had worried about were grades and pimples.

The sound of excited toddling on the parquet flooring of the hallway caught his attention, and he shifted on the couch as the sound became louder and faster as the pace quickened.

“Hey there, munchkin,” he greeted affectionately as the black ball of fur hurtled towards the couch, yelping and whining excitedly at the sight of Takanori. Laughing at the unconcealed joy of the animal, he bowed down to pick up his mother’s Chihuahua. He held him to his chest, and ruffled his short fur fondly. “I’ve missed you too, buddy,” he whispered, placing a tender kiss on the tiny head. The dog licked his cheek in response, happily barking at Takanori as he rubbed his small body against his chest to get even more cuddles.

“I haven’t seen Koron-chan this excited in weeks,” his mother chimed in, carrying a tray into the living room. “I think he was sad because you weren’t coming around to visit him.” She placed the tray on the coffee table, and set the table for them.

“I’m sorry, munchkin,” Takanori apologized to Koron as well, squeezing one of his little paws. Koron barked his indignation at him, before he cocked his ears and turned his head toward the entrance of the living room.

The front door fell shut and Takanori heard his father sigh. “I’m home!” he called into the empty hallway.

“At least he’s dead on time,” his mother chuckled softly, removing the tray from the table and shaking her head.

“What did you say?” her husband inquired upon entering the living room. “Oh, Taka, I didn’t know you were coming by!” he exclaimed delighted while loosening his tie.

Takanori watched his mother walk up to his father, placing a hand on his chest. “Nothing,” she responded to his first remark, and kissed him on the cheek. “Welcome home, love.”

Seeing them gaze at each other caringly caused a painful sting in his heart. He was happy that his parents were still together, and faced all of their hardships unitedly. But he couldn’t keep the feeling of envy from taking root deep inside of him as he got painfully reminded that he would never have this kind of life with Akira.

Or anyone else, it seemed.

And that thought hurt more than he could ever put into words.

His parents sat down at the coffee table as well, and Takanori laid Koron on the cushion next to him, where the dog curled up against his leg, knowing to behave himself during teatime and not cause a fuss. He stroked Koron’s head with his fingertips, forcing down his dark thoughts resolutely; he was here to distract himself from his heartache and spend some time with his parents, and not wallow in self-pity again.

It had taken him over twenty minutes to calm down after his breakdown this morning, and he was still exhausted from all the whirling emotions and excruciating memories that had wrecked him once more like a hurricane would do to a house.

They started having teatime, and Takanori tried his best to pay attention to his parents’ casual conversation, all the while he picked at his cake and ate it in such a slow manner that it attracted his parents’ attention, earning him concerned looks from both.

They were too sensitive to touch on the topic and ask him about it, though, for they knew the pain he had endured all too well, having experienced one of his breakdowns firsthand. He had begged them to give him time and space to heal, and they honored his wishes, no matter how worried he got them.

He knew this, and yet he still couldn’t keep them from worrying about his dumbass, which just made him feel even more like a worthless piece of garbage.

When he couldn’t take the sad sight of his son anymore, Hiroto Matsumoto cleared his throat. “So, how’s working at the Shiroyamas’ law firm going so far?” he asked tentatively, trying to actively involve him in their conversation and distract Takanori from his gloomy thoughts.

“Hm?” Takanori lifted his head, questioningly looking between his parents. “Shiroyamas’?” he repeated in confusion before his father’s words fell into place in his mind. “Oh. Uhm, it’s alright, I guess.” He shrugged, then put down his unfinished plate with cake, much to his mother’s unvoiced disapproval; he wasn’t really feeling hungry. He pretended like he didn’t notice her concerned look, swallowing down more of his guilt. “Most of the people who work there seem nice and competent,” he elaborated. “Though I’m not too sure about that Shiroyama-guy, to be honest.” The way Eijirou Shiroyama treated his son greatly displeased him, and he felt no pangs of remorse telling his father so, even if it ultimately jeopardized the merge.

“President Shiroyama’s son?” his father frowned, taking a sip of his green tea.

“Uh-uh,” Takanori negated, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yuu’s alright. Well, more than alright, I guess. He’s actually a great lawyer, and he’s very diligent and thorough.”

Again, he chose to ignore his parents’ looks, this time surprised as they heard him refer to Yuu by his first name, but Takanori didn’t really care. Granted, he would most certainly refrain from telling them about him fooling and sleeping around with Yuu, but other than that, he did not really concern himself with trivialities such as first-name-bases. He never had, and he sure as hell wouldn’t start now.

“I’m talking about Shiroyama senior.” He tapped his index finger against his arm, letting his deprecation show openly on his face. “His intentions seem a bit shady sometimes, from what I’ve gathered. And he treats his son with such disrespect, it’s kinda sickening.”

Takanori ran his fingers across Koron’s fur, who had fallen asleep pressed to his thigh, and was snoring soundly. “But I haven’t dealt with him in person much so far, so who knows. I just think he’s seriously lacking in basic human decency. Though he seems to be an exceptional lawyer and businessman,” he concluded, playing with Koron’s ear, which twitched as he tickled it lightly.

His father hummed, palms pressed against each other, fingertips at his lips. “I see,” he mumbled, already deep in thought.

His mother uttered a defeated sigh; she knew as well as Takanori that his father had retreated to the business-part of his brain, and wouldn’t be responsive for a while.

She got up from her armchair, and started to clear the table. Takanori rose as well to help her with her task, which gained him a grateful smile from her. “Thanks, dear,” she said as he took the tray from her, caressing his cheek in a motherly gesture. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“Sure,” he accepted her invitation, feeling an odd sense of relief at the thought that he wouldn’t have to have dinner in his apartment all by himself, no matter how sparse his appetite was.

Anything was better than being completely alone and stuck with nothing more than haunting memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, not too much happening in this chap, but I hope it wasn't too boring~ Also, I can't thank everyone enough for reading, liking and commenting on this story. You guys are incredible, and you make me extremely happy!
> 
> Also, next week's chap will probably be up on Thursday already since I'm away again over the weekend.
> 
> xoxo


	8. Chapter 8

_Please leave._

Like a broken record, the words kept replaying in Yuu’s mind, continuously accompanied by the heart-wrenching sight of Takanori who desperately fought back tears, falling deaf to anything he said to him. And although it hadn’t been the first time that Yuu had witnessed this gloomy state of his, it had still tugged at his heartstrings to see the smaller man in so much pain, barely able to contain it.

He had felt helpless in that moment in Takanori’s living room, where he had been incapable of reaching him. And ever since he had gotten the very first glimpse of his sadness, Yuu had been wondering what kind of painful demons Takanori carried around with him. Though now he was finally able to put a name to them.

Akira.

He hadn’t meant to pry, and stick his nose in other people’s business, but he had been unable to stop himself as Takanori hadn’t made a move to get the call. When instead, he had stared at his phone as though it had just imposed the death penalty on him. Curiosity had gotten the better of him, tempting him into reading the name displayed on the screen. The obvious assumption was, of course, that Akira was some kind of ex-boyfriend or some other reminder of a painful event in Takanori’s past. But that still left the questions about what exactly had happened, and even though Yuu knew that this was none of his business, he couldn’t help but wonder.

“Oi, earth to Yuu? Somebody home?!”

Yuu started as a pair of fingers began to snap in front of his face in an attempt to catch his attention. He blinked, realizing that he hadn’t moved his hand an inch ever since he had gotten caught up in his thoughts. Now, it was frozen in midair, having taken ahold of a French fry.

He glanced at Yutaka, who sat opposite him, a concerned look on his face, and finally lifted his hand to put the fry into his mouth. “Sorry what?” he mumbled after he had swallowed, grabbing another one of his fries and dipping it into the ketchup.

“I asked you what you thought of the movie.” Yutaka rolled his eyes in disbelief, snatched one of Yuu’s fries and grimaced as he chewed it. “Eww. I can’t believe I let you drag me into this abhorrent place that has the audacity to call itself ‘restaurant’. And now you’re even making me eat lukewarm French fries.” Yutaka shook his body in disgust, before snatching another one of Yuu’s fries, sullenly glancing around the well-filled McDonald’s. “What were you spacing out about just now?”

His words brought Yuu back into the present; the whole Sunday had felt like a haze to him, he still hadn’t processed half of the things that had transpired the previous hours. He hadn’t even paid much attention to the movie they had watched, or most of what Yutaka had said to him before and after.

His mind had endlessly wandered around all things Takanori.

Takanori’s proposal he didn’t know what to make of, and whether to be flattered or offended by it. His warm and sweaty body, joined together with his own, doing unspeakable but oh so pleasant things. And last but not least, Takanori’s pained expression that had clawed at his heart and mind, refusing to let go of him even now. “Just, uhm, work,” Yuu tried to dodge the question.

Yutaka grunted in disapproval. “Work? What about it?” Of course he wouldn’t let Yuu off the hook that easily.

“This and that,” Yuu hemmed and hawed, evading Yutaka’s prying gaze by taking a sip of his coke. “Oh, and by the way, I didn’t make you do or eat anything, you agreed to stop by here,” he tried to change the topic. Since it had gotten considerably late after the movie had ended, they hadn’t been left with much of a choice concerning the establishments for their late dinner.

As a response, Yutaka snitched some more of Yuu’s fries, having finished his own meal already. “Nice try,” he commented dryly. “Come on, stop beating around the bush. Something’s up, it’s written all over your face. You know I can read you like an open book, you can’t hide anything from me.”

 _Yeah, except for my sexuality,_ Yuu thought bitterly, before shaking off those unjust thoughts; after all, none of this was Yutaka’s fault. It had been bad enough that he had blamed Takanori for all his – initially – unwanted feelings and desires, too much of a coward to own up to the truth. Now that he was slowly trying to come to terms with reality, the guilt weighed him down immensely. Of course, Takanori had been relentless in his teasing and harassment, and more than once it had driven Yuu almost past the breaking point, but he hadn’t been the most decent person either, especially at the beginning of their acquaintance.

When push had come to shove, however, Takanori had agreed to help him in his soul-searching, even though he initially didn’t have anything to gain from it, and had even sworn to secrecy about it. So instead of resentment, all Yuu held for Takanori was a whole lot of gratitude.

None of Yuu’s inner turmoil had been truly his fault, and neither was it Yutaka’s.

“It’s nothing, really,” he tried to gloss over his thoughts with a wave of his hand. “I’m just having a hard time figuring out the son of President Matsumoto, is all, you know?” Yuu shrugged nonchalantly, deciding to reveal part of the truth in order to satisfy Yutaka’s curiosity. “He’s like, uhm... really cheeky and over-confident one second, and the next one he looks as though… I don’t know, as though he just attended a funeral.” He rubbed his neck with his hand, fully aware of the thin ice he was treading on. If he wasn’t careful of what he told Yutaka, his friend might have started asking more questions. Questions that would be even more uncomfortable to answer, and almost impossible to dodge.

Even to himself, it seemed unusual to worry about something like that, to think about another person that intensely he had no business thinking about this much. Whether he had slept with them or not.

Yutaka seemed to be of a similar opinion, for he narrowed his eyes skeptically, scrutinizing Yuu. “Everyone’s got their issues, I guess,” he retorted. “What’s it matter to you whether you can figure him out or not?”

Yuu shoved the last fry into his mouth, and chewed on it deliberately slow to delay his reply. He picked up one of the clean napkins, and cleaned the salt off his fingers. He should have expected Yutaka to pick up on his pondering, which was so extremely untypical of him.

Sure, he often got lost in his thoughts, but those mostly revolved around himself and his issues, or anything concerning his family, and not people he barely knew. Yet, he still couldn’t stop the carousel named Takanori from spinning in his head. “I don’t know… I’ve just been, uhm, spending a lot of time with him,” Yuu admitted, feeling his heart begin to race at the risky choice of words. “At work, I mean,” he was fast to add. “So I just wanna know what I’m dealing with, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Yutaka grunted, anything but convinced by Yuu’s words. “And you’re sure that’s all?” he continued his line of interrogation, making Yuu feel more and more like a convicted felon, who now stood trial before a merciless judge. Was that how people felt when he picked them apart piece by piece in court?

How truly unpleasant.

Memories of sweaty bodies entered his mind, causing his blood to rush in his ears, heating up his cheeks. No way in hell could he tell Yutaka about all the juicy details. What would his best friend think of him? How would he react if he knew that Yuu wasn’t only attracted to men (one man in particular), but had also slept with one – repeatedly?

He lowered his gaze to avoid those piercing eyes, and in his nervousness, his fingers started to pick at the napkin, tearing the fabric into shreds. “Yeah, that’s all.”

He felt Yutaka’s piercing look, which caused his cheeks to flare up in embarrassment. Why had he opened his mouth in the first place? He should have just come up with something else, or kept quiet altogether. Yutaka was like a shark that had gotten its first taste of blood, and was now in relentless pursuit; he wouldn’t let go of his prey until he had satiated his hunger.

“Ohhhh, I see!”

From the corner of his eye, Yuu saw Yutaka’s eyes widen in realization as a knowing smirk appeared on his face. Like a little child that had just been offered a bag of sweets, he started bouncing up and down in his seat. “It’s a woman, isn’t it?”

Yuu’s blood ran cold. “What?” His voice was but a mere whisper as he lifted his head to look at Yutaka in horror.

“You met a woman and now you’re too shy to talk about it!” Yutaka winked at him conspiratorially.

Shaking his head with force, Yuu groaned. How had he gotten himself into this mess? Why hadn’t he just stayed at home alone? Why couldn’t he just stay the fuck at home instead of ruining his life in whatever dumb ways he could come up with? “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he tried to deny weakly. More blood rushed into his cheeks, and he wanted to slap his own face for betraying him like that.

Yutaka just giggled at his words. “Oh my God, you’re blushing! You’re so seeing a woman! What’s her name? Is she pretty? I bet she’s pretty! Not as pretty as you, though, of course,” he chuckled, making Yuu want to crawl into a pit and die at his inquiries.

Admittedly, Takanori was very pretty – not that he could tell Yutaka any of that.

“Ahh, this is even better than that stupid movie!” Yutaka clapped his hands together in joy. “Where did you meet her? Does she work at your father’s firm as well? Is that how you guys met? An office romance?”

“Ugh, will you stop?” Yuu hissed, finding himself at a loss for words. He had never experienced his friend this excited before, and at the same time, he had never felt this scared either. Scared of being found out. Scared of being rejected. “I’m not seeing anyone! And I’m not looking for a relationship, either,” he denied, sighing at the sight of Yutaka’s stubborn pout. “There’s no woman in my life, okay? So hush.”

Yutaka raised his hands as if to show defeat, his big grin, however, made Yuu expect the worst. “My bad,” Yutaka laughed almost apologetically. “I see, I see.

“It’s not a woman, but a man, is it?”

All of the color drained from Yuu’s face in an instant, and panic seeped through every inch of his body as he froze completely, unable to utter a single word. It felt like a noose was being tied around his throat, getting tightened more and more around his neck until he was no longer able to breathe properly. Fear clutched his heart, holding it in a vise-like grip, about to crush it to pieces. Nausea spread in his stomach; the same nausea that had gripped him earlier that day in Takanori’s apartment upon the mere thought of revealing his sexuality to anyone else.

Was it really that obvious, not only to Takanori but to Yutaka as well?

What was he supposed to do now?

“Geez, you look like you’re about to throw up.” Yutaka furrowed his brows, gnawing at his lower lip in guilt. “I was just joking. It was a dumb joke, okay? Relax, bro. I was just trying to mess with you.” He rubbed the back of his head with a sigh. “Didn’t think you were that sensitive.”

“Oh shut up,” Yuu mumbled, embarrassed at his panic and his inability to see through Yutaka’s joke. He rose from the padded bench, and lifted his tray from the table. “It’s because your jokes are lame as fuck,” he snorted before he stuck out his tongue to him, heart still beating at immense speed. “Thank Goodness, you’re a better cook than you are a comedian, or so God help us all.” He grinned at him, trying his best to not let the raging panic inside of him show that only died down ever so slowly. He knew that he had dodged a gigantic bullet, and he wanted to do nothing more than drive home and seclude himself from the outside world, so he wouldn’t be tempted into slipping up and giving himself away at the next best opportunity. It was high time that he worked on his poker face; maybe Takanori could show him the ropes. Even though his own poker face seemed to be crumbling here and there as well.

Yutaka stood too, regarding Yuu with a mocked expression of hurt feelings. “I’m hilarious, thank you very much. You’re just unfunny. Unfunny and mean. You’re a meanie.”

Yuu rolled his eyes at his friend’s childish antics, but this time his smile was genuine. “Whatever, Mr. Stand-Up Comedian. Please lose my invitation for your debut performance.”

He took a step aside to avoid the jab of Yutaka’s elbow aimed at his ribs. “Let’s just get going. I don’t want to spend all night here listening to more of your so-called jokes.” With that, he started heading for the nearest crockery trolley.

“Tse. You’re delusional if you think I’d ever invite a lowbrow like you to my comedic shows.” Yutaka tagged along after him, carrying his own tray. “A stone has more sense of humor than you do.”

Yuu huffed, but remained silent at Yutaka’s last attempt to tease him. He was more than ready to drop the whole topic altogether, and never think about his semi-heart attack again.  
  
* * *  
  
Come Wednesday, Yuu was ready to bash his head against a wall until the insides of his brain splattered all across the floor.

Not enough that work was a real pain in the ass, no, in addition to that, his mind just wouldn’t shut up about his intercourse with Takanori; and the proposal he had dropped on him the morning after. Relentlessly, his thoughts kept circling around their night together, making it hard for him to concentrate on work. The memories caused all kinds of feelings to stir inside of him, and leave him restless; his body was craving more and more of those arousing sensations.

Takanori’s offer just added to that, leaving him both anxious and frustrated at the same time. It didn’t even matter that they hadn’t seen each other much at work the last three days, for Takanori was constantly ghosting through his mind. And Yuu didn’t know whether he should agree to his proposal or not; part of him desperately wanted to, but part of him was still hesitant to face his sexuality head on.

Not that he should be worrying about any of this right now, as he was headed for his father’s office, who had left him a message on the answering machine of his office telephone, summoning him into his office to ‘speak’ to him. The manner in which he had left this short message, however, notified Yuu in advance of what kind of speaking they would amount to once he got there.

He tried his best to steel his nerves in view of what was about to hit him (even though he truly couldn’t say what exactly he had done this time to piss his father off) as his feet carried him down the hallway. He just hoped that he could go home after his father was done yelling at him for whatever reason, and not have him dump another last-minute case on his head again. God knew Yuu would throw himself off the roof if he had to work all through the night again.

He hadn’t slept well since…

… since Saturday night, if he was being honest with himself. Getting all his pent-up sexual frustrations out of his system in a way that taking care of them himself wasn’t able to do had truly helped put his body at ease, at least for a little while. Which was another ingredient added to the mix of his muddled emotions slowly driving him crazy. He couldn’t deny the fact that pleasuring himself paled noteworthy in comparison to real, passionate sex; his latest _actions_ the previous night had gleefully reminded him of that circumstance once more, in a way leaving him more frustrated and dissatisfied than before.

He pushed those thoughts aside as he reached the door of his father’s office, and he took a deep breath to steady himself before he knocked on the door. Thanks to a lot of caffeine, his body was in acceptable working condition. His mind, however, was beyond exhausted, and far from pleased at the thought of getting into another argument with his father.

“You wanted to talk to me?” Yuu asked upon entering the office, feeling his heart sink to his stomach as he was met with the angered expression on his father’s face. Instant regret flooded him. He should have appreciated the little peace of mind he had gotten the last two days when his father had been absent from the firm due to some urgent business, instead of complaining about having to deal with all of the additional responsibilities as the next person in command. Now he wished for nothing more than for his father to be away for two more days.

Or weeks.

His father rose from his seat, a loud thud echoed through the room as he dumped a file he had been holding onto the tabletop, making Yuu flinch. “I heard about the Akiyama case,” he said, his voice dripping with venom.

Yuu furrowed his brows in confusion. The case had gone swimmingly, thanks to Takanori’s much needed help, but surely his father wouldn’t pull this kind of face if he was planning on praising him. Not that he ever did that sort of thing in the first place. “What of it?” he inquired warily. “Our client has been cleared of all charges, and Akiyama will stand trial next month for the embezzlement of company funds.”

The palm of his father’s hand hit the tabletop with such force that the whole desk vibrated upon impact. “That’s not what I’m talking about!” he bawled at Yuu. “I think it’s needless to say that I would have thrown you out of my firm immediately if you had screwed up something as _simple_ as that.”

His father’s words hit him like a slap across the face; even though he was used to them by now, it still hurt him deeply anytime he got belittled by him like that. “Then I don’t understand what’s wrong,” he whispered, clenching his hands to fists to restrain his urge to beat something in – preferably his father’s face.

“Oh, you don’t understand what’s wrong?” his father mimicked him, a sneer displayed on his face. He rounded the table and got closer to Yuu, who wished he could retreat a few steps to get away from him; if only that didn’t make him look weak and pathetic. “Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong, so even a _dimwit_ like you will understand _what’s fucking wrong_!” His insults were further stabs at Yuu’s heart, causing him to bite down on his tongue until it hurt. “Yoshida told me you suggested Matsumoto as second chair?!”

He blinked questioningly, still not grasping what his father was going on about. “Yeah, I did?” he murmured perplexed, not making any sense of his father’s heated reaction. “I thought it was appropriate since he helped me with the research. But he refused, so Yoshida took over as second chair,” he tried to explain his reasoning.

“See, even that little _faggot_ gets it!” his father exclaimed in a fit of rage. “So why don’t you?!”

If he had felt like someone had slapped him before, then he had just been hit by a truck.

Faggot.

Like a drill, the insult bored his head, leaving a gaping hole in his mind, and caused his brain to short-circuit. Resentment and disgust filled him, climbing up his throat like bile. “What’s your _fucking problem_?!” he started to yell back, his head throbbing with a stinging pain and nausea churning his stomach.

His father punched the back of the black leather couch with his fist. “You wanna know what my problem is?! That you think you can decide shit like that over my head!” he roared. “I specifically told _you_ to take care of that case! I don’t remember giving you permission to involve anyone else! Especially not some _wannabe-lawyer_ who rather plays dress-up instead of taking this work seriously like a _normal_ person!”

Yuu was about to jump at his father’s throat. “Well maybe if you had given me that case earlier than the night before the hearing, I would’ve managed to do it on my own!” he shouted. “And if you didn’t conveniently have every single one of our paralegals be occupied with some random, unnecessary _crap_ , then I could’ve asked them for assistance instead of _some wannabe-lawyer_ who, by the way, voluntarily helped me a great deal with this case, whether you like it or not!”

“Oh, so maybe I should just let him handle all of your future cases then, is that what you’re trying to say?!” his father retorted before uttering an angry snort. “If you’re even incapable of handling the simplest tasks on your own.”

At a loss for words, Yuu shook his head. Getting all that disappointment and wrath slammed into his face like that hurt like hell. It hurt more than he liked to admit, and even after years of the same bullshit, he still didn’t understand. Still couldn’t understand what made his father hate him this much that he continued to belittle him every chance he got.

He also didn’t understand why he hadn’t thrown in the towel yet, but continued to let him treat him like shit. Maybe he was just a big fucking coward in all aspects of his life. “Do whatever the fuck you want!” Yuu hissed. “ _I’m done here_.”

He didn’t care for the words his father shouted at him as he turned his back and left the office, making sure to slam the door loudly as he did so. He wouldn’t listen to these words any longer, he had heard more than enough for today. He was hurt. Hurt and extremely pissed off that instead of being proud for once, all his father had done was yell at him again, and find reasons to criticize him.

“ _Fucking asshole!_ ” he blurted out as soon as he shut the door to his office behind him; his whole body was trembling with rage. He felt like he would combust if he didn’t find a punching bag soon.

“Rough day?” an amused voice yanked him out of his own thoughts and startled him so much that he let out a shocked yelp.

He pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart race like crazy beneath the thin fabric of his white shirt. “Shit, you scared me!” he whispered, not having noticed Takanori upon his arrival at his own office.

Takanori shrugged apologetically, and resumed his task of picking up his bag and swinging it over his shoulder. “Sorry, didn’t mean to.” He tilted his head, a thoughtful glimmer in his eyes. “Your old man give you a hard time again?” he guessed.

An angry growl left Yuu’s throat. “I swear to God, he’s lost his fucking mind. No matter what I do, it’s always wrong. I just can’t win with him. I don’t even know why I still keep trying.” He rolled his eyes in annoyance. He was long past trying to win with his father, which didn’t make things any easier, though. It just tugged at Yuu’s nerves and completely drained him of his energy, as well as any emotions besides a deep, seeping anger that ate away at him from the inside.

He needed an outlet if he didn’t want to explode.

“Your father seriously needs a reality check,” Takanori agreed, before clicking his tongue in disapproval. “He’s one nasty fella.”

Yuu grunted approvingly. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

The insult his father had bestowed upon Takanori crossed his mind again, and Yuu felt his anger and disgust well up inside of him once more. He looked Takanori over, realizing that he hadn’t seen the other all day. Thirstily, he took in the sight of the gorgeous blonde before him. He was wearing a dark red suit today, supplemented by a black, low-cut shirt that revealed a great deal of his delicious chest. It filled Yuu up with the strong desire to grab him by the waist, pull him closely against his own body and trace the visible lines of light skin with his tongue.

Takanori looked absolutely ravishing.

Yuu shuddered, as desirous shivers ran down his spine, and he blushed as he realized that he had been staring at him for the better part of a minute.

Takanori stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and his fingertips stroked Yuu’s chest longingly while he licked his own lower lip. “I’m heading home now,” he breathed meaningfully, before he dropped his hand and walked past Yuu, brushing their hands together on purpose, thus provoking another wave of shivers with his touches.

Hesitating, Yuu turned his head to glance over his shoulder. A slight panic flooded him as he saw that the blonde had almost reached the door, and he knew that he only had seconds to make up his mind about how he wanted to spend the night. He still felt the anger burn inside of him, but other, much more primal feelings were taking over his body, filling him with an almost insatiable want.

He craved Takanori with every fiber of his being, there was no use denying it to himself anymore.

“Wait!” he exclaimed, causing Takanori to halt, hand placed on the door handle, and regard him curiously. He scurried over to his desk to grab his belongings, and stuffed them all into his briefcase, before he grabbed the jacket from the backrest of his chair. “I’m coming with.”

Takanori smiled at him smugly.


	9. Chapter 9

The whole way from the parking lot to the elevator, neither had spoken a word.

Yuu had even avoided to look at Takanori, too embarrassed to return his occasional glances he felt during the elevator ride. He still couldn’t believe that he was here again – willingly, ready to take the other up on his offer. But mixed emotions were incessantly boiling deep within Yuu like lava in the abyssal crater of a volcano about to erupt, alternating between rage and lust nonstop.

He still felt like punching something, his thoughts were circling relentlessly around the altercation he had had with his father, and fucking his brains out until he couldn’t think straight anymore seemed like the only acceptable alternative.

At least if he didn’t want to lose his mind entirely and end up in the looney bin.

And was agreeing to Takanori’s proposal really such a bad thing? After all, they both wanted it, and it surely would only get more awkward if Yuu tried to find someone else to have meaningless sex with; he had only acknowledged his own homosexuality a short while ago, and had zero clue how to go about finding men like himself.

Not that he cared much for sleeping with anyone besides Takanori.

And between Takanori and his own hand, the choice was fairly obvious.

He followed him quietly out of the elevator and to Takanori’s front door, all the while trying his hardest not to stare at his backside, and failing miserably. Oh God, how much he longed for that body, and how badly he wanted to rip those clothes off of him; no matter how hot he looked in that deep red suit and that tantalizing, low-cut shirt that drove Yuu mad with want as soon as he so much as thought about it.

His heart beat fast as the door fell shut behind them, and Takanori turned around to face Yuu, the same smug smile on his lips that he had given him in his office only half an hour ago.

“So,” he whispered, stepping closer to Yuu and running his fingers along the line of buttons of his shirt, “here we are.” He caught a strand of his hair, wrapped it around his index finger and tugged on it until Yuu leaned forward to keep the tugging from getting painful, ultimately bringing their faces closer together until he felt Takanori’s breath on his skin, sending warm shivers down his spine. “Tell me,” Takanori breathed, the tip of their noses brushing against each other, “what is it that you want?”

His husky voice was teasing, and it gave Yuu the most pleasant goosebumps. However, he wasn’t in the mood for games today, and all he wanted that low, sexy voice to do was moan as loudly as possible while he thrusted into Takanori. “You know damn well what I want,” he hissed, his eyes taking in the delicious sight that was Takanori. Though he blushed as usual, the shame evaporated like steam as he noticed the lustful glimmer in the other’s eyes, and it encouraged him to wrap an arm around his waist and pull him against his own body.

He switched off his brain, and crashed his lips against Takanori’s, making him gasp in delighted surprise at his proactive behavior.

Takanori wasted no time in kissing him back, entangling his fingers with his hair, pulling their faces closer. Yuu felt a wave of lust and satisfaction wash over him as he took in the intoxicating taste of these luscious lips once more that he had craved more than he had been aware of. He felt the blood rush through his body, cumulating in lower regions, making his dick swell promptly. It didn’t matter that he had slept with Takanori only days before, or that he had pleasured himself the previous night, for his whole being was lusting after him ceaselessly, always craving more and never getting enough of him.

A moan escaped Takanori’s mouth as Yuu’s growing erection pressed against his body, and Yuu seized the opportunity to slide his tongue across his lips, frantically searching for the other’s sinful tongue that continuously drove him crazy, bringing them together in a heated play. Roughly, he moved his lips against Takanori’s, not caring for his anger that was plainly tangible in their kiss.

The fingers of his right hand found their way under Takanori’s jacket, and dug into the flesh of his hip only shielded from the firm grip through the thin fabric of his black shirt, all the while his left arm still lay around his waist, holding Takanori in place. Yuu pushed him backward until his back collided with the wall, causing Takanori to break their kiss. He groaned painfully, his fingers let go of Yuu’s hair and gripped his shirt instead to keep his balance. “Someone’s eager tonight,” he giggled teasingly, no indication of disapproval towards Yuu’s rough treatment evident in his voice.

“How about you stop talking for once?” Yuu grunted, vexed about the interruption of their passionate kiss. He was hell-bent on taking the lead tonight, and be the one to make Takanori writhe and beg for more until he couldn’t take any more. He sunk his fingers into the blonde strands, pulled Takanori’s head back, and brought his lips to his left ear. “I’d much rather hear you moan.” With that, he lowered his head, and pressed his lips against the sensitive skin on Takanori’s nape, feeling the other’s hardening cock squeeze against his leg. “Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s eager,” he breathed, before he started nibbling at the pale, soft skin, which made Takanori shiver with pleasure.

He lifted his knee and rubbed it against Takanori’s hard-on, coaxing a stifled moan from his throat. He couldn’t deny how good the touch of Takanori’s hardening cock against his own body felt, and the knowledge that his touches alone were what made the other hard and aroused spurred him on even more.

Pulling Takanori with him, he stepped back a few inches from the wall in order to be able to pull his head back even further, and he felt his own cock twitch with desire as he finally got to live out his earlier fantasy. He replaced his teeth with his tongue, pushing aside the necklaces Takanori was wearing with his fingers, and thirstily licked across his chest, tracing the outline of the shirt with his tongue, leaving a wet trail on Takanori’s skin.

He could feel him bite back a moan, and grunted angrily against his skin. If he wanted to act like a defiant brat, then Yuu would make sure to fuck him even harder eventually.

His fingers trembled in a slight nervousness as he hastily began to undo the buttons on Takanori’s shirt, exposing more of his torso; however, he refused to grant neither Takanori nor his own nervousness any room to breathe, and continued to slide his tongue across the other’s chest, making his way to one of his nipples. His tongue circled the bud, and when Takanori stifled another moan, he bit down on it, at the same time seizing the other nipple with his fingers to dig his fingernail into it.

“Oh fuck!” Takanori exclaimed, his body shivering with lust, and when Yuu caressed his irritated buds tenderly with the tip of his finger and tongue respectively, he finally complied and let out an unrestrained moan, causing Yuu’s erection to throb in a thrill of anticipation. His tongue wandered across Takanori’s chest to the other nipple, and licked it as well, which lead to Takanori roughly yanking at his shirt while simultaneously sighing with pleasure. “Fuck!” he breathed, his breath going erratically. “I didn’t know you were that skilled with your mouth!”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Yuu murmured against his skin, his hunger still not satiated. He licked his way up Takanori’s chest again and started to distribute longing kisses on his neck, occasionally grazing the tender skin with his teeth. No matter how much he kissed and licked and bit, he couldn’t get enough of Takanori’s skin, or his fingers which clumsily unbuttoned his shirt, repeatedly coming to a halt when Yuu touched another particularly sensitive part of his neck.

“God, you’re so delicious,” Yuu whispered against his skin, his cheeks flaring up with more heat. Being with another person had never felt this good, this arousing and intoxicating.

In response, Takanori greedily slid his hands across Yuu’s chest, making his way to his shoulders and shoving aside the shirt in the process. Their lips united in another passionate kiss, their tongues brushed against each other teasingly, now both fighting for dominance over the other.

Yuu shrugged off his shirt, helping Takanori undress him, before he tugged at Takanori’s jacket, urging him to remove it along with the black shirt. Greedily, their hands roamed each other’s upper body; wherever the other’s fingers touched his naked skin, Yuu felt a hot trail linger.

They stumbled through the hallway, still kissing and biting at each other, and into the bedroom, which was covered in complete darkness safe for the faint gleam of light emitted by the overcast moon outside.

Yuu’s fingers brushed against the waistband of Takanori’s pants, and he hesitated anxiously, gasping into their kiss. Takanori felt his hesitancy, and an annoyed grunt left his throat. “What the fuck are you waiting for?” He bit down on Yuu’s lower lip, took his hand and rubbed it against his hard cock.

Yuu let out a quiet moan, a new rush of ecstasy flooding him as he felt the evidence of how he made Takanori feel press against the palm of his hand. Encouraged, he loosened the belt with nervously shaking hands, opened the pants and stripped Takanori of them along with his boxers. Like the last time, Takanori guided his hand to his cock, and pushing away the last bits of doubt and hesitancy, Yuu wrapped his fingers around the erection, stroking it lightly.

“You see how fucking hard you make me?” Takanori uttered, followed by another moan.

He stroked his cock again, more firmly this time, coaxing another moan from him.

Reluctantly, he let go of Takanori’s erection, and pushed him onto the mattress. Then, he quickly took off his own pants, which were getting far too tight around his own hard-on. He was grateful for the darkness in the room which covered up his face that burned with embarrassment as he stood naked in front of Takanori; no matter the fact that the other had already seen him naked. Yuu had always found himself to be considerably attractive, however, the thought of Takanori seeing him completely naked somehow filled him with a weird self-consciousness.

He heard Takanori rummage through a drawer, and soon after, a bottle and a pack of condoms were shoved into his hands. “You do it this time,” he demanded in a raspy voice, and in the dimly lit room, he could see his silhouette turn around until he was on all fours. Yuu’s cock twitched at the sight of Takanori’s behind, as well as the thought of penetrating it, not only with his fingers, but soon with his throbbing dick.

He hastily slicked up his fingers, and pushed the first digit inside of Takanori’s hot entrance, feeling him wince at the intrusion. Slowly, Yuu moved his finger, listening for the faint gasps that escaped the other’s mouth.

“More,” Takanori ordered shortly afterward, and Yuu obeyed. Fantasizing about how incredible it would feel to finally fuck him, he thrust his fingers in faster and deeper, scissored them, pulled them out completely only to push them back in seconds later.

Takanori started panting heavily as Yuu added a third finger, and he threw his head back in a loud moan when his fingers touched his prostate. “Oh God,” he whined in pleasure, the muscles constricting around Yuu’s fingers. “Hurry up and fuck me already!”

Licking his lips in anticipation, Yuu removed his fingers, ripped open the pack of condoms with the help of his teeth, and rolled the condom over his hard-on. He slicked his cock up as well, and brought the tip to Takanori’s entrance, who groaned impatiently. Cautiously, he pushed inside, feeling Takanori’s body stiffen upon the intrusion. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he gasped, slowly pushing in further while he grabbed a hold of Takanori’s hips to support him and hold him in place at the same time.

They remained in the same position for a few minutes until Takanori nodded, slightly pulling away from Yuu’s body before moving back, signaling him that he was ready. Yuu started moving, steadily but still cautiously thrusting into him, tightening the grip on his hips. His cock throbbed painfully, lust filled him from head to toe, and he started to pick up pace, causing Takanori to moan in approval.

The moon emerged fully from behind the clouds, casting its silver light through the big windows, lighting up the room. Yuu panted silently as he took in the sight of Takanori kneeling before him, and his father’s words rang in his ears again, reviving the cold rage within him.

_Faggot._

Yuu slammed into Takanori, making him gasp in surprise. What his father would think if he could see him right now?

_Faggot._

He slammed into Takanori again, rage clouding his mind, as the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room. How much disgust would be visible on his father’s face if he knew what Yuu was doing? If he knew _whom_ Yuu was doing?

_Faggot._

Yuu pulled his cock out of Takanori’s entrance, and forcefully thrust into him again; Takanori cursed at the rapidly increased force, before he uttered an arousing moan as Yuu’s cock found his sweet spot.

Oh, his father would despise him if he knew that Yuu was a _faggot_ as well.

And even more so if he knew how fucking good it felt right in this moment, as Takanori’s hot tightness engulfed him and his muscles contracted around his hard cock, which throbbed with pleasure and an insatiable want for more.

He grabbed Takanori’s erection, this time without hesitation, and started working his cock relentlessly.

Takanori’s fingers dug into the bedsheets as he panted loudly, cursing under his breath. “Oh, God, hgnnn! Fuck!” Yuu stroked his length over and over again, turned on even further by Takanori’s unconcealed moans of pleasure.

Oh, he was beginning to love being a _faggot_ , alright.

Banishing any thoughts of his father from his mind, Yuu pulled out of Takanori, and released his erection, which was beginning to leak with precum. “Turn around!” he ordered hoarsely, feeling his own cock protest at the lack of tightness around it.

“What?” Takanori murmured, still caught in a daze, and huffed as he fully realized that Yuu wasn’t touching – or fucking – him anymore.

“Turn around!” Yuu demanded again while he simultaneously grabbed him by the hip, and rolled Takanori over as the other was taking too long to respond to his demand.

“Oi, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Takanori hissed as he landed on the mattress, glaring at him angrily. Yuu, however, remained unfazed by the sight of his anger, for strands of blonde hair were sticking to Takanori’s sweaty forehead and cheeks, making him look utterly sexy and delicious under the pale moonlight.

A burning desire flared up in him, raging through him like an inferno that had spun out of control. However, he liked to burn, even welcomed the flames that weren’t hurting him at all, but only filled him with an exhilarating warmth he had never felt before in his life, burning away any and all worries and restraints within him. “I want to see your face when you cum,” he whispered into Takanori’s ear, feeling the other shiver with pleasure at his words.

He kissed Takanori longingly, whose anger subsided immediately; their lips melted into a sloppy kiss. Yuu lifted Takanori’s pelvis, and slowly pushed his cock inside him again before picking up where he had left off.

Takanori wrapped his legs around Yuu’s waist, meeting his thrusts thirstily, and moaning against Yuu’s lips, unable to focus on their kisses as he neared his orgasm; his leaking erection pressed against Yuu’s torso.

Yuu seized his erection, and lifted his head to look at Takanori’s face as he began to stroke his cock again. His eyes were closed, his lips parted and he panted audibly, uttering one moan after the other as Yuu continued to penetrate him, hitting his most sensitive spot repeatedly. He tugged at the strands of Yuu’s hair before ultimately clinging to his shoulder blades as he slowly began to struggle in keeping up his pace. He threw his head back as Yuu finally pushed him over the edge, moaning loudly as he came hard between their sweaty bodies; his nails dug into Yuu’s back, scraping across his skin, and making him moan with pleasure at the sharp pain. His release spilled all over Yuu’s hand as well as their stomachs, and his muscles tightened around Yuu’s cock, coaxing another moan from him, all the while his heart skipped a beat as he took in the breathtakingly beautiful sight of Takanori coming undone beneath him.

As he thrust into him a few more times, a thought took root inside of his dazed mind.

He never wanted to see Takanori sad again; he would never make his beautiful face twist in agony like that Akira guy had apparently done – all he ever wanted to do was bring him pleasure, and see his face reflect nothing but bliss.

With that thought, whose full extent Yuu wasn’t even remotely able to grasp yet, he thrust into him a last time, before his own orgasm overwhelmed him, and he came inside of Takanori. Exhausted, he collapsed on top of him, both panting heavily, bodies still trembling from their orgasms.

Still overcome with ecstasy, Yuu pulled out of Takanori after a moment of catching their breaths, and rolled off of him. He removed the condom, and carelessly tossed it to the floor.

“Fuck,” Takanori breathed, his voice as shaky as Yuu’s whole body felt. “That was good.”

Yuu only grunted in response, too fatigued to form cohesive words, let alone whole sentences. It remained a mystery to him how quickly Takanori seemed to regain his composure, meanwhile he could barely stop his heart from racing.

He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, trying to calm his breathing. He was almost proud of himself for not freaking out anymore about having sex with another man, though he wasn’t entirely sure whether this was all Takanori’s doing, and whether he would have been able to do these kinds of intimate things with anyone else.

Not yet, anyway.

And not that he wanted to.

“What are you brooding about this time again?” Takanori sighed, glancing at him warily. “Don’t tell me you’re regretting it again?”

He tilted his head to look at him, lowering his arm to his side. “No,” he replied quietly, “I don’t regret it. I just…” he trailed off, and pressed his lips together to silence himself. Takanori would probably take him for a fool if he knew what kind of weird thoughts ran through his mind.

Propping his head up on his hand, Takanori looked at him questioningly. “You just what?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

Takanori groaned, and flicked his forehead. “It won’t kill you to speak your mind for once, you know?”

Yuu glanced at him in silence. It was odd to be talking like they normally would under any other circumstances – when they weren’t completely naked and sticky from a round of passionate sex. Though if he was honest, he did like it somehow. It helped put his body and mind at ease, all the while Takanori didn’t just feel like any other faceless person that he had meaningless sex with.

Uncommitted, yes.

Meaningless, no.

Takanori was anything but his first when it came to sex, although, in another sense of the word, he was. The first to make him feel something, _anything_ , really. The first to induce these sorts of intoxicating sensations, to have him writhe with desire and need. The first to make him accept his true self.

So no, to Yuu their sex was anything but meaningless. “I just never experienced something as intense before,” he admitted, blushing in embarrassment.

“You’re welcome.” He could hear the smug grin in Takanori’s voice, and rolled his eyes, though he felt himself chuckle at the words. Takanori clicked his tongue thoughtfully. “So, does that mean you’re on board?” he asked, caution evident in his tone of voice, the smirk disappearing from his face. “You and me, amazing sex whenever, no strings attached?”

Uncommitted sex on a regular basis with a man who was as gorgeous as he was feisty?

Yuu sighed in defeat, too tired to put up a fight that he was continuously losing anymore, a fight he was more than eager to lose time and time again. “Yeah. You and me, amazing sex whenever, no strings attached,” he agreed, unwittingly signing off on his own doom. “As long as this stays between us for the time being.”

“I’d make a pinky promise, but I guess that’d be kinda weird, what with us being completely naked and all,” Takanori sniggered, and Yuu groaned in disbelief. His heart raced at the thought that he really had just agreed to Takanori’s proposal. Though it not only beat this fast due to anxiety but also due to thrilled excitement at the prospects their little agreement brought with it. He knew by now that he would continue to lust after Takanori, and there was absolutely nothing that could go wrong with no strings attached.

Takanori yawned contently, and draped his blanket over his still naked body, snuggling up in his pillow, meanwhile Yuu shifted uncomfortably, unsure what to do now. “Uhm… Do you, uhm… want me to leave now?” he asked sheepishly, his cheeks burning hot with embarrassment still. Boy, he really sucked at getting intimate with anyone and all that came with (and after) it.

Even when said person had the right sex, it appeared.

An indifferent grunt was the response. “I don’t really care. You can stay if you want, as long as you don’t get any funny ideas like cuddling or spooning me.”

Yuu laughed embarrassedly. Even if he had wanted to do stuff like that, he probably would have been too much of a coward to attempt any of it. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he retorted, his eyelids becoming heavy with tiredness. He was just glad and more than grateful that he didn’t have to bother with getting up from bed and driving home at such an ungodly hour. And it surely wasn’t as weird for him to stay the night as it might seem at first sight.

After all, nothing could go wrong with their mutual arrangement.

Right?

 

 

The obnoxious beeping of his alarm clock woke Takanori from a dreamless slumber, and he fumbled for his clock to hit the snooze-button. His hand hit the clock, knocking it off the nightstand, and he cursed in annoyance as it continued to ring on the floor. He pushed himself up, and bent over the edge of his bed to pick up his damned clock, finally silencing it in the process.

He sank back into his pillow, and cast a gaze to the left as the body besides him shifted. Yuu had remained fully undisturbed by his struggle with the alarm clock, and he was still sleeping soundly. Takanori took in the sight of his peaceful sleeping face, loose strands of long, dark hair dangling in front of it, making Yuu look absolutely beautiful.

It was strange to wake up to someone else next to him again, and Takanori felt a painful stab at his heart as he realized how much he missed waking up to _that_ face, no matter how stupid and wrong it was. After all, he would never again wake up next to _him_ , the betrayal had cut far too deep for him to ever forgive him, let alone ever trust him again.

Or anyone, for that matter.

When it became hard for him to breathe, he nudged Yuu’s shoulder, trying his best to banish these painful thoughts. “Hey, wake up,” he urged him, nudging his shoulder again as Yuu didn’t budge. “Come on, sleepy-head, we gotta leave for work soon.” Though he wasn’t sure whether Yuu was willing to go back to work after his latest fight with his father. Takanori didn’t know what that fight had been about, but it seemed like it had been pretty nasty.

Yuu grumbled reluctantly, slowly opening his eyes. “Ugh. What time is it?”

“It’s high time to get up,” Takanori prompted him, but sighed. If he could, he would stay in bed all day. But he knew that Kouyou would kick his butt if he found out about him slacking off, and furthermore, work was as good a distraction as anything. Though he did prefer getting fucked hard over going to work any day. “Come on, lazybones.” Admittedly, they weren’t as much in a rush as he made them out to be, he just liked to take his time in getting out of bed and preparing for the day. And he craved a nice hot shower.

Blinking away the sleep, Yuu yawned grumpily. “Yeah, yeah, stop pestering me,” he mumbled before making a move to remove his blanket and get up. However, hand clutched around the blanket, he froze, and his cheeks flared up. “Uhm, give me a minute,” he whispered, looking utterly ashamed.

Takanori frowned, ready to ask him whether he _still_ had issues with being naked in front of him after everything they had done, until he noticed the unmistakable bulge beneath the white blanket. A devious smile spread on his face, and he felt his own cock swell at the thought of what was hidden under that blanket. “You need help with that?” he breathed, sliding his hand beneath Yuu’s blanket and wrapping his fingers around his morning wood.

Yuu’s eyes widened, and a pleasantly surprised moan escaped his lips. “Wh-what are you doing?” Takanori felt Yuu’s cock twitch in his hand as he squeezed it firmly before giving it a determined stroke. Yuu’s eyes rolled backward, and he moaned again. “I, hgnn, thought we were,” he gasped as Takanori pressed his thumb against the tip of his cock, “in a, hgnnn, hurry?”

“Don’t worry,” he murmured, pulling away the blanket and situating himself on top of Yuu’s legs. “This won’t take long.” With that, he grabbed Yuu’s hardening cock at the shaft, and lowered his head. He licked his length once, causing the other to shiver with lust, before his tongue glided to the tip, encircling it teasingly.

“Oh God!” Yuu gasped, and Takanori looked up to flash him a lewd grin. Oh, how he loved the responses he was getting from Yuu’s body, making him feel wanted and desired.

He took in his erection, and slowly began to suck him off, all the while he didn’t avert his eyes from Yuu’s face, who blushed deeply with arousal. Takanori bobbed his head up and down, running his lips and tongue along his pulsating cock, feeling his own dick grow harder with every second and every moan Yuu uttered.

Yuu’s fingers entangled themselves in his hair, pulling his head down on his cock and jerking his hips up at the same time. The tip of his cock pounded the back of his throat, causing Takanori to gag slightly. Still, he kept pleasuring him with his mouth, scraping his teeth along the sensitive skin; he could feel Yuu shiver and he started to pant heavily, eyes closed at the treatment he was giving him.

Feeling his own cock throb painfully at the delicious sight that was Yuu, he reached down to work his own erection simultaneously, tasting the precum on the tip of Yuu’s cock, and licking it away greedily. He tasted too fucking good, it almost drove him crazy.

“Fuck,” Yuu moaned, his grip tightening as he neared his orgasm. “Your mouth feels so fucking good around my cock.”

Takanori’s moan was stifled by the cock in his mouth, and he felt precum drop from his own erection at the enticing words. He opened his jaw as wide as possible, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he deep-throated Yuu. He was such a slut for sucking the other’s cock, especially when he got rewarded with words like these, spurring him on even more.

He watched Yuu’s back arch as he came, and gagged again as he released into Takanori’s throat; he swallowed everything, relishing the taste of Yuu.

Yuu let go of his strands, his arms falling limp on the mattress, and with the arousing thought that he alone had given the other the utmost pleasure, Takanori gave his own cock a final stroke, throwing his head back in a moan as he released into his own hand. His orgasm rolled over him like a bulldozer, causing him to sway slightly. He placed his shaking hand on Yuu’s chest to keep himself from tipping over, and gasped for air.

“Fuck,” Yuu burst out in a husky voice. “You’re fucking incredible.”

Takanori laughed happily, the ecstasy of his orgasm mixing with a warm, fluttering feeling in his stomach, and in the spur of the moment, he bent forward to kiss him in gratitude for his words, giving him a taste of himself as he shoved his tongue into Yuu’s mouth hungrily.

Surprised, Yuu returned the kiss, placing his hand on Takanori’s neck to pull him closer.

After a minute, Takanori broke the kiss, falling back onto his side of the bed as he breathed heavily. His whole body was still trembling from their little intercourse, his senses were still high from utter bliss. “You’re not too bad yourself,” he teased with a laugh, getting a sullen snort in return.

He stretched out in bed with a content sigh.

“I’m calling dibs on the shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help but notice there was only little feedback after the last chapter... I hope it had nothing to do with the chapter itself. If anything is bad or bothering you guys, I'd appreciate if you let me know ♥ I'm always striving to improve my writing & stories.


	10. Chapter 10

Takanori was in a good mood.

Not only was Saturday today, which meant that he had been able to sleep in, but he had also gotten a more than satisfying round of morning sex (after some mind-blowing sex the night before), a nice hot shower and was currently on his second cup of coffee.

He did have to admit that it was kind of scary how quickly Yuu seemed to have gotten used to the whole sleeping together situation. He had gotten more and more confident and even dominant over the course of the remaining week since he had first agreed to his proposal. He was clearly starting to accept his sexuality, and actually enjoying it, though Takanori knew that he only began to relax once they were alone behind closed doors, where no one else was able to see them.

Around other people on the other hand, Yuu was still afraid; afraid to tell anyone else about his sexuality, afraid to be found out by anyone. Takanori sympathized with him, knowing full well how hard it was to gather up the courage to out oneself openly to friends and family. Yuu simply needed more time to grow comfortable with his true self.

And as long as he kept fucking Takanori good and hard, he didn’t mind their secrecy.

He looked himself over in the mirror of his dressing table, checking his make-up once more to make sure it concealed any flaws – first and foremost the dark circles around his eyes – before he gave his reflection a content nod. He finally looked presentable; even now he still felt too uncomfortable and self-conscious to show himself in front of Yuu without any make-up on. Which was why he never bothered removing his make-up when he came over, and why he always waited until the other was in the shower to freshen it up. He needed to look flawless, be flawless, or else Yuu would surely dump him for someone better.

At least that’s what that mean little voice in the back of his head kept telling him, no matter how desperately he tried to shut it up.

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, reaching for his coffee mug on the dressing table. The voice always became quieter when he was with Yuu; when Yuu was touching him and kissing him and fucking him, it nearly never spoke. When he was on his own, however, without any sort of distraction, it would always come back to haunt him like a poltergeist, leaving him behind with nothing but misery and crippling self-doubt.

It didn’t help either that Akira kept calling him, trying desperately to get in touch with him. He also left him dozens of text messages each day, begging for Takanori to talk to him, to let him explain, to give him another chance. He knew he shouldn’t even be reading those texts, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t spare himself the additional misery.

After all, he deserved it, didn’t he?

If he hadn’t been this blind and oblivious, then maybe he would have seen the signs earlier. If he had been better, if he had been _good enough_ , then Akira would have never had any reason to betray him like that. Then he would have been able to keep him by his side forever.

But he hadn’t been able to.

Because he hadn’t been good enough.

And part of him wondered if he ever truly had been.

The obnoxious ringing of the doorbell startled him, almost causing him to spill his coffee as he flinched. He furrowed his brows in confusion; he wasn’t expecting any visitors today besides Kouyou, and he wouldn’t be here until early afternoon. Moreover, Yuu was still here, since they had only gotten up about half an hour ago, still taking a shower; he probably wouldn’t be too overjoyed about any uninvited guests. Not that Takanori was.

Unless something had come up that had caused Kouyou to swing by earlier?

Hesitantly, he got up from the dressing table. It wasn’t entirely impossible, for Kouyou tended to live in his own world when he wasn’t working. He was almost completely oblivious to the concept of time where it concerned his days off. It wouldn’t be the first time he showed up either too early or too late because he got dates and times mixed up; how he managed to get through his studies successfully remained a mystery to Takanori.

Quickly weighing the pros and cons of answering the door, Takanori trotted through the hallway. He was almost certain it was either Kouyou or one of the neighbors. Even though Yuu would probably not be too happy about the first option, Kouyou was no one to worry about – he would take their little arrangement to the grave if Takanori asked him to. And he was confident that he would be able to get rid of any neighbors in the span of a minute, no matter what they were trying to pester him about. His bet was on Matsuda, the bachelor who lived next door, and constantly ran out of ingredients for whatever second-rate meals he tried to cook on his own.

At this time of day, however, Kouyou seemed more likely.

Putting a grin on his face, Takanori pushed down the door handle. “Thought you were gonna swing by at two, not twelve, Shim-“

The words died on his lips, and the smile froze, his face warping into a painful grimace.

The man on the other side of his door wasn’t Kouyou. Because Kouyou was about a feet taller than him, and didn’t have blonde, spikey hair. Kouyou also didn’t make his chest contract in pain or his heart tear in half.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” he whispered, voice barely audible.

“I’ve missed you, Taka-chan.” Akira’s face twisted into an expression somewhere between regret and sadness.

Takanori shook his head, his whole body started to go numb, meanwhile a nearly unbearable pain ripped through his heart. He clenched his fists that started to tremble, nails painfully digging into the palms of his hands; he didn’t even feel it. All he felt was the insufferable pain, and a cold, boiling anger swelling up inside of him. “No,” he pressed out flatly. “What _the fuck_ are you doing here?” he then yelled, throwing all his anger and pain at Akira, who flinched at his wrath as though he hadn’t expected it. As though he didn’t deserve it. As though a short period of time healed all wounds and made everything alright again.

As though it was perfectly fine for him to be standing in front of Takanori’s apartment.

Akira’s tanned hand reached out to touch him in a calming manner, but he stepped back to evade his fingers. “I came to talk. Please, Taka-chan, give me a chance, I just-“

“Don’t fucking call me that!” Takanori screamed, too upset to keep his emotions in check. Too upset to keep his voice down. Too upset to even cry like he normally would.

“Taka, I-“

“NO!” He wanted to jump at Akira. He wanted to throw him to the floor and punch him until his own body gave out from fatigue, wanted to give him a taste of all the pain and suffering he had went through the last three-and-a-half months.

But Akira wasn’t even supposed to be here.

“How the fuck did you get this address?!” Only his parents, Kouyou and Yuu knew where he lived now, and neither of them would have told Akira where he had moved to, not over their dead bodies. Except for Yuu of course, who didn’t know his ex and who didn’t have any business with him either. But that just made him the least likely one to have told him.

Akira rubbed his upper arm with his hand as he looked down at the ground in shame. “I, uh, I… well…”

Takanori was about to slap him. He couldn’t believe this was happening, he couldn’t believe that Akira even had the audacity to show up here of all places. “ _How did you get this address?!_ ” he spat, making sure to emphasize every word, while his rage grew with every syllable.

“I, uh… I asked my cousin, uh, you know, the one who works at the police to uh… t-track your phone n-number.”

Takanori saw red.

He launched his body forward, smacking his palm against Akira’s cheek, a loud thud echoed through the hallway as he did so. “ _You fucking bastard!_ ” he hissed. “How dare you? Are you still not satisfied with how much you’ve ruined my life already?! Are you still not satisfied with how much you’ve hurt me?!”

Akira hastily shook his head, cautiously feeling the reddening cheek that Takanori had slapped with a pained grimace. “Please, Taka-ch-“ he interrupted himself, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “Taka, please. I’m begging you. I know I screwed up. Badly. I just…” he broke off as the elevator doors opened, and one of Takanori’s neighbors entered the hallway.

Takanori, on the other hand, didn’t give a shit whether he was causing a scene in front of other people. “You screwed up?!” he snapped at him. “You’ve been fucking another guy. And you fucking lied to me _for months_! Who knows how long you would’ve kept fucking him and lying to me if I hadn’t walked in on you. Screwing up doesn’t even begin to cover it!” His cheeks flared up in anger, all the while the provisory stitches that held his heart together were beginning to tear, threatening to leave his heart in pieces again. Deep down he knew he should have slammed the door shut on Akira the moment he had seen him, but this unexpected reunion had knocked him completely off balance.

Waving his hands in front of Takanori in an attempt to silence him, Akira flashed an apologetic smile at Takanori’s neighbor, a small, middle-aged woman who glanced at them curiously. “I know, okay? I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. Please, can we take this inside?” He started to push Takanori backwards and into his apartment.

“Please, can you go fuck yourself?” Takanori retaliated mockingly to cover up his heartache, gritting his teeth as he tried to put up resistance, but to no avail.

Even though Akira’s stature was rather scrawny, he trained regularly, harboring more strength than was visible to the naked eye. He managed to steer Takanori inside and close the front door behind them, which pissed him off even more. Apart from that, he also made him feel utterly weak and pathetic all over again, being unable to put up a real fight against Akira. Being unable to move on from him. Being unable to forget him.

And he hated it, hated it, hated it.

He hated it more than anything else. Even more than the pain he felt on a daily basis, he hated how fucking weak he was when it came to Akira. He resented how much power he continued to hold over him; how he made his body quiver, and his heart sting in pain and desire at the same time. After all this time, it still longed for Akira, still missed him dearly. And it pained Takanori more than anything. He felt like iron-clad fingers had gripped his throat and were now slowly strangulating him, giving him enough air to continue breathing for a while and torture him until he would eventually die from all the unbearable agony.

“Let go of me!” he shouted, shaking off Akira’s hands that were still holding onto his shoulders, the touch burning the flesh beneath his shirt in the most excruciating way. Why couldn’t he stop missing him? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him? Why couldn’t he stop loving him? He felt tears well up inside of him, and blinked despairingly to keep them from falling. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” He had meant to sound angry, but his voice was ridden with pain instead. “You already took everything from me.” His heart. His mind. His trust. His life. His future. His soul. “What else do you want from me?” He sniffed audibly to keep the tears at bay, but he felt himself lose grip over the rest of his pitiful emotions.

Akira huffed heavily, giving the impression that he was the miserable one. _Laughable._ “Please, baby,” he begged again, using another pet name of his, leaving a sour taste in Takanori’s mouth and a painful throbbing in his chest. “You’ve got every right to be angry at me. I deserve it, I know I do.”

Takanori did utter a humorless laugh at that point. “My, my. You’re a smart one, aren’t you?” he spit out. “But I guess that’s like… basic requirement for a cheating bastard like you, isn’t it? Otherwise you probably would’ve never been able to fuck me over for five months, huh?” He tapped his temple with his index finger. “Something like that takes brain, after all. Am I right, _baby?_ ”

Even the other’s wincing failed to make him feel better in any way. Not even the sight of Akira looking like a kicked dog gave him any sort of gratification. Takanori just felt broken inside.

“I’m sorry, Taka, please, you gotta believe me!” Akira pleaded, reaching for his arm again. Takanori swatted his hand away angrily. “I just want to make this right. I still love you, please, you need to believe me! If I could turn back time and undo what I did, I would! I’d do anything to make this right again.”

Every single word resembled a punch to Takanori’s guts, every attempt to touch him ripped another one of the stitches on his heart open until rivers of blood gushed out. He felt the last of his composure crack, and the tears started to spill. “There’s no making this right, don’t you get it?” He suppressed a sob, both angry and disappointed that he cried in front of Akira; he was the last person who ought to see him like this. “How could I ever trust another word you say? You’re nothing but a filthy liar.” He pressed his fingertips against his trembling lips to hold back his sobs, all the while tears were streaming down his cheeks. Maybe he would have been able to forgive Akira if it truly had been a one-off. If it had been a single mistake made in a moment of weakness. But he had betrayed him for almost half a year. There was no making that right. There was no forgiveness. There was no more trust.

Only pain.

“If you’d ever truly loved me, you would’ve never done this to me in the first place. So don’t you dare say shit like that now! Don’t you dare say you’d change anything if you had the chance to because we both know that’s bullshit!” Cheating on someone for months wasn’t something that just happened; it was a process of several wrong decisions leading up to the ultimate betrayal. Akira had had more than one occasion to turn back, to _undo_ what he was about to do, but he never had. He had kept going on that misleading road for whatever reasons Takanori still couldn’t grasp. Not once had he tried to even talk to him about the things that had been bothering him, about the things that had been going wrong in their relationship. Takanori hadn’t even been aware of the problems they had apparently been having. And while he was surely to blame for that part, he hadn’t been the one who had simply resulted in screwing someone else instead.

He wasn’t the one to blame for that – apart from the fact that he hadn’t been good enough, that was.

Evidently, he had struck a nerve, as Akira turned first white and then red, rage contorting his face as well. “I could say the same thing about you!” he yelled at him. “If you’d truly loved me, you wouldn’t have spent all your time at that fucking law firm! If you’d truly loved me, you’d give me a chance to make this right. I keep trying to fix us, but you just keep pretending like I’m the only one to blame for this! If you had given me more of your time, then maybe I wouldn’t have needed to look for attention elsewhere!”

Takanori felt like someone had just bashed his head in with a baseball bat while at the same time ripping his heart out of his chest, leaving nothing but a gaping hole behind. “Oh, so this is my fault now?? Is that what you’re saying?!”

“I’m saying that you’re not the victim you pretend to be!” Akira shot back, shattering the rest of Takanori’s heart and mind. They had never had a confrontation about this; he had left Akira’s sorry ass minutes after he had caught him in bed, cock buried deep in another man’s entrance, and he hadn’t seen him since.

Back then, Akira had been smart enough to not show his face around when Takanori had collected his most important belongings the next two days. He had never gotten any reasons why, and he had never gotten any closure either. Now he wanted nothing more but to forget the abhorrent words Akira had just thrown at him.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT, YOU BASTARD!!”

Akira opened his mouth to respond in a similarly loud manner, when a calm and steady voice beat him to it.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Akira’s head shot around, and he glanced at Yuu in disbelief, whose hair was still damp from the shower he had been taking.

“Shit,” Takanori breathed, before he hastily rubbed his cheeks to get rid of the tearstains on his face. He had completely forgotten about Yuu, and right now he wished that he had stayed hidden away in the bathroom. “Nothing,” he lied hoarsely.

“Didn’t sound like nothing,” Yuu replied, looking him over with a concerned expression. His dark brown eyes studied every inch of his face, his gaze following the path of a lonely tear rolling down Takanori’s cheek. He furrowed his brows, the concern on his face growing with each and every of Takanori’s painful heartbeats.

“Who the fuck are you?!” Akira burst out, his fists clenched. His eyes wandered from Yuu to Takanori, then back to Yuu, furiously eyeing his damp hair. “And what the fuck are you doing in Taka’s apartment?”

Yuu made a move to answer him, the concern on his face switching to a blank mask, but Takanori stopped him with a raised hand. “That’s none of your fucking business,” he hissed at Akira, anger quenching his urge to cry. “I thought I told you to get the fuck out!?”

Once more, Akira winced at his rage. “Please, baby,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was just-“

“Oh, spare me!” he cut him off, his heart stinging painfully at the words; Akira had meant every word of it, he was sure of it. Takanori hadn’t been enough, he hadn’t been around to fuck whenever Akira’s needs had taken over his thinking, so he had simply found himself someone else to screw in the meantime. “I’m not your ‘baby’ anymore, don’t ever fucking call me that again. And don’t ever fucking call or text me again either. Just get the fuck out of my apartment and out of my life. I don’t ever want to see you again. You got that?”

Shaking his head, Akira moved a step closer to Takanori, who instinctively took a step back. “Baby, don’t say that, please. Just give me a chance to fix this, I’m begging you!”

“Are you deaf?” Yuu snorted, his narrowed eyes and gritted teeth a first indication that his mask of indifference was beginning to crack. “He told you to leave.”

Akira’s head jerked around, and he glared at Yuu as though he was going to jump at his throat any second. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Stop meddling in other people’s affairs, it’s none of your goddamn business!” He looked Yuu over, frowning at the sight. They were both about the same height and built, but Takanori could tell by Akira’s distorted expression that not only was he well aware of Yuu’s beauty, but also felt threatened by it. The way his face darkened told him just as much. “You’re the one who needs to get lost!”

“I don’t think so,” Yuu hissed in response, now visibly boiling, which alerted Takanori, who already knew of his short-lived temper. He really didn’t need these two ripping each other’s throats out like some undisciplined, savage wild beasts. Least of all in his goddamn hallway.

Not that he was worth any of it.

“Yuu, please,” he whispered, looking at him pleadingly. If they started a fight, Takanori would surely lose the rest of his mind, and most likely suffer a mental breakdown in the process. He was already at the brink, he couldn’t take much more of all this bullshit; especially not some macho-esque cockfight. He put a hand on Yuu’s arm to keep him from getting closer to Akira, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Can you just wait in the living room, please? I got this.” He so hadn’t got this, but separating the two of them was the only way to prevent a fist fight, since none of them seemed inclined to back down. And no way in hell would Yuu leave before Akira had; not that he wanted him to. Akira was the one who was uninvited, who had no business being here, not Yuu. And simply knowing Yuu to be there gave him a weird sense of reassurance.

Yuu returned his gaze, his features softening at the pleading expression on Takanori’s face and his tender touch, and he nodded slowly; however, Akira didn’t take too kindly to the air of familiarity between them. “ _Oh no!_ ” he exclaimed furiously. “He might as well stay here and tell me who _the fuck_ he is and _what the fuck_ he wants from _my man_ ,” he spit out hotly.

“I’m not your fucking man!” Takanori snapped as anguish rippled through his body; speaking these words out loud hurt more than he could ever express. “Not anymore.” He let go of Yuu’s arm to dig his nails into his palms once more to try and distract himself from the emotional pain through the physical one.

Hot anger visible on his face now, Yuu stepped forward until he was only inches away from Akira. “I’m his new boyfriend,” he blurted out in aggravation. “So stop pestering him!”

Takanori gasped in disbelief at Yuu’s bold words, all the while Akira completely paled, his eyes widening in horror. “The fuck did you just say?” he whispered, fists beginning to shake with rage.

“You heard him,” Takanori intervened, feeling a throbbing headache begin to form behind his temples. If this nightmare of a face-off didn’t end soon, he would most certainly explode. Granted those two didn’t start to bash each other’s heads in first. He just hoped that going with Yuu’s farce would finally get rid of Akira. He couldn’t bear the agony of looking at him, and listening to his deep voice any longer; too many emotions and memories threatened to burst out of his own personal Pandora’s Box, where he had stored them in a desperate attempt to lock them away. He felt like a pan of cooking water that had been left on the stove for too long and was now about to boil over. “Now get the fuck out before I call the police.” It was all getting too much for him; Akira’s sudden appearance, their altercation, and last but not least Yuu’s insolent words – he was at his limit.

Incredulous, Akira looked at him, before anger flashed in his eyes. “So that’s how it is?!” he yelled. “You just dumped me and then started to fuck the next best thing?!”

Akira’s words cut deep; so deep that they made him flinch as though he had been slapped across the face. Here they were again, with Akira blaming him for everything. He hadn’t dumped him because he had wanted to, or because he had grown tired of Akira, and he hadn’t chosen to sleep around with other people for the kicks. All of this had been results of the things Akira had done to him, and for once, Takanori was not willing to take the blame on himself. “It’s none of your goddamn business who I fuck!” Unwilling to take more of this crap, he pushed past Akira to open his front door. “Now leave. I won’t say it again.”

Completely dumbfounded at his harsh tone and the unconcealed contempt on Takanori’s face, Akira finally caved in. Shoulders slouched, he turned around and scuffled out the door, not deigning to look at Yuu again. “And don’t you dare come back here,” Takanori hissed, before he slammed the door shut behind him. Trembling from the whole ordeal, he leaned his head against the cold wood of the door, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt utterly worn out.

“Are you alright?” Yuu whispered hesitatingly, any trace of anger vanished from his voice.

Takanori spun around on his heels as fury gnawed at him again. “What the fuck was that?!” he snarled at him. “I told you to leave this to me, what the fuck were you thinking? My new boyfriend? Are you out of your mind?!”

Yuu winced guiltily, clearly not having expected this level of wrath directed at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… it just slipped out,” he retorted, thereby lowering his head in deep shame.

Burying his fingers in his hair to tug on the blonde strands, Takanori groaned, feeling like an old crazy person while doing so. “Why the fuck does nobody ever listen to me? And why does everyone think I’m their property or some shit? I don’t fucking belong to anyone,” he cursed.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Yuu repeated. “I just didn’t know what else to do. Apart from punching him, that is. But I don’t think that would’ve helped the situation any more. I overstepped my boundaries, and I’m sorry. I just wanted to help you,” he explained sincerely, remorse plainly visible on his face.

“Well next time, don’t bother,” Takanori snapped at him, too upset to think clearly anymore, or otherwise he might have acknowledged Yuu’s genuine efforts in trying to help him out in such a delicate situation. But right now, he was at the brink of a nervous breakdown, with too many conflicting emotions seeping through his body at once. He hadn’t meant to see Akira again – ever. And he also hadn’t meant for Yuu to see him like this, either. To see him like the broken shell that he was.

“I won’t. I’m sorry,” Yuu murmured glumly. He looked at Takanori, thoroughly studying his face, which made him feel uncomfortably naked, as though he could read even the most well-hidden feelings inside of him.

Takanori averted his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact. It was all his fucking fault to begin with, anyway. No matter what he touched, he only ended up making a mess of things. “Please leave,” he whispered, eyes downcast to the floor. “I want to be alone right now. And please don’t make me repeat myself like that bastard did.”

Yuu sighed in defeat. “Alright,” he nodded, although he sounded anything but happy about the idea of leaving Takanori alone with his thoughts. “I’ll get out of your hair then.” He slid into his shoes in silence, and picked up his jacket. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again. “Uhm… call me if you need anything.”

His only response was to step aside and open the front door for Yuu, quietly watching him as he trotted out into the hallway. Without another word, he closed the door on Yuu as well, and leaned his back against it afterwards. A comforting numbness was beginning to settle in his body, rendering him almost immune to the pain and heartache within him. He felt like he was standing in a sea of mist, with bleak nothingness the only thing palpable around him, no matter in which direction he turned.

And to think that the day had started off so nicely.


	11. Chapter 11

“What happened?”

Kouyou squinted as he took in Takanori’s red, puffy eyes and his upset state; of course he had worked himself up after Yuu had left until he had started crying again, Akira’s words tearing him down like a wrecking ball would do to a house. And to crown it all, Kouyou had arrived earlier than expected indeed, giving him considerably less time to calm down again, and get rid of all the visible evidence of his distraught condition.

Takanori shrugged in defeat, leading the way into his bright living room, where he dropped onto the big white leather couch. He grabbed one of the fluffy pillows and pressed it against his stomach, absent-mindedly staring at the switched-off flat screen as Kouyou sat down beside him, brows furrowed in concern.

“It’s Akira,” he whispered tiredly.

He could feel Kouyou tense beside him. “Don’t tell me he’s still trying to call you?” he grunted angrily.

Shaking his head, Takanori huffed. To his own surprise – and relief – Akira had been silent ever since he had kicked him out of his apartment forty minutes ago. “No,” he said, not feeling strong enough to raise his voice above a whisper. “But he showed up here a while ago.”

 _“He what?!”_ Kouyou hissed, his clenched fist hitting his thigh in anger. “How did he even get your address?” He jumped to his feet, and started pacing the room, tugging at the strands of his honey blonde hair. Takanori rarely witnessed his best friend agitated like this, normally Kouyou was a very calm and collected person. But the more he told him about Akira, the more upset he got. And even though Takanori knew that he was just being protective of him, it still made a lump of guilt form in his throat.

“His cousin told him. You know, the cop.”

Kouyou snorted in disbelief before he halted in his pacing, then walked over to him and squatted in front of him. Warily, Takanori shifted his gaze to look at his concerned face as Kouyou placed his hands on his thighs. “How are you doing, Taka?”

He pressed his lips together to suppress their trembling; no way in hell would he start to cry again. It had been humiliating enough to cry in front of Akira and even Yuu, he really didn’t need a third person to see him like that today. He just needed to stop crying this much in general; at the rate he was going, he couldn’t be considered as much more than a crybaby anyway. A weak, pathetic crybaby.

“He told me it was my fault,” he breathed, the feeling of his heart being ripped to shreds all over again at the echo of Akira’s words ever present in his chest. “He said if I hadn’t been at work this much then he wouldn’t have…” His voice broke and he desperately swallowed the sobs that rose in his throat. “Then he wouldn’t have had to… get attention elsewhere.” He vigorously shook his head as though he could get rid of the horrible words Akira had thrown at him this way. But they clawed at his heart and mind, refusing to let go, no matter how hard he shook his head, or how much he cried his eyes out.

“That fucking bastard!” Kouyou burst out furiously, though he inhaled sharply to control his anger, and squeezed Takanori’s thighs reassuringly. “That’s bullshit,” he retorted firmly. “Even if it was bothering him this much, then he should’ve talked to you and not just… do that.”

Takanori flinched. He knew that Kouyou was trying to avoid saying it oud loud, but his attempt to paraphrase Akira’s misdeeds stung nevertheless. As did the rest of Kouyou’s words, for Takanori still couldn’t grasp why Akira hadn’t just talked to him. Why he had been so quick to give up on them back then, when now he was so fucking persistent on fixing something that couldn’t be fixed anymore. Why only now?

_You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone._

Did that saying hold this much truth to it? Or did Akira have an ulterior motive for wanting him back this badly?

Takanori didn’t know the answer to either one of these questions. All he knew was that he couldn’t ever trust Akira again. Under no circumstances would he ever be able to rebuild that trust. Not that he wanted to, no matter how much he missed Akira. No matter how much he still loved him. Akira had broken his trust, he had hurt him far too deeply to fix any of it.

“Guess it was just easier this way,” he whispered. He had come to experience firsthand how difficult it was to talk about one’s feelings, yet it still hurt more than anything that Akira hadn’t even once tried to bring up their issues to him.

He lowered his forehead onto the pillow, and sniveled away the tears. If only he was able to fix himself. If only he was somehow able to fix his broken heart.

Kouyou snorted again. “Yeah, I bet.” He let go of Takanori’s thighs and retook his place on the couch, placing a hand on his back instead, softly caressing it. “I still can’t believe this asshole had the audacity to show up here.”

The touch of Kouyou’s fingers managed to calm him down bit by bit, and for the second time within one hour he realized how bad of a decision it had been to kick Yuu out as well. He might have avoided his whole breakdown if he had allowed him to stay. Or he would have been reduced to a sobbing mess in Yuu’s presence, which would have been even more awful than crying on his own. Still, he knew that being alone with his thoughts was a bad idea, because his brain was relentless in trying to make him believe that he was utterly worthless and unlovable.

“Did he at least have the decency to get lost again immediately? After he dropped this load of bullshit on you, I mean?”

Recalling the altercation with Yuu and Akira, Takanori bit his lower lip before shrugging vaguely. “Not really,” he admitted weakly, though he feared that the truth would infuriate Kouyou even more. “I told him to fuck off several times, but he just wouldn’t understand-“ He looked up at Kouyou, whose lips were pressed into a thin line. “He just wouldn’t get that there’s no fixing us. And he refused to leave, until…” he trailed of, not sure whether he ought to tell Kouyou about Yuu, since he had neglected to tell him about their little arrangement thus far.

“Until what?” Kouyou immediately followed up on his words, his hand halting in its movement across Takanori’s back.

He sighed deeply, knowing that there was no use in trying to keep things with Yuu a secret from Kouyou. He did feel guilty about breaking his vow to keep silent, but he trusted Kouyou more than he trusted himself, and he knew he wouldn’t tell a single soul. At the same time, Takanori felt the urge to tell his best friend the truth. Because he felt even guiltier at the thought of keeping things from the one person that had caught him when he had fallen, who had gotten him back on his feet, and had helped him reassemble his life. “Until Yuu intervened.”

Kouyou frowned. “Yuu? Yuu who?” His frown deepened as he got lost in thought for a second, before realization dawned on him. “As in Yuu Shiroyama? The guy from that other law firm?” Takanori nodded silently. “What was he doing here?” Kouyou inquired skeptically, as though he already knew where this was going.

“He, uhm, well…” Takanori puffed his cheeks, feeling a rush of nervousness float through him at the thought of telling Kouyou about him. Until now, he had only ever mentioned Yuu in relation to work, and nothing too specific either, because he hadn’t wanted to make Kouyou worry about him and his suboptimal coping mechanisms even more. “Yuu and I, we’re kinda, well…” he hummed and hawed, suddenly unable to form cohesive sentences.

He feared that Kouyou would be disappointed or hurt, because despite his pleas Takanori was still indulging in these kinds of activities to get his mind off Akira; although at least his alcohol consumption as well as visits at night clubs had significantly decreased ever since he had begun to sleep with Yuu on a regular basis. Not that this necessarily made things better.

“We’re, well… fuckbuddies. Sorta.”

There, he said it. Clean and quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

The way Kouyou’s face paled, however, made him doubt his choice of words, and Takanori cleared his throat in embarrassment. Maybe he should have gone with a more subtle approach, instead of using Yuu’s blunt words. He opened his mouth to tell Kouyou that, actually, those were Yuu’s words and not his, but Kouyou beat him to it. “You’re sleeping with him?!” he asked in disbelief. “Taka, please. I was hoping that you’d finally stop… letting people _use_ you like that.” He didn’t sound angry, just defeated, which increased Takanori’s guilty conscience even more.

“I know,” he said ashamed, fully aware that he had given him his word not to sleep around with strangers anymore. Not that this exactly applied to Yuu. “I know I promised not to do one-night-stands anymore. Which is why I came up with this, uhm… arrangement. I thought it’d be better than going home with strangers all the time.” He leaned his head against the backrest and sighed. Saying it out loud like that made it sound like a worse idea than he had thought it to be before. “I just… I need this distraction. I need the sex to just… not have to think about him,” he admitted quietly. “Or else I’ll go crazy. I’m sorry, Shima. I know you hate this.”

Kouyou grunted, rubbing his forehead with a sigh. “I’m sorry, too. I don’t mean to tell you how to live your life. And I truly don’t like the thought of you fooling around with other men like that. Men you barely know, I mean. I just wish there was something I could do. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

Takanori smiled faintly at his words, a warm feeling of unconditional love flooding his body and smothering the painful burns of his heart. “I won’t, I’ll make sure of it,” he promised foolishly. “Plus, Yuu’s actually a nice guy, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I’ll always worry about you,” Kouyou replied solemnly, before giving him a reassuring smile. “You should know that by now.”

Still smiling, Takanori nodded, and bumped his elbow into Kouyou’s rip in a display of affection. “I do, and I love you for it.” Then, he remembered the end of their altercation, and he grimaced as though he had just bitten down on a lemon. “Well, Yuu’s nice and all, but sometimes he’s also painfully stupid,” he murmured.

Kouyou grunted at his words, shooting him a wary look. “How so?”

Feeling the same anger arise that he had felt only an hour ago, Takanori played with his earring to soothe his annoyance. He still couldn’t believe the words that had left Yuu’s mouth. “When Akira didn’t leave, he flat-out told him that he was my new boyfriend.” He laughed bitterly, feeling like a pathetic little child that couldn’t stand up for itself all over again. “Even though he knows we’re strictly casual. You should’ve seen Akira’s face, he was ready to strangle him then and there.”

_As was I._

Takanori uttered another humorless laugh, a weird mix of anguish and satisfaction washing over him as he thought back to Akira’s dumbfounded expression. Not only had he looked more than pissed off, but also… hurt. And if he was being honest with himself, the knowledge that he had managed to hurt Akira back had felt strangely satisfactory. God knew he deserved to receive at least a fraction of the pain and suffering he had caused Takanori.

“Suits him right,” Kouyou muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You sure about calling this Yuu stupid though? Sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing.” His voice was both distrustful and commendatory.

“Well, he did say he was trying to help me,” Takanori relented. “And that it was either this or punching him.” He did feel weirdly good about Yuu wanting to punch Akira, though to hell if he knew why that was. Maybe it was simply reassuring to have people stand up for him, no matter how weak and incapable it made him feel in the process. “Even though I told him not to interfere at all. Ugh, I just don’t get why nobody ever listens to me.”

Deep in thought, Kouyou hummed. He stretched out his long legs beneath the coffee table and readjusted his dark-framed glasses, giving off the air as though he was wracking his brains about a very difficult mathematical problem, or alternatively world peace, instead of Takanori’s boy-troubles. “Well, I don’t know this Yuu guy, but it doesn’t sound like he had any mal-intentions,” he pondered out loud. “At least I hope for his sake that he doesn’t have any. But it sounds more like he genuinely tried to help you. Maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on him?”

Takanori grunted half-heartedly, partly amused at the underlying threat in Kouyou’s words. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was being too hard on Yuu, trying to see an enemy where there was none. But right now, he was far too exhausted to think about that possibility.

“Maybe,” he agreed glumly, then leaned forward to grab the two controllers of his PlayStation (which had originally belonged to Kouyou, who had been so generous to pass it on to him when he had bought himself the newest model). He threw one of them in Kouyou’s lap before he pressed the power-button on his controller, bringing the device to life. Although he never used the console when he was alone, it was nice enough to have it when Kouyou came around; which was probably the main reason why he had given it to him. He switched on the TV as well before leaning back on the couch, anything but ready to be beaten for the billionth time in whatever game Kouyou would choose to obliterate him in today.

However, he was tired of talking about the mess that was his love life, and he was sure that Kouyou must have been as well, even though he never showed it. “So, your co-worker still bugging you to go on a date with her?” he asked instead, a smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Picking up his own controller, Kouyou groaned in annoyance. “She’s driving me crazy,” he muttered. “I told her a dozen times that I’m not interested in dating anyone right now, and that I want to focus on my studies, but she just won’t take no for an answer.”

“Women,” Takanori giggled sympathetically. Not that men were much easier to deal with, though; he could tell anyone who cared enough to listen a thing or two about that.  
  
* * *  
  
Stubbing out his cigarette with an annoyed groan, Yuu looked at the clock on his phone. 8:21pm. It was high time for him to head home, and he wanted to do nothing more than finally leave this damned place for tonight, but he still had a case file to go through. Thank God this wouldn’t take more than thirty minutes, he estimated. Working this late on a Monday really grinded his gears, and he considered himself lucky enough that he hadn’t ran into his father all day.

Or Takanori, for that matter.

Feeling the same knot form in his stomach that had been there ever since Takanori had kicked him out on Saturday, he trotted back into the company building and headed for the elevator. Admittedly, his choice of words hadn’t been the best, but he had just been unable to come up with anything better to respond to this blonde guy, who obviously only could have been Takanori’s ex.

Akira.

The manner in which he had talked and behaved just had rubbed Yuu off the wrong way, and he had tried his hardest not to make matters worse by punching him. Even though seeing Takanori’s tearstained face had made him want to do exactly that. He didn’t know what had transpired between the two of them; however, Takanori’s state made him assume that he hadn’t ‘just dumped’ his ex for no reason as he had claimed, and that he apparently still suffered from the break-up.

And though Yuu was more than curious to find out exactly what had happened, he knew better than to probe Takanori to tell him about something that so clearly wasn’t any of his business. He just wished he could make him feel better somehow.

Shaking his head, Yuu left the elevator and hurried down the corridor to his office. What was he thinking? The only way in which he was supposed to make Takanori feel better was strictly sexual; everything else didn’t concern him.

He opened the office door, and halted abruptly in the door frame as he spotted Takanori, who was pacing around his office restlessly. Seemingly, he was so deep in thought that he hadn’t even noticed Yuu enter his office.

“Can I help you with something?” he asked wearily; he was caught somewhere between feeling sympathetic for Takanori’s troubles and feeling a bit pissed about the other blowing him off like that the other day, when he had only meant to help him out.

Startled, Takanori spun around, eyeing him with a nervous grin. “Uhm, hey. Uhm, actually I was hoping we could, uhm… talk?” He gnawed at his lower lip, and Yuu frowned. Normally he was the stuttering mess of the two of them, it wasn’t often that he experienced Takanori at a loss for words and babbling like that.

The knot in his stomach tightened upon Takanori’s words, leaving him with an unsettling feeling. What did he want to talk about? Was he going to call off their arrangement simply because Yuu had overstepped his boundaries without mal-intent? Was he going to tell him to fuck off and never bother him again? And why did that thought seem so unbearable to Yuu when he had only known Takanori for a few weeks?

“That depends,” he retorted cautiously, trying to keep these dark thoughts from spinning out of control. “Are you gonna yell at me again?”

Takanori’s face fell, and Yuu immediately regretted his response. “No, uhm,” he mumbled, rubbing his upper arm embarrassedly. “No yelling on my part.” He laughed sheepishly, not daring to look at Yuu.

“Alright then.” Yuu’s features softened, and the knot loosened a bit. It didn’t seem like Takanori was planning to dump him, for he was certain that he would have acted far more determined and confident if he did. So this was about something else. Yuu motioned to the couch, and closed the office door behind him.

They both sat down in awkward silence, Takanori fumbling with the hem of his suit as Yuu looked him over quietly. He looked gorgeous and flawless as ever, though his cheeks seemed a bit pale, and his overall demeanor was one of exhaustion.

“I wanted to apologize,” Takanori started off, catching Yuu completely by surprise. This was the last thing he had expected. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that on Saturday. I was… out of it.” He lifted his gaze to finally look at Yuu, a regretful smile on his lips. “I’m sorry. I thought about what you did, and I know now that you only tried to help me out. I was just too upset to see that.” He fell silent, thereby sinking his teeth into his delicious, red lower lip.

Feeling the urge to just lean over and kiss him to taste those luscious lips, Yuu shifted his gaze to look around his office instead. “It’s fine,” he sighed. “I did cross a line I shouldn’t have crossed.” He shrugged almost helplessly. “And I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but that ex of yours seriously pissed me off with the way he was talking to you.” He crossed his arms and legs, and huffed. “I just couldn’t help it.”

“You’re a dummy,” Takanori chuckled softly, and Yuu felt warmth flutter in his stomach at the familiar nickname. “But a sweet one at that.” Baffled, he held his breath as he felt Takanori’s lips against his cheek, and almost immediately, as though a switch was being flipped, his cheeks heated up. “Thanks for helping me out,” Takanori whispered against his cheek, before retreating again, leaving Yuu with a weird feeling of disappointment.

Desperately trying to calm his racing heart, Yuu cleared his throat, feeling his cheeks burn hotly. “You’re… uhm, you’re welcome,” he stuttered, still extremely flustered by this unexpected tenderness that Takanori was displaying. If that was how he reacted when he felt guilty, then Yuu was almost tempted to let him yell at him more often.

“I’m sorry, though,” Takanori said after a moment of silence, the serious tone of his voice causing Yuu to look at him questioningly. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.” He bit down on his lip in shame, and Yuu’s heart stung at the sadness that flashed across his face for a brief second.

Once more, he recalled the image of Takanori, whose tears had left wet, black marks on his cheeks, and whose red eyes had looked so broken it had churned Yuu up on the inside. He had only heard incomprehensive yelling beforehand, but once he had stepped out of the bathroom and taken in Takanori’s heart-wrenching state, he had wanted nothing more than to punch that blonde asshole who seemed to be the source of Takanori’s grief. Yuu had always harbored a protective instinct, one that he mostly had felt when he had been younger and looking out for his sister or Yutaka (who had been a favored target for bullies in high school), but never before had he felt it this strongly towards someone he didn’t consider family. It was a whole new experience for him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuu tried to reassure him, but suppressed the urge to touch Takanori. It was probably too early to test his boundaries again, no matter how much he wanted to make him feel better. No matter how much he wanted to wash away the sadness evident in those beautiful eyes that he would probably get lost in if he gazed into them for too long. He hesitated for a moment, but decided to ask what was on his mind despite the risk of angering Takanori again. “I know it’s none of my business, and you don’t have to answer me, but… Is he still bothering you?” No matter what he told himself, he just couldn’t help but worry about him.

Not having expected this question, Takanori’s eyes widened in surprise. He remained silent for a few seconds, his fingers picking at the hem of his suit again, this time slightly trembling, before he shook his head. “No, not anymore. Not since you, uhm, posed as my new boyfriend, so to say.”

Yuu rubbed his neck in embarrassment. “I still can’t believe I said that,” he laughed bitterly, feeling the urge to slap his palm across his forehead again. “I’m sorry, I really need to think more before I speak. Though that’s never been my strong suit, to be honest.” He knew full well that he had a temper, and that it often made him act rashly and without thinking; it was like being in court drained him of any self-restraint when it came to arguments outside of those huge halls.

“Yeah, I noticed as much,” Takanori agreed, finally finding back to his teasing self, a small smile visible on his lips. “It’s kinda endearing, though. If that makes you feel any better.”

Another rush of blood flooded Yuu’s cheeks; at this rate, he could soon pass as a traffic light and no one would spot the difference. “If you say so,” he mumbled sheepishly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear in an attempt to cover up his flustered state and distract himself from the hotness burning in his cheeks. How was it that this man always managed to abash him like that so effortlessly? Not only was it frustrating, but also downright humiliating.

Sticking out his chest proudly, Takanori smirked. “I do,” he said, voice dripping with confidence that left no room for any objections. “Does that mean we’re good?” he then asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

Yuu felt a sudden urge to taunt him as well flow through him, and his lips stretched into a smug grin. He leaned closer, fully oblivious to the fact that anyone could burst into his office at any given second (not that there were a lot of people left in the firm at that hour anyway), fixating his gaze on those delicious lips. “That depends,” he whispered, a shiver running down his spine as he watched Takanori bite down on his lower lip excitedly. “What would you do if I said no?” Feeling a rush of courage seep through him, he placed his hand on Takanori’s thigh, and ran his fingers along his leg longingly. “What would you do to try and make us good?”

A mischievous flicker flashed in Takanori’s eyes, and he licked his lips in thrilled anticipation. “Oh, you’re a shameless bastard, Yuu Shiroyama,” he breathed as his fingers started to slide up Yuu’s chest, leaving a hot trail beneath his shirt wherever they touched him. He tilted his head to bring his lips to Yuu’s ear, making him shiver as his breath caressed it softly. “Hmm, maybe I’d ask you to come home with me,” he whispered teasingly, and nibbled at his earlobe shortly. “And then, well,” Yuu uttered a surprised moan as Takanori pressed his hand against his crotch, palming it tantalizingly, “then I’d get on my knees and suck your big cock until you screamed my name.”

He squeezed his crotch, making him moan as his erection grew, his mind already wandering off to the mental image of Takanori kneeling before him, his beautiful lips engulfing his hard cock; his skilled tongue licking him and making him feel so many wonderful things. And even though he had started this little game, Yuu knew that Takanori was the one to win it.

“Fuck!” he breathed, an unrestrained desire swelling inside of him. He needed Takanori, he needed him to make him feel good, to just make him forget everything else and let go. He wanted Takanori, wanted him more than he had ever wanted anyone in his life.

Then and there on the black leather couch, with Takanori’s hand rubbing his erection shamelessly meanwhile his tongue started to lick his auricle, realization hit Yuu flat across the face.

He was addicted to Takanori.

And he would do whatever it took to get his fix.

“Sounds good,” he moaned, grabbing Takanori’s wrist to stop him from working his hard-on too much already. He really didn’t want to indulge in these kinds of activities in his office, his common sense still functioned well enough for him to not just screw everything and take Takanori right there on the couch, no matter how much he wanted to. Without letting go of the other’s wrist, he stood up and dragged him to his feet, more than eager to get out of this damned office as quickly as possible. “Let’s go then.”

The single case file remained forgotten on his desk as they hurried out of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't gotten to replying to the comments yet. This week's been a bit crazy and exhausting. I'll reply to them in the next few days. I do sincerely wanna thank everyone who's leaving comments, or kudos, and everyone who's reading this fic in general. ♥
> 
> PS: Is one update per week fine? Is it too much? Is it too little? Hahaha please let me know~


	12. Chapter 12

Digging his fingernails deeper into Yuu’s scalp, Takanori threw his head back and uttered a loud moan. In a haze of lust, he tilted his head to watch Yuu as his mouth released his nipple, exploring his heated skin with his tongue and licking his way down to his belly.

He cursed under his breath as his hardened cock throbbed painfully, but Yuu still refused to give it any attention, and Takanori was too busy tugging at his strands of hair and arching his back whenever Yuu’s teeth scraped over his skin to focus on taking care of it himself.

“Fucking bastard,” he moaned as Yuu bit down on his hipbone teasingly, arousing him even more. He was glad that he had apologized to him the other day, for now their arrangement was back on track, making him writhe under every touch, both wishing for Yuu to continue this thrilling foreplay as well as start fucking him already. Though he didn’t know how long he would be able to keep this up if he didn’t start to fuck him soon.

Takanori was addicted to sex, or more precisely, he was addicted to having sex with Yuu.

For not only was their sex exciting and passionate, but also because Yuu was the first person in a very long time to actually concern himself with giving and not just taking; he was the first man in a long time to actually pleasure Takanori as well instead of focusing on his own release. For the first time in months he didn’t just feel like some toy for other men to get themselves off on, before they tossed him aside like some useless trash afterwards.

And it felt fucking good.

What felt even better was Yuu’s tongue licking along the inside of his thigh, coaxing another moan from him, meanwhile his fingernails lightly scraped across his other leg. He gasped in arousal as Yuu bit down on his flesh, only to run the tip of his tongue along the bite mark seconds later in an almost apologetic manner. Not that Takanori needed any apologies from him; he didn’t mind some rough handling here and there during sex, the pain was as much a stimulant as tender touches or kisses could be.

“God, I adore your legs,” Yuu moaned against his thigh, before running his tongue along his other thigh hungrily. “It drives me crazy when you’re wearing these fucking tight pants.”

Takanori grinned smugly as he took in the growing erection of Yuu’s cock. Since he was of smaller built, he had always felt a tad self-conscious about his body, more than once envying Kouyou for his long, alluring legs. But having Yuu thirst over his legs so greedily filled him with a reassuring sense of confidence he so desperately needed.

He suppressed a moan as Yuu’s tongue came dangerously close to his crotch, stimulating him even more as it licked across the most sensitive skin of his inner thigh. “I know. Why do you think I wear them this often?” Yuu was the first one to obsess over his legs like that, but Takanori couldn’t deny that it turned him on how fervently he worshipped them, kissing and licking at his skin relentlessly.

“ _Fuck!”_ Takanori dug his teeth into his lower lip to bite back a moan as Yuu bit his thigh even more forcefully, obviously in order to punish him for always teasing him like crazy with his legs on display like that, clothed in nothing more than tight leather pants half the time.

Like he had today, before Yuu had ripped them off of him as soon as they had stumbled into his bedroom.

The next moan he was unable to hold in, when Yuu finally seized his throbbing erection and stroked it with determination. _Fucking finally,_ he wanted to say, but the words died on his tongue the moment he took notice of Yuu’s look. He was eyeing his cock with hesitance, before he licked his lips and lowered his head. “Yuu, wait!” Takanori pressed out in desperation, panic suddenly clawing at his heart.

_“Please, just this once!”_

Frozen, he lay still as Yuu ran his tongue along his erection tenderly, testing out the new territory he hadn’t treaded on himself before. Tears pricked at the corners of Takanori’s eyes, his cock throbbed lustfully, right before the mental image of Akira appeared in his mind, face twisted into a grimace of annoyance and resentment as a result of Takanori’s desperate pleas, and his heart tore in half. Yuu’s teeth nibbled at the tip of his cock, and a single tear escaped Takanori’s eye, streaming down his temple and silently dripping onto the pillow.

_“I told you a million times, I don’t do this kind of shit!”_

Takanori felt his erection go limp in a matter of seconds, and he let go of Yuu’s strands to grab his shoulders instead and shove him back. “ _I told you to stop!_ ” he yelled at him with a shaky voice, ignoring Yuu’s shocked and confused face as he crawled across the bed, swallowing down the pain and tears that were welling up inside of him. He got off the bed, grabbed his boxers and a plain shirt from one of the chairs and hurriedly left the bedroom, slamming the door on his way out.

He sprinted into the bathroom, where he locked the door before slipping into his clothes. He dropped to the floor and slumped against the door, pressing his palm against his chest as though he could somehow soothe his aching heart this way. The pain of rejection ripped at his heart and soul, causing him to pant heavily, and eventually utter a pained sob. It had always hurt so badly when Akira had rejected him like that. It had always hurt so badly when he had denied Takanori what he had craved so much.

A soft knock on the door caused his head to jerk up. “Takanori? Are you alright?” he heard Yuu ask, his concern-ridden voice got muffled through the wooden door. “Did I do something wrong? I-I’m sorry if I did, I didn’t mean to.”

He shook his head, oblivious to the fact that Yuu couldn’t see him. He hadn’t done anything wrong; it was him. He was the one who had screwed up. He was the one who was screwed up. Surely Yuu would tire of his weird antics soon and simply dump him for someone less troublesome. And then he would be stuck on his own again.

That thought frightened him more than he had anticipated, and he gasped for air as he felt a choking feeling in his throat.

“Do you want me to leave?” Yuu’s voice seemed even quieter than before, and he pictured him rubbing his neck helplessly like he always did. “I’m just gonna leave, then,” he muttered as Takanori didn’t answer him, and his body froze as he heard the sound of footsteps moving away from the door.

In a rush of sudden panic, Takanori jumped to his feet and opened the door hastily. “Wait!” he exclaimed, chasing after Yuu and grabbing his hand to keep him from getting any closer to the front door, not only surprising Yuu but himself as well with his rash action.

Yuu turned around, his eyes wary and questioning. “Please don’t leave,” Takanori whispered, trying his hardest to push down the agonizing feeling of rejection that was accompanied by that same haunting voice of crippling self-doubt in the back of his mind telling him how he wasn’t good enough. Telling him how he wasn’t anyone to be desired, to be loved. “I don’t want to be alone right now. Please don’t leave me alone,” he begged, tightening the grip around Yuu’s hand as though it was his life line. And right now, it very well might have been for he knew that he would lose his mind if he was left alone with his dark thoughts once again.

Last time had nearly destroyed him.

He wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

The confusion on Yuu’s face disappeared, and he nodded, a soft smile on his lips. “Alright,” he agreed. “I won’t leave you alone. I promise.” Hearing these words from his mouth dealt a huge blow to the panic in his body, and relief washed over Takanori. He didn’t have to spend yet another night alone and in misery, crying into his pillow and drowning in self-pity. This prospect even made him accept the fact that Yuu would see him in a distraught state yet again; at this point, he much preferred it to being completely alone.

Shyly, he pulled at Yuu’s hand, refusing to let go of it since the touch somehow helped ground him and push down his sadness, and he led him into the living room, where he switched on a small lamp to illuminate the room with a dim light. They sat down on the couch, and Takanori finally released his hand to wrap his arms around his knees. He felt guilty for having blown him off like that, and he knew deep down that he owed it to Yuu to explain himself, no matter how much he dreaded this conversation. But he couldn’t keep it in any longer, regardless of Yuu possibly regarding him as weak and pathetic.

He rocked his body back and forth slowly, gnawing at his lower lip. The way he kept treating Yuu truly wasn’t fair, because he always tried to make up or apologize for things he had no fault in, making Takanori feel even more worthless. “It wasn’t your fault,” he mumbled into his knees. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault… I-“ His voice broke off, and another tear escaped his eye, streaming down his cheek this time. Almost reflexively, his hand shot up to his face to wipe it away, and he sniveled.

He looked up in surprise when Yuu draped the woolen blanket that usually lay on the very end of the large couch over him, and only then realized that his body was shaking, partly from the cold and partly from his upset state. He wrapped it closely around his whole body like a safety blanket, feeling slightly better as the warmth surrounded him.

He tried to flash Yuu a grateful smile, but his lip started trembling as he attempted to, his mind returning to the incident between them and moreover, the reason why he had freaked out. It still hurt. After all this time, the rejection still hurt. As did the memory of Akira in general. “I-I’m sorry,” he breathed, not trusting his shaky voice not to break again if he raised it above a whisper. “It’s my ex, he…” He didn't dare to even look at Yuu, too embarrassed to gaze into his eyes while he told him his sob-story. “He always… told me how much he loved it when I, uhm… when I did that. W-when I… sucked him off. B-But he always refused to return the favor, you know? No matter how much I begged him to, he would always just…”

Takanori shook his head, new tears welling up inside of him. He had never even talked to Kouyou about this, had simply given up one day and had accepted the regular rejection that had come with asking Akira to at least once blow him in return. But he never had. “He kept telling me that he didn’t do that kind of stuff, so when you… it reminded me of him. Of what he would never do.” He felt even worse for admitting these things to Yuu, but he wanted – he needed – him to understand. Because he knew that Yuu was a good guy, he knew that he would understand, and that he would be considerate towards him in the future.

Because no matter what, Takanori wanted there to be a future, he wanted them to continue with their little arrangement because it made him feel less empty and broken on the inside whenever he spent time with Yuu; even if they spent most of that time fucking each other’s brains out.

“I’m sorry,” Yuu replied sympathetically, no trace of hurt ego evident in his voice over the fact that Takanori had thought about his ex while they had been intimate. “I can’t even imagine how much it must’ve hurt to get rejected like that over and over again.” He lifted his hand to caress Takanori’s back.

“It’s my own fault, isn’t it?” Takanori whispered. He couldn’t help but wonder whether Akira had refused his boy-toy as well, or whether he had regularly sucked that bastard’s cock. The thought left a taste of bile in his throat. “If I had been good enough, then maybe he would’ve wanted me.” At last, tears started to stream down his cheeks as the pain in his heart became too much to bear.

“Shhhh, no, don’t say something like that,” Yuu murmured, and he cradled Takanori’s face, lifting it up carefully so he looked at him. “This is certainly not your fault.”

Takanori pressed his lips together to swallow a sob; oh how he wished he could believe his words, accept them as the truth. But they weren’t. They couldn’t be. Because if it hadn’t been his fault, if he had been good enough as Yuu claimed, then why would Akira have ever done this to him?

“It has to be,” Takanori insisted. “Because if I had been good enough, he wouldn’t have fucked someone else, would he?” he sobbed, the pain still as agonizing as it had been the very moment he had walked in on them. He didn’t even realize that he had gone further with his explanation than he had first intended to, but at this point, he didn’t even care anymore. Yuu probably already thought of him as pathetic, so any added details couldn’t make it much worse anymore.

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock and he inhaled sharply. “He cheated on you?!” he asked incredulously, the puzzle pieces visibly falling into place in his mind.

“Yeah,” Takanori nodded depressed. “I’ve dedicated seven fucking years to this asshole, only to come home from a business trip early and catch him fucking his boy-toy on _our_ bed in _our_ apartment.” He suppressed another sob, feeling the weight of what happened be weirdly balanced out by the sense of liberation he felt for telling Yuu. And once he started talking, there was no stopping it, the words poured out of him like a gigantic fountain of water after a levee had been broken. “But that wasn’t even the worst part. Because even after I caught him in the act, he still wouldn’t stop lying to me. Instead, he… he told me how it had been an accident. How he hadn’t meant for it to happen. Until his boy-toy told me that they had been fucking for f-five months.” The tears were running down his cheeks incessantly at that point. “He found someone else to fuck because I wasn’t good enough, and then he lied to me for months. And the worst part about this is that even after all this bullshit, I just… I still can’t move on. And he still thinks he can fix us somehow, and I’m just… so tired.” He lowered his head onto his knees as silent sobs erupted from his throat.

“What a fucking asshole!!” Yuu cursed, which made Takanori look up with teary eyes. Anger flashed in his eyes, but instead of losing his temper like he expected him to do, Yuu did something he absolutely didn't anticipate at the sight of his tearstained face. He took a deep breath to get a hold of his wrath, wrapped his arm around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest.

Nuzzling into Yuu’s body, he let all of his pain spill out, sobbing and crying into his shirt.

All through yet another breakdown, Yuu simply held him close, rubbed his back soothingly, and even placed a kiss on the top of his head. “It’s not your fault,” he continuously whispered into his hair like he was comforting a child after some horrible incident. “Please don’t say things like you’re not good enough. That’s not true.” Yuu caressed the back of his head tenderly. “Your ex is the only one to blame. It’s not that you weren’t good enough, he was just too fucking stupid to realize what he’d got, so he went and screwed it up. God, I should’ve punched him after all.” He huffed angrily, reminding Takanori a lot of Kouyou with his protectiveness.

His last words actually made him utter a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and he felt himself calm down bit by bit at Yuu’s reassuring words. Quietly, he inhaled his pleasant scent of cologne and cigarettes that had an extremely comforting effect on him. Not forgetting the tight embrace he held him in; he felt oddly secure in Yuu’s presence.

“Ah, sorry,” he muttered, wiping his face dry with the corner of the blanket. “I didn’t mean to go all crybaby on you,” he laughed in embarrassment, sniveling once more. “I’m truly pathetic, ain’t I?” Now Yuu truly knew the full story, but at this point, Takanori didn’t even care anymore. He was long past the point of trying to play pretend in front of him, even at the risk of getting dumped.

Because he most certainly wasn’t going to convince him anymore that everything was alright in his life, no matter how much he tried to.

Yuu snorted in disagreement. “You’re not pathetic,” he objected in an almost heated tone of voice, as though he was offended by the mere thought. “And there’s nothing wrong with crying either. You’re simply human like everyone else.” He held Takanori at arm’s length, looking at him with a serious face. “Actually, I think you’re the opposite of pathetic,” he contemplated.

“How so?” He really wanted to believe the words Yuu said, but he simply didn’t know how to; his self-esteem had suffered too much at the hands of Akira’s actions.

“Hmm…” Absent-mindedly, Yuu tucked a strand of hair behind Takanori’s ear, who blushed involuntarily at the soft gesture. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through, because luckily, no one’s ever cheated on me. But despite how much that bastard hurt you, you still managed to get back on your feet. That ought to count for something, doesn’t it?” he asked gingerly.

Takanori shrugged wearily. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t have managed that without the help of my best friend, Kouyou.” Without him, he would have most likely ended up cooped up in his apartment all day and night, crying and feeling sorry for himself, instead of trying to reclaim his life – or what had been left of it.

Yuu shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Even better if your friend helped you, and you didn’t have to go through all that shit on your own, don’t you think? It doesn’t matter how you got here. The only thing that matters is that you’re here now.” His thumb stroked Takanori’s cheek gently, drying the last remainder of his tears. “I’ve never been in a relationship for more than a few months at best, and I’ve never been in love either. So I’m probably the last person to try and tell you anything about this,” he laughed sheepishly before his expression got serious again, “but I can only imagine that moving on from a relationship as long as yours takes a lot of time. It won’t happen overnight, and you shouldn’t feel bad for still not being over him. Please don’t be so harsh on yourself.”

Completely in awe, Takanori looked at him. He hadn’t expected this kind of reasonable approach from the hot-headed Yuu Shiroyama, and he sure as hell hadn’t expected to be met with so much understanding and support, either. He had feared that Yuu would simply call it quits, and leave his sorry ass, but instead he had agreed to stay and listen to his whining, and on top of that, tried his best to comfort him. And it was working.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for listening. For being here for me,” he whispered, before he stared at Yuu’s tearstained shirt and bit down on his lip. “I’m sorry, though. I got your shirt all wet.”

An amused smile spread on Yuu’s face. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll survive. The most important thing is that you’re feeling better.”

Blushing at his last words, Takanori wracked his brains about something to retort to him. Something to make him feel less awkward. “And I totally ruined the mood,” he pressed on eventually, still feeling the urge to apologize for something, _anything_ really. “I’m sorry.”

Yuu tugged at Takanori’s earring gently. “Who’s the dummy now?” he asked with a slightly teasing voice. “Don’t be. I always want you to tell me if I’m doing something you don’t want me to. I’m the one who should apologize.” He blushed in shame. “I should’ve stopped sooner, I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Takanori laughed silently, a wave of relief washing over him. “Well, it was pretty obvious that you weren’t thinking. At least not with your head.” He wriggled his eyebrow meaningfully, a faint smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. It astonished him how quickly he found back to his teasing self with Yuu, and how quickly he had calmed down in the other’s presence. Not even Kouyou was able to make him feel better this fast when he was trapped in one of his gloomy moods. Maybe Yuu was some kind of a wizard in secret, and he ought to ask him in which house he belonged (Takanori was alternating between either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, for Yuu was both temperamental and intelligent). On second thought, however, he probably ought to just keep his mouth shut and not give him the impression that he had finally snapped completely.

“Oi!” Yuu exclaimed, but otherwise remained silent, and simply blushed instead, thereby confirming that Takanori had hit the mark spot-on.

“I’m just taunting,” he giggled, feeling as though the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders, or more accurately, his heart. Feeling a tad awkward about their unusual situation, which he had caused, he tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, looking around the living room with embarrassment. He wasn’t really in the mood to give their little play of passion another go tonight, but he also didn’t want Yuu to leave yet. “Uhm, do you maybe… wanna watch a movie or something?” he asked tentatively before he could change his mind and just say nothing at all, which would ultimately end up with Yuu leaving.

Surprise flashed across Yuu’s face, who clearly hadn’t anticipated this turn of events, and Takanori was almost certain that he would refuse his offer and simply go home. Instead, he rubbed his neck in that endearing, shy manner. “Sure, I’d love to.”

Joy flooded him at not being rejected, and eagerly, Takanori grabbed the remote to switch on the TV. They zapped through the channels at random, until he finally managed to convince Yuu to watch a horror movie on Netflix instead; although the way in which his face paled at the word ‘horror’ left Takanori mildly concerned, and secretly made him doubt their decision.

And indeed, Yuu spent the better part of the movie flinching at the simplest jump scares, or groaning when suspenseful moments got too unbearable for him. Takanori thought it oddly cute, however, when he grabbed his hand instinctively at a particularly terrible jump scare, refusing to let go for the rest of the movie; or at least until Takanori drifted off to sleep due to the exhaustion from his emotional turmoil, unwittingly lowering his head on Yuu’s shoulder while their hands maintained their joined grip.

 

 

Woken by the sunlight, Takanori found himself in his bed, not recalling how he had gotten there. The last thing he remembered was watching a movie with Yuu, whom he had discovered to be a most adorable scaredy-cat when it came to horror movies, and who had held his hand for at least a third of the movie.

Blushing at the memory, he turned around to look at the other half of the bed, but his heart dropped to his stomach as he was met with the empty space besides him. Had Yuu carried him all the way to his bed after he had apparently fallen asleep on the couch during the movie, and then driven home at such an ungodly hour?

Still feeling disappointed that he had seemingly abandoned him (although he truly couldn’t blame Yuu if he had), he crawled out of bed and scuffed into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Afterwards, he dragged his feet into the kitchen to make himself some coffee, not bothering to dress properly, and decided to check on the condition of the living room while the coffee brewer slowly got to work.

Baffled, he came to a halt as his gaze fell on the sleeping figure on the couch, and the disappointment evaporated into thin air. Tiptoeing, he approached the couch to glance at Yuu, who was fast asleep, covered with nothing more than the woolen blanket.

Sighing, Takanori squatted next to the couch, and pulled the blanket which only covered half of Yuu’s torso over his shoulder. “You could’ve at least used the spare bedclothes from my room, dummy,” he scolded his sleeping frame, now more than thankful that he had opted to brew a bit more coffee than usual. After all, he knew how grumpy Yuu normally was before his first sip of coffee in the morning.

He gazed at his peaceful face, and watched him sleep absent-mindedly for a while. A strand of dark long hair was dangling softly in front of his face and fluttered at his even breathing. Hesitantly, Takanori reached for his face, and tucked it behind his ear, still unable to avert his eyes from Yuu’s gorgeous face. He owed him so much for last night alone, and Takanori didn’t know how to ever pay him back for what he had done for him, because simply repaying him with sexual deeds seemed weirdly insufficient to him. Guilt mixed with the gratitude he felt, and he started gnawing at his lower lip again, a bad habit he had picked up years ago and simply couldn’t get rid of.

He still couldn’t believe that Yuu hadn’t abandoned him, that he had stayed the night to comfort him, that he had tried his best to lift his spirits up without thinking about himself for a single second. He got hit with the feeling again that he wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t deserve someone as kind and caring as Yuu, but at the same time he was too selfish to let go; Yuu would tire of him eventually, but until then he wanted to make sure to savor every minute of their acquaintance.

Still not knowing how to properly thank him, he lowered his head before he knew what he was doing, and pressed his lips against Yuu’s hesitantly, giving him a most gentle kiss. This was all he could think of right now, all he could do to express his gratitude, even though Yuu wouldn’t notice any of it. But he failed to come up with any other way to thank him for staying the night instead of running screaming from him after he had cried his heart out in front of him. He stood, ready to trot back into the kitchen to check on the coffee and wait for Yuu to awake from his deep slumber, but halted to glance at his sleeping face for another moment. (Takanori thought there to be a striking resemblance between Yuu and Sleeping Beauty.)

While he stood there and watched Yuu sleep, he swore one thing to himself. One thing to never do again. From now on, he wouldn’t cry anymore, no matter what.

He was done shedding tears over Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. 100 kudos. I can't believe it, you guys. This makes me so extremely happy. I want to thank all of you again from the bottom of my heart. ♥
> 
> I've decided to take updates up a notch on weeks I'm not too swamped with work, so you guys might be getting 2 chaps per week every now and then.


	13. Chapter 13

“Well, guess that’s over with,” Yuu groaned as he and Takanori stepped out of the court house into the mild sunlight. The rays of sunshine felt most pleasant on his face, dampening the chilling autumn air. He really wasn’t looking forward to the winter seasons, and the maddening stress Christmas would bring with. Although December wouldn’t be here for another two-and-a-half months. Still, it was already freezing enough, and he truly could go without even colder weather.

Takanori seemed to enjoy the scarce rays of sunlight as well. He sighed, closing his eyes to take in the warmth of the sun. “Hmm,” he muttered, yawning contently.

Yuu watched him thoughtfully, realizing once more that he had seemed to be more balanced the last few days since their talk. Since he had told him the story about his ex. He still felt like punching this Akira-guy, especially after he had finally experienced the whole extent of damage that bastard had done to Takanori – particularly to his self-worth. But he knew that that wouldn’t fix anything, and the last thing Takanori needed in his life was more drama. Unless it was work-related, like their newest hearing had been.

As though he could read his mind, Takanori sighed again. “That was a load of bullshit,” he huffed, and Yuu nodded in agreement. The accusatorial side had consisted of some third-rate lawyer who had pulled the most absurd lines of argumentation out of his ass in order to get his client’s ridiculous charges through. Not the first one who went after a gigantic company in the hopes of earning a few million Yen on the side, only to be crushed like an insect.

Yuu grunted at the thought of yet another ridiculous prosecution that had somehow ended up in court again. “I’ll never understand how people can think their dumb plans will actually succeed,” he said, shaking his head. “They all keep pulling the same shit, and then they end up whining when they fall on their stupid asses.” It wasn’t that he lacked compassion in general like some of his fellow lawyers, he just refused to be sympathetic with people that didn’t know how to use their brains. They all ultimately ended up on the side of the road like roadkill because they thought their schemes for petty revenge due to being fired ‘unfairly’, or their simple greed for money would get them anywhere grand and golden. Anywhere else but the figurative gutter.

“Because people are dumb, just like you said,” Takanori chuckled as they made their way to the parking lot. “Nice work, though,” he complimented Yuu, then glanced around to check whether anyone was in earshot. “It seriously turned me on so much how you wiped the floor with that poor excuse of a lawyer,” he purred, caressing his chest lasciviously. “I was about to drag you out of that hearing into the bathroom and just let you fuck me hard right then and there.” He bit down on his lower lip thirstily.

Blushing furiously, Yuu pushed past him, trying his best to ignore the heat welling up in his body as well as his pants that became uncomfortably tight at Takanori’s words. “Not here,” he hissed over his shoulder in embarrassment, quickly glancing around to make sure that nobody had heard or seen them. The nearest person, however, was at least thirty feet away, so after a second of hesitation, he added, “I’ll fuck you hard tonight if you ask nicely.”

A mischievous glint flickered in Takanori’s eyes, and he started to jog in order to catch up with Yuu. “If you think I’m gonna beg for it, you’re barking up the wrong tree. The first part sounds nice, though,” he grinned smugly, giving off the impression that he knew exactly which strings he had to pull to make Yuu the one to give in to him, and not the other way around.

Unfortunately, he was right.

If he wanted to, he could make Yuu bend to his will, no matter how much he hated to admit it. In the end, he was just too addicted to him to pass up the opportunity of having sex with him over some petty fight for dominance.

“How about some lunch then instead?” Takanori asked as they reached the car. “I’m actually starving for once.”

Hand on the door handle, Yuu froze. “Ah shit,” he cursed, causing Takanori to eye him curiously across the car top. “I’m meeting with my friend for lunch today,” he explained. “I totally forgot that we were out for the hearing.” He rubbed his forehead in annoyance, pissed at himself that he had forgotten this detail in his planning.

Takanori’s face dropped, and just like a few nights ago, he looked like a kicked puppy, tugging at Yuu’s heartstrings painfully. “Ah, I see,” he mumbled, obviously trying his hardest to cover up his disappointment. It wasn’t the first time one of them suggested they had lunch together, but it was the first time one of them practically declined. “Never mind, then.” Takanori gnawed at his bottom lip, looking hurt no matter how much he tried to hide it in front of Yuu. He had never been good with hiding these kinds of feelings from him to begin with. Yuu didn’t fully understand it himself, but he guessed he had just picked up on his little tells very quickly; like him gnawing at his lower lip when he was feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed.

“You can just, uhm, drop me off at the firm then, or something.”

Yuu mulled it over for a moment, and then smiled encouragingly. “You know what? Why don’t you just come with?” he suggested as he opened the door, and stowed his briefcase away behind the seat before dropping onto the driver’s seat. “I’m sure Yutaka won’t mind!” It wasn’t as much a lunch date as it was Yuu going to Yutaka’s family restaurant and getting some food on his own while Yutaka kept him company (because he was technically on shift) and they chatted about trivialities. And since Yutaka was a very cheery person, Yuu was sure that he wouldn’t mind if Takanori tagged along.

“You sure about this? I don’t wanna intrude,” Takanori interjected wary, taking his place on the passenger’s seat.

Starting the engine, Yuu flashed him another smile, adamant on wiping away Takanori’s hesitancy. His pleading voice still rang in Yuu’s ears, begging him not to leave him alone. And though Takanori didn’t look like he was about to break down and cry, Yuu would still feel guilty for the rest of the day if he simply dropped him off somewhere to spend his lunch by himself. Especially since he had been the one to forget about his lunch appointment with Yutaka.

“Yeah, it’s fine! Come to think of it, you truly need to try some of his food, he’s the best chef I’ve ever known.” Just thinking about Yutaka’s cooking skills made his mouth water. “Don’t tell him I said that, though,” he joked, while he pulled out of the parking lot. “His ego’s big enough as it is.”

Takanori looked at him incredulously. “I can’t believe you just said that,” he remarked dead serious, which caused Yuu to frown in confusion. When he saw his quizzical expression, however, Takanori started to giggle. “Sorry, it’s just hard to wrap my head around the fact that the guy with the biggest ego I’ve ever met says something like that,” he explained with a wide grin.

Though Yuu was happy to see that Takanori’s mood had increased again, he still felt slightly offended by his words, no matter how true they were. “Huh? Whose ego do you call big?” he pouted, his nose twitched in indignation.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, pretty boy,” Takanori retorted, trying to tease him further.

Yuu widened his eyes in mock surprise. “You think I’m pretty?” he said, before he vividly recalled one of their first conversations, where Takanori had called him pretty for the first time, and he blushed involuntarily at the memory. Though back then, he wouldn’t have even dreamt about the direction their relationship would end up taking; sometimes it was still hard for him to grasp, even now.

“No, _you_ think you’re pretty.”

Snorting in disbelief, Yuu deepened his pout. “What’s wrong with being confident about my looks?” His looks were pretty much the only thing he felt confident about in the first place; in his profession, he considered himself to be mediocre at best, and his love life looked even worse. Granted, he only had started spending that kind of time with the right sex a few weeks ago, but that didn’t keep him from feeling like a failure. After all, it had taken him years of fear and denial to even admit the truth to himself. And now, he was too much of a coward to entrust said truth to his best friend, let alone his family; not that he was eager to tell his father the truth anyway, with the way he had talked about Takanori. Yuu hadn’t even known that his father seemed to despise homosexuals like that, which didn’t make things any easier for him. His father would probably threaten to disown him if he ever found out.

Takanori uttered a laugh. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it,” he replied with an amused grin. “I was just stating a fact.” He shrugged nonchalantly as though they were discussing the weather and not the size of Yuu’s ego. At least they weren’t discussing the size of his dick (not that there was a problem with its size or anything, on the contrary, he was pretty happy with it, and Takanori always seemed to be extremely satisfied with his size as well).

“For the record then,” Yuu found himself speak before he could stop the words from leaving his foolish mouth. “If we’re stating facts right now, then let me tell you that I don’t think I’m the only pretty person in this car. Just so you know.” He couldn’t keep himself from blushing as he voiced the things that always went through his mind as soon as he saw Takanori. It was merely the truth, and though he might not have meant much to him, he still hoped that at least his words would. Because recalling how lowly Takanori thought of himself broke his heart.

Glancing at him, he caught the gleam of happiness in his eyes, before Takanori’s cheeks lit up as well. “Oh shut up,” he murmured embarrassedly, and reached for the radio to turn up the volume in an attempt to prevent any further elaborations on that topic.

Yuu didn’t mind, though, and simply enjoyed Takanori quietly humming along to whichever songs came on, relishing in the thought that he had managed to make him blush.

 

 

When they entered the restaurant, Yuu felt a sudden surge of nervousness rush through him for no reason. Somehow, suddenly he doubted whether it had truly been such a smart idea to bring Takanori along; not that he minded his company, but he somehow feared that Yutaka would be able to tell something was going on between the two of them, although they acted perfectly normal around other people. Except for the fact that they might have been a bit closer than was normal for two people that had only known each other for roughly a month, he thought there to be no suspicious behavior between the two of them.

And still, he couldn’t help the irrational anxiety that it might have been noticeable after all. But it was too late to turn back now, so Yuu took a deep breath and led Takanori to his regular table, watching one of the waitresses hurry into the kitchen to notify Yutaka of their arrival. They took seats opposite of each other, and in his nervousness, Yuu pulled his pack of cigarettes out. “Do you mind?” he asked Takanori, though he had never minded before when he had smoked in his presence during lunch.

And yet again, Takanori shook his head, looking around the public room curiously; taking in the dark, modern furnishings as well as the big paintings that decorated the walls, which were painted in a dark, warm yellow tone. “Looks cozy,” he contemplated, all the while Yuu lit one of his cigarettes, and deeply inhaled the smoke, feeling his body slowly loosen up.

Cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, he nodded, before noticing a familiar figure approaching their table. One menu in hand, Yutaka neared their position, a curious smile on his lips. “Welcome!” he addressed Takanori with a charming smile, thereby handing him the menu. “Sorry, I hope you won’t mind if a simple cook hands you that, I just wasn’t prepared that Yuu’d have company.” Then, he turned around to him. “Yo, old man!” he greeted him as well, his smile shifting to a big grin.

 “What do you mean, ‘old man’?” Yuu huffed, more than salty about the term. “I’m only a year older than you, bastard.”

Yutaka only grinned, however, and pulled a chair from one of the neighboring tables close to sit down at the top of the table. As usual, he was still wearing his apron.

Yuu rolled his eyes, tapping the ash of his cigarette into the ashtray, and cleared his throat. “Anyway, sorry I didn’t inform you beforehand, this was kinda spontaneous,” he explained. “Uhm, Yutaka, this is Takanori Matsumoto. Takanori, this is Yutaka Tanabe, my best friend and major pain in the ass,” he introduced them.

At the name, Yutaka raised an eyebrow in surprise, but remained silent otherwise. He faced Takanori again, flashing him another bright smile. “Nice to meet you!” he said cheerfully. “You’re from that other law firm, right? Hope this idiot doesn’t give you too much of a hard time, he can be a handful sometimes,” he chuckled shamelessly.

“Oh, I know he can,” Takanori agreed, also flashing a grin, though Yuu was the only one who noticed the mischievous glint in his eyes, and caught the suggestiveness of his words. It made him want to kick Takanori’s shin beneath the table.

“But he’s tame most of the time.” Another one of those suggestive looks.

_Fucking hell._ Yuu blushed vigorously. If this continued on, he would mimic a tomato by the end of their lunch. “Wow,” he uttered in a hurtful tone to gloss over his embarrassed state. “Two against one, really? You guys have no shame whatsoever. Thanks a lot.”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t like being the center of attention,” Yutaka retorted, causing Takanori to cough in order to try and swallow his laughter. “Though I gotta admit, when I heard you brought company, I truly hoped you would finally introduce me to your new girlfriend.” Yutaka tilted his head to the side, scrutinizing Yuu with his dark eyes.

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat at his words, and his mouth became dry, meanwhile Takanori buried his nose in his menu, acting as though the topic was of no interest to him. Yuu, however, felt his body tense again, and he took another drag of his cigarette. “Are you still blabbing on about that shit? I already told you I’m not seeing a woman,” he objected, weirdly intent on telling Yutaka at least a half-truth. He wasn’t seeing a woman, after all, but he certainly didn’t feel the need to reveal to his best friend that he was banging the blonde guy on his right side on a regular basis.

Yutaka shrugged indifferently, but Yuu knew that he wasn’t going to drop the topic anytime soon. Not unless he told him the truth, and no way in hell would that happen in the near future. He was still too much of a coward to do it, too afraid that Yutaka would end up rejecting him.

“Whatever you say,” Yutaka hummed.

“Damn straight.” He filled his lungs with smoke, and exhaled through the nose. “Do you mind getting back to the kitchen? Please?” he whined subsequently as his stomach growled. “I’m starving.” Due to his nervousness, he hadn’t even realized beforehand how hungry he actually was.

Rolling his eyes, Yutaka rose from his seat. “Only because you ask so nicely.”  He grinned again, unscathed by Yuu’s gloomy attitude once more. “What are you guys having?”

“I’ll take Shrimp Teriyaki and a Coke,” Yuu muttered, stubbing out his cigarette. He looked at Takanori questioningly. “Have you decided yet? Or do you need a bit more time?” he asked patiently, not wanting to rush him into ordering his food in such a short amount of time. After all, he always took his sweet time as well when he was eating anywhere else but here. In contrast to other restaurants, however, he knew the menu of Yutaka’s restaurant by heart.

Takanori shook his head. “I’ll have the Nabeyaki Udon and a glass of water, please.” He closed the menu and handed it back to Yutaka with a polite smile.

“Alright,” he beamed, and left the table with a content hum.

“So,” Takanori started once they were on their own, voice hushed so no one else would overhear their conversation. Even though the restaurant was arranged in such a way that every table had its own little bubble of privacy, with small pots of Bamboo separating them from each other. “You still haven’t told him, hm?”

Yuu looked at him sheepishly, unable to do much more but shrug abashedly. Denying it was pretty futile at this point, and he didn’t feel like lying to Takanori anyway. Though he did feel uncomfortable. What did he possibly think of his cowardly behavior?

“I’m not judging you,” he added softly.

Yuu stared at his fingernails instead of looking at him, and sighed. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “I don’t know why I’m so scared to tell him. I just… I can’t. Not yet. God, I’m such a fucking coward.” It didn’t help that in his fear, he kept brushing Yutaka off like an asshole, because his friend truly didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. No matter the fact that he didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest. “Instead, I just keep snapping at him whenever he brings up the topic. Guess I’m the worst best friend in the history of best friends. I shouldn’t even call myself that.”

They fell into silence as the waitress brought them their drinks, and Takanori nipped on his water absent-mindedly until she left again. “You know, someone,” he glanced at Yuu meaningfully, “told me a few days ago how I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself,” he mused.

“Really?” Yuu murmured, still sullen at this whole mess of a situation. “I’d like to meet him, he sounds like a pretty smart guy.” He reached for his Coke, but only opted for swirling the soft drink in its glass instead of taking an actual sip.

Takanori uttered a faint laugh. “He has his moments,” he chuckled. “Though he can be a big moron as well.”

Yuu raised his head to look at him, words failing him completely at the teasing insult; he wasn’t really offended by it, more bummed out by how accurate it was. He was a big moron alright.

“Joking aside,” Takanori continued, “You should really listen to your own advice and stop being so hard on yourself. Coming to terms with your true self takes time as well, and particularly telling someone else about it. I’m sorry for bringing this up again, your friend just seems like a really nice guy.” Takanori nodded his head towards the kitchen door.

He didn’t feel angry about Takanori bringing it up, he was only pissed for being such a coward. And he knew that he only meant well, and that he would honor their agreement and never tell any of Yuu’s acquaintances about his sexuality. Oddly enough, it hadn’t bothered him in the slightest when he had revealed himself to Akira. But he guessed those were two entirely different things, for he was almost certain that he wouldn’t see Akira again anytime soon. At least that was what he hoped, because he truly didn’t know how he would react if he saw that bastard’s face again.

“He is,” Yuu agreed glumly. “I just suck, that’s all.”

“No, you don’t,” Takanori protested stubbornly, pulling his red lips into a most adorable pout that caused Yuu’s heart to skip yet another beat, although this time for entirely different reasons than his anxiety. He looked far too sexy with his damn pout, and his black-and-white suit he had also worn when they had first met if Yuu remembered correctly, though his memories from that day were more than a bit foggy. “Say something like you suck again, and I won’t be the one doing any kind of sucking tonight,” he threatened in a low voice, a sly smile on his face.

Blushing at the mental image of Takanori with his cock between his lips, Yuu inhaled sharply as his blood started to rush downwards. “I’ll shut up, then,” he murmured, not willing to risk passing on that kind of utmost pleasure; all of a sudden, he didn’t feel hungry at all anymore, for his body was filled with another kind of hunger. He truly didn’t know how to wait until tonight to finally devour Takanori – the rest of the day would be a real torture.

Yuu cleared his throat, cheeks still burning from the images in his mind, and decided to change the topic until their meals arrived.

 

 

“No way,” Takanori giggled, chiming in with Yutaka’s laughter. He looked at Yuu, who sulked in silence, shoving the last shrimp into his mouth. Ever since Yutaka had joined them when their food had been ready, he had told Takanori one embarrassing story after the other about Yuu, making him want to get swallowed by the ground beneath him. At this point, his cheeks were burning incessantly with shame, and he had told him more than once to cut it out, but Yutaka had simply flipped him off and commenced to share the abhorrent stories.

Yutaka wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, and took a deep breath to calm his laughter. “I’m not kidding you,” he laughed. “You should’ve seen Yuu’s face, it was hilarious. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.”

“Ha ha,” Yuu intervened humorlessly, a deep frown on his forehead. “So I freaked out when that girl kissed me, so what?” he grunted. “In my defense, I was eleven. Any guy would’ve freaked out at that age.” Though now that he thought back, he wondered whether that had been the true reason why he had reacted so shocked when his classmate had given him his first kiss. At what age did people start to develop their sexualities, anyway?

He didn’t know, just like he didn’t know when exactly he had started to feel off, to first question himself, to first question his sexuality. But he could not recall, no matter how much he tried to, because he had always been in such denial about being gay.

“Yeah, but you’re different,” Yutaka scratched the back of his head. “You still freak out today when a cute girl approaches you, don’t you? One would think a handsome fella like yourself would be more confident than that, am I right?” he asked, facing Takanori with yet another one of his wide grins.

Takanori pressed his fist against his lips in a futile attempt to stifle his laughter, and Yuu had to think back to their conversation about his looks on the way here. “Totally,” Takanori agreed, making Yuu groan in annoyance. He truly couldn’t believe how quickly those two had hit it off, and now bonded over mocking him together. They appeared like two friends who had known each other for years, and not like two strangers who had met only an hour ago. Though his mood brightened instantly when he realized that he hadn’t seen Takanori laugh this much before.

So he just huffed in defeat, and continued to let those two conspire against him.

Yutaka leaned to the side to make room for the waitress, who took away their empty plates. “Seriously, it’s like he’s allergic to cute girls,” he pondered, giving Yuu a once-over, who blushed embarrassedly. How long would he have to put up with this? “Or is it because they’re prettier than you?” he teased with a grin. “But wouldn’t any guy be happy if the girl was prettier than himself? You agree with me, don’t you?” He looked at Takanori quizzically.

Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind his ear, Takanori laughed timidly. “Well, I wouldn’t really know,” he admitted, rubbing his forehead thoughtfully. “Women aren’t really my area of expertise.”

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock simultaneously to Yutaka’s widening in surprise. Had Takanori really just said these words out loud? Without hesitation, without so much as a second thought? Yuu bit his tongue in dreadful anticipation of Yutaka’s reaction, unable to speak up, unable to breathe properly.

“Oh,” Yutaka mouthed, and for a moment he looked clueless, which made Yuu wonder whether he had truly understood what Takanori had implied with his words, and he didn’t know whether he should be relieved or disappointed about it. “I’m sorry,” Yutaka finally uttered after a brief moment of silence, a serious expression on his face for the first time today. “I didn’t know. I hope I didn’t offend you, or pressure you or anything,” he lowered his head in an apologetic manner.

Takanori simply smiled in response, astonishing Yuu even more; he truly admired him for being this laid back about his sexuality, especially when it came to talking about it. “It’s alright,” he assured Yutaka kindly. “I don’t mind. Otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything.” He glanced at Yuu ever so briefly, who wasn’t entirely sure whether Takanori’s look was meant to insinuate what he himself was incapable of doing, or whether he simply meant to check on him.

Yutaka nodded slowly, his relief almost palpable in the air around them. “I’m glad. It would’ve been a real shame if I had angered you, because you’re more than welcome to come again.”

“Oh, I’d love to!”

“Oi, did anyone care to ask me?” Yuu grunted, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a pout. “Maybe I won’t let you come with me next time if all you guys do is mock me and gossip about me. I’ve got my pride, you know?”

Raising an eyebrow, Takanori eyed him with amusement. “Do you now?” he asked, the ever so subtle hidden meaning in his words only clear to Yuu, who blushed yet again at the innuendo aimed at him.

The worst part about this was that Takanori had hit the nail right on the head with his words; no matter how proud Yuu pretended to be, he was nothing but a slut when it came to Takanori and the things they did behind closed doors. He would gladly throw trivial things such as his pride overboard if he demanded it of him, as long as things didn’t get too humiliating and as long as it ensured that Yuu got what he desired.

Though he wasn’t talking about sexual deeds in this very moment, and he truly hoped Yutaka was too oblivious to notice the implication in Takanori’s remark.

“Maybe I’d like to come here without you next time,” he hit back at Yuu.

“Maybe you’d also like to walk back to the firm,” he shot back in order to tease him, narrowing his eyes at him provocatively.

Takanori stuck his tongue out, unimpressed by his attempt of an intimidating stare. “Maybe I should. I bet I’d be faster by foot than your slow ass. Where did you learn how to drive, gramps, in a retirement home?”

Yuu glared at him indignantly, not believing the things he had just heard. He was by no means a slow driver, and furthermore, Takanori was only a year younger than him as well. Why did everyone assume it was okay to taunt him about his age as though he was about to turn into a fossil?

The sharp reply on the tip of his tongue got cut off by Yutaka’s vibrant laughter. “For the love of God, stop it, you two. You guys sounds like an old married couple.” He dissolved into chuckles, all the while Yuu first paled, and then blushed crimson. Perhaps it was truly time to stop with their banter, at least in public. It was simply too easy to forget himself when he was around Takanori. Almost frightening so.

“We should head back to the firm anyway,” he murmured after glancing at the clock on his phone. He emptied his Coke, and stowed away his pack of cigarettes in his jacket. He took out his wallet to pay for his meal, much to Yutaka’s dismay; but he simply refused to be a freeloader just because they had been friends for so long, no matter how often Yutaka protested about it. However, Yuu had been able to convince him to accept his money, and in return had agreed to one free meal per month.

Takanori followed suit, though apparently, he just had to have the last word while he rummaged through his wallet. “Does that mean you’ll give me a ride after all?” he inquired, that damn smug smile on his lips again that Yuu would have loved to wipe away somehow – preferably with a rough, demanding kiss.

“Only if you shut up now,” Yuu groaned, then turned to Yutaka to say goodbye. His best friend was still giggling and grinning, being his usual, cheerful and endearing self.

Instead of retorting with yet another smart remark, Takanori simply saw to saying goodbye as well, promising Yutaka to come back soon, and telling him how delicious his food had been, which caused him to beam even more, until he rivaled the sun outside.

They took their leave, and Yuu happily breathed in the chilly air outside, feeling the rest of his tension subside at the fresh air. This lunch had been more nerve-wrecking than he had anticipated, and a few times he had dreaded a heart attack. He honestly still couldn’t imagine telling Yutaka the truth, though he had reacted in a somewhat orderly fashion to Takanori’s sexuality, and it made Yuu feel even worse about himself. Yutaka truly deserved better than this.

“Your friend’s a nice guy,” Takanori noted as though he had been able to read Yuu’s thoughts again.

“Hmm,” Yuu simply hummed, feeling too drained to come up with much more. He was craving another cigarette already, but he decided to push down his cravings until they were back at the company, for he didn’t want to make Takanori sit through yet another one of his cigarette breaks.

“I don’t think you need to worry,” Takanori pressed on, his tone careful as though he was treading on thin ice that was about to crack under his weight at any minute. Yuu looked at him questioningly, not sure what he was referring to. Takanori shrugged, pulling out his cellphone to check the state of his lipstick in his reflection on the display. “About telling him, I mean.”

Yuu, who had pulled out the car keys to unlock the door, halted in his movement to throw a wary glance his way. Maybe Takanori was right, maybe he did worry over nothing. Maybe one day he would finally grow a pair and be honest with his best friend. But ‘maybe’ was such a big word that made Yuu feel like nothing more than a small, frightened boy. Frightened about that other side of the coin of ‘maybe’. Because no matter how slim that possibility seemed to be, it was still ever-present in the back of his mind, keeping that little boy from growing into a man.

Because _maybe_ Takanori was wrong for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I‘m currently not at home and don’t have my laptop with, so sadly I couldn’t get to the replies for all your lovely comments yet.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone for their incredible support. It's still so overwhelming and I'm so, so grateful to everyone! ♥
> 
> A special THANK YOU goes to Kiki for creating the most beautiful moodboard for the first chapter. I still don't know how to properly thank you, aghhh. Nobody's ever gone through the effort to do something like this for me (and any of my stories).  
> Check it out, you guys. T-T

[» moodboard «](https://taka-chan.tumblr.com/post/179250586310/yuus-disappointment-at-the-lack-of-lips-pressed)

 

If Yuu were to choose between having that lunch appointment with Takanori and Yutaka again, or be headed towards his father’s office right now, he would gladly endure the first option a second time. Because he dreaded nothing as much as being summoned to his father’s office without any official reason to be there. This could only mean something bad was about to happen. Again.

Plus, if he thought about it, then that lunch date hadn’t gone all that awful the other day. There might have been a few moments when his heart had threatened to give up, and he had had to sit through quite a bunch of jokes and embarrassing stories at his expenses. But overall, everything had went rather smoothly. Not only had Yutaka and Takanori gotten along swimmingly, but he had also been able to make Takanori genuinely laugh and enjoy himself. All the while Yutaka still didn’t suspect anything. So yes, he would take another one of these lunch dates over any meeting with his father any day.

“What’s taken you so long?” his father snapped at him the moment he entered the office. He was seated behind his massive glass desk, a huge stack of files scattered across the table top. Apparently, he was still looking through each and every single one of Matsumoto’s clients scrupulously to spot any potential threat to his reputation. In Yuu’s opinion, he was highly exaggerating, but what Yuu thought didn’t matter anyway. So he just kept his mouth shut, and stayed out of that whole merge-business.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Why was it so hard for his father to talk to him like a normal person for once? He could have given him a billion explanations as to why he was ‘too late’, but he knew that he didn’t give a flying fuck. No matter how good his reasons might have been. “What did you want to talk about?” he said instead, ignoring his father’s remark entirely.

His father looked at him angrily, obviously having expected an apology. But Yuu truly didn’t bother with something like that anymore. If he started to apologize for every little thing his father disagreed with, he might as well have apologized for being born in the first place. Since his father so obviously didn’t approve of a single thing he did. He watched him dig through the files on his desk until he found the one he was looking for, before he rose from his office chair, and rounded the table. “Here,” he pressed out in an aggressive tone, the file outstretched to Yuu, who glanced at it questioningly. Was his father handing him another one of these last-minute cases? If he was, Yuu was going to throw that damned case file right back in his face.

“What’s this?” Cautiously, he took the file, still glancing at his father, and waited for further explanations.

However, his father only snorted disapprovingly. “Don’t ask stupid questions and just take a look at it!” he demanded.

At a loss for words, Yuu shook his head and simply did as he was told, opening the cover without knowing what to expect. Confused, he stared at the picture of a young woman. Beneath her picture, there was some sort of résumé enclosed, and Yuu skimmed it briefly. Then, he turned to the next page, only to be met with a picture of another woman, and yet another résumé below. He skipped through the file, but all it contained were more résumés of young, beautiful women that seemed to be in no relation to one another. And though some of them stood in relation to big companies, he could not find a single information about those companies in the file, which confused him even more. “What am I looking at?” he asked his father impatiently, annoyed with the lack of context he had gotten thus far.

“What do you think? What’s it look like, huh?!” his father barked at him in a loud voice, which seemed completely unnecessary to Yuu. He had asked him a normal question that truly didn’t call for such a rough response.

“Sorry that I’m not a clairvoyant,” Yuu shot back sourly. “So would you please enlighten me?!”

His father snorted incredulously at his sassy response, but Yuu didn’t give a damn whether he angered him with the way he behaved around him. If his father wasn’t able to treat him like a normal human being, like his actual son, then he would do a damn to show him some respect. He had done that when he had been younger, but it had gotten him nowhere. So when Yuu had gotten older, he had simply given up and started to rebel against his father in any way he could think of. One of those had been to grow his hair out until it became as long as it was now. He didn’t look like an unkempt savage as his father always claimed, and actually received compliments for his looks and his long hair on a regular basis, so he couldn’t care less about his father’s contempt. Furthermore, he simply liked to spite him in this passive-aggressive way as much as he could. He didn’t even care whether goading him on the regular like that was a good idea. Maybe he would have been more affable if his father didn’t choose to yell at him on a daily basis. As he did yet again, when Yuu had only asked him a simple question.

“Your future wife, of course,” he snarled at him.

 _“My what now?”_ Yuu hissed, unable to believe his ears.

“God, are you really that dull?!” his father shouted, at the brink of another fit of rage. “Very well then, I’m gonna make it as simple as possible for you. You are going to marry one of these women.” Eyes burning with anger, he pointed at the file in Yuu’s hand.

Yuu’s mouth fell open and his gaze wandered back and forth between his father and the file he was holding. “Like hell I am!” he exclaimed as a mixture of disbelief and anxiety mingled into a combustible mix in his stomach. What the fuck was his father thinking? He had threatened to find a wife for him once before, but he had written it off as an idle threat. Hadn’t bought into his father’s words for a single second. Though now that he thought about it, maybe he shouldn’t have taken his words so lightly. Because the only thing that really mattered to his father was his pristine reputation. And he was afraid that Yuu was going ruin it if he didn’t find himself a premium trophy wife. However, Yuu would rather die than marry someone out of some stupid false sense of obligation – he would never let his father ruin his life like that. _“Over my dead body!”_

Growling like a bulldog, his father threw his hands up in the air. “You goddamn brat!!” he spouted, spewing saliva everywhere in his wrath; Yuu grimaced in disgust. “I have given you everything! A roof over your head. An education. I even paid for you to go to university and allowed you to work in my firm. And this’s how you repay me, you ungrateful _twit!?_ I was even generous to let you choose your future wife on your own. And this’s how you thank me?! You’ll do as I say and marry one of these women, or you’ll be for the high jump, you hear me?!” By now, his father’s face was distorted in an expression of blind rage. The same blind rage Yuu felt swelling up inside of him.

“You’ve given me everything, my ass!” he yelled back, feeling as though his anger was boiling him alive on the inside. He truly couldn’t believe his father’s words, which were nothing but ridiculous nonsense to him. “All my life, you’ve treated me like utter shit for no reason, and yet you pretend like you’re father of the year! Don’t make me fucking laugh!” He felt his hands trembling with anger, and clenched his fists, creasing the file in his hand in the process. He couldn’t care less about it. Even if his father knew that he was gay, he would still be hell-bent on forcing him into an arranged marriage. Given he didn’t disown him altogether. Not that he would ever let it get to that. “You can just go _fuck yourself!!_ ” With that, he threw the file to the ground, watching the papers and photos scatter all across the floor with satisfaction.

“YOU THANKLESS BASTARD!!”

Yuu gasped in shock as his father’s fist collided with his jaw, jerking his head to the side all the while a burning wave of pain shot through his face. He panted heavily, feeling his lower lip in a daze, and stared at the blood on his fingertips in disbelief. No matter how often they had gotten into an argument, and no matter how violent and aggressive it had gotten at some points, his father had never hit him before. Not a single time. Not that his verbal abuse had been any less painful. But still, the shock of what his father had just done impacted him even more. “ _Go to hell!”_ he hissed, before he turned on his heels and stormed out of the office.  
  
* * *  
  
With a defeated sigh, Takanori switched off the TV, and stared at his phone for the umpteenth time. _No new messages._ He knew how ridiculous his behavior was. After all, Yuu and he weren’t dating or anything. But not even the fact that Yuu wasn’t his boyfriend managed to calm him down or make him worry less. And he worried about him. A lot. He hadn’t seen him ever since Yuu had set off to meet with his father. He had only heard from other employees that he had rushed out of the building after yet another deafening argument with him. Ever since, he hadn’t heard from him, and Yuu hadn’t replied to any of his texts either. So obviously, Yuu wasn’t fine. Consequently, Takanori couldn’t help but worry about him.

The doorbell yanked him out of his thoughts, and with a confused frown, he rose from his couch. It was well past 11pm, who in the Devil’s name dropped by this late at night unannounced? He grimaced as the thought that it might be Akira again crossed his mind, and shrugged it off as quickly as he could. If this truly was Akira, he was going to give him hell. Warily, Takanori opened the front door a bit until it stood ajar, peeking into the hallway. When he was met with Yuu’s face, he blinked in surprise and opened the door fully. “Yuu? What are you doing here at this hour?” he asked, concern audible in his voice. He normally didn’t drop by unannounced, and they hadn’t agreed to meet tonight, since Yuu had left the office so unexpectedly.

“’nooori!” Yuu entered his apartment with a wide grin, and Takanori was hit with the smell of booze. He watched with concern as Yuu struggled to get out of his shoes. He quickly rushed to his side when he swayed so much he lost balance and threatened to topple over.

Feeling Yuu cling to him for support, Takanori looked him over worriedly. He inhaled sharply when he noticed his split bottom lip, which unsettled him even more than his inebriated state. “Oi, what happened?” he asked softly, running his thumb over the wound tentatively. Yuu didn’t seem to feel anything at this point anymore. He just continued to giggle and clasp his arm tightly. “Yuu, what’s going on? Why are you drunk?”

Yuu’s eyes were out of focus, and his grin seemed distorted. “Hmm, you’re so pretty,” he mumbled, and he patted Takanori’s cheek clumsily, who in the meantime blushed at Yuu’s words. “You’re the prettiest man I’ve ever seen.” Yuu grinned again, leaning forward to give him a kiss. Embarrassedly, Takanori turned his head, so Yuu kissed his cheek instead of his lips.

“What are you doing?” he laughed sheepishly, a tad overwhelmed by Yuu’s drunken antics. Granted, he was a pretty cute drunk, now that Takanori considered it. That didn’t stop him from worrying, though, for something seemed to be extremely wrong with him. “Why did you drink so much?” he repeated his question.

Instead of providing him with an answer, Yuu buried his face in the crook of Takanori’s neck, and sighed contently. “There was a man at the club, ya know?” he began, slurring his words so much it was hard for Takanori to make out what he was saying. “I think he tried to hit on me.” Another giggle erupted from his throat, all the while a slight wave of panic flooded Takanori. He should have expected something like this. He should have known that Yuu was popular, for how breathtakingly beautiful he was. “But I told him to get lost,” Yuu breathed, and Takanori gasped in surprise as he felt his teeth nibble at the sensitive skin of his nape. “Because I’m not interested in, hm… anyone but you. I don’t wanna, hm… sleep with anyone but you,” Yuu hawed, then hiccupped adorably. “I know we’re only casa-“ He huffed in frustration as he stumbled on his words. “I know we’re only casual, but it felt like cheating on you. And I would never cheat on you like that… like that Akira-bastard.” This time, he bit down on Takanori’s skin lightly. “Never ever.”

Takanori frowned, trying his best to blank out the shivers that ran down his spine at Yuu’s flattering words and his affectionate actions. “How do you know his name?” he asked warily, deciding to concentrate on the last part of his speech. He couldn’t recall telling Yuu Akira’s name. He had only ever referred to him by the term ‘my ex’.

“Hm?” Yuu raised his head to look at him. “I saw his name on your screen-thingy when he tried to call you once,” he muttered, then started to tug at Takanori’s shirt. “What’s it matter?” His voice was almost whiny, and Takanori sighed as Yuu’s fingers slid underneath his shirt to caress his stomach greedily.

His sweet words and fervent touches managed to overshadow the sting he felt at the thought of Akira. And since he really didn’t want to deal with his heartache yet again, Takanori focused on Yuu’s hands instead. But no matter how adorable Yuu’s intoxicated state was, and no matter how much he craved him as well, he refused to take advantage of his unstable condition. Just like Yuu had done after his breakdown. So, much to his own dismay, he grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands from beneath his shirt. “It doesn’t matter,” Takanori assured him, feeling the same disappointment he saw displayed on Yuu’s face. But what he truly needed right now was sleep, not sex. So Takanori took him by the hand, and started to pull him towards his bedroom. He knew that Yuu wouldn’t give in that fast with his attempts to seduce Takanori, and if he didn’t come up with a ruse soon, they would surely end up having sex. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he preyed upon Yuu like that in his messed up situation. “Come on, then,” he coaxed him into following him, and Yuu started to giggle again, this time in anticipation.

Takanori tried his hardest to remain calm and unaffected as he steered him towards the bed, where he shoved him cautiously until Yuu dropped down onto the mattress. He watched him hungrily as Takanori fumbled with the zipper of his pants, and pulled them off, thereby revealing Yuu’s unmissable hard-on. He licked his lips at the rush of pity that coursed through his body, and placed the pants at the foot of the bed. It was too bad that he had decided to be a decent person for once rather than just take what he desired. He leaned over Yuu’s lying figure to undo the upper buttons of his shirt. He crunched his nose at the smell of alcohol in his breath, and pressed a light kiss to Yuu’s lips to fool him into a feeling of reassurance that he would get what he longed for. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered seductively, then trotted out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to fetch a glass of cold water.

Yuu was still in the same position when he came back, the only difference being the grumpy expression on his face that only lit up when he saw Takanori return. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and watched in amusement as Yuu groaned tiredly. He was obviously struggling to keep his eyes open now that he was in a horizontal position, totally oblivious to all other needs than sleep by now. “Here, drink this,” he appealed to him; he placed his hand underneath Yuu’s head to support it, and held the glass to his lips. Obediently, Yuu emptied the glass, only to drop back onto the pillow with a yawn. Immediately, his eyes fell shut. “Good boy,” Takanori laughed, and placed the glass on the nightstand before he draped the blanket over Yuu’s body and got back up again.

Surprised, he looked down at Yuu when he grabbed his wrist to keep him from leaving. “Stay with me,” Yuu whispered, his voice laced with exhaustion. “Don’t go. I want you to stay.” He tightened the grip on his wrist to underline the urgency of his request.

“I’ll be right back,” Takanori promised yet again, patting Yuu’s hand gently until he loosened his grip.

He didn’t even realize how much he hurried to brush his teeth and wash up, as well as change into one of his plain shirts he always used for sleeping. He switched off the lights in his apartment, and when he returned to the bedroom this time, Yuu seemed to be fast asleep already. He switched off the lights in his bedroom as well before sliding underneath the covers.

He gasped dumbfounded as he felt Yuu scoop over to him in order to rest his head on top of his chest. Apparently, the alcohol hadn’t done him in completely yet. “Why does he despise me so much?” he asked quietly, and Takanori heard him snivel. Unable to tell Yuu off for snuggling up to him, he simply remained silent. He started to stroke his hair in a calming manner, until he heard Yuu’s breath even out as he finally fell asleep.

 

 

The next morning, Yuu got woken up by someone shaking him lightly, as a tender voice spoke to him. “Hey, sleepy-head. Wake up for a second.”

He blinked his eyes open, only to be greeted by a sharp pain in his forehead, and grunted, “Oh fuck.” Baffled, he looked into Takanori’s face, which sported a gentle smile. He didn’t exactly recall how he had gotten here. He only remembered getting totally shitfaced after his argument with his father. The recollection of what happened filled him with yet another wave of loathing and self-pity. He still couldn’t understand what he had ever done to his father for him to despise him so openly. “Uhm, did I… did I cause you any trouble?” he asked cautiously before another pang of pain shot through his head. “Ugh.” He pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead as though this gesture would somehow ease his throbbing headache. He felt like a freight-train was continuously moving inside his head, rattling his brain to the core.

“No, don’t worry about it,” Takanori assured him softly, then stretched his hand out. “Here, take this. It’s a painkiller to ease your hangover.”

Yuu somehow managed to push himself into a sitting position, only to be overwhelmed by a feeling of nausea, and he groaned again. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have drunk this much,” he murmured ashamedly. He took the painkiller from Takanori, and gulped it down with the help of some water that he also offered him. He drained the whole glass, desperately trying to wash away the taste of alcohol on his tongue as well as the nausea. Defeated, he slumped against the headrest.

Takanori looked at him with a worried expression that made his heart flutter. “Why did you, then?” he asked hesitantly as though he was afraid that his question would anger him. When Yuu remained silent, he sighed. “What did your father do this time?”

To avoid Takanori’s eyes, Yuu stared out of the window instead, absent-mindedly watching a single cloud push itself along the clear blue sky in slow-motion. “He told me to marry some random woman.” His voice was but a mere whisper. “He honestly thinks he can decide some bullshit like that over my head, and arrange a fucking marriage because he’s always been _so fucking generous,_ ” he snorted dryly. “And when I told him to fuck off, he… he just-” His voice broke.

“He punched you?” Takanori completed his sentence quietly. Yuu simply nodded, not trusting his voice to work properly. Although Takanori knew of his troubles with his father, they had never actually gone into detail about his dysfunctional relationship with him. Most of the time, they talked about all kinds of things; their hobbies, their interests. They simply talked about anything and everything, and it was the easiest thing in the world. But they had never touched on the sensitive subject of his issues with his father. Just like they had never talked about Takanori’s issues before he had told Yuu about them a few days ago. It wasn’t that Yuu inherently minded to talk about serious things like that with him. Until now they had simply avoided talking about them in order to respect each other’s privacy.

And Yuu knew that he always had a choice with Takanori. He could tell him to fuck off if he so much as wanted it. Takanori would never probe him for explanations, he would never pressure him into talking about things he didn’t want to talk about. Just like Yuu had never requested an explanation from him either. Now, however, he felt the urge to confide in him, because Takanori had a most strange talent of calming him with his presence alone. “He just… pissed me off so much. He acted as though I owed him _everything_ , when all he’s ever given me is nothing but rejection and dismissal. And then he expected me to _get down on my knees and kiss his feet_ , because he was oh so generous in letting me choose which one of the women he picked out I wanted to marry. Isn’t he just the fucking sweetest?” It hurt. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that he didn’t give a shit, it still hurt every time his father dismissed him like that and talked down on him.

He closed his eyes when he got dizzy again, and took a deep breath. Afterwards, he finally found the courage to look at Takanori, although he felt more than pathetic for the things he told him, and for the way he let his father always treat him.

“I know it’s none of my business,” Takanori began thoughtfully. “But why are you still putting up with his shit? Why haven’t you left by now?”

Yuu huffed, and ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. “I wish I knew,” he whispered. He had always told himself that he was doing it for his mother. He loved her dearly, and she always emphasized how proud she was that he followed in his father’s footsteps. That he had worked so hard to become a respectable lawyer. But deep down, he was nothing more than a coward. “I don’t think I’m good enough to make it elsewhere,” he finally admitted, not only to Takanori but to himself. “I’m not a natural, as people would say. Being a lawyer didn’t come easy for me. I just don’t think anyone else would take me. Not that my father would let me go, anyway. As far as I remember, he’s always tried to control me. And he surely wouldn’t let me ruin his precious reputation by leaving, now would he?” He snuffled audibly, and uttered a humorless laugh in a futile attempt to cover up his distraught state.

“Don’t say something like that,” Takanori pleaded, taking Yuu by surprise as he took his hand. “You’re a great lawyer, you hear me? I bet a lot of law firms would be overjoyed to have you. Seriously, screw your father. He’s nothing but a gigantic asshole, who thinks he has the right to decide over your life and who thinks he can treat you any way he likes.” He squeezed his hand gingerly. “I know it’s hard, but don’t let him have this kind of power over you. You deserve better.”

“Thank you.” Yuu blushed at his words, meanwhile his heart had begun to race in his chest. He would have never imagined that he would meet someone like Takanori; strong and fierce, and yet surprisingly caring and gentle deep down. How had he gotten this lucky? “And thank you for letting me crash here last night,” he added with embarrassment. He always stayed the night after a round of sex, so it wasn’t unusual for him to sleep over. But he simply didn’t want Takanori to think that he took what he had done for him for granted.

Takanori flashed him a warm smile, a smile that made his heart skip a beat, and squeezed his hand again. Then, he glanced across the bed to his own nightstand to check his alarm clock. “I tell you what. Why don’t you take the day off? Get some more rest and sleep off that hangover of yours. Just make yourself at home here,” he offered, still smiling. “There’s plenty of food in the fridge. Feel free to take a shower as well, or whatever else you need.” Much to his disappointment, Takanori let go of his hand to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind his ear. “I’m having lunch with my dad today. So I could talk to him about a switch. I’ve been at your company for a month now, why don’t you come over to work at our firm for a while? So you can get away from your father for a bit, and just think about your options? That’s been the plan from the beginning, after all, right? That the both of us check out each other’s firms before a possible merge. I can talk to my dad about it later if you want.”

Speechless, Yuu simply stared at him in awe. He hadn’t even thought about this possibility, had completely lost sight of it over the course of the month. But now that he mulled it over in his battered brain, it was far too tempting to not accept Takanori’s offer. Getting away from his father sure sounded nice. “Yeah, that’d be great,” he agreed before he could make up his mind, and give in to any anxious thoughts that might have tried to convince him otherwise. First and foremost, he would probably act as an onlooker like Takanori had at their firm, only helping out with things every now and then. His skills as a lawyer wouldn’t be questioned, so it would surely be alright. “Are you sure about me staying here, though? I really don’t mean to cause you any more trouble than I already have,” he mused abashedly. Bad enough that he had popped up on Takanori’s doorstep all plastered in the first place.

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Takanori laughed, and got up from the bed. “I left some more painkillers on the kitchen counter,” he informed Yuu. “I’m heading out now, but I’ll check in on you later, alright? Make sure to get some rest.”

Sinking back into the pillows, Yuu hummed in the affirmative. He was so goddamn tired, all he wanted to do was sleep for the rest of the year. “Thanks, Nori,” he mumbled one more time, before exhaustion pulled him back into dreamland.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *spoilers/warning* kinky smut ahead lol *runs away in embarrassment*

They had been halfway across the parking lot of the restaurant when it started to rain pitchforks. Cursing, Takanori and Yuu simultaneously sped up their pace, and sprinted to the car; though no matter how much they hurried to get to the vehicle, they were fully drenched within seconds.

“Fucking hell!” Takanori exclaimed as he dropped down onto the passenger’s seat, his clothes soaked completely. The weather forecast had predicted a clear sky with only a few single clouds here and there come evening, which was why he hadn’t bothered with sliding into his jacket for the short distance from the car to the restaurant. Now, he deeply regretted this foolish decision as his body shivered from the cold, while he wished the weatherman to hell. He wrapped himself in his jacket, and fired up the seat heater, yet, neither managed to lessen the quivers of his freezing body.

He looked at Yuu, who groaned in frustration. “Great.” His state wasn’t much better, even though he was wearing his jacket, and with wet fingers, he turned up the heating. His long hair stuck to both sides of his face, and Takanori watched him run his fingers through his hair to clear the strands off of it. His trembling fingers grabbed the steering wheel, before he glanced at him. “You alright?” he asked, raising his voice against the heavy rain that mercilessly pounded against the car.

Leaning his head against the headrest, Takanori sighed. “I will be as soon as I’ve gotten a nice hot shower,” he murmured. They had met up with one of Matsumotos’ clients, and decided to have dinner at a nearby restaurant afterwards. It had been quite pleasant – until a few seconds ago, when the rain had begun to pour down as though there was no tomorrow. “Just get us somewhere dry and warm, please.”

Instead of answering him, Yuu simply pulled out of the parking space. Takanori closed his eyes, and they fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the way. They had agreed to leave Takanori’s car at the firm. They would most certainly spend the night together, and it was far more convenient to take one car than have to worry about the second one. Plus, with the ever-growing gas prices, it was by far the smarter choice to take only one car anyway. Luckily, Yuu didn’t seem to mind as much as he would have at his father’s law firm. In general, he was coming off as much more relaxed the last three days he had spent at the Matsumotos’ firm. For instance, he didn’t suffer a near heart attack as soon as they were spotted together anymore. All in all, the change seemed to do him some real good.

 

 

“Where are we?” Takanori asked with a frown as Yuu pulled into an unfamiliar parking garage.

“Uhm…” Yuu rubbed his neck sheepishly, but continued to maneuver the car through the underground carpark with determination. He looked as though he knew exactly where he was going. “We’re, uhm, at my place,” he explained, causing Takanori’s eyes to widen in surprise. “It’s just… well, my place was closer, so I figured, uhm…” Yuu shrugged. “Sorry, I should’ve probably asked you first, but you looked like you were going all Captain America on me any second.” He bit his lower lip in embarrassment, looking utterly adorable. Even if Takanori had been pissed at Yuu’s obstinate decision (which he wasn’t), he was too damn cute to be mad at him in any way.

Instead, he simply snorted in amusement. “Oh, please,” he responded, pulling his jacket around his shivering torso more tightly. “I’m way too hot to become Captain Igloo two-point-o.” Not hot enough to warm up his freezing body, unfortunately though. But he truly didn’t mind Yuu’s forward decision. He didn’t really care where he spent the night, as long as he got his hot shower. Moreover, he had never been to Yuu’s place before, so he couldn’t help the rush of excitement flooding through him at the thought that he was finally about to see where he lived.

Yuu smiled brightly, making his heart flutter at the sincere joy upon his face; not only was he happy that he had caught his reference, but also because he didn’t seem angry at all. “I’m not gonna argue with that,” he laughed, and they got out of the car. “But still, I don’t wanna push our luck, so how about we get you into that shower as fast as possible?” His expression beamed with an unwitting innocence. The suggestiveness of his own words was completely lost on him; not on Takanori, however. Tugging at his lower lip with his teeth in thrilled anticipation, he silently followed Yuu into the hallway and to the staircase.

 

He instantly felt at home in Yuu’s apartment. It seemed to be a bit smaller than his own, and the most striking difference was the small kitchenette in a niche of the spacious living room, which radiated a feeling of comfort and security with its big comfy-looking leather couch. The shelves were filled with lots and lots of CDs, movies, as well as video games and books. It reminded him a lot of Kouyou’s place, which might have been one of the main reasons why he felt so comfortable as soon as he entered the place. In addition to the visual resemblance to his best friend’s apartment, it smelled nice; a mix of leather, cologne and cigarettes. It smelled like Yuu. “I like it,” he commented, which made Yuu’s smile even brighter.

“Thanks!” he hummed, then motioned Takanori to follow him. They entered the bathroom, and he watched silently as Yuu dug through one of the cabinets. He pulled out a large, white towel, and handed it to him. “You can just drop your clothes in that laundry basket, I’ll hang them up later to dry.” He pointed at the empty basket on top of the washing machine, before frowning. “Uhm, hang on a sec. I’ll get you something to change into. Though my clothes probably won’t fit you.”

Takanori didn’t even get out a thanks as quickly as Yuu darted out of the bathroom, and he shook his head with a smile. The thought of wearing Yuu’s clothes, however, made his heart skip a beat. Trying his hardest to ignore that illogical reaction of his body, he began to take off his jewelry, and placed each piece on one of the low shelves next to the sink.

“Here!” Yuu reentered the bathroom, placing the change of clothes next to the laundry basket on the washing machine. “I hope they somewhat fit. I do apologize, though, they’re not as fashionable as your clothes.” He flashed him a regretful smile.

“They’ll do,” he retorted, and started to unbutton his shirt. At the sight, Yuu blushed, and quickly looked away as to not stare at him. Takanori rolled his eyes in amusement at his silly antics. They had seen each other naked a whole bunch of times, after all, so Yuu’s reaction was a tad ridiculous, however, oddly endearing and gentlemanly.

“I’ll, uhm, get out of your hair, then,” he stammered, about to remove himself from the bathroom, but he halted in surprise when Takanori grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled him closer.

He gave him a cocky smile, then licked his lips lasciviously. “Where do you think you’re going?” he whispered, before he let go of Yuu’s shirt to get back to undressing. “The shower’s big enough for the two of us. So I don’t see why you’d have to wait for me to finish showering, and maybe turn into Captain Igloo yourself in the process.” He blatantly stripped in front of Yuu, whose cheeks changed into an even darker red. He still tried to avoid looking at him, but at least he didn’t try to leave the bathroom anymore. On the contrary, he seemed to be frozen on the spot, much to Takanori’s glee. He dumped his wet clothes in the laundry basket, then looked at Yuu, his eyebrow cocked in amusement. “We’re not getting anywhere that way,” he purred, hooking his index finger in the brim of Yuu’s shirt to pull him closer. However, he didn’t feel like undressing Yuu – he wanted the other to take him up on his invitation on his own volition, out of his own need. “Hurry up,” he whispered, tugging at the hem of his shirt greedily. Then, he turned around and stepped into the shower, where he turned on the hot water and sighed as his body began to unwind at the warmth.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds until Yuu joined him, finally completely naked, but still blushing crimson. A triumphant smile appeared on Takanori’s face, and he traced drops of water that were running down Yuu’s chest with his fingertips, thereby thirstily biting down on his lower lip. Oh how he loved the way Yuu’s body reacted to his touch, for the goosebumps on his arms certainly didn’t stem from the cold this time. With a content snicker, he leant forward to replace his fingers with his tongue, which chased after a drop of water across Yuu’s collarbone over his chest until it reached his nipple. Yuu uttered a moan as his tongue circled around the bud, and Takanori felt it harden under the tip of his tongue, meanwhile Yuu grabbed ahold of his hips, pressing their crotches together. Takanori bit down on his nipple upon the impact that sent desirous shivers down his spine, only to feel Yuu’s hardening cock rub against his own growing erection. No matter how frequently they had sex, they couldn’t seem to get enough of each other, and their bodies always reacted almost instantaneously as soon as they started to get down to business. Still, half the time they took their sweet time to indulge in all kinds of torturous foreplay, which only riled them up even more. Though Takanori doubted that he would last long this time. Because having Yuu’s naked body press against his this closely made the blood rush down at abnormal speed, driving him mad with want.

He wanted to turn his attention to his other nipple, however, he was stopped by Yuu’s fingers that seized his chin and lifted his head up, so he could smash his lips against Takanori’s with adamant determination. More than willingly, he returned the kiss, wasting no time in shoving his tongue across Yuu’s lips in search for his tongue. They united in a heated play that made him dizzy until he didn’t even notice the water anymore that fell down onto their bodies. The warmth of the water couldn’t compete with the heat covering every inch of his body as passion flooded him on the inside. Quiet moans escaped their lips as they engaged in passionate kisses, nibbling, tugging and biting at each other’s lips whenever their tongues let go of each other for a brief second. When Takanori couldn’t take the longing pulsation in his hardened cock anymore, he tilted his head and gasped for air. Totally unfazed, Yuu started to kiss and bite his neck instead, causing a throbbing pain to shot through his erection. “Touch me,” he moaned, digging his fingernails into the skin of Yuu’s shoulders.

Yuu only grunted in response, before he wrapped his slim fingers around Takanori’s cock, and squeezed it tightly, all the while he continued to attack his neck with his teeth and lips. Takanori closed his eyes and let out a moan, gasping as Yuu pressed the fingernail of his thumb against the tip of his cock. “Oh, God!” he breathed, entangling his fingers with Yuu’s hair for better support. He managed to coax a loud moan from Yuu as he pressed his hard-on against his cock, which was equally as hard. “More!” he commanded impatiently, thereby tugging at the strands of wet hair to emphasize his request.

“You’re fucking greedy,” Yuu murmured against his neck. But he obediently started to run his hand along Takanori’s length repeatedly, making him quiver and writhe at each touch and squeeze, leaving him with an insatiable want for more.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy it,” he retorted huskily, feeling the unmistakable sensation of Yuu’s swelling cock pressed against his hipbone. He moaned without restraint as Yuu’s fingernails scrapped across the sensitive skin of his cock lightly. Getting hit with another wave of unbridled lust almost too much to bear, he shoved his index and middle finger into his mouth to cover them with saliva. He tugged at Yuu’s hair to make him lift his head up and look at him. He painted a teasing trail with his fingernail from his chest downward until he had reached his hipbone. Then, he pushed the first digit inside of himself, slightly wincing at the intrusion. Yuu, who had watched him meticulously, and whose quizzical expression had changed into one of pure arousal, let go of Takanori’s cock. Instead, he started to stroke his own pulsing erection at the sight of him preparing himself. His eyes darkened with lust, and they hungrily devoured Takanori, all the while he continued to work his own erection.

“God, you’re so fucking hot,” Yuu moaned, every trace of shyness completely vanished from his body as though the hot water had washed it off of him. However, he was always like this; shy and hesitant at first, with his confidence increasing quickly as soon as things got heated between them. It was an oddly endearing character trait of his that turned Takanori on even more.

Spurred on by Yuu’s reaction, he added the second finger, and uttered a deliberate moan as he repeatedly thrust into his entrance with his fingers, scissoring them to stretch himself. “You’ll see how hot I am in just a second.” He lifted his head to let the water run across his face, gasping as his fingertip brushed against his sensitive spot. He couldn’t take this any longer, the need was tearing him apart. He refrained from using a third finger, and instead pulled his fingers out of his entrance that protested at the sudden emptiness. He craved for Yuu to fill him up as soon as possible, not sparing his lackluster preparation a second thought. After all, he wasn’t some unexperienced virgin anymore, but had been getting fucked by other men for over ten years now – he knew how to handle some cock.

He turned around and bent forward, gripping the faucet for support. Yuu seized his hips and brought the tip of his cock against his entrance, causing Takanori to quiver in anticipation. However, he seemed to have noticed the unusually short amount of time he had spent preparing himself, and hesitated. With a frustrated sigh, Takanori glanced over his shoulder, where he was met with Yuu’s doubtful expression, teeth tugging at his lower lip. “Stop staring at my ass and start fucking me already!” he hissed confidently, grinding his ass against Yuu’s crotch, which coaxed an unrestrained moan from him. After another second of hesitancy, he tightened the hold on his hips, and slowly pushed inside of him, halting as soon as Takanori gasped painfully at the intrusion. “Just keep going,” he panted, gritting his teeth together and trying his hardest to ignore the pain. He had experienced worse, like that one time when his first boyfriend had tried to fuck him without any form of lubrication. It certainly wouldn’t take his body long to get accustomed to Yuu’s cock once it was fully buried inside of him.

As soon as his body got used to Yuu, he relaxed noticeably, giving him an unspoken sign of affirmation. He wasted no time and began moving inside of him cautiously. Steadily, he increased the pace and force of his thrusts, all the while trying his best not to touch his most sensitive spot yet in order to torture Takanori even more. It had him alternate between moaning and huffing in frustration while he gripped the faucet ever so tightly. “Fucking bastard!” he spit out in agitation, before he contracted his muscles around Yuu’s cock, causing him to gasp loudly at the increased pressure on his hard cock.

 _That’s what you get,_ he wanted to add, but moaned instead as Yuu seized his throbbing erection and resumed working his cock with force and determination. “ _Oh God!_ ” Takanori exclaimed as his head started spinning, and if it hadn’t been for Yuu’s hand on his hip and his grip on the faucet, he would have surely lost balance and toppled over. His knees became weak as the pressure in his cock grew unbearably. “That…. hgnnnn… all you got?” he pressed out, constricting his muscles again to tease Yuu in return.

In response, Yuu pulled out completely, only to thrust into him again with full force, sliding his full length in and hitting Takanori’s sweet spot dead-on. He was unable to hold in the scream of pleasure which slipped across his lips, and he threw his head back, eyes closed as Yuu thrust into him over and over again. He penetrated his most sensitive spot repeatedly all the while stroking his by now leaking erection relentlessly. He felt Yuu’s tongue glide across his shoulder blade, where it drew a wet trail over his skin all the way to his collarbone. He sunk his teeth into Takanori’s shoulder, which caused him to shiver in ecstasy. His bite would surely leave a mark, and the thought only aroused him more.

He opened his eyes, but closed them again immediately as he was met with his blurry vision, and moaned again when he felt his release nearing at rapid speed. Each of Yuu’s thrusts and strokes were driving him closer to the edge. Until a final brush against his sensitive spot pushed him over, and every muscle in his body contracted as his orgasm washed over him. He felt Yuu cum inside of him only seconds later, and their bodies slumped against each other in exhaustion, giving each other much needed support.

“Fuck,” Yuu muttered against his shoulder, then pressed his lips against the bite mark in an apologetic manner; he could be quite rough during sex, but would always apologize for each and every treatment that got too passionate in some way or the other. Most of the times, he tried to soothe any upset parts of Takanori’s skin with tender touches or kisses. Takanori didn’t mind either way. He didn’t really care about a few bruises here and there after sex, but at the same time he knew to appreciate these soft gestures and had learned to indulge him in order to calm down the other’s remorse for ‘hurting’ him in his passion. It was something he had never expected from Yuu at first, yet he had gotten used to it incredibly fast.

“You okay?” Yuu asked as he slowly pulled out of him.

He turned around, and nodded reassuringly. His cheeks burned with heat, and Yuu’s didn’t seem to be in a much better state, for they were dyed in a dark shade of red. The corners of Takanori’s mouth stretched into a content grin. “Thanks for warming me up.”

The red on Yuu’s cheeks turned even darker.

 

“Uh-uh. No. I refuse!” Yuu’s mouth warped into a pout, and he tugged at the big blanket that was spread across both of them, trying to snatch the TV remote from Takanori. After they had finished up with the more mundane parts of taking a shower, they had made themselves comfortable on the big black leather couch. Luckily, the sweatpants Takanori was dressed in had got a drawstring cord, or otherwise they would have slipped right off his slim hips. And though the sleeves of the black hoodie Yuu had lent him were about an inch too long, it was extremely comfortable and kept him cozy and warm. So besides the unfortunate events that had led him to borrow some of Yuu’s clothes, there wasn’t really much to complain about. At least on his part. Yuu on the other hand, was far from pleased. “I’m not watching one of those stupid horror movies with you again. Forget it!”

Now it was Takanori’s turn to pout. “Come on, Yuu. Please! It’s not that bad,” he fibbed, clutching the remote tightly and pressing it against his chest. Well, he wasn’t exactly lying – Ju-On surely had its creepy moments, but there were rarely any scenes that qualified as jump scares, which, Takanori knew, were Yuu’s biggest no-no. “There’s even a kid in it! It’s truly not as bad as you think it is. Just give it a try, please!” He couldn’t help it; he was a horror-movie-fanatic, he loved these movies more than anything. Sadly, no one he knew shared his love for horror and ghost stories, so most of the time, he was stuck watching them by himself. Which was fine, but it was far more entertaining to watch them with someone else, especially if that someone was a scaredy-cat like Yuu. It had been rather amusing to observe him while they had watched the last horror movie together. “I’ll even let you hold my hand if you get scared,” he half teased, half baited him.

Yuu puffed his cheeks out all flustered, but that didn’t keep Takanori from noticing the red tinge on his face. “Nice try. Kids in horror movies are the fucking worst,” he protested with a whiny voice, purposefully ignoring Takanori’s last remark. “They’re always beyond creepy and disturbing. You’re not fooling me. Can’t we watch something… I don’t know, funny or harmless? You got to choose the movie last time, I think it’s only fair that I get to choose tonight,” he argued, trying to sound as matter-of-factly as possible.

“Fine,” Takanori sulked, but instead of handing the remote control to him, he zapped through Netflix on his own, all the while brainstorming the genres Yuu liked. As far as he remembered, he had told him that he loved watching documentaries, comedy movies, dramas and thrillers (as long as they weren’t scary, of course), as well as animated movies. And if he was being honest, then there was quite a large amount of movies to choose from in these categories. However, Takanori had this bad habit of getting annoyingly stubborn and spiteful when he didn’t get what he wanted. So rather than letting Yuu choose a movie this time, he skipped through the section of popular movies and hit play as soon as he came across a movie he hoped he would spite him with as much as possible. “Here you go,” he grumbled, stowing away the remote between his thigh and the armrest of the couch, as far out of Yuu’s reach as he could manage. “A cute harmless movie for our little princess,” he mocked him, still feeling salty about not getting his way.

However, after his initial frown upon Takanori’s choice, Yuu simply shrugged. “I’ll have you know that this is my nephew’s favorite movie. I’ve lost count of how many times he made me watch it, I’ve become desensitized. By now, I even know all the songs by heart,” he commented nonchalantly as though he was talking about the weather and not Takanori’s deliberately poor choice in movies.

Frowning deeply, he scrutinized Yuu. “You’re kidding me, right?” he asked warily, expecting his laid-back composure to crack at any second and for him to start yelling at him to c _hange the fucking movie, for God’s sake!_ But he didn’t. Instead, Yuu only smiled at him, and Takanori spent the next one hundred minutes watching him in utter disbelief as he sang along flawlessly to every single song of Frozen.

By the end of the movie, he was painfully aware of what soccer players felt like after they had scored an own goal.

 

 

“Come on, can’t you just talk to him about it?”

Yuu rolled his eyes at the pleading voice on the other end of the phone, and poured himself some coffee. “Ma, have you just listened to a word I said? He _fucking_ punched me because I refused. No way in hell am I gonna be able to _talk_ to him about it.” The anger welled back up inside of him, and he took a deep breath to swallow it back down. His mother wasn’t the one deserving of his wrath. Thankfully, Takanori’s father had agreed to their proposal, and Yuu hadn’t even bothered to ask his own father for approval. He had simply left his secretary a voicemail informing him that he would work at the Matsumotos’ law firm come Monday. Today was Thursday, and the last three days at the other firm had been true balm for his soul.

His mother sighed audibly. “Please don’t swear, honey,” she scolded him. “I’ve already given him a piece of my mind about that. I just don’t get it,” she exhaled in frustration, “why can’t the two of you get along?”

Switching the phone to his right hand, Yuu snorted. “I wish I knew. He’s just a control freak that wants to decide over every aspect of my life. He told me to marry a stranger, and when I declined he lost it. It’s not my fault, ma!” He clicked his tongue in annoyance, meanwhile he leaned against the kitchen counter and let his eyes wander around the living room. He watched as the bedroom door swung open, and Takanori trotted into the living room with a yawn. He felt the same fluttery feeling in his stomach as last night when he saw him, dressed in nothing but boxers and one of Yuu’s oversized, worn-out Metallica shirts. Automatically, as though he was nothing more than a marionette to his desires, his eyes dropped down to stare at Takanori’s bare legs, and he felt an unquenchable want arise in him. Biting the inside of his cheek, Yuu turned his gaze away quickly, but from the corner of his eye, he spotted Takanori’s smug grin, which informed him that he had noticed Yuu’s blatant staring. _Goddammit._

“I get how you feel, honey, but maybe if you hadn’t yelled at your father, then-“ his mother began, but was interrupted by Yuu’s dry laugh. Yeah, right. As if that would have changed anything. As if that would have not made his father lose his shit over his refusal, because God forbid that Yuu had his own mind and agenda. “Can’t you at least go back to the firm? Your father’s truly not happy with how things are between the two of you,” she added.

He knew as much. If anything, the dozen calls and voicemail he had left him were an indication of how discontent – and pissed – he was about how Yuu had acted on his own authority like that. He couldn’t care less about it. “Why would I?” he asked, watching Takanori enter the bathroom, a rush of arousal floating through him as he reminisced about their little fling in the shower the previous night. “I’m never gonna make him happy, or satisfied, so why should I bother? Plus, he was the one who agreed to this proposal in the first place. I’m just doing what he wants, ain’t I?” Though since he did it on his own volition, of course his father would ultimately disapprove again in the end.

Another sigh from his mother. “He only means well. He wants to make sure that his son gets the best of the best. He only wants what’s best for you, though he doesn’t always pick the right way of showing you,” she tried to pour oil on troubled waters yet again. She always tried to bring about reconciliation between the two of them, but it never truly worked. Granted, most of the time they did go back to speaking to each other. But peace was normally short-lived, and they were at each other’s throats again faster than his mother could say ‘thank Goodness’. They were simply hopeless, their dysfunctional relationship beyond repair.

“If he wanted to make sure that I get the best, then don’t you think he should let me decide who I wanna spend the rest of my life with myself?” Yuu countered angrily. “I’m an adult, I can full well decide something like that on my own. He wants what’s best for me? You and I both know that’s not true. He only wants what’s best for himself. He’s never given a shit about me, about what I want. I’m sure if I found someone he didn’t approve of, he’d try his hardest to get rid of them.” Yuu had never been in a relationship that had lasted longer than a few months at best, and he had never been in love either, thanks to his long-lived confusion when it came to his own sexual identity. So he had never spared topics like marriage much of a thought. Not that he could officially get married to a man in Japan, anyway, if he ever wanted to. But in his opinion, to consider something major like marriage in the first place, a person had to be certain of their feelings first. Couples had to fall in love, grow together, and enjoy each other’s company before they should get married. And not be forced to do so by an outsider. “Hell, I don’t even know whether I want to get married one day, and he’s trying to force some random woman down my throat with God knows which stupid justifications. I’m not gonna marry anyone just because he tells me to.” When his father said ‘jump’, Yuu would do a damn to ask ‘how high?’

He startled as he noticed that Takanori had finished washing up in the bathroom and was now joining him in the kitchen, and blushed in embarrassment. How much of that marriage-stuff had he overheard? Not that it mattered, but it still made Yuu feel uncomfortable. “I know that an arranged marriage sounds awful at first, but it’s not as bad as it may seem. Look at your father and me, it worked out fine with us,” his mother objected, though he could hear the confidence in her voice waver. He shook his head, and preoccupied himself with pouring Takanori a cup of coffee as well as he listened to her words. He knew that unlike his father, she truly meant well, and she would never support his father if he tried to go through with his ill-mannered demands. She just tried to take the line of least resistance – on which Yuu oddly enough always ended up with the short stick. “And what do you mean you don’t know whether you want to get married?”

Yuu huffed. Of course his romantically minded mother would take up on that of all things. He watched as Takanori hopped on top of the counter opposite him, taking a sip of his coffee all the while eyeing Yuu curiously. He mouthed a ‘sorry’, then rolled his eyes at the phone, which caused Takanori to grin in understanding. “I meant it like I said it, ma. If I ever find that one special person I wanna spend the rest of my life with, that’d be enough for me. I don’t need any official papers that acknowledge it.” Well, he couldn’t possibly know as long as he hadn’t met that someone, he just wanted his mother to drop the topic. And maybe ease her into the fact that even if he found that special someone, they would never be able to get officially married anyway. Now all he still needed to do was tell her that he liked men. Though he rather postponed that awkward talk, preferably until next year. “And I’m not getting married to a stranger either, I’ve told you before. And I also told father, but he wouldn’t have any of it.” Hence the fight that had resulted in a split bottom-lip for him.

“But don’t you want to show that person how much they mean to you then?” his mother inquired.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Yuu groaned. He looked at Takanori, who was seated on the counter, head tilted as he shamelessly listened in on every single word of his conversation. Yuu didn’t bother with telling him off, because at the end of the day, he would probably end up telling him about it anyway. Though at second thought, maybe it would have been wise for him to leave the room, or at least Takanori’s intermediate vicinity. He was still in his improvised bed-wear, with nothing covering those delicious legs of his that dangled from the counter almost invitingly. Yuu felt his cock stir at the sight, and he gulped down the air, trying his best to ignore the longing which took root inside of him. “There are other ways to show them how much they mean to me,” he almost whispered.

He gasped as Takanori lifted his leg, and placed his bare foot on his chest, a wide grin on his face. He wiggled his toes, then licked his lips, and Yuu suppressed a lustful moan at the display of his leg. His leg that was so unbearably near. His leg that made his cock tingle with desire. “Things like what?” his mother probed, and had he not been so preoccupied with maintaining his composure, he would have rolled his eyes at her once more.

Instead, he closed them in order to hold back yet another moan as Takanori’s foot slid downward, caressing his torso before he rubbed it against Yuu’s cock. Then, he slowly started sliding it up again, teasing him even more. “More, hgnn…” Yuu faked a cough to cover up his gasps of arousal, and gripped Takanori’s calf to stop his leg from moving. However, touching his naked leg only excited him more, and he took a deep breath to keep his voice as calm as possible. “More… intimate things.”

“Yuu! Oh my Goodness!” his mother exclaimed, outraged at his unabashed words.

Takanori ran his index finger along his tongue, then painted an inviting trail on his thigh, pushing the hem of his boxers up further to expose more of his bare skin. It drove Yuu almost insane. He winked at him before crooking his finger, beckoning him to come over to him. “Ah, sorry, ma!” Yuu pressed out hastily. “Gotta go! Talk to you later!” Without awaiting her response, he hung up and dropped his phone onto the counter, thereby loosening his grip on Takanori’s leg. “You’re the devil,” he breathed as he stepped closer to run his fingernails along Takanori’s calf. If he hadn’t hung up on his mother so impolitely, he would have surely moaned into the phone and then he would have had some awkward explaining to do after all.

All he received was a smug grin. “Thought this was gonna go on forever,” Takanori whined playfully. “God, I’ve been so fucking horny all morning.” Yuu blushed at his words, but felt an immediate wave of excitement wash over him. Their silly altercation hadn’t been grave enough for Takanori to remain in a bad mood overnight (even though Yuu had tried his hardest to pay him back for his childish stubbornness by singing along to all these cheesy songs), and he couldn’t be happier about it. So instead of complaining about Takanori’s bold intrusion, he bent forward and pressed his lips against his leg, feeling his cock twitch in arousal. He kissed his way up his shin, then let his tongue run circles around his knee, moaning as he tasted the soft skin. He had never thought himself to have a fetish for legs, but Takanori’s legs drove him insane. They were beyond delicious, no matter whether they were clothed in the fabric of tight pants, or bare like now. He licked his way upward across his thigh, and felt him shiver as he teased the sensitive skin repeatedly. Takanori entwined his fingers with his hair, pressing Yuu’s head against his thigh, and draped his other leg over his shoulder to keep him in place. “That’s right,” he whispered. “Show me how my legs make you feel.”

Yuu didn’t need to be told twice. He turned his head to attend to Takanori’s other leg, and nibbled at the skin of his inner thigh with his teeth all the while his fingernails scraped across the delicious flesh. He felt his cock harden more and more with every passing second, and the moan Takanori uttered as he bit down harder made it throb painfully. “I wanna devour every inch of you,” he breathed, running his tongue over the bite mark, before he covered it with his lips and sucked at the skin greedily. He halted in surprise when Takanori inched forward to the edge of the counter, dropping the leg off Yuu’s shoulder, and looked up with a wary expression. The cocky grin on Takanori’s face, however, choked off any form of anxiety that he had done something wrong, something forbidden. He watched dumbfounded as Takanori grinded his leg against his cock, which caused him to utter a loud moan as unbridled lust shook his whole body. “Again,” he moaned, his voice somewhere between demand and plea. He grabbed Takanori’s calf, and pressed his leg against his cock, gasping as it pulsated longingly. Obediently, he lifted his leg an inch, and started moving it up and down, repeatedly grinding it against Yuu’s ever-growing erection. Moan after moan escaped his lips, so he tilted his head and brought them back to Takanori’s thigh, kissing and biting and licking at it in between moans, his pants getting uncomfortably tight over his hardened cock.

“Take off your pants,” Takanori commanded huskily, rubbing his leg against his crotch once more. “I wanna see how my legs make you feel. I wanna see how hard your cock gets when I do this.” With that, he grinded his shin against his erection to emphasize his words. Almost too willingly, Yuu obeyed, wasting no time in opening his pants and pulling them down to his ankles along with his boxers. He sighed in relief as the constricting fabric disappeared around his cock. His cheeks blushed when Takanori gazed at his hard-on with a content smirk and a dart of his tongue that ran across his lips to wet them. “You’re so big and hard already,” he moaned, which was accompanied by another rub of his leg against Yuu’s exposed cock.

Getting almost mad with want, he sank his lips back onto Takanori’s leg. He placed chaste kisses on his inner thigh that were as soft as a summer’s breeze, just so he could tease him some in return. He felt Takanori push down his head against his thigh again firmly to express his dissatisfaction at the light treatment. In response, Yuu replaced his lips with his tongue, and ran its tip all the way from Takanori’s knee up to the hem of his boxers, having him writhe underneath the touch. He followed the same trail back down to the middle of his thigh, where he sucked at the skin, leaving another dark mark on his leg. His erection grew even more when he lifted his gaze as he heard a distinctive sound, and was met with the sight of Takanori who had slid his hand into his boxers, stroking his own cock as he watched Yuu closely. The sight of him had Yuu’s whole body trembling: his lips were slightly parted, and he panted as he worked his own erection, his cheeks were tinged red by lust and a thin layer of sweat covered his forehead. He looked utterly beautiful.

But instead of wasting his breath on telling him out loud, Yuu resorted to showing him just how alluring he looked by continuing to worship his legs with his lips and tongue, while at the same time leaving red lines on the white skin with his fingernails, coaxing a hoarse moan from Takanori’s throat. He bit down on his other thigh, then sucked on the skin at the exact same spot, before moving his mouth slightly and repeating the whole process. He left mark after mark on his flawless skin, feeling his cock throb at every moan he drew from Takanori, who commenced to pleasure himself with his hand. The grinding of his leg against Yuu’s cock got more and more irregular the closer he got to his release.

Panting, he helped his leg along by taking ahold of the back of his knee, and pressing it against his hard cock, constantly changing the intensity with which he rubbed it against his cock. In addition to that, he began to jerk his hips forward each time he pulled Takanori’s leg towards him, grinding against it with as much force as possible, meanwhile he moaned without restraint. The throbbing in his cock became unbearable the more he crushed it against Takanori’s leg, and a white fog tugged at the corner of his vision. “ _Fuck!_ ” Cumming all over his leg, he slumped against the counter as his orgasm overran him like an avalanche, burying him in a sea of ecstasy and bliss. His head sank onto Takanori’s thigh, and he panted heavily, relishing his orgasm, whereas his body trembled with exhaustion.

However, Takanori wasn’t done yet, so he grabbed Yuu’s hair and pulled his head towards his sticky leg. “Lick it off,” he demanded with a raspy voice as he halted in his movements. Yuu glanced up to his face, and was met with an unbridled lust in his eyes that made his stomach flutter. Takanori turned him on so much when he was being all bossy during sex, no matter how much he liked to be dominant himself. So he bowed his head, and dutifully started licking the cum off of his leg, shuddering slightly at his own taste on his tongue. When Takanori resumed working his own erection, Yuu let out a deliberate moan to tease him further while he ran his tongue over his leg meticulously to cleanse it of every drop of cum. Moments later, Takanori uttered a loud moan, and Yuu felt his whole body jerk as he came as well, his noisy orgasm riling up him again.

Wiping his lips as he was done, Yuu dropped his head back onto Takanori’s leg, and they remained in this position for a few minutes, waiting for both their bodies to calm down, with Takanori audibly trying to catch his breath. As usual, though, he was still the first one to speak. “Shit,” he gasped. “Now I gotta shower after all.”

Yuu simply snorted, reluctantly straightening up and pulling up his boxers to at least somewhat cover himself. “I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” he muttered incredulously. “You’re the one who started this.” Though he had to admit that he was itching for a shower as well, for his boxers stuck to his skin in a most uncomfortable manner after their little get-together.

“Here we go again.” Takanori stuck his tongue out as his sexy side got taken over by his inner child yet again. “With you pretending as though you didn’t like what just happened.”

“I didn’t say that,” Yuu complained with a sigh, feeling a tad bad about his phrasing, though he knew full well that Takanori was only trying to tease him again – and succeeding. “You know what I mean.”

Tilting his head, Takanori pouted, causing Yuu’s heart to flutter at the cute sight; it was too adorable how his nose crinkled every time his luscious lips formed into one of his charming pouts. “Hmm, do I?” He tapped Yuu’s chest repeatedly with his index finger. “Alright, I confess. You’re right, I was the one who started it. I just can’t help myself, I’m such a badly behaved boy. Guess you’ll have to find an appropriate punishment for me tonight, Mr. Lawyer,” he purred, then hopped off the counter with a lewd grin.

Shivers ran down Yuu’s spine at those words, and he riveted on Takanori’s face to not look at his legs again, which would only result in yet another hard-on. And they were probably already running late for work as it was. “Oh, I will,” he promised with a husky voice, trying to keep his expression as serious as possible. Takanori’s smug grin only widened at his words, and he licked his lower lip hungrily. Yuu cleared his throat to diffuse the sexual tension about to rise up again. “Why don’t you go ahead and shower first?” If he gave in to his desires again and stepped into the shower at the same time as Takanori, they would only repeat their deeds of last night, and he truly didn’t think that time allowed for it.

Takanori raised his eyebrow. “You’re not joining me,” he concluded as Yuu looked away sheepishly, then shrugged. “As you wish,” he muttered, before heading for the bathroom. “What a waste of water, though.”

Yuu chuckled quietly. As needy as Takanori tended to be from time to time, things never got boring with him. And as he watched him disappear into the bathroom, realization dawned on Yuu. He still had no clue what his ideal partner looked like, but if he ever did find him, then it ought to be someone like Takanori. Easy and outgoing, funny and smart, while at the same time, he ought to have a softer side to him. One full of compassion and empathy, someone who cared about other people a lot. If Yuu ever managed to find someone like that, then he definitely ought to consider himself the luckiest bastard in the universe.

If he ever managed to find himself a man like that, he might even consider marrying him.


	16. Chapter 16

“They should be here any minute now,” Yuu said as he checked the clock on his phone again, then stared at the big, flashy neon sign above their heads. He hadn’t been in a karaoke bar in forever, so when Yutaka had suggested it to him, he had been more than surprised. On top of that, Yutaka had brought up his idea to check out the new karaoke bar in the district as Takanori and Yuu had been at his restaurant for lunch. So he had immediately asked Takanori to join them as well, before Yuu could even so much as open his own mouth. Takanori had agreed upon condition that his best friend accompanied them, and Yutaka, the ever extroverted ray of sunshine that was always eager to meet new people, had nodded his excited approval instantly.

Burying his hands in the pockets of his warm coat, Yuu looked the street up and down, keeping watch of any sign of Takanori and his friend ( _Kouyou_ , if he remembered correctly). He was nervous, to say the least. Takanori always spoke so highly of his best friend, so for some illogical reason, Yuu wanted to leave a good impression.

“There they are!” Yutaka exclaimed, and Yuu felt the stab of his elbow in his rips, meanwhile Yutaka bounced up and down on the spot like an excited little kid, waving his hand and grinning brightly. Yuu’s eyes followed his line of vision, and he spotted Takanori, who was heading for their position with a friendly smile. He had a tall, honey blonde guy with dark framed glasses in tow. “I’m so happy you guys made it!” Yutaka greeted them promptly, before giving Takanori an amicable hug. Then he turned to Kouyou, and bowed with a smile. “Hi, I’m Yutaka Tanabe, and this is Yuu Shiroyama,” he introduced them. Yuu bowed as well, taking notice of how Kouyou’s eyes narrowed at the sound of his name, which made him frown in confusion. “It’s nice to meet you!”

Kouyou returned the bow. “I’m Kouyou Takashima. It’s nice to meet you, too,” he said with a deep, calm voice. He was straightly looking at Yutaka, which gave Yuu the impression that he was only talking to him. He bit down on his tongue as he wondered whether he was imagining things, but a glance at Takanori made him notice the other’s fleeting frown. Apparently he had noticed Kouyou’s aloofness as well, and thought it strange. The knot in Yuu’s stomach tightened.

Takanori cleared his throat. “Let’s get inside, shall we?” he suggested, ushering Kouyou inside with a light push. With an excited hum, Yutaka followed suit. Yuu tagged along behind them in silence. He didn’t utter a single word as Yutaka talked to the lady at the front desk, who showed them to their private karaoke box. They took off their coats and hung them by the door, then seated themselves on the dark-red couch in the middle of the small room.

With Yutaka sitting down on his left side and Takanori on his right, Yuu felt oddly trapped. The presence of those two wasn’t what practically nailed him to his seat, though. He could feel the dark, piercing eyes of Kouyou upon him, even though he tried his hardest to act like he didn’t notice. Instead of returning his gaze, he pretended to take great interest in watching one of the employees set up their karaoke equipment. If he had felt uncomfortable at the thought of going to a karaoke bar before, then his levels of discomfort were currently skyrocketing. He had never particularly enjoyed these kinds of establishments. He much preferred some nice and cozy bar to get a drink in, but from time to time he humored Yutaka, which always made him beam with glee like a child that had just been rewarded with a new toy. But right now, he wished he had declined Yutaka’s pleas to check out this new karaoke bar, and the evening had barely started.

Clapping his hands, Yutaka looked around himself. “Alright, who wants to go first?”

“Knock yourself out,” Yuu muttered, picked his Marlboro out of the pocket of his pants, and lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves. Again, he caught Kouyou’s disapproving gaze, which made him bite down on the filter in annoyance. If it wasn’t for Takanori, he would have long asked him head on what his fucking problem was. But he truly didn’t want to start any drama with Takanori’s best friend, no matter what kinds of issues he seemed to have with him. Though by no stretch of the imagination was Yuu able to come up with a reason as to why Kouyou would dislike him so much upon their first meeting. They hadn’t even exchanged a single word yet.

“What about you guys?” Yutaka asked, looking at Takanori and Kouyou.

Kouyou shook his head, and Takanori smiled. “You can go first if you like,” he retorted, grabbing the booklet that contained the selection of songs.

Yutaka scratched his head indecisively, then sighed. “You’re all really jumping for joy,” he pouted, then looked at Yuu accusingly. “I didn’t expect much else from you, though.” He grimaced at the sight of the cigarette between Yuu’s lips, who simply shrugged nonchalantly. Given some alcohol later on, he would surely warm up to the whole thing, but right now he was far too tense to enjoy himself. “How about a little competition then?” Yutaka mused. “We take turns, and the other three have to judge each individual’s performance. How’s that sound?” he suggested, the pout dissolving into thin air at his idea.

Yuu rolled his eyes and groaned, meanwhile he heard Takanori chuckle besides him. “I’m game. Sounds like fun.” He looked at Kouyou and grinned.

A snort escaped the blonde’s full lips. He nudged Takanori in the side, then turned to Yutaka, who was already fumbling with one of the microphones. “Ah, sorry, I don’t mean to be a spoil-sport, but I’ll pass. There’s no way I’m going to go up against Taka. He’s not of this world, this would hardly be a fair competition.” He looked at Takanori with narrowed eyes, adjusting his glasses. “And you know damn well.”

“Wait, _I’m_ the one not of this world?” Takanori protested in disbelief. “Keep talking, E.T.”

“Just because I believe in extra-terrestrial life does not mean I’m an alien.”

“Whatever you say, Alf.”

They would have most likely continued bickering if it hadn’t been for Yutaka’s ringing laughter. “Oh my God, you two are almost as bad as Yuu and Takanori.” Cigarette between index and middle finger, Yuu rubbed his forehead with a groan. _Great_. Why couldn’t Yutaka keep his mouth shut for once? “You should hear those two, they sound like a married couple.”

Kouyou’s response was yet another deprecating glance towards Yuu, while Takanori shifted uncomfortably on the couch beside him. Oh how he wished he was home alone right now, with nothing and no one to worry about.

“It’s just fun to tease Yuu, is all,” Takanori mumbled sheepishly, then resumed skimming through the booklet.

Yuu reached for the ashtray on the small table in front of the couch, and tapped the ash off absent-mindedly. Come to think of it, it wouldn’t be half bad to have Takanori home with him, and maybe repeat some of their nice actions from two days ago. At the moment, he pretty much wanted to be anywhere but in this small karaoke box with Kouyou, whose eyes were shooting daggers at him by now. Luckily, Yutaka finally turned his attention toward the flat screen, selecting the first song on the PC that was hooked up to the TV via HDMI.

 

Halfway through his first song, Yuu understood what Kouyou had meant when he had said that Takanori wasn’t of this world. His singing voice was – to put it simply – utterly beautiful. Yuu had to exert all of his will and self-restraint to not just stare at him, mouth wide agape. Just like when he talked, Takanori’s voice was deep and soothing, but he was also able to hit all kinds of high notes with precision.

Over an hour later, and Yuu’s only coherent thought was that he could listen to Takanori sing all night long; even when he was accompanied by Yutaka’s own flawed singing, with more than one shaky pitch as they sang their second song together. Yutaka had been delighted by Takanori’s talent, and insisted on singing a duet with him. Takanori had happily agreed to. Those two seemed to have the most fun, because Kouyou spent most of the evening eyeing Yuu suspiciously, which made it more than hard for him to relax and truly enjoy himself. When Yutaka had pushed Yuu to sing a duet with Takanori (who had grinned widely), he had been convinced that Kouyou would downright murder him any second. And he still had no clue as to why.

“Alright, time for a break!” Yutaka announced as he dropped down onto the couch next to Yuu, taking a sip from his beer. Yuu reached for his pack of cigarettes again, which he had done too many times this evening. Kouyou’s hostile demeanor stressed him out far more than any opposing lawyer in court ever had, even though he hadn’t dropped a single negative remark towards Yuu.

His mood dropped even further when he remembered that he had emptied his pack, so with a sigh, Yuu stood. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured, trotted to his coat and fumbled for his wallet. He had seen a cigarette automat in the hallway on their way in. Ignoring the feeling of Yutaka’s disapproving look which scrutinized his back, he left the karaoke box, and dragged his feet the short distance to the automat. He truly wasn’t eager to get back in there, but he didn’t want to leave early either. He didn’t want to draw any unwanted attention to himself. Taking a deep breath to suppress his swelling anger, he punched the field for the Marlboro a tad too strongly, before feeding his coins to the machine. It was simply not fair. He still didn’t know what he had done to deserve the cold treatment from Kouyou when they were basically strangers, and it frustrated him.

Taking out the pack of cigarettes, he walked back towards their room. At the door, he bumped into Takanori, who smiled sheepishly, but said nothing as he passed him, obviously heading for the restroom. “Hey, hold on a sec!” Yuu called after him before he could make up his mind. He went after him, making sure that the door was closed so the others wouldn’t overhear. Takanori turned around hesitantly, his lips forming a thin line as though he already knew what he was about to say. “What did I do to Kouyou?” Yuu asked bluntly.

Takanori frowned quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Yuu hissed, at the end of his patience. He had full well noticed Takanori notice Kouyou’s odd behavior. “He’s looking at me as though he wants to strangle me the whole damn time, and I have no idea why. For some weird reason he can’t stand me, and you seem to know why. Care to enlighten me?” If Takanori came up with some bullshit like he was just introverted and shy towards new people, then Yuu would surely scream. Kouyou got along just fine with Yutaka, after all.

Gnawing at his lower lip nervously, Takanori looked at his shoes, intent on evading Yuu’s gaze. “It’s got nothing to do with you,” he tried to reassure him. “He’s just-“ He closed his mouth and shook his head, as though he was frustrated about his own inability to finish the sentence.

However, Yuu wasn’t having any of it. He was fed up with Kouyou’s weird behavior that made no sense to him, and he was fed up with Takanori’s evasiveness. “He’s just what?” When Takanori remained silent, Yuu huffed loudly. “For fuck’s sake, talk to me! What’s his _fucking_ problem?!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he couldn’t stop his frustration from spilling out.

At his words, Takanori’s eyes glinted angrily. “He’s only behaving like that because he’s protective of me, alright?! So stop talking about him this way!”

“What do you mean, protective?” Still, nothing about this situation made sense to him. Yuu had barely exchanged any words with Takanori, he hadn’t even dared to look at him for too long due to all the nasty looks Kouyou had shot him. Meanwhile, it hadn’t been the slightest problem for Yutaka to fool around openly with Takanori. Yuu simply couldn’t understand. “What are you talking about? He’s not protective of you when it comes to Yutaka. He doesn’t look like he’s gonna jump at his throat any second, unlike me!”

“ _Because unlike you, I’m not sleeping with him!_ ” Takanori burst out in irritation.

That was when the missing puzzle piece finally fell into place.

Yuu’s eyes widened as he took in Takanori’s words. Words that unveiled an explanation he hadn’t even considered. Because he hadn’t thought about this possibility. The possibility that Takanori had spilled the beans to his best friend, even though he had promised Yuu to keep their arrangement between the two of them. “ _You told him?!_ ” he snapped, horror clasping his heart, causing his heartbeat to accelerate at immense speed. “Are you out of your mind? How could you?”

Takanori snorted. “How could I what?” he spit out, equally as enraged as Yuu was. “Tell my best friend of over twenty years – whom I trust more than myself – about a guy I’ve been fucking as a pastime for the last month?” He clenched his fists. “You’re a selfish prick, you know that? Kou was there for me when I was at my lowest, and you expect me to _lie to him_ about something like that? Just because you’re too fucking scared that someone might find out? Grow some fucking balls! Or at least don’t cry to me about things that are clearly _your problem,_ and not mine. I told him because I owed him the truth. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? Since all you care about is yourself.” With that, Takanori stormed off in the direction of the restrooms without awaiting Yuu’s response.

Which was probably for the best, given how Yuu was fuming on the inside, appalled by the things Takanori had just thrown at him in his rage. However, while part of him was boiling with anger, he couldn’t deny the painful sting his words had left him with. Each of them had been like a slap to his face, and he felt dazed by his accusations. How dare he assume to know him? How dare he call him a selfish prick? How dare he say that he only cared about himself when he always tried so hard to cheer him up when he was sad?

 _Because he’s the one that doesn’t care. Because you’re nothing more than the guy he’s fucking as a pastime,_ he thought bitterly, crunching the pack of cigarettes in his hand. _And that’s all you’ll ever be to him._

Cursing under his breath, Takanori turned off the faucet, looking at himself in the big mirror of the men’s restroom.  He didn’t even know why he had exploded in Yuu’s face like that. His words had simply struck a chord with him, and the accusatory way in which he had looked at him had… _hurt._ Of course Takanori had had a guilty conscience about telling Kouyou. He knew how afraid Yuu was of coming out to anyone, but at the same time he didn’t feel like he was the one to blame. Or maybe he was, but Yuu had clearly overreacted, which had caused him to overreact as well, and yell all these ugly things at him.

Of course, Kouyou’s cold behavior towards Yuu hadn’t helped in the slightest. It seemed he had been more okay with it when he had been nothing more than an unknown variable. Someone Kouyou had heard tales about but had never met before. But now that he had, now that Yuu had become _real_ to him, he had more than given him the cold shoulder. Not that Takanori could truly blame him. He didn’t know how he would have reacted if his best friend had dragged him to meet his fuckboy.

He cringed at the recollection of this whole mess of a situation, and dried his hands with some paper towels. That was when he heard a muffled moan that made him look up in confusion. First he thought he had imagined it, but then he heard another moan, which came from the last bathroom stall. And another one, followed by a deep grunt. There was a short silence, then the shuffling of feet and clothes, and before Takanori knew what hit him, the door to the stall swung open, revealing a dark-haired man about his age.

He became stiff as a statue.

Akira’s boy-toy looked at him in surprise, before a diabolic grin appeared on his face. He wiped his swollen lips, then looked over his shoulder. “Coast’s clear,” he mumbled loud enough for Takanori to overhear, and stepped out of the stall.

Following closely behind him, Akira froze in his tracks halfway out of the stall as he spotted Takanori, cheeks still heated and tinged in a deep shade of red from whatever those two bastards had been doing previously. An iron-clad hand seized Takanori’s heart, and the blood in his veins ran cold. The unmitigated pain inside of him seemed to choke him like a noose, making it hard for him to breathe properly as his heart screamed in silent agony. “W-What are you doing here, Taka-chan?” Akira asked in a horrified tone, pulling the same ashamed expression he had worn when he had caught him in their bed red-handed.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the words were stuck in his throat like an especially vile lump; he couldn’t even whisper, let alone scream at him. Scream out all his pain, ask Akira what he was doing here with _that_ man of all people. Had all his talk about wanting him back been nothing but a big pile of bullshit, yet another lie amongst all his countless other lies? Had he kept his boy-toy near with the one hand while reaching out to Takanori with the other, begging him to take him back? Or had he finally given up on them, and was now not only fucking, but also dating that bastard that had ruined everything? And why did this thought hurt so much, when he was supposed to be long over him?

_I can only imagine that moving on from a relationship as long as yours takes a lot of time. It won’t happen overnight, and you shouldn’t feel bad for still not being over all of this._

Yuu’s words rang in his ears, and the lump in his throat grew even bigger. If only they hadn’t gotten into this nasty disagreement. If only Yuu was by his side right now, like he had been when Akira had shown up on his doorstep. But he wasn’t. Because he didn’t care about him. Just like Akira didn’t care. Both of them only cared about themselves, only cared about what Takanori did and didn’t do for them. He was certain that Yuu would dump him too, as soon as he got tired of him. That he would find himself someone else to fuck, just like Akira had.

He felt a wave of nausea wash over him as the mean little voice in the back of his mind broke out of its cage once again. It sank its teeth into the vulnerable flesh of his heart and fed all of these malicious thoughts to his frail mind. Completely overwhelmed, he turned on his heels, and piled out of the restroom as quickly as possible.

In the hallway, he ran into Kouyou, who was just outside the door of their karaoke box. He had just gotten off the phone, looking utterly defeated. The anger that briefly arose inside of Takanori due to the unfriendly manner in which he had treated Yuu all evening quickly subsided again as he noticed Kouyou’s distraught state. It caused him to forget even his own pain for a short second. “The hospital just called,” Kouyou explained, then sighed beaten. “They need me to come in.” He shook his head in frustration. “I’m sorry, Taka.”

Disappointment washed over Takanori, and he swallowed hard. How was he supposed to get through another episode of his heartache without Kouyou by his side? “I understand,” he breathed, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

Kouyou studied him thoroughly. “Are you alright?”

Forcing a smile onto his face, Takanori nodded. He didn’t need to have Kouyou worry about him throughout his shift yet again, especially not over something as dumb as running into his ex-boyfriend by chance. “Yeah, don’t worry,” he reassured him. “You should get going. Apparently those morons can’t manage without you.”

Not looking completely convinced, Kouyou slid into his coat, before he gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Talk to you tomorrow night.” Takanori watched in silence as he left the bar, the feeling of solitude weighing him down like a ton of bricks.

But even though he wanted to do nothing more than head home immediately and drown in yet another night full of self-pity, the thought of being alone right now was even more unbearable than the thought of rejoining the others. So instead of retreating into his shell, he reentered their karaoke box.

 

 

Yuu could tell that something was off as soon as Takanori came back.

He seemed weirdly out of it, even more so than he had been after their little argument. He didn’t sing any songs anymore, and sulked in one corner of the couch instead. What truly made his alarm bells go off, however, was the fact that he started to order one Gin-Tonic after the other. He was still pissed about the things Takanori had said to him outside, but sometime well past his third drink, worry took over. Even Yutaka had noticed the drop in his mood, and exchanged worried glances with Yuu, but remained silent otherwise.

“You okay?” Yuu whispered, giving Takanori a once-over, who took a big sip from his fourth drink.

“What do you care!?” Takanori replied sharply, then reached for the pack of cigarettes without so much as asking permission, and lit himself one. Yuu could tell by his glazed-over eyes that he was already drunk. And the fact that he was currently smoking even though he had never done so in his presence before made him worry even more, causing him to swallow down his resentment over his hurtful words.

He watched Takanori tap the ash off his cigarette skillfully, which left him with the impression that he must have been a smoker in the past as well. And while Yuu was still upset over their argument himself, he simply couldn’t imagine that their fight had been enough to throw him off like that. Not only causing Takanori to get drunk, but apparently also to get him to start smoking again. There was only one person that he knew who could knock him off his feet like that. “Maybe you should stop drinking,” he suggested worriedly as Takanori reached for his glass yet again, cigarette stuck between his fingers.

“Maybe you should mind your own goddamn business,” Takanori spat out, then gulped down a huge slug of his drink. “After all that’s what you’re best at, right? Giving a shit about nothing but yourself.”

“What happened?” Yutaka finally dared to speak up as he sat down next to Yuu. He dropped the mic onto the table when it became apparent that none of them would do any singing anymore this night. He didn’t look happy in the slightest anymore, instead, sorrow filled his normally so cheerful eyes.

Yuu sighed. He didn’t really know himself, although he had his suspicions. However, he didn’t think filling in Yutaka right now was the best idea. It would surely stir Takanori up even more. “I think we should call it quits for the night,” he said instead.

With a grunt, Takanori stubbed out his cigarette, then finished his glass, and stood. Yuu arose quickly as well as he swayed dangerously, reaching for his elbow to steady him. Before he could so much as touch him, however, Takanori swatted away his hand, regaining balance and shooting daggers at Yuu. “I don’t need your fucking help.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Yutaka mumbled, and they packed their belongings before slipping on their coats, which Takanori only did in a lackluster fashion on his part. It made Yuu want to dress him up properly like a little child, but he refrained from doing so in order to not piss him off even more. Instead, he held the door open for the others, watching Takanori meticulously as he trotted into the hallway on unsteady legs. The urge to support him arose in Yuu yet again, and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep his hands off of him.

They came to a halt at the front desk, and he kept an eye on Takanori, who fumbled around with the buttons of his coat absent-mindedly, while Yutaka took care of their bill for the time being. “Did you drive here?” he finally asked into the silence, causing Takanori to flinch as though his voice equaled a loud roll of thunder.

“Huh?” Takanori looked at him in confusion, his brows furrowed as he thought about Yuu’s question. “Nuh. Shima was the one driving.” He pulled his lips into a pout. But despite the obvious slur in his speech, Yuu was glad that he answered his question as calmly as possible without trying to pick yet another fight.

Squinting his eyes deep in thought, he stared at Yutaka’s back, then he let his gaze wander through the hallway. That was when he spotted a familiar blonde coming from the men’s restroom and heading towards one of the karaoke boxes. His heart skipped a beat. He had already considered Akira to be the root of Takanori’s mood swing, but he hadn’t expected to actually see him here. Which just made things that more plausible, and that much more difficult. Trying his best to block Akira from Takanori’s view, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll give you a lift, then.”

Takanori snorted snidely. “The heck you will!” he snapped at him, raising his voice in the process, thereby attracting Yutaka’s quizzical glance (and, so Yuu feared, Akira’s as well).

“I’m not gonna let you go home by yourself,” Yuu objected. Of course he could simply put him in a cab and be done with it. But everything inside of him was reluctant to leave Takanori to himself – and worse, to his thoughts.

“Don’t act like you’re my fucking boyfriend, Shiroyama!” Takanori shot back, eyes glistening with drunken anger. He crossed his arms in front of his chest in a display of defiance; however, the slight swaying of his body undermined the fortitude of his stance.

Yuu groaned, then grabbed his arm. “Cut it out, will ya?” he hissed quietly. He felt the eyes of everyone in the hallway on them, and he truly could have gone without the attention. Yutaka joined them with a concerned expression. Yuu started to drag Takanori towards the exit, who fought his grip with tooth and nail until they stepped out into the cold night air. “Come on, I’m taking you home,” he mumbled, pulling him towards the nearby parking lot. Yutaka was silently following suit; he had only ever experienced Takanori on his best behavior, so seeing him like that left him in quite the shock.

Breaking away from Yuu’s hold, Takanori hissed like a deadly viper. “I don’t need your fucking help!” he cursed. “I’d rather just walk home.” With that, he turned around and started to stagger down the sidewalk. He pushed past Yutaka without so much as looking at him in his drunken daze.

“Right,” Yuu sighed, then jogged after him until he had passed him. He felt like Gandalf as he stretched out his arms to intercept Takanori and keep him from continuing on his path, and with his foolish behavior. The only thing missing was for him to grow a long gray beard (though his hair was bound to turn gray sooner rather than later at the rate Takanori strained his nerves), and for him to yell, _You shall not pass._ “Of course you don’t need my help.” He shook his head while rolling his eyes at him simultaneously. “I guess you also walked in the wrong direction on purpose, right? You live that way.” Yuu pointed over Takanori’s shoulder.

For a moment, his tough demeanor fell, and an expression of uncertainty settled on his face as his gaze followed the direction Yuu pointed in. “I-“ He began, then narrowed his eyes in anger. “ _Fuck you!_ ”

“Takanori-“ Yutaka laid his hand on his shoulder to try and calm him down, but Takanori shook it off with an aggressive grunt.

The hurt expression on Yutaka’s face, who had absolutely no clue what had gotten into him, tugged at Yuu’s heartstrings, and he felt his patience slip away. “ _Alright, that’s it!_ ” If Takanori insisted to act like a goddamn brat in his pain, then he would treat him like one, no matter how much he would hate him for it. “We’re leaving. _Now._ ” Without hesitation, Yuu snatched him up, and threw him over his shoulder, hearing him gasp in shock at the unexpected treatment. Noticing how light Takanori was, he started to walk towards the parking lot quickly. He needed to get him home as soon as possible; Takanori not only needed to get out of this place, but also into his bed.

“Put me down, bastard!” he screamed at him, all the while hitting Yuu’s back with his fists in pure anger. “I swear I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t!” He tried to lift his knee to ram it into his stomach. Yuu locked his legs into a tight grip to keep them from moving around more than a few inches.

“You’re gonna kill yourself if you run around the city in your condition,” he replied dryly, heading for his car in large strides. “Help me with this, will ya?” he asked Yutaka, who had tagged along behind them, carefully evading Takanori’s flailing arms. “My keys are in my pocket.”

Yutaka nodded, and searched Yuu’s coat pockets for his car keys, before hastily unlocking the Jaguar and opening the passenger door. Heaving a sigh, Yuu set Takanori down on the passenger seat, who gave him the evil eye, but otherwise remained silent; he finally seemed to have resigned to his fate. Yuu closed the passenger door, and turned towards Yutaka with another sigh. “Is he gonna be alright?” Yutaka asked silently, “What happened? He had been in such a good mood, and all of a sudden…?” He threw a careful glance at Takanori through the window, who had rested his head against the headrest by now, eyes closed, looking beyond exhausted.

Shrugging, he ran his fingers through his hair, before he took his keys from Yutaka. “I’m not sure myself,” he muttered, unsure how much to tell him. Sure, he didn’t know what exactly had transpired between Takanori and Akira, but the amount of alcohol he had consumed made Yuu assume that he hadn’t simply ran into him by bad luck. “I think it has to do with his ex.” Weighing the keys in the palm of his hand, Yuu pressed his lips into a thin line. The by now all too familiar resentment towards Akira boiled up in him again, burning at the edges of his conscience. “They went through a really nasty break-up, as far as I know, and he’s still struggling a lot with it.”

“Oh, I see.” The corners of Yutaka’s mouth pulled into a sad grimace. He had always been empathetic, and always wanted to make sure that the people he cared about were happy. If they weren’t, then the sunshine-smile on his face would fade away as well. And it was apparent to Yuu that his friend cared about Takanori a lot by now. As did he.

“Don’t worry, I bet after a good night’s sleep he’ll be good as new.” He didn’t feel too comfortable telling Yutaka these doubtful words, but he wanted for him to stop worrying so much. Yuu’s concern was big enough for the both of them already. “I’m gonna take him home now.” He hit Yutaka’s upper arm lightly in an amicable manner to try and lift him up, though he was greatly worried about Takanori himself.

Yutaka nodded, then dug through his pockets for his own car keys. “Alright. Talk to you tomorrow?” His tone was almost begging, and Yuu knew he would ask him about their drive home in detail the next day.

“Yeah.” Yuu rounded the car, and opened the driver’s door. He bid Yutaka farewell with the wave of his hand, then dropped down onto the driver’s seat. He closed the door, which attracted Takanori’s attention. But when he turned his head to look at him, Takanori jerked his own head around to look out of the passenger window, and pretended as though Yuu didn’t exist. He sighed once more. “Alright, let’s get you home, sorehead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued...


	17. Chapter 17

Takanori was still ignoring Yuu as he stumbled through the hallway to his front door, and unlocked it with shaky fingers. But that didn’t keep Yuu from entering the apartment behind him, no matter how deadly his glare was. “What the fuck are you doing?” he snapped at him, before he struggled out of his streetwear.

“Making sure you get to bed safely,” Yuu replied as calmly as possible. When he had watched him get out of the car on unsteady legs, he had been unable to keep himself from trotting after Takanori. Just to make sure he didn’t stumble and fall down somewhere along the way to his apartment. And maybe hit his head and bleed out on the cold floor in the process. No matter how ridiculous that thought was, Yuu couldn’t help but worry about him enormously, so he had accompanied Takanori to his apartment. Much to the other’s dismay.

Takanori snorted, then flipped him off angrily, which made Yuu sigh. It was clear as day that he was still mad at him about their fight, and the things he had said. And although he felt the same way, and even though his chest still contracted painfully when he recalled Takanori’s hurtful words, Yuu couldn’t keep his concern at bay. Especially when Takanori was in such a distraught state. “Come on,” he said, taking ahold of his hand. “We need to get you some water, or the headache is gonna kill you tomorrow.” He tried to pull him in the direction of the kitchen, but Takanori went back to acting like a defiant little brat, bracing his feet against the floor and trying his hardest to put up a fight. As Yuu’s pull got stronger, he used all of his weight to keep him from dragging him towards the kitchen for even an inch. Yuu contemplated throwing him over his shoulder again, but then another idea struck him, and he ceased to try and get Takanori into the kitchen by force. “You really hurt Yutaka’s feelings, you know?” he said in a nonchalant tone. As though he was scolding a kid.

That seemed to catch Takanori’s attention, and he shifted his gaze from Yuu’s fingers that were still wrapped around his wrist to his face. “What do you mean?” he whispered warily, completely lost on where Yuu was going with this.

He shook his head, now feigning sadness. “I mean, I get that you were mad at me, and hurt because of… you know who.” He swallowed thickly as he saw Takanori’s expression darken at the mention of Akira. “But Yutaka had nothing to do with this. Yet you still treated him as though he was just as much to blame. And now you even refuse to drink some water to help make you feel better in the morning. Which is just gonna make him worry even more. Because I’m one hundred percent sure he’s gonna wanna know how you’re doing tomorrow.” Yuu knew that it wasn’t exactly noble to appeal to his guilty conscience like that, but he thought it to be better than to actively force him to do something he was unwilling to do yet again.

“I… I didn’t mean to,” Takanori mumbled ruefully, his shoulders slouching at the thought that he had done wrong by Yutaka like that. He blinked as though he tried to break out of his intoxicated daze, and looked up at Yuu. Though apparently, seeing his face got his blood boiling again, and he wriggled his wrist out of his grip with a sour grimace. “Fine! I’ll do it. I’ll drink some stupid water. But I’m doing it for Yutaka, and not for you, bastard.” With that, he staggered into the kitchen.

Biting back a groan, Yuu followed him, and watched silently as Takanori filled up a glass with crystal clear water from the tap. He swallowed it down in one go as though he hadn’t drunk anything in ages and was close to dying of thirst. When he was done, he set the glass down on the counter with a loud thud, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and glared at Yuu. “You satisfied now?!”

Yuu gave him a relieved nod. “Thanks,” he said in a soft tone, trying to smooth ruffed feelings.

However, Takanori, who was still very much drunk, only hissed derogatively. “Oh cut the crap!” He wrapped his arms around himself, pacing about the kitchen. Yuu frowned. “Don’t act like you actually give a shit, we both know that you don’t!” Takanori uttered a humorless laugh, but it broke halfway. “Don’t pretend to care about me, I can’t take this bullshit anymore. You’re just like-“

“ _Don’t you dare compare me with that bastard!_ ” Yuu interrupted him heatedly, feeling his wrath awake inside of him again. Deep down he knew that Takanori had taken his earlier words down the wrong pipe, and was simply acting this way because he was upset. Yet, he couldn’t keep the anger from seeping through his body, especially at the mention of that blonde asshole. “Besides, what’s it matter to you whether I give a shit about you or not? Since all I am to you is just some guy you fuck as a pastime!” He felt the painful stab at his heart when he repeated these words, and clenched his fists. “You’re the one who doesn’t give a shit, so stop acting all high and mighty!” In this moment, it didn’t matter to Yuu that they were supposed to be nothing but a casual fling. Takanori’s words had cut deeper than he had ever anticipated.

Takanori stopped pacing the room, and stared at him in disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?! I hurt your stupid pride, is that it? Oh look at you, you poor, poor thing. The oh so perfect Yuu Shiroyama got his ego hurt. I’m truly sorry for not stroking it like everybody else!” he spit at him, causing Yuu to flinch at his hostile words. “Everyone’s at your feet, so the moment things don’t go the way you want them to, you lose your mind, is that it?”

Mouth agape, Yuu stared at him speechlessly. What the hell had gotten into Takanori? Was he _that_ hurt because of whatever had happened with Akira? Or was it truly because he thought he didn’t care about him? “What the hell are you talking about?!” he hissed, trying his hardest not to yell back at him.

“Do you think I don’t notice? How basically every man and woman starts staring at you as soon as you enter a room?” Takanori replied angrily, though the anger in his eyes got replaced with something darker, something more somber. “Like that guy in the club the night you got wasted after your fight with your father. I know I mean nothing to you, and one day you’ll meet someone else in another club. Someone that’s prettier than me, and then you’re gonna dump me without a second thought. Just like-“ He took a deep breath and shook his head, meanwhile all Yuu could do was stare at him dumbfounded, not believing the words he was hearing. All the while his heart broke more and more with every word of insecurity that left Takanori’s lips. “So stop pretending to care because I know you don’t. One day I won’t be enough anymore, and then you’re gonna find yourself someone else, too. One day you’ll get fed up with me because I’m too troubling for you. And then you’ll dump me like trash. Because at the end of the day, you don’t give a shit! I know you don’t!”

Yuu didn’t even notice how his fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, his mind was too far gone, trapped somewhere between disbelief and anger. With the second one taking over more and more every single second. Did Takanori really think of him that lowly? Did he really think of Yuu as such a selfish bastard? “I don’t get it!” Yuu shouted back, unable to hold his pent-up frustration in any longer. “You’re the one who doesn’t give a shit. I’m the guy you fuck as a pastime, remember? Those were your fucking words. So I truly don’t get what it matters whether I give a shit or not?!” He felt his cheeks burn hotly. However, he couldn’t tell whether it was due to his embarrassment about them debating who didn’t care about the other, or because he was as angry as Takanori was. And what was that talk about Takanori meaning nothing to him? He didn’t understand any of it. He couldn’t grasp how their argument in the karaoke bar had boiled down to this. Simply because he had gotten upset that Takanori had told his best friend. He didn’t even understand why they were fighting in the first place. The alcohol must have dragged the darkest parts of Takanori out in the open.

“And who the fuck said you meant nothing to me?!” he burst out. “That’s complete bullshit! I was upset because you told Kouyou about us, yes. _But_ _I never said I didn’t give a shit, did I?!_ ”

Takanori was fuming as much as he was as he shouted back, _“Well, neither did I!”_

Then everything happened in the blink of an eye. Yuu couldn’t even tell who had moved first. All he knew was that one second they were yelling and glaring at each other furiously, and the next second their lips crashed together in a passionate kiss. Their bodies united as they kissed each other angrily, both putting all their frustration into the kiss. He felt a jolt of ecstasy shoot through him like electricity as their tongues collided seconds later, sending pleasant shivers throughout his whole body. Takanori wasted no time in entangling his fingers in the strands of his hair, pulling his face closer, biting down on his lower lip once before bringing their lips back together. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a quiet voice tried to tell Yuu that this was wrong. That it was messed up for them to express their feelings like this instead of talking about their issues properly. But he truly didn’t know how else to make Takanori understand that he _damn well_ cared about him. So instead of wasting any more time on thinking, he shut his mind off, gripped Takanori’s hips and steered him backwards until his back collided with the fridge. His lips parted upon impact, and Yuu slid his tongue into his mouth, greedily taking in the taste of Takanori’s lips, not bothered by the lingering taste of alcohol on his tongue.

His fingers wandered upwards, sliding underneath Takanori’s shirt, and softly caressed his smooth skin. He grinned into their kiss triumphantly as he felt the goosebumps that spread on Takanori’s skin. “You drive me crazy,” he murmured against his lips ambiguously, then kissed him again. His fingers pushed the hem of his shirt upwards, and their lips parted as he pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor. His own shirt followed moments later, before they resumed with attacking each other’s lips angrily, caught between their residing anger and their burning passion for each other. Filled with an insatiable hunger, Yuu seized Takanori’s leg at the back of the knee and lifted it to his hip, which caused their bodies to move closer together, pressing their crotches against each other in the process. He felt himself harden at the touch, and moaned into the kiss. Takanori wrapped his leg around his pelvis to keep their bodies close, and make their growing erections rub against one another once more. He moaned as well, tugging at Yuu’s hair impatiently.

Taking this as a silent request, Yuu began to unbuckle Takanori’s belt, and then he zipped open his pants. Instead of taking them off right away, however, he snuck his hand inside of his pants, palming his cock through the thin fabric of his boxers. He couldn’t suppress a smug smirk as he felt him writhe underneath his touch, and Takanori interrupted their kiss to let out a deep moan. With the smirk still on his face, Yuu brought his lips to his ear, slowly exhaling once to tease him with the gentle brush of breath against his sensitive skin. “I loved to listen to you sing,” he breathed huskily. “It’s impressive what you can do with that voice of yours. But I love it even more when I hear it moan loudly.” With that, he seized Takanori’s cock and squeezed it firmly, causing him to gasp in arousal.

“And I… hgnnn… love it to stare at these… hgnnn… lips of yours when you talk,” Takanori panted, digging his fingernails into Yuu’s scalp as he continued to rub and squeeze his growing erection. “But I love it… hgnnn… even more when you… hgnnn… kiss me with them. Fuck!” He threw his head back and moaned again when Yuu slid his hand into his boxers, seized his hard-on and squeezed it tightly.

Compliant, he lowered his head and gave him a kiss, but settled for Takanori’s neck when he broke their kiss once more to moan again as he gave his cock a determined stroke. “I… hgnnn… hate you,” Takanori pressed out with a hoarse voice, letting go of Yuu’s hair in order to seize his waistband. But he struggled with unbuttoning his pants as Yuu distracted him by nibbling at a sensitive spot on his neck all the while stroking his cock yet again. No matter how freaked out he had been when Takanori had prompted him to touch his cock for the first time, now he couldn’t get enough of it. He couldn’t get enough of Takanori. And he would make him understand that he would never grow tired of him, no matter what. He would make him understand over and over again if he had to.

“Doesn’t feel like you hate me,” he muttered against his nape, before he sank his teeth into the soft skin. His own cock hardened more and more the more he felt Takanori’s erection grow in his hand.

He frowned when he felt him freeze, and let go of the skin on his neck to look at him questioningly. The sly expression on his face deepened his frown, and he watched curiously as Takanori inhaled deeply in an attempt to regain his composure. “You’re a cocky bastard, you know that?” he asked, all the while finally opening Yuu’s pants without difficulties. He lowered his leg, then licked his lips in anticipation. “Two can play that game,” he purred, then he dropped down to his knees, pulling down Yuu’s pants and boxers in the process. He was unable to hold in the moan when Takanori’s tongue glided along his erection, dancing around the tip teasingly, which filled Yuu to the brim with an insatiable desire. He licked his full length again, coaxing another moan from him, then wrapped his lips around his cock and took him in, giving him a slight suck to tease him further. Now it was Yuu’s turn to entangle his fingers with Takanori’s hair as he grabbed his strands for better support. And even though he was a bit more sloppy than usual as he sucked his cock due to his intoxicated state, it still left Yuu in a state of pure lust and arousal. His cock throbbed painfully with every second that Takanori’s lips slid over his erection, with every time his teeth scraped over his length lightly, and his tongue licked his sensitive skin.

However, not long after he had started to blow him, Takanori stopped, leaving nothing but a thin layer of saliva on Yuu’s cock. He got back up, thereby stripping out of his own pants, and wiped his lips in satisfaction. He swayed a bit as he moved to the nearest counter, dragging Yuu with him. His slicked-up cock pulsated longingly as Takanori turned around and bent over the counter. He took ahold of his hips, and slowly pushed his cock inside of him, feeling Takanori’s muscles tighten nearly unbearably around his throbbing erection. With a jerk of his hips, he urged Yuu to start moving almost immediately. Not planning to go soft tonight, Yuu complied, and thrust into him forcefully, hitting his prostate right away.

Takanori uttered a sound that was a mixture of a moan and a curse, then constricted his muscles on purpose to get back at Yuu. In return, he pulled out of him completely, pushed his upper body down onto the counter with one hand meanwhile his other hand still held onto his hips with a tight grip. He snapped his hips forward, thereby burying his full length in Takanori’s entrance, and penetrating his sweet spot once more. He didn’t wait for him to catch his breath, but thrust into him again, falling into a quick and rough pace in which he fucked him against the kitchen counter. He watched him as his hands glided across the counter, desperately searching for something to hold on to, but not being able to find anything besides the edge of the furniture. With a satisfied grin, Yuu aimed at his sensitive spot repeatedly, causing Takanori to become a writhing and moaning mess beneath him. All the while he still pushed his upper body down – part of him was still angry, and this was his way of punishing Takanori for his childish behavior and hurtful words from earlier.

_“Harder!”_ Takanori demanded with a moan, and Yuu delivered. He pulled out again, and thrust back into him as hard as he could manage; which would have resulted in Takanori’s hipbone (or worse, his cock) crashing against the counter, had Takanori’s hands not pushed against the edge of it to dampen the force of his thrust. He uttered a loud scream of pleasure, and his muscles cramped around Yuu’s cock until he had gotten almost unbearably tight around him. In response, he dug his nails into his back, painting red lines on the white skin as he dragged his fingernails down alongside his spine. Head spinning at the arousal, he thrust into him again just as hard. Again, Takanori only prevented himself from getting hurt too severely by bracing himself against his thrust by pushing himself away from the counter at full power. As an apology, Yuu released the pressure on his torso, and seized his neglected erection instead, beginning to work Takanori’s cock zealously.

It only took a few more thrusts combined with some determined strokes to finish him off, and Yuu felt his warm cum splutter all over his hand as Takanori reached his release with a loud moan. His muscles contracted tightly around his cock, and his vision blurred as his orgasm overran him. He felt as though he was sinking in a quicksand of lust and bliss, all anger blown out of his system, and contently, he slumped against Takanori.

If this was what make-up sex made him feel like, then he was tempted to get into fights with him more often.

 

 

Grunting tiredly, Takanori awoke from his deep slumber. He was beyond exhausted, and his whole body felt sore despite of his bed being extremely comfortable. He furrowed his brows in confusion at the weirdly warm and soft pillow underneath his head, and shifted slightly. Only to freeze in his movements as he realized that he wasn’t resting on a pillow at all.

_Oh for God’s sake!_

Holding his breath, he lifted his head ever so slightly, and stared into Yuu’s sleeping face in disbelief. He truly didn’t remember ending up like this, snuggled up to him. All he remembered was getting fucked hard against the kitchen counter before eventually, they had ended up in his bed for a second round of heated sex (where he had rode himself brainless on Yuu’s cock). He must have passed out afterwards, because he would have surely told Yuu off if he had still been awake.

Lifting up his upper body carefully as to not wake Yuu while he tried to maneuver himself out of this precarious situation, he bit down on his lower lip at high concentration. However, he was hindered from removing his body as Yuu shifted beneath him, and he felt his arm wrap around his waist, which pulled him closer against his body subconsciously. With a frustrated sigh, Takanori’s head dropped back onto Yuu’s chest, and he felt his heart begin to race when Yuu buried his face in his hair, caressing it softly with his even breath. Listening to his steady heartbeat quietly, he fought against his exhaustion, desperately trying to keep his eyes open to think of a way to get out of this mess. Though if he was being completely honest, Yuu wasn’t such a bad substitute of a pillow.

With that thought in mind, he lost the fight only minutes later, and drifted back into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

The next time he awoke, Yuu was gone from the bed, and with a yawn and a weird feeling of disappointment, he lifted his head. He spotted Yuu in front of the dressing table as he put down his clothes from last night on the chair. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Takanori slowly sat up, watching him turn around to face him. His heart skipped a beat at the bright smile he flashed him, and the disappointment within him dissolved into nothingness almost instantly as though someone had switched on the light in the room. As though someone had chased away the darkness. The light being Yuu’s genuine smile.

“You’re awake!” he hummed happily, apparently not bearing the slightest grudge against him and yesterday’s fight. Since Takanori knew his resentment to be as short-lived as his temper, it didn’t fully surprise him; however, he was still relieved that Yuu didn’t seem to be angry anymore.

“Am I?” He yawned again, before he pressed his hand against his stomach as it rumbled audibly, signaling him that it demanded sustenance at once. “Ugh, I’m starving,” he mumbled, cheeks burning hotly due to his embarrassment.

Yuu chuckled. “Why don’t you hop in the shower, and I try to make us some breakfast in the meantime?” he suggested with a warm smile.

He nodded instantly, relieved at the thought that he didn’t have to worry about preparing breakfast this morning, and watched Yuu head out of the bedroom. Moving as slowly as a turtle, he untangled from the blanket, dragged his feet to the wardrobe and picked out some comfortable, yet stylish clothes to wear.

 

 

“It smells delicious,” Takanori said as he entered the kitchen, where he found Yuu in front of the stove, humming _Nothing Else Matters_ by Metallica as he tended to something in one of the frying pans. Yuu gave him a grin, and Takanori walked over to him to glance into the pan, spotting some well-fried pancakes. On a plate next to the stove, he now noticed a heap of pancakes that were already done, and he felt his mouth water at the sight.

Yuu flipped the pancake in the pan, and put it back onto the stove. “I do apologize,” he mused. “I suck at pretty much everything else. I do know how to make some decent pancakes, though.” He looked at Takanori with an apologetic smirk. “My sister lived in the States for a few years before she moved back to Mie. So whenever I visited her, she made pancakes for breakfast. Plus, those are my nephew’s favorite meal, so I simply had do learn how to cook them.”

Takanori laughed silently at the mental image of Yuu covered in dough and full of frustration as he tried to make his first pancakes. “Well, well, what have we here?” he grinned. “Those are some dirty tricks, Mr. Lawyer. Trying to use bribery on an innocent boy to get in his favor, I see?”

“Pff!” Yuu huffed in mocked annoyance. “I’ll have you know that I was his favorite uncle even before I learned how to make these.” He lifted the pan off the stove and added the finished pancake to the stack.

Doubting, Takanori raised his eyebrow. “Oh and how many uncles does he have?”

Yuu laughed incredulously, turned off the stove and walked to the fridge to get some jelly. “Are you trying to imply something?” he asked, picking up the plate with their breakfast in his other hand.

Takanori got some clean plates from the cupboard, as well as some cutlery. “Are you trying to dodge my question?” he countered. “How many uncles does he have?” he repeated, blocking off Yuu’s path as he tried to walk past him.

“Uhm, well…” He halted, pulling his lips into a pout. “Technically, you know, uhm, since I’ve known Yutaka for so long, well, uhm… he does like the little one a lot, you see, and…”

“How many?”

Yuu breathed out in frustration. “Alright, just me. You happy now?”

Stepping aside to let him through, Takanori grinned. “Very.”

They settled down at the dinner table in the living room, and hungrily, Takanori started to devour the pancakes, relishing the delicious taste as well as the joy of having an already prepared meal. They ate in a comfortable silence, and the stack of pancakes shrunk fast.

However, the sweetness of the pancakes and jelly wasn’t the only taste on Takanori’s tongue, so halfway through his third pancake, he set down his cutlery. “Hey, Yuu?” he started cautiously. Still chewing, Yuu lifted his head to look at him and nodded attentively. “I’m sorry. The way I behaved last night was… beneath contempt. I was frustrated because of the way Kou acted towards you. And then I got even more frustrated about the way you reacted to him acting this way. And then that shit with Akira happened, and-“ He broke off, almost choking on the heartache that conflagrated in his chest at the recollection of last night’s events, which had piled on top of one another like a stack of unstable building bricks. Until the wobbly tower of bricks had finally collapsed and knocked him down along in its fall. “I’m sorry. I screwed up.” Full of regret, he stared at his plate, feeling even guiltier at the thought that no matter how shitty he had treated him last night, Yuu had – once again – taken care of him. He had even stayed the night. And on top of that, he had volunteered to make them breakfast. Takanori truly didn’t deserve his kindness.

“Well, so did I,” Yuu answered, making him look up in surprise. He had also stopped eating, and flashed him a rueful smile. “You were right. The way I reacted to the fact that you told Kouyou was… stupid and selfish. I truly am just a coward that’s too scared to come out. So when you told me, my mind went blank, and all I could think of was myself. So you were probably right to call me a selfish prick.” He laughed humorlessly.

Takanori was quick to shake his head. “No, I couldn’t have been further from the truth,” he objected, then gnawed at his lip in shame. If Yuu was selfish, then what in the Devil’s name was he? He was the one always feeding off of his compassion and kindness, who pushed him to his limits over and over again with his emotional outbursts, who took without giving. And he felt extremely low about it, about behaving so ungratefully. Even after Yuu had refused to leave him to himself, which would have probably ended up in an even greater disaster. “You still took me home even after everything I said and did, and for some unknown reason you continue to put up with my shit.” He shrugged clueless, unable to comprehend how Yuu wasn’t fed up with him by now. To prove another, although meeker point, he motioned at his plate. “And on top of that you even made me breakfast. Meanwhile, I couldn’t even give you as much as a heads-up about Kou,” he laughed bitterly.

Reaching for the jelly to put another spoonful on his pancake, Yuu sighed. “Well, a heads-up would’ve helped, not gonna lie.” He spread the jelly with his knife, which he then put down, only to ignore the pancake altogether as he looked at Takanori, a serious expression on his face. “But I’m sorry to disappoint you. It’ll take more than that to get rid of me.” His features softened, before his face lit up with another smile eventually. “Plus, I totally had to show off my pancake-making abilities, hadn’t I?” he snickered, breaking the tension between them.

A snort of amusement left Takanori’s throat. “Oh yeah, totally. I don’t know what I’d do without your pancakes.” He meant to sound teasing, but he was pretty convinced that he would have starved this morning if it hadn’t been for Yuu and his pancakes. He cut off a piece from his pancake and shoved it into his mouth, chewing on it appreciatively. “You’re like… perfect boyfriend-material, you know that?” he murmured after he had swallowed down, not even aware of what he was saying, or that he was saying it out loud.

He only mulled over his words when he saw Yuu’s cheeks flare up in a bright red, and choked on the next bite of pancakes as the substance of his words finally seeped through his brain. He felt his cheeks burn hotly as well, and coughed as the piece of pancake got stuck in his throat. Quickly, he washed it down with a sip of his water. “Uh, I meant that… you know, uh, well… if you ever get a boyfriend in the future. Uhm, which of course you will, I just meant to say that, uh… he’s gonna be one lucky fella, uh…” Appalled, he pressed his lips together tightly in an attempt to keep himself from rambling even more nonsense.

“Uhm, well,” Yuu laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks still tinged dark red. “Thanks for the compliment, I guess? Don’t let Kouyou hear those words, though, or he’s gonna have my head. Not that I could blame him.” He cleared his throat, still holding onto his neck for dear life, the red in his cheeks slowly subsiding. “If I had been in his shoes, and had been confronted with your fuckbuddy, then I probably would’ve torn his head right off, and not just in a figurative sense.” He laughed again, then blushed once more; apparently, Takanori wasn’t the only one with a habit of risking his neck with careless talk, which was honestly a relief to know. Though Yuu managed to pull it off in a much more charming manner than he did.

Grimacing, Takanori tugged at the hem of his cardigan. “Well, rather my fuckbuddy than that cheating bastard of my ex that likes to fuck his boy-toy in the restroom of a karaoke bar, wouldn’t you agree?” he replied bitterly, feeling the painful stab at his heart once more. “If I had told Kou, he surely would’ve murdered him right on the spot.”

Yuu’s face paled in a matter of seconds, and he dropped his hand in disbelief. “He did w _hat?!_ ” he exclaimed, anger glowing in his dark eyes. For some weird reason, his wrath soothed Takanori’s pain ever so slightly; it gave him validation that his feelings weren’t exaggerated, but instead fully legit. Somehow, this knowledge made it more bearable. “Oh you bet I would’ve murdered him as well. Shit!” Yuu’s fist punched the table top with force, causing Takanori to flinch slightly. “I’m gonna beat the living crap outta him if I ever see him again!” His knuckles turned white from how tightly he clenched his fist, and Takanori bit down on the inside of his cheek in guilt. He hadn’t meant to rile Yuu up like this, no matter how good it felt to share his pain with someone.

“Well, he didn’t know that I was there,” he backtracked quietly. Not that it made things better, or fixed them somehow. But for once, it had truly been bad luck for them to run into each other. Bad luck and a bastard of boy-toy who was hell-bent on making Takanori suffer as much as possible. And his life that seemingly wanted to see him suffer continuously without giving him a break. However, Takanori was starting to become aware that he had to actively chase the good things in life. He had to actively pursue things that distracted him from his heartache. Things that made him feel better. Things that made him happy. Instead of dwelling on the bad memories of a person he had once thought he knew, of a person he had once loved. Of a person he still loved.

“That doesn’t make it better,” Yuu interjected, still visibly pissed at Akira, voicing exact the same thought that had crossed Takanori’s mind. It truly didn’t. But the damage was already done, and there was nothing he could do about it. Or Yuu, for that matter.

He shrugged. “No, it doesn’t,” he agreed, then straightened his back, and took a deep breath to shake off those bad thoughts and feelings. Akira didn’t deserve to haunt his thoughts anymore, he had resided in his head for far too long. He had long since outstayed his welcome, both in Takanori’s heart and mind, as well as his actual life. “But it didn’t make things better either when I mentioned you to Kouyou as my fuckbuddy,” he changed the topic, uttering a dry laugh. This truly hadn’t been the most sensitive way of breaking the news to his best friend.

For a moment, Yuu remained silent, only studying him thoroughly to check up on his condition. He was still angry, his fist still rested clenched on the table top. However, the tension in his body slowly subsided when he realized that Takanori wouldn’t burst into tears yet again, or suffer another mental breakdown. “Well, it truly isn’t the smoothest term, you’re right about that,” he joined in on the topic change. “Sorry for coining that, by the way.” He fell silent for another moment, then looked at him thoughtfully. “Maybe we should find another label for-“ he motioned vaguely with his hand between the two of them, “this. Us.”

Tilting his head, Takanori contemplated his words, feeling his heartrate increase at the last word. _Us._ He felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine at the thought of that; the thought of there being a _them_. The thought of Yuu not wanting to dump him. The thought of Yuu not being tired of him. The thought of Yuu still being there, despite everything. The thought of Yuu caring about him. “You’re right,” he pondered, feeling his stomach flutter as he thought about another, more appropriate term. “Then how about, uh…” he stared at his painted black nails for a second, trying to come up with something more suitable, “friends with benefits?”

“Friends?” Yuu repeated the first and certainly most significant word absent-mindedly, then nodded his agreement. “I do like the sound of that. Friends with benefits it is, then.”

Takanori felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth as he watched Yuu dig back into his breakfast. He happily devoured the rest of his half-eaten pancake before helping himself to another one. Somewhere during that next pancake, a strand of his long dark hair fell into his face, and with a full mouth and cutlery in hands, he unsuccessfully tried to remove it from his face. Takanori giggled as he watched him struggle with the strand, until Yuu dropped his futile attempts at removing it, swallowed down and blew against the strand instead, thereby shooting him a sulky glance. He made a move to set down his knife, but Takanori, who still hadn’t resumed eating, beat him to it, reached across the table and tucked it behind his ear for him. Yuu blushed, murmured a “Thanks”, then shoved another forkful of pancakes into his mouth to gloss over his embarrassment.

“Don’t mention it,” Takanori retorted. “That’s what friends are for.” Well, special friends like they were, in particular. He felt giddy with a strange feeling of happiness as he thought about their redefined relationship. His worries about Yuu not giving a shit about him from last night now seemed so far-fetched and trivial, his anxiety nothing more than a bad memory. He continued to feel insecure about himself, and he was sure that the mean little voice in his head wouldn’t shut up that easily. But a new feeling of certainty filled him, a feeling that he could trust Yuu, no matter what. That no matter what, Yuu would never hurt him. That no matter what, Yuu would never make him cry.

If only he knew how dead wrong he was about that last part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, there will be no chapter on Saturday. I'm working the rest of the week, so I won't have time to edit and upload the next chapter. Read you next Wednesday. And happy Halloween! ^-^


	18. Chapter 18

There were days when being a lawyer was an unexpectedly dull job, with not much to do but paperwork and boring phone calls. Normally, Takanori much preferred the hectic days, when time went by flying while he was buried deep in work. But sometimes, he would much rather have one of his boring days than being driven dangerously close to insanity. Because sometimes he wanted to do nothing more than tear one of their clients to shreds, eat them alive and spit out whatever remained. Just like today.

“I’m telling you, just sign the damn settlement and be done with it!” he grunted, slamming the palms of his hands onto the table top of his desk to blow off some steam. This meeting that had (unnecessarily) lasted over an hour already was getting on his last nerve. Their discussion had been running in circles nonstop. The meeting shouldn’t have taken more than a few minutes – half an hour at the most – and yet here they were, arguing about the most ridiculous things over and over again. Just because his client wouldn’t listen to his advice.

Wataru Ishikawa glinted at him angrily, still carrying his arrogant, unreasonable posture that drove Takanori almost as mad as his stubborn attitude. “And I’m telling you that’s out of the question!” he bawled, hitting the table top even louder with his fist, which caused Takanori to narrow his eyes at him.

Exhaling in disbelief, he unbuttoned his jacket, and stepped to the big glass windows. He looked outside for a second before he turned around again, briefly glancing at Yuu who pulled a face and rolled his eyes at the client, unbeknown to Ishikawa. Takanori sighed and nodded lightly; he was about to pull his hair out if this bullshit continued on. They had been mulling over the Ishikawa Group’s limited options repeatedly, without getting to a satisfying result. However, Takanori was too stubborn himself to simply give up. Moreover, his father would act the same way as he did, he knew that much.

“Why?” Takanori groaned. “The settlement’s gonna cost your firm 65 million yen, and that’s it. Whereas taking this to court might stretch over months, or even years. And the sum will probably skyrocket in the process. Not to mention the publicity.” He crossed his arms before his chest and shook his head. This was truly ridiculous. He had never liked to deal with the slimy Wataru Ishikawa, whose face was covered in wrinkles that gave him an all-time grimly expression. He always wore the most expensive designer-suits to show off just how wealthy he was. He also put far too much gel in his graying hair, making it appear slick and greasy instead of groomed and stylish. “Plus, let’s not kid ourselves.” Takanori snatched one of the files from the table, and waved it around to emphasize his standpoint. “Your firm screwed up in taking precautions and increasing the safety measures. Even though the staff council brought it up countless times. This is the least you can do in order to limit the damage. Pay the settlement and sign the accord that your firm will take care of these lacks in regards of safety measures as soon as possible. It’s the smartest thing to do.”

“And what for? To make us – _me_ – appear as the guilty party?!” Ishikawa burst out. “I don’t think so! That bastard’s not gonna get a single yen from my company! He should have been more careful!” He shot up from his seat, now towering over Takanori threateningly. However, he was never one to back down, especially due to his small stature.

“You _are_ the guilty party!” he fired back. “The lack of safety measures in your production department made a man in his thirties end up in a wheelchair, for crying out loud!” He threw the file back onto the desk in annoyance. “And all he asks for is compensation for personal injury as well as the guarantee that your firm will do something to prevent any accidents like that from happening again. Don’t you get that?” He was about to smash his head against a wall if this pointless discourse continued on for much longer. “65 million yen is nothing compared to what taking this to court would cost you.” Why were some people so unreasonable and dumb? He would never understand. “Plus, it’s very likely that you’ll lose that trial in court, since there’s a lot of evidence that your firm got notified of the need to upgrade their safety measures and yet still did nothing. So just pay the damn settlement we’ve managed to arrange with the victim!” He bit back the ‘God damn it’, because it surely wouldn’t have helped them along, but it took every ounce of self-control within him to not throw it in Ishikawa’s face.

Ishikawa snorted. “Isn’t that what I pay you people for?!” he yelled at Takanori, taking a step towards him and getting uncomfortably close in the process. From the corner of his eye, he saw Yuu rise from his seat on the couch apprehensively, ready to intervene if Ishikawa lost his temper. And even though Takanori knew how to take care of himself, he couldn’t help but notice a warm fluttering in his stomach at the thought of Yuu stepping in to prevent him from getting hurt. Luckily though, he knew Ishikawa to be all bark and no bite, so he wasn’t really concerned. He would just continue to shout at him, remain the unreasonable and single-minded oaf that he had always known him as.

“I hired you to prevent shit like that from happening, didn’t I? What do you think I pay you morons money for every month?! To make sure I’ll never be the _guilty party_. Like I said, that bastard won’t get a single yen from me, I’d rather spend it all on the damned trial!” he snapped full of anger.

Feeling the forerunners of a headache arise in his temples, Takanori sighed in defeat. Some people only learned things the hard way. And though it surely would do their firm no good to lose a case, in the end, it was Ishikawa’s loss. If his father didn’t end up dropping him altogether due to his imbecilic stubbornness. “Actually, our job is also to council you, and prevent you from making stupid decisions like that, but clearly we’re getting nowhere,” he muttered. “So have it your way. Refuse the settlement and go to trial. However, I have to emphasize again that this is against everything we, the Matsumoto law firm, advise you to do.” He was done with this bullshit. He hated losing, especially when he was clearly in the right, but all was lost with this idiot, who obviously needed to learn his lesson.

“Yeah, whatever! Just do what I tell you people to do!” Ishikawa hissed, turned around, grabbed his briefcase and walked towards the office door without so much as shaking Takanori’s hand as a goodbye. “Next time I expect you to comply to my wishes, and not put up such a nonsensical fuss!” With that, he left the office, slamming the door loudly on his way out.

“Just go fuck yourself!” Takanori growled at the closed office door, flipping Ishikawa off belatedly. “I can’t believe this moron,” he grumbled, before he started to gather up the files into one neat pile. He stopped halfway through as he noticed a sharp sting in his neck. He closed his eyes and rubbed the sore spot, feeling the tension in his muscles caused by the redundant stress. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Yuu trotting over to the desk. At the beginning he had tried to speak up in Takanori’s favor and help him convince Ishikawa to take the most logical course of action. However, Ishikawa had almost lost it as ‘some incompetent bastard who doesn’t have a say in this firm’ had opened his mouth, so he had urged Yuu to stay out of it to prevent yet another headache. Though Yuu had looked like he had been about to strangle Ishikawa for his insolent words. Not that Takanori could blame him.

He propped his hands up on the desk and leaned his upper body forward to shift the strain on his back and neck. The stinging was stretching to the area between his shoulder blades by now; he was more than ready for their overdue lunch break. He remained in his position as Yuu stepped behind him, and hummed silently as he felt a set of slim fingers take ahold of his shoulders. Gently, Yuu’s thumbs massaged the sore area, starting between his shoulder blades and slowly working his way up to his neck. “You’re really tense,” he mumbled, painting circles on his aching skin with his fingers.

Takanori straightened up and leant into his touch. “Hmm…” He closed his eyes and relished in the soft massage, feeling pleasant shivers run down his spine at the soothing treatment.

The shivers grew in intensity when Yuu pushed aside the strands of his hair to press his lips to his neck. He began to distribute chaste kisses on his skin, working his way upwards from the crook of his neck towards his ear. “How about I give you a nice massage tonight?” he breathed into his ear, then nibbled at the sensitive skin above Takanori’s piercings before he tugged at the lowest earring with his teeth. He increased the pressure with which he dug his thumbs into his skin, which made Takanori utter a sound somewhere between a pleased hum and a moan at the prospect of feeling these hands all over his naked skin tonight.

“How about you give it to me now?” he whispered, inching backwards until his body collided with Yuu’s, and grinding his ass against his crotch on purpose to stir him up. He could always just lock his office so they wouldn’t be disturbed, after all.

Yuu gasped at the contact, then laughed excitedly. He was about to give him an answer, when a knock at the door interrupted them. Stiffening, Yuu released his grip on Takanori’s shoulders, and stepped away from him, causing him to sigh in disappointment. _So much for that._ Turning back to stacking the files to give off the air as though he had been busy with _not_ Yuu, he clicked his tongue in annoyance at the disturbance. “Come in!” he yelled, trying his hardest to keep from telling whoever was on the other side of the door to just fuck off.

The door opened, revealing a young woman he had never seen before. She opened her mouth to introduce herself and name the reason for why she was here, but was interrupted when a little boy darted into the office. He headed straight for Yuu with a squeal. “Uncle Yuu!” he shouted in excitement, then threw himself against him, hugging his legs tightly.

Feeling his frustration evaporate into thin air, Takanori watched dumbfounded as Yuu picked the boy up with a smile, who wrapped his arms around his neck. “Hey there, buddy! Long time no see,” he greeted the boy, who giggled in response.

Clearing her throat, the woman entered the office as well, a bright smile that reminded Takanori of Yuu’s on her lips. Now that he looked at her properly, he noticed more resemblances, like the dark hair and the full lips. “Hi! I’m sorry for the interruption,” she began, bowing apologetically to Takanori. “I’m Aiko Maeda, Yuu’s sister,” she then introduced herself. “We were told that we could find him here.” Her smile widened as she glanced at her brother.

“Right,” murmured Takanori. He had known that Yuu had an older sister, but he had never much thought about her. Honestly, he had never really considered that he would meet her in person. Her surname puzzled him for a moment, before he recalled that she was married to some businessman. “I’m Takanori Matsumoto,” he bowed to her as well.

She nodded in delight, then turned around to her brother and her son. “Honey, introduce yourself,” she urged her son with a gentle, scolding voice.

Yuu set his nephew down, and softly nudged him towards Takanori. Hesitantly, he walked up to him, and Takanori gave him an encouraging smile. Clutching a stuffed animal tightly, the boy looked up to him. “I’m Koichi Maeda,” he said quietly, pressing the white creature against his chest. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Matsumoto.” He concluded his introduction with a polite bow.

Squatting, Takanori lowered himself to his eye level. “Nice to meet you, too!” He couldn’t help but find Koichi’s shyness utterly adorable; he had always had a soft spot for children. “You can call me Takanori if you like. And who’s that?” he asked kindly, pointing at the stuffed animal in Koichi’s arm.

Relaxing visibly at his cordial behavior, Koichi outstretched the stuffed animal, which revealed to be a snowman. “It’s my favorite,” he explained, a proud undertone in his voice.

“Olaf, was it?” Takanori inquired curiously as he recognized the snowman.

Koichi’s eyes lit up, and he nodded. “You know Frozen?!” he asked in awe, and Takanori could hear Yuu grunt in disbelief. The corners of his mouth twitched up into a triumphant smirk.

“Of course I do!” he assured him, then glanced at Yuu briefly to bask in his triumph; who would have guessed that this involuntary screening had been good for something in the end? “Your uncle told me all about your favorite movie. So of course I had to watch it.” The sour look on Yuu’s face was almost as priceless as the smile Koichi gave him (though they amused him for totally different reasons).

“Aren’t you twisting the facts a bit?” Yuu huffed bitterly, earning himself a quizzical look from Aiko and a snide one from Takanori. The latter caused him to shut up quickly; obviously, he wasn’t too keen on explaining the circumstances of their movie night in greater detail to his sister.

Aiko seemed to be a bit more sensitive than her brother. She quickly picked up on his foul mood that created an almost tangible tension between the two men, and clapped her hands in a deliberately cheery manner. “We actually came here to pick you up for lunch,” she explained to Yuu, then looked at her son lovingly. “Isn’t that right, honey?”

Koichi nodded, and Takanori straightened up, feeling yet another all too familiar pang of disappointment mixed with loneliness in his chest. Since he was working almost all day and night, it was nearly impossible for Kouyou to have lunch with him more than once or twice a month. Furthermore, over the course of the last weeks Takanori had gotten so used to eating with Yuu that the thought of someone else getting in the way of their joint lunch made him feel all weird. He knew how dumb and illogical that feeling was, and yet, he couldn’t keep that painful sting from spreading in his chest. Of course Yuu would choose his family over him. “I don’t wanna keep you guys, then,” he mumbled, not wanting them to leave without him, but not wanting to impose himself on them, either.

He looked down in surprise when he felt a tug on his pants. “Aren’t you coming with us?” Koichi looked as disappointed as he felt on the inside, and his heart clenched at the sight. Gazing at Yuu dumfounded, Takanori was met with a warm smile. A smile that almost instantly melted away his disappointment at the thought of being left to himself.

“Of course he’s coming with, buddy,” Yuu reassured his nephew, then stretched his hand out. With a joyful laugh, Koichi ran towards him and took his hand, bouncing up and down besides his uncle. “You don’t mind, do you?” he asked his sister, who only shook her head with a kind smile.

“The more the merrier,” she hummed, then walked towards the door.

Yuu beamed at her words, then threw Takanori a reassuring look as though he had known exactly what was going on inside of him. A thought which made him feel both exposed and secure at the same time. Because not only had Yuu apparently known how he felt deep down, but also did his best to make sure that he wouldn’t be stuck with these destructive feelings.

Because he cared.

 

 

Yuu couldn’t deny that it was hard to take his eyes off of Takanori as they were seated at their regular table in Yutaka’s family restaurant. The sight of him and Koichi sitting next to each other (Koichi had insisted on taking the spot next to Takanori) and having a vivid conversation about Frozen was almost unbearably adorable. Even though Yuu knew Takanori to be a lover of movies, he never would have guessed that he had paid this much attention to a film he had originally only selected to spite him.

“Why don’t we put Olaf on the windowsill, so he doesn’t get dirty?” Takanori suggested softly as the waiter brought their lunch, and Yuu had never seen his nephew agree to let go of his favorite stuffed animal this quickly. Normally, he put up quite a fuss, and insisted on taking the snowman everywhere and to never leave it out of his sight.

Shifting his gaze to his sister, he saw the same surprise on her face, and smiled inwardly. No matter how feisty Takanori could be, he had proven to have an extremely soft side to him – one that Yuu loved to see, no matter how rarely it showed. He picked up his chopsticks, thereby clearing his throat to sort his thoughts and get his sister’s attention. “So, how long are you guys gonna stay in Tokyo?” he asked. He hadn’t even known that they had planned a visit, and had been positively surprised when they had shown up in Takanori’s office so unexpectedly. “What about Daisuke? Is he here as well?”

Aiko shook her head at the questions of her husband’s whereabouts. “No. He originally wanted to come with us, but then some urgent business came up, and he had to drive to Osaka instead. He might be able to join us on the weekend, though,” she said, absent-mindedly digging through her meal with her chopsticks. “We’re gonna stay at the house ‘till Sunday, I’ve had some unused holidays left.”

Yuu nodded understandingly, exchanging a knowing look with Takanori. Both of them knew all too well what it meant to be too busy to catch one’s breath and go on vacation. They both could relate to Daisuke’s circumstances far too well. “Ma’s gonna be overjoyed then,” he mused. “She loves to have someone around that she can spoil.” Sadly, he wouldn’t have too much time on his hands to spend with his family during the week. And he would probably refrain from joining them if it meant having to deal with his father again. He still hadn’t spoken to him ever since their last argument. Though it was a pity, given how rarely he got to see his sister and his beloved nephew.

“Sounds a lot like my mom,” Takanori laughed, chiming in on their conversation, all the while he helped Koichi hold his chopsticks the right way; he always tended to mess it up again, no matter how often they taught him. By now, Yuu almost suspected that he did it on purpose to gain their attention, though he would never tell his sister, so he wouldn’t disgruntle her. His father and he might have possessed a temper, but compared to her wrath, they both looked like a harmless gust of wind that clashed with a ruthless hurricane. Especially when it came to her precious baby boy. But he guessed that mothers could get that way when it came to their children. Just like they tended to spoil anyone rotten they could get their hands on. “She always wants to treat everyone to something good. She loves taking care of others. Guess that’s why she decided to get a dog after I moved out.”

“Your mommy’s got a dog?” Koichi mumbled, mouth full of food, but eyes sparkling with excitement. Receiving a stern look from his mom, he swallowed and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, which left a stain on the bright fabric. Aiko sighed in defeat. Though Yuu wasn’t as excitable over a dog as his nephew was, the fact that Takanori’s mother owned a dog still made him prick up his ears; this was the first time he heard about it.

Takanori smiled, put down his chopsticks and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through it for a few seconds, then showed it to Koichi. “That’s him,” he explained, his features softening not only at Koichi’s _aww-_ sounds, but apparently at the thought of the dog. “His name’s Koron.” Feeling the curious stares of Aiko and Yuu, he briefly turned the phone around, so they could have a look at it as well. And although Yuu had always considered himself to be more of a cat person, he found himself silently chiming in on Koichi’s expressions of adoration at the sight of the small dog with the black fur and brown highlights. On the picture, it had its tongue stuck out all haughtily, yet still appeared like the sweetest creature on the entire planet.

Koichi bounced up and down on his seat all excitedly. “Mommy, mommy, look how cute he is!!” he shouted, his gaze wandering back and forth between the phone and Aiko. “Can we get one as well? Pleaseeee!!”

“Who is cute?” Yutaka entered the conversation with a laugh, finally having some room to breathe to join them briefly. Yuu gave him a happy wave, then pointed at the phone in Takanori’s hand with his chopsticks, meanwhile he was chewing on one of his shrimps. However, Yutaka furrowed his brows, followed the direction Yuu was pointing in with his gaze, and tilted his head. “Who, Takanori?” he asked in mock bafflement.

Although his smirk that lit up his face only a split second later revealed his comment to be a joke, Yuu’s heart still skipped a beat, his cheeks still blushed furiously, and he still choked on his piece of shrimp. Coughing as silently and inconspicuously as possible as to not attract everyone’s attention, Yuu quickly took a sip of his Coke to wash down the piece that had gotten stuck in his throat. “No, I meant the dog!” he objected quickly, giving Takanori’s leg a nudge (who was seemingly enjoying his embarrassing situation way too much to do anything about it) to show the picture of Koron to Yutaka as well.

He finally took pity on Yuu almost dying in his chair of embarrassment and shortness of breath, and held out his phone to Yutaka. “That’s my mom’s dog, Koron,” Takanori explained, suppressing a smirk as he caught a glimpse of Yuu’s reddened cheeks.

“Can we get one as well??” Koichi repeated, flashing his mother his best puppy eyes.

Aiko sighed. “We’ll have to ask your dad first, honey,” she restrained from a definite answer. However, that didn’t keep Koichi from talking about Koron and fantasizing about owning a dog of his own for the rest of lunch, all the while he stayed glued to Takanori’s side. It wasn’t news to Yuu that his nephew warmed up to strangers pretty quickly, particularly when they were as kind and gentle as Takanori was, but the way he had so obviously doted on him within the span of an hour left even Aiko and him in awe.

 

 

Stretching out comfortably on Yuu’s double bed, Takanori rolled his shoulders tentatively, feeling the same tension pull at his muscles he had already felt back at his office. Thankfully, the rest of the day had gone by without any more maddening incidents, and meeting some more members of Yuu’s family – especially Koichi – had turned out surprisingly pleasing. At the end of their lunch, Koichi had even hugged him tightly, just like he had hugged Yuu when they had said their goodbyes.

But despite the more uneventful afternoon, Takanori still hadn’t forgotten about Yuu’s offer. And he was intend on taking him up on it.

He smirked as the mattress shifted beneath him, and only seconds after, Yuu cautiously climbed on top of him. He placed his fingertips on his lower back, then traced light patterns up his spine. He felt pleasant shivers all over his body as his warm fingertips caressed his bare skin. Takanori sighed contently when he took ahold of his shoulders, and gently rubbed them, before he dug his thumbs into the skin between his shoulder blades. “How’s that feel?” Yuu whispered, painting small circles on his back, massaging the sore spot pointedly as though he had been doing this for decades.

“Like heaven,” he murmured, then turned his head to put a different strain on his neck.

Yuu laughed quietly, dragging his thumbs upward to his nape with slight pressure before he continued to massage the naked skin. “And this?” he asked, replaced the tips of his fingers with his fingernails, and scraped across the sensitive skin ever so slightly. Not enough to hurt Takanori but enough to give him goosebumps allover. Instead of an answer, he simply hummed appreciatively, and closed his eyes to enjoy his massage to the fullest extent. He continued to be amazed by the qualities that Yuu commenced to reveal about himself, and not for the first time he thought about how much of a keeper he seemed to be. How much of a lucky bastard the man was who would get to spend the rest of his life with him.

However, having Yuu’s fingers glide all over his skin in a soothing manner made it impossible for Takanori to feel disappointed or sad at that thought. He felt the warmth emanating from their direct contact where he sat on top of his pelvis, and breathed in his scent from the fresh bedsheets. For now, he belonged to him, and to him alone.

“Hey, Nori?” Yuu broke their comfortable silence after a few more minutes of massaging him, and his heart skipped a beat when he called him by this nickname. The nickname he had coined when he had been drunk out of his mind, and that he hadn’t used ever since until now. And though it wasn’t the first nickname he had gotten over the years, it still made his stomach flutter, made him feel so weird on the inside.

_Special._

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Frowning, Takanori opened his eyes as Yuu stopped in his movements, and rested his hands on his shoulder blades instead. His voice seemed weirdly off, like he was deep in thought, something that truly didn’t match their current pastime. His tone had been serious as well, which only deepened his frown. “Shoot,” he said, feeling a bit wary on the inside.

“Have you ever… uhm, you know… considered, uhm… having a family?” Yuu asked carefully, as though he was treading on thin ice with his question. Rightly so, for Takanori felt his body tense at the words. “I mean, uhm… Have you ever thought about having kids one day?”

He kept silent for a while, trying his hardest to ignore the sharp pain in his chest. “I don’t know,” he lied, then nudged Yuu’s knee as a sign to give him some room to turn around. “Where’s this stemming from?” he wanted to know once they were face to face.

Yuu shrugged. “I don’t know, I just…” He ran his fingers through his hair, then shrugged again. “I don’t normally think that far ahead,” he admitted silently. “I mean, most of my relationships only lasted a few months at best, and I can count them on one hand. So I never even considered things like marriage, or kids. But sometimes, when… when I see Aiko with Koichi, I can’t help but think about what it would be like, you know?” He gestured vaguely with his hand, before he absent-mindedly dropped it onto Takanori’s bare chest. “I think I might actually like it. Raising a child, I mean. But I’m not sure, because like I said, I never seriously thought about this.”

“I get that,” he retorted just as quietly, propping himself up on his elbows. “I don’t know,” he said again, then stared at Yuu’s – still clothed – chest, losing himself deep in thought. Deep in painful memories. “You know, back when I was still with Akira-” the name rolled off his tongue like poison, and he couldn’t help but shudder as he said it. “Back when I still thought that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him, I would fantasize about having a kid one day. About what it would be like to raise a child with him. But-“ He pressed his lips together into a thin line as they started to tremble; his emotions were boiling deep within, burning his heart with an old pain again.

“But?” Yuu inquired softly, prompting him to continue talking.

Takanori shook his head as sadness filled him up. “But Akira made it very clear that he didn’t want kids. So one day I just gave up. I told myself that it’d be okay as long as I got to spend the rest of my life with him. Back then it had been a compromise I’d been willing to make. For his sake.” He finally dared to look up to Yuu, and smiled sadly. “Pathetic, isn’t it? I was so desperate to keep him by my side, and in the end the exact opposite happened.” Maybe it had been some kind of reckoning. Some bad Karma that had accumulated over the years before it had punished him for whatever wrong-doings he had been guilty of.

A deep frown appeared on Yuu’s face. “That doesn’t seem right, though,” he commented on Takanori’s part of their little heart to heart. “I don’t know whether one should make compromises like that when it comes to something as huge as having kids,” he murmured, then stroked his chest lightly; he didn’t even seem to take notice of his fingers’ movement. “I don’t mean to talk down on past you or anything. I just… I just think it’s wrong. And I think it would’ve been selfish of him to let you do this. You know, let you give up on having kids one day just for his sake. I wouldn’t have let you if I had been in his shoes.” In the dim light of the bedside lamp, Takanori watched him blush, and he felt that deep desire to kiss Yuu. To kiss him and thereby show him how much he appreciated his honesty. How much he appreciated his sweetness. How much he appreciated him.

He cleared his throat to swallow the memories, and all the heartache that came with it. Yuu wasn’t wrong, but back then it had also felt wrong for him to force his will onto Akira. And back then, it had also been out of the question to leave him over their differences in opinion; in all honesty, it had taken him catching Akira in the middle of fucking another man for him to take that step. To leave him, and to finally see all the things that had went wrong in their relationship he had always deemed so flawless. “Let’s just stick to the following,” he pondered, locking all things Akira away deep down in the darkest parts of his heart and mind. “You don’t have to make up your mind about whether you want kids or not immediately. One day you’ll meet the right person, and then things like that will most likely fall into place all on their own.”

“Do they though?” Yuu asked, voice barely audible. “Didn’t you think that Akira was the right person?”

His words caused Takanori to freeze for a moment, and his heart sank to his stomach. Part of him wanted to snap at Yuu, but that part died down again immediately as he noticed the rueful expression on his face. And once again on this day, he reminded himself that Yuu would never intentionally hurt him. Because he cared about him. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t the right one.” It hurt to admit these things, to even allow these thoughts into his head, but at the same time it felt oddly freeing as well. Because no matter how much it hurt to admit this harsh truth, it also made him look up to the cloudy sky in search for the silver lining, instead of the omnipresent rainclouds overhead. Maybe admitting the truth would finally make him look ahead instead of always looking back, and focus on the future instead of the past. And there was no room for Akira in his future. He finally had to accept that he wasn’t part of it.

But Yuu was.

Or at least he could be if Takanori managed to not screw things up this time. Because he really liked Yuu, he liked having him around. He liked spending time with him within the boundaries of their little arrangement, and their blooming friendship. “Right now, I’m really not looking for my undying love. I’m not looking for the right person, the one and only over all other men,” he huffed, then grabbed the hem of Yuu’s shirt and pulled himself upright, so that their crotches pressed together. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and brought his lips close to Yuu’s, tasting his warm breath on his lips. Tauntingly, he brushed Yuu’s lips with his, then pulled back again, only to bring their lips together once more. “But you can be my one and only for tonight,” he breathed, before he pressed their lips together in a passionate kiss.

Yuu’s answer was voiceless as he returned the kiss, wrapped his arms around Takanori’s waist, and slowly lowered him onto the mattress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day early, since I work late shift again tomorrow~!


	19. Chapter 19

“What are you doing?”

Yuu looked up in surprise when he heard Takanori’s voice. He scrutinized him with a raised eyebrow as the other tilted his head, lollipop between his lips. “I’m looking for some files,” he explained to him, motioning at the spread files on one of the tables of the files room. In all seriousness, what he was doing was pretty obvious in his opinion. Whereas the question what exactly Takanori was doing here was much more interesting, since Yuu didn’t recall him being in need of any of the archived files for today’s duties. “Can I help you with something?” he asked when he continued to watch him dig through one of the cartons for another file, as though he was waiting for him to do something specific.

Takanori shook his head. “Oh no, I’m good.” He pushed the lollipop around in his mouth cavity with his tongue, giving off a contemplative air.

“Uh-huh,” Yuu murmured skeptically, then got back to work. He felt relegated to the days when he had been nothing but a rookie at his father’s firm. It had taken over a year until his father had let him handle his first real case after he had graduated from law school, and he had treated Yuu worse than any paralegal. Although in comparison to that he was respected in the Matsumoto law firm, the mundane job of searching for specific files was still tedious and vexing. Maybe Takanori had come to check up on him, to see how he was doing?

Yuu was stuck between ignoring him and asking him what the hell he wanted, and he knew that disregarding him on purpose would be the smarter solution. Because the more time passed the more he felt like Takanori had come by the files room simply to annoy him. However, the more minutes passed the more unbearable his stares became for Yuu, until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Okay, the hell are you doing here?” he inquired in irritation, dropping the file he had just skimmed through onto the discard pile.

“Nothing,” Takanori hummed, though his act of innocence didn’t fool Yuu, who could feel his body tense warily at the strange encounter. Apprehensively, he watched as he pulled the lollipop out of his mouth, running the ball of sugar along his lips, before licking them lasciviously. Yuu felt shivers run down his spine as Takanori’s tongue darted out of his mouth, circling the lollipop teasingly, the sight of which filled him with a tingling want. He wasn’t planning to get down to business right here in the files room, where anyone could walk in at any second, now was he?

Gulping down his desires that mixed with anxiety as to his weird behavior, Yuu tried to speak up, when Takanori stepped forward. As he was closing in on him, he subconsciously backed away until he felt the table press against his pelvis. “What are you doing?” he hissed, then held his breath as Takanori shoved the lollipop back into his mouth and slid his fingers up his chest; he left a burning trail on Yuu’s skin wherever his fingers touched him.

He smiled his smug smile, pulled the lollipop back out slowly (which drove Yuu almost crazy) and tilted his head once more. “Why are you so nervous?” He had given anything to wipe that smirk off of Takanori’s lips, however, he was frozen on the spot, uncomprehending of what the other was playing at. “Relax, I’m not gonna assault you,” Takanori giggled, though his words did not really ease the tension Yuu was feeling. “We’re past that stage in our relationship, wouldn’t you agree?” He shrugged nonchalantly, as though he had talked about the weather, and not his repeated attempts to get under his skin after they had first met. “Actually, I was wondering what you’re doing tonight.”

Yuu frowned, unable to connect the dots. Why was Takanori acting so weird, teasing him like crazy with his damned lollipop? If all he wanted to know was what Yuu had planned for the evening, then why not just ask him straightforward? “Nothing,” he imitated him, the frown on his forehead deepening.

“Oh, is that so?” Takanori pouted, then he ran his tongue along the lollipop again, causing Yuu to inhale instantly in order to calm his more primal urges. “I was kinda hoping you were gonna do _me_ tonight,” he then purred, and Yuu’s eyes widened in disbelief. Not that he was shocked at his blatant words with which he suggested yet another night of passionate sex. He was certainly used to that by now, but the way in which Takanori acted still came off as extremely strange.

Clearing his throat, he looked towards the door to make sure they were still alone. “You know if you wanted sex you could’ve just said so instead of staging such a ham.” He felt his cheeks blush, but forced himself to press on. “Besides, you should know by now that you don’t have to, uhm… rile me up like that for me to agree, right?” Sometimes he wished he knew what was going through Takanori’s head.

“Hmm…” Absent-mindedly, Takanori pulled the lollipop from between his red lips to drag it across the part of Yuu’s chest that wasn’t covered by his shirt. He shuddered as he felt the sticky trail on his skin. Then, Takanori quickly darted forward to run his tongue over the exact same spot, licking the sugar off his chest. Instead of a cry of protest, a muffled moan escaped his lips. He dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands to keep himself from grabbing Takanori and throwing him against one of the shelves to devour him; and maybe punish him for his insolence while he was at it. Takanori got on his toes, and pressed his lips against Yuu’s ear. “I’d love to, you know, spoil you tonight,” he whispered, then licked his earlobe teasingly. “Just pleasure you in every way imaginable, and let you do whatever the hell you want to me in return,” he breathed, lifted his knee and grinded it against Yuu’s crotch.

Gasping, Yuu felt his cock harden as Takanori’s knee pressed against it, filling his whole body with an insatiable want. Mental images of him worshipping those legs once again shot through his head, and he moaned once more. He jerked his hips forward to feel Takanori’s leg against his cock more intensely.

However, feeling how he had worked Yuu up quite a bit, Takanori lowered his knee and took a step back, thereby pulling a woeful face. Yuu grunted in disapproval, and Takanori shook his head in a regretful manner. “Sadly I’ll need some kind of, hm… incentive,” he mused, then he licked his goddamn lollipop once more. “After all, you need to earn something like this, wouldn’t you agree?”

At his words, the puzzle pieces fell into place, and Yuu cursed under his breath. He should have put two and two together minutes ago. Should have long figured out that Takanori was after something; something Yuu would normally refuse him because otherwise he hadn’t come up with his seductive tactics. “What do you want?” he spit out, too frustrated now that he had worked him up so shamelessly to care about his vile tone of voice.

“Nothing much,” Takanori hummed, trying to fake a careless smile, but he didn’t fool Yuu for a second. So he did want something he wouldn’t agree to so lightly. Therefore, instead of indulging him, Yuu stared him down angrily until he caved in and sighed. “I was hoping you were gonna go to the movies with me,” he explained reluctantly.

Yuu frowned even more now. All this sham only to see a movie together? He didn’t get it. Takanori could have simply asked him to go to the movies together, after all. Unless… “What kind of movie?” he asked with caution.

Takanori pouted yet again. “There’s this new movie I’ve been dying to see,” he mumbled. “Kou’s never got time, plus, he always refuses to watch something like this with me. Since he doesn’t like horror movies much, you know? I was hoping you’d tag along, so I wouldn’t have to go alone.” He shot Yuu a pleading look, trying his hardest to mimic Koichi’s puppy eyes from a few days earlier when he had tried to convince Aiko to get him a dog, but failing miserably.

“All this crap just to convince me to watch another stupid horror movie with you?!” Yuu pressed out in disbelief. “Are you serious?” He laughed dryly, “I can’t believe it. No way in hell am I gonna go watch one of these _things_ with you again. Find yourself someone else.”

The pout vanished from his face, and got replaced by a disappointed expression. “Oh come on! Please, Yuu, I’m begging you! I’ll even pay for your ticket!” Takanori pleaded, tugging at his sleeve like a little child. “Please, just this once! I’ve waited for months for this movie to be released, and I really wanna watch it in the cinema! Please don’t make me go by myself!” he begged. “And I meant what I said. You can totally do anything you want to me afterwards.” Another desperate try, another tug at Yuu’s sleeve.

Yuu rolled his eyes. “How about strangle you?” he grumbled. “I’m sorry, but I refuse. I’m not gonna sit through another one of these horrifying movies and suffer a heart attack at the age of twenty-eight.” He wriggled out of Takanori’s grip, gave it his best effort to blank out his face that was ridden with disappointment, and walked toward the door. Maybe he would have given him another answer if he had asked him sincerely instead of trying to coax him into agreeing to it with these questionable methods. Yuu was almost offended at the thought that he had tried to get him to agree with such cheap tricks, no matter how bad he felt for declining Takanori’s plea. And on top of everything, now they were both left with feeling frustrated since they both got denied what they wanted.

Hurriedly, Yuu piled out of the files room. He needed a cigarette as soon as possible to calm down his mind, and more importantly, his body.

 

 

For the most part of the rest of the day, Takanori avoided him. He only shot him disappointed glances whenever they passed each other in the hallways, or when they stepped into his office at the same time, which fed into Yuu’s guilty conscience until it became unbearable for him. Yet, he still didn’t cave in, telling himself how he would most certainly get over it, since this was only a stupid movie. Certainly, all Takanori needed was some time and space to calm down. Though he also knew him to be quite spiteful, so he fully expected Takanori to ignore him on purpose for a while.

However, he didn’t get very far in waiting to see how his theory would turn out and whether Takanori’s disappointment would shift to resentment eventually.

Approaching the employees’ kitchen to fetch himself a cup of coffee, Yuu halted at the door that stood ajar as he spotted Takanori and one of the paralegals standing by the counter, deep in conversation. He wouldn’t have thought much about it, had it not been that one paralegal that had been getting on his nerves repeatedly with the way he always eyed Takanori. It was pretty obvious to him that this Jirou-guy was interested in him, with the way he transformed into a blushing and stuttering mess every time he entered a room. Not that Yuu was much different under certain circumstances, however, he thought himself to be a great deal more graceful, and less clumsy and obvious.

Though normally, that fact alone wouldn’t keep him from joining them in the kitchen. Neither would his disagreement with Takanori, but the next sentence set off his alarm bells, and glued him to the door, where he stood unable to move a muscle.

“So, uhh, Mr. Matsumoto, uh… I was wondering whether, uhhh…” Yuu cringed at the stuttering, and rolled his eyes. Despite the fact that he had experienced firsthand the kind of effect Takanori had on people, he still thought it ridiculous how this guy couldn’t even string together a few simple words to a single coherent phrase.

To his dismay, Takanori shot the paralegal an encouraging smile. “Jirou, how often have I told you to call me Takanori?” he scolded him kindly, then handed the pot of coffee to his coworker.

Jirou managed to shake so much while pouring himself a cup that he spilled the coffee, staining the bright kitchen counter with a dark puddle. He didn’t even notice as he stared at Takanori, making such big mooneyes at him that Yuu began to fell nauseous. “Of course, Mr. Mats- uhhh, Takanori. I’m sorry.”

Still smiling, Takanori silently grabbed a cloth and cleaned up the mess Jirou had made. It filled Yuu with a burning indignation towards Jirou that only fed into his annoyance with the paralegal, who truly wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. Why would he smile at that clumsy idiot and clean up his mess for him as though he was a child? Why wouldn’t he call him a moron, or at least scold him for his stupidity? Sure, some spilled coffee didn’t mean the end of the world, and maybe Yuu got a bit too worked up about something that normally wasn’t a big deal. But maybe that smile of Takanori’s was also a bit too friendly, and that Jirou-idiot totally wasn’t deserving of it. Nor of his patience, nor his kindness. It rankled Yuu extremely.

“What did you want to ask me?” Takanori asked, and Yuu bit back a groan.

 _Don’t encourage him!_ he wanted to shout, but bit his tongue in order to remain silent. It would have been far too embarrassing to reveal himself like that when he was listening in on their conversation so shamelessly. And deep down, Yuu knew that it was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t swallow down that dreadful feeling that something bad was about to happen. So he stayed put, a motionless fly on the wall.

“Right. Well, I heard, uhh… some talk that you’re… c-currently single, and I was wondering whether… I mean, uhh… I know this isn’t really appropriate, since you’re almost like my boss, but I admire you a lot and I thought that maybe you’d like to, uhh… Would you maybe, uhh… like to go out with me?” Jirou managed to utter his incoherent mess of gibberish, and Yuu froze at the content of his words. “Maybe t-tonight?” Jirou added hastily, not stammering as pathetically anymore, now that the worst part was out in the open.

Takanori’s mouth fell agape in surprise, and Yuu could see the shock on his face. With all his know-it-all attitude, he hadn’t seen it coming that his colleague, who was so obviously infatuated with him, would ask him out on a date. Under any other circumstances, Yuu would have basked in the fact that for once he had realized something before Takanori had, but right now he felt anything but triumphant. Because maybe that was the worst part: Yuu couldn’t predict at all how Takanori would react. And though part of him was almost a hundred percent certain that he would decline (because first, he had just been in a lengthy relationship that had ended badly, and second, he was currently fucking Yuu), some unfamiliar part deep inside of Yuu clenched up, fearful of what Takanori would answer. What if he decided to drag that guy along to watch his stupid movie? What if he decided that it was much less troublesome to spend time with him, and make him watch a billion more horror movies? Since Jirou hung on his every word, and would surely be at his every beck and call? What if he decided that he would much rather get fucked by him than by Yuu?

At that thought, Yuu panicked. Before he knew what he was doing, he burst into the kitchen. “Sorry, but I’m afraid he’s not free tonight,” he hissed, his voice sounding viler than he had intended it to be. _Or anytime soon._

“I’m not?” Takanori interjected incredulously, before Jirou could reply to his bold words, raising an eyebrow at Yuu in a quizzical manner. He was silently demanding him to explain himself at once.

Yuu realized that he had just given himself away, but at the moment he had far more important matters to take care of than his unabashed eavesdropping. Although Jirou obviously hadn’t even caught up on the fact that Yuu had overheard them, Takanori very much had, his eyes shooting daggers at him that only worsened his anxiety. However, he knew he had to act fast if he didn’t want to risk losing what they had. “Yeah, we wanted to watch that horror movie, didn’t we?” It didn’t even occur to Yuu how desperate he must have seemed. There was just no way in hell he would let a stupid movie get in between the two of them. Or a stupid, stuttering paralegal.

Takanori narrowed his eyes. “We did?” he inquired suspiciously, trying to figure out where Yuu’s change of heart was stemming from. He also seemed to be debating whether he should be happy about it, or decline his belated consent angrily and tell him to fuck off. Yuu was sincerely hoping for the first option, so he nodded ferociously. To his relief, he watched Takanori’s face brighten up, and the iron-clad fist around his heart disappeared. “Right, we did!” ´He turned around to face Jirou. “I’m really sorry, I’m hanging out with Yuu tonight.”

He fell silent for a moment, then sighed and put on a serious expression. “I’m really flattered by your offer. You’re really sweet. But I’m not interested in dating anyone at the moment. Or anytime soon,” he tactfully declined Jirou’s endeavors. “I’m really sorry.”

“Right, of course, I understand,” Jirou murmured, thereby turning a deep shade of red in embarrassment, which made Yuu almost feel sorry for him. However, the selfish side of him was too strong to care, so he simply watched Jirou trot out of the kitchen with slouched shoulders in ugly satisfaction, glad that he had stepped in when he had. No matter how slim the chances had been that Takanori would have agreed to go on a date with the paralegal.

He peered at Yuu, the frown on his forehead speaking volumes. “What happened? Afraid I was gonna make him the same offer I made you?” he asked sardonically. “Jealous much?” he mocked him, intent on making Yuu regret his rash decision as quickly as possible.

“Of course not!” Yuu objected, feeling his cheeks burn all treacherously. “After all, I’m much more handsome than him. Why would I get jealous of someone like him?”

He didn’t even fully realize his own pretentious words until he noticed Takanori roll his eyes in disbelief. “Oh wow,” he snorted. “I didn’t think you were _that_ vain. Either that, or you’re just incredibly jealous and don’t wanna admit it.”

“I’m neither jealous, nor vain,” Yuu protested. “I’m just stating the facts.”

“Oh, you’re so vain. You’re a vain, jealous dummy.”

“Oh, shut up, will you?”

“Make me.”

“I will. Tonight.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“It’s a fact. And don’t forget that you’re paying for my ticket.”

 

 

Takanori really did pay for his ticket.

And he really did drag him into the movie.

Yuu couldn’t believe his own stupidity that had ended him up in this situation, completely stiff on one of the comfortable seats in the movie theater. He flinched at every jump scare and every character that got brutally murdered onscreen while fake blood splattered everywhere to make their deaths even more dramatic. He would never understand how Takanori could like these sort of movies this much. To him they were nothing but poor excuses to get as inventive and as gross in coming up with different ways of killing people as possible. Why did he have to get so damn

_(jealous)_

annoyed when Jirou had asked Takanori out on a date that he had voluntarily agreed to accompany him? He should have just kept his mouth shut. Takanori would have probably declined either way, so why had he even bothered? _Stupid, stupid,_ Yuu thought to himself, closing his eyes abruptly as yet another one of the expendable minor characters got dragged off by whatever ominous entity the characters were dealing with.

He almost screamed when he felt a hand on his arm, and his heartrate increased drastically. Startled, he stared at Takanori, whose face was a mixture of worry and amusement. Yuu didn’t care how hilarious he thought his jumpiness to be, he just wanted the damn movie to end already.

Takanori leaned over to him. “You wanna hold my hand or something?” he whispered mockingly, and Yuu swatted his hand away.

“Blow me, Matsumoto!” he hissed, taking deep breaths to calm down his blood pressure.

An unreadable expression settled on Takanori’s face, and he tugged on his lower lip with his teeth thoughtfully. “Wow, you’re naughty,” he retorted, then shrugged nonchalantly. “If you insist.”

Yuu gasped in terror as Takanori dropped off his seat without hesitation and onto his knees in front of him, his hands reaching for the waistline of his pants. “What the hell are you doing?” He whispered in shock, feeling his heartbeat pick up pace again as Takanori tugged on his pants. “Stop it!” Alarmed, he looked around them, but since they were attending the late-night performance, there were not many other people around. The last row, in which they were seated, was completely empty except for the two of them, with only a couple of people sitting a few rows below them.

“ _Shit!_ ” He gasped as Takanori palmed his cock through his pants, and the part that tried to resist him shrunk with every passing second, no matter how bad of an idea this was.

He tried to swat his persistent hands away, but his self-restraint was beginning to run through his fingers like sand, rendering him immobile, unable to stop what was about to happen. The part of him that craved it, the part that got excited about the risk of getting caught, was simply too strong. Until it overshadowed the part of him that almost choked him up with anxiety at the thought of being spotted. In a daze, as though he wasn’t really there and only functioned as an onlooker, he stopped moving, and watched Takanori in the dim light of the screen. He hastily opened his pants, slid his hand into his boxers and grabbed his cock eagerly. Yuu suppressed a moan at the touch, contemplating for the last time to shove Takanori away, maybe even flee from the cinema hall, and wait outside until the movie was over. However, his last resistance crumbled to pieces within him as Takanori lowered his head to lick the underside of his cock once. Then, he wrapped his lips around it, causing Yuu to gasp once more as he felt the warm hotness of his mouth engulf his pulsing cock.

He gripped the armrests of his seat, digging his nails into them as Takanori started to bob his head up and down, running his lips over his hardening cock, driving Yuu insane with lust and desire. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together to keep silent as he felt his tongue circle around the tip of his cock, and jerked his hips forwards, making Takanori gag lightly as he hit the back of his throat. He bit down on his cock in return to punish him for his rough treatment, but the sharp pain that shot through his cock only aroused him more. Yuu entwined his fingers with Takanori’s strands, and pulled his head down onto his cock, forcing him to take in as much of his length as he could handle. He hissed against his cock, but obediently continued to move his head up and down, sucking Yuu off willingly, all the while his fingers squeezed his shaft tightly to stimulate him even more.

Desperately biting back several moans, Yuu tugged at Takanori’s strands yearningly, too intoxicated by the ecstatic feeling to think clearly anymore. He thrust his hips forward to meet Takanori’s mouth whenever it slid down his cock. He took his thrusts without further complaints, only scraping his teeth along his cock in order to tease, but not punish him for his roughness. He felt his cock harden more with every thrust, with every lick and every time that Takanori’s lips glided along his erection, until the throbbing in his cock became almost unbearable. He felt his eyes roll back as Takanori caught the precum on the tip of his cock with his lips, and licked across the tip again. He gave Yuu’s cock a few determined strokes that pushed him dangerously close to the edge, before he lowered his mouth onto his cock again. He distributed light kisses on his erection, then licked his length up and down once more before taking Yuu in again.

Yuu felt his field of vision blur, and his hips jerked forwards one more time as he released into Takanori’s mouth; the moan he failed to hold in got swallowed up by a loud scream onscreen. Drunk on his orgasm, he watched Takanori swallow through half-closed eyelids, then felt his tongue on his now limp cock once again as he licked any remaining traces of cum off of it.

Wiping his swollen lips with a smug smile, Takanori rose and reclaimed his seat next to Yuu, resuming to watch the movie as though nothing had just happened between them. Hastily, Yuu fastened up his pants, cheeks burning hotly from the remainders of his arousal, as well as the embarrassment of what they had just done.

Publicly.

He swallowed down a chunk of panic and shrunk into his seat when he noticed a person from the audience get up from their seat and trot up the stairs, presumably to head for the restroom. He tried his hardest to push the thought that they could have been caught any second if that person had decided to get up earlier as far back into the rearmost corner of his mind as he could manage. Desperate to distract himself from the feeling of Takanori’s lips around his cock, and trying very hard to calm his body after his orgasm, he tried to follow the happenings onscreen as intently as he could manage. However, no matter how much he tried to focus on the movie, all he could think about was Takanori, and Takanori alone.

 

 

“Wow that was awesome!” Takanori stretched his arms into the air with a content sigh as they stepped out of the building, and hummed happily.

“Huh?” Yuu murmured, still a bit disoriented after Takanori’s semi-public blowjob. He still couldn’t believe they had actually done that, still couldn’t believe that he had let Takanori do this without putting up any real resistance. Without letting his brain do the thinking for once instead of his dick. They could have been caught, and worse, they could have been slapped with a lawsuit for public indecency. That would have been a fun way of coming out to his family and Yutaka, his only real friend (besides Takanori). “Fuck!” he cursed under his breath, scolding himself for his stupidity. The more time he spent with Takanori, the clearer it became to him just how fucking addicted he was to him. Dangerously so.

Takanori glanced at him questioningly. “You okay?” he asked in a concerned tone as they walked the short distance to the parking lot. “You look like you just saw a ghost or something. Was the movie that bad?”

Yuu looked at him like a dimwit, unable to utter a single word. Unable to comprehend Takanori’s question, since he had long forgotten that they had originally come here to watch a movie. And failed, at least on his part, for he couldn’t even remember a third of it.

When he continued to look at Takanori as though he was an alien, the other frowned. “Uh, I’m sorry, then, I guess. I was hoping you’d at least have a bit of a good time.” He shrugged, then fumbled for his car keys in the pocket of his coat.

Yuu remained silent until they had reached the car, which almost seemed like a life buoy to him. Like a safe place far from the insanity they had just committed. Though the part of him that had been thrilled at the risk of getting caught was riling its head in protest as Yuu got to deal with the remnants of his heedless actions.

“I can’t believe you did that,” he burst out as soon as the doors closed behind them, and this time it was Takanori’s turn to look at him clueless.

“Did what?” he asked with a frown, his mind evidently still stuck on the movie. Apparently, Yuu’s blushing was answer enough for him, though, because that damned smirk reappeared on his face. “Oh. _That._ ” He sniggered while he ignited the engine. “Yeah, I can’t believe it either,” he hummed carelessly, then started to maneuver the car out of its parking space. “You really bring the naughty out in me.”

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock. “What do you mean I-?” he started, then shook his head in disbelief. “Do you mean to tell me you’ve never done something like this before either?” he whispered, all the while his thoughts started to spin around like a carousel. The confident way in which Takanori had acted had made him assume that unlike him he hadn’t stepped onto new territory at all.

Takanori shot him a quick glance as they halted at the gate of the parking lot. “Like what? Give someone a blowjob in the middle of a movie in a theater?” He laughed almost sheepishly. “Nope. I actually haven’t,” he admitted, then returned his gaze back to the street.

“I can’t believe it,” Yuu murmured incredulously. “You’re gonna be the death of me.” If only it wasn’t for that damned fluttering in his stomach at the thought that he had been Takanori’s first in this regard as well. If only he didn’t feel so damn happy about discussing an indecent blowjob with his friend-slash-lover. When in reality he should be appalled, and concerned about what would have happened if they had been caught.

As though he could read his mind, Takanori reached across the center console, seized Yuu’s thigh and squeezed in reassuringly. “Relax. Nothing happened, now did it?” His hand lingered on his thigh for a moment longer than necessary, which made him feel all weird and fuzzy on the inside, before he returned it to the steering wheel. “The next time I blow you will be behind closed doors if that makes you feel better, alright?”

A defeated sigh was Yuu’s only response. No matter how much he wished he was stronger than this, he knew all too well that next time Takanori got any funny ideas like that again, he would most certainly end up complying again.

Because God knew he simply couldn’t resist this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank everyone so much for the continued support! ♥


	20. Chapter 20

“I wonder whether lipstick would suit you.”

Quizzically, Yuu looked at Takanori, who was holding up a dark red lipstick in front of his face, flashing a contemplative expression. His look wandered back and forth between Yuu’s face and the lipstick a few more times, then he shook his head. “Nah,” he denied his former thought, looked at the other colors for a brief moment and then shook his head again. “Sorry, but I don’t think you’re the kind of guy that would pull off lipstick. I think it’d diminish the look of your full lips.”

Yuu blinked, totally baffled at the notion that Takanori spared these kinds of thoughts about his lips, and blushed at his last comment. Not knowing how to answer, he turned his head and looked around the cosmetic store they had spent the last twenty-five minutes in. Then he watched Takanori as he dropped the red lipstick into his shopping basket, where a lot of items had ended up in while they had been in the shop. Though Yuu wasn’t unfamiliar with the task of shopping for a bit of makeup, he had never seen a man so eager and interested when it came to cosmetics. Seeing Takanori trot through the rows and comment on all the different products left him in awe. If he hadn’t been able to guess already by how professionally done his makeup always looked, Yuu would have realized after their shopping tour at the latest just how passionate he was about cosmetics.

“Yeah, no, I’ve tried lipstick before,” Yuu mused silently. “When I was younger. Didn’t really like it, it made my lips look kinda… flat.” He rubbed the back of his neck, thereby grinning at Takanori sheepishly. It had taken a lot of trial and error until he had found a look he liked, and decided to stick with it; a subtler approach where it concerned makeup, and he had been content with it ever since.

Takanori hummed approvingly. “Hmm, I knew it!” He grabbed another, this time lighter, red lipstick, threw it in the basket as well, then started to head towards the registers. “Sometimes less is more,” he said, and Yuu fell silent when he realized that he had never seen Takanori without makeup. He never bothered to put on makeup after a shower, and always removed it before bed (granted, they didn’t jump at each other as soon as the door fell shut behind them in their more needy nights), but Takanori never did the same. It even seemed to Yuu like he was adamant about never showing his face bared to him, no matter what. He wondered whether he had a reason for that, and part of him almost wanted to ask Takanori about it. However, something inside of him held him back. Maybe it was a sense of consideration. Or maybe it was simply his anxiety that made him worry about upsetting him when they had had a perfectly fine afternoon thus far. So instead of trying to satiate his curiosity, Yuu kept his mouth shut, and waited patiently until Takanori had paid for his items.

He looked at the amount of bags Takanori was carrying by now, and raised his eyebrows skeptically. “You need help with those?” he offered, seeing as he was only carrying one bag himself. He always enjoyed a bit of shopping, but he had never been downtown with someone as untiring as Takanori. He seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of energy reserves when it came to shopping. And Yuu enjoyed it. He enjoyed watching Takanori dig through the endless amount of clothing items. He enjoyed seeing how his eyes lit up when he found something he liked. The way he smiled happily when the clothes fit him and he decided to purchase the items. Yuu didn’t even mind that his feet were sore by now, or that he was mostly following Takanori around. So he surely didn’t mind carrying some of his bags.

At first, his glance was hesitant, but then Takanori smiled at him, making Yuu’s heart skip a beat at the sight. “You would do that for me?” he hummed joyous, then handed him a few of his bags. “I’m sorry, I’ve been dragging you throughout the whole mall,” he uttered a shy, apologetic laugh as they continued to make their way through the crowd that was especially large on a Saturday afternoon. There were people everywhere, and the sheer amount was beginning to tire Yuu more than their shopping spree on its own. “Ah, I just wanna check out that new leather store real quick!” Takanori pointed above people’s heads to a store nearby, his eyes shining like _that_ again. “We can totally get some coffee afterwards if you like,” he suggested.

Yuu simply nodded, then motioned for Takanori to lead the way. And although he had meant to be nothing but polite when he had offered for Takanori to go first, he couldn’t help but stare at his ass all impolitely as they made their way through the crowd, only inches apart to not lose sight of each other in the masses. However, Yuu only felt partially guilty for staring. Because he surely wouldn’t have been so tempted and it wouldn’t have been so hard to resist had Takanori worn something else but one of his ridiculously tight leather pants. He surely wasn’t to blame when he was wearing something like _that._ Though his ass wasn’t the only nice thing to stare at. The way his leggings complimented his legs drove Yuu crazy. They looked beyond gorgeous, and made him want to pull Takanori into a quiet corner, maybe an empty bathroom stall, to tend to them accordingly.

He was so immersed in his fantasies about his legs that he didn’t even notice him stopping for a moment to let a mother and her child pass by. Immediately, he bumped into him. “Ouch!” Takanori turned his head around and looked at Yuu with a sour look, who had also managed to step on his heel. “Watch where you’re going instead of staring at my ass, will ya?” he scolded him with a grunt, then reached down to massage his heel.

Yuu cleared his throat in embarrassment. “I wasn’t staring,” he lied. “Sorry.”

“Of course you were, don’t deny it. I know you too well by now.”

Blushing, Yuu looked down at his own feet. “I wasn’t staring,” he repeated quietly. “Least not at your ass,” he mumbled, unable to keep himself from shooting Takanori’s legs another longing look. If he didn’t stop staring, he would get himself in big trouble, but he couldn’t help it; Takanori’s legs were simply too irresistible to him.

“Kinky bastard,” Takanori whispered, yet Yuu could see the smug smirk on his face before he turned around and resumed his way to the leather store.

Yuu followed him with a defeated sigh, taking a deep breath as they finally entered the store, which wasn’t as flooded as the rest of the mall. Apparently, far too few people knew to appreciate all things leather. And this shop seemed to have it all – from leather jackets to leather pants and leather bags, as well as shoes and anything else Yuu could imagine (anything that wasn’t too kinky, for it wasn’t _that_ kind of a shop). He followed Takanori around the store silently, here and there eyeing a nice leather jacket before ultimately putting them all down again. Even though they were all rather nice and stylish, none of them really clicked with him.

“Oi, Yuu!” Takanori called him over from a neighboring row of shelves filled with clothes, and curiously, Yuu trotted over to him. “Try these on!” he prompted him, then threw some leathery clothes his way.

Frowning, Yuu unfolded the fabric, only to identify the piece of clothing as leather pants. “Are you serious?” he snorted in disbelief, throwing Takanori a doubtful glance. “Aren’t you the specialist for wearing those?” he added, about to throw the pants back at him.

Rolling his eyes at him, Takanori flicked his forehead. “I know that my legs look nice in leather pants, but I bet I’m not the only one who can pull them off. Just humor me and try them on, dummy. Then you’ll see.”

He sighed again, then tightened his grip on the pants. He doubted that he would look good in tight pants like these. But if Takanori insisted, then he would at least try them on. And if it was only to avoid having him whine at Yuu for the rest of the day. “Fine!” he grumbled, then headed towards the fitting room. He half expected Takanori to follow him, but apparently, he had spotted something else, because he was walking in the opposite direction.

Once he was in the fitting room, Yuu set down the bags, and eyed himself in the mirror skeptically. Even though he felt like Takanori was going to drain the last ounce of life out of him with his stubbornness in moments like these, he couldn’t deny the fact that he looked much less sleep-deprived lately. Ever since he had started to sleep with him, to be precise. The drop in his nightclub visits and consumption of alcoholic beverages might have been another reason besides the repeated relaxation that came with regular sex. Still, even though he looked mighty fine, he still couldn’t imagine that he would look good in tight pants like these – at least not as good as Takanori did. The thought of Takanori’s legs in tight pants made his blood rush down, so Yuu hastily slipped out of his jeans to distract himself from those arousing mental images.

A few minutes later, he gave his reflection the tenth once over, all skepticism vanished from his face. Takanori had been right. He did pull off pants like these. And not only did he look extremely hot in them, but they were also insanely comfortable. He spun around on his heel to view his behind as well, and smirked. Yes, he definitely looked good in those pants. That little devil certainly knew his stuff.

“And? How’s it look?” he heard the voice of said devil from the other side of the gray curtain, and Yuu pulled it to the side to show himself off to Takanori. “Not bad, huh?” Takanori mused, obviously basking in his providence. His eyes slowly wandered over Yuu’s legs, examining every inch clothed in leather pants. “No, not bad at all.”

Yuu wanted to give a snarky reply about how Takanori better watched out for he was going to give him a run for his money, when he spotted a familiar logo on one of the bags Takanori was holding. Apparently, he had purchased something for himself in this store already while Yuu had been busy with admiring his own reflection. “Whatcha got there?” he asked, curiously eyeing the bag.

However, Takanori shook his head, and brought the hand that was holding the bag behind his back to hide it from him. “That’s none of your business,” he hummed all conspiratorially, while shielding the bag from Yuu’s view.

“Come on, let me take a look!”

“I said no!”

“Oh come on, Nori!” With a pout, Yuu reached for his arm to pull his hand from behind his back, but Takanori took a step back to evade his grasp. “What are you all secretive for?” Yuu sulked, shooting him an accusatory glance in the hopes of appealing to his guilty conscience and get him to let him peek inside the bag.

He saw Takanori’s cheeks flare up at the use of his nickname. “Don’t think that calling me that will get you anywhere,” he hissed, though the red in his cheeks undermined his attempt to sound dismissive.

“Please, Noooori!”

“Shut up, I’m not listening.”

Still pouting, Yuu pulled the curtain shut to change back into his jeans. He was contemplating not to buy the pants just so he could spite Takanori. However, in the end the vain part of him won his inner debate. After all, those pants looked far too good on him to not purchase them, and deny the world the glorious sight of him in tight leather pants.

 

“Come on, just one look,” Yuu tried again as they were seated in one of the countless cafés of the mall. He glimpsed across the table to the bag that sat next to Takanori on the bench, but was unable to peek inside from this angle.

To make it even harder for him to peep inside, Takanori dropped his jacket on top of the bags, causing Yuu to curse silently. Why was he so insistent of hiding the contents of that bag from him? Had he overlooked something in the shop, and Takanori had gotten some kinky outfit after all? However, the way he acted all dismissive about his attempts as though he was refusing his child a new toy made Yuu doubt this was the case. “Just shut up, will ya? I’m trying to concentrate,” Takanori mumbled while he rearranged the items on the table. He pushed the milk jug to the far left of the table top, repositioned the spoon on the saucer, before he put the small vase of flowers right behind his cup of coffee; the whole time he was staring at the display of his phone with furrowed brows.

Yuu rolled his eyes as he watched Takanori take a bunch of pictures, thereby fumbling around with his spoon and the vase until he was finally satisfied with a pic he had taken. “It’s just a stupid image on a stupid cup of coffee,” Yuu groaned, still salty about not being allowed to peek inside the bag.

Takanori looked up from his phone, and laughed at him chastising. “It’s not just a stupid image on a stupid cup of coffee, it’s art,” he corrected Yuu. He held out his phone to him to show him the picture he had taken of the image that the staff member had drawn on his cream. With a grunt, Yuu stared at the drawing that closely resembled the face of a dog, then shrugged indifferently. “You’re just jealous because your guy screwed up your image,” Takanori hissed, and Yuu stared down at his own cream disgruntled. Not with all the will in the world could he make out what the employee had attempted to draw in his cream. “What’s that even supposed to be?” Takanori pressed on, tilting his head and looking at Yuu’s cup of coffee with narrowed eyes. “Looks like a broken heart to me.”

“It’s not a broken heart,” Yuu snapped, dropping his spoon into his cup to destroy all evidence of whatever the cream drawing was supposed to resemble. “Why don’t you mind your own business, and share that damn pic of your oh so fabulous coffee on Instagram?” he continued to sulk. Partly, he was still miffed about Takanori not telling him what was in the bag. The other part of him was upset about him teasing him over a stupid cup of coffee. He didn’t even care that his current mood swings rivalled that of a woman on PMS, or that they occurred over a triviality such as a cream painting on his coffee and a secret shopping item. Not even the sweet taste of the cream managed to lighten up his mood much when he shoved the spoon into his mouth to lick it clean.

Remaining unfazed by Yuu’s upset state, Takanori typed away on his phone again. “Already did,” he hummed, then looked at Yuu, grinned, and raised his phone.

Before Yuu knew what hit him, he heard the familiar clicking sound of the camera releaser, and stupefied, he pulled the spoon out of his mouth to point it at Takanori. “Did you just take a fucking picture of me?” he hissed incredulously, cheeks flaring up in embarrassment. This surely couldn’t have been the most flattering moment of his, and Takanori had captured it on camera.

“Maybe?” Takanori hummed cheerfully, then stowed the phone away in his pocket. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna grace Insta with that pretty face of yours. I’m gonna keep that pic all to myself,” he reassured him with a grin, deepening Yuu’s blush even more. “For blackmailing purposes, of course.”

“Don’t you fucking dare!”

“Or what? You gonna slap me with a lawsuit Mr. Lawyer?” Takanori’s grin became smug, and he leaned forward while lowering his voice. “Or are you gonna punish me otherwise later on tonight?” he purred seductively.

The quick-witted response died on Yuu’s tongue when he felt Takanori’s leg rub against his all teasingly, sending hot shivers down his spine, and he felt a familiar need arise in him. God, he wanted this man so badly. He was obsessed with those legs, with every inch of Takanori. “I hate you so much!” he cursed, trying his hardest not to get aroused in a _fucking café,_ all the while knowing full well how untrue those words were.

Takanori, too, saw right through his lies.

* * *  
  
_“I hate you so much!”_

With a wide grin, Takanori switched off the hairdryer, recalling how Yuu’s cheeks had beamed red as he had uttered those sweet little lies. Oh he knew exactly how he made him feel in reality. In fact, he was planning to see just how much he could make him feel in a minute. Feeling his heartrate pick up at the thought, Takanori slipped into some of the new clothes he had bought today, then stepped in front of the big bathroom mirror to put on some new makeup. Lastly, he turned towards the bag Yuu had spent all afternoon trying to peek into, and with a fluttering in his stomach, he pulled the items out of the bag. When he was finished, he gave himself another once-over in the mirror, took a deep breath, and placed his hand on the door handle. Time to find out just how much Yuu hated him.

Taking another breath to calm his nervously trembling fingers, he opened the bathroom door and stepped into Yuu’s living room. Yuu, who had finished clearing their dinner plates, sat on the black couch, absorbed in his phone while he waited for Takanori to finish his shower.

He looked Yuu up and down, feeling a pang of jealousy arise in him as he took in his natural beauty. Even when he was wearing nothing but a casual sweatshirt and worn-out jeans, he still managed to look beyond gorgeous. Breathtaking even, with the way his long locks fell over his shoulder as he scrolled through his phone, totally oblivious to the fact that Takanori had entered the room. If only Yuu could share some of his natural beauty with him. If only he didn’t have to spend ages in front of a mirror and a wardrobe to look his best. Not that he minded it that much – he did love styling and dressing himself up. But in some moments of weakness, moments like right now, he wished that he was prettier. That he inhabited some of this natural beauty people like Yuu were blessed with so generously.

The self-conscious part of him suddenly felt overly ridiculous in his outfit. The urge to dash back into the bathroom and change out of these clothes as quickly as possible seeped through his body at abhorrent speed. It choked him up, and filled him to the brim with anxiety. What if Yuu didn’t like it? What if he would reject him? He didn’t think he would be able to handle it if he did.

However, his moment of contemplation and self-doubting was cut short when Yuu lifted his head, finally having taken notice of Takanori’s presence. “Ah, sorry, I didn’t realize you w-“ He stopped midsentence, and Takanori bit down on his tongue as he watched his eyes widen in shock. “You were, uhm, that I, uhm, was… uh,” Yuu stammered as he – unsuccessfully – tried to finish his sentence, before – successfully – dropping his phone onto the floor. He didn’t even seem to notice. “You, uh… Wow,” he whispered, and Takanori saw him swallow what must have been his ability to speak, because Yuu didn’t say anything else after that. He simply stared at him speechlessly, taking in every inch of his body. And even though he surely didn’t fall short of scrutinizing every part of Takanori’s body and outfit, his attention soon shifted to his legs.

And to the black leather over-knee high heels he was wearing.

They remained like this for a few seconds, with Takanori just standing in the middle of the living room while Yuu stared at them, his eyes wandering up and down Takanori’s legs over and over again. The way he discretely tried to readjust his pants gave Takanori the confidence boost he needed, and he put a hand to his hip, biting his lower lip lasciviously. “How do I look?” he asked, thereby slowly striding towards Yuu. He loved to experiment with more androgynous looks, and he had been dying to see what Yuu thought of this more feminine side of him. Akira had hated it; with all his persistence on Takanori wearing makeup, and for being the dominant party in their relationship, he had never actually agreed when he had played with his more feminine side.

“Like the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.”

Evidently, Akira and Yuu seemed to be like night and day.

He could neither suppress the triumphant smirk at Yuu’s honest words, nor the fluttering feeling they set off inside of his stomach. His honesty surprised Takanori a bit; even though they had sipped a few beers before and during dinner, it hadn’t actually been enough alcohol to get Yuu tipsy enough to utter these kinds of thoughts. At least not under normal circumstances. However, Takanori surely wouldn’t complain about that now, much less rack his brains about it. Instead, he came to a stop in front of him, legs spread apart almost invitingly. He watched Yuu watch him lick his dark red lips greedily, then glimpsed down at the noticeable bulge of his pants with yet another smirk. “Touch them,” he ordered in a dominating tone, relishing in the thought that between Yuu and him, the topic of dominance was never an issue. They were both stubborn, and they both liked to get what they wanted, but they were both also able to hand over the reins to the other. And tonight it was Takanori’s turn to call the shots.

To grant Yuu better access, as well as tease him even more, he placed his foot on the couch in between Yuu’s thighs, pressing the tip of his high heel against his crotch. As though Yuu needed even more encouragement to touch his legs. Eagerly, he seized his calf, pulling the leg closer towards him, strengthening the force with which Takanori’s foot pressed against his cock. He bowed his head, and started to contribute light kisses on his shin, moaning silently in between kisses as his fingers caressed Takanori’s calf. “Aren’t you happy now that I didn’t spoil the surprise for you?” he breathed, wrapping a strand of Yuu’s dark hair around his index finger before slightly pulling on it. He loved Yuu’s long hair so much, adored it beyond his own comprehension. He had always thought he only desired much more masculine, rough-looking men, and though Yuu could most certainly be rough if he wanted to be, with his long hair he looked much more elegant than most other men.

Instead of an answer, Yuu only jerked his hips forward to grind his hardening cock against Takanori’s foot, then licked his way up his shin to his knee, thereby pinching his calf longingly. Seeing how they wouldn’t get much further like that, Takanori entwined more of his fingers in Yuu’s hair, then pulled his head backwards until he looked at him with a discontent face. “Get up!” He tugged at his hair to put emphasis on his request, and with a grunt, Yuu complied, only to watch him in confusion when Takanori dropped down onto the couch instead. “Get on your knees!” he added, spreading his legs apart so Yuu would fit in between them. He positioned his left foot on the coffee table, and staring at it with a desirous glint in his eyes, Yuu did as he was told.

Once he was on his knees, he resumed with working his way up Takanori’s left leg, while taking ahold of his right leg and positioning it between his legs. He squeezed it against his crotch, which had Takanori gasp as he felt how hard he was already. He closed his eyes when he felt Yuu’s tongue slip in between the straps of his fishnet tights, and felt his own cock harden in anticipation as he slowly licked his way to Takanori’s more sensitive inner thigh.

However, the tights seemed to prove bothersome to Yuu, for before Takanori knew what was happening, he tore them to shreds to gain better access to his bare thighs. “Oi, bastard, those were new!” he scolded him, but Yuu only continued to lick his thigh dismissively. Feeling a sting of anger at his torn pants as well as being ignored so blatantly, Takanori lifted his right foot, and drilled the thin heel into Yuu’s crotch as a punishment.

“FUCK!” Yuu yelled, shuddering at the sudden pain, but then pressed out a moan afterwards. He held down his foot with one hand to subsequently rock his hips back and forth, rubbing his hardened cock against his shin. He continued to do so while his mouth returned to Takanori’s left leg, and now it was his time to moan as Yuu bit down on his skin before sucking on it to bruise it. He felt his own cock harden as he watched him distribute countless purple marks on his pale skin, shivering as Yuu pressed his lips to his inner thigh. Dangerously close to where his boxers ended. Yuu lifted his head, and dragged his nail across Takanori’s skin, connecting the marks he had left all over him with a thin, red line that burned pleasantly on his upper leg. To soothe the pain, he then proceeded to trace the red lines with his tongue. He licked his way up from the end of his boot to the upper inner thigh, causing Takanori to gasp as he felt a rush of arousal shoot through him at the touch.

This time, Yuu took the initiative as he opened his own pants, pulling them down along with his boxers to reveal his hard cock. Then he started to thrust his hips forwards to grind his erection against his leg, moaning repeatedly as he rubbed his cock against his leather-clad shin. Takanori felt his own cock harden more with every thrust, feeling a pulsating pressure build up inside of him as Yuu threw his head back in his loud moans, his thrusts becoming faster and harder with every time as he fucked his leg. “I wanna cum all over your leg,” he moaned as he scraped across Takanori’s unbruised thigh with his fingernails, sending another wave of thrilling pain through his body.

He lowered his head again to press his full lips to his thigh, and nibbled at the sensitive skin with his teeth, causing Takanori to shiver. He felt his cock throb painfully, and reached into his boxers to give it a forceful stroke. However, touching himself as Yuu’s tongue circled all over his thigh somehow felt strange, somehow felt wrong. And the more he watched his tongue dart out of his mouth to lick yet another part of his skin, the more he felt those plush lips press against his skin in order to spread chaste kisses all over his thigh, the more a burning desire arose in him. A desire that was all too familiar to him, a desire he associated with the pain of rejection.

A desire that he felt with Yuu for the first time truly. “Wait a sec,” he whispered almost hesitantly, but when he complied immediately, the hesitancy inside of him began to die down again. If Yuu didn’t want to then he had to accept it, swallow it down like he had done countless times before. And if it became unbearable to him, then he knew Yuu would stop as soon as he asked him too.

Another boost of confidence filled him, and he struggled out of his boxers, sighing in relief as the constricting fabric disappeared around his cock. Realizing what he was doing, Yuu stopped in his thrusts to seize his boxers and pull them off his legs. He then made a move to lower his head back onto Takanori’s thigh again, apparently expecting him to take care of his own erection like he had last time. “No,” Takanori breathed, reaching down to lift up Yuu’s chin with his fingers so he would look at him properly. “I want you to take care of me.”

Naturally mistaking his words, Yuu seized his cock with his hand, and squeezed it tightly, which coaxed a moan from Takanori’s lips. A moan he unsuccessfully tried to hold in to not give Yuu the wrong impression. He grabbed his wrist to keep him from stroking his cock further, which made him look up questioningly. Takanori felt his chest clench up nervously, the dread of being rejected yet again hovering over him, ready to crash him at any given second. “Not like that,” his voice was a mere whisper, his cheeks burned hotly.

For a moment, Yuu seemed confused, then his eyes widened as he finally understood what he was playing at. Nodding slowly, he bowed down, and Takanori felt his breath become erratic as his mouth neared his cock. He bit down hard on his lower lip to suppress his nervousness spilling out of him with his irregular breathing. Part of him wanted to backtrack, to take back his words and ask Yuu to simply forget them. But another part of him, a part that he had had to lock away for years, and which had been reawakened only moments ago wallowed in the unbearable longing, and the prospect of finally getting what he had been craving for so long.

He inhaled sharply when he felt the tip of Yuu’s tongue hesitantly touch his cock, and his mind went completely blank when he licked his length once, twice, thrice. Lips parted slightly, his head fell backwards onto the backrest of the couch, and he moaned as Yuu kissed the tip of his cock tenderly. “ _Oh God, yes!”_

Spurred on by his reaction, Yuu finally wrapped his lips around his cock, slowly taking him in partly. He was soft, almost cautious, clearly aware to the fact that he was testing out new territory for the both of them. His cock pulsated longingly as Yuu slowly pushed his cock in more and more, making him tremble with lust. It felt so fucking good to have his lips wrapped around his cock. It felt so goddamn good to have his tongue slide over it as he slowly pulled his head back, only to push back down on Takanori’s length, taking in more and more of his cock with every time he repeated this movement. “FUCK!” Takanori arched his back as Yuu’s teeth scraped across his cock, and he got to experience his own techniques he always used when he blew him firsthand for the first time. He dropped his left leg onto Yuu’s shoulder, who seized his thigh and pulled Takanori closer, making himself gag lightly as the tip of his cock hit the back of his throat. Yuu halted for a moment, but resumed sucking him off only seconds later, getting more and more boldly in his movements.

Takanori closed his eyes, uttering another moan when Yuu picked up where he had left off. He combined the bobbing of his head with the thrusts of his hips, crushing his hard cock against Takanori’s leg again. _You’re such a slut for my legs_ , he tried to say, but when he opened his mouth, all that left his lips was yet another moan. Which was probably for the best, because Takanori was one to talk with the way he loved sucking Yuu’s cock, and just licking him all over, and be licked all over in return.

Furthermore, getting his cock sucked by Yuu felt almost otherworldly. It was intoxicating, filled him with an insatiable want that threatened to tear him apart from the inside. “God, fuck, hgnnn, you’re a fucking natural,” he moaned as Yuu’s tongue encircled the tip of his cock, driving him almost insane. He forced himself to open his eyes and look at him, and the sight of Yuu, cheeks reddened, strands of long hair sticking to his sweaty temples, full lips wrapped around _his_ cock, took his breath away.

He had never seen anything so gorgeous, yet so arousing at the same time.

He felt himself fall, felt himself let go and just embrace the overwhelming feeling that falling gave him, knowing that no matter how hard he fell, Yuu would be there to catch him. With a loud moan, he came inside of his mouth, all the while he felt something warm splash against his shin. He moaned again as Yuu swallowed as much of him as possible. He released his cock, and slumped against the edge of the couch, panting as heavily as Takanori did, both shaken to the core by their orgasms.

As soon as he had caught his breath, Yuu straightened up quietly, then began to lick Takanori’s boot spotless without so much as a prompt. Noting how Yuu’s cock twitched at him licking his leg, he felt his own cock pulsate hungrily. He palmed it lightly in a foolish attempt to suppress his needs, but only riled it up even more. He gasped as he felt his cock come back to life only minutes after his latest orgasm.

Yuu looked up at him, and his eyes darkened with lust as he took in how much Takanori still craved him. Faster than Takanori could comprehend with his still fogged up mind, he shot up from his kneeling position, grabbed him by his hips and threw him onto the couch. A surprised shriek left his lips, followed by a content sigh as Yuu attacked his neck with his lips ferociously. Skillful fingers undid the black corset he was wearing, and Yuu slid one of his arms underneath his waist, raising his upper body up slightly to pull the corset off him and toss it to the ground. Takanori wrapped his legs around his waist, causing their cocks to press against each other, provoking a moan from the both of them as they did.

“I want to fill you up,” Yuu whispered against his lips, then kissed him demandingly, stealing any answer from his lips. He thrust forward, taking Takanori with him in his movement, and grinded his cock against Takanori’s once more, moaning into the kiss. He continued to kiss him until his mind went numb, leaving him unable to think about anything but Yuu. To feel anything but him, smell anything but him, taste anything but him. Totally inebriated with Yuu, he accepted his tongue into his mouth, feeling shivers all over his body when he unbuttoned his white shirt, stroking his naked chest lightly with his fingertips.

Their lips parted as he pulled the sweatshirt over Yuu’s head, relieving him of his last piece of clothing all the while he remained with nothing but his unbuttoned shirt and the black high heeled over-knees. As their lips were free of each other for a second, Yuu’s gaze wandered from his legs upward over his torso and to his face. He cradled his face, running his thumb along Takanori’s lower lip tenderly. “You’re so hot,” he whispered, leaving Takanori with goosebumps all over his body at the ginger touch that seemed like a small ripple in the midst of a raging ocean of passion and heat.

As a response, he lifted his head to catch Yuu’s lips, and reunited them in a lengthy kiss full of passion and desire. He wanted Yuu so much, wanted him almost every day, if not every waking hour, and no matter how often he got to get him, it still was never enough. He enjoyed every bit of their acquaintance. From them working together, over them hanging out together and even them having their silly little arguments, to them having regular, passionate and exciting sex. And by God, he enjoyed kissing Yuu so much as well. Their tongues altered between a fight for dominance and a harmonious play, restlessly clashing together as they were demanding more of each other, always more, and yet never enough.

The throbbing in his cock became so bad he wasn’t able to ignore it for much longer, so Takanori tilted his head to the side, breaking their kiss and gasping for air. “My handbag,” he panted, and Yuu looked up to follow his gaze, then reached inside the bag that was just at the foot of the couch. He rummaged through it blindly until he pulled out a bottle of lube. He didn’t waste much time with slicking up his fingers, and pushed the first one inside of Takanori, who winced and moaned at the same time. It felt so good to feel Yuu’s fingers push inside of him, though it felt even better to be filled up by him entirely.

He gasped in arousal as Yuu’s finger started to move inside of him, impatient for his fingers to get replaced by his cock. “Hurry!” he moaned, jerking his hips up to crash their cocks together once more, coaxing a moan from Yuu by doing so. Immediately, he pushed in the second finger, followed by a third only a few thrusts later, and scissored them to prepare his body accordingly. However, instead of replacing his fingers with his cock when he pulled them out, he grinned at Takanori all haughtily. Then, he pushed them back in, thrusting into Takanori with his fingers repeatedly. “Fucking bastard!” Takanori whimpered, his anger being overshadowed by yet another moan. “Fuck me like you mean it!” he managed to hiss at him, before moaning again as Yuu’s finger touched his prostate.

“As you wish.” Takanori almost whined when Yuu’s fingers disappeared, and he had to wait through another torturous minute that felt like eternity in which Yuu slicked up his cock; which proved to be quite the challenge since Takanori’s legs were still wrapped around his waist, and he refused to loosen his hold, much less let go altogether. Finally, he positioned himself at his entrance. He didn’t go gently as he pushed inside, causing Takanori’s muscles to tense up involuntarily. Yuu moaned as Takanori’s tightness constricted around his pulsing cock, and Takanori felt the hole inside of him fill up as Yuu’s cock pushed inside of him. The gaping hole that consisted of his emotions, his broken heart, as well as his insatiable hunger for Yuu. No matter how miserable or self-conscious he felt, Yuu never failed to make him feel better. He knew that sex wasn’t the best solution of doing this, but it was the one that ensured that he didn’t get hurt again. So for now, he pushed aside his unhealthy coping mechanisms, and took a tight hold of Yuu’s shoulder blades as he started to move inside of him, switching off his mind as he thrust deep into him.

Takanori cursed as Yuu pulled out, then slowly pushed back it, only to repeat his torturously slow movements, rocking his hips back and forth in such a slow pace that Takanori almost lost his mind. He dug his nails into Yuu’s back, trying to set a faster pace as he moved his hips against Yuu’s, however, that bastard wouldn’t have any of it. He kept going at his insanely slow pace, which sent one pulsing throb after the other through Takanori’s cock. With a grunt, he dragged his nails across Yuu’s shoulder blades down his back to provoke him into moving faster. After all, they weren’t here to make sweet, sweet love, but to fuck each other’s brains out.

He only understood that that was exactly was Yuu was aiming for when he pulled out again after having maintained his slow pace for a few more minutes. He smirked at Takanori only to snap his hips forward, penetrating his entrance at full force and burying his entire length inside of him. Takanori’s scream of pleasure echoed from the walls, and his fingernails broke Yuu’s skin where they dug into his back. He didn’t seem to notice as he picked up pace immediately, thrusting into Takanori at high speed, who became a moaning mess beneath him, unable to think one single cohesive thought. He whimpered when Yuu suddenly slowed down again, thrust into him painfully leisurely, not showing an ounce of mercy at Takanori’s pleas to move faster again. He finally ceased moving altogether, gripped his chin and turned his face to look at him, that damn smirk still on his face. “What’s wrong?” he panted. “Not happy with the way I’m fucking you?”

“I hate you!” Takanori grunted, then tried to turn his head away in a futile attempt.

“You’re so cute when you pout like that,” Yuu retorted unimpressed, making Takanori blush at his words. He wished he had more space to step on Yuu’s crotch with his heel again. Or maybe ram it into his cock at full force. He was _not_ fucking cute!

“I’m _not_ fucking c- _hmpf_!” His complaint got swallowed by Yuu’s lips that pressed against his, and no matter how stubborn he normally was, his reluctance melted away at the touch of those soft lips against his. All too willingly, he opened his mouth to grant Yuu’s tongue access.

He gasped into the kiss as Yuu resumed moving, and the way he steadily increased the pace of his thrusts reduced Takanori to a writhing mess beneath him, rendering him incapable of keeping up with the kisses. Yuu penetrated his most sensitive spot, all the while rounding his torture off by seizing his hard cock and pumping it until his vision blurred. He uttered another scream of pleasure, clinging to Yuu’s back for support, unable to still meet his thrusts accordingly.

By the way Yuu started to pant, he could tell that it was getting difficult for him to keep this tormenting play up. However, that didn’t keep him from going back to his slow pace once more, meanwhile his strokes became faster and faster, causing Takanori’s mind to shrink down until it was nothing but a mere pile of dust. His conscience seeped through his fingers as his whole body got filled to the brim with lust, until it was yet again full with nothing but the thrilling pleasure that Yuu brought him.

Once more this night, he let himself fall, only to be caught by Yuu’s arm that wrapped around his waist again, pressing their bodies together tightly as Takanori came undone beneath him.

He held onto Yuu for dear life as he continued to thrust into him, increasing his pace again, making Takanori moan a few more times as he touched his sweet spot repeatedly. He gasped in satisfaction as he felt Yuu come inside of him, filling him up with his cum. He slumped down onto him as his release shook his whole body, and Takanori closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of Yuu trying to catch his breath as his head was bedded on his sweaty chest. He released his hold on his waist, resting his shaking legs on both sides of Yuu’s equally trembling body.

With a huff, Yuu pulled out of him, blindly reached up to the backrest of the couch and pulled the big woolen blanket over them before slumping back onto Takanori. “I need a minute,” he mumbled sleepily, and he hummed in agreement. He didn’t think he would be able to move his body anytime soon, either. For now, he was perfectly fine with staying in this position, with Yuu being the one to misappropriate his chest as a pillow this time. He didn’t really care, and Yuu’s warm body against his actually felt pretty nice if he thought about it more in-depth. Plus, this way, at least he wouldn’t catch Takanori blushing at the thought of them being snuggled up on the couch like that.

Too exhausted to exchange another word, they passed out curled up to each other only minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, was too tired from work last night. Next chap might be up on Sunday, but I'm not sure yet. Might also only be one this week. Once again so much thanks to your support! ♥
> 
> Btw, slight foreshadowing lol did anyone catch it~?


	21. Chapter 21

Warm rays of sunshine that fell through one of the large windows in the living room softly woke Takanori. He squinted his eyes, and grunted sleepily, feeling how his right arm had fallen asleep beneath his body. In general, the position he had slept in couldn’t be considered a very comfortable one. One of his knees stuck out over the edge of the couch, and he laid dangerously close to the edge, threatening to fall off should anyone make any rash movements. He felt the constricting arm around his waist, and sighed in annoyance at the feeling of Yuu’s warm body pressed against his closely. Because no matter how nice it felt to be held like that, he totally wasn’t one for cuddling with a guy he only had casual sex with. Consequently, he shouldn’t enjoy being this close to him, no matter how warm and comfy it felt to be snuggled up to him so tightly.

An absolute no-no.

“Yuu, wake up!” he grumbled, shifting beneath his arm to lie on his back instead, and get the blood circling properly in his right arm again. He looked down to his bare leg (the other one had ended up entangled with Yuu’s overnight), and noticed that he must have taken off his boots sometime last night; even though he didn’t really recall waking up and taking them off.

When Yuu didn’t move a single muscle, Takanori looked up into his sleeping face that was only inches away from his own face, and sighed again. How did he look so gorgeous every damn second of every damn day? How did an actual twenty-eight-year-old man pull off to look this fucking cute while sleeping? It wasn’t fair. To vent out his frustration (and distract himself from this truly inappropriate fluttering in his stomach), he slightly nudged Yuu with his elbow. “Oi, bastard, wake up! Stop spooning me already.”

In response, Yuu tightened his grip on Takanori’s waist. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled drowsily as though Takanori was his mother that woke him up for school. Or tried to, anyway.

“Five minutes, my ass!” Takanori huffed, whose arm was on pins and needles by now, meanwhile his neck ached, loudly complaining about the uncomfortable position he had spent the night in. He needed to get out of this stiff position, move around for a bit to get his muscles to relax and function properly again.

“Hm?” Yuu hummed, still half asleep. “What ‘bout your ass?” he breathed sluggishly. “You got a real’ nice ass.”

Cheeks burning hotly, Takanori turned his head to look at him indignantly. However, Yuu’s eyes were closed as he had drifted back to sleep, breathing evenly. “Shuddup, dummy,” he whispered, trying to fight the warmth of Yuu’s body next to his combined with his regular breathing that tried to lull him back to sleep. He couldn’t deny that he loved sleeping in. Just like he couldn’t deny that being snuggled up to Yuu maybe wasn’t that bad after all, no matter how sore his muscles were.

Maybe he even liked waking up spooned by him.

Before he could scold his own brain for these stupid thoughts, sleep washed over him once more, drowning him in a dreamless slumber.

 

 

The second time, he got woken up by a weird buzzing noise that constantly rang in his ear, and Takanori opened his eyes with a grunt of frustration. He glanced to the coffee table made of glass, but frowned when he was met with the dark display of his phone. Just when he wanted to wake Yuu again, the buzzing stopped. He inhaled deeply, and closed his eyes again to relish a bit longer in his after-sleep state, giving his body time to fully wake up.

After a minute of silence, the buzzing noise took off again, and he groaned in annoyance. He reached down with his hand, blindly trying to feel around for Yuu’s phone. He gave up a few seconds later when his fingers felt nothing but the cold laminate beneath. Besides, this wasn’t his fucking phone, and subsequently not his fucking problem. “Yuu, wake up, your phone’s ringing,” he murmured, turning his head to look at the sleeping figure beside him, whereby his neck complained with a loud cracking sound of his joints. He truly shouldn’t have fallen back asleep. Or he should have at least switched to the much more comfortable double-sized bed in the adjacent bedroom.

“Come on, Shiroyama!” he hissed, pulling off the blanket to expose Yuu’s naked body, which had him shiver at the sudden lack of warmth.

His eyes snapped open immediately. “The fuck are you doing?” he whined sleepily. Then, he released Takanori’s waist (which apparently he wasn’t even aware he had been holding onto – _thank Goodness!_ ) to seize the blanket and pull it back over his body. Takanori allowed him to cover his hips, but refused to grant his upper body the same comfort.

Because if he did, Yuu would most certainly go back to sleep; they were both notorious late sleepers on Sundays. “Your phone. Now.”

A disgruntled sigh besides him. “Could you get it for me?” Yuu finally asked with a husky voice, and Takanori felt him shift uncomfortably beside him as he realized how closely together they had slept all night.

He looked at him in disbelief, took notice of Yuu’s reddened cheeks – at least he wasn’t the only one who felt embarrassed at their cuddle session –, and laughed dryly. “Don’t think so,” he hummed, not feeling like explaining to Yuu how his arm was too short to reach the goddamn phone on the floor, so he chose to take the rude approach instead. Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t already tried (and failed) to get it, so he could hand it to Yuu.

“Gee, thanks. How generous of you,” Yuu mumbled sulkily, then bent over Takanori to search for his phone on the floor on his own. Takanori didn’t even fully realize that he started to hold his breath as Yuu did so, feeling warm shivers run down his spine at the skin to skin contact. He did notice his cheeks burning hotly, though, and his heart hammering away in his chest, which caused him to frown in confusion. Why would he get so flustered at such a silly thing as Yuu casually bending over him when they did all kinds of bending in the middle of the night, with lots and lots of direct skin contact? His brain must have been still half asleep; it was the only logical explanation for the weird reaction of his body.

To try and calm down his nerves, he took a deep breath, aiming to sound as annoyed as possible in order to gloss over his jittery state. “Do you think you’ll be done sometime this year, or…?” he mocked Yuu, who seemed to have some problems finding his phone – which had stopped vibrating for the time being – beneath their scattered clothes. “You’re getting a bit heavy.” He was only teasing him, of course, after all he loved teasing him. And all that was getting heavy was his heart. If only Yuu wasn’t so goddamn close.

Yuu snorted in response, lifted his head and looked at him with a mischievous glint in those dark, warm orbs of his that Takanori totally wouldn’t get lost in if he stared into them for too long. Those orbs that were inexplicably capable of seeing right through him every time. Those orbs that left him feeling exposed and vulnerable, yet weirdly _visible_ at the same time. Because unlike Akira, Yuu didn’t seem to look through him. Because unlike Akira, Yuu saw him for who he really was. And that thought was even more frightening than the ominous glow in Yuu’s eyes.

“Well, as far as I can tell you’ve still got enough air to breathe and blab such nonsense, so it can’t be that bad.” Takanori peered at his hand, which had finally gotten ahold of his phone, and grimaced. Why did Yuu still remain atop of him if he had retrieved his stupid phone? “Besides, you’ve never complained that I’m too heavy whenever I’ve been on top of you before.”

_Game, set and match._

When had the shy Yuu Shiroyama evolved into this ruthless, teasing bastard? “Oi, I’m in charge of comments like that,” he breathed, failing miserably at keeping his heartbeat steady and slow as to not blush like a lovesick moron.

Yuu simply grinned, finally sat upright and peeked at his phone. Takanori watched his triumphant smirk die down immediately, and silently cursed whoever had just so rudely ruined their flirtatious moment (because having a bit of fun was still allowed, right?). He felt a lump form in his throat at Yuu’s upset expression.

He just wanted to ask what was wrong when his phone went off again, and with an angered glint in his eyes, Yuu picked up. “I told you before, Aiko, I’m not interested.” He went silent for a while, listening to what his sister was saying, and his face fell even more.

Takanori deeply disliked how Yuu evaded eye contact, and stared anywhere but his face. “I said no!” he exclaimed, startling Takanori for a second, before he lowered the volume of his voice again. “I’m not gonna spend another goddamn minute in the same room with him.” He closed his mouth, and Takanori saw his jaw clench angrily, before it relaxed again as he resumed speaking. “I don’t give a shit that he’s my father. If he presumes to punch me just because I don’t wanna marry one of his stupid women, then I presume to not speak to him ever again.”

Biting down on his lower lip, Takanori watched every change on Yuu’s face – his expression shifted from anger to annoyance, then to pure hatred, a flash of hurt before settling for anger again. A part of him wanted to take Yuu’s hand, squeeze it reassuringly to signal him his support; however, as soon as the thought crossed his mind he shook it off again. He absolutely wouldn’t meddle with this kind of sentimental bullshit, no matter how much he longed to touch Yuu, touch his hand, or even his face. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ he scolded himself. _You’re stupid, Matsumoto._

“Don’t you dare!” Yuu hissed, then clenched his fingers around the blanket. “Don’t you dare pull that card!” He cursed under his breath, the anger and resentment crumbling off his face like old grout, leaving behind a blank wall of apathy. “Then tell him I’m busy,” he instructed his sister, and Takanori could tell that his resistance got torn down by Aiko’s words like the Berlin Wall had been in 1991. Whatever she said to him seemed to hit home, and he could practically grasp Yuu’s guilty conscience in the space between them. The last ounce of defiance got wiped off his face, and his shoulders slouched in defeat. “Hey, buddy,” he greeted tiredly, and Takanori immediately understood that Aiko must have handed the phone over to Yuu’s nephew instead.

She used some truly dirty tricks to get Yuu to agree to whatever she had begged him to do.

Yuu sighed, and he finally looked at Takanori again, and the look he gave him caused him to shudder uncomfortably. Yuu’s eyes were those of an ancient soul, one that had wandered the earth for hundreds of years and was now beyond tired of living, and had simply given up on everything. “Of course I’ll be there tonight, don’t you worry, buddy.” A somber smile appeared on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes, which radiated pure unhappiness. “Yes, I’ll see you then!” With that, he ended the call, threw his phone onto the couch next to him, and buried his face in his hand. “They want me to go have dinner with my fucking father,” he explained quietly, before he went completely silent.

Takanori, who still recalled vividly how utterly messed up Yuu had shown up on his front door after his last fight with his father, finally blew all caution to the wind, and grabbed his hand. “You can do this,” he assured him, running his thumb in circles across the back of Yuu’s hand. “It’s just some lousy dinner. You’ve survived much worse. You got this.”

Dropping his hand, Yuu stared at him in silence, a thoughtful expression on his face. Then, out of the blue, he bent forward, and kissed him on the cheek tenderly. “Thanks,” he whispered as soon as he had straightened up again, cheeks as red as Takanori’s own felt. “I truly don’t know what I’d do without you,” he admitted sheepishly.

He cleared his throat, then laughed in embarrassment. Why was Yuu so goddamn cute in everything he did and said, even the smallest gestures? “Oh, probably die or something,” he shrugged, ostensibly nonchalant. “You know, the usual.”

Though if Yuu continued to be this fucking cute, then he would probably be the one who would end up dying. Probably of a heart attack of some sort.

Though anything was fine with him, as long as he didn’t fall for him.

* * *

_Will you just shoot me, please?_ Yuu typed, contemplated for a second, and then sent a crying emoji and a skull afterwards. He took a drag of his third cigarette while he watched the three little dots dance in the chat window, and tipped the ash off. He was burning through this pack of cigarettes, he was aware of that much, but he couldn’t help it. Smoking was the only thing that kept him sane. The only thing that kept him from escaping this damned restaurant as quickly as possible before his father had the chance to so much as look at him. The only thing that kept him grounded.

Apart from the person he had been chatting with for the last twenty minutes while he had waited for his (unpunctual) family to arrive as well, that was.

Takanori seemed to have thought his reply over, deleted it and sent the water gun emoji instead. Yuu choked on the smoke in his throat, and uttered a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cough, fist pressed to his lips to stifle the sound. Too bad that Apple had decided to get rid of the real gun emoji and changed it to this abhorrent green thing; though it was amusing in moments like these.

Eagerly, he started to type on his iPhone again. _Thanks, but I’m afraid all that thing’s gonna do is get me wet :p not exactly what I wanted…_

The three dancing dots again. _You didn’t seem to mind the last time I got you wet ;)_

This time, Yuu’s cheeks began to burn with hot embarrassment, meanwhile his cock throbbed longingly as he recalled their joint shower the first time he had taken Takanori to his place. He stubbed out his cigarette butt, mechanically reaching for the pack of cigarettes again. Thereby, he lifted his gaze from his phone momentarily, and the grin on his face died down. There they were, his whole family, lead to their table by his father.

_Ugh, I gotta go_ , he hastily retorted, then bit down on his lower lip, before typing away on his phone again. _I’m gonna get back to you about that, tho ;)_

He felt his heart flutter at the kiss emoji Takanori sent, then put his phone away as his family reached the table. He truly couldn’t wait to get out of here and back home again.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal son,” his father greeted him, wearing a mocking expression paired with an arrogant smile, and Yuu wanted to punch him in the face immediately.

 

 

For the first thirty minutes, while they were waiting for dinner, his father didn’t mention his cursed arranged marriage once. He didn’t even talk to Yuu once, but pretended like he didn’t exist at all. Yuu knew that he should have been relieved about this, however, he couldn’t help but feel extremely unwell about it. It wasn’t in his father’s nature to show restraint, not even for the sake of Aiko or Koichi – and surely not for Yuu’s sake. But instead of exerting pressure on him yet again, he chatted about all kinds of business affairs and politics with his son-in-law. In the meantime, Yuu was left with taking care of Koichi, which he certainly didn’t mind. But he also couldn’t keep himself from glancing at his father warily from time to time, while he helped Koichi draw and color all sorts of different animals.

His mother kept throwing him concerned glances in return, and every time their eyes met, he tried to smile at her reassuringly. Why did Aiko have to pull the Koichi card to pressure him into joining them at their pretentious family dinner? Their pretentious dinner where they all acted like everything was alright. Where their parents acted like their regular arguments hadn’t put a serious strain on their marriage. Where Aiko acted like raising a child almost single-handedly (since Daisuke was on business trips every other week) wasn’t tiring her out extremely. Where Yuu acted like everything was perfectly fine; like he wasn’t sneaking around and banging another man, and keeping it a secret from his whole family, for that kind of discussion would end up in a big disaster for sure.

All thanks to his older sister who had used her own son to convince – force – him to accompany them, and be part of this pretentious act. And since he could never reject one of his nephew’s pleas, Yuu had agreed to meet up with them, had agreed to be part of this ridiculous pretense. To be a part of this dysfunctional family that acted like it was perfect. Where his own father hadn’t punched him in the face because he had refused to marry a stranger.

Of course, this pretense was far too perfect to fool anyone. Yuu had sensed it from the start, so he wasn’t really surprised when an unfamiliar man approached their table.

“Eijirou!”

Five heads turned toward the stranger (Koichi excluded, who was too busy coloring the cat Yuu had drawn for him), who apparently wasn’t a stranger to his father at all. Because he stood from his seat and greeted the man with a respectful bow. “Shinobu, it’s so good to see you!”

Yuu narrowed his eyes as he noticed a petite figure behind the man called Shinobu; her features were soft and pretty (a _nd familiar, why does she look so familiar?_ ), and she seemed to be about Yuu’s age. She bowed as well, but didn’t say a single word as she eyed him, and him only, curiously.

_Sorry, sweetheart, I’m playing for the other team,_ he thought bitterly, before his mind was finally able to get a grasp on that nagging feeling that something was very odd and very off about this situation. He felt the nagging feeling get pulled out of his brain like a splinter, though the sore feeling stayed behind. Something about this whole situation was extremely off. _There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark,_ as Shakespeare would say.

He glanced at the others’ faces, blanking out almost all of the conversation between his father and Shinobu, and finally realized what was wrong. The rest of his family looked as confused as he felt about this disturbance, although they seemed to believe that this scene was purely coincidental. However, Yuu didn’t. No matter how surprised his father had tried to act as this Shinobu-guy had walked up to them, his intuition told him differently. It set off his alarm bells, and an unbearably tight knot formed in his stomach. He heard the woman introduce herself as Hanako Mori ( _again, why does her name sound so familiar?_ ), and watched with furrowed brows as they joined them at the table. No way in hell was this all a big coincidence.

The two men chatted for another minute, while everyone else watched them silently, before Shinobu turned around to face Yuu, and smiled. Though his smile loosened up his stern expression, he still looked very grim, reminding Yuu a lot of his own father. Not that he had ever seen him smile – at least he couldn’t remember such an incident. “You must be Yuu then, right?” he asked friendly, and Yuu nodded slowly, still exceedingly suspicious of the whole situation. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

_It’s nice to finally meet you._ Not, “It’s nice to meet you,” but _It’s nice to_ finally _meet you._

As if Yuu hadn’t been distrustful enough as it was, Shinobu Mori had to come up with this odd wording. Sure, his father could have told his acquaintance about him at some point, however, Yuu highly doubted it for his father wasn’t known to brag about him. He barely even gave a shit about his existence, merely tolerated it at best. No, there had to be another explanation for his weird wording, and somehow, he felt like it was connected to the woman that had sat down opposite of him, and wouldn’t stop staring at him.

The penny dropped at the same time as Shinobu spoke again. “It’s so exciting to think that we’re all gonna be a big family soon!”

Yuu froze, meanwhile the rest of his family eyed the man perplexed as though he had just proclaimed to be an alien. Oh, he should have known. It wasn’t like he had expected for his father to apologize to him at this dinner, or somehow make up with him. He hadn’t meant to smooth things over either, like Aiko had thought. And even though Yuu hadn’t expected any of these things to happen, he hadn’t seen this coming either.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” he snapped at his father, startling everyone at the table, especially Koichi, who looked like a deer caught in headlights as Yuu started to yell. That was why that woman had seemed so familiar to him – he had seen her before, had read her name before. In that goddamn file his father had handed him minutes before he had punched him in the face. His head shot around and he glanced at his father’s acquaintance. “I don’t know what kind of bullshit he told you, but I’m not interested in marrying your daughter.” His voice cut through the silence between them like a sharp knife.

Deeply upset, Hanako stared at him, further confirming his father’s disgusting schemes. So he had manipulated Aiko into begging Yuu to come along, just so he could try and force his will upon him once more? How truly despicable. He hadn’t ran into his acquaintance by chance either, but had probably invited him to join them at dinner.

His mother was the first one to speak. “Yuu, honey, what are you talking about?” she asked, either in disbelief or in denial about her husband’s vile schemes.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Yuu hissed, while simultaneously nodding towards his father.

His father, who was boiling with anger at that point, much like Yuu himself. “I already told you! You ungrateful brat will do as I say!” he barked at him. “You should consider yourself lucky to be marrying someone as lovely as Hanako! You should consider yourself lucky that she agreed to marry you at all!” His fist hit the table top, and Koichi uttered a frightened squeak. He threw his arms around his mother’s waist and hid his face in her blouse.

The hidden side blow felt like a punch to Yuu’s guts. _You should be grateful that she’s agreed to marry you, even though she deserves so much better._ That was all he heard, and it was written all over his father’s face as well. No matter how many times he threw his disappointment at him, the pain always remained the same. It never lessened, and it never went away. All that was missing now was his father telling him that he would have much preferred Aiko to follow in his footsteps and take over the law firm one day. If only she hadn’t started dating the son of a wealthy businessman back in high school, who was on the verge of taking over his father’s company as the president now. Yuu didn’t hold it against her, he loved his sister dearly; however, he had always been painfully aware of how much his father had always preferred her over him. She was his father’s pride, all the while Yuu was nothing more than an unpleasant nuisance, a disruption in his perfect world.

An error in the system.

However, Yuu liked being the error. He refused to be part of his father’s system, in which he tried to bend everyone to his will; he would never yield to him. He got reminded of his teenage years when he had started to openly rebel against him, and clenched his fists as old resentments boiled up inside of him. He grabbed his phone and pack of cigarettes, and rose from his seat. “No, _you_ should consider yourself lucky that I won’t leave the firm, and maybe have a nice little chat with one or another gossip rag about this,” he spit out, unwilling to go down without a fight. “You’d better not tempt me and drop that bullshit, though. After all, we don’t want your flawless reputation to get soiled, now do we?” He hit a nerve with that, he knew precisely; his father’s reputation was sacred to him, which was why he put so much effort into trying to marry Yuu off to some suitable trophy wife.

“ _You fucking-!”_

“Eijirou! That’s enough!”

Yuu looked at his mother, who was fuming, glaring down her husband in disgust. Yuu felt a wave of guilt wash over him. No matter how much he wanted to tear his father to shreds, he felt more than sorry that his mother had to witness their fight firsthand. He hated to see her upset, but it wouldn’t keep him from defying his father as many times as he had to. Although he loved his mother, he would never compromise his own life like that just to spare her feelings, or anything of that sort. Maybe he was simply too selfish to do that. Self-sacrifice wasn’t one of his strong suits. “I’m sorry,” he breathed in his mother’s direction, fighting the urge to round the table in order to hug her tightly to try and ease the distress visible on her beautiful face, which looked so similar to his own reflection. The only difference were the first signs of old age on hers, which were accompanied by a deep frown that made her appear even older than she was. Not deigning to look at his father (or his acquaintances) again, Yuu set off towards the entrance, uttering nothing but a dry “I’m leaving” as he departed.

 

 

Phone in hand, Yuu dropped down onto his couch with a defeated sigh. No matter how much his brain tried to tell him how he should have expected something like this to happen, he would have never imagined his father go this far in his attempt to marry him off. It was simply ridiculous. He hadn’t even lasted until their actual dinner had arrived, so now he was left with an empty stomach that was filled with nothing but blind rage about his own father. He felt like punching something, or preferably bashing his own head in altogether, and he remembered his plea to Takanori.

Green water gun emoji in mind, his body switched to autopilot, and before he even knew what he was doing, he was dialing Takanori as he pressed his phone against his ear. Normally, he always ended up dumping everything on Yutaka (if he didn’t decide to get wasted after another one of his countless arguments with his father), but tonight that thought didn’t even cross his mind. The only one he could think about right now was Takanori.

He picked up after the fifth ring. “Yo, what’s up? Aren’t you supposed to have dinner or something?” his voice sounded amused, however, Yuu could hear the underlying tone of concern in it as well. “You’re not calling me while you’re surrounded by your family, are you? Because that’d be rude.”

“I-“ _I wanted to hear your voice._ Yuu swallowed. “I, uhm-“ _I wish you were here with me right now._ He was incapable of uttering a single word, all of a sudden too nervous to say anything.

“That bad?” Takanori’s voice shrunk to a whisper, and now the concern was plainly audible. Unable to speak, Yuu crossed his legs, staring off into empty space. By now, his fights with his father had become such a regular thing that he ought to have grown used to them; however, the opposite was the case. Their fights were like a leech, slowly but steadily sucking more and more of his life force like blood, leaving him with the feeling of being drained and exhausted, so that even the smallest arguments knocked him over by now. It was embarrassing, but there was nothing he could do about it. Takanori seemed to sense that. “On a scale from one to ten, how bad was it?” he added, trying to be cheerful again.

And it worked, somehow. Yuu felt his lips stretch into a weak smile, and he laughed silently. “A solid eleven,” he replied tiredly. “He introduced me to my _wife-to-be_ tonight.” At least that was what his father had hoped for. His next laugh was loud and bitter. “Does he seriously think I’m ever gonna agree to this bullshit?”

“Oh dear lord,” Takanori mumbled, and Yuu could practically picture him rolling his eyes. “Your father’s truly lost his mind.”

Yuu stretched out on the couch, burying his face in one of the pillows. It still held Takanori’s scent, and he inhaled deeply to catch as much of it as possible. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

Takanori fell silent for a moment, and then Yuu heard him laugh sheepishly. “Maybe I should put on those boots from last night again, wear some nice makeup, and maybe a wig of some sorts. You know, one with nice long hair. Maybe blonde, or black, whatever you like. How about pink? And then you can introduce me as your fiancée or something.” He laughed again, cleared his throat and continued in a high pitched voice, “It’s so lovely to meet you, Mr. Shiroyama, Sir.”

Snorting with laughter, Yuu turned on his back. “Is that a marriage proposal?” he teased, his heart beating rapidly; not only at the mental image of Takanori in those _damned_ high heeled boots, but the overall imagination of him playing with a more feminine side of him yet again. Yuu couldn’t deny that his androgynous look had turned him on extremely. He knew from experience that a woman in a similar look left him completely unfazed, however, Takanori had caught him off guard. He truly had been the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on.

_And those boots…_

Yuu blinked a few times to force those images out of his head. He felt his cock stir at the memory of Takanori’s legs in those boots, and tried to focus on his voice instead.

“Oh, please!” Takanori snorted. “Over the phone? I’ve got a lot more class than that,” he complained, acting all offended.

“I know you do,” Yuu mused with a grin, his thoughts drifting to the corset he had been wearing. Why did the word ‘class’ made him think of a fucking corset now? Frustrated, he pinched the back of his nose, and sighed. He was trying his best to distract himself from these kinds of thoughts, and keep himself from growing hard, when he had originally only meant to vent his anger. “Speaking of pink,” he took their former topic up again in a desperate attempt to keep his thoughts G-rated. “Did I tell you about that one time I dyed my hair pink?”

“No fucking way?!” Takanori exclaimed. “Spill!”

He smiled softly at the other’s excitement, and thought back to his early twenties; back when he had still experimented a lot with various haircuts and colors. So he started to tell him about his phase with the pink hair, before he eventually revealed to Takanori how he had dyed his hair silver at one point in his teenage years. He had almost got kicked out of school while doing so, because flashy hair colors were a big taboo at many Japanese schools, his high school included.

After that, it was Takanori’s turn to spill the beans about all his – more or less – successful hairdos. And then they somehow ended up talking about their schooldays, before they started to tell each other in detail how they had met their best friends respectively.

Yuu didn’t even notice how time flew by as he was slumped on the couch, talking to Takanori for hours, thereby forgetting both his hunger and his anger. It was so easy to talk to him, to spend time with him, _to be with him._

If only he had simply stayed on his goddamn couch with Takanori all day long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say expect a huge thanks for all your support and love! Read you on Wednesday ♥


	22. Chapter 22

Heavy rain had been pouring down onto Japan’s capital for the last two hours, accompanied by a strong, merciless wind that tore at the umbrellas of unfortunate passersby without relent. Big, pitch-dark clouds obscured the sky as the rain pattered against the windows of the countless skyscrapers, not pausing for a single minute. A great many people cursed at the bad weather as they were forced to make their way to their cars, or a nearby bus stop. However, Takanori was oblivious to the sound of the pounding rain against the glass of his office, highly focused typing away on his laptop.

With a sigh, he took a sip of his – by now lukewarm – coffee, before he put the mug down again (“Better late than ugly” – one of Kouyou’s more teasing birthday gifts). Creaking his fingers, he got back to his report with another sigh. He was currently working on the fourth report. He would have known how excessive his behavior was if he had stopped for a minute to think about it. If he had stopped for a minute to think about anything.

To think about _him._

Shaking his head as though he could get rid of the bad thoughts that threatened to break out of their cage in the back of his mind, Takanori increased the speed with which he wrote the report. He began to hit the characters with more force as well, maybe a bit more force than was necessary. He didn’t care, though, for the echo of his aggressive typing was almost therapeutic. At least this way he could let out his anger and frustration (and pain) much subtler than by throwing things against a wall.

He so wouldn’t go there. He so wouldn’t think about the texts Akira had started sending him again, and he so wouldn’t think about his dozen attempts at calling him either. Because he had no room in his life anymore. Akira had no right to be in his thoughts anymore, either. So he wouldn’t think about him. He wouldn’t think about those cursed texts that begged him for the gazillionth time to get back together, to give him another chance. Those cursed texts that accused him of being a liar as well, nothing but a liar because

_I know that guy you’re sleeping with is not your real boyfriend._

Akira had the audacity to try and mess with his life again, to try and mess with his head and his heart, when he had no right to do so.

_I know I’ve hurt you. And I wish I could take it all away, undo what I did, but you’re not the only one that’s hurting._

_Yeah, fuck you too!_ Takanori thought bitterly.

Akira who had the audacity to play the victim once again, when he wasn’t even worth Takanori reading all his messages. Why did he do it in the first place, anyway?

 _Because you’re pathetic. You’re still pathetic, and you’ll always be pathetic. You’re so pathetic that you’re screwing some guy for fun while you’re telling your ex-boyfriend-slash-love-of-your-life that the guy you’re screwing to get over your broken heart is your new boyfriend._ Takanori bit down on his tongue until it hurt to cut off his self-deprecating thoughts. He should be over Akira by now. Four months and he was still not over that asshole that had ruined his life. Why was he still not over him?

“Pathetic,” he whispered at the computer screen, then pushed all thoughts aside as best as he could, and tried to get back to his report. However, his attempt to get back to work was cut short by a knock at his door, and with an annoyed rolling of his eyes, Takanori looked up. “Yeah?” he shouted, wishing that whoever was on the other side of the office door would just get lost again immediately.

The intruders didn’t adhere to his silent wish, and instead, the door swung open, and Jirou peeked his head inside. His face was that of an emotionless statue. He had behaved cold and distant ever since he had declined his invitation. He had tried his best to avoid him ever since, which made Takanori question why he showed up at his office in the first place. Jirou surely wouldn’t do this of his own volition; however, Takanori wasn’t so cruel as to twist the knife by asking him what had caused him to end up on his doorstep. He half expected it to be about a case Jirou was assisting on.

However, Jirou didn’t make any movements to enter the office. Instead, he stepped aside to make way for a second person. “This guy was looking for you, Mr. Matsumoto.” Of course he would use Takanori’s last name to rub it in.

Takanori frowned, and watched as the second person stepped forward. It was a man about his age, but he was a few inches taller, and had dark-brown hair instead.

His blood ran cold.

Aghast, he watched as the man entered his office as though he owned the place, meanwhile Jirou disappeared quietly ( _No, please come back, don’t leave me alone with him!_ ), and closed the office door behind them. Takanori’s mind went completely blank, and his heart began to race. It made him feel dizzy as the sheer nothingness in his mind spun around in circles as he searched for a meaning, something – anything – to give this situation some form of sense. A straw he could clutch at.

_What on earth was Akira’s boy-toy doing here?_

As his eyes caught sight of how the other strode through his office, blind rage rushed through his body, and Takanori jumped from his seat. “What the fuck are you doing in my office, bastard?!”

Akira’s boy-toy (he had never actually caught his name, not that he had much cared to find out anything about the bastard Akira had secretly been screwing behind his back) sneered at him. He still had that disgustingly presumptuous expression on his face that Takanori would have loved to wipe off of his face with a nicely aimed punch of his fist. “I came to tell you to stay the fuck away from Akira. _He’s mine!_ ” he hissed, unfiltered animosity audible in his voice.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Takanori shot back as anger and hurt mixed into an explosive tincture in his stomach. “Go ahead! That cheating bastard’s all yours!” It hurt to say these things out loud. But the sight of the man who had gotten between the two of them was the most agonizing thing about all of this. And knowing that Akira had preferred him to Takanori, no matter what kind of bullshit he came up with to try and win him back.

Like a snake, Akira’s boy-toy moved closer to his desk. “You know exactly what I’m talking about! Do you think I don’t notice all the texts he keeps sending you?? I don’t know what kind of crap you’re pulling, but he belongs to me now! I won’t let you take him away from me!” He spat these words out like poison, giving Takanori the impression that he hadn’t been present for the last few months in which he had been the one to get fucked by _his_ boyfriend. For the last few months in which Akira had already belonged to him, and not to Takanori anymore. “I won’t let you get between the two of us, and I’ll make him forget about you once and for all! I won’t let you ruin my relationship!”

Takanori felt as though he had just been slapped across the face, and his heart hammered excessively against the inner walls of his painfully constricting chest. “Me? Ruin _your_ relationship?!” He clenched his fists as he felt his hands start to shake, and though his voice felt just as shaky, his tone was resolute and steady. “You’re the one that ruined _my_ relationship!” he pressed out, boiling hot anger raging inside of him like an inferno.

“You don’t really believe that crap, do you?!” Akira’s boy-toy snarled, then studied his face thoroughly. When he found nothing but Takanori’s genuine hurt and wrath, he laughed incredulously, sending unpleasant shivers down his spine. “I’m not the one who ruined your precious relationship, sweetheart,” he barked. “The one who ruined your relationship was you alone! Which is why I won’t let you ruin mine as well!”

His voice was as cold as Takanori felt on the inside. Where his anger carved its way from his stomach up his throat, it left nothing but a freezing cold nothingness behind. “Shut your fucking mouth!” His fingernails dug into his palms until the small crescent moons broke his skin and drew blood, which he didn’t even notice. “I’m not the one who let himself get fucked by a man that was already taken!” He knew he had made mistakes in their relationship. But he wasn’t the one who had crossed the line from which there was no coming back from.

Akira’s boy-toy laughed again, mockingly this time. A sound which would haunt Takanori in many of his sleepless nights to come. Just like the words that followed. “Are you really that fucking naïve?! _Do you really think I was the first?_ ”

This time, Takanori flinched as though he had been slapped for real, and he gasped at the sharp sting in his heart. If it hadn’t been for his young age, and his regular check-ups, then he might have feared a heart attack. However, this way, he was painfully aware that his heart wasn’t going to give up its service anytime soon. The sting he was feeling was simply his heart breaking for the umpteenth time.

“ _Get the fuck out of my office before I call security!”_

The other shot him an almost pitiful look, which quickly got replaced by his arrogant expression again. “Just stay out of his life, he deserves so much better than you! Someone who can actually give him what he needs,” he gave the knife in Takanori’s guts a final twist. Then, he turned around on his heels and left the office, thereby slamming the door loudly on his way out.

 _He’s lying,_ Takanori thought, desperately trying to tune out the echo of the slamming door with his inner voice. _He’s lying, he’s lying, he’s a lying bastard, he’s lying, lying, lying, LYING!_

But no matter how often he repeated these words like a broken record, his heart kept screaming in silent agony. The ugly beast of crippling, dark thoughts threatened to spin out of control, nurturing that silent whisper until it had grown into a big-sized, deafening screech.

What if he was telling the truth?

So instead of getting back to work, instead of focusing on his damned reports again, instead of going over the list of things he still had to get done before his trip to one of their client’s branches in Nagoya the next day – instead of doing _anything r_ easonable –, he grabbed his phone. Before he knew what he was doing, he had dialed Akira, breathlessly waiting for him to pick up as he pressed the phone against his ear.

It didn’t take more than two rings before he picked up. As though he had kept his phone nearby all the time in case Takanori finally answered. “I’m so glad you finally decided to-“

“How many?” Takanori snapped, interrupting Akira’s lousy attempt to try and smooth things over once again. To pretend like he actually gave a shit. His fingers cramped around his phone so much, it would have shattered to pieces had it been made of a more fragile material. He felt the painful throbbing of his heart echo in his chest, causing him to breathe unevenly as though he had just finished running a marathon.

“Sorry what?” Akira whispered at the other end of the line, seemingly surprised at the hostile tone in Takanori’s voice.

He cursed under his breath, grabbed a pencil with his free hand to fumble with it for a second, before he clutched it almost as tightly as the phone. The wood whined quietly at the pressure. “How many other guys have you fucked before him?” His voice had fallen to a whisper as well, though it didn’t lose an ounce of sharpness as he spat those words at Akira. Disgust and anguish were boiling inside of him, always clashing against each other while they tried their hardest to suffocate that small, rotten, twisted seed of hope that was sprouting deep within him, even more resilient than weed. It was more like a parasite that clung to his heart, and steadily drained it of all its life force. That little seed of hope that tried to reassure him, to tell him that _of course_ Akira’s boy-toy had lied to him in order to mess with him. That Akira had at least not crossed that line, that at least there had only been _one_ other man.

Akira gasped. The first stab at the ugly little seed. “I- I have no… What the… Why would you even ask something like that?” he stuttered, floundering as he couldn’t keep his rotating thoughts from spilling out, his shock all too plainly audible. Then, his confusion got replaced by anger. “What the fuck did this bastard tell you, hm?! He’s lying! He’s trying to get between the two of us, don’t you see that? I swear to God, I’m gonna hit that Shiroyama bastard into next week the next time I see his pathetic face!!”

Deflection of guilt. The second stab at the ugly little seed. This time, it was a lethal one.

Instead of answering his goddamned question directly, Akira had tried to change the topic, to switch the blame and cast it on someone else. Combined with how he had risked his own neck with his careless, muddled talk in the beginning, and his initial shock, Akira’s behavior was tantamount to an admission of guilt. And Takanori should know, because he had witnessed enough of those in court. How Akira had managed to take him for a fool for years with this bad excuse of a poker-face was beyond him. Maybe he had truly been blindly in love, and was only now able to see clearly.

“Yuu’s got nothing to do with this,” Takanori said coldly, his voice so matter-of-factly, it even scared himself. “It wasn’t _my_ new boyfriend who tried to ‘get between the two of us’,” he made sure to make the air quotes clearly audible, “by telling me this, but _yours_. So for once, stop lying to me. You owe me that much.” His voice was as cold as he felt on the inside. His body was under an excessive amount of pressure that would release at any second, and cause all of his pent-up feelings to spill out of him without restraint. His outer calm was nothing but a farce, the levee that held back all those masses of untamed water that were his emotions.

“Taka-chan, I swear to you, I haven’t-“

“How many?”

A moment of silence followed, which seemed to stretch out between them endlessly. Then, finally, Akira cracked. “Two,” he whispered, “There were two more before him.”

Two.

Akira had cheated with a total of three men on him.

_Crack!_

He didn’t even notice the pencil breaking in his hand, didn’t even notice the sharp pain as the splinters pierced into the palm of his hand.

“Taka-chan, please, I swear to you, they meant nothing!” Panic now filled Akira’s voice, as though he had finally noticed the big slash the iceberg had torn into the side of their ship. As though he had only now noticed how much it had taken on water already. As though he only now noticed that their ship had almost sunk to the bottom of the dark cold ocean. “None of them! I was stupid and weak, and I- I shouldn’t have… I- Fuck! I swear to you, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved! Please, Taka, you have to believe me! I love you, just you!” he pleaded, sounding as though he was on the verge of tears; as though he had any reason – any _right_ – to cry.

Numb. He felt numb. He felt numb as he listened to Akira’s pleas, felt numb as the tears started to stream down his cheeks. As the levee broke yet again, releasing his emotions that drowned him in pain and despair. Three men. He had truly meant this little to Akira. “I never want to see you, or hear from you ever again!” He somehow managed to not choke on the sobs that were crawling up his throat. Then, he ended the call before Akira could utter another one of his pathetic excuses that only added fuel to the fire of his anguish that currently burned down everything. He dropped his hand that was still holding onto his phone to his side. His hands started to shake so badly that he dropped the phone, which landed on the floor with a loud thud. He didn’t even notice. He just stared into the empty space before him for another minute, before his emotions overwhelmed him.

He didn’t even recognize the things he grabbed and threw against the wall as a violent pain took ahold of him, shaking him to his core as he cried out his agony. Several files went flying, papers scattered all across the floor. Stapler, hole puncher, and pen holder followed. Pens got strewn around everywhere, some of them broke into pieces like the pen Takanori was still holding onto had as they collided with the wall or the floor. Lastly, he hauled Kouyou’s mug against the wall, where it shattered into tiny pieces. One of them bounced back quite a bit and landed in front of Takanori’s feet. With big black letters, the word _ugly_ stared up at him mockingly, ridiculing him in the extreme. With a pained scream, he kicked it away, then turned around to his desk again.

He would have thrown his laptop as well, had it not been for two large hands that seized his wrists, spun him around and put an end to his violent rampage. He stared at a broad chest. But not only was he blinded by the veil of tears, but also by his anger and pain, which kept him from distinguishing friend from foe. With an angry groan, he started to wriggle in the other’s grasp, trying to break free, shove, and even punch his way out. But the other’s grasp was resolute.

In contrast, the voice that spoke to him was warm and soft. “Please stop. You’re gonna hurt yourself, Nori.” He uttered another sound somewhere between a groan and a sob, meanwhile the other took ahold of both his wrists with one hand, pried the broken pencil from his hand, and threw it to the floor. He tried to inspect his scratched palm but gave in as Takanori tried to break free again. “It’s alright,” he mumbled instead. “I’m here.” Not paying his struggles any mind, he wrapped his free arm around him, and pulled him into a tight embrace.

 

 

Yuu hadn’t been thinking about anything bad at all before the incident. He had simply trotted down the hallway to Takanori’s office, humming a song by X Japan which had been stuck in his head all day long when he had picked up on the shattering of things that unmistakably stemmed from his office. Hastily, he fell into a jog, pushing past the whispering and staring co-workers, and entered the office without bothering to knock first. From the way it sounded, Takanori wouldn’t have heard him anyway. He inhaled sharply as he came face to face with the wake of devastation in his office. A crying Takanori stood in front of his desk, throwing a coffee mug against the wall, before kicking one of the pieces away with a pained sob. Swallowing down his hesitation, Yuu strode over to him with a few large steps. In the last second, he prevented him from seizing his laptop and adding it to the pile of collateral damage of the devastation wrought by his emotional turmoil.

He seized his wrists, turned him around, and inhaled again as he got a good look at Takanori’s face up close. His eyes were red and puffy from the crying, his makeup had gotten all messed up by his tears, which had left visible traces on his cheeks. Yuu didn’t even know exactly what had transpired here, though he was pretty sure he would hit the bullseye if he had to guess what – or who – had caused Takanori this anguish. And it drove him mad to the point where he felt the urge to let go of him and join him in throwing things against the wall. However, he knew that this wouldn’t do either of them any good. In addition to that, he quickly got distracted from his anger as Takanori tried to break away from his grip. When pulling didn’t get him anywhere, he pushed against Yuu with all his weight in order to shove him away, but Yuu didn’t budge. He knew that he couldn’t, knew that Takanori needed him right now, needed him to be his rock; no matter how presumptuous that thought seemed to him.

Takanori ultimately ended up trying to punch him to get him to let go of him, all the while tears still streamed down his face. His whole body was trembling due to his agitation. Though he tried to break free once again, his turmoil had worn him down to the point where he was incapable of putting up much of a fight to try and escape Yuu’s grip.

“Please stop,” he pleaded silently. “You’re gonna hurt yourself, Nori.” It pained him to see the other in so much agony, to witness another one of his breakdowns firsthand. Once more he got reminded of how little he knew about actual heartbreak, and of how painful it seemed to be. Even his quarrels with his father appeared void in comparison.

Still struggling weakly, Takanori choked on another heart-wrenching sob. However, his resistance had died down significantly, and Yuu finally dared to loosen his grip a bit, so he could take ahold of Takanori’s wrists with one hand, and get the other free. He had noticed the pencil in his hand before, but only now did he notice the small trickle of blood that ran down Takanori’s palm. Carefully, he removed the pencil from his hand, discarded the broken pieces to the floor, and tried to get a closer look at the wound.

Takanori seemed to pick up on his distracted state, and began to struggle again, trying to break free of his grasp with a pained groan. Yuu let the wound be for the moment being, and pressed Takanori’s hands against his chest. “It’s alright,” he faintly tried to reassure him, feeling utterly useless as he did so. He had never had to deal with heartbreak, neither his own, nor anyone else’s. He felt like a first-grader that had accidentally ended up in one of the upper classes. He didn’t even know what to say, how to soothe the pain, _how to make it go away._ So instead, he clumsily mumbled, “I’m here,” before he wrapped his arm around Takanori’s shaking body and pulled him close.

Takanori kept his struggles up for about another thirty seconds in which he tried to shove Yuu away again. He tried to break free from his grasp so he could hit him, all the while he yelled at him, “Let go of me, bastard!”, then choked on more sobs. Then, he repeated the whole spectacle.

Eventually, he had exhausted himself, and Yuu felt him slump against his body tiredly. He buried his face in Yuu’s shirt. He felt his tears on his chest through the soaked fabric of his shirt as Takanori’s sobs died down until he wept silently. Neither spoke a word as he cried into his shirt, and Yuu held him close, painting soothing circles on his back with his fingers.

The one who broke the silence was Takanori. “T-Three,” he sniveled, “N-not one but… three.”

Yuu frowned in confusion, unable to understand what he was getting at. “What do you mean?” he asked softly, not halting in his caressing moves. He felt shame well up inside of him as the thought of how good it felt to hold Takanori in his arms crossed his mind. This thought was more than inappropriate given the circumstances which had driven him into his arms. Still, he couldn’t fight the warm fluttering in his stomach as he felt the warmth radiating from Takanori’s body.

“Akira, he-“ His voice broke, and he hiccupped. If this situation hadn’t been this serious, Yuu would have teased him with how cute his little hiccup had been. “He didn’t… not one, but three,” he repeated his confusing words, and it became apparent to Yuu that it was too painful for him to put whatever he was trying to say into words. Takanori fell silent again, and helplessly, Yuu glanced around the office. Then, understanding hit him like a truck. The devastated office. Takanori’s upset state. Akira. Not one, but three. Three. _Of course._ There was only one thing that could have derailed him this much.

Not one, but three.

 _“That bastard cheated on you with three different men?!”_ Blind rage shot through Yuu in the matter of seconds as he felt Takanori’s faint nod against his chest, and heard him suppress another sob. Now he _truly_ felt the urge to haul some things against the wall himself; preferably Akira’s stupid ass. How dare this asshole? Takanori deserved so much better than this. Yuu would never treat him that poorly if he were his boyfriend.

 _But you’re not his boyfriend, now are you?_ A mean little voice in the back of his mind mocked him. _And you never will be._

Of course Yuu knew. And of course he would never be his. Because Takanori deserved better than the both of them. Yuu surely didn’t deserve him. If he had had any romantic feelings for him, that was. Which he didn’t. No way in hell.

“I’m sorry,” Takanori disrupted his inner argument. “I didn’t mean to-“ He hiccupped again, and Yuu’s chest contracted almost painfully at how cute the whole situation was. Takanori had finally dared to look up at him again, and his nose twitched slightly as he hiccupped, wet trails of his tears still visible on his face. At least he had stopped crying. “It’s just that I…” He shook his head, then gnawed at his lower lip in shame. As though he had to feel ashamed of getting hurt, of crying, of being human. “I only just now found out.” His lower lip started to tremble again, but he took a deep breath to steady himself. “I feel so stupid.”

Reluctantly, Yuu let go of his wrists, though the disappointment he felt at the loss of contact disappeared as Takanori let him wipe away the tearstains with his thumb without comment. “You’re not stupid,” he reassured him timidly. “You trusted him, and he betrayed your trust. He’s the stupid one.” Following his instinct, Yuu bent forward to press a tender kiss to Takanori’s forehead. When he retreated (reluctantly again – but he had no romantic feelings whatsoever!), he caught Takanori blushing, and a smile crept to his face. “Plus, I think you’re very cute.”

“I’m not cute!” Takanori complained with a pout, then he hiccupped again. _So fucking adorable!_

Fighting off the urge to kiss him on the spot (that wouldn’t have been very appropriate, now would it?), Yuu booped the tip of his nose with his index finger. “Whatever you say, cutie.”

With relief, he took notice of the faintest hint of a smile tugging at Takanori’s lips.

 

 

“Hold still!”

“I am holding still! You’re just a bad nurse!”

“If you were holding still, I would’ve gotten that little fucker out minutes ago!”

Takanori and Yuu entered an angry staring contest, both trying to put the blame on the other through their glances. They were seated at one of the small tables in the break room of the Matsumoto law firm. Yuu had – unsuccessfully – been trying to remove a small splinter from Takanori’s palm for the last ten minutes, but the ends of the tweezers just wouldn’t take ahold of the damned thing so that he could pull it out. The fact that the wound was still bleeding didn’t help much, either, nor did Takanori wincing every time Yuu so much as came close to the wound.

He narrowed his eyes, another snarky comment on the tip of his tongue, when he finally noticed the exhaustion that laid hidden behind Takanori’s anger. His eyes took in his tearstained cheeks for yet another second. Yuu sighed in defeat. “Alright, lemme try again.” He pressed his lips together, highly focused on his nemesis of the day, a.k.a. this damn little splinter. He carefully approached it with the tweezers, meanwhile his left hand tightened its grip on Takanori’s hand to steady and support it. It was high time he got the damn thing out, because if this continued, then Takanori was surely prone to push him into driving him to the ER – if he didn’t call Kouyou altogether.

No way in hell would Yuu live through that humiliation!

Holding his breath, he fished for the splinter with his tweezers, squeezing Takanori’s hand reassuringly to make sure he kept it as steady as possible. Careful, in order not to slip off and hurt him, he brought the tweezers close to the splinter, trying to grasp it, so he could pull it out. He missed the goddamn thing another three times, before he finally managed to seize it with the tweezers. Takanori began to hold his breath as well, becoming stiff as a statue as he waited for his next move.

In a swift movement, Yuu pulled his hand backwards, yanking the resilient piece of wood out of Takanori’s flesh. Both of them took a deep breath, then sighed in relief. Yuu stared at the splinter that was stuck between the ends of the tweezers in triumph, before he discarded it in one of the tissues. He rummaged through the first-aid kit, pulled out a bottle of disinfectant spray as well as some cotton pads, and looked at Takanori apologetically. “This is gonna smart,” he murmured, and Takanori groaned, but nodded in agreement. He flinched as the wound came in contact with the substance, but remained silent otherwise. Yuu cleaned the wound, and then bandaged his hand meticulously. “Here you go.” It was with a bit of pride that he eyed his work afterwards.

“Don’t get too confident, now,” Takanori mocked him, though he seemed content as well.

Yuu put the utensils back into the first-aid kit, then retrieved his pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his pants. “Why, don’t like playing doctor?” he teased with a smirk.

A huff was the response, “Not that kind, no.”

Yuu looked up at the somber tone of voice, and chided himself as he took notice of the sad expression Takanori was wearing on his face. Joking and flirting with him this soon after his breakdown was not only inappropriate, but unsavory. He opened his mouth to apologize, but was cut off by the wry smile that spread on Takanori’s lips. That fake smile he detested so much. However, Takanori didn’t try to convince him how he was ‘alright’, instead, he nodded at the pack of cigarettes in his hand. “Do you mind sharing?” he asked quietly. “I could really use one.”

In place of a reply, Yuu simply flicked the pack open and offered it to him, watching silently as Takanori took one of the cigarettes and shoved it between his lips. Yuu did the same, before taking out his lighter. He took another look at his bandaged hand, then reached over the table and lit his cigarette for him. Takanori smiled faintly as a thanks, and Yuu lit his own cigarette.

They smoked in silence for a good minute, in which he fumbled with the edges of his bandage while Yuu watched him silently. Takanori shifted his gaze from his left hand to the right, which was holding the cigarette. Yuu watched as he brought it to his lips, took a deep drag, and relished in the taste of the smoke in his lungs, before he blew it out, and tapped the ash off. He laughed dryly. “To think that I even quit smoking for that bastard,” Takanori whispered, before taking another drag.

“I’m sorry.” Yuu didn’t know what else to say. I’m sorry he did this to you. I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you need. Always just _I’m sorry_.

Another dry laugh. “Why are you always apologizing?” Takanori asked sternly. “You did nothing wrong.”

Ashamed, Yuu cast down his eyes. “I don’t know. Is there anything else I could say? Anything you’d really wanna hear?”

They fell back into silence, but this time, Yuu completely forgot about his cigarette, which slowly burned down between his fingers. He didn’t really feel like smoking anymore, anyway. And it frustrated him that he could think of nothing to make Takanori feel better. He seemed very collected right now, however, Yuu knew that looks were deceiving, and that Takanori very well could be at the verge of another breakdown for all he knew. Why was he so incompetent? Not enough that he kept running from his own problems (his own sexuality and his father, to name two of them), no, he couldn’t even help his friend _(lover?)_ feel better. How truly pathetic.

“Actually, there’s one thing.”

Yuu looked up in surprise, not having expected this answer. Not having expected any answer, to be honest. “Oh? And what’s that?” he asked, finally remembering that he was holding a cigarette, which had almost burned down to the filter by now. He took a last drag before he stubbed it out.

He frowned when Takanori started to stare at the table top to avoid his gaze, tugging at his lower lip with his teeth in his nervousness. “Well, it’s just an idea that crossed my mind, uhm… I thought maybe you’d like to, uhm… join me on my trip to Nagoya tomorrow?”

If Yuu was surprised before, then he was absolutely astonished now. Speechless even. He hadn’t expected this in the least. He felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of spending two days in a faraway city with Takanori. Just Takanori and him. “I… uhm, I’m-“ He felt his cheeks burn, and bit the inside of his cheek to try and get his shit together. Embarrassedly, he stared down at his hands that were entwined on the table top.

“I know this is pretty sudden. And I know it’s also miles below your paygrade, since you’re not a paralegal, but… I don’t know. I thought it might be fun. And after that incident the other day, Jirou _really_ doesn’t want to tag along, and well, the other paralegals are pretty much all busy. And it’s not like I really want any of them to come along anyway, uhm, I’d much rather have you accompany me. And I think it might do us both some good to get out of Tokyo for a few days, you know, because of the thing with your father… and Akira, and… oh God, I’m sorry, I’m rambling.” Takanori laughed sheepishly, and Yuu looked up from his hands. The same redness he felt in his cheeks was displayed on Takanori’s, making him look a lot healthier; less pale, and less… _unhappy._

And who was Yuu to ruin that?

Not to mention that he felt ecstatic at the thought. _Takanori wanted to spend his time with him, and him alone._ Yuu conveniently disregarded the possibility that maybe he was only asking him to tag along so he wouldn’t have to spend two lonely nights. He was too busy with feeling this weird rush of happiness Takanori’s words had set free deep inside of him. _Takanori wanted him of all people to accompany him._

Now all Yuu had to do was somehow break free from his rigor and actually give him an answer. If only he didn’t feel so goddamn giddy all of a sudden. What was he so nervous for? It wasn’t the first time they would spend some time together, after all. It wasn’t the first time they would (most likely) spend the night together, either. Sure, they were going to spend it in another town, but what did that matter? It didn’t change anything, now did it? So why on earth was he feeling so jittery now?

With a clearing of his throat, Takanori yanked him out of his mind carousel, and with great unease did Yuu notice the distant hesitation on his face. He was beginning to take his silence the wrong way, possibly regretting his decision already. All because Yuu was so goddamn dumb, getting worked up over something as trivial as a trip with Takanori. And all of that when it was so simple to ease his anxiety, to rid him of his doubts. All Yuu had to do was to finally open his mouth and agree to his preposition. It couldn’t be that hard to conjure up the right thing to say, right? His mother used to say that he had the gift of the gab, so why were his lips still not moving?

Yuu slid his hand off the table, and pinched his thigh to regain his composure, forget about his stupid bliss for a second and actually return to the present for a while. To the table at which they were seated, at which he had so clumsily patched up Takanori after he had uncovered yet more of Akira’s misdeeds. And most of all to Takanori, who was looking at him all expectedly. And warily. What was the question again?

_I do._

“I would love to.” Finally, those words left his mouth. And finally, Takanori’s face lit up with a genuine smile, which seemed to downright make him glow. His eyes lit up in excitement, and the color returned to his cheeks. There was such a sweet innocence to his joy that warmed Yuu’s heart, and made his stomach flutter. Maybe he gave himself too little credit. Because it wasn’t impossible to not lift him up, after all. Moreover, Takanori’s happiness was contagious. Yuu felt the same warm feeling that he saw displayed on his face flow through him as well. Or maybe it was Takanori’s angelic smile that always managed to brighten up his whole world. A smile he was hoping to see a lot in the next two days – and if he personally had to see to it. He would do anything to see this most genuine and pure smile as often as he could manage.

_If I could, I’d marry you on the spot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like we're gonna take a little trip next~
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for the overwhelming support!


	23. Chapter 23

With a skeptical look, Yuu eyed the black tie in his right hand. Then, his gaze flickered to his reflection, taking in his black suit, before it returned to the tie. Takanori had said that his father’s secretary had made a reservation for them at a fancy restaurant. He just didn’t really know _how_ fancy exactly the restaurant was going to be. If it was anything like the hotel rooms she had booked them, then that tie surely wouldn’t be enough to dress him the part. He truly hadn’t spared the kind of establishments they would reside in a thought. And one of his usual suits had been more than enough for their meeting with the Matsumotos’ client in the afternoon.

And now he couldn’t decide whether that damned tie was necessary or not. He had never liked ties, had only thrown it in his suitcase upon instinct. Maybe it was better if he wore it? Since he could always remove it later on if he felt like it. And maybe he should have asked Takanori what he was going to wear? Had he known beforehand what kind of restaurant they were going to have dinner in? Yuu would have had no problem to settle for the hotel’s own restaurant, which was fancy enough on its own; heck, even McDonalds, however, apparently the Matsumotos’ liked taking it up a notch. Well, as did his father. Yuu liked to believe that he had acquired his more simplistic tastes through Yutaka’s family (expect for something as ‘despicable’ as McDonalds, according to his best friend). Which might have been the reason why he couldn’t decide on a goddamn tie now. God, why was he freaking out over such a little thing to begin with?

It surely wasn’t the thought of Takanori and him having dinner in a fancy restaurant that caused his anxiety to peak, now was it?

Really, why would he be nervous about something like that? It was not like they were going on a date. They were just some colleagues-slash-friends-slash-lovers that were going to have dinner together, like they had had many times. The only difference was that this restaurant was going to be a bit fancier. Plus maybe the fact that they were in an unfamiliar city roughly 220 miles away from Tokyo.

Seriously though, this wasn’t a big deal.

Groaning in annoyance at his fluttering stomach, Yuu finally decided to put the damn tie on. At least this way he wouldn’t have brought it with him in vain. Giving himself another quick once-over, he grabbed his wallet, keycard and car keys. Then, he stepped out into the palatial hallway with the high ceiling and the immaculately white walls, which were decorated with large paintings of European artists of various epochs and centuries. The golden carpet and the golden chandeliers that were embellished with crystalline stones were pure overkill to Yuu, overwhelming the eye with all their splendor.

Not sparing the overdone luxurious interior any more mind, he walked over to the next door, and hesitantly knocked on the white-painted wood. Although he had taken his sweet time in showering as well as mulling over his damn tie issue, he wasn’t sure whether Takanori was finished yet.

“Gimme a sec!” he heard him call, then a faint noise of rummaging was heard, followed by a cursed, “Where’s my damn keycard?” Yuu couldn’t help but smirk at the words; Takanori could almost be as clumsy and forgettable as Yutaka from time to time. “Ah, there it is!” he added, then some hustling was audible as he hurried to the door. “Sorry for making you wait!” he blurted out as soon as the door swung open.

Yuu wanted to dismiss his apology, but the words got stuck in his throat.

_Oh crap!_

Blinking, he stared at Takanori, feeling his heartrate accelerate at the view. He was wearing a similar outfit to the one he had presented himself in after their shopping tour; a white shirt with a black corset, this time paired with a black jacket, some black gloves to hide his bandaged hand, and a black fedora atop of straightened blonde hair. Naturally, his eyes wandered south, and he gasped as he noticed those damned high heeled over-knees again. This time he had combined them with a black short skirt (surely, some fishnet tights and super short hot pants weren’t the most appropriate choice for fancy restaurants). To top it all, he was wearing a bow tie and deep dark red lipstick.

 _Oh God have mercy!_ Yuu thought as he stared at him, feeling his blood boil in excitement at the gorgeous sight. God knew this man was going to be the death of him. Why had he elected to torture him again tonight, especially tonight, when he would be forced to sit through dinner with him looking like _that_? Unable to touch him, to worship him, to make him his?

The little devil smirked triumphantly at Yuu’s dumbfounded expression. “I thought this’d be a good opportunity to wear them again, don’t you think?” he asked almost innocently, turning his right heel around to look at his boot in utter admiration. “God, I love these boots! It’d be such a waste to not show them around!”

“Absolutely,” Yuu managed to breathe huskily, then cleared his throat to get it in proper working condition again. “You ready?” He bit down on his tongue, feeling the strong urge to push Takanori back into his room, and devour him right then and there, actual food be damned.

Takanori giggled quietly, checked his purse, and then nodded. “As ready as Spongebob.”

Yuu grimaced at the phrase, but remained silent. Takanori was lucky to be this fucking attractive, and that he was crazy about him. Otherwise he would have surely ditched him after that cringe-worthy comparison.

“I always knew you had weird tastes, but still…” was all he murmured. He tried to stop himself from staring at Takanori’s legs, but failed miserably. Hungrily, his eyes wandered over his perfectly shaped legs, imagining how they looked without those boots covering the pale skin. How soft they felt under Yuu’s lips, how excited it made him feel to think about leaving dark marks all over them.

 In order to ensure they still got some real food tonight, he pried his gaze away from Takanori’s legs and his mind away from those thoughts. Instead, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the elevators.

Another giggle reached his ears, this time it was an incredulous one. “I’m not the one with a leg fetish, now am I?” he mocked him.

Not knowing how to hit him back, Yuu decided to sulk for the rest of the way to the car.

 

 

The restaurant turned out to be just as fancy as the hotel. Not fancier, but still luxurious. At least its interior wasn’t as obnoxiously golden as the one in the hotel; instead, the walls and the chair upholstery were kept in a dark red, and the tables were made of dark mahogany wood. On every table there was a silver candelabrum holding three equally dark red candles. Not that Yuu paid much attention to all of that, because all he could glimpse at was Takanori.

Why did he have to be so goddamn gorgeous?

With his elegant look, he fit right in with the dark-red ambience, while Yuu felt strangely out of place. Sure, his suit was acceptable, but still – he felt as though he seriously paled next to him. Moreover, all the other guests’ eyes as well as the waiters’ looks automatically gravitated towards Takanori. Though it scraped at his pride (or more his ego) a bit, Yuu would have greatly encouraged everyone to stare at Takanori. He most definitely deserved all the attention; if only he hadn’t been so super self-conscious about himself.

Yuu had started to notice him tense up as soon as they had gotten out of the car and into the restaurant. He had begun to constantly fumble with his skirt or his fedora or his jacket or whatever else his fidgety fingers could grasp in his anxiety. And Yuu knew that he was partly to blame for this. He understood full well that one opinion – his opinion – didn’t make the world go round. Didn’t make Takanori’s world go round. So no matter what he had told him last time he had worn such androgynous clothes, no matter what he had done to _show_ him, Yuu wasn’t so naïve as to think that his word alone would be enough to reassure Takanori. To rid him of all his self-doubts. His self-doubts that bastard Akira had instilled in him.

Oh, how Yuu hated him for it. How he hated him for treating Takanori like trash by cheating on him repeatedly, by crushing his self-esteem as well as his self-worth beneath his heel without giving a single damn. And then that bastard had the audacity to try and get back with him, to not get the fuck out of his life once and for all. Yuu had noticed the repeated glances Takanori had shot his phone during their meeting, and he also had noticed Akira’s name flash up on the screen. He knew that trying to move on from Akira was taking everything out of Takanori, knew that it took him a great deal of strength and restraint to keep a straight face while he was hurting so immensely.

He could see it in his eyes. Those dark orbs that were overcast with a somber sadness he just couldn’t hide. At least not from Yuu. Just like he couldn’t hide the fact that he was still unable to block Akira on his phone.

“Has everything been to your liking?” their personal waiter yanked Yuu out of his thoughts, and he looked up to him.

“Yeah, it was delicious.” Yuu glanced at Takanori to inquire his opinion, and Takanori nodded affirmatively.

With a content smile, the waiter cleared their table. They had eaten in a mixture of comfortable silence and pleasant chatter about small matters, nothing too heavy or serious just like they always liked to spend their time. Takanori had just told Yuu about the first chaotic months after his mother had adopted Koron. It had warmed Yuu’s heart to watch him while he talked with this happy glow in his eyes, gesturing wildly with the chopsticks in his hand as he vividly described the back then puppy’s antics.

“Would you and your date like another glass of wine?” the waiter asked him, and Yuu’s eyes widened in shock, napkin frozen midair in his hand.

Blushing deeply, he shook his head. “I, uhm… we…. Uhm… He’s not… we’re not, uhm… this is not a, uhm…” he stuttered. His cheeks burned so hotly, he thought he was going to die from embarrassment. Thank God the lights were very dim in the restaurant, or otherwise the waiter would have clearly been able to see his crimson cheeks. And worse, Takanori would have too. Though his stammering didn’t really make matters better. Still, kudos to that waiter for being this laid back about the idea of a homosexual couple dining in their establishment. Or maybe he was just very professional; Yuu bet this level of professionality probably came with the price. “Uh, I mean, you can have another one if you want,” he murmured, sheepishly glancing at Takanori.

A wide grin on his face ( _Goddammit!_ ), Takanori nodded again. “I’ll have another one,” he told the waiter.

“I’ll take a water,” Yuu grumbled embarrassedly, staring down at his empty wineglass. He dropped the napkin onto the table, feeling as though he was throwing in the towel instead.

“He’s the designated driver tonight,” Takanori grinned, unmistakably amused about the whole situation. He always liked to bask in Yuu’s humiliation, after all, and he took immense joy in seeing him suffer. That little devil.

With a polite smile, the waiter noted their wishes, before he left.

“What are you pouting about?” Takanori pried teasingly, and Yuu held his breath as he felt the distinct sensation of a leg brushing against his in a seductive manner.

But he wasn’t as weak as Takanori thought him to be. Or maybe he was still bearing too much of a grudge to give in to his advances right now. So he retreated from the touch reluctantly while he forced himself to look as unfazed as possible, and stuck his tongue out like a child. “Thanks for the assist,” he retorted salty. Why was he always the only one to make a fool out of himself? And why was he so fucking addicted to Takanori, ready to jump at his every beck and call, and forgive him within seconds if he so much as fluttered his eyelashes at him? Or rubbed his leg against Yuu’s, in this case.

However, his words didn’t truly reach Takanori, and neither had his rejection. He had just taken another look at his damned phone that had beeped at the arrival of a new text message. Yuu understood he couldn’t just drop everything while they were having dinner, and his father surely awaited news from their meeting, but at the same time he didn’t understand at all. He clenched his fist beneath the table as he watched Takanori’s grin fade and his face fall, and he wanted to throw the goddamn phone across the room. Of course it had been Akira again, and not his father. If only Yuu could make him forget about Akira. If only he could make him stay in the now, far away from all the painful memories and agonizing thoughts. If only he could make him focus on nothing but him.

No one but him.

Seeing Takanori’s lower lip tremble dangerously, Yuu reached across the table, switched off the screen of his phone, and lowered his hand so he wouldn’t stare at it anymore. Distressed, Takanori looked up to him. A billion things crossed Yuu’s mind at the heartbroken state he was in. Things like how unfair it was for him to suffer this much. How much he wished he could just take it all away. How much he wished to see him smile, to see his eyes shine again like they had when he had told him about their first struggles with Koron. How much he wished that he could make Takanori see himself the way he saw him. As a wonderful, gorgeous, strong-willed man that ghosted around Yuu’s head more often than he ought to do.

Not knowing what else to do, he spoke the most prominent thing on his mind. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” It was weird how confident he managed to be from time to time; when it mattered, when he needed to be. When Takanori depended on it.

“You’re lying,” Takanori muttered, and averted his gaze. It was hard to tell in the dimly lit room, but Yuu was certain that he was blushing at his words. “If it were true, all these people wouldn’t keep staring at me. I shouldn’t have worn this stupid outfit in public. It’s humiliating.”

His words made Yuu’s heart ache. “No,” he objected firmly. “They’re looking at you because you look absolutely stunning.” He looked Takanori over once more this night, and smiled at him reassuringly. It was true, though. He looked absolutely breathtaking – Yuu didn’t know whether the other people saw it the same way, but it didn’t matter to him. And neither should it matter to Takanori. He softly squeezed his hand that he was still holding, feeling the urge to never let go of it again. “I know it doesn’t matter what I think, but I’m telling you, you’re utterly gorgeous.” His cheeks burned warmly, but this time Yuu didn’t care.

What he cared about was the faint smile on Takanori’s lips, and the way he nervously gnawed at his lower lip, causing his stomach to flutter for the gazillionth time tonight. “You do matter, dummy. Don’t say something like that. I… I always care about what you think, you know?” He shrugged sheepishly. “I guess I can’t help it. It’s always been that way with people that are important to me.” He shut his mouth and Yuu watched his eyes widen at the realization of his own words. Meanwhile, his own heart skipped a beat.

_People that are important to me._

_I’m important to him._

Lost for words, Yuu laughed silently. “You’re important to me as well,” he admitted. “Which is why it pains me so much to see you like this. To hear you say stuff like that. Because it’s simply not true, and I wish you’d see that as well. I wish he didn’t… I wish you… I–“ He fell silent, unable to find the right words. It was probably for the better if he didn’t finish his sentence anyway. What use were his words to Takanori? _I wish he didn’t still own your heart. I wish you were able to move on from him._

_(I wish you belonged to me.)_

“I wish so too,” Takanori whispered, staring deep into Yuu’s eyes.

“Here you go! Sorry for the wait!” Startled, they both withdrew from their touch, and looked up at the waiter in shock, as though he had caught them doing something forbidden. Even though they had merely held hands. Well, barely so. Pretending like he hadn’t noticed, the waiter put down their drinks, another one of those polite smiles plastered onto his face; it made Yuu wonder whether his smile was set in stone, with how unwavering it seemed to be.

“Thanks,” he muttered, cursing the waiter in his mind for the interruption. When Takanori had looked at him like a lost puppy, when he had uttered these words, his voice barely above a whisper, the world had stopped moving around Yuu. He had completely forgotten about anyone and anything else, until that waiter had so rudely yanked him back into reality.

“Anything else?” The waiter asked, totally oblivious to Yuu’s angry thoughts he telepathically shot at him like daggers.

Taking out his wallet, Yuu nodded. “I’d like the check please.”

The waiter bowed, then – _finally_ – left them alone again.

“Uh, no!” Yuu exclaimed firmly as Takanori grabbed his purse to look for his own wallet. With furrowed brows, he looked up at him. “I’m paying,” Yuu insisted, putting on what he hoped would be his sternest tone.

Finally, as though someone had flipped a switch, the smirk reappeared on Takanori’s face. “I thought this wasn’t a, uhm… we’re not, uhm…. It’s not, a, uhm… date?” he said, mercilessly imitating Yuu’s previous stuttering to tease him. As though their heart-to-heart had never happened.

Yuu stared at him with narrowed eyes, almost tempted to not pay for Takanori’s meal after all. Part of him wanted to stubbornly tell him that _of course_ it wasn’t a date, while another part of him winced at the echo of these words in his mind. “It’s a work-date,” he semi-dodged the comment. “Let me at least pay for _one_ thing on this trip.” He did feel bad about the Matsumoto law firm bearing the full cost of his stay, so the least he could do was take care of some damned check.

For once, Takanori didn’t object.

 

* * *

 

Takanori couldn’t deny that he liked the gentlemanly side of Yuu quite a lot. That side which paid for his dinner even though he didn’t have to. That side which always tried his best to cheer him up when he was feeling heartbroken yet again. That side which kept telling him these sweet things over and over again, making him blush, and filled him with these odd sensations. How did Yuu manage to be this sweet without even trying, when at other times he was barely able to form a cohesive sentence? It was overly endearing.

However, Takanori couldn’t deny how much he liked Yuu’s other side either. That side which looked at him so longingly. That side which had made him addicted to Yuu, addicted to his looks, his touches, his everything. That side which desired him every day, just like he desired Yuu. That side which he tried so hard to suppress as they were riding the elevator, on their way to their rooms after they had finished their _work-date_. Takanori’s stomach fluttered at the recollection of those words. He hadn’t been on a

_(date)_

work-date in years, most of his business trips he had taken by himself. Partly because he didn’t really need assistance during those (though he truly appreciated Yuu’s company), and partly because Akira had begged him not to go on trips to other cities with other men, because he had always been the more jealous type. How utterly ironic.

Forcibly pushing away the thoughts about his _ex_ -boyfriend, he looked up at Yuu, who quickly averted his gaze to pretend like he hadn’t just stared at his legs again. Takanori, for his part, wasn’t as prude when it came to things like staring. So he blatantly scrutinized Yuu, who looked absolutely ravishing in his black suit, his hair loosely tied up in a messy ponytail. If Takanori was to believe his words about how he looked stunning, then Yuu was the most beautiful person on the whole planet. And without even trying at that.

Normally, this thought could very well frustrate Takanori; however, now it filled him with a strange feeling of triumph. For this ethereal human being was his, and his alone. At least for the time being. “Who allowed you to be so goddamn attractive?” he half teased, half vented his frustration.

The blush he got in response gave his confidence a major boost. Yuu turned his head to look at him, and he reached out to him, grabbing his tie and pulling him close. Their lips brushed against each other ever so faintly, and Takanori felt himself shiver. God, he wanted this man so much, yearned for him with every fiber of his being. Yearned for him to set him on fire, to burn him up entirely, to burn away every last trace of Akira. Until nothing but Yuu remained. “I want you so badly,” he whispered, pressing closer until their bodies touched. “I need you.”

Yuu seized his face, running his thumb along Takanori’s cheek, before touching his lips gingerly. “So do I.” With that, he took the initiative, leaning down to kiss him roughly, giving him just the faintest taste of his passion, his longing. Before Takanori could so much as respond to the kiss, he retreated again, studying his face meticulously, thereby running his thumb along the shape of his lips, giving him goosebumps all over. “I’m gonna show you tonight just how badly you want me,” he breathed against his lips. “I’m gonna make you beg for it.” His tongue darted out, and he licked Takanori’s lower lip as though it was a delicious dessert. “I’m gonna make you forget about everything else.”

“Those are some bold words, Mr. Lawyer,” Takanori replied, but shivered pleasantly at the intense glare Yuu was giving him. A glare that usurped all doubt about the sincerity of his words. A glare, which was quickly followed by Yuu’s lips that pressed against his again, hungrily devouring Takanori, who couldn’t help but moan into the kiss as he felt desire shoot through every ounce of his body. His arms locked around Yuu’s neck as he seized him by the hip, and picked him up, pressing his back against the thin wall of the elevator. It surprised Takanori positively how much more outgoing and relaxed Yuu seemed to be in a different city, and part of him wished they could stay longer. Just the two of them, and nobody else there to disturb them.

He wrapped his legs around his waist, willingly accepting his tongue into his mouth. He felt Yuu’s hands slide underneath his skirt to roam his thighs, before they grabbed his ass firmly, and he jerked his hips forward, grinding his growing erection against Yuu’s abdomen. Yuu moaned, which sounded like the most beautiful thing in the world to him, intoxicating him even more.

He didn’t even pick up the bell of the elevator ringing as they reached their floor, barely noticed Yuu beginning to move. All he could think about in that moment was the feeling of Yuu’s body pressed so closely against his as he carried him down the hallway, both of them too absorbed in each other to give a damn about running into other hotel guests.

Takanori groaned his disapproval when Yuu broke the kiss after a while, and looked at him in a daze. “I need your keycard,” he breathed, and Takanori turned his head, only now realizing that they were in front of his hotel room already. For a second he wondered why Yuu didn’t simply use his own keycard to his own hotel room, but it quickly dawned on him that his room was simply situated closer to the elevators. If only ever so slightly.

Not wasting more time with thinking about hotel rooms and elevators, he hastily pulled his keycard out and handed it to Yuu. Then, he seized his nape and pulled him close for another kiss, distracting Yuu in his task of opening the door.

It took him another fifteen seconds to finally get them access to the room.

Still carrying him, Yuu stumbled into the hotel room; the door fell shut behind them with a loud thud. Breathing in Yuu’s familiar scent, Takanori carelessly dumped his purse on the ground and buried his fingers in his long strands, impatiently tugging at his hair. He felt Yuu’s hands move up his back, and shortly after, he seized his nape to deepen their kiss, while his other hand relieved him of the fedora. He pulled his own fingers out of Yuu’s hair for a brief second to remove his gloves in order to be able to feel Yuu – really feel him. He let his long, silky hair run through his fingers, and pulled him closer.

It didn’t take much longer until they were tearing at each other’s clothes, discarding both of their jackets to the floor as they continued their passionate kiss, bringing their tongues together needy. Takanori felt his want for Yuu grow from a small flame to a blazing inferno, heating up his whole body until it was set ablaze. He removed his tongue from Yuu’s mouth to suck at his lower lip, before he bit down on it yearningly. Then, he kissed him again. His hands began moving on their own accord, tugging at Yuu’s tie in an attempt to open the knot, and just in the moment that he finally managed to loosen it enough, he roughly got lowered onto the mattress of his king-sized hotel bed.

He broke the kiss upon impact, gasping in surprise; he had been so absorbed in Yuu that he hadn’t even took notice of their arrival in his bedroom. He wanted to seize his tie again, however, Yuu was quicker. He was kept from continuing with his quest as Yuu undid his corset and shirt, and stripped him of both. He lowered his head and began to distribute greedy kisses on Takanori’s skin, painting a trail from his neck down to his collarbone and finally his chest. Takanori moaned as he felt Yuu’s tongue lick his nipple, and his cock throbbed longingly as he bit down on it to tease him.

Yuu continued to circle his tongue around his hardening nipple, and ran his thumb over the other one, coaxing yet another moan from Takanori. He grabbed at Yuu’s tie sloppily, tugging on it as though there was any need to motivate him to move closer. When Yuu grinded his hard-on against his, Takanori gasped, tugging at the tie with more force and finally releasing it. He dumped it onto the mattress next to him carelessly, instead reaching for the buttons of Yuu’s shirt, which proved to be quite a challenge with Yuu still pleasuring his nipples.

Thankfully, Yuu decided to endorse him, licking his way up Takanori’s chest again, dragging the tip of his tongue alongside his jawline until he had reached his chin. They locked lips again, taking up where they had left off before they had reached the bed. Finally, Takanori was granted the opportunity to unbutton Yuu’s shirt, and tear it from his body impatiently. He dragged his nails across his chest hungrily, reveling in the feeling of Yuu’s breathless moan against his lips as his fingers went downward, scraping over his stomach lightly, until he had reached his waistband. Takanori smiled into their kiss at the thought of what he was going to do next, and he tugged at the waistband with one hand, while trying to shove the other one inside.

He did expect Yuu to shiver at the attempt. However, he didn’t expect for him to reach down as well, grab Takanori’s wrists firmly, and pull his arms over his head. His wrists collided with the metal of the headboard, and Takanori inhaled sharply at the sting of pain, breaking their kiss once again.

“Sorry,” Yuu muttered, pinning his hands against the headboard with one hand while seizing his jaw with the other to turn his head to the side and cover his neck in apologetic kisses. Takanori snorted, but indulged in his gestures to make it up to him. He closed his eyes as he felt Yuu’s lips move against his heated skin, and his teeth nibble at a most sensitive spot right beneath his left ear, making him moan at the contact.

Yuu shifted slightly atop of him, and Takanori felt something silky wrap around his wrists. First, he didn’t think much of it, but when the something pressed against his skin more tightly, he frowned. He tried to move his hands, tried to feel what had taken ahold of him, however, his hands wouldn’t move an inch. “What the hell?” His eyes shot open, and he struggled against his unknown restraints again, while tilting his head up and trying to make out what was holding him back.

In the moonlit bedroom, he could make out the dark silhouette of Yuu’s tie.

His heartbeat accelerated as anxiety seeped through his body. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice shaky from the sudden panic. “Get that shit off of me!”

“Shhhh!” Yuu breathed, grasping his chin and forcing him to lower his head. “Look at me.” Involuntarily, Takanori did as he was told, meanwhile his heart hammered away in his chest. He didn’t even know why he was so freaked out all of a sudden. All he knew was that his knees began to feel weak, but other than that he couldn’t form a single cohesive thought. However, Yuu’s next words put him in a weirdly peaceful cloud of utter calmness. “Do you trust me?”

Speechlessly, he stared up at Yuu, feeling his thumb caress his lower lip yet again. At the touch, his mind calmed down as well. And suddenly he understood. Understood his own fear of giving up control, of handing the reins over to someone else while leaving himself utterly defenseless and vulnerable. And while that thought scared him a great deal, he also began to feel another emotion: untamed ecstasy at the thought of surrendering himself to Yuu, to let go, to let him do whatever he wanted to do to him. And all of a sudden, the thought of being tied up didn’t freak him out anymore; it turned him on. It was exciting to think about it, to think about the possibilities, the new experience this brought with it. Akira had never indulged in plays like this, had always stuck to the most basic ways of pleasuring them. Pleasuring himself first and foremost.

And even if he had decided to indulge in something like this, Takanori doubted he would have stopped to check whether he was alright with it as well. Akira had been a decent boyfriend for the most parts, however, he had also been extremely adamant of getting his will, of doing things the way he wanted to do them – especially in the bedroom.

Unlike Yuu. Which might have been yet another reason why he was with him tonight, and not with Akira.

“I do.” Takanori ceased his struggles, feeling his heartrate pick up even more as he sealed his own fate with these two little words.

Yuu gave him an unbearably soft kiss which made his stomach flutter, causing him to scold his own stupid anxiety.

“You better make good on those confident words of yours, Mr. Lawyer,” he whispered, then raised his head to get at those delicious lips again. Yuu returned the kiss, however, Takanori could sense his restraint in the way he kissed him. Slowly. Carefully. Tantalizingly. He raised his head, retreating from their kiss moments later, brushing his lips against Takanori’s gingerly, before he seized his chin yet again, and pulled it down with his thumb to make Takanori open his jaw. He gasped as Yuu shoved his tongue into his mouth to deepen their kiss, conveying his passion meanwhile he still remained as maddeningly slow in the way he kissed him.

Trying to pull his hands down by instinct, Takanori groaned into the kiss as his wrists didn’t move an inch, and he sighed in frustration at his inability to lower his hands and bury his fingers in Yuu’s hair. To maybe tug at his strands again to demand a rougher treatment like he did so often.

He surrendered when Yuu started to kiss his neck again, sucking and biting at the soft skin, and causing him to moan contently. His fingers started to wander upwards on his thighs, and slid beneath his skirt, where they were met with another pair of fishnet tights. Seemingly unbothered by the additional obstacle between his fingertips and Takanori’s bare skin, Yuu started to make his way down his upper body again, but this time his lips didn’t halt at his chest, and instead he worked his way across Takanori’s stomach, making him shiver at the caressing touches of his lips. If only he was able to move his hands. If only he was able to touch Yuu’s chest, his back, anything really.

Yuu pulled off his skirt in a swift movement, then sank the tip of his tongue in the holes of his tights, steadily wandering downwards until he had reached the brim of his boot. He straightened up a bit, and slowly started to pull off his left boot, his eyes locked on Takanori’s leg the entire time. “Your legs are so fucking gorgeous,” he breathed, then bent down to distribute kisses on top of his tights while he explored every inch of his leg with his greedy fingers.

Realizing how his legs were currently his only weapon, Takanori lifted the knee of his right leg, and grinded it against Yuu’s crotch, which caused him to moan loudly. At the sound of Yuu’s moan, Takanori’s cock pulsated longingly, and he pulled his knee in the direction of his upper body, rubbing his shin against Yuu’s cock.

“You’re a little devil,” Yuu moaned, jerking his hips forward to grind his own cock against Takanori’s leg once more.

“You’re not much better yourself,” he retorted, demonstratively tugging at the constriction around his wrists.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Yuu whispered, before seizing his calf, and trapping his leg beneath his full body weight as he sat down on the mattress. Even though Takanori could still feel his erection, he couldn’t move his leg anymore. Frustrated, he lay still as Yuu removed his other boot, closely followed by the tights. At least he didn’t tear them to shreds this time around.

Yuu took turns in kissing and biting his legs, taking his sweet time in worshipping them as he sucked at the skin, drawing mark after mark on the pale skin. Takanori didn’t really mind, on the contrary, it riled him up as well to have Yuu treat his legs with such delicacy. He moaned as a pleasant pain shot through his thigh as Yuu dragged his nail across his flesh, before soothing the burning with his tongue. He repeated the whole process, thereby moving closer to Takanori’s inner thigh, causing an unbearable prickling where first his nail and then his tongue touched him. He moaned loudly as Yuu did the same to his other thigh, only this time he made sure to lick his way up Takanori’s sensitive inner thigh in a maddeningly slow manner.

Gasping, he turned his head to the side as Yuu bit down on his thigh, before sucking on the skin yet again, leaving yet another mark that would make him blush in the morning. He couldn’t deny how good seeing those marks made him feel at the same time, though; they filled him with a weird feeling of pride. A feeling of being desired, a feeling of being worshipped.

Releasing his skin after he had put another mark on his thigh, Yuu slowly pulled off his boxers, and Takanori panted as he felt his fingers wrap around the shaft of his cock. “May I?” Yuu whispered, and for a moment, Takanori didn’t know what he was even on about, still too distracted with the sensation of Yuu’s lips all over his legs; he still felt each and every spot he had marked pulsate as a yearning echo. Then, it dawned on him, and his cock throbbed painfully at the recollection of last time. Of how good it had made him feel.

“Yes.”

He moaned as Yuu kissed the tip of his cock, before he took it into his mouth without any hesitation. He circled his tongue around the head, then ran his tongue as far down Takanori’s length as he could manage without taking his cock out of his mouth. Takanori moaned again as he scraped across the sensitive skin with his teeth, before he gave him a first suck.

Slowly at first, Yuu began to suck him off in a steady rhythm, bobbing his head up and down as he did so. In addition to the sheer amount of pleasure his mouth brought Takanori, he soon felt his hand squeeze and pump the shaft of his cock, coaxing moan after moan from his throat meanwhile his head began to spin. He tilted his head up and down, repeatedly trying to catch a glimpse of either Yuu’s dark hair or his tied up wrists, whereas Yuu steadily increased the pace in which he moved his head, running his lips and tongue alongside Takanori’s cock, reducing him to a moaning mess as he sucked him off. _“Fuck!”_ he moaned, the pleasure and the frustration tearing him apart from the inside. Writhing at the pleasure, he tugged at his restraints with as much force as he could conjure up, trying to rid himself of the constricting tie. Reality was burned away from his mind, leaving nothing behind but the overwhelming sensation of Yuu’s lips, his tongue, his teeth, his fingers, all tending to his hard cock, all causing him to utter moan after moan, to fill him to the brim with pure bliss until he was about to combust. If only he could use his hands to grip at anything, to take ahold of the sheets, or maybe Yuu’s hair in order to ground himself. Instead, he desperately kept tugging at his restraints, and his hips jerked forward repeatedly as the pressure in his cock became unbearable. “ _FUCK!”_ His back arched as Yuu ran his tongue along his full length once more before he licked the pre-cum from the tip of his cock.

Then, only moments before he was about to cum, Yuu stopped.

Without so much as a warning, he retreated, and Takanori whimpered at the lack of tight hotness engulfing his pulsating erection. Breathlessly, he watched Yuu through half-closed eyes as he stripped out of his own pants, and Takanori moaned again as he took in the sight of Yuu’s equally hard cock. Every muscle in his body tensed at the view, the desire to have Yuu fill him up raged through his body like a fire that had spun out of control, devouring everything in its way. He wanted Yuu so much it drove him crazy.

However, Yuu didn’t adhere to his wish. He did place himself between Takanori’s legs, but instead of entering him, he towered over him, thereby pressing their cocks together, grinding his own erection against Takanori’s repeatedly. Moaning uncontrollably, Takanori tried to match Yuu’s rhythm with his own hips while simultaneously trying to hold off his orgasm for a bit longer.

He failed miserably as Yuu started to pleasure his nipples again with his tongue, having him writhe underneath at the unbearable amount of pleasure he was being subjected to. Accompanied by another round of moans, Takanori shifted despairingly beneath Yuu, both trying to evade his torturous play as well as take in as much of it as he could. In another foolish attempt, he yanked at the tie again, hissing as it wouldn’t budge an inch, meanwhile the pressure in his cock became too much to bear as Yuu grinded his own hard cock against his relentlessly.

Yuu pressed his lips against his ear, and Takanori shuddered as he felt the touch of his warm breath against his skin. “Cum for me,” he whispered, rocking his hips forward to rub his cock against Takanori’s as intensely as possible. His words shot through his veins like electricity. Not being able to hold back anymore, Takanori came hard between their stomachs, feeling his cheeks burn hotly as he panted heavily; partly from the heat of the moment, but partly from shame that he hadn’t managed to hold off his release for longer.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Yuu moaned against his skin, washing away Takanori’s shame almost immediately, as he came to a halt atop of him.

He remained still for a while, only going back to kissing Takanori’s neck sloppily in order to give him some time to recharge, as well as – so Takanori assumed – postpone his own orgasm. _Fucking bastard._ If his hands were free, then he would have slapped Yuu. Or maybe worked his big cock to return the favor. Alas, Yuu still didn’t make a move to release him, so he was stuck with trying to catch his breath while his orgasm flowed through every inch of his body.

When his breathing had evened out a bit, Yuu got up from the bed, and switched on the nightstand lamp, blinding Takanori with the unexpected source of light. He blinked to clear his vision of the bright dots before his eyes, and wanted to snap at him for his insensitivity. However, confusion took over his anger as he spotted Yuu cowering over his suitcase. When he had found what he had looked for, he stood and turned around, and Takanori got a full view of him in all his God-given perfection. Thirstily, he took in the sight of Yuu’s naked body, his eyes halting at the remarkable erection, and the burning in his body resumed, as though the fire had only smoldered for a while, until it had been given new sustenance to feed upon. His gaze ultimately fell to Yuu’s hand, and an excited pulsation went through his cock, bringing it back to life as he saw the bottle of lube.

With a confident smirk, Yuu trotted over to the bed, placing himself between Takanori’s legs again. “My, my. Look how insatiable you are.”

“Hurry up and get to the part where you fuck me instead of talk shit,” Takanori grunted, opening his legs as widely as possible. Yuu’s eyes darkened with lust at the sight, and instead of arguing with him like he tended to do, he slacked up his fingers, dropping the bottle onto the mattress next to him.

To his own aggravation, Takanori was unable to hold in the moan as the first finger penetrated him, and he moved against Yuu’s finger eagerly. He was demanding the next finger only a few thrusts later. “You’re such a slut,” Yuu moaned as Takanori started to fuck himself on his fingers, and he might have taken it as an insult, had he not caught Yuu palming his own cock at the sight.

Thinking of how to best manipulate Yuu into speeding things up a bit (he was _really_ itching to get fucked by him), Takanori uttered a deliberate moan. “For your big cock? Always.” He truly hoped that stroking Yuu’s ego would help things along. He didn’t have many options considering how he truly couldn’t stroke his cock in the position he was currently in.

It worked.

Takanori moaned again, this time instinctively, as he felt Yuu add his third finger, and his cock started to throb relentlessly as he prepared him for what he so desperately desired. He winced as Yuu’s fingertips brushed against his prostate ever so faintly, and once again, he tugged at his restraints in a futile attempt to break free.

Noticing his struggles, Yuu took mercy on him, retreated his fingers, and started to slick up his cock. Not without that damned smirk of superiority that Takanori would have loved to wipe off his face. Maybe by giving his all while deep-throating Yuu and giving him the orgasm of his life. Sadly, his plan of petty revenge had to take a backseat due to his restricted situation.

He forgot all about his plans, anyhow, when Yuu pushed inside of him, and Takanori gasped as his cock filled him up.

As Yuu started moving, Takanori began to understand what he had meant when he had said that he would make him see just how badly he wanted him. How badly he needed him. A few thrusts in, and Takanori had been reduced to nothing but moans yet again, which got joined by occasional screams of pleasure. Or screams of frustration as Yuu began to pull the same crap with him he had the last time he had worn those over-knee boots. Reducing his pace, he began to move torturously slow inside of him, causing Takanori to curse in frustration. However, all he could do about it was try and increase the pace by moving his hips against Yuu’s in a faster manner in hopes that it would seduce him into matching his rhythm.

Unfortunately, Yuu had no intentions of giving up even an ounce of control, and he gripped Takanori’s hips firmly. He kept them in place with more force than he had expected, while he continued to slow-fuck him on the king-sized bed.

“I… hgnnn… fucking… hate… you… bastard!!” Takanori moaned, feeling the painful throbbing in his cock that only served to further drive him insane.

“Now, now, that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Yuu retorted, then he dug his fingers into the flesh of Takanori’s hipbones, pulled out completely, only to slide back in with full force. Takanori screamed as he penetrated his most sensitive spot, and even though he wanted to insult Yuu further, all he was able to do was moan repeatedly as he fell into a quicker pace for a while. Writhing underneath him, Takanori tried to wrap his legs around Yuu’s waist, however, somehow that bastard managed to keep his legs spread like that of a literal whore, refusing him each and every ounce of skin contact that wasn’t his cock thrusting into him repeatedly, or his hands holding him down firmly.

When Takanori thought he couldn’t take much more, Yuu slowed down again, as though he had been able to read his mind. An embarrassing whimper left his lips as the desire to touch him, to hold onto him, to cling to him, almost tore him apart. He had never been aware of how much he needed it, of how much he wanted to touch Yuu, feel him shiver and writhe underneath his own touch. Feel his skin that was just as heated and sweaty as his own. This unexpected need, this unexpected craving, tore through him like a hurricane, rendering his thoughts immobile, trapping them in a steady circle that demanded – begged him – to finally touch Yuu. To stop playing games, and let him touch Yuu. With every thrust Yuu took, with every moan each of them uttered, Takanori grew more desperate.

The need to touch Yuu grew simply unbearable.

He tugged at his restraints, then wriggled his wrists in an attempt to slide out of the tie instead of removing his hands from it by force. It didn’t work yet again, and what was even worse was that Yuu took notice of his attempts to free himself. He grabbed the tie and readjusted the tightness. With a triumphant smirk, he halted in his thrusts, grabbed Takanori’s chin and shoved his tongue into his mouth, cutting off his breath with a demanding, passionate kiss.

“Don’t even think about trying to do this again,” he whispered against his lips as he gave Takanori time to breathe. “I told you I’d make you beg for it.” With that, he released his chin and seized his hips again, resuming his thrusts, but slowing down his pace yet again.

“Fuck you!” Takanori stubbornly managed to press out between two moans, constricting his muscles around Yuu’s cock, and feeling a momentarily boost of triumph as Yuu was finally the one to groan in pleasure. However, he swallowed hard when he saw the dark glint in his eyes, and his heart threatened to jump out of his chest when Yuu lifted his pelvis off the mattress, pulled out of him almost completely, only to bury his full length in him again. His back arched once more, and with a moan, he stemmed his weight against the headboard he was tied to, his eyes falling shut as Yuu repeated the whole process. This time, he hit his sweet spot dead-on, which coaxed yet another scream of pleasure from him. Again, he pulled out. Again he pushed back in. Again he pulled out, again he pushed in. Steadily, he increased the speed and force of every thrust, aiming perfectly at the spot that brought Takanori the highest amount of pleasure.

The burning desire was tearing him apart from the inside. He was about to come undone, felt himself falling to pieces beneath Yuu, felt himself falling fast and hard, unable to grasp at anything to break the fall. “Please,” he whispered, his voice husky from the moans. “Please, I can’t take it anymore. I need to touch you. _Please!_ ” The last word got turned into a moan as Yuu’s cock penetrated him once more. Before he knew what he was doing, he was begging for it, was begging Yuu to release him from this torture, this agonizing torment of not being able to touch him. To be this powerless. To fall without anything to hold onto.

Even though he was currently unable to touch Yuu himself, still, all he could feel was Yuu. All he could smell was Yuu. All he could think about was Yuu. _Yuu, Yuu, Yuu._ Gone was everything else, gone was every stressful thought, every painful memory of Akira ( _Akira who?_ ). For the moment being, even his broken heart was gone, as his thoughts started to spin out of control, and his whole being seemed to revolve around Yuu. Every trace of Akira disappeared, every imprint he had left on him vanished as he took Yuu in, as he accepted him into his mind and soul.

_“Please, I’m begging you!”_

And then – finally – he felt the pressure around his wrists loosen, until it disappeared altogether, and he gasped in relief as he attempted to lower his arms – and it worked. Not wanting to risk getting restrained again, no matter how alluring it was, his fingers greedily started to roam every inch of Yuu’s skin he could grasp. His nails trailed thin lines of pleasurable pain across his chest, his arms, his shoulders, his back – where they dug into his shoulder blades, clinging to dear life as Yuu increased his pace for the last time, lowering his pelvis back onto the mattress. Spurred on by Takanori’s greedy touches, he thrust into him forcefully, causing Takanori, who had buried his face in the nape of his neck, to moan against Yuu’s skin. After what seemed like forever, they fell into the same rhythm, their movements finally matching up to each other. It felt as though Takanori had spent the last few minutes chasing after Yuu, unable to catch up to him.

Until now.

He felt his orgasm roll over him, sending waves of pure bliss throughout his whole body. He shivered as he felt Yuu release himself inside of him at the same time with a deep moan, breathing heavily as he slumped down on top of Takanori.

Catching their breath while relishing in their shared bliss, they remained completely still, bodies entangled.

When he had regained some of his stamina, Yuu rolled off of Takanori, lying down next to him. “See? I told you I’d make you beg for it,” he mumbled smugly, though his expression was that of a deeply satisfied man, and not someone who wallowed in his triumph.

“Tch.” Straightening up, Takanori pulled the big blanket over both of their sweaty bodies. His petty revenge schemes reentered his mind, and he swallowed the quick-witted reply on the tip of his tongue. Oh he knew how to make him beg for it just the same.

Looking up at Yuu, who was comfortably snuggled into his pillows, Takanori’s features softened. It truly was impossible for him to stay mad at him for all too long. He reached over to the nightstand, his body aching at the extortion he submitted it to so quickly after being fucked like he had never been fucked before. Ignoring his sore body (which would probably still be sore in the morning), he switched off the lamp, and dropped back onto the mattress. However, apparently, in his body there were still residues of their escapades, and the lack of contact he had gotten during their heated round of sex. With Yuu not touching him anymore, with Yuu not being close anymore, he felt weirdly empty.

Lonely, even.

Biting down on his lower lip, he pulled the blanket up to his chin, shifted around to find the most comfortable position. He sighed in defeat as the feeling of cold loneliness didn’t disappear, and threatened to clutch at his heart instead. This was truly not the way he wanted tonight to end. “Do you mind?” he asked hesitantly, not really believing his own intentions.

“Hm?” Yuu murmured, already half asleep by the sound of it. “’f course not,” he muttered, not even knowing what Takanori was talking about.

Which might have been one of the things Takanori so greatly appreciated about him. Yuu rarely ever made a big deal out of things, he was usually very uncomplicated, plus, he was always there for Takanori when he needed him to be. Swallowing down the last of his doubts, Takanori moved over to him, holding his breath as he placed his head on Yuu’s shoulder, and snuggled up to him as closely as he could manage.

_Much better._

He heard Yuu gasp in surprise, and felt him stiffen beneath him, which made him doubt his decision once more; however, before he could think about retreating to his side of the bed again, Yuu wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him even closer, and buried his face in Takanori’s hair. He exhaled with a content hum, and Takanori felt his stomach flutter yet again. “Thank you,” he whispered into the silence as the loneliness evaporated into thin air.

“For what?”

Takanori turned his head, and pressed his lips against Yuu’s naked shoulder ever so gently.

“For making me forget.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [» click for surprise «](https://twitter.com/dogmaticdeux/status/1049373080781508609)
> 
> So, as some of you might know I made some moodboards for this fic ages ago hahaha. And it was time to share this one bc it's based on this chapter hehe~
> 
> Also, I hope you guys enjoyed the smut bc it was the last one for a while hahaha >:) (Don't worry though, we're not at the angst yet lol)


	24. Chapter 24

Yuu loved to sleep.

He especially loved to sleep after a night which had ended with a nice round of sex. And he loved it even more to sleep in the next day. What he didn’t love, on the other hand, was when someone had the audacity to disrupt his nice, relaxing sleep.

_Bang. Bang._

“Ugh,” he grunted, squeezed his eyes shut tight, and snuggled closer to the warm body his arm was wrapped around. He felt the other body shift against his, the other’s back pressing against his groin as he did so. Scooping even closer, Yuu buried his face in Takanori’s messy hair, breathing in his warm scent that reminded him of cinnamon. Had he always smelled this good?

Of course he had.

_Bang._ Another obnoxiously loud knock at the door of the hotel room, another grunt from Yuu.

“Make it stop,” Takanori groaned drowsy as he pulled the blanket up over his exposed shoulder, covering Yuu’s arm in the process. At least he didn’t complain about Yuu spooning him.

Though the thought of getting out of bed to tell that nuisance at the door to fuck off greatly annoyed Yuu. “You make it stop,” he retorted. He suppressed a yawn, too tired to feel his usual panic arise; things would have looked entirely different in Tokyo. In Tokyo, Yuu wouldn’t have snuggled up to Takanori ever so tightly while someone knocked at the door. In Tokyo, he might not have even been allowed to hold him like this in the first place. He wasn’t the only one who seemed more relaxed during their short stay in Nagoya, and the feeling of regret flooded him at the thought that they had to leave again in the evening. If only they were able to stay in this city forever. In this room. In this bed.

_Bang. Bang._

He gasped as he felt an elbow dug into his rips. “Make them stop,” Takanori hissed, though the sleepy state he was in greatly diminished the bite of his words. Not so much the stab of his elbow, however, which Yuu felt painfully clear in his side.

“It’s your room, you make them stop. Who knows what kind of shady characters you invited up to your room.”

A dry laugh was the response. “You mean besides a stubborn moron like you?” he teased Yuu, the grin clearly audible in his voice. “It’s probably just one of the cleaners. Just get rid of them, tell them to come back later or something. And maybe I’ll let you spoon me some more.”

“Don’t call me moron,” Yuu sulked, but before he actually knew what he was doing, he gave in to Takanori’s attempted bribery, rising from the mattress with a discontent yawn. Sometimes he hated how much control Takanori had over him – this surely wasn’t healthy – who had him at his beck and call with the simple, small promise of getting to hold him some more.

_You’re so pathetic,_ Yuu thought to himself as he slipped into his pants and shirt, casting a quick glance at Takanori, who snuggled into his pillow, eyes closed contently, his breath evening out again already. Yuu’s features softened at the peaceful face he was making, and he got overwhelmed by a feeling of warmth. If only he were able to wake up to this beautiful face every morning. Sure, he got to see Takanori almost every day, and nine out of ten times they spent the night together and stayed at each other’s place until morning. Still, Yuu would have given anything to turn _almost_ into _always,_ to make a ten out of that nine.

Feeling a bit somber at the thought that this would never happen, he strode through the living room, where he stepped over their carelessly discarded jackets and approached the door meanwhile he buttoned up his shirt.

“Sorry for taking so long!” he blurted out with an apologetic smile as he opened the door.

“Yuu? What are you doing here?”

His smile froze, and his eyes widened in shock. The person at the door wasn’t of the cleaning staff at all.

_Oh crap. Oh shit. Oh God, no!_

“I, uhm… I-“ His fingers cramped around the door handle, and he felt like bashing the door against his head repeatedly. “What are you doing here, President Matsumoto?!”

Hiroto Matsumoto looked at him as though he was the one owing him an explanation, not the other way around. And technically, he wasn’t wrong. However, words failed Yuu completely as panic seeped through his whole body. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Why had Takanori’s father shown up here at the door of his hotel room, in a city 220 miles away from Tokyo? How could this have happened?

“This is Takanori’s room, isn’t it?” Hiroto ascertained with a look at a small paper in his hand, then at the hotel room number on the door (which was also golden, just like the carpet in the hallway), before his gaze returned to Yuu.

Part of Yuu wanted to deny it. Part of him wanted to slam the door in the President’s face, and never open it again. Better yet, never leave this hotel room again. He was beyond screwed. “I, uhm…” he stammered, unable to form a cohesive sentence. _Fuck!_

Frowning, Takanori’s father scrutinized him. Frozen in place, Yuu watched helplessly as he shook his head, and pushed past him to enter the hotel room. Feeling as though he was moving in slow motion, Yuu turned around, watching as Hiroto Matsumoto took three steps into the room, before he came to an abrupt halt. His head turned as he looked around the room to take in their scattered clothes. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!_

He was so royally screwed.

And not in a good way.

“What is going on here?” he wanted to know, turning around to face Yuu, who pressed his lips together in shame as he silently closed the door behind him, feeling like a goddamn traitor. “Where is my son?”

_This isn’t what it looks like!_ he wanted to shout, but no sound left his lips. Which was probably for the best, considering how much he owed Takanori’s father. A blatant lie like this wouldn’t have helped anyone.

“Dad? What the hell are you doing here?” Takanori sounded as dumbfounded as Yuu felt, though he acted a tad more confident. Though Yuu saw the same shock reflected in his beautiful eyes that wandered from his father in the middle of the room to Yuu, who cowered near the door like a damn coward. The inherent relief Yuu felt at his intervention disappeared within the blink of an eye as he took in Takanori’s state. He was wearing nothing but a plain shirt and some boxers; barely enough to cover even a fraction of the discriminating evidence of their nocturnal deeds. Yuu swallowed thickly as his eyes wandered over Takanori’s legs. This time, it wasn’t arousal that filled him at the sight of his bare legs – it was even more panic. The purple love bites were all too plainly visible, joined by the red lines his fingernails had left all over his thighs last night. He could even spot a faint red line around Takanori’s wrists from the little bit of bondage he had subjected him to. What had seemed like an alluring fantasy made reality last night now felt like the dumbest idea of the century, and he silently chided himself in his mind.

“What happened to you?” the President addressed Takanori, the upset tone of his voice cutting into Yuu’s heart like a knife.

Takanori followed his father’s look down his legs, and he sighed in defeat. “Nothing, dad. I’m fine,” he assured him, treading from one foot to the other. Thereby, he rubbed his legs together as though he could rinse them of the dark markings that way.

“This doesn’t look like nothing!”

Takanori exchanged a quick glance with Yuu.

Registering their exchange of looks, Takanori’s father took in the room once more. Stared at Takanori’s marked legs again, before his eyes scrutinized their scattered clothes as though they were going to tell him the truth. Then, his gaze returned to Yuu, taking notice of his sloppily buttoned shirt, his bare feet and his unkempt hair. A fire burned in his eyes as he looked directly at Yuu, a fire he hadn’t seen on Hiroto Matsumoto before, but that he recognized all too well from Takanori.

Biting down on his lower lip, Yuu lowered his head in shame. “I… I think it’s best if I leave,” he whispered, and he had to hold his breath in order to muster up the courage to step further away from the door to pick up his jacket and shoes. Without looking at either of the Matsumotos again, he quickly fled the room.

He only resumed breathing as soon as the door of his own hotel room fell shut behind him, trapping him in quiet solitude with nothing but his deafening thoughts and his paralyzing anxiety.

What on earth had he done?

 

 

“You still haven’t told me what you’re doing here,” Takanori murmured, pouring milk into his coffee and stirring the hot drink with a spoon. He licked it clean, before he finally found the courage to look up to his dad.

His father’s expression was unreadable, a blank mask that kept Takanori from picking up the slightest hint of an idea of what was brewing inside his head. Awkwardly, he had stood in his hotel room after Yuu had left, both had kept silent for a while until Takanori had finally gathered up his confidence again, asking his father to wait for a bit while he took a quick shower, and dressed himself in something a bit more appropriate.

Even on their way down to the hotel cafeteria, his father had remained silent.

“Does that really matter now?” his father hissed, visibly upset. “You’re the one who should be telling _me_ what the hell you’re doing here!”

Takanori flinched. He rarely ever witnessed his father upset like this; the last time had been when he had found out about Akira cheating on Takanori. “It’s nothing, really,” he tried to reassure him once more.

“How is this nothing? Taka, you know your mother and I, we worry constantly about you. Especially after what happened with… you know who. God knows how worried we’ve been. It’s never easy raising a child, but seeing your son all heartbroken and sad like we did… It hurt us a lot as well,” his father explained, his expressionless face breaking into one of pain. Takanori’s chest tightened at his father’s words. He knew that his parents always worried about him. Knew that seeing him in so much pain hurt them just as much.

“And I truly thought we had a good relationship. You know, that you could tell us anything. But then you go behind our backs like that? We didn’t even know you were dating again, let alone that you were dating Yuu Shiroyama!” His fist punched the table top, and he shook his head in frustration.

Takanori’s eyes widened; more so over his father’s words than his little outburst. “Woah, wait!” he exclaimed. “I’m not dating Yuu.” He closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm his upset nerves. Yuu’s panic had been so clearly visible, just thinking about it threatened to break Takanori’s heart. However, sympathy wasn’t the only thing roaming around within him; he also felt extremely guilty. If only he had opened the door himself. If only he hadn’t been so goddamn lazy and stubborn, then maybe this mess could have been prevented somehow.

“I don’t understand?” his father retorted, studying Takanori’s face meticulously for any tells that might have given his words away as a lie.

He nipped on his coffee, then sighed in defeat. He had known from the very first glance his father had cast his way up in the hotel room that he wouldn’t get around some sort of explanation. His father tended to get lost in his own thoughts, but that didn’t mean he was oblivious to everything else. “Yuu and I… were not dating. We never were. We’re not,” he puffed his cheeks, searching for the right words to explain their situation without upsetting his father even further, “we’re not serious. We just like to keep each other company, you see? We, uhm… well, it’s just sex.” He cringed at his own words. He wished there was a better way of putting it; however, there was no use to sugarcoat the truth.

Doubtful, his father continued to look at him. “Are you sure? I mean… he’s the son of the man who owns the firm we’re considering merging with! Any sort of… relationship should be considered a serious one, don’t you think?”

Takanori bit down on his lower lip. “I know, dad. I know this looks bad, but it’s no big deal, really. I know it’s not very professional, but it just sorta… happened. We’re both adults, though, we know what we’re doing. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, I just didn’t want you and mom to worry about me.”

His father exhaled loudly. “You know your mother. She’s gonna worry about you no matter what.”

“I know she does,” Takanori laughed mildly. “I’m just telling you there’s nothing to worry about. I know it, uhm… didn’t look that way upstairs, but… Yuu actually treats me very well. And he’s helping me through a lot. You know, with Aki.” He didn’t even realize how he had let his ex-boyfriend’s nickname slip, until his father looked at him with crooked brows. Takanori shrugged nonchalantly, feeling an empty hole in his chest at the thought of Akira. A hole only Yuu managed to somehow glue together over a longer period of time. “I need this,” he finally admitted quietly. “I know my choice in men wasn’t the best, but the damage is already done. At this point, it can’t get much worse.”

His father reached across the table, and grabbed his hand tightly. “I’m sorry, Taka. I know you’re dealing with a lot. You know I’m not judging you. God knows I’ve been young once as well. We all have our needs, and our ways to deal. I just wish you had told us.” He gave his hand an affirmative squeeze. “You know you can tell us anything, don’t you?”

“I know that. I’m sorry I kept this from you and mom. It wasn’t entirely my choice.” Takanori felt the same pang of guilt flare up inside of his stomach again. He felt unwell dragging Yuu further into this, though he knew it was necessary to keep his promise to him as intact as possible. “You know, uhm… The thing about Yuu is… His family doesn’t know.”

His father looked up from their joined hands in surprise. “You mean… that he’s gay?”

Takanori nodded slowly. “Actually, nobody knows. Expect for Kou and you. He, well, he struggled a lot when I first met him, and I know he’s still struggling. He’s scared that anyone will find out. Just like I once was. And that’s why he asked me to keep it a secret. And I thought there’s no harm in that, right?” He shrugged again. “But please don’t be mad at him because of that. Or of anything else. If anything, you should be mad at me. I’m kinda the one who pushed him into this, and, uhm… convinced him of our… little arrangement.” Surely, he didn’t have to explain to his father how sex with no strings attached worked. His parents might have been very conservative-loving in some aspects of their life, however, things like sexuality or traditional relationships surely weren’t part of it. They were above averagely tolerant in that context.

Glaring at him for a second, his father shook his head in disbelief. “I’m not mad at you. Or him. Like you said, you’re both adults. And I trust that you know what you’re doing. You know neither your mother nor I would ever tell you how to live your life. All we want for you is to be happy, and to look out for yourself.” He paused, looking Takanori over silently. “Not for nothing, but that you’re not only looking out for yourself but for others as well just shows what a good job we did in raising a decent young man, don’t you think?” He winked at Takanori, then retreated his hand to take a sip of his own coffee.

“I think you guys did alright,” Takanori grinned, earning a playfully indignant look from his father. Then, his face got serious again. “I know there’s no way in hell you’re gonna keep this from mom, and I really don’t want to ask you to. I just…”

“You’d like us to keep it to ourselves.”

“Yeah. I know you owe Yuu nothing, but he’s done a lot for me, and that’s the least I could do to return the favor.”

His father grabbed his hand again. “Taka, didn’t we just talk about a good upbringing?” he asked, and Takanori frowned in confusion. “Just because he doesn’t owe us doesn’t mean we can’t honor his wishes, now does it? It’s not always about returning the favor, Taka. Sometimes we just do things because we want to do them, not because we expect something in return. I have a feeling that Yuu probably feels the same way.” He squeezed his hand one more time, thereby looking up with a smile.

Takanori followed his gaze, spotting Yuu, who was aimlessly wandering around the cafeteria, balancing a tray of food as he looked for an empty table to sit at and consume his breakfast in solitude. Speechlessly, Takanori watched as his father waved Yuu over to their table, who, sneaking like a convicted criminal, approached their table slowly. “Why don’t you come sit with us?” his father greeted Yuu as he had reached the table, pointing at the empty chair next to Takanori.

“Uh, are you sure that’s alright?” Yuu mumbled sheepishly, glancing at Takanori briefly before he returned his gaze to his father. As though he was a teenager again who had just met his girlfriend’s father for the first time and was now asking his permission to officially date her.

“Positive,” his father reassured him. “Come, come, we don’t want your coffee to get cold, now do we?”

Still hesitantly, Yuu put his tray down, slowly unloading the goods he had snatched up at the breakfast buffet. He moved so cautiously it gave Takanori the impression that he was scared of spilling anything and upsetting his father. The corner of his mouth twitched in amusement as he thought about how nicely he would tease Yuu about this afterwards. Who knew the man who was cunning enough to tie him to the headboard and fuck his mind into oblivion would become as tame as a beaten dog upon meeting his dad officially? To stay with the girlfriend metaphor.

“It’s alright, I don’t bite,” his father laughed amicably. “Taka explained the situation to me. If anything, I should thank you for taking care of my boy, shouldn’t I?”

Yuu’s eyes widened and he stared at Takanori’s father in utter disbelief. “I, uhm… don’t mention it. I mean… uhm… of course. He only deserves the best.” Even though the last part was merely a whisper, both Takanori and his father were able to hear it.

Blushing deeply, Takanori stared into his coffee, kicking Yuu against the shin beneath the table. “Stop kissing my dad’s ass,” he murmured embarrassedly, cheeks feeling as though they were on fire.

His father, on the other hand, uttered a vibrating laughter. “That’s what I like to hear!” He smiled at Yuu brightly.

“I’m not kissing anyone’s ass, I’m just telling the truth.” Yuu blushed just as vividly as Takanori, chuckled embarrassedly, and rubbed his neck in that _goddamn_ endearing manner. And while looking at Yuu and his reddened cheeks, realization dawned on him. His father was right. All these things Yuu did for him, he had never asked for anything in return. For some unknown reason Takanori couldn’t fully grasp, Yuu continued to put up with all of his shit. Continued to be by his side through it all, not once asking for any favors as some sort of repayment. There were no favors he wanted in return, nothing he expected Takanori to do. Sure, he had asked him to keep their arrangement-slash-relationship between the two of them, but Takanori didn’t think of it as something worth mulling over.

To him, it went without saying.

And maybe just like that, for Yuu, too, it went without saying. To take care of him. To console him. To be there for him. To make sure he got nothing short of the best.

 

* * *

  
“So, let me get this straight. Your client that we dealt with yesterday, uh, what was his name again?” Yuu snapped his fingers as though that could help him kick start his brain and make him remember the name better.

“Masaru Ono,” Takanori intervened.

“Masaru Ono, right. So Masaru Ono acted like everything was peachy with the way we left things off. And then he called your father behind your back and asked him to _personally_ come to Nagoya to talk things over with him because he doesn’t trust your judgement?”

Takanori nodded, eyeing Yuu’s cup of ice cream enviously.

Yuu snorted. “What a prick.” He truly couldn’t understand hypocrites like that. If Ono hadn’t been satisfied with their solution, then why hadn’t he just said so? Why had he instead gone behind Takanori’s back and ordered his father there the very next day? He didn’t understand at all. This way, he had not only caused a great inconvenience for all parties, but a great deal of embarrassment for Takanori and him as well. Though being caught by Hiroto had went much better than he had dreaded, it still left him with a hint of anxiety. However, he was glad that he had agreed to keep their relationship a secret, and that he hadn’t kicked Yuu out of his firm in the blink of an eye.

He had been more than relieved when Takanori had told him as much, and he would forever be indebted to his father for it.

He dug his plastic spoon into his ice cream, and shoved a big portion of chocolate cream into his mouth. Licking the spoon, he registered Takanori’s longing look. Not too long ago, they had halted at a coffee shop which had also sold ice cream. Yuu had been unable to suppress his urges, and had bought himself a big cup with three different scoops of ice cream. Takanori, on the other hand, had declined and whined about how the autumn wind was far too cold to enjoy some ice cream, and had gone with a cup of cappuccino instead, which he had usurped within minutes. Now, he looked as though his mouth was watering at the sight.

“You want some?” Yuu asked, holding the cup and the spoon out to Takanori.

Sighing in relief, he nodded, before eagerly taking both, smiling like a happy little boy in the process.

Yuu’s heart fluttered. “Stay clear of the pink one though, it’s strawberry.”

He watched Takanori’s eyes grow wide in surprise. “You remember my dislike of strawberries?” he asked incredulously.

Leaning over the handrail, Yuu stared out onto the small lake in the middle of the park they had ventured through on their little sight-seeing tour of Nagoya. The water lay calm and crystal clear before them, reminding him of the sea. Oh, how Yuu missed the sea. As a child, back when they had still spent many summers in Mie, the ocean and he had been inseparable. As he grew older, however, time grew sparse, and he hadn’t spent as much time at the sea as he would have liked to anymore. “Of course I remember. How could I forget about your strawberry-induced childhood trauma?” he smirked.

Elbowing his side, Takanori huffed. “Don’t bask in other people’s misery, it’s very inappropriate.”

“I wasn’t the one who got too greedy and ate too many strawberries and now can’t stand the sight of them,” Yuu teased him further, reaching out to his cup of ice cream.

However, Takanori leaned away from him, trying to evade his hand, and keep the ice cream to himself. “You’re a fucking jerk, you know that? Be careful, or maybe one day I won’t be able to stand the sight of _you_ anymore!”

Gasping, Yuu pressed his hand over his left chest, acting as though he had been stabbed in the heart. “Your words cut deep,” he mocked, glossing over the small jab at his heart he felt upon Takanori’s words. The thought of him growing tired of him was scary. To say the least. Though Yuu couldn’t blame him if one day he did decide to find someone else. Someone less boring and troublesome.

“I might change my mind if you let me have the rest of that chocolate ice cream. And the vanilla one as well.”

“Huh?” Yuu’s jaw dropped. “Forget it!” he screamed indignantly. “That’s my ice cream. Get your own cup, asshole! Plus, if you eat my ice cream, then you’ll have to eat the strawberry one too.” Once more, he tried to reach for his cup. Once more, Takanori tried to evade his grasp. Gripping at his arm, Yuu tried to pull his hand that balanced the cup towards him, while Takanori lay his free hand on Yuu’s chest, shoving against it to try and push him away.

“Go away, that’s mine now!” he chuckled, putting his entire force in trying to keep Yuu away.

“Give it back to me, thief!”

“Don’t act like such a baby and just leave me be! Be a gentleman!”

“Huh? How about you be a gentleman for once?!”

They bickered and fought about the cup for a few more seconds, until the inevitable happened. Still trying to get ahold of his cup, Yuu yanked on Takanori’s arm, while Takanori leant backwards more and more, back pressed against the handrail, trying his hardest to keep the cup out of Yuu’s reach.

Suddenly, a strong wind flared up, tugged at Yuu’s long hair, and blew it into Takanori’s face. Taken completely by surprise as the long strands pierced his eye, Takanori loosened his grip on the cup.

_SPLASH!_

Combing his strands back with his fingers, Yuu stared at Takanori dumbfounded, who stared back just as perplex. He blinked a few times to stop his left eye from watering; it was beginning to turn red due to the unexpected assault of Yuu’s long hair. Then, both of their looks wandered to Takanori’s left hand.

Takanori’s empty left hand.

“Did you just drop my ice cream into the lake?” Yuu asked, voice dangerously calm, his face a blank mask.

“Uhm… whoops?”

“Well, you better get it back then.” Without a warning, Yuu seized Takanori’s hips, pretending to throw him over the handrail and into the lake.

Squirming in his grasp, Takanori tried to pry his hands from his hips. “No, stop it, Yuu! Please stop!” he laughed, trying to loosen his grip. “Yuu, I swear to God, please stop it!” Still laughing, he braced himself against the handrail of the small bridge they were standing on, tugging at Yuu’s wrists and pounding against his chest lightly in turns.

Yuu enjoyed teasing him far too much; Takanori’s laughter rang loudly in his ears, filling him with a feeling of unconditional happiness. His laughter was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. “Time to go swimming,” he said, trying to sound as unaffected as possible. “Say hi to the fish for me!”

“Yuu, please stop!” Takanori was panting by now, desperately gasping for air while his body was still shaken with laughter. “Please, I’ll get you another one, but please just stop!”

A triumphant smirk forming on his lips, Yuu stopped in his fake attempts to throw him off the bridge. Though the thought of ending Takanori’s laughter didn’t exactly sit well with him, he also didn’t want to push it too much, either. “That’s all I wanted to hear,” he said sweetly.

“That’s coercion!”

“I’d rather call it a strategy in negotiations.”

Takanori snorted indignantly on account of his triumph, pushing past him with a murmur. Grinning, Yuu followed him, Takanori’s words echoing in his head all the way to the next ice cream stand.

_You’re lucky I can’t seem to get enough of you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will probably be a bit sparse during December because I work a lot, and because of all the Christmas stress haha but we'll see how often I'll manage to upload. Either way, thank you all so much for your continued support, I love y'all T-T ♥


	25. Chapter 25

“Okay, spit it out!”

Kouyou looked up from his meal with a puzzled expression. “Huh?”

Takanori sighed, then motioned at his best friend with his chopsticks. “You have barely touched your meal, and you keep staring off into space. What’s going on in that smart head of yours?”

They had met at the cafeteria of the hospital Kouyou worked at for lunch, but all Kouyou had done so far was stare at his bowl, not eating a single thing while he was deep in thought. Even if he hadn’t been so awfully slim to begin with, Takanori would have been worried nevertheless. He knew that work stressed Kouyou out a lot, and he was truly relieved that his elective period was coming to a close. He barely had a few months left to go before he finally got some well-deserved semester break. However, this absent-minded behavior wasn’t like Kouyou at all – he was one to get distracted and stare off into space, but he was normally not one to make such a distraught face while doing so.

“It’s nothing,” Kouyou tried to play it down.

“Yeah, nice try, Doctor Who. Let’s just skip to the part where you tell me what’s bothering you, instead of trying to deny that there’s clearly something wrong. So, what is it? Is it work? Your studies? Is your family alright?” Takanori knew that he was getting pushy; however, he couldn’t stop the words from gushing out – it was simply his way of conveying worry.

Averting his gaze in shame, Kouyou adjusted his glasses. He put down his chopsticks, and tugged at his blue scrubs sheepishly. “Sorry,” he mouthed. “I didn’t want to worry you. It’s not about me, it’s… well,” he puffed out his cheeks and exhaled in frustration, “I know we’ve discussed this already, but I can’t help the guilt I’m feeling. I wish I had never introduced you to Akira.”

Feeling his stomach drop, Takanori froze. He slowly lowered his hand that had been halfway to his mouth with a piece of sushi, and studied Kouyou’s face silently. While he felt his own heart ache at the thought of Akira, he also felt the strong urge to jump across the table, tackle Kouyou and smother him in a round of tight hugs. He truly didn’t know how he had managed to find himself such a caring best friend. “You’re right, we have discussed it before. However,” he nudged Kouyou’s shin amicably with the tip of his foot to get him to look at him, “I’ll say it as many time as I have to. It’s not your fault. You could’ve never known that we were gonna fall in love. Or that he would turn out to be a cheating bastard, who was going to cheat on me with no less than three men.” He clutched the chopsticks tightly, as though feeling something real in his hand would help him stay grounded, and not fall into another pit of depression and self-pity.

Kouyou’s face contorted painfully at his words. “Yeah, I know. But still…”

Takanori sighed again. He deeply appreciated Kouyou’s remorse, however misplaced it was. He wasn’t the one to blame for anything. Akira was. Hell, Takanori was. He had been too blind to actually see the errors in their relationship. He had taken Akira for granted, had been too much a creature of habit to try and fix the things that weren’t going well – to even see them in the first place. No matter how much it hurt to admit, he had made mistakes. And they had cost him his relationship. But there was no going back from this now, all he could do was move forward.

“I know, Kou. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much these words mean to me. But it’s truly not on you to take the blame for this. You’re the last person who has done anything wrong. Plus,” he inhaled deeply to shake off these painful feelings, and managed to crack a faint smile, “Akira’s in the past now. And I intend to solely focus on the future from now on.” His smile strengthened as a certain lawyer crossed his mind for a split second. “As should you. So, how’s it going?” He nodded into the empty space of the cafeteria in reference to the hospital.

To his delight, Kouyou finally started eating. He focused on his meal for a minute, eyes narrowed behind his dark-framed glasses as he thought about his answer. “It’s fine. Work can be a bit stressing, and I’m really looking forward to getting back to university next semester, I’m not gonna lie. Though I think I’ll probably miss the practical work and the patients.” He looked around them, then leaned over the table, his voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “I’m not gonna miss the doctors, though, most of them are real douches. Not to say, arrogant pricks.”

Takanori kept quiet for about half a second, then he burst out laughing. “Oh my God, Shima!” he giggled, ignoring the questioning looks from the other personnel aimed at them. “I didn’t know you had such a foul mouth! My, my, what are they teaching you here?”

Kouyou pouted for a brief moment, then he chuckled as well. “Let’s just say I’ve woken up and smelled the coffee. I always thought arrogant surgeons were just a bad stereotype, but sadly they’re harsh reality.”

Takanori giggled again. Phrases like that sounded more like Kouyou, who always elected an unusual way of speaking; he knew how eloquent his best friend could be, and he admired his broad vocabulary. But at the same time, he was unable to hide his amusement from time to time. Kouyou was peculiar, and Takanori loved it. He loved him for it.

“This is nice, you know?”

Kouyou’s words yanked him out of his laughter, and Takanori looked at him quizzically. “What is?”

A warm smile formed on Kouyou’s lips. “Seeing you smile and laugh like this. Hearing you say thing like that.”

Not used to this kind of directness from his best friend, Takanori felt a blush creep up on his face. “I guess so,” he murmured. To him, it was simply high time he finally moved on from Akira, and started to live his life again. To smile again. To be happy again.

“This doesn’t by any chance have anything to do with a certain guy, slightly shorter than me, long, dark hair, who couldn’t take his eyes off of you if his life depended on it?”

Takanori’s blush deepened. “Huh? N-no, of course not, what are you even talking about?!”

“So Yuu and you, you’re still not dating? Officially, I mean?”

“W-why would we be dating?” Takanori’s heart race picked up, pumping more and more blood into his cheeks.

Kouyou grinned smugly; the look he gave Takanori made him shiver uncomfortably. He looked so… _knowing._ “Oh, I don’t know. I mean, I admit, I only met him once so far, but the way he looked at you back then… and from the way you talk about him, you know, I was wondering… With that little trip you guys took – I was wondering whether something might have transpired between the two of you. Something that might have changed things.”

Takanori reached for his glass to take a sip of water and wet his dried up throat, however, his hand was shaking so badly, he retreated again and dropped it into his lap instead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, his heart skipping a beat at the thought of Yuu and him dating. “He’s not looking at me in any way

_(I wish he was)_

and nothing _transpired_ between the two of us. What are you even implying? I’m… we’re not dating. I told you it’s just sex,

_(I wish it wasn’t)_

nothing more. And I’m not talking about him in any way. Why are you saying these things?”

Kouyou raised his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, Taka, I didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t know why I said these things. I just thought it sounded like he cares a lot about you. You know, from what you told me. I was just thinking that…” he trailed off, and shrugged helplessly.

“You were thinking?”

“I was thinking that he’s doing you good.”

“Oh, he is doing me good.” Takanori grinned slyly, wiggling his brows, desperately trying to steer the course of the topic in another direction.

Kouyou rolled his eyes. “That’s so not what I meant, and you know it.” The annoyance dropped from his face, and his expression grew serious again. “I meant you smiling. I know it’s not thanks to me that you seem… happier again. And I admit that I’ve been quite skeptical about him at first, but now I think that… I don’t know. You guys have seriously never considered giving it a try?”

Tugging at his lower lip with his teeth in embarrassment, Takanori cleared his throat. “No, we haven’t,” he objected, mind wandering off to their _work_ -date the other day, driving the redness into his cheeks once more. This wasn’t something he wanted to think about, much less talk about it. “Oi, wait a second! Weren’t you apologizing about introducing me to Akira just a minute ago? And now you’re trying to set me up with the next guy?!” he blurted out in disbelief.

Still, his treacherous heart kept racing at the thought of him and Yuu actually dating; doing all that normal couple-stuff, instead of simply fucking around all the time. Well, no that wasn’t true. They did do other stuff as well, lots of other stuff. But slapping a label like ‘relationship’ on it? He truly didn’t feel like taking such a drastic step. They were enjoying each other’s company, and having fun, and that was all he needed it to be.

_Or was it?_

“Right, yeah no, ugh, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m gonna shut up and eat now.” Kouyou shoved a portion of his noodles between his plush lips, and chewed on them deliberately as to not say anything else by accident.

Takanori huffed. He hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty again, and to feel guilty in return. “It’s fine. Seriously, though, the only thing that transpired on our trip was my dad finding out about us having sex.”

Kouyou’s eyes widened, and he coughed as he choked on his bite. “He what now?” he aspirated, taking a big sip of his drink to calm his agitated windpipe. “Why haven’t you told me about this yet?” he asked incredulously, strongly reminding Takanori of Yutaka with his blatant curiosity.

“I was going to,” Takanori fibbed. “Right before you started spouting that nonsense about me and Yuu dating.”

Waving his chopsticks through the air dismissively, Kouyou shot daggers at him, waiting for Takanori to start his tale.

“Looks like the nurses rub off on you. Since when do you love gossip this much?” Takanori laughed. “Speaking of nurses…” He grinned widely. “I’ll tell you all about my dad catching us almost in flagrante delicto a _fter_ you told me about that nurse of yours.” Kouyou had dropped a seemingly insignificant comment about how he had started to have lunch with one of the nurses on a regular basis, obviously not thinking too much of it. However, Takanori was like a bloodhound that had picked up the scent of its prey; he scented a downright delicious story.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Kouyou tried to deflect the topic, but the red in his cheeks gave him away. “She’s just some nurse I met a few weeks back.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Takanori shrugged off Kouyou’s attempt to play the situation down. “What’s her name? Which station does she work on? Is she pretty?” he started to bombard him with questions.

“Her name’s Rui,” Kouyou caved. “She’s working at the children’s ward.”

“Have you asked her out on a date yet?” Takanori asked shamelessly.

Kouyou flinched. “No, I haven’t. Why would I ask her out on a date? I told you it’s not like that! We’re just having lunch together sometimes.”

No way was he letting Kouyou get away this easily. “So? Shouldn’t be too hard to take the next step and ask her out to dinner then, should it?” He pressed his index finger against his lips, thinking about a way to tease Kouyou further. “The children’s ward you say? Why that’s perfect. I bet it’s a great help in picking out baby names!”

“B-baby names?!” Kouyou gasped in shock. “Oi, slow down, would you? I haven’t even asked her out to dinner yet!”

“AHA!” Takanori shouted, clapping his hands together triumphantly. “So you _do_ want to take her out to dinner?”

Kouyou dropped his chopsticks into his bowl, causing some of the soup to splatter across the table top. "T-That’s not what I was… uhm, I meant to say that…” He shut his mouth, glancing at him clueless, unable to find the right words. At his distraught state, Takanori burst out into laughter, causing his face to drop even further. “You’re the devil, you know that?”

Takanori chuckled proudly, taking a sip of his water. Again, that certain lawyer ghosted through his mind at Kouyou’s words. “So I’ve been told.”

 

* * *

  
“Geez, you’re just like all these teenagers, you know that?”

Yuu looked up from his phone, where he was met with a scolding frown. Dark eyes studied his face, before they fell to his phone. With a disapproving headshake, his mother slapped his arm lightly. “I was hoping to spend some time with my son, and here you are, glued to that phone of yours.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, ma!” he apologized. “Didn’t mean to turn you into one of those grumpy old pensioners who constantly complain a _bout those youngsters being enslaved to their phones_.” He held his phone up in the air, waggling it around while he imitated the tone of an old person.

His mother’s look changed into one of disbelief. “Excuse me? I’m not that old yet,” she grumbled indignantly.

Yuu gave her a peck on the cheek. “I know, I was just teasing you.” With a rueful smile, he stowed the phone away in his pocket. “It was just Yutaka,” he said, as though he had to actually justify his actions. However, he knew that his mother wasn’t being serious at all. She had never been very strict; a stark contrast to his father. “Let’s get going again then, shall we?”

He continued to push the cart down the next of the many aisles of the giant supermarket with a hum while his mother followed him. Her gaze was constantly switching from the sheet of paper in her hand to the shelves, where she studied the products. Every now and then, she grabbed an item and dumped it into their cart. “Thank you again,” she said, falling into a quick pace next to the cart after she had added a bunch of different spices to the stack of ingredients.

Yuu nodded. “Of course.” She had asked him to help her with the groceries. Knowing how much work it would take her to prepare everything for the dinner party his parents were hosting for a bunch of their clients, he had happily agreed to tag along. Plus, he knew that Takanori was meeting up with Kouyou for lunch, and Yutaka was busy in the restaurant, so there wasn’t much else to do anyway. Not that he didn’t like spending time with his mother.

Halting in front of one of the endless rows of freezers, his mother side-glanced him. “You sure you’re not gonna come?”

He sighed. They had talked about this on the phone already, and on the way here again. “I’m sorry, ma, I’m not coming. I don’t want to ruin your efforts by getting into another argument with father.”

“Why won’t the two of you get along?”

“I don’t know. I’ve tried, ma, you know I have. He’s just a self-righteous pri- _person_ that only ever sees the fault in others.”

“Well, you surely inherited your father’s stubbornness.” His mother closed the lid of the freezers again, not having taken out a single item. “Let’s check the butcher.”

There wasn’t much he could respond with. He knew that he was just as stubborn as his father; however, their latest (and arguably gravest) argument hadn’t been caused by him. And he was tired of talking about it over and over again. His father wouldn’t change his ways, he would continue to try and pressure Yuu into marrying some random woman. And as long as he didn’t come up with some truly wicked schemes, Yuu would continue to defy him. He hated to put his mother into a situation like this, caught in the middle as a mediator, both always expecting her to take a side. Meanwhile all she tried to do was hold their family together somehow.

Sensing his animosity towards his father, his mother silently steered them towards the supermarket’s own butcher, checking out the meat meticulously. “How was your trip?” she asked seemingly nonchalant, her attempt to change a topic that wouldn’t get anywhere all too obvious.

Yuu didn’t mind, though. “It was nice,” he replied, images of Nagoya’s vivid streets and impressive curiosities flashing before his eyes. “Nagoya’s really beautiful. Very lively, as well, though not as cramped as Tokyo. We had some fun times there.” He turned away from his mother as he felt a blush creep up on his face at the remembrance of their nightly activities, as well as the embarrassment of facing Takanori’s dad the next morning. However, Takanori had assured him that his father would keep quiet about their relationship, and his father hadn’t seemed hostile in the least at the idea of Yuu screwing his son. Much to his relief.

“You two seem to get along nicely, don’t you?”

Yuu swallowed down his panic at his mother’s innocent remark. “Yeah, I guess so,” he murmured, now studying the wares as well to distract himself, and not give himself away accidentally.

“Takanori was it, right?” Yuu had always been impressed by his mother’s mindfulness. They could have only mentioned Takanori but briefly to her, and she had still remembered his name correctly. “Does he have a girlfriend?”

Yuu’s eyes widened, and he looked up to his mother. So apparently, his father hadn’t ranted to her about _that disgusting little faggot_ then. At the thought of his father, hot anger boiled up inside of him, and he clenched his fists around the handle of the cart. Part of him wanted to openly tell her, confront her with Takanori’s sexuality (since he was still too much of a coward to address his own) to see how she would react. However, the stronger part inside of him filled him up with guilt at using Takanori like that. He could have blamed it on the butcher who just stepped to them to lend his assistance, but he knew deep down that he was just too scared to talk about it. Too scared to be rejected.

“No, he doesn’t,” he snapped. He bit down on his tongue, feeling the irresistible urge to punch himself in the face repeatedly. All courtesy aside, stripping him of that false pretense of nobility, he was left with nothing but his cowardice. His inability to be truthful to neither his own mother, nor his best friend. Why was it so hard to be honest?

“Oh. Well. I guess it was an indecent thing of me to ask,” she murmured, clearly having mistaken his gruff response as resentment towards her, and not towards his own incompetence. His own cowardice.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to brush you off like that. I was,” he rubbed his neck pathetically, trying to come up with an excuse, “I was still upset about father, is all.” Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Because he’s trying to find you a wife?”

“Because he’s trying to interfere with my life in general.”

They fell silent for a while, and Yuu watched his mother order a few pounds of meat in quiet anger. He wasn’t angry at her for bringing this topic up again. He was angry at his father. And at himself, of course. If he were just able to tell her the truth, then maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with his bullshit anymore.

She took the plastic bag containing the meat from the butcher, and put it into their cart. Yuu took this as a silent signal, and started to push the cart again; he steered it towards the registers, seeing how meat had been the last missing item on his mother’s shopping list.

“I get that you don’t like the idea of an arranged marriage,” his mother began to pick the topic up again. “And I certainly don’t agree with what your father tried to do the other night at dinner. But don’t you want to get a nice girlfriend?”

Yuu stopped in his tracks in the middle of the aisle to look at his mother. “What are you trying to say?” he groaned, dreading the course their conversation was taking.

“I just thought that you haven’t introduced a girl to us in a long while, you know? Surely you’d like to get a girlfriend again?” She approached him with a wary face, softly tucking a strand of his long hair behind his ear before caressing his cheek tenderly. “I’m just saying. If you brought a nice girl to dinner sometime, then I bet your father would stop with his talk about an arranged marriage.” She smiled at him timidly.

Something inside of Yuu snapped. “I’m not fucking interested in girls!” he shot at her, before he turned away from her and continued to walk down the aisle to retreat from her touch. He didn’t know why he reacted so effervescently; he had always been an irascible person (thanks to his father), but he had never been one to let his anger and frustration out on his mother. However, her words added to the weight on his shoulders that continuously pushed him down, crushing more and more of his soul until he felt like there was nothing left. Why couldn’t he simply be himself, without having to fear to show his true colors?

The true Yuu.

“Yuu, what…?” The shock on his mother’s face as she regarded him was nothing compared to the unconcealed hurt in her eyes. “What does that mean, you’re not interested in girls?”

_It means I’m into men!_

The pangs of guilt were like a slap in his face. “I’m sorry,” he murmured remorsefully, bowing his head down in shame. “What I mean is that I’m not interested in dating anyone at the moment,” he backtracked, once again too much of a coward to admit the truth. Hell, even his poor excuse of an attempt to maneuver himself out of his own deadlocked statement was a big fucking lie.

_That not quite true, is it? There’s someone you’d like to date. Someone you’ll never have. Not this way._

Pressing his lips together, he dug his fingernails into his palm, trying to shut up that irrational voice inside of him that was trying to bait him with falsities so desperately. It wasn’t true. He didn’t want to date Takanori. He didn’t see him that way. They were just friends; the idea of them becoming something else, something more was

_(heavenly)_

preposterous. Just because he had been prone to feeling utterly lonely before he had met Takanori, and before he had accepted his sexuality, didn’t mean that he had developed any feelings for him. His mother’s talk about girlfriends and marriage was to blame for this nonsense ghosting around in his upset mind. He just needed to clear his head – preferably with a smoke or some booze – and he would be back on track in no time.

Feeling his chest tighten at all the lies and all the hiding, Yuu silently gasped for air. The worries of being rejected by those closest to him for who he was tore at his heart and soul. He felt his hands and knees starting to shake.

“Do you mind if I go outside already and get the car?” he asked as his shortage of breath made him feel like he was slowly suffocating. He didn’t dare look at his mom. He felt guilty for leaving her in line by herself like this, but he needed to get out of this market. Needed to get a breath of fresh air if he didn’t want to end up screaming his frustration from the top of his lungs, or actually stop breathing. Why was he so messed up? The confusion inside of him was threatening to dig its teeth into his heart in a most ferocious manner on top of everything else, and if he didn’t get rid of it soon, then it would eat him alive. But he couldn’t talk to his mother about it. About any of it.

Without awaiting her reaction, he squeezed past the other customers as he couldn’t take the smothering feeling anymore to get to the top of the line as fast as possible, and past the register. Muttered curses were the response, as some of the people apparently thought he was trying to cut in line.

He stormed out of the building onto the parking lot, not halting for a single moment until he had reached his car. There, he leaned against the driver’s door, closing his eyes and trying to catch his breath. If he didn’t know any better, then he would have said that he had suffered from an anxiety attack; the walls had seemed to close in on him, and his chest only loosened up ever so slowly to allow him to breathe again properly.

His hands were still shaking as he retrieved his phone from the pocket of his pants; his first instinct was to write Takanori. However, he realized soon enough that the petite blonde was the last person who would be able to help him in his confusion. Sure, Takanori knew of his troubles, but there was nothing he could do but repeatedly encourage Yuu to tell someone.

To tell Yutaka.

It wasn’t like Yuu didn’t know that himself. The urge to open up to his best friend became stronger by the second; though his fear still held dominance over any other desire in his body. His fear of being rejected still paralyzed him, rendering him incapable of confiding in Yutaka.

He was truly pathetic.

In his pitifulness, he opened the chat box to type a quick message to Yutaka and ask him to hang out as soon as he was free. He knew that they wouldn’t be able to meet before next week. Yutaka’s restaurant was completely booked (as he had told him with that adorable half-serious whine of his on the phone the other day – _Seriously, Yuu, I’m gonna work myself to death next week!_ ). But what was one more week after he had spent literally months, if not years, in misery and confusion?

If worse came to worst, he would just get shitfaced again. Because God knew he wasn’t going to be man enough to spill the beans this time either.

Hopefully, the thought of meeting up with his best friend soon would get him through the next week. And hopefully, meeting up with Yutaka would put his mind at ease, regardless of whether he told him anything or not. Because no matter what, he always managed to cheer him up; those were some undeniable perks of Yutaka being the optimistic, ever-smiling sunshine he was.

If only some of his light would shine on Yuu as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler chap for the most part, but I hope you guys still enjoyed it~ The next two chaps will have some more fluff though, hehehe >:)


	26. Chapter 26

_Freshly showered, Takanori stepped out of the bathroom, a bright smile on his face that reflected the overall happiness he had been feeling for the last eleven months._

_“Sorry for making you wait, baby,” he hummed as he stepped into the living room, where Akira was sitting on the couch. He was immersed in one of his video games that he always picked up when Takanori was busy elsewhere._

_He snuck up to him, and wrapped his arms around Akira’s torso, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Then, he rounded the couch and dropped down besides his boyfriend. Takanori could still not believe that Akira and he had been dating for eleven months now – he had never been in a relationship for that long, and it both thrilled and scared him at the same time._

_Having finished his current level, Akira saved the game, closed it and switched on television instead. It was little things like that he did that made Takanori love him so much; he always minded him, and paused his games when Takanori ended his other activities or got home from work. He would have never asked Akira to do these things – he would never become one of these people who demanded their significant other dedicated their every waking hour to them. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t extremely happy that Akira tended to do these things out of his own volition. To spend more time with Takanori._

_It made his heart flutter._

_He snuggled up to Akira and buried his face in the nape of his neck. With a smile, he began to contribute chaste kisses on his neck that quickly grew in intensity, until Akira was moaning at the demanding touch of his lips against his sensitive skin. Continuing to kiss his neck, Takanori snuck his hand between his thighs. He palmed Akira’s cock through his dark denim jeans, coaxing yet another moan from him._

_“Fuck, baby, you make me feel so good,” he moaned, grabbing Takanori’s hand to rub it against his growing hard-on with more force._

_Takanori grinned against his neck. “Hmm, I can feel that,” he retorted, seized his hard-on through the fabric of the jeans, and gave it a light squeeze._

_Akira turned his head around to unite their lips in a passionate kiss, looking at Takanori for the first time since he had finished his shower._

_That was when things abruptly changed._

_To say that Takanori had expected anything else to happen was a blatant lie. It was more accurate to say that he had hoped for another outcome this time around. Had desperately craved it._

_However, Akira’s expression contorted into one of disapproval; disgust even. He pulled Takanori’s hand away from his slackening hard-on, and retreated from his touch by scooping away from him on the couch. “You’re not wearing any makeup,” he commented dryly._

_His words stung deeply, the silent reproach agonizingly palpable in the air between them. All happiness drained from Takanori’s body, and an old, by now all too familiar feeling of rejection and hurt flooded him. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. This wasn’t the first time Akira reacted this way. And every time, he kept lying to himself, telling himself how_ surely _this would be the last time, and how next time Akira would react differently._

_“So what?” Takanori whispered, voice husky from feeling horny and hurt at the same time. “It’s still me, isn’t it?”_

_Akira looked away, his jaw clenched as every muscle in his body tensed up. “I told you I don’t like it when you’re not wearing any makeup,” he hissed, not deigning to look at Takanori for even a second now that he had realized that he wasn’t wearing any makeup._

_Feeling another stab at his heart, Takanori’s hands started to shake. “Your behavior is ridiculous!” he snapped at his boyfriend, feeling unmitigated anger mixing with his pain. “So I’m not wearing any makeup every once in a while, what’s the big deal? I’m still the same person! You love me, don’t you?!”_

_“Of course I love you!” Akira’s head jerked around, his eyes narrowed angrily. “I just prefer you with makeup on, that’s all. I’m just being honest with you!”_

_“Spare me your bullshit!” Takanori shouted; all his pent-up hurt and anger started to spill out of his heart, and flowed from his lips. “You don’t ‘prefer’ me with makeup, it’s not true. Because you can’t stand to look at me when I’m not wearing any, much less touch me.” Every time he had gathered enough confidence to bear his face – his soul – like this to Akira, he had been shot down, with the other retreating from him every damn time. “What’s the matter? Am I not pretty enough for you without makeup on?” He felt tears well up inside of him at the thought, and he inhaled hastily to keep from having a breakdown in front of his boyfriend._

_Akira looked at him in a way that broke Takanori’s heart into a million pieces. The look he gave him was almost condescending. “You’re the one who’s being ridiculous here!” he yelled back, his face becoming red with anger. “You’re making mountains out of molehills. I never said you’re not pretty without any makeup on. I only said I prefer you with makeup.”_

_“Am I not pretty enough this way?” Takanori repeated his question, his voice as thin as paper._

_“Stop this bullshit!”_

_“Fine! Then kiss me! Show me it’s not a big deal. Show me it doesn’t matter!”_

_Akira’s fist punched the couch, causing Takanori to flinch. “I said stop it! This is coercion! Stop being so goddamn pushy, for fuck’s sake!”_

_“All I’m asking you to do is kiss me. Is that too much to ask for?!” Takanori’s voice had shrunken to a whisper. Did Akira not see the amount of self-doubt he exerted on him? Did he simply not care? It wasn’t too much to ask for to get some reassurance from his fucking boyfriend, now was it?_

_To his dismay, Akira grabbed the controller of his PlayStation and switched it back on again. “I don’t have the nerve for this crap right now,” he hissed, giving Takanori the cold shoulder once again._

_“Fine!” Takanori yelled, jumped to his feet, and grabbed his phone and keys from the coffee table. “I’m off to see Kou, don’t bother waiting up for me tonight!” he snapped, before he stomped out into the hallway without awaiting Akira’s response. Not that he would get any. Plus, he really didn’t want him to see the tears that were starting to run down his cheeks._

_He just wanted to get out of this goddamn apartment._

An excited bark yanked Takanori out of his painful memories. Sad eyes behind dark-framed glasses stared back at him, and with a muffled sob, he turned his back on his reflection, facing away from the big mirror that was situated on the wall in the hallway. This had been but one of their countless arguments about this issue. Akira had never openly said so, but Takanori had always known the answer to his question. Akira had indeed thought of him as less pretty without makeup on. If he had considered him pretty at all this way in the first place.

Takanori didn’t have to hear those words from him though. He had been able to read it in Akira’s eyes every time he had backed away when Takanori had presented himself without any makeup on. Had always been able to tell by the rejection he had suffered from Akira this way, over and over and over again. Until he hadn’t been able to take it anymore, and had started to wear makeup whenever Akira had been around. To please him. To spare himself the pain of rejection. To make it easier on the both of them. To find a way around something they had been incapable of working out together.

How utterly stupid he had been.

Takanori buttoned up his coat, and bowed down to attach the leash onto Koron’s harness. Right as he was finished, the doorbell rang. Furrowing his brows in confusion, he snatched his keys, then picked Koron up to keep him from storming out of the apartment as soon as he opened the door.

Had his parents changed their mind and decided to take Koron along after all?

However, when he opened the door, he was greeted with a pair of dark eyes, and a smiling face that was framed by dark strands of hair. “Hi, Nori!”

His heart skipped a beat, before it started to beat twice as fast, pumping sheer panic through his whole body. “Yuu? What are you doing here?” he managed to press out while he somehow tried to suppress the horror from leaking into his voice.

“Uh, we agreed to meet this afternoon?” Yuu answered, then his gaze fell and he recognized Koron. “Oh my God, is that Koron?” he almost screamed in excitement, then stretched his hand out immediately to pet him.

Koron barked at his hand, and Yuu halted in midair, allowing Koron to sniff him. When he decided that he wasn’t a threat, Koron started wiggling his tail, and with a laugh, Yuu started to pet his head. “You’re such a good boy!”

“Shit, it’s already 4?!” Takanori cursed, raising his arm to look at his wristwatch. He cursed again as he saw the time. He hadn’t even noticed how late it had gotten. “Ugh, I’m so sorry, my mind’s all over the place today,” he apologized, still feeling the same panic resonate within his body. “My parents dropped Koron off a while back, and I meant to take him out for a walk just now. I didn’t realize it’s already this late, shit, I’m sorry.” He lowered his head in shame, letting a few strands of hair drop in front of his face to cover it.

He was forced to look up again when Yuu grabbed his wrist and pulled him out onto the hallway. “I don’t mind! Let’s just go together, then. I could use some fresh air, actually,” he said in that cheerful tone of his, totally oblivious to Takanori’s distraught state.

Koron on one arm, and keys clutched tightly in the hand of his other arm, Takanori felt completely helpless as Yuu practically forced him out of his apartment. “N-no, wait!” he yelled in horror. “I can’t go out like this, I look like a mess.”

This caused Yuu to halt. With a frown, he looked at Takanori, whose anxiety grew as Yuu scrutinized him like that. “What are you talking about? You look totally fine.” As though he was confirming his statement, Koron barked encouragingly.

“No, you don’t understand! _I’m not wearing any makeup!”_

Yuu still looked at him as though he was a complete moron, and the corners of his mouth pulled down into a confused pout. “So what? Neither am I. Let’s go!”

Takanori wanted to protest again, but got pulled away from his front door towards the elevator against his will.

 

 

“My aunt fell and broke her arm, so my parents drove up to Osaka to check on her,” he explained as they walked through the spacious park. Koron was tugging at the leash relentlessly as he chased after various things – insects, birds, other passersby, even some leaves that got blown around by the cold autumn wind. “They didn’t want to subject him to the long drive, so they asked me to take care of him for the weekend. It kinda threw me off today’s schedule, to be honest.” Takanori barely dared to look at Yuu, and was grateful for Koron being such a vivid creature that constantly required his attention.

Yuu hummed in understanding. “I see. So I guess you don’t know how she’s doing yet?” he wanted to know, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black coat.

He shook his head. “No, not yet. They told me they’d text me as soon as they have arrived in Osaka. _Koron, stop that!_ ” He yanked at the leash slightly to pull the dog away from a piece of trash he had been about to bite into. He hated it when people carelessly littered in the park like that, where animals could easily pick it up – especially the freely roaming birds and ducks in the area.

“Those damn fuckers leaving their trash everywhere, even though there’s trash cans all around,” Yuu groaned, voicing Takanori’s exact thoughts.

Shivering as the cold autumn wind blew around them, he kneeled down to check Koron’s mouth to make sure that he hadn’t gotten a bite out of the plastic foil after all.

“Hey, is he alright?” Yuu murmured, a concerned look on his face as he regarded Koron, squatting down next to the Chihuahua as well.

Takanori looked Koron over, realizing immediately what Yuu had meant. Koron had begun to shiver allover. “He’s cold,” he mumbled, running his free hand through his hair in frustration. “Shit, I totally forgot to take my bag along.” He couldn’t blame Koron; the wind grew stronger by the minute, and he felt himself tremble as it caressed his exposed neck with cold, filigree fingers once more. In his haste, he had even forgotten to put a scarf on.

He gasped in shock as he felt the back of Yuu’s hand caress his cheek. “You’re freezing,” he ascertained, an unreadable expression on his face.

Blushing, Takanori wanted to play it down, and swat his hand away – while trying not to think too hard about the fact that Yuu hadn’t been disgusted at the thought of touching his bare face at all – however, Yuu beat him to it as he withdrew his hand. Speechlessly, Takanori watched as he pulled his own scarf from his neck and wrapped it around Takanori’s bare throat. “Here you go.” Still unable to form a single word, Takanori remained frozen in place, watching dumbfounded as Yuu opened his coat, took the leash from his cold hand, and picked Koron up before he pressed him against his chest. Carefully, he wrapped him up in his coat.

“That...” Takanori blinked in perplexed awe. “You didn’t have to do that,” he breathed, feeling himself grab Yuu’s offered hand, and get pulled back onto his feet. The blood rushing into his cheeks helped warm them, until his face became unbearably hot. He breathed in to calm his hammering heart, inhaling Yuu’s pleasant smell that stuck to his scarf.

“I wanted to,” was Yuu’s simple reply. He gave Takanori a bright smile that made his stomach flutter, and started to continue their stroll through the park. “Let’s get that little munchkin home, shall we?”

Takanori gasped again. “That’s what I always call him.” Could this man _actually_ read his mind?

He didn’t think that it would have been possible for Yuu’s to smile to grow even brighter. Alas, he was proven wrong.

 

 

Taking a sip of his red wine, Takanori stared directly at the dark TV screen, pretending to not notice Yuu's stares that lingered on him the whole time. Yuu had been staring at him ever since he had arrived at his apartment, during their walk in the park, and had continued staring at him as soon as they had gotten back to his place. It caused Takanori’s anxiety levels to skyrocket, and if Yuu didn’t stop his blatant staring soon, he would surely suffer a nervous breakdown. However, he was too much of a coward to address his staring.

He was too scared of the answer. Too scared of the rejection.

Surely, Yuu was thinking about how awful he looked without his usual makeup on. This was the first time he had ever seen Takanori without any makeup on, and the panic inside of him was threatening to choke him. He had never removed his makeup when Yuu had stayed over, or the other way around, had always made sure to wear waterproof makeup to prevent any exposure in situations like a spontaneous shared shower and such things. And now Yuu had caught him completely off guard, when he hadn’t gotten ready for their

_(date)_

meeting yet in any way. And now he wouldn’t stop staring at him.

_He hates it. He thinks I’m ugly, and he hates it. He hates me. He despises me, just like Akira did._

“What’s wrong?”

Yuu’s question yanked him out of his miserable thoughts, and Takanori blinked to refocus on the here and now. With a deep breath, he tried to push away the dark thoughts that had started to climb out of the backmost corner of his mind. “Nothing,” he lied.

“You’re lying,” Yuu called him out. “I can see that there’s something going on in that pretty head of yours, you won’t even look at me. Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Takanori exclaimed, his head jerking around to Yuu for a brief moment, before he averted his gaze again in shame. From his place on the armchair, Koron lifted his head to look at him questioningly, a quiet yelp escaping him. “It’s nothing, seriously,” he continued to lie.

Yuu sighed. “Then why can’t you stand to look at me?”

His heart got crushed by an iron-clad hand. Those were the words he had always asked Akira as well. _Why can’t you just look at me? Why can’t you stand to look at me? Why won’t you look at me? Why, why, why?_

Pressing his lips together, Takanori kept silent.

His silence earned him another sigh. Then, he felt slim fingers seize his chin and turn his face around, so that he was forced to look at Yuu. “Talk to me,” he begged softly, his thumb caressing his bottom lip tenderly as though it was asking him to lower his jaw in order to be able to speak again.

“Please don’t look at me,” Takanori whispered, trying to lower his head; however, Yuu’s fingers kept his face firmly in place, so he simply averted his gaze instead. “I can’t bear it.”

“Why not?”

 _“Because I’m fucking ugly, that’s why!”_ Takanori snapped, yanking his head around with more force this time to escape Yuu’s grip. Koron whimpered loudly; Takanori’s sudden outburst had startled him.

“What are you talking about?” Again, Yuu tried to seize his chin, but this time, Takanori swatted his hand away before it could reach his face again. “Nori, what’s going on? You’re not ugly, why would you say something like that?” His words were like slashes in his battered heart. Oh how he wished he could believe Yuu. But he couldn’t. Because he knew the truth. He knew how undesirable he was in this state.

No one wanted him, not even his own boyfriend had wanted him looking like this.

“Please stop lying to me,” he whispered. “I know that I am. You’ve been staring at me the whole day, haven’t you? So don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. I’m a fucking mess.” His hands found their way into his hair, and he tucked at the blonde strands in pain. “I’m not wearing any makeup, I’m such a fucking mess. I’m so fucking ugly. That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it? Please just tell me the truth.” His voice broke, and he panted heavily, having exhausted himself with his emotional outbreak. The memories still hurt like hell.

Yuu shifted on the couch to turn towards him properly. “I don’t understand,” he confessed. “Never even for one second have I thought that you’re ugly. Why would you think that of me? And what’s the big deal about not wearing any makeup?”

“It’s the only way to cover up my ugliness,” Takanori murmured. “If I’m not wearing any, then people will see. Then they’ll see… my ugliness. Which is why I have to wear makeup. So people won’t think I’m ugly. So they won’t reject me. _Don’t you get that?_ ” His heart was pounding against the inside of his chest incessantly at this point, pumping more and more panic and despair through his whole body.

“That’s absolute bullshit!” Yuu hissed, causing Takanori to flinch at his harsh tone. “Who told you this garbage? Who told you that you weren’t beautiful unless you had makeup on? It was that bastard Akira, wasn’t it?!” With every syllable, his tone grew more hostile, until his words seemed to cut through the air like knives.

Feeling sobs crawl up his throat, Takanori lifted his legs onto the couch and hugged his knees tightly to somehow comfort himself; to keep his chest from tearing apart at the sheer pain. “He didn’t want me unless I looked perfect. He always refused to touch me in any way when I wasn’t wearing any,” he admitted quietly, the remembrance of his ordeal drilling into his heart mercilessly.

Again, Yuu’s hand reached for his face, but this time he cradled his cheek, turning his face towards him gingerly. Takanori was too tired, and too upset to evade his touch, so he simply looked at Yuu with broken eyes and a broken heart. “First of all, nobody is perfect. Ever,” Yuu whispered, painting soothing circles on his cheek with his thumb. “Second, he’s an abusive asshole who didn’t deserve you.” His eyes darkened, and Takanori felt himself gulp at his words. “And third, I’m not like him. I don’t care whether you’re perfect or not. Fuck, I sure as hell ain’t, so I have no right to demand something impossible like that of others, now do I? I think you’re utterly beautiful, makeup or no makeup, and I don’t ever want to make you feel as though you have to be perfect. I just want you to be the way you are. Because I think you’re pretty damn near perfect the way you are, you hear me? I like you the way you are.”

Motionlessly, Takanori sat on the couch, his thoughts spinning around like a carousel. With his speech, Yuu had touched something deep within him, something that had been locked away in the depths of his soul for a very long time. Something that was now roaring its head, fighting ferociously to break free from its restraints. Staring deep into Yuu’s eyes, he tried to figure out what that something was.

It didn’t occur to him while he sat frozen like an ice statue, not moving a single muscle as Yuu slowly inched closer. He was unable to put a name to it as Yuu drew near, his lips closing in on Takanori’s. He was clueless as he felt Yuu’s breath caress his lips, still completely lost as to what that feeling was.

It hit him like a truck as Yuu’s lips touched his ever so faintly. As he tasted the sweet flavor of wine paired with Yuu’s delicious lips.

The feeling was happiness.

Pure happiness mixed with the liberating feeling of unconditional acceptance.

Withdrawing from the tender kiss, Yuu smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I’ve been meaning to do this all day.” His cheeks reddened, and he caressed Takanori’s cheek absent-mindedly.

Every word he heard him say, every touch he felt on his skin, every look Yuu gave him, they all resulted in bits and pieces of his shattered heart to be picked up again. Piece by piece, Yuu somehow managed to mend his broken heart ever so effortlessly. Sewed it back together, soothed the pain that raged through Takanori’s heart and body, and had taken ahold of his soul for so long.

He wanted to speak up, he wanted to tell Yuu these things, tell him anything, s _omething_ , thank him at least. But not a single word left his lips. Instead, he remained motionless on the couch, caught in Yuu’s dark, warm eyes that pierced his very soul.

“You look utterly adorable with those glasses, have I told you that?” Yuu’s lips twitched into a smirk, but it didn’t take away from the sincerity of his words. And once more, his words reached the deepest corners of his being, wiped away the ugliest insecurities. He didn’t even have time to put in contact lenses today, and the glasses had always nurtured his self-doubts even more. Akira had hated them as much as he had hated his bare face.

Once again, he wondered whether Yuu was able to read his thoughts, to see into the darkest parts of his soul, tear them out in the open and burn them away in the radiant sunlight that was his personality. His eyes. His smile. His voice. His touches. His words. Everything about him shone so brightly, and Takanori found himself drawn to the light that was Yuu like a moth was drawn to a flame. And he knew that he would get burned, but for once, he didn’t care.

Still at a loss for words, he simply bent forward instead, bringing their lips together once more.

This certainly wasn’t the first time they kissed. And yet, this kiss was different from all the others they had shared before. It was ginger and soft, sweet and innocent, and yet filled with the same passion that always sparked between them. But the tenderness of it somehow made it feel unique. It felt more intimate than any sexual activity between them had ever felt. Because this kiss wasn’t their bodies joining together as one; it was their souls connecting.

As Yuu seized his face with his other hand as well, deepening the kiss as gently as possible, another revelation hit Takanori. Yuu wasn’t Akira. He never had been, and he never would be.

And suddenly, it didn’t matter anymore what anyone else thought of him. Yuu had told Takanori that he thought of him as beautiful. Makeup or no makeup. Glasses or no glasses. Perfect or imperfect.

_I like you the way you are._

Maybe, with Yuu’s help, Takanori would be able to start liking himself just the way he was again as well. Yuu had told him that he liked him the way he was, he had told him that he found Takanori beautiful. And for the first time, Takanori believed him.

Still engrossed in their kiss, they pulled apart abruptly as Koron began to bark really loud. A bit disoriented, they looked down at the small creature that was now in front of the couch. Koron was barking up at them, demanding their attention while he jumped up and down repeatedly as he tried get onto the couch as well.

Takanori felt a wave of disappointment rush through him as Yuu let go of his face, and he bit down onto his lower lip to hold in the disgruntled sigh. His mother’s dog had an impeccable timing when it came to demanding attention; he had gotten in between every single one of Akira’s and his make-out sessions when they had still been dating. Honestly, Takanori was surprised Koron had left Yuu and him be for as long as he had, given how protective and needy he tended to be.

“He wants some affection as well,” he murmured. Realizing his choice of words too late, he blushed at the word. Affection surely wasn’t an appropriate term to use for their kind of relationship, now was it? After all, they weren’t boyfriends or anything.

Apparently, Yuu didn’t think much of his words, or he was very good at playing it cool. He simply bent over the edge of the couch, picked Koron up with ease, and placed the dog in his lap.

Enchanted, Takanori watched silently as Yuu started to scratch Koron between his ears, petting him thoroughly, which reduced the dog to a small bundle of content yelping and yawing. It was always said that animals were an excellent judge of character, but still, the quick rate at which Koron seemed to have taken a liking to Yuu baffled Takanori. Seemingly, the dog was much quicker at seeing the kindness of his soul – and believing in it. The fact that Yuu had kept him warm and had carried him all of the twenty minutes it had taken them to get from the park to Takanori’s apartment had won him Koron’s heart immediately.

As he reached for his glass on the coffee table to take another sip of wine, Takanori realized that they probably wouldn’t get much on tonight with Koron around, but strangely enough, he didn’t mind. If he was being honest, then he could just lean back and watch Yuu ruffle Koron’s fur affectionately for the rest of the night, that gorgeous smile of his ever-present on his beautiful face.

And while he watched Yuu silently, there was one more thing Takanori became aware of. Something he had begun to grasp the jest of back in the hotel room in Nagoya, but only fully comprehended now.

Sex wasn’t as important and necessary as he had thought it to be. Sure, sex helped him a great deal when it came to fighting off his loneliness and pain, especially temporarily. But it wasn’t the key to expelling it from his heart.

Yuu was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It's actually especially dear to me for some reason, so I truly hope you liked it!
> 
> Also, if some of my readers are interested, I posted a new Aoiki one shot recently. Feel free to check it out if you want, I'd be extremely happy if you did ^-^


	27. Chapter 27

“What is it?”

Yuu looked up from his screen. “What do you mean?”

Takanori sighed, rubbed his temple and pointed at the phone with his index finger. “You’ve been checking your phone every two minutes. What’s going on?”

Yuu felt his cheeks blush. His tone wasn’t accusatory, but he still felt guilt-ridden. Takanori had come over so they could spend some time together, and maybe watch a movie before having a nice round of sex. However, he had been unable to stay off his phone for the past hour. His behavior was even worse than it had been with his mother in the supermarket just a few days back, and Yuu locked the screen. He put the phone away by placing it on the coffee table. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I was just expecting-“

The doorbell cut him off, and instantly forgetting his apology, he jumped to his feet, and almost sprinted to the front door. “Yes?” he wanted to know through the speaker, heart beating fast with excitement.

“Yuu Shiroyama? Yamato Transport here. I have a delivery for you.”

Yuu nodded to himself, opened the door and told the delivery man floor and apartment number.

A few minutes later, a man in a green overall approached his door, carrying a large package. “Please sign here,” he hold out a clipboard to him, and Yuu wasted no time in signing his name. He snatched the package, and wished the delivery man a good night.

“What’s this?” Takanori asked, curiously eyeing the package with narrowed eyes. “You seem more excited than a child on Christmas Eve.”

He retrieved a pair of scissors from the kitchenette, then dropped down back onto the couch next to Takanori. “I’ve been waiting for this baby to arrive all day!” he exclaimed in excitement, opening up the package with nimble fingers.

Not in the slightest bit mad or angry at his behavior, but rather amused at his enthusiasm, Takanori leaned over to him, watching Yuu curiously as he opened the package. Chipping away at the tape, he pulled back the cardboard, which revealed a large black object wrapped in lots of bubble wrap. Impatiently, he pulled the wrapping away, and discarded it carelessly on the floor. He pulled out the black case, which earned him an understanding hum from Takanori. With a bright smile, he opened the case to uncover a dark-blue acoustic guitar. Carefully, he lifted it out of its case, then dumped the empty package on the floor as well, where he shoved it beneath the coffee table with his foot. He put the guitar in his lap with the utmost care, softly caressing the curvy body. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” he asked, totally awestruck by his newest acquisition.

“She is!” Takanori agreed. Almost anxiously, he stretched out his fingers to stroke over the body with his fingertips. His eyes radiated the same excitement that Yuu felt, and his stomach fluttered at the thought that Takanori shared his emotions.

“I stumbled across her on Amazon the other day, and I couldn’t resist. I had to get her!” He had repeatedly checked the tracking service over the past hours. Had anxiously waited for the status of his package to go through all the states of getting delivered to him.

“Hmm,” Takanori hummed quietly. “I see. That’s why you kept checking your phone.”

Yuu blushed again, sheepishly rubbing his neck. “Yeah, I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

Takanori laughed lightly. “No need to apologize. I get the same way when I ordered something I’m really looking forward to.”

He felt a smile stretch on his lips, and carefully played a few strings. To his delight, the strings only needed slight adjustments until they sounded in tune. Not wasting any more time, Yuu started to play the intro to _The Unforgiven_ by Metallica. Clumsily at first, his fingers remembered more and more after every chord he played, finding back into the melody quickly. He hadn’t played the guitar in almost ten years, had actually never thought much about it until he had stumbled across this beauty the other day. That had been when he had realized how much he missed playing the guitar on occasion.

“I didn’t know you could play the guitar. You’ve never told me.” Takanori nudged him in the side with his elbow, his voice scolding but the smile on his face bright. Oh, how Yuu loved that smile. Even though it seemed a little bit less energetic than usual – maybe Takanori was tired?

Caressing the strings gingerly, Yuu tilted his head, relishing in the familiar feeling of the strings beneath the tips of his fingers. “I haven’t played the guitar in ages. I played a bit back in high school. But when I started to study, I kinda dropped it, and I stopped thinking about it, I guess. Until I saw her on Amazon recently. That’s when it kinda all came rushing back, you know?” He laughed in embarrassment, feeling a bit dumb at his own words.

However, Takanori’s face was serious as he nodded in understanding. “Yeah, totally. Sometimes we get so distracted by other things that we totally forget about the things we actually enjoy.”

Yuu nodded, and they fell into a comfortable silence for a while, in which Takanori watched him as he tried to remember as much as he could. There were some blanks, and to his frustration, he had forgotten the notes to some of the songs he had known how to play in his sleep back in the day. But Takanori’s relaxed face made him forget his anger, and just enjoy the sound of the strings resonating in the silence.

“You’re good,” Takanori whispered as Yuu had finished yet another song, and Yuu blushed.

“Well, not as good as I’d like to be. Back in high school, I even thought about doing music seriously for a while. But my lack in skills are what kept me from pursuing a musical career. That, and my father, obviously.” He felt sick as he thought back about their countless arguments over his hobby. “He always thought that I was wasting my time with playing the guitar, ya know? He always told me to drop it, and to focus on school, and my grades and all that shit.” Yuu rolled his eyes. “Almost had me quit high school shortly before graduating.”

Takanori grimaced sympathetically. “Ugh, that must’ve sucked. I’ll never know why your father is such a fucking douche.”

“You and me both,” Yuu replied somber. Feeling the familiar pangs of depression and hurt well up inside of him, he started to pluck at the strings, coaxing a new, melancholic melody from them. His father’s constant rejection and disapproval had taken a toll on him, especially back when he had been a teenager. And it still hurt, though he had stopped trying to understand why and just accept that his father would never truly love him.

Picking up on his saddening mood, Takanori gnawed at his bottom lip guiltily. “Can you teach me?” he finally asked after another moment of silence.

Yuu looked up at him in surprise. “For real?” he asked, feeling his heartbeat skip at the thought of teaching Takanori how to play the guitar.

Takanori shrugged, a shy smile on his lips. “If you don’t mind? But I gotta warn you, I’m a crappy student. Always have been.”

This made Yuu laugh genuinely. “You couldn’t have been worse than me,” he retorted, before handing the guitar to Takanori, who placed it in his lap as though he was handling a highly breakable delicacy.

“Okay, what should I do?” he asked, stroking over the strings tenderly. There was a show of utmost respect in that gesture that warmed Yuu’s heart immediately. He felt that Takanori would not only respect both the guitar and him, but take them very seriously. And it made his stomach flutter yet again.

Yuu contemplated for a moment, trying to recall the steps in which he had learnt how to play the guitar. “Okay, first I’m gonna show the root position chords to you, E major, A major and D major.” Trying not to think too much about it, he grabbed Takanori’s left hand, which was comfortably warm, guiding his fingers on the strings for the first chord. “This is E major.” He softly pressed Takanori’s fingers down. “Try playing the strings.”

Brows furrowed in utmost concentration, Takanori did as he was told. He grimaced at the sound, which sounded a bit off. “I screwed up,” he mumbled, the disappointment visible on his face. “Did I do it wrong?”

Yuu smiled at him encouragingly. “No, you didn’t screw anything up. This happens a lot to beginners. You need to make sure to put more pressure on the strings.” He nudged the fingers of his left hand slightly. “If they’re not pressed down tightly enough, the sound seems off. It’s a natural thing to happen, and it’ll go away with a bit of practice. See?” He helped Takanori push down his fingers properly, and waved at him to strike the chord again. This time, a clear E major could be heard.

The happy smile on Takanori’s face took his breath away. He was staring at his left hand, eyes narrowed as he imprinted the position of his fingers into his memory. Yuu retreated his hand silently, leaving Takanori to his own devices. He played the E major a few more times, readjusting the pressure of his fingers until he had achieved the correct sound that Yuu had shown him.

“So far so good,” Yuu praised him, noticing a faint red tinge on Takanori’s cheeks.

“Can you show me the next one?”

Yuu grabbed his fingers again, changing their position until they held A major. He held onto Takanori’s fingers to help him realize the right amount of pressure. At the second attempt, an almost perfect A major sound was audible. Yuu retreated again, letting Takanori practice his second chord several times again.

Without having been instructed to, he switched back to E major after a few tries, recalling the position of his fingers perfectly. Yuu was just as impressed as happy, flattered almost. Takanori switched between the two chords, playing them with precision, making them sound stronger and more confident with every new attempt.

“Let’s try D major next,” Yuu smiled, rearranging Takanori’s grip again.

Again, Takanori showed to be a quick study, getting the chord right at the first attempt.

Yuu laughed as he felt his own joy reflected in Takanori’s eyes. “Crappy student, my ass. You’re doing great!” he grinned, then combed through his hair with his fingers, before he put the strands over his left shoulder. Being so close to Takanori always made him feel warm, but lately he felt as though he was burning up if he so much as got close to him. And his cheeks seemed to fill up with blood more often and faster than before as well – how utterly ridiculous.

Takanori returned his grin. “Guess I just have a good teacher,” he mused, alternating between the three chords he had just learned with an ease that made Yuu almost doubt that he was a beginner.

Feeling the warmth creep up in his cheeks, Yuu cleared his throat in an attempt to gloss over his flustered embarrassment.

“What else can you teach me?” Takanori pried excitedly, his eyes glowing, which sent shivers down Yuu’s spine. Then, he coughed lightly. “I wanna learn more!” The red on his face seemed to grow more intense by the minute, much like Yuu felt himself.

“Hmm, I could show you a few more chords, and then we could try out a song?” he suggested. There were a few fairly easy songs on his mind, songs that didn’t require too many chords and were easy to play.

The glint in Takanori’s eyes grew in intensity.

 

 

“I give up.” With a groan, Takanori placed the guitar on the couch between them. The corners of his mouth had turned upside down, and the glint in his eyes had gone out like a fire that had been doused.

“Now, now,” Yuu chided him, placing his hand on Takanori’s knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s not like you to give up this easily.”

Takanori’s frown deepened. “But I can’t do it. I suck. I keep screwing up the chords, I’m too stupid for this.”

“Takanori Matsumoto!” Yuu scolded him with an earnest voice, which gained him Takanori’s shocked gaze. His stern expression changed into a smile and he flicked his forehead amicably. “You’ve been trying to learn how to play the guitar for roughly an hour now. Of course you’re not gonna be perfect yet. Not even the greatest guitarists in the world succeeded at their first try.” His words were meant to encourage Takanori, and it worked.

At least partly, for Takanori picked up the guitar again, frown still edged deeply into his forehead. “Alright, but you gotta help me. I just can’t get it right,” he murmured.

Yuu thought their options through for a moment. He had shown Takanori all the required chords, they had practiced them individually over and over again until Takanori could almost play them blindfolded. However, as soon as he tried to string them together into a song, he floundered, mixing up the chords and the strings, which resulted in a string of curses every time he made a mistake.

“Turn around,” Yuu demanded after a minute of consideration.

Surprised, Takanori eyed him. However, he silently obeyed, turning his back to Yuu, while he still held onto the guitar. Feeling the pace of his heart accelerate, Yuu inhaled deeply. Then, he wrapped his arms around Takanori’s body, covering both of his hands. Slowly, as though they were dancing a waltz to the slowest ballad known to mankind, he guided Takanori’s fingers to the right chords. He helped him exert enough pressure on the strings and showed him which cords to play at the same time. He tried to go as slowly and clearly as possible, telling Takanori every time which chord they were just playing. Patiently, he went through all of the chords individually, then strung them together slowly. He repeated the whole process over and over again to help Takanori memorize the chords. Slowly, the melody of the song became recognizable, and he heard Takanori sigh – if in relief or defeat, Yuu wasn’t entirely sure.

“You gotta take your time. Playing the guitar isn’t something you learn how to do overnight. It takes lots and lots of practice. It took me ages to learn the first proper songs on guitar as well.”

Takanori groaned. “I know. I just get really impatient, especially when I don’t succeed at something, and then I screw things up even worse. You should see me play video games with Kou, it’s not a fun sight, I tell you.”

Yuu laughed into his hair. “I bet you look really cute when you’re agitated over video games,” he whispered, taking in his scent that always intoxicated him so much. He felt his stomach flutter, the thought of holding Takanori in his arms like that sent warm shivers all over his body, filling him up with an overwhelming warmth. All he wanted to do was hold him like this forever, and never let go of him again.

“If you think it’s cute when I start to throw controllers around, then by all means.”

Yuu laughed again, slowly removing the pressure he exerted on Takanori’s fingers. The chords kept playing, and Takanori didn’t even seem to realize, not even when Yuu wrapped his arms around his waist, closing his eyes as he listened to the soft tunes Takanori was playing. “You’re doing great,” he murmured, tilted his head and pressed a kiss to Takanori’s shoulder. He felt Takanori shiver underneath his touch, and pressed another kiss to his neck. The skin was soft, and burning hot.

A quiet screech could be heard, and Takanori groaned. “Stop it, you’re distracting me,” he pouted, but Yuu felt him lean into his touch.

He wanted to reply with a smug comment, when Takanori coughed again, this time longer and stronger than the time before. He felt him tense up as his body got shaken by a string of coughs, and Yuu retreated worriedly. “You okay?” he asked, but didn’t get an answer as Takanori continued coughing.

So instead, Yuu got up, and hurried over to the kitchenette to fetch him a glass of water as quickly as possible; which was probably a much more reasonable beverage to consume in his current state than the beer they had been sipping so far.

Still coughing, Takanori thankfully grabbed the glass, downed the water in a big gulp, before he put the empty glass down. His lungs seemed soothed for the time being, and Yuu dropped back down onto the couch in front of him. “Better?”

Takanori nodded. “Dunno what that was all about,” he mumbled, voice raspy from the coughs. He placed the glass on the coffee table next to Yuu’s phone, and picked up the guitar again, starting back at the beginning of the song. This time, his fingers seemed to be more certain, more confident in the way they played the chords, reproducing the exact tunes they had just practiced together.

Crossing his legs on the couch, Yuu watched him silently as he played the chords to _Chasing Cars_. He was gaining more confidence with every right chord he played, a content smile began to stretch on his reddened face.

Yuu could stare at this image for hours and not get tired of it, that much he knew. He also knew that his heart beat incessantly, threatening to jump out of his chest at the quick rate it was beating. All he wanted to do was lean over, close the short distance between them and just kiss Takanori. Kiss him the way he had kissed him a few days back in his living room; tasting the same, sweet innocence he had tasted that day, and that had intoxicated him completely.

_If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Takanori’s body, pull him close and never let go. Fuck, Takanori made him feel so good, made him so incredibly, stupidly happy by just existing, by just sitting next to him, playing a sappy song on his newly acquired acoustic guitar while smiling that gorgeous smile of his. It almost scared Yuu.

“You’re staring,” Takanori remarked, still highly focused on his chords. He didn’t look up, and still, Yuu couldn’t help but feel extremely exposed.

“Am not,” Yuu denied. He knew how feeble his lie was, but he didn’t feel confident enough to admit his strange behavior. He didn’t even understand it in the first place. Sure, Takanori was gorgeous, and he desired him every waking hour, hell, even in his sleep, but these things he kept feeling lately were irrational and stupid.

And also very, very persistent.

Like the urge to lean over and get the taste of his lips he so desperately desired.

“Are.”

“Am not.”

“Are.”

Yuu pulled his lips into a pout. “You’re not even looking at me, how would you know?”

“I just know,” Takanori replied, but he stopped playing in order to look up to Yuu, who quickly averted his gaze. “See? You were staring.”

“So what if I was?” Yuu sulked, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment. He was lucky that Takanori couldn’t read minds, otherwise he would have surely fled his apartment by now. And that was the last thing Yuu wanted. He wanted to spend every waking hour by his side, wanted to stay close to him. He had started to notice this odd behavior of his – how his chest contracted painfully whenever they bid each other farewell, how much it stung to have Takanori leave the morning (or noon, or afternoon, or evening) after, when he wanted to do nothing more than beg him to stay. When he wanted to stay over at Takanori’s place so badly himself, but never dared to ask for permission.

Because he knew it was wrong.

It wasn’t what they were supposed to be.

_Fuckbuddies._

Nothing more and nothing less.

The thought hurt him, and Yuu bit down on his tongue until it hurt to distract himself from the painful sting in his heart. What was wrong with him lately? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Takanori? He had even started to dream about him. It was getting unbearable.

“What’s wrong?” Takanori asked, his tone wavering. “You’re making a face as long as a fiddle.”

“Nothing!” Yuu shot back a tad too hastily, earning a doubtful frown from Takanori. “Uhm, I’m fine, seriously,” he added more slowly.

Takanori shrugged, not convinced at his words. “You know you can always tell me, right?”

Yuu nodded, feeling the urge to scream out all his frustration. “I know.” Oh how he wished that were true. How he wished that he could tell Takanori about his confusing feelings. How he wished he could talk about them openly in the first place. But he surely couldn’t tell Takanori, and nobody else knew about their relationship in the first place. Well, besides Kouyou and Takanori’s parents, but he really didn’t feel like talking to any of them about his issues. What was he supposed to tell them, anyway?

_Hey, I think the feelings I have for your son-slash-your-best-friend aren’t purely sexual anymore._

Yeah, no. Not a good idea, unless he was looking to get beheaded right on the spot. Which on second thought, didn’t seem like such a bad idea if he thought about it in more detail.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Beheadings.” Still stuck in his thoughts, Yuu didn’t even realize the kind of answer he had given Takanori.

“Why the hell are you thinking about beheadings?” Takanori grunted incredulously.

Yuu snapped out of his train of thought, his eyes widening in shock. “Eh, uhm, I… well, uhm, you see…” His eyes wandered around his living room frantically, searching for any kind of plausible explanation. They fell onto the PlayStation placed on the board underneath the flat screen, and Yuu opened his mouth before he knew what he was doing. “There’s a new game I’ve been playing lately,” he explained rashly, pointing at the console. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie, he had been absorbed in an exciting video game as of late. “Where you, well uh, you behead a lot of people in.”

Takanori pulled a face. “Okay, gross.” Then he laughed in amusement. “You’re weird, you know that?” he added, and Yuu looked back at him depressed. However, the smile on his face melted the indignant feeling within him away in an instant, reducing the ice-cold block of sadness into an irrelevant puddle of lukewarm water. “It’s a compliment, dummy. I like it. I like how weird you are. Kinda fits my weirdness, don’t you think?” he said, and once more, he registered the redness on Takanori’s face.

“I really wanna kiss you right now,” Yuu whispered before he could stop his tongue, his eyes studying every inch of Takanori’s beautiful face, ultimately halting as they reached his lips. Like a black hole, he felt himself gravitate towards these luscious lips that promised him so many sweet things, so many wonderful things to feel and relish in.

No, that wasn’t entirely true.

Takanori’s lips weren’t what drew him close every damn time. It was Takanori as a whole. Every time he looked at him, he felt an invisible force pull him his way relentlessly; it made him feel like a careless insect that had been stuck on the sweetest nectar, unable to free himself from the merciless hold it had on him.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Takanori breathed.

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat as he saw Takanori’s eyes drop to his lips, his tongue darting out of his mouth ever so slightly to wet his own lips. That was when he couldn’t handle it anymore. Holding back the burning desire inside of him as best as he could, he slowly leaned over, placing his lips on Takanori’s as softly as possible.

The same overwhelming feeling as last time flooded him, sending a tingling warmth throughout his whole body. Just like the last time, it felt so unusual. So unique. As though the last months hadn’t happened at all, as though they were kissing for the very first time. As though they were two teenagers, who were only now discovering their attraction towards each other.

Almost hesitantly, he started moving his lips against Takanori’s, sighing against his lips as he felt his blood rush through his body, and a swarm of butterflies set off inside of his stomach. He always felt warmth and desire flow through his body when Takanori and he kissed, but these kisses were different. They were soft and ginger, and so full of restraint while at the same time, he felt all of his passion flow into the kiss. Felt all of Takanori’s passion cross over as he returned the kiss just as hesitantly.

It was the most beautiful feeling in the whole world.

If Yuu could, he would kiss Takanori like this every time.

Cradling Takanori’s face in his hands, Yuu tilted his head to let the kiss grow in intensity and passion ever so slightly. Softly, he deepened it all the while he retreated slightly every once in a while until their lips barely touched anymore, before he pressed his lips back onto Takanori’s. He felt him shiver, and sigh into their kiss, which sent the swarm of butterflies throughout his whole body.

Was it possible that Takanori enjoyed these tender kisses as much as he did?

Was it possible that he craved them just as much?

“Shit!” Takanori breathed as he turned his head away, breaking their kiss, which yanked Yuu out of his blissful thoughts. He opened his eyes, staring at his red cheek. “I’m dizzy,” he mumbled, then he coughed once more.

Yuu frowned. Then, something hit him. Something he had felt as he had kissed Takanori, but something that he had shrugged off in the heat of the moment.

His cheeks had been burning up.

Feeling his own cheeks burn hotly, Yuu hadn’t thought much of it before, but now, it really worried him. “Hold on.” He raised his hand to press his palm to Takanori’s forehead. It was burning hot as well. That was when things started to fall into place. His red face. His coughs. His warm hands. The heat of his cheeks. His dizziness. “You’re burning up,” Yuu said worriedly. “I think you’ve got a fever.”

Takanori looked at him, and Yuu wanted to slap himself across the face. Why hadn’t he noticed his fatigue before? It was plainly visible on his face now. “Yeah, I don’t feel so good.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Yuu removed a strand of blonde hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear.

Takanori shrugged weakly. “I thought I was just imagining things.”

Yuu sighed. He dropped his hand, grabbed the glass and stood again. “Stay here, I’m gonna be right back.” He turned around, and hurried into the bathroom. Hastily, he sifted through the cupboards until he had found his stash of Paracetamol, filled the glass up with cold water, and returned to the living room.

“Here, take this.” He handed Takanori the glass and the pills, taking the guitar from him that still rested in his lap. “That’ll hopefully bring down the fever a bit.” He stored the guitar in its case, and placed it next to the couch, watching attentively as Takanori shoved one of the white pills into his mouth, and swallowed it with a sip of water.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, sinking back against the backrest. He closed his eyes for a bit, but reopened them to look down at his hand in confusion. “Shit.” Yuu followed his look and noticed his trembling hand as well. Not only his hand; his whole body had started shivering. “I’m cold,” Takanori mouthed, rubbing his right upper arm with his left hand, before he coughed again.

Precautionary, Yuu took the glass from him and placed it on the table again, then he got up once more, this time heading for his bedroom. He turned on the light, heading straight for his wardrobe, where he rummaged through his sweaters, until he had found the warmest hoodie in his possession; a simple black one showing the white initials of X Japan. He had managed to grab one at one of their concerts, shortly before the hoodies had been sold out. Yutaka and he had gotten ahold of the last two hoodies in their size.

He handed Takanori the hoodie, who gladly pulled it over his shirt. The hood got stuck on his head as he pulled the hoodie down, but he decided to leave it on. He snuggled into the hoodie, wrapping his arms around himself. “It smells like you,” he mumbled, grabbed the collar and pulled it up over his nose, inhaling Yuu’s scent.

His heart skipped another beat at the sight. Caringly, Yuu pulled the woolen blanket over his legs, wrapping him in more warmth. “Do you need anything else? I could make you a tea or something?” he suggested, placing his hand on Takanori’s thigh, and stroking it gently through the blanket.

“I’d like that,” was the muffled answer through the collar of his hoodie, and Yuu got up a third time, watching with concern as Takanori’s eyes fell shut from exhaustion. The fever must have brewed inside of him for a while now. Maybe he had gotten sick the other day when they had been on a stroll with Koron and he had forgotten to wear a scarf, barely dressing warm enough for the merciless wind that had blown that day.

“I’m sorry.” His words made Yuu halt in his tracks on the way to the kitchenette, and he turned around to look at Takanori. His eyes were barely open as he looked at Yuu, but even though most of his face was covered in black fabric, Yuu could still read the guilt on his face. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll be able to… do it tonight.”

Yuu’s eyes widened. Sex was truly the last thing on his mind right now. As should it be with Takanori. “Don’t worry about it. That’s not important tonight. What’s important is that you get some rest, alright? That’s all you should worry about.”

“But-“

“No buts,” Yuu cut him off softly, feeling like a mother scolding her child. “You’re in no condition to worry about something unimportant like that right now. I think I can survive without sex for a few days.” He meant for his words to lighten the mood, but the guilty glint in Takanori’s eyes just wouldn’t vanish. Not knowing what else to say, Yuu bit down on his lip, and turned on his heel, walking over to the kitchenette to get the tea ready.

Placing the cup with the tea on the table to brew, Yuu sat down next to Takanori. He looked utterly defeated, and still as guilty as though he had accidentally killed Yuu’s mother Hamlet-style. “I’m being serious,” Yuu tried again, getting Takanori to look at him. At least he managed that much. Now he just needed to convince him not to feel blameworthy about his sickness anymore. “Your needs are the only thing that matter right now, you hear me? You shouldn’t worry about anything else.”

Takanori opened his mouth to object again. At least that was what Yuu assumed as he saw the collar of his hoodie move. He raised his index finger to cut him off once more. “Uh-uh. This is non-negotiable. Don’t make me call Kouyou. Or worse, drive you to the hospital.”

His threat seemed to work, for Takanori cast his eyes down like a sinner confessing to his deepest sins. “For the record,” he murmured behind the hoodie, “Calling Kou is the worse option. You have any idea what kind of crap I’d get from him for ‘being so reckless and getting sick in the first place’?” He did an excellent imitation of Kouyou’s voice, and Yuu laughed. “Or coming over even though I was feeling a bit under the weather? I wouldn’t hear the end of it.” He took a deep breath, as though this little speech had already exhausted all of his energy.

“I thought as much, but I didn’t wanna risk working you up even more.”

Takanori nodded slowly, tiredly. He coughed again, then rubbed his upper arms. “I’m still feeling kinda cold.” He looked back at Yuu, an unspoken uncertainty reflected in his eyes.

Without hesitation, Yuu stretched out his arm, ignoring his hammering heart as much as he could muster. With a relieved sigh, Takanori snuggled up to him. He wrapped his arms around Yuu’s waist to press their bodies together as closely as possible, and draw in as much of Yuu’s warmth as he could. Feeling the swarm of butterflies awaken inside of his stomach again, Yuu grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. It didn’t really matter to him which movie they watched, he just wanted to distract Takanori, get him to relax if possible.

He zapped through the channels for a while, until Takanori asked him to halt at some drama. “Do you mind if we just watch this?” he asked, the same hesitancy in his words as before.

“Sure.” Yuu had to restrain himself from confessing how he didn’t give a damn about what they watched as long as Takanori stayed snuggled up to him like this. He also didn’t tell him that he would agree to anything Takanori wished for.

Those were things only for him to know, things Takanori shouldn’t have any knowledge of.

Tenderly, he wrapped his arms around his small frame and pulled Takanori as close as possible. He was barely able to focus on the things that were happening on-screen, was too distracted by the sensation of holding Takanori in his arms like this. If only they could stay this way forever. If only this moment could last forever, with Takanori falling asleep in his arms before the first commercial break, the tea completely forgotten on the coffee table.

If only Takanori were his.

For Yuu was becoming painfully aware of the fact that he was already Takanori’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when I will be able to upload the next chapter. Hopefully somewhen next week, or ultimately before next year. We shall see. Anyway, I wanna thank everyone for their continued support again. I love you guys ♥ In case I don't manage anymore, I wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy new year!


	28. Chapter 28

Loud drum beats filled the darkened room, the bass made the floor vibrate in an almost obnoxious manner, and the air was filled with the smell of sweat and smoke. Flashy lights occasionally illuminated the faces of the countless guests that jumped and swirled around in the night club, screaming and laughing in a deafening volume while they animated each other to get even sweatier on the dance floor.

Grunting in discomfort, Yuu shrunk further back in his seat, nibbling at the edge of his glass of whiskey as he watched all those people have fun. It made him feel weird to watch them in their excitement, and not be able to share it. Especially since he had been behaving just the same only a few months ago; drunk out of his mind and too far gone to care about anything or anyone. It had been a while since he had last visited a night club to get completely wasted, not counting the time he had gotten drunk after his fight with his father. Since he had visited a night club to pick up some random woman and try to convince himself that he was _normal_ , that he hadn’t struggled with his sexuality in the slightest. Or that he hadn’t tried to forget his other worries, which all concerned his father.

Back then, it had seemed like the most logical option to him. Now, the thought alone made him feel extremely uncomfortable. This was truly not what he had expected when he had showed up in Yutaka’s restaurant to pick him up to hang out together. He had had something else in mind, maybe a movie, or a drink at a bar, or a video games session at one of their apartments. Somewhere nice and quiet. Somewhere undisturbed. Somewhere private.

Somewhere they could have had a serious talk without being interrupted, without the fear of being overheard by anyone else.

Running his fingers through his hair with a groan, he shifted in his seat as he saw Yutaka approach their booth, and put the empty glass down on the table. He forced a fake smile onto his lips as Yutaka dropped down at their table as well, panting heavily after his round of dancing.

Yuu felt the same anxiety that had occupied his mind and body the better part of the night flare up again. That cursed anxiousness that was trying to prevent him from doing what was necessary – from taking the steps he knew he needed to take. Because his latest realization about Takanori tugged persistently at his heartstrings, and caused him to slowly go crazy. He needed someone to talk to. And he knew that Yutaka was the only person who qualified for this. The only one who he remotely dared to tell anything at all. Which was why he had – against his raging anxiety – decided to finally tell Yutaka the truth.

Until he had dragged him into this night club, that was.

And now, Yuu was stuck here, unable to get a word in edgeways because the music was deafening, and the club was just too fucking crowded – no matter that no one paid attention to them. This just wasn’t the setting he wanted to tell his best friend his darkest secrets in. Plus, Yutaka was far too distracted with drinking and dancing to care for his troubles.

“Do you mind if we go home?” Yuu asked once more, cringing as a dancing couple got dangerously close to bumping into their table.

“Huh?” Yutaka pointed at his ear, symbolizing that he hadn’t caught a word of what Yuu had said.

Rolling his eyes in frustration at the loud music, Yuu raised his voice. “Do you mind if we go home?” he repeated his question.

A pout formed on Yutaka’s face, and he scrutinized Yuu with an interrogative gaze, obviously thinking his eagerness to get out of a night club odd. Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Yuu agonized over a way to get across just how important it was for him to get some time alone with Yutaka. Just how badly he had to talk to him in private, out of anyone’s earshot. Just how heavily things were weighing on his mind.

“What’s with you being all anxious to get out of here tonight?” Yutaka raised his bottle of beer to his lips, frowned in disappointment as he realized that it was empty and put the bottle back down. “Just one more drink?” he pleaded, flashing his best puppy eyes at Yuu.

Not wanting to ruin his good time, Yuu groaned as he silently acquiesced to his fate. “Alright, one more drink,” he agreed with a defeated sigh, and upon receiving a bright smile from Yutaka, got up from his seat and started to fight his way through the crowd. Thereby, he tried his hardest not to bump into anyone, and make as little direct contact with sweaty people as he could manage.

He really wasn’t in the mood to dance tonight, and even drinking lots of alcohol didn’t sit right with him anymore either. He felt unenthusiastic and tired, and all he wanted to do was get out of this damned night club. Not being in the mood for some dancing was one thing, but not being in the mood to get drunk really took a toll on him, because he just didn’t know what else to do.

What else to do to silence his anxiety.

What else to do to shut off his mind.

What else to do to shut off his heart.

What else to do to keep himself from thinking about Takanori all the damn time.

He couldn’t even pinpoint the exact moment when things had started to change. When his feelings had started to change. Maybe he had been doomed from the very start – Yuu truly couldn’t tell in hindsight. And now he was left with those torturous feelings that just got fed more and more by his thoughts that couldn’t let go of Takanori for a single goddamn second. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him? Why did he miss him so much when they had just been on the phone a few hours ago? Why wouldn’t his heart stop beating so fucking fast whenever he so much as thought about him?

Deep down, Yuu already knew the answer, but he was too afraid to admit it to himself.

So instead, he pushed through the crowd to the bar, where he waited patiently while the bartender served some drinks, and pretended that he was having as good a time as everyone else.

“Two beers, please,” he ordered as the bartender turned towards him, deciding to take it easy with the alcohol for now. One whiskey was more than enough for him, and Yutaka had drunk nothing but beer to begin with. And he really didn’t want to be drunk out of his mind when he finally got the chance to talk to him, no matter how tempting the thought of calming his anxiety with alcohol seemed to be.

Thinking of Yutaka, Yuu frowned. His best friend usually not only hated drinking too much alcohol (though a few beers were totally A-Okay with him), but he also hated night clubs. So it baffled Yuu that not only had Yutaka been the one to suggest this activity and drag him here, but also the one who seemed to be enjoying himself a lot tonight. Unusually so. Why did he choose tonight of all nights to act so out of character?

“Here you go.”

Yuu paid for the drinks, and grabbed the two bottles of beer. He turned around and started to make his way back through the dancing crowd towards their booth, but didn’t get very far as a man about his height stepped in his way. Frowning, Yuu looked at him. The man had dark hair that was styled in a side-cut, dark-framed glasses and very handsome, masculine features. He also noticed that the man’s arms were covered in a lot of tattoos, which added to the confident manner in which he was carrying himself. And to the undeniable attractiveness.

“Uhm, can I help you?” Yuu asked, narrowing his eyes as he scrutinized the man who so boldly blocked his way back.

The man smiled, and took a step closer, getting uncomfortably close to Yuu. “I couldn’t help but notice you,” he said with a deep voice, and Yuu’s frown deepened while his heartrate started to pick up. “Actually, I’ve spotted you a while ago and I just can’t seem to take my eyes off of you. And I also couldn’t help but notice how you don’t seem particularly interested in women.” His eyelid twitched, and Yuu was unsure whether he had winked at him just now or whether he simply had some kind of innate spasms. His discomfort grew even more as he thought about this strange (and attractive) man watching him as he had declined a woman’s attempt to dance with him earlier this evening. Back when he hadn’t given up on actively trying to pretend like he was having fun yet.

“Is there a point to this or…?” Yuu didn’t feel especially chatty tonight, and he truly didn’t feel like talking to a man who had seemed to creep on him for the better part of the night, no matter how good-looking he was. The fact that he had met Takanori the exact same way remained stacked away in the rearmost corner of his mind. In contrast to this guy, Takanori had not only been gorgeous, but also extremely intriguing. And Yuu had been beyond sexually frustrated.

He stiffened as the man touched his arm in a familiar gesture and smiled again. He shuddered at the smile, which didn’t seem inviting at all, but much rather predatory, which undermined his attractive features. “I thought maybe we could get to know each other a bit better on the dance floor. Or any other place if you’d like. We could also get a drink instead if you don’t like dancing.” He eyed the bottles of beer in Yuu’s hands.

His frown evaporated into thin air, and Yuu’s face grew emotionless. Was this guy really just trying to hit on him?

Wracking his brain around how he could get rid of this unwanted attention as quickly as he could manage, Yuu shook off the other’s hand, Takanori on his mind once again. What if he could see Yuu right now? What would he think of him? Would he be mad? Would he get jealous? Would he get self-conscious again, and start his talk about Yuu dumping him for someone better?

Yuu felt instant guilt wash over him at the thought of Takanori. He felt guilty for indulging the man opposite him thus far, and he felt even guiltier for considering him attractive. Especially with his new-won awareness about how he saw Takanori. What he saw in Takanori. How much exactly he meant to him.

With Takanori almost painfully present in his mind, Yuu blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. “Thanks, but I’m taken.”

Not wasting any more time with awaiting the other man’s response, Yuu pushed past him. He had to restrain himself from not falling into a jog back to their table in his flight from this highly uncomfortable situation.

Halfway back to the booth, he finally realized the words he had uttered. _I’m taken._ Not, I’m not interested, but _I’m taken._

Swallowing down his inner panic once more as to what these words had paraphrased, he tightened his grip around the necks of the bottles, and tried as hard as he could to not think about Takanori yet again. About how hoarse he had still sounded on the phone, still nursing his damned cold, which had kept Yuu from spending as much time with him as he would have liked. About how exhausted he had looked when Yuu had visited him the last time. About how utterly beautiful he was, even with his cheeks pale, and his nose red from his cold. To his relief, Takanori hadn’t made a fuss about presenting himself in this less than perfect state (as he would have called it).

He had checked in on Takanori a few times during the last days. However, due to the cold Takanori had been sleepy most of the time, or coughing his lungs out. So Yuu had left again rather quickly every time in order to leave Takanori as much time and space to rest as he needed. Which subsequently let him to miss Takanori like hell, as foolish as this made him feel.

Still stuck in his thoughts that just wouldn’t stop plaguing him, Yuu came to a halt as he spotted two unfamiliar figures at their table. Cautiously, he neared the table, and finally identified the two figures as two young, beautiful women. Dread cut off his breath, and he felt like choking as he approached the table. “Yutaka, what..?” he whispered against the loud music, a fake smile plastered onto his face once again. This so didn’t look like Yutaka was bound to get up and leave after another drink. His heart sank to his stomach.

Yutaka looked up at him, eyes glistening with delight. “Oh, ladies, look who just got back!” he chirped, wrapping his arm around the waist of the blonde woman who sat next to him on the bench. She giggled, and ran her fingers across his chest while she nibbled at his neck.

Grimacing at the sight, Yuu looked between the other woman and Yutaka, waiting for some sort of explanation; as though he truly needed to have things spelt out for him. The lump in his throat grew as the woman with the dark hair flashed him a vivid smile, pressing her breasts together as she bent forward to grant him a better view. Quickly, Yuu turned away from her, regarding his best friend with what he hoped was a deadly glare.

Still grinning, Yutaka took one of the beers from Yuu. “This is Rika,” he pointed at the brunette with his bottle of beer, “she’s really eager to meet you.” With a wave of his hand, he ushered Yuu to take a seat right beside her.

Biting down on the inside of his cheek, Yuu hesitantly dropped down onto the bench, his mind running in circles about how he could get out of this situation as fast as possible. Should he simply up and leave without Yutaka, and provide no explanation whatsoever? Should he drag him out of here after they were finished with their drinks, maybe even before that? Should he lie about how he felt unwell and needed to go home and rest? He couldn’t seem to come up with any suitable excuse, and the thought of finally telling Yutaka the truth still filled him to the brim with a paralyzing anxiety, which added to the turmoil inside of him. Or should he indulge them, pretend to play along for the time being, until he found a better opportunity to excuse himself? Though he felt extremely bad at the thought of leaving Yutaka on his own like that. That wasn’t something good friends ought to do.

So much to finally spilling the beans to his best friend somewhere quiet and secluded.

He couldn’t just leave like that, especially not when he had been planning on having _the talk_ with Yutaka tonight. Because he doubted that he would work up the courage to try and tell him again anytime soon if he didn’t go through with it tonight.

Seeing how he wasn’t left with many options, Yuu took a sip of his beer, and decided to stay put for now. The alcohol left a bitter taste on his tongue, though it wasn’t as bitter as the feeling of Rika (who, according to her giggles, was just as intoxicated as her friend) grabbing his hand that rested on the table top. She painted a trail from the back of his hand over his lower arm until the tips of her fingers had reached his upper arm. Her fingers felt his biceps and squeezed it lightly, meanwhile she uttered an approving hum. He cringed at the contact, and took another sip of his beer in order to not break free of her grasp immediately, while he continued to try and come up with a way to flee this situation without ruining Yutaka’s evening – or their friendship.

Because Yutaka was very much enjoying himself, that much was clear as Yuu watched him turn his head around to smash his lips against the blonde’s, engaging in an elaborate kiss with her that made Yuu feel nauseous. The thought of kissing a woman ever again after he had kissed Takanori so many times felt simply wrong. The thought of ever being with a woman again felt so wrong, after he had finally experienced what felt right.

However, Rika seemed to expect exactly that as she grabbed his neck with her hand, and tried to pull his head close. Yuu remained as stiff as a statue, facing straight forward, which left him stuck on staring at Yutaka while Rika unsuccessfully tried to gain his attention. When he didn’t cave in, she resorted to kissing his neck instead, which left uncomfortably wet traces on Yuu’s skin. It made him feel… _filthy._

Like a filthy, goddamn liar, who couldn’t own up to who he was.

Like a filthy, goddamn cheater, even though he didn’t return any of her advances.

Just indulging her, and not telling her off, however, was what made him feel just as guilty as he would have felt if he had reciprocated her advances. Was what made him feel just as guilty as considering that man attractive. Was what made him feel just as guilty as though he had shoved his tongue down her throat. Not that he wanted to. He had neither wanted to do it to the man who had tried to chat him up earlier, no matter how handsome he had been, nor any other man in this club.

For none of them were Takanori.

Getting tired of watching the blonde shove her tongue into Yutaka’s mouth, he closed his eyes, and tried to block out everything – the loud music, the image of his best friend making out with a woman just across the table. The touch of Rika’s hands, her lips on his neck and her other hand still caressing his arm. His longing for Takanori. He wanted to think of nothing, of nobody. All he wanted was some goddamn peace of mind. But even the alcohol was out of the question to make him forget, because he truly wasn’t in the mood to get plastered. He just wanted to leave.

His eyes widened in shock when he felt Rika’s hand slide over his thigh, before she seized his crotch and squeezed it tightly. His mind went numb, and Yuu shot up from his seat, thereby shoving her back. “What the fuck are you doing?!” he screamed at her as he took a step back to get away from her, knocking the beer bottle on the table top over with his hand in the process.

“What is your fucking problem, you freak?” she shouted back, a mixture of hurt and disgust visible on her face as she rubbed her elbow which she had hit on the edge of the table. Apparently, she wasn’t used to men brushing off her flirting – or groping – attempts.

Yutaka broke free from the blonde to stare at Yuu with a confused expression, and Yuu’s chest seemed to constrict until he felt as though he couldn’t breathe anymore. “You’re my fucking problem!” He hadn’t meant to utter these words out loud, but his emotions were currently running amok. A paralyzing panic seeped throughout his whole body, and he cursed her for touching him like that. Incapable of putting up with any more, Yuu turned around on his heels, and stumbled towards the exit.

He completely ignored Yutaka’s calls behind him as he fought his way through the masses again.

 

 

“Yuu, wait up!”

He stomped down the sidewalk, intent on catching the next cab he could spot and just get out of this fucking district.

“Yuu, goddammit, slow down!”

He felt a hand seize his wrist and pull him in the other direction, which caused him to finally stop in his tracks. Strands of hair falling into his face, he turned around to finally face Yutaka, who looked at him as though he was an alien.

“What the hell happened back there?” Yutaka demanded to know, before he took a deep breath to calm his body after he had exerted it with sprinting after Yuu. “What’s going on with you tonight?”

“Nothing!” Yuu couldn’t stop himself from snapping at him as his panic still vibrated in his body, rendering him immobile of any clear thought. He didn’t even fully understand why he had reacted like this, why her touches had freaked him out so much. Sure, he wasn’t interested in women, but that didn’t mean that he had to lose his mind like that as soon as one touched him, now did it? It wasn’t like he had never been touched by a woman before, after all.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it!” Yutaka shot back as his confusion got replaced by anger. “I seriously don’t know what’s up with you, but you’ve been out of it for the last few days! Even more so tonight. And I just don’t know why you won’t talk to me. I thought taking you to this night club would make you feel better, get your mind off whatever’s bugging you, but you’ve been acting even weirder than before.” His anger vanished and instead, he looked defeated. Heartbroken.

Yuu swallowed thickly. The realization that Yutaka had done all this for him, to cheer him up when he had been so preoccupied with all his problems, felt as though his heart got stabbed with a huge knife. Wordlessly, Yutaka had put up with his bullshit for the last weeks while Yuu had kept him in the dark. He had never even said a word and had swallowed his silence down like a bitter pill, and Yuu hadn’t even realized that Yutaka had noticed at all.

Which of course he had, since he had always been a good, attentive friend.

Seeing Yutaka all depressed like that broke something in Yuu; he felt a heavy weight settle on his shoulders, and lowered his head in shame. He had craved being able to talk to Yutaka about his emotional problems, had wanted nothing more than to pour his heart out to him, but he had still been too fucking afraid to actually go through with it. He should have been more persistent from the start, should have insisted they stayed home and sat down to talk about everything, but instead he had kept quiet and let himself get dragged to the club. Had he still been too scared to seriously go through with his intention of telling him, even after he had spent countless nights lying awake for hours? When the thought of Takanori kept him from falling asleep almost every night?

Feeling tears of despair well up inside of him, Yuu wrapped his free arm around himself, too scared to look at Yutaka. He had every right to be confused. He had every right to be angry at him. He had every right to be tired of him.

And so was Yuu. He was tired of himself, he was tired of all these torturous feelings that were beginning to drive him insane. He was tired of feeling lonely and lost, afraid like a little boy. Afraid of what his feelings for Takanori meant for their relationship. Afraid of losing either him, or his best friend. Afraid of keeping Yutaka in the dark any longer about who he really was, no matter how scared he was of being rejected.

“Can we not do this right here and now?” he whispered broken, blinking desperately to keep the tears at bay. He felt as though the last events had robbed him of all his remaining energy, all of his will to keep fighting this fight on his own. He just wanted to break down, he just wanted to be weak for once, to let himself fall. And he knew he couldn’t do that in front of Takanori. Not this time.

He needed Yutaka.

He had become painfully aware of this in the last few days. In the last few nights that he had lain awake in his bed on his own, missing Takanori so dearly it kept him from breathing properly. He needed to talk to Yutaka so desperately. He needed his comfort, his insight, his advice.

However, Yutaka seemed to have misunderstood his remark. His face darkened. “I’m sorry, Yuu, but we have to talk about this. I’ve kept quiet for a long time now, but I can’t do it anymore. You’ve been acting strange for a while now, and not once have you thought to talk about it with me. Is it something that I did, is that it? Is that why you won’t talk to me?”

Yuu looked up at him, despair began to claw at his heart. “Of course not! Of course it’s not because of you! Just please don’t make me do this. Not right here. Please just let us go home.” He hastily wiped his cheek with the back of his hand as he felt a single tear escape his eye. “I promise I’ll tell you everything, but please don’t force me to do it here in public.” Warily, he looked around them, eyeing the other passersby who luckily didn’t mind them very much – yet. Though some of them did cast weirded out glances their way as they noted Yutaka still holding onto his wrist.

At the sight of his distraught state, Yutaka’s features grew soft, and he loosened his grip on Yuu’s wrist. “Alright, let’s go home then. And then, we’ll talk, okay?”

 

 

Stepping into Yutaka’s small but comfortable apartment, Yuu shrugged his shoes and coat off quickly, feeling his heart beat incessantly at the thought of finally opening up to Yutaka. The knowledge that this talk was inevitable, which he had known for a while now, didn’t mean that he dreaded it any less. But he also knew that Yutaka was pretty much the only one he could even imagine opening up to.

Silently, he followed him into the living room, where Yutaka motioned for him to drop down onto the couch. Compliant, Yuu took a seat, fumbling with the hem of his shirt nervously as he felt Yutaka’s intense stare on him.

“I’ll be right back,” Yutaka said, and left him alone with his thoughts as he walked into the kitchen. Tugging at his lower lip with his teeth relentlessly, Yuu tried to breathe as evenly as possible to calm himself, but his anxiety suffocated him steadily. His hands were trembling so badly, he tucked them between his thighs to try and calm them, but this was also to no avail.

He was a complete wreck.

“Here.”

Yuu looked up and at the bottle of beer Yutaka held out to him. With shaky fingers, he grabbed the bottle, and put it down on the coffee table, too afraid that he would spill his second beer tonight.

A beer bottle of his own in hand, Yutaka dropped down beside him, and again, Yuu felt his eyes upon him.

“I-“ he started, but his anxiety had his tongue in a knot, making it impossible for him to say another word. His inability to speak made him feel pathetic and weak, like someone who was unable to speak his mind about an unjust matter and therefore was doomed to let it happen over and over again. Which he would have loved to opt for if keeping quiet about it wouldn’t have made him feel even more miserable than he was already feeling. If he hadn’t needed to talk about it this desperately.

Yutaka rested his hand atop of Yuu’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You know that you can tell me everything, right?” Yuu nodded but remained silent. “What happened?” Yutaka asked softly. “Why did you freak out like that in the club? You looked so glum the very moment you walked into the restaurant, more so than usual, so I thought…” He huffed in frustration, and even though he wasn’t looking at him, Yuu could downright see him puff out his cheeks like an adorable child. “I thought you’d like to get something to drink, and to dance, you know? I thought you’d appreciate the company of a girl. I thought it’d cheer you up. Because I didn’t know what else to do, since you didn’t seem to wanna talk to me.” Yutaka laughed embarrassedly, then took a sip from his beer. “Guess I suck at being a friend, huh?”

Yuu’s head jerked up and appalled, he looked at Yutaka, not sure whether he had heard correctly. “What? No!” he exclaimed; the weight on his shoulders was threatening to crush him completely by now. The weight which consisted of all his remorse, all of his guilty conscience and his anxiety and which became unbearably heavy. “You’re not the bad friend,” he whispered, “I am.” He closed his eyes as he felt the tears burn in his eyes, and he bent forward to bury his face in his hands, which were still shaking tremendously. “I’ve been meaning to tell you all evening. Hell, I should’ve been honest with you so much sooner, but I… I couldn’t. I just couldn’t because I was afraid.” His lower lip started to tremble again, barely able to contain his tears of loneliness and fear. “I’m just so scared that you’ll hate me. I’m so scared to lose you,” he admitted, his voice growing hoarse as sobs tried to crawl their way up his throat.

“Yuu, no!” Yutaka sounded horrified, and again, he squeezed his shoulder. “I’d never hate you, you’re my best friend! I’ll always be here, no matter what. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Yuu’s shoulders slouched. He knew that Yutaka’s words were meant to reassure him; however, they caused him to feel even more anxious. Because he wanted to believe them so much that he was beyond scared they wouldn’t hold true after all. On the other hand, the torment of keeping everything to himself, of swallowing all of his feelings down continuously, drained him enormously. He couldn’t take it anymore. And he was just as scared of losing Yutaka if he continued to remain dishonest and silent as he was at the thought of losing him over the truth.

“I… I don’t know,” he commenced. “I don’t know why I freaked out so much when she touched me earlier. I… I guess I was afraid that she’d notice. That you’d notice.” His vision went blurry and he blinked repeatedly to get rid of the tears in his eyes. “I was afraid that you’d find out this way when I should’ve told you weeks ago.” He cast his eyes down onto his hands, which lay folded in his lap, still shaking as though he had tremors.

“You just said you’ve been meaning to tell me something tonight,” Yutaka spoke softly. “I’m sorry if my poor attempts at distracting you kept you from telling me. Please tell me now.” Yutaka’s tone wasn’t pushy; he wasn’t forcing Yuu to do this, he was encouraging him, reassuring him that it was okay to tell him. That it was okay to trust in him. To trust in his words.

It was what Yuu craved from the bottom of his heart. To trust his best friend, to finally trust himself to confide in him. To not run away from the truth like a coward anymore. To finally own up to who he really was, to hell with all the possible outcomes, to hell with all his fears.

Not trusting in its strength, his voice was but a mere whisper as Yuu eventually spoke again.

“I’m gay.”

Silence stretched between the two of them. Yuu didn’t dare look up at Yutaka, who remained silent as well, his hand frozen in place on Yuu’s shoulder. Panic started to flow through his whole body. A panic that threatened to devour him like some starved beast in a big action movie within minutes, and his heart hammered against his inner chest almost painfully. He still felt like choking, still felt as though he couldn’t breathe, as his confession dangled in the space between them. Immediately, he wished he could take back his words, rewind time and undo what he had done as fear paralyzed him. In this very moment, he wanted to die. He felt like being hit by a truck would have been far better than having to eventually deal with Yutaka’s reaction.

With his rejection.

“Yuu, look at me.”

Pressing his lips together in a thin line, Yuu shook his head as he fought back tears yet again. Yutaka surely did hate him now, no matter what he had said previously, there was just no other way. If he looked at him, then he would see the disgust on his face. He would call him things like _faggot_ , and then he would yell at him to leave his apartment, and to never bother him again.

“Yuu, please.”

When Yuu still didn’t budge, Yutaka sighed. The sound of glass hitting glass was heard as Yutaka put his beer bottle onto the coffee table. Then, he gently pushed at Yuu’s shoulder, forcing his upper body to turn around partly. Still, Yuu kept his eyes downcast, the fear and agony tearing at him in turns.

“Yuu, I’m begging you.”

At his distraught tone, Yuu finally lifted his head, vision blurry from the tears once again. Yutaka’s saddened expression took his breath away; he had expected anger or contempt, but not sadness.

“Yuu, you’re my best friend,” Yutaka started, telling him the exact same thing he had just told him minutes ago. “You’re more than that, you’re like my brother, and you know that. I love you. You’re one of the most important people in my life. And the fact that you like men doesn’t change any of that. You hear me? I don’t care whether you like men or women, and I’d never hate you because you’re gay. Not in a billion years.”

At the end of his little speech, tears started to stream down Yuu’s face. Though they were tears of relief, and not tears of despair like he had initially dreaded. “You really mean that?” he sniveled, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweatshirt in embarrassment. He hadn’t cried in front of Yutaka since their childhood days, but now, his emotions were simply too overwhelming to keep them in any longer. The levees were breaking and for once, Yuu was fine with it.

A bright smile appeared on Yutaka’s face. “Of course I do!” With that, he pulled Yuu into a tight hug, laughing and patting his back as Yuu shed more tears in his best friend’s embrace. Just when he had thought the weight would crush him beneath itself, Yutaka had appeared with a crane to lift it off of him, and help him breathe again.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled into his shoulder. “I should’ve told you so much sooner.”

Yutaka laughed again. “It’s fine, Yuu. I can’t even imagine what you must’ve gone through. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like to keep this to yourself. Thanks for telling me now.”

They unwound from their hug, and this time Yuu was successful in swallowing down his tears. Relieved, he cleaned his face with his sleeves once more. “Guess I’m the crybaby now, huh?” he joked, reminiscing about their high school times when Yutaka had often been submitted to ferocious bullying. He had been pretty small and scrawny for most of their school time, and in addition to that, loved cooking, so he had often ended up with a busted knee or elbow, or a bloody nose and wet, puffy eyes. And now, Yuu was the one crying his heart out for once.

“I won’t argue with that,” Yutaka grinned, and reached for his beer on the coffee table. He took another sip, and Yuu, whose hands had finally stopped shaking, followed his example. The alcohol helped put his body and mind at ease even more, and drag his relief out of the half-shade into the bright sunlight.

Yutaka’s face grew serious again as he contemplated something, and he rolled the bottle between the palms of his hands. “How long have you known? If you don’t mind me asking,” he said quietly, as though he was afraid to overstep his boundaries, which was very unusual of his extroverted nature.

Yuu stared off into the distance, feeling his stomach twist at the memories. “I don’t know,” he mused, another wave of anxiety hitting him at the thought of going into more detail about his struggles. However, the worst was already out in the open, so telling Yutaka about the rest should be child’s play in comparison, shouldn’t it?

“I guess I was kinda aware that something was… off with me for a long time. I was just too scared to admit the truth to myself. I wasn’t able to accept my sexuality for ages. Not until I met Takanori.” The last phrase was nothing more than a whisper, and Yuu felt his cheeks burn hotly at the confession. “He helped me a lot.”

Yutaka nodded in understanding. “Because he’s gay, too,” he added matter-of-factly. Then, his eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, hold on… does that mean… you and him…?”

He blushed even more deeply. “No. I mean, yes. I mean, not like that. Uhm, not the way you think…” he stammered, then he cringed at his own gibberish. “We’re… well, we’re just friends. Friends who, uhm… sleep together occasionally.” He rubbed his neck with his hand in embarrassment. Now he finally got to experience firsthand how Takanori must have felt when he had told Kouyou about them. Though being caught almost red-handed by his father had probably been the worst of it all, no matter how chill he had reacted in the end.

Yutaka’s eyes grew even wider, and he looked baffled for a moment, before a big grin stretched out on his face. “I see,” he smirked, winking at Yuu as he jabbed his side with his elbow. “Guess I’m not the only one who enjoys his freedom, hm?” he chuckled.

The shrug Yuu gave him was only half-hearted, and failed to convey the indifference he had meant to express. “Yeah, I guess so,” he mumbled. “Freedom. No strings attached. No commitment. No feelings. No complications. No nothing.” He felt his heart drop to his stomach, taking a big sip of his beer. And again, Takanori began to ghost through his mind. Takanori with pale cheeks, red nose and a bright smile as he visited him. Takanori who cradled Koron as they rode the elevator to get back to his apartment. Takanori who was asleep next to Yuu, looking utterly gorgeous and peaceful. Takanori whose eyes glinted with interest as Yuu taught him how to play the guitar. Takanori who snuggled up closely to him as he was riddled with chills and fever.

_Takanori. Takanori. Takanori._

“Oi, what’s wrong?” Yutaka asked silently. “You look so glum all of a sudden.”

Yuu sighed heavily, and his shoulders dropped again. “I screwed up, Yutaka. I screwed up so badly, and I don’t know what to do.”

Yutaka frowned. “Why? What’d you do?”

He inhaled deeply, feeling the weight of what he was about to say heavily on his tongue. Of what he was about to admit out loud for the very first time since he had realized it a few days ago.

“I think I… I think I fell in love with him.”

There. He had said it out loud. He had finally put a name to the demon’s face, to the feelings that had become too apparent to deny them any longer. He was head over heels for Takanori, and there was not a single thing he could do about it. Nothing but feel miserable because he full well knew that Takanori didn’t feel the same way. That he would never see him this way. That he would never approve of his feelings if he learnt about them.

The frown on Yutaka’s forehead deepened. “But isn’t that a good thing?” he asked. “Being in love is wonderful, shouldn’t you be happy about it?”

Yuu groaned in his frustration, burying his fingers in his hair to tug at the strands. If only he could pull out his thoughts about Takanori that way. If only he could simply erase him from his heart, and not have it race incessantly every time he so much as thought about him. “No, it’s the worst!” he pressed out, his voice panicky. “I told you about his ex, didn’t I? There’s no way he… He doesn’t wanna date anyone right now. He doesn’t want to become involved with anyone. He’d never… He’ll never see me that way.” Admitting these things hurt. Saying them out loud hurt. It hurt like hell, and it was almost unbearable. Yuu was about to go mad with the amount of times Takanori occupied his mind; it seemed as though he was thinking about him every waking hour.

Again, Yutaka’s hand found its way to Yuu’s shoulder. “Are you sure about this?” he whispered. “Are you sure he doesn’t feel the same way?”

It had to be true.

There was just no other way. No way in hell did Takanori feel remotely the same way about him. “He made it clear on countless occasions that he doesn’t want to be in any sort of relationship right now. _Fuck!_ ” Yuu tugged at his strands even more forcefully than before. “I don’t know what to do. I know I should just pretend like nothing changed, but I don’t know whether I can do it. What’s even worse, I don’t know whether I really want to pretend like nothing changed. Whether I really want to keep quiet about my feelings for him. But I also…” His arms dropped to his sides where they dangled feebly as though all life had been drained from them. “I’m afraid of what he’ll do if he finds out. Fuck, I’m so afraid of losing him.” Oh how he had screwed up. He had screwed up in the worst way imaginable, and he didn’t know what to do because he had never been in love before. He had never felt this intensely about anyone before, had never been scared of losing them this way. The fear of losing Yutaka had been a completely different one, so he couldn’t even compare those two situations.

“Shit.” Yutaka grabbed his bottle again, took a small sip and leant against the backrest of the couch. “I’m sorry.” He fell silent for a while as he thought about what Yuu had told him, the frown creasing his forehead more and more. “This really is a nice dilemma you got yourself into. I wish I could tell you something more uplifting, but there’s not much you can do besides either tell him or keep quiet.” He threw a side-glance at Yuu. “You really think him returning your feelings is out of the question?” Yuu nodded with a pained expression. Yutaka scratched his head absent-mindedly. “I guess that rules out telling him then.” He ruffed his hair with a discontent grunt, as though he was personally responsible for getting Yuu into this mess. “I don’t know. I get that you don’t want to lose what you guys have, but you also have to think about what that means for you in the long run, ya know? Especially if the chances are zero that he’ll ever return your feelings.”

Yuu bent forward to seize his bottle and took a huge gulp from his beer. “I don’t know. Maybe my feelings for him will just go away again if I do nothing?” he whispered, incapable of hiding his own uncertainty about this approach.

Yutaka studied him intently, then shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to just ignore your feelings and wait for them to go away. I don’t think it’ll work, and I’m afraid you’d just get hurt in the process. Sure, you’d make certain that things remained the same between you guys, but at what cost?” He huffed in frustration, and dropped his head onto the backrest to stare at the ceiling.

“What options do I have, then?” Yuu murmured, feeling his chest tighten at the forlorn prospects.

“Well, you could either tell him how you feel and see how he reacts,” Yutaka commenced, holding up his index finger. “Who knows? Maybe you’re wrong and he does have feelings for you as well?” Then, he added a second finger. “Or you could keep quiet about it, continue as though nothing happened, and hope that your feelings will go away eventually.” He grimaced at that option, and quickly added a third finger. “Or you could start to keep your distance from him to try and prevent yourself from further heartache. If not end things between you altogether.”

Yuu winced at the possibilities. “So I either tell him and get dumped by him, or I don’t tell him and secretly wish for things I can never have in order to keep what I _can_ have. Or I dump him myself?” he summed up his options. Despair crawled up his throat like bile at the reality of his hopeless circumstances.

With a distorted expression, Yutaka slowly nodded.

Propping up his head with his hand by pressing his palm against his forehead, Yuu uttered a humorless laugh. The painful sting in his heart was starting to tear him apart from the inside – he felt like he was being eaten alive by a huge predator named agony, before it would spit out part after part of him once it was done feasting on him. If only there was even the slightest chance that Takanori returned his feelings. If only there was the slightest chance of this not ending in disaster and heartbreak for him.

“So no matter what I do, I can’t win?”

Yutaka looked down at his hands in shame, which was the only reply Yuu was going to get from him.

If only he had never fallen in love with Takanori in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting the new year with some nice prospects for Yuu, lol~ Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed (or not) and I wish you all a Happy New Year!
> 
> Again, not sure when the next chap will be uploaded, since January is very packed, and I'm not sure I'll have the energy to edit and upload new chaps. But I hope so. Read you guys~


	29. Chapter 29

Taking in the smell of coffee that stemmed from the cup in his hand, Takanori happily pushed the door to his office open with his hip. It had taken him over a week to recover from his cold, and the urge to function like a normal human being again had been growing stronger each second he hadn’t been able to smell or taste or sleep properly. He didn’t even mind going back to work, since it meant that he was feeling better again.

It also meant seeing Yuu again.

Smiling, Takanori looked at Yuu, who was seated on the couch, his nose buried in some files. Too preoccupied with work, he hadn’t even noticed him enter, which meant that he could sneak up on him and maybe give him a little scare in the process.

“Boo!” Takanori called as he dropped down beside him. Just like he had hoped, Yuu startled extremely, uttering a quiet shriek of terror as he dropped the file case into his lap.

“Geez, you fucking scared me!” he murmured, blushing deeply in embarrassment.

Takanori grinned. How he had missed this. How he had missed fooling around with Yuu, and making him blush in this endearing manner. He was grateful for the times Yuu had swung by to check up on him – he had visited him even more frequently than Kouyou had. And he had been happy to see Yuu’s face each time, no matter how drowsily and exhausted he had felt from the cold. He had even been too exhausted to panic about the state his cold had left him in. And the realization that Yuu hadn’t cared at all was still prone to make him blush if he thought too much about it.

But he couldn’t deny that he had missed him.

That he had missed to be close to him.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” he chuckled, in too much of a good mood to let Yuu’s pout pull him down; no matter how cute it was.

Clearing his throat, Yuu nervously fumbled with the file on his lap. “Uh, sorry. How are you feeling?” he whispered, but he refrained from looking at Takanori, which caused him to frown.

“Much better,” he sighed. “It was about time that I got back up on my feet. I got seriously bored at home. Being all by myself and all that.” He leaned over, dragging his index finger over Yuu’s thigh, which had him shudder at the touch. But not only that; like a scalded cat, he withdrew from his touch, scooping an inch away from him.

Frowning, Takanori pulled his hand back. He was used to Yuu blushing or shivering at his words and touches; however he wasn’t used to him avoiding them. Had their week without sex transformed him back into a scaredy-cat that was too afraid to get touchy with someone of his own sex?

“You alright?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.

“Uh-huh.” Yuu did not only avoid his touches, but also his gaze. What the hell was wrong with him? Or was Takanori just imagining things? Had something happened while he had been out of it, something he wasn’t aware of?

He took a sip of his coffee, then placed the mug on the table. “You sure? You’re acting kinda weird.”

Restlessly, Yuu’s fingers started to skim through the pages of his file without him so much as looking at it. Or at Takanori. “I have no clue what you’re talking about. I’m fine.” His voice was meek and shaky, everything but convincing.

Takanori’s frown deepened. Something was definitely off about Yuu’s behavior, he wasn’t simply imagining things. And his refusal to even look at him planted a seemingly insignificant little seed within him. A seed of anxiety, which quickly took root inside of him and began to grow. Trying to push the feeling away that Yuu’s strange behavior had been caused by something he had done, Takanori leaned over to him. “Don’t make me take drastic actions to get it out of you,” he hummed into his ear, thereby running his fingertips over Yuu’s thigh again. “Because I might enjoy it a little too much.”

Again, Yuu shivered. Again, he flinched as though Takanori’s touches left a burning trail on his skin. Again, he tried to bring some distance between them by turning around so that he faced Takanori head-on.

“I’m telling you, I’m fine,” he almost hissed, his voice agitated and his expression glum. Not even the blush on his cheeks managed to liven up his features.

“Okay, what the fuck is wrong?” Takanori growled, dropping his teasing act. He didn’t like to admit it, but Yuu’s weird behavior irritated him. More than that, his withdrawal from his advances hurt. Greatly so. He had thought that Yuu had missed their little antics just as much as he had. “You’re seriously acting weird, so please just tell me what happened.” That _something_ had transpired without Takanori’s knowledge was pretty damn obvious by now. He just needed to find out what exactly it was.

Fidgeting with the file in his lap, Yuu bit down on his lower lip. Then, he sighed in defeat. “I told Yutaka the truth,” he finally explained.

Takanori’s eyes widened. That was truly not what he had expected. “You told him you’re gay?”

Yuu nodded, grimacing again as though he had bitten down on the bitterest lemon in existence.

His heart sank to his stomach as he combined his mood with what he had told him just now. “He didn’t take it well,” he assumed with a whisper.

“No, that’s not it.” Yuu shook his head. And finally, he looked at Takanori, a deep sadness visible in his dark eyes. “Actually, quite the opposite. He’s totally okay with it. It’s just that…” He leaned against the backrest with his shoulder, casting his gaze down into Takanori’s lap. But it seemed like Yuu saw through him, too caught up in his own thoughts. “His reaction, it was unlike anything I dreaded. And I’m fucking relieved about it, but at the same time…” He sighed again, then shrugged dismissively as though they were talking about the weather and not about him coming out to his best friend. “It just made me feel so incredibly stupid.”

The frown found its way back onto Takanori’s forehead. “Why would it make you feel stupid?” This didn’t make even a bit of sense.

“Because of how fucking scared I was of how he would react. Because I was so convinced that he would hate me. What does that say about me if I only expected the worst of him?”

Gently, Takanori grabbed his hand. Too caught up in his self-blame, Yuu didn’t even notice, which gave him the opportunity to give his hand a reassuring squeeze. “It was your anxiety speaking. That’s got nothing to do with who you are as a person, you hear me?” Again, he squeezed his hand.

Jerking out of his thoughts, Yuu looked at him. Then, he seemed to become aware of Takanori holding his hand as his gaze fell down. He watched his cheeks blush before Yuu quickly yanked his hand away. A painful sting spread in his chest, and his hand fell limp on the couch cushion between the two of them.

“M-Maybe. But I still feel stupid. Stupid and guilty. I should’ve told him so much earlier. I should’ve trusted him so much earlier,” he objected, pretending like he hadn’t just rejected Takanori without rhyme or reason.

_What was really going on with Yuu?_

He seemed like a totally different person. No, more like the shy Yuu he had met, who was too scared to admit to his own sexuality, his own cravings. But this time, it didn’t make an ounce of sense to him. Because they were well past those difficulties, right?

“Well, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Kou for over seven months, so who’s the stupid one of us?” He had meant to cheer Yuu up with his words, but the weird way in which he acted was starting to affect Takanori as well. It was starting to pull him down, too, so his words came out somber instead of teasing. Which didn’t keep him from briefly reminiscing about the stormy night in which he had finally confessed the truth to Kouyou.

It had been at one of their countless sleepovers, when he had been unable to keep things under wraps anymore. His first boyfriend had asked him to keep quiet about their relationship, since he had feared his image would be ruined if word got out that he was gay. While Takanori had been insecure about his own, new-discovered homosexuality as well, the sneaking-around and secrecy had driven him to the brink of madness. So one night, slumped on a futon next to Kouyou’s bed, he had cracked. Words and tears had broken out in streams as he had confessed everything to his best friend, feeling utterly ashamed and guilty.

And Kouyou?

Kouyou had scooped over to him, had taken him in his arms and cradled him like a little child. He had refused to accept Takanori’s countless apologies, for there had been “nothing to apologize for”. Then, he had uttered the most unbelievable words that night. Something that had even been more baffling than Takanori had thought his own confessions to be.

_I know._

Those words still rang clear in his mind whenever he thought back to that stormy night. _I know. I have known for a while now._ Those were the words which Kouyou had whispered while he had continued to comfort Takanori. And then, he had explained to him how he had been aware of Takanori’s homosexuality for several months before he had told him. And that he was totally fine with it.

So Takanori knew.

He knew exactly how it felt to give one’s best friend less credit than they deserved. He also knew the shame and the guilt of not being able to tell them the truth. He had experienced all of this himself.

But he also knew that there was not much to forgive either. Kouyou had told him so over and over again. “I’m sure Yutaka doesn’t take any offense at that,” he mused. Though Yuu might have to hear those words from Yutaka, and not from him. “It’s not easy to tell someone you’re close to that you’re gay. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” It had been even tougher to open up to his parents, who, unlike Kouyou, hadn’t suspected the slightest thing. His mother had looked as though she had seen a ghost when he had finally told them. Though luckily, they had begun to fully accept him the way he was after a short adjustment period. Now, they were just as much at peace with it as he was.

“I know that it’s dumb,” Yuu murmured.

“It’s not dumb, it’s simply how you feel.”

Yuu still didn’t look convinced at his words. And he still didn’t look happy. His face was the same glum mask that it had been before, leaving Takanori under the impression that there was something he was missing even now. Something he didn’t want to talk about with him, which had his stomach in a knot. Normally, they could talk about everything. Granted, in the beginning Takanori had been reluctant to open up to Yuu, but he had thought that they had advanced to another level of their acquaintance. Of their friendship. A level at which they didn’t keep things from one another, no matter how ugly those things were. No matter how difficult it was to talk about them.

And there really wasn’t much he could think of that could have stood in between the two of them. He wasn’t even sure whether it was still related to Yutaka. Or had Yuu come out to anyone else, and it had ended badly? Was that it? Or was it something else entirely?

Plus, there was one more question that burned at the back of Takanori’s mind. “Have you told him about us?” he asked almost warily. As though he was afraid of the answer. Which was ridiculous. Yutaka was fine with Yuu being gay, and he also seemed to like Takanori a lot, so why would he react badly to them sleeping together? There was absolutely no logical reason for his heart to beat this incessantly as he dreaded the answer, not even knowing what exactly he was afraid of.

Yuu shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his eyes wandered from Takanori’s lap to the opposite wall without looking at Takanori’s face for even a second.

His words made Takanori’s heart freeze over.

“No, I didn’t.”

He didn’t even know why it stung so badly. He didn’t even know why he flinched at Yuu’s words as though he had been punched in the guts. He didn’t know why it hurt him so much, when Yuu had asked him to keep things a secret from the get-go. He had always meant to keep quiet about it, and Takanori hadn’t minded at all. So why was it different now?

_Because now, Yutaka knew._

Yuu had been too afraid to tell anyone about them because he had been unable to open up about his sexuality. But now that Yutaka knew, Takanori hadn’t expected Yuu to keep their relationship – or their arrangement, or whatever they were supposed to call it – a secret any longer. At least not to him. “Y-You didn’t?” he breathed. “Oh. I, uhm… I just thought… I thought you guys might’ve talked about us as well.”

As soon as the words were out, he felt pathetic. Why did it bother him so much that Yuu hadn’t told Yutaka? He surely had his reasons. Good, understandable reasons.

The humorless laugh Yuu uttered made him catch his breath anxiously. Yuu’s face was an emotionless mask as he spoke again, his voice rang coldly in his ears. “There’s not much to talk about, is there?” He got up from his seat, file in his hand as he still refused to look at Takanori. “I mean, it’s not like were dating or anything, right?”

A sharp pain shot through his heart, and he swallowed thickly. Totally stupefied by his words, he felt as though someone had started to strangulate him. All of a sudden, it became incredibly difficult for him to breathe properly; every breath his constricted chest took was agonizing and burnt in his lungs.

He didn’t find his voice again until Yuu had reached the office door. And even then, it was nothing more than a broken whisper.

“Right.”

 

* * *

 

Panting, Yuu pulled out of Takanori, and slumped onto the mattress next to him. He snuck a clandestine glance his way, feeling his heartrate pick up as he took the sight of Takanori in. He looked utterly stunning this way; messy hair that stuck to his sweaty skin, dark eyelashes that caressed his reddened cheeks each time he blinked.

God, how much Yuu loved it when he was coming undone beneath him. When he screamed his name as he was shaken by the utmost feeling of pleasure during his orgasm. When he tried to catch his breath and calm his excited body, just like Yuu did.

If only any of this meant anything to him.

If only it meant the same to him as it did to Yuu.

If only his whole body was flooded with a feeling of warmth that was totally unrelated to their physical activities.

If only he reciprocated his feelings.

And if only Yuu could simply move on from him. If only he wasn’t so fucking addicted to him, if only he wasn’t so utterly in love with him that he couldn’t stand the idea of not being able to touch Takanori like this anymore. To kiss him like this anymore. Even though every touch seemed to burn him just like the sun had burnt Icarus’s wings, even though every touch scorched his skin like fire.

It was better than feeling cold and alone.

No matter how much it hurt to touch and kiss Takanori, when he was full well aware that it didn’t mean anything to him. If sex was the only time he was able to truly be close to him, then Yuu would do a damn to strip himself of this opportunity. Even though he felt like a traitor, sleeping around with Takanori while he had no idea what Yuu truly craved.

For his heart to belong to him as well.

Feeling the painful sting in his heart, Yuu closed his eyes to even out his breath. The last two days had been hell. Ever since Takanori had come back into work, Yuu had been feeling as though he was treading on a minefield, always threatening to step on one of the mines and blow himself up. Always scared that any of his looks, any of his words would give himself away. Always scared that he wouldn’t be able to take one of Takanori’s casual touches anymore, and ruin everything.

So he avoided him as much as possible. If he could help it, he tried to not be in a room alone with him anymore. He also tried to avoid them touching as meticulously as he could manage, he tried so fucking hard to not look at Takanori for too long as though Kouyou was ever-present and he had to fear to get decapitated by him if he stared too much.

It was torture. But it was the only thing Yuu had been able to come up with to try and keep what they had, and not lose Takanori. The only thing he could think of to keep him from finding out about his true feelings. The only thing he could think of to try and get over his dumb feelings for Takanori.

Because they were meant to be nothing but casual. Nothing but friends with benefits.

Nothing but fuckbuddies.

And fuckbuddies didn’t cuddle with each other. They didn’t hold each other after sex. They didn’t touch occasionally, and they didn’t exchange tender kisses. At least not if they weren’t fucking each other.

That was what Yuu was holding onto. What he was striving to get back to. Because maybe, just maybe, he could fix what he had screwed up this way. Maybe he could make his feelings go away, and get their arrangement back on track. Because he really didn’t look forward to experiencing how ugly a full-blown heartbreak felt like firsthand.

Feeling his body get drowsy after the exertion he had submitted it to during their round of sex, Yuu sat up with a grunt. It had taken him two days to actually steel his nerves enough to dare come over to Takanori’s place and submit to his longings; he had been too afraid of getting too close to him. Because what if he gave himself away by accident?

“Whatcha doing?” Takanori mumbled sleepily, and Yuu bit down on his lower lip in shame.

He wanted to do nothing more than drop back onto the mattress next to him, to breathe in his scent and hold him close while they drifted off to sleep. But he knew he couldn’t allow himself to surrender to his deepest, darkest desires. He knew he couldn’t allow himself to stay.

So he pushed off the bed, and hastily began dressing himself.

“Yuu?” Takanori’s voice wasn’t sleepy anymore, but almost panicky. “Yuu, what are you doing?”

Forcing himself to not look at Takanori, to blend out his hurt tone, he zipped up his pants before he pulled his shirt over his head. “I’m leaving,” he breathed, too afraid to speak the words out loud.

“Wait what?” Yuu saw him starting to untangle his legs from the blanket he had shoved his feet beneath, and panic gripped his heart. He couldn’t deal with this. He just needed to get out of here, needed to fix things between them, reshape them until they were _right_ again.

“See you in the morning.” His voice broke just as he had finished the sentence, and he felt his heart crack agonizingly at the mere thought of leaving Takanori behind like that. But he had to. He had to endure this little heartache, had to fight against what his heart begged him to do, and ignore his guilty conscience. He simply had to if he wanted to prevent his heart from shattering into a thousand pieces.

He had to in order to protect himself.

With his insides protesting loudly and ferociously, and his heart screaming in agony, he stormed out of the apartment.

 

 

Dumbfounded and numb, Takanori stared at the door to his bedroom that had fallen shut only seconds ago.

What the hell had just happened?

Why the hell had Yuu just upped and left this way?

Had he done something wrong?

Feeling a familiar emptiness spread within him, Takanori wrapped his blanket around his naked body. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t, for the life of him, grasp what was going on with Yuu. Ever since he had gotten back after his cold, Yuu had acted strangely towards him. He avoided him like the plague whenever he could, he refused to touch him or look at him. He wouldn’t even talk to him about it. And now he had just left after they finally had had sex again. It hadn’t bugged Takanori that he had been without sex for over a week, what had bugged him was the fact that Yuu had found some excuses the previous two nights to not have to go home with him.

Now that he had, Takanori had thought that maybe whatever had bothered Yuu had finally resolved itself. That maybe he had simply been sexually frustrated and starved like he had been. Or that he had imagined all these things to begin with. That Yuu wasn’t distancing himself from him. That he wasn’t behaving as though he couldn’t stand to be around him for too long. That the fact that he hadn’t told Yutaka about them wasn’t as grave as he had first thought it to be.

Because he was fucking naïve.

He had simply hoped for those problems to dissolve into thin air. Because he had thought that Yuu was different. And now, he behaved so utterly weird that Takanori was at a loss of what to do. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. All he knew was that it hurt like hell. It hurt like hell how weirdly Yuu had begun to treat him out of the blue. It hurt like hell how he had fucked him, only to disappear on him right afterwards.

Like he was nothing but another one-night-stand.

Shivering after his body had cooled down, he wrapped the blanket around his body even tighter. Pulling his knees to his chest, Takanori wrapped his arms around his legs. He didn’t understand anything anymore. Yuu and him had been so close only days ago. He had been so happy whenever he had shown up at his place to check up on him, and Yuu had seemed just as happy.

And all of a sudden, Yuu seemed like a totally different person.

Like he had realized something that he didn’t like at all.

And Takanori didn’t even have the slightest clue what that something was. What he had done to make Yuu want to distance himself from him like this. What made Yuu despise his immediate proximity unless he was fucking him.

Had he been wrong all this time? Had Yuu finally grown tired of him? Had he finally had enough? Had he come to the conclusion that Takanori was too bothersome, a nuisance that he much rather get rid of as soon as possible? Was he just too polite to tell him so head-on, and was now trying to retreat piece by piece, little by little, step by step? Had he found someone else? Someone better?

Or had he never truly cared about him in the first place?

Feeling himself drown in a sea of crippling self-doubts yet again, Takanori rolled into a ball on the mattress. He hugged his knees tightly, pressing them against his torso as closely as he possibly could. And though his curled up position helped warm his freezing body somewhat, it was highly insufficient to chase away the coldness within him. He just didn’t understand at all. Things were starting to fall apart in front of his very eyes, and he had no idea how to make it stop. He had no idea how to glue things back together. He didn’t even understand what had been broken to begin with.

He knew that he shouldn’t even get this affected by Yuu’s weird, cold behavior; he knew that it shouldn’t matter to him at all. He knew that it shouldn’t be an issue, knew that Yuu not staying after sex shouldn’t faze him in the slightest. No matter the fact that they had become friends in the meanwhile. It was irrational and stupid.

However, sleep wouldn’t come for a long time as he lay awake in his huge bed all by himself, his rational mind losing a fight against the overwhelming anxiety in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long. Idk, I somehow lacked motivation to edit and upload the chap. But my friend gave me a much needed push (thank you, Milo!), and I finally did it. I wanna thank you guys so much for your continued support again. It means the world to me ♥


	30. Chapter 30

Sheltering his face from the icy wind with the collar of his coat, Takanori pushed the door to the restaurant open. He looked around the restaurant, which was well crowded but not overbearingly so, and his gaze fell upon the table he usually occupied.

They usually occupied.

Feeling a wave of nausea wash over him, he approached another table at the far end of the seating area, and dropped down on one of the comfortable chairs. He slid his coat and scarf off, and pulled out his phone to distract himself until the waitress tended to him.

It felt weird to be here by himself. It felt weird to not have Yuu around, to not have him accompany him here during their lunch break. And he felt the sting of disappointment in his heart as he thought back to the situation that had taken place between them only minutes before he had left for lunch.

Anxiously, if not to say reluctantly, he had tried to ask Yuu whether he would join him to get lunch at Yutaka’s restaurant. He hadn’t even gotten the name of his best friend out when Yuu had brushed him off. He hadn’t even been able to finish his sentence before he had hastily told him how he had other plans for his lunch, and how he wouldn’t accompany Takanori this time. All the while he had refused to look at him once again.

His weird behavior sat ill with Takanori. Greatly so. For one, he still had no fucking clue what Yuu’s problem was. Two, he was more than hurt about the way Yuu behaved. He had run out on him once again the previous night after they had slept together, and even though Takanori had dreaded it already, it had still hurt extremely. And yet, he had still not gotten over his anxiety to ask Yuu what was going on with him.

He was too scared of the answer.

“Huh, where’s Yuu?”

Takanori looked up into Yutaka’s quizzical expression, and he sighed in defeat. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “He told me he had something else to do.” It took everything out of him to swallow down the _something better_ to not make matters worse. Instead, he shrugged, and then grimaced. It was tough enough to keep up the farce with other people, but seeing Yutaka only served as a further reminder of Yuu’s odd behavior.

_No, I didn’t._

Of how much it had hurt to hear him say these words out loud.

Yutaka frowned at his words. “Huh? That’s weird. You okay?” he murmured as he caught on with his miserable mood. He sat down opposite Takanori, handing him the menu he didn’t really need anymore. They had spent a great many lunches at Yutaka’s place, and by now he knew almost the whole menu by heart, just like Yuu did. He loved Yutaka’s food, and he had taken a great liking to Yutaka as well. He was nice, outgoing but also very gentle and caring.

Which he showed as he regarded Takanori sympathetically, picking up on his bad mood but not knowing the source of it.

Part of Takanori became angry when he looked at Yutaka. Not angry at him – God forbid. Yutaka hadn’t done anything wrong. He became angry at Yuu. At him not telling his best friend about them. About him acting so fucking weird out of the blue as though Takanori was public enemy number one. And he truly didn’t know what he had done to deserve this unflattering title.

He pulled out a pack of cigarettes – ever since their visit at the karaoke bar he had slowly fallen back into bad habits – and sighed again. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied, then lit one of the cigarettes. “Just a bit overworked.” Well, it wasn’t entirely wrong, because Yuu’s weird behavior was literally overworking him. It preoccupied his mind, and it kept him awake at night. He just couldn’t make sense of the shift in his behavior at all. But he felt also guilty for lying to Yutaka like this.

He blew out the smoke in frustration, all the while Yutaka watched him meticulously. “You still look a bit pale,” he commented worriedly. “Have you recovered from your cold?”

His genuine concern made Takanori feel a bit better, and he smiled at him. “I’m better, thanks.” He was truly feeling better in that regard; he didn’t feel sick at the thought of food anymore, and he also wasn’t coughing his lungs out anymore when he so much as took a small drag from a cigarette. Though the complications with Yuu truly sat like a knot in his stomach.

However, the thought of Yutaka’s visit warmed him up from the inside just like the noodle soup he had brought over the other day. He had been so worried about Takanori, had nursed him the whole time he had stayed that noon, and had put a genuine smile on his face more than once. It had felt incredible to have someone care for him so dearly.

He had thought that Yuu was the same.

Alas, now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Your soup helped a lot, by the way,” he said, trying to distract himself from the painful thoughts.

Yutaka’s smile was bright, and Takanori felt somewhat better about his guilty conscience. He tapped the ash off his cigarette, and took another drag. The taste helped him calm his nerves a bit, though it didn’t make the hole in his heart disappear.

He looked up questioningly when he felt Yutaka’s gaze on his hand, and saw him frown at the sight of the cigarette between his fingers. “Guess Yuu rubbed off on you with that, huh?” he mused, and the frown on his forehead deepened. “I always hated that he’s smoking, but he just won’t quit. It’s the worst. And now you started with this unhealthy shit as well.” He threw his arms up, took a deep breath and then scratched his head in embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to explode in your face like this.”

Takanori laughed half-heartedly. “You didn’t, don’t worry. I appreciate your concern. And Yuu didn’t really get me into smoking.” His name felt like a bitter pill on his tongue, and Takanori bit down on the inside of his cheek briefly to keep himself from grimacing. “I used to smoke as well. I guess I’m the one who got me into smoking again.” He hesitated for a second, but remembered that Yuu had confessed to him how he had more or less told Yutaka about Akira. “Or my ex, if you want.” He felt a sour taste on his tongue once more, but weirdly enough it wasn’t as bad as the taste Yuu had left. Maybe because Yuu’s misdeeds were fresher in his memories.

“Oh, I see.” Yutaka’s face fell, as did his gaze. He interlaced his fingers and stared down onto his hands as though he had done something wrong. “Sorry,” he whispered, and Takanori frowned.

“What are you apologizing for?”

Yutaka shrugged. “I don’t know. About your ex, I guess? I… Yuu told me about him. Well, not much. He only told me that you guys went through a bad break-up, is all. I guess I’m sorry for bringing him up.” Halfway through his speech, he had started to twiddle his thumbs, and by the end of it, he was pressing them against each other with as much force at he could muster up until they grew dark-red.

Takanori rested the cigarette in the ashtray to seize Yutaka’s hands and get him to stop torturing his thumbs. “It’s okay,” he reassured him. “I’m not mad at you or anything, please don’t worry about it. If anything, I appreciate your concern. I really do. It’s not a big deal anymore, he’s in the past now.” How could it still be a big deal if Yuu was the one occupying his mind the whole time now? If Yuu was the one making him hurt on the inside with the way he treated him? It was certainly more than enough, and even Takanori’s mind seemed to have its limits. Because luckily, it didn’t choose to torture him with too many agonizing feelings about Akira in addition to the bullshit Yuu had been putting him through the last few days.

“Ah, I’m keeping you from ordering your meal!” Yutaka exclaimed in horror, and rubbed the back of his head in an endearing manner that made him appear like a little child.

Takanori picked his cigarette back up, and smiled mildly. Yutaka was too sweet for his own good, a true ray of sunshine that made him feel warm and welcomed. Part of him felt like asking him about Yuu, about bringing his strange behavior up to him, but he felt like a traitor for even considering this. Yutaka was Yuu’s best friend, and it made him feel bad about the urge to confide in him. To question him about Yuu. Plus, even with how weird Yuu acted, Takanori still didn’t want to betray his trust, and break his promise. If Yuu hadn’t told Yutaka about them, then Takanori wouldn’t do it either.

He had no right to do so.

 _Plus, it’s not like we’re dating, now is it?_ he thought sardonically, another stab at his heart freezing the smile on his lips.

“Has anyone ever told you that you worry too much?” he breathed, unable to raise his voice above a whisper as he felt the sharp sting in his chest. Why did it still matter so much to him whether Yuu had told Yutaka about them or not? It was irrational and stupid.

“Maybe once or twice,” Yutaka mumbled, and blushed in embarrassment. Then, the smile returned to his face; he seemed to be oblivious to Takanori’s inner turmoil. “Though I’m happy to hear you say that! You had me real’ scared the other day when you… you know.” He waved with his hand almost dismissively, as though he was wiping the memory of Takanori losing his composure on their karaoke night. (Takanori was more than willing to forget about this unfavorable side of his he had presented that night.) “So I’m really happy that you’re feeling better now. I’m happy that Yuu was there to take care of you. And that you two take care of each other. You know, I’m just really glad that, hm… that he has you.” He laughed sheepishly.

Takanori breathed out the smoke. “What exactly are you getting at?” he asked warily before he could stop himself. Yutaka’s words were sweet, sure, but they also seemed rather odd. As though he was insinuating something – which was absolutely ridiculous given the fact that he didn’t know about the two of them.

“Ehh… what I was trying to say was, uhm… Well, I’m totally cool with that little thing you guys have going on, and-“

Takanori dropped the cigarette into the ashtray. _“He told you?!”_ he pressed out, an iron-clad fist crushing his heart to pieces. His thoughts began to spin in his head, and he felt nauseous again. Yutaka’s surprised face at his outburst was like a punch to his guts. The guilt written over his face choked him until Takanori felt as though he couldn’t breathe properly anymore.

Yuu had told him after all.

And then, he had lied to Takanori about it.

“What’s wrong?” Yutaka sounded panicky, just as upset as Takanori felt. “I... Was I not supposed to know this?”

“No, that’s not it,” Takanori whispered with a hoarse voice. Hell, he wouldn’t have minded if Yuu had told him. _That_ he had told him. What bothered him was that he had lied to him about it. Just another thing that didn’t add up. Why the fuck was Yuu acting so strange? Why the fuck did it feel like he was distancing himself more and more, when Takanori was still clueless about why he did it? Or what he had done to cause Yuu to retreat like this?

Everything had seemed normal until he had caught a cold. No, even back then everything had been normal. They had bickered and flirted around like usual whenever Yuu had visited. Things had started to feel off after…

_… after he had told Yutaka._

But the way Yutaka acted didn’t seem like he had done anything to change Yuu’s behavior so drastically either. If anything, his guilty expression convinced Takanori that he had nothing to do with this. That he didn’t have the slightest clue which kind of ramifications his words had caused. That he didn’t know what was wrong.

“Takanori?” His voice was quiet. Careful. Hesitating.

He hadn’t even realized that he had bit down on his bottom lip with full force. Only now did he taste the blood in his mouth. Only now did he loosen his jaw and release his abused lip. His voice felt cold, and it sounded like it was coming from somewhere else, somewhere far away. “He told me he hadn’t told you. He told me you didn’t know about us.

“He lied to me.”

 

* * *

 

With a frustrated groan, Yuu switched off the TV, and threw the remote at the other end of the couch in a fit of anger.

He felt like shit.

He felt like shit for treating Takanori so poorly. He felt like shit for declining attempt after attempt of him trying to get close to Yuu, of him trying to get them to spend more time together. He felt like shit for bailing on him after every time they slept together. He hated it so fucking much, but he simply didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t see another solution to his whole dilemma in which he came out unscathed. If he didn’t reduce their level of intimacy, if he didn’t retreat emotionally as well as physically from Takanori, then he would truly be doomed.

Of course he knew that breaking things off with him would have been the simplest solution. However, even the thought of telling Takanori they were over, to end their arrangement, made his chest tighten, which seemed to rob him of his ability to breathe properly. No matter which other options he considered, they all left him feeling even more broken, more hurt and more desperate. He was far too afraid to lose Takanori. He had never been in love before, and the thought of losing every positive emotion attributed with this was simply overwhelming. He didn’t want to lose the warmth he felt whenever he looked at Takanori – not like this.

If only his feelings would simply go away on their own again.

But he knew that they would only deepen if he didn’t at least keep his emotional distance from Takanori, no matter how shitty it made him feel. It was better than facing the other option – breaking things up with him definitely.

Because he was still convinced that Takanori would never reciprocate his feelings. That he would never agree to give them a shot. That he would never agree to date him properly. He was still hung up on his ex. Akira had left his heart too scarred for him to agree to enter another relationship only months after their break-up. He had been very clear about the casualness of their fling, and the fact that they had become friends didn’t change any of it. If anything, Yuu was a fool if he confused their amicable bond with romantic feelings. Takanori might have cared about him as a friend, but he surely wasn’t in love with him.

Yuu was sure about it; the chances that Takanori had any feelings for him, or that he would act upon them, were practically non-existent. And he truly wanted to save himself the humiliation of confessing to him only to be turned down. And worse, maybe lose him both as a friend and a lover in the process.

“ _Fuck!”_ With a groan, Yuu sat up from his slouching position, and ruffed his hair in frustration. He had always wanted to experience the ominous, wonderful feeling of love firsthand. He had always hoped to fall in love with a pretty woman, back when he had still been in denial. He hadn’t much thought about this ever since he had met Takanori. Sure, every now and then he had wondered what it would feel like to be in a real relationship with another man. He had wondered whether it would be exactly the same as being with a woman, or whether there were any significant differences. However, being with Takanori had kept him from thinking about this issue for too long. It had felt like he had had everything he had needed.

And in the end, he had gotten more than he had bargained for.

The ferocious ringing of his doorbell startled him out of his dreadful thoughts.

With a nervous fluttering in his stomach that told him to not answer the door, he pushed himself off the couch, and trotted to the door. Anxiously, he pushed down the door handle, just as the late night visitor abused the doorbell once more. “Alright, alright!” Yuu mumbled with a grimace as the obnoxious ringing echoed in his ears.

He opened the door to a pair of angrily glinting eyes. _“I’ve had it with your bullshit, Shiroyama!”_ Takanori hissed. With a determined shove, he pushed the door open with more force than Yuu had anticipated, and it bounced back, slamming against his forehead in the process.

“Wha-“ he wanted to utter as a stinging pain shot through his skull, but he was cut off by Takanori’s raised voice as he entered his apartment, causing Yuu to retreat back further into the spacious living room.

_“Why the fuck did you lie to me?!”_

Yuu flinched at the finite sound of the door falling shut behind Takanori, which loudly sealed his fate, as his eyes widened. His heart skipped a beat. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.

“What do you mean?” he whispered, feeling a numbness spread from his heart allover his body, until he had even forgotten about the throbbing pain in his head. His heartbeat began to accelerate, and anxiety started to crawl up his legs.

“You know _exactly_ what I mean!” Takanori spat out in anger. His hands, which were shaking due to his wrath, clenched to fists, and his eyes were narrowed. “You told Yutaka! You _fucking told him_! And then you lied to me about it!” He took a step towards Yuu, who in turn took another step backwards like a fucking coward.

“Why the fuck did you lie to me about it?” he whispered, his voice as sharp as though he was trying to cut through steel with it. “I asked you about it and you _fucking_ said to my face that you didn’t tell him. What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!” The volume of his voice temporarily rose at the swearwords, but other than that it felt as though he had burnt off all his energy with his first outburst.

Not that the lowered volume of his voice made Yuu feel any better. Any less guilty. Any less like a piece of shit. Takanori was right. He had lied to him about it. He had thought acting as though their arrangement wasn’t a big deal was the best thing to do. Plus, he had truly feared that particular talk to take turns he much rather avoided at any cost. Because if Takanori had gotten too nosy, too curious and had started to ask the wrong questions, then Yuu would have been trapped in a real predicament.

Which he had tried to avoid by lying to him, though obviously he hadn’t considered Takanori talking to Yutaka about it. He also hadn’t thought about telling Yutaka to keep his knowledge about the two of them to himself. Maybe he had thought that with his knowledge about his true feelings, he wouldn’t get any ideas like that in the first place.

Alas, he had been oh so very, very wrong.

Raising his arms, palms outstretched to Takanori, Yuu tried to calm him down further. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to… I-” His voice broke, and Yuu felt the anxiety that was creeping up his legs reach his stomach. He truly didn’t know what to say. The thought of acting as indifferently as possible crossed his mind. He just needed to put up the same indifference he had tried his hardest to convey back in Takanori’s office a few days ago. “I didn’t think it was gonna be a big deal, okay?!” He felt his own insides turn at his words, and immediately regretted them. However, he knew he had to go through with this if he didn’t want to screw things up even more.

At least, that was what he thought.

“Not a big deal? _Are you fucking insane_?!” Takanori yelled at him. “In which alternative universe do you think lying to me isn’t a _fucking big deal_?! Have you maybe forgotten about what my ex did to me? Or do you think it’s _fucking okay_ to lie to people?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Each of his words were a stab at Yuu’s heart, dealing one blow after the other until it hurt like hell. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t what he had meant to cause in the slightest. He had just tried to do the right thing in regards of their relationship. The right thing in regards of his feelings. And the worst part about this was that he couldn’t even be angry at Takanori. He had every right to be pissed at him. “Of course it’s not okay to lie to people. That wasn’t my intention. I just thought… I thought it didn’t matter to you.” He cast his eyes down, not able to look at Takanori any longer as his guilt overwhelmed him. Of course it would have mattered to him; of course Takanori would take badly to being lied to. Anyone would, no matter the circumstances.

Takanori uttered a bitter laugh. “Oh, you didn’t think, alright.” Then, any trace of fake amusement vanished from his voice. “I don’t know what game you’re playing. I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but I’m fed up with it. I’m done with letting you treat me like shit. So don’t spout bullshit about how it wasn’t your fucking intention. You lied to me on purpose. You did it because you meant to. Just like you avoid me every chance you get. Just like you avoid my touches. Just like you run out on me after you’re done fucking me. After you’ve satisfied your needs. Just like you won’t look at me. Not even now.”

Yuu saw his shadow grow as he stepped closer, and even though he withstood the urge to back down once again, he didn’t raise his head either. Takanori’s words hurt. And what was even worse – they were true. Every single one of them hit the bullseye, and Yuu only knew too well. Which was why he couldn’t bear to look at Takanori. He couldn’t bear to look him in the eye, to see the anger and the hurt, to lie to him again. He couldn’t take any of it anymore. He had thought he had done the right thing by seeking his distance, and he had fucked up so badly.

He simply sucked at everything, even at trying to get over his stupid feelings. No wonder his father hated him so much. He was nothing but a gigantic failure.

The thought hurt. But more than that, it also angered him. If all the world ever saw in him was a failure, some goddamn good-for-nothing, then what was the point in trying to be something else? What was the point in striving to become something better if it was all for naught in the end? Even if he tried to do his best, Takanori would never see him the way he wanted him to. He would never have any feelings for him. He would always reject him. And Yuu would always end up the one being hurt, so what was the goddamn point of any of it?

He had never been good enough for his father, and neither was he good enough for Takanori.

_So what was the goddamn point?_

The anxiety had retreated from his body like the sea that withdrew before the tide set in. Now, it crashed over him with all its might and drowned him in a pool of despair.

 _“What’s it fucking matter to you?”_ Yuu felt himself shout back before he could stop himself. The feelings of self-loathing and self-pity washed over him, and he was unable to swim against the rising tide of the deprecating thoughts that crippled him. “What’s it fucking matter to you _whether I look at you_?” He felt his heartache tear at his heartstrings, cutting loose the seams that kept the pieces of his heart together. Takanori would never see him the same way, he would never understand what Yuu saw when he looked at him. So why bother looking at him at all and just get torn to pieces even more? “What’s it fucking matter to you whether I stay after sex?!”

“It matters to me because you’re _my fucking friend_!” Takanori shot back. “And you’ve been acting strange for a while now. I just don’t get it. What the fuck happened? What the fuck did I do? What the fuck did I do to make you despise me?”

His voice had dropped to a broken whisper, and finally, Yuu dared to look up at him. Takanori’s eyes seemed just as broken; any glint, any light was gone from them. “What happened that you can’t stand to even look at me anymore? Why is it so bad when I touch you?” His hand reached out, and his fingertips caressed Yuu’s upper arm.

As though he had been burnt by fire, Yuu flinched, and brought his arm out of Takanori’s reach. He wanted to do nothing more than kiss him. Kiss away the doubt and hurt in Takanori’s eyes. But he knew he couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t hold him close like he wanted to. Takanori wouldn’t understand. And even if he tried to make him understand, he would ultimately reject him. He would end up being the one to push Yuu away, and Yuu was certain he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

It was better this way around. It hurt a little less this way.

However, the angry fire returned to Takanori’s eyes as Yuu retreated from his touch, as if he had added more fuel to the flames. _“Fucking talk to me already!”_ Takanori snapped at him, and his hands clenched to fists again; he appeared to be at the breaking point. At the point at which he would punch Yuu in the face. “What’s your fucking problem all of a sudden?!” His tone was just as bitter as it was angry. “Are you tired of me, is that it? Am I not pretty enough anymore? Am I not exciting enough anymore? Am I not good enough anymore?” His voice was laced with hurt as he uttered these questions in barely more than a whisper.

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock. This hadn’t been his intention. He truly hadn’t meant to sow these kinds of self-doubts in Takanori’s mind. He had never meant to be the cause of any of them. Takanori had it all wrong. _He_ was the one who wasn’t good enough, not Takanori.

If only he could make him understand. If only he could explain it to him. If only he could tell him the truth. But he knew this was even more out of the question than coming out to Yutaka. Telling his best friend the truth about himself and his feelings had been one thing, but telling Takanori? Under no circumstances would this amount to anything good, anything short of a disaster.

“That’s not true, and you know it! Of course you’re good enough! You know I’d never lie to you about this,” Yuu tried to reassure him, but he felt his own panic threatening to bury him underneath its weight. He felt as though he was on the brink of screwing up. He felt as though he was on the brink of losing Takanori, one way or the other. And it made his chest contract painfully at the mere thought. He didn’t want to lose him. Losing Takanori would drive him insane, it would be unbearable.

The thought alone paralyzed him.

“Have you grown tired of me?” Takanori repeated as though he hadn’t even heard the words Yuu had said. “Have you found someone else?” His head jerked up, and his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized Yuu. “That’s it, isn’t it?” he breathed. “You found someone better, and you’re too much of a coward to just tell me. So instead you’ve come up with this fucked up plan to get rid of me. You don’t know how to properly dump me, so you’re just screwing with me. That’s it, isn’t it? _Tell me I’m wrong!_ ” His voice sounded pleading by now; he was outright begging him.

“You’re wrong!” Yuu blurted out. God knew just how fucking wrong Takanori was. “You know you are!” Yuu’s thoughts started to spin like a carousel as he racked his brains about a way to show Takanori just how wrong he was without saying too much. Then, an idea struck him. “You see, the night I told Yutaka, I was at a night club with him. And there was that guy. I didn’t even notice him before he started talking to me, you see? He asked me to dance with him, and I just-“ He paused, searching for the right thing to say. How did he convey that all he had had on his mind had been Takanori? How did he properly explain this to him without screwing things up even more?

A quiet gasp was audible. “I knew it,” Takanori whispered, and his shoulders slouched. “I _fucking_ knew it.”

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat. “W-what? No, wait! You’ve got that wrong! That’s not what I was trying to say at-“

“Just have the fucking guts to admit it, Shiroyama! You found someone else you wanna screw, so now you need to get rid of me.” Takanori slid his fingers into the strands of his blonde hair and tugged at them in a display of desperation. “You wanna screw someone else, and I’m in the way.” He froze in the middle of another forceful tug at his hair, and his arms slumped to his sides as he slowly raised his head. “Or are you already screwing that guy? Is that it? Is that why you’ve been acting so weird ever since that night you talked to Yutaka? That’s it, isn’t it?” His voice became shaky, and his lower lip started to tremble.

The panic written all over his face broke Yuu’s heart. It churned his guts, swallowed his heart and spit it back out. “No, that’s not it at all. Please, Nori, you have to believe me! You totally misunderstood what I was trying to tell you. Please, just listen to me!” Now Yuu was the one who was begging. Now Yuu was the one who was desperate to be heard properly.

Covering his ears with his hands like a little child, Takanori shook his head. “I can’t take these fucking lies anymore. I thought I was done with them once and for all. I thought you were different. I thought you gave a shit. I thought you were different from Akira.”

Yuu felt an excruciating pain rip through his heart. This was so wrong. Everything about this was all wrong. How had it come to this? How had he let it get to this when all he had meant to do was prevent himself from getting hurt? When all he had meant to do was make things right again?

“No, Nori, please, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not like-“

“ _Stop lying to me!_ You’re not even good at it, so just fucking stop! _Just stop!_ ” Takanori shook his head again. “Stop taking me for a fool! I’m not buying another fucking lie!” Another shaking of his head, another stab at Yuu’s heart. “If you want a one-o-one in lying, then you should talk to my fucking ex. I bet he’d be happy to give you some fucking advice!”

Yuu’s heart tore in half.

 _“I’m not like Akira!”_ he shouted. “I’m not like that _fucking cheating bastard_!” He gritted his teeth as he realized that his yelling made Takanori flinch like a scared, cornered animal. Even though he was the one who had been cornered in his own apartment by his own lover. “I’m not like him. I don’t care about screwing anyone else besides you. I don’t care about screwing anyone but you.”

Too late did he realize that the usage of the word “screwing” wasn’t the best choice of words.

“So, I’m good enough for screwing, but not good enough to know the truth?!”

“No, that’s not it!” Yuu ran his fingers through his hair, groaned, and then gave his strands a painful pull, mimicking Takanori. _“Fuck!”_ he yelled out his frustration. “There’s no one else, I swear to you!” He felt as though they were in a real relationship with the kind of talk they were having. Though, with Takanori’s background story, he truly shouldn’t have been surprised at all. Akira had left a deep, ugly scar on Takanori’s heart. One that prevented him from committing to any form of relationship that went beyond casual and easy. Complications were something he didn’t need right now.

And feelings most certainly were a complication.

Takanori lowered his hands. He looked beyond upset and defeated as he gazed into Yuu’s eyes. Into his soul. He looked as though he still didn’t believe him. “You’re lying,” he breathed. “Just tell me the fucking truth, _please_! Tell me why you can’t stand to look at me. Tell me why you can’t stand it when I touch you. Tell me why the fuck you can’t stand to be near me.” The anger got now fully replaced by trepidation, and his voice had started to shake again. “If there’s no one else then why do you treat me so differently all of a sudden? Why can’t you just talk to me? Why are you being so weird?” Again, he reached out his arm to place his hand on Yuu’s upper arm. Again, Yuu shook his hand off as soon as it touched his skin. Again, Takanori looked hurt at the rejection. “Why is it so fucking terrible if I touch you? Why the fuck is it such a problem all of a sudden?!” he yelled, his voice cracking.

Yuu shook his head, trying to think of something to say. But he couldn’t find any words. Despair had his tongue in a knot, which slowly seemed to suffocate him. And even though he could barely breathe, he kept his lips sealed, pressed into a thin, silent line. _I can’t_ , he wanted to say, but not a single syllable left his pathetic mouth.

At his silence, Takanori seized his collar, pulled him near and then shook him. As though he was trying to shake the truth out of him. This time, Yuu didn’t budge. This time, he numbly let it happen. “Tell me, Yuu! Why the fuck can’t you stand to be near me anymore?! Why are you avoiding me?!”

“Because I can’t bear it!” he finally pushed out. “Being close to you, I can’t… I just can’t.” Meekly, he attempted to break free from Takanori’s grasp, but his hands were clutched around the collar of his shirt like iron.

“I don’t fucking understand!” Takanori growled. “Why? Why can’t you bear it anymore? What can’t you bear anymore?” His questions came firing out like gunfire, hailing down on Yuu mercilessly. Pushing him closer to the breaking point. Pushing him closer to the edge. One of his feet was already dangling over the cliff, and he didn’t see a way out anymore. And still, Takanori kept throwing these questions at him. “What did I do to you? What could I have possibly done to you? Why won’t you tell me? Why can’t you be close to me anymore?”

_“Because I’m in love with you!”_

At last, Yuu had slipped off the edge. Freezing, his eyes widened. Takanori gasped. Panic shot through Yuu’s whole body as the echo of what he had just let slip resounded in his mind. He hadn’t meant to say these words out loud. He hadn’t meant for Takanori to know. He hadn’t meant to tell him, he hadn’t meant for him to ever find out. But Takanori had kept pushing him until he had caved, until he hadn’t been able to hold it in anymore.

And now he had screwed everything up. And there was absolutely nothing he could do to undo what he had just done.

“ _Fuck!_ ” he exclaimed, his heart pounding against his chest as the panic overwhelmed him. “I didn’t mean to… You weren’t supposed to- FUCK!”

“What did you just say?”

Takanori’s voice was a mere whisper, his face was covered by a mask of cold expressionlessness. Indifference. Disapproval. Disbelief.

But most of all, rejection.

“You heard it, didn’t you?” Yuu whispered, fighting against the suffocating feeling of the sheer agony tearing through his heart and soul as he was met with Takanori’s blank expression. His hands were shaking just as much as his voice did. “You wanted to know the truth. So this is it. I’m in love with you.”

This time, Yuu was the one who raised his arm. This time, Yuu was the one who reached out to Takanori, desperate to touch him. With the truth out in the open, he didn’t see any point in trying to fake indifference anymore. With the truth out in the open, he didn’t see any point in trying to hide his real feelings anymore. Any of them.

This time, Takanori was the one who retreated from his touch. He let go of his collar as he took a step back to evade his hand, which dropped to Yuu’s side powerlessly. He didn’t say anything as he stared at Yuu incredulously. He didn’t say anything as he shook his head, and took another step back.

“No,” was the only thing he whispered, before he turned around and headed for the door.

Takanori, their friendship, their relationship – everything seemed to trickle through his fingers like sand. The sand castle was crumbling right in front of Yuu, and there was nothing he could do to keep it from falling apart. He knew as much as he set off after Takanori, seizing his wrist to keep him from leaving.

He had read it in his eyes.

“Takanori, please wait!” he begged, his own voice trembling with agitation. “Please, let’s just talk about this!”

With a grunt, Takanori yanked his arm forward to break free from Yuu’s grip. His voice was cold as ice, his words were merciless and cruel. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Fully paralyzed, Yuu watched dumbfounded as Takanori walked over to the front door without another word. Screaming on the inside, Yuu watched silently as he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway without deigning to look at him again. Feeling his heart get torn to pieces, Yuu watched as the door fell shut behind Takanori, and trapped him a deafening silence.

He had always wondered what it felt like. All these years, he had wondered what it felt like to feel this intensely about someone else. All these years, he had wondered what it felt like to fall in love with someone. All these years, he had wondered what it felt like to bear himself to someone else entirely, and leave himself vulnerable. All these years, he had wondered about all the ups and downs of being in love with someone. All these years, he had craved to experience it firsthand.

Now he knew.

And he would have given anything to unlearn what he had learnt these last few months.

All this time, when he had comforted Takanori he had wondered what it was like to feel this deeply.

And now he knew.

This was what it felt like to be in love with someone.

This was what it felt like to leave oneself completely open and vulnerable to someone.

This was what it felt like to get one’s heart broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death treaths, cravings for revenge, evil curses and whatever else can be filed in the comments lololol~ No claim for damages will be accepted though, I'm afraid lol.


	31. Chapter 31

_Because I’m in love with you._

Shaking his head vigorously as though he could get rid of the words that had been ghosting through his mind for the last sixteen hours, Takanori stubbed out the butt of his cigarette. He pushed himself off the chair, and shoved the pack of smokes into the pocket of his jacket. He looked around the empty breakroom, and sighed in defeat. The whole day, some unknown force had been pulling him down, keeping him from breathing properly.

No, that wasn’t right.

He knew exactly what had caused this. He knew why he felt so worn out. He also knew he had to finally face this. He had to deal with it.

And yet, a heavy stone lay in his stomach that made him feel nauseous. He couldn’t deny that things had started to piece themselves together as soon as Yuu had uttered these cursed words. As soon as he had confessed his feelings. And Takanori believed him. He believed that Yuu truly thought he was in love with him. But he also believed him to be wrong.

It just couldn’t be true.

He was no one to be desired, he was no one to be wanted like this. He was no one to fall in love with.

Even if he were, he didn’t want this. This – feelings – were the last thing he had wanted. All he had wanted was to have some fun, to get his mind off Akira and to move on from him somehow. For this purpose alone, he had approached Yuu with his suggestion after all. Because he had been hoping to find some distractions in him. And he had managed to do exactly that. He had managed to find the things he had been looking for in Yuu. But he had also found something else.

A friend.

And it hurt him to think about losing all of that. It hurt him deeply. But he knew that facing their issue would jeopardize all they had. If Yuu refused to see the truth, then Takanori feared of what he might have to do. But he knew that he cared too much about Yuu to be selfish. He cared too much about him to do this to him. To either of them.

He knew what he had to do in case they couldn’t resolve this.

But first, he had to make Yuu see the error in his thoughts. He couldn’t be in love with him, it was simply not possible. No way in hell would someone like Yuu ever truly harbor such feelings for him. He was simply not deserving of any of them.

Straightening himself up as he had reached his office, he slowly pushed the door open. He had tried his best to avoid Yuu thus far, had ignored all his calls and text messages that begged him to hear him out, to talk to him. He felt shitty for it, but there wasn’t much he could do about it.

He tensed as he spotted Yuu bent over his desk, buried in some case file.

He watched Yuu flinch as the door fell shut behind him. Slowly, he turned around. The sight of him hurt Takanori. Dark circles lay underneath his eyes, and even though he was standing quite a few feet away from him, he could still notice the missing glint in Yuu’s eyes. He looked tired and sad.

And it was Takanori’s fault.

He hated it. He hated that he was hurting Yuu. He hated that he was going to hurt him even more, but there was no other option. Yuu had known from the beginning that feelings didn’t have a place in their arrangement. Plus, Takanori was pretty certain that he was misled in his feelings for him; he was mistaking them for something they were not.

That had to be it.

Because Takanori knew damn well how unlovable he was. There was no way that someone like Yuu could ever fall in love with him. The truth Yuu thought he knew was nothing but a delusion conjured up by his lust and his loneliness.

“We need to talk,” he said without so much as a greeting. However, pleasantries truly weren’t what he was concerned about right now.

Yuu’s shoulders slouched. “I thought there was nothing to talk about?” he murmured, his voice weak and tired. He didn’t look like he had gotten much sleep the previous night.

Neither had Takanori. Yuu’s confession had kept him up all night, tossing and turning in his bed while he tried to process the things he had told him. Weirdly enough, he wasn’t angry at him anymore. He understood that Yuu was trapped in a false illusion of what he meant to him, which had caused him to act this weirdly. Which had caused him to lie to him. But now, he had to set him straight.

“I thought about what you told me last night,” Takanori commenced calmly, ignoring Yuu’s remark. “And you’re wrong. You’re not in love with me. You can’t be.”

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock, before they started to glint with anger. “What the fuck are you saying?!” he snapped at him. “Are you some clairvoyant? Some guru that can read minds, or auras or some bullshit? What makes you think you know better about what I feel than I do?”

He took a step towards Yuu, trying to symbolize how he wasn’t looking for a fight. He just wanted to make him understand. “I know because I’ve been in love before,” he said coolly. “This,” he motioned between the two of them with his hand, “this isn’t love. It’s lust at best. You’re not in love with me, you’re in lust with me. And there’s a huge difference. I’m just trying to make you understand. I know it’s hard to accept this, but please trust me. I know.” He lowered his hand, and gnawed on his bottom lip.

 _“The fuck you do!”_ Yuu burst out, startling Takanori with his hostile tone of voice. “What exactly is it you know better than I do? How I feel about you? You, trying to make me understand?! Don’t treat me like a fucking child!” Now Yuu was the one taking a step towards him until they were mere inches apart. “Don’t act like you know shit about being in love, and I don’t! Don’t act as though I don’t know the fucking difference between being in love and being in lust, because I do! I’m not some fucking naïve piece of shit that doesn’t get what’s going on!”

Takanori narrowed his eyes. He had anticipated that this was going to be difficult, especially given Yuu’s temper; he had just hoped to prevent them from getting into another argument. “But apparently you don’t!” he hissed. “You what? You like sleeping with me. You may like my body. Is that it? That’s not love, Yuu, that’s lust. You may love my body but that doesn’t mean you’re in _fucking_ love with me. It’s something completely different.” Infatuation, love – those were feelings deeply rooted within one’s soul. Feelings that were unwavering, even in the face of difficulties, through the good and the bad times. Feelings like love took time, and they took effort. It wasn’t as simple as being attracted to someone.

And while Yuu being attracted to him felt heavenly, it wasn’t the same.

It wasn’t the same as being in love.

Being in love meant spending every waking hour being unable to stop thinking about the other. It meant lying awake for hours at night, not able to fall asleep. It meant wanting to dedicate one’s time and efforts to someone else. It meant having one’s heart beat so fast at the mere thought of the other person that it felt as though it could jump out of one’s chest at any given moment.

Surely that wasn’t what Yuu felt at all.

“You really think I can’t differentiate between these things?!” Yuu spit out, the anger turning his cheeks red. “You think the things I feel for you are strictly physical, is that it? Well, you’re wrong, because it’s not just about sex, _goddammit_!”

Takanori flinched, and Yuu pressed his lips together to calm himself.

“It’s not just about sex,” he repeated quietly. “I know it isn’t. It’s far more than that, don’t you get that? Of course I like your body. Of course I like sleeping with you, but it’s not only about that. I don’t fucking care how we spend time together, as long as you’re with me. So don’t try to tell me it’s about lust. Because I know the fucking difference full well!”

Takanori shook his head, feeling the same wave of helplessness like the previous night wash over him. “No,” he whispered as he shook his head again. His heart skipped a beat as he watched Yuu’s face drop, only to beat faster as his words fully entered his mind, and he clenched his hands to fists. This simply wasn’t possible. No way in hell would Yuu ever see him this way – as someone more than some meaningless fling to get off on. No way in hell would Yuu ever accept all of him, all the ugliness inside of him. No way in hell would Yuu ever desire him as a person. “No,” he said again. “You’re wrong,” he breathed. He lowered his gaze to stare at the floor. This was all wrong. They shouldn’t even be talking about this in the first place. Their arrangement was supposed to be without any sort of attachment, without any sort of commitment.

Without any sort of feelings.

“I wish I were.”

Cautiously, as to not startle him again, Yuu seized his chin to raise his head. “Believe me, I wish I were wrong. I wish it wasn’t this way.” He felt Yuu’s thumb caress his cheek tenderly, and he felt himself shiver at the touch. His heart began to race in his chest, and an irrational part of him wished that Yuu would just bend forward to kiss him. To kiss away all these confusing thoughts and feelings swirling inside of him.

Coping with the idea of Yuu being mistaken had been easy. Trying to cope with all these irrational feelings, on the other hand, was the worst. He felt like he was trapped in hell, somewhere deep down in the dark pit, surrounded by glistening fire that tried to lure him in. A hot fire that promised him warmth and comfort, when in truth all it would do was burn him until there was nothing left of him.

He opened his mouth, trying to reply to Yuu. Trying to get him to let go of him. Maybe trying to tell him how

_(he wanted to be kissed and held by him)_

he was wrong again. Trying to make Yuu see the error in all of this. This wasn’t right. This was messy and complicated and

_(scary, oh so scary)_

undesirable, and nothing to wish for. Being in love sucked, it sucked so much because it hurt like hell, and it tore out one’s heart while it chipped away at one’s soul until there was nothing left.

Yuu had witnessed it. He had seen what love had done to him. So why would he be so cruel as to push on with this? Why would he be so cruel as to insist that he had fallen in love with Takanori?

Why couldn’t Takanori just have some peace of mind for once?

“I’m not a fool.” Yuu’s whispers yanked him out of his thoughts. He dropped his hand, and instant regret flooded Takanori at the loss of touch. No, this wasn’t right. He wasn’t supposed to feel _disappointed._ If anything, he should be relieved at the lack of contact. “I’m not delusional enough to think you’d ever feel the same way. I just told you, didn’t I? I don’t care how we spend time together. If all you want is for us to have sex, then that’s fine by me. This doesn’t have to change anything. I’m a grown-up, I can handle my own damn feelings, okay? Nothing has to change between us.” Yuu tried to sound calm and convincing, however, his voice was laced with dread. He didn’t believe his own words.

And neither did Takanori.

He could see it in Yuu’s eyes as they lost all light again. Could see it in the way his shoulders dropped as he made Takanori the offer to go back to how things had been before his confession.

And he finally saw the truth.

Yuu wasn’t the one who had been mistaken.

He was.

The way Yuu spoke, the way he acted, left little doubt about the sincerity of his words.

He truly was in love with him.

And in that moment, as realization dawned on him, Takanori wished it were as easy as romantic movies always made love out to be. He wished it was as simple as Yuu confessing his feelings to him. But he knew it wasn’t that easy. Just like he knew that there was no going back from this. There was no way to simply move on from this, to simply pretend like none of this had happened.

He truly wished it were possible. But he knew it wasn’t. He knew he couldn’t simply pretend like nothing had changed. He knew that Yuu wouldn’t be able to either, no matter how much he tried to convince him otherwise. He knew he couldn’t do this to Yuu. He knew he couldn’t be selfish like that. He couldn’t put him through the same ordeals he had endured.

Not noticing any of his inner turmoil, Yuu continued on in his desperate attempt to glue their fractured relationship back together, to keep it from falling apart. “It was stupid to try and stay away from you, I know it was. I was just trying to fix the mess I’d made,” Yuu continued on as Takanori remained silent. “I just tried to get back to how things were supposed to be, but I screwed up. I thought keeping my distance would help me get a grip on my feelings. I didn’t think about what it’d do to you. Honestly, I didn’t think it’d matter at all to you. And now I know that I hurt you by lying to you. I’m truly sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“No.” Takanori shook his head again as he finally regained the ability to speak. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, and subconsciously, he dug his nails into the palms of his hands. “No, you were right. You were right to stay away from me. It’s the right thing to do.”

Shock settled on Yuu’s face at his words, and all remaining color drained from his face. “Wait, what are you saying?”

Takanori briefly closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to steel his nerves. His insides were screaming at him not to do this, not to go through with this, but he knew he had to. Because it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. “I’m sorry, Yuu, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore outside of work.”

Yuu shook his head. “No, no, wait! Please, Nori, hold on just a sec! My feelings for you don’t change anything, please, I swear to you! I’ll get over them in no time and then everything will go back to normal!” No matter how desperately he tried, he was incapable of hiding the fear in his voice, and it hurt Takanori greatly. The familiar nickname dripped onto his heart like venomous acid, and it burned a hole into his soul. It hurt so much.

Another thing that also hurt deeply was the notion of Yuu getting over his feelings for him. No matter how selfish it was, an irrational part of Takanori didn’t want him to. Which just helped to further convince him that what he was doing was the right thing to do. He had to do right by Yuu, no matter what he himself wanted. He had to not turn a blind eye for once. He had to do the difficult thing for once. The ugly thing. The painful thing.

He owed Yuu that much.

“We both know that’s not true,” he mumbled. Getting over one’s feelings wasn’t as easy as flipping a switch. It was messy and painful, and most of all, it took time. Lots and lots of time. “I care about you, Yuu, I truly do. And I can’t thank you enough for the things you’ve done for me. Which is why I have to do this. I can’t do this to you. I’ll only hurt you, and I couldn’t forgive myself for it.” He knew that he was hurting Yuu right now, but he was convinced that in the long run, it was still better this way. Less painful. “I can’t give you what you really want. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who feels the same way about you. I’m sorry.” His hands started to shake, and he clenched his fists more tightly to try and get them to stop.

He was only speaking the truth. And he needed Yuu to understand it as well. Yuu deserved so much better than him. He deserved someone who loved him, and didn’t just use him to get over his own heartbreak. Because God knew he was

_(too scared)_

too damaged to return his feelings. He was too damaged to ever fall in love again. His last relationship had left him too broken. It had left him in too much pain to ever fall in love again.

Yuu was better off with someone else. Takanori had known that this day would come eventually; he had dreaded it very much. The day when it was time to let him go.

“Can I maybe decide that for myself?” Yuu whispered with a husky voice, and Takanori felt another painful stab at his heart as he spotted the tears in the corners of his eyes. “Please, Nori, I’m begging you. Don’t do this.” He reached for his face, but Takanori took a step back to evade Yuu’s fingertips. To keep him from making things more difficult than they already were.

To keep him from changing his mind.

“I’m sorry, Yuu. I have to. It’s for your own good,” he pressed out, feeling a sharp sting in his heart as his own words echoed in his mind. “It’s over.”

Without awaiting Yuu’s response, just like he had back in his apartment, Takanori turned around and hasted out of the office. He knew his behavior was cowardly. He didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of what he had done, of the heartache he was causing Yuu. He wished he could take it away. He wished he could turn back time and undo things. He wished he had never stepped into Yuu’s life, only to ruin it like he had ruined everything else.

He hated himself for hurting Yuu.

He truly deserved better. Much, much better than Takanori.

And Takanori knew that he was unable to reciprocate Yuu’s feelings. He was too screwed up. Maybe he was even beyond repair. Yuu deserved someone better. Someone who wasn’t tainted like he was. Someone who wouldn’t hurt him like this.

He knew it had been the right thing to break things off with Yuu.

He knew it had been the selfless choice.

He knew it had been the only way to spare Yuu even deeper heartache. Even deeper pain.

He knew it had been the righteous thing to do.

Takanori stumbled into the men’s restroom, and halted in front of the mirror. Gasping for air, he pressed his hand over his chest, where he felt his heart beat rapidly. He felt as though some invisible force had seized his chest and was now tightening its grip, steadily suffocating him.

He knew it had been the right thing to do – the only thing to not hurt Yuu any further. No matter how much he might have been hurting right now, in the long run, it was the only way to minimize losses.

It was the right thing to let Yuu go.

So why did it make him feel so miserable?

Why didn’t he feel relieved at all?

Why did it make him feel so guilty?

Why did it make him feel as though he was betraying Yuu?

Why did it make him feel as though he was betraying his own heart?

_Why did it hurt so fucking much?_

* * *  
  
With an awful pit in his stomach, which seemed to be the size of the moon, Yutaka rang the doorbell.

He was worried. He was worried sick about Yuu. He hadn’t replied to any of his texts since last night, which was unusual enough for him. Though Yutaka would have still worried about Yuu if it had been just that.

Alas, it wasn’t the only thing that made his guts churn.

The way Takanori had reacted at lunch had set off his alarm bells. He hadn’t known that Yuu hadn’t told Takanori the truth. It had been an honest mistake. He hadn’t known that Takanori hadn’t known that he knew. And the way he had turned pale upon the realization that Yuu had lied to him had turned Yutaka’s stomach upside down. He hadn’t meant to cause any harm.

Hell, he hadn’t even known he was going to cause any in the first place.

Takanori had been too upset to stay for lunch, and actually eat anything. And Yuu hadn’t replied to any of his text messages in almost twenty-four hours. Which only served to increase Yutaka’s feeling of guilt, as well as the weight of sorrow that kept pushing him down with each passing hour that Yuu didn’t respond to his texts. With each passing hour in which he ignored his phone calls.

It had driven him to the brink of insanity, so Yutaka had pressed an apologetic kiss to his mother’s cheek as he had taken off his apron to head over to Yuu’s place in order to check on him, the guests of their restaurant be damned. Yuu was a billion times more important to him.

He rang the doorbell again when he didn’t receive an answer, then he knocked at the door.

“I know you’re home, Yuu. I saw the lights on all the way from the street. Please open up! I’m worried about you,” he pleaded, knocking at the door again before he rang the doorbell a third and a fourth time.

Finally, the door swung open to reveal a third of Yuu’s face. “What?” he whispered with a raspy voice.

The tone of his voice would have been enough to worry Yutaka even more; however, the distinctive scent of alcohol that tainted the air in between them made his worry leap to staggering heights. Furthermore, he truly didn’t like how Yuu looked.

His cheek was reddened by the alcohol, and dark circles surrounded the one eye Yutaka was able to see through the gap in the door. Remains of a dark trace decorated his cheek, and if Yutaka didn’t know any better, he would have assumed that Yuu had been crying.

“May I come in?” he asked silently, the pit in his stomach growing bigger by the second as the unsettling feeling inside of him threatened to overwhelm him.

“Why?”

“Because I’m worried about you. Because you look awful. What’s wrong? Please talk to me!”

Yuu uttered a broken laugh. “I’m good, thanks.” He tried to close the door in his face, but his movements seemed to be lacking in his inebriated state. Reflexes on point like those of a cat, Yutaka quickly placed foot and hand between door and doorframe, preventing Yuu from closing the door.

“You’re not good, Yuu. You’re not fine, I can see that you’re not. Please, I’m your friend,” Yutaka tried to reason with him again, tried to appeal to his common sense. “I just wanna be there for you.”

“Do whatever the fuck you want,” Yuu grunted, before he let go of the door. He didn’t deign to look at Yutaka again as he turned around to stagger back to the coffee table.

Dread filled Yutaka as he entered his apartment. The first thing he spotted were the empty cans of beer scattered all across the floor between kitchenette and couch. Then, his gaze fell upon Yuu, who had slumped onto the floor between couch and coffee table, a bottle in his hand.

Worriedly, Yutaka stepped closer as Yuu took a big gulp from the bottle, and he successfully identified it as a bottle of vodka. Apparently, Yuu had moved on from the beer to the real stuff somewhere along the night, for a good chunk was already missing from the bottle.

Biting down on his lower lip, Yutaka kneeled down besides Yuu. “What happened?” he asked tentatively, placing his hands in his lap.

Yuu shrugged, and took another sip, much to Yutaka’s dismay. “I screwed up, like usual.” He laughed dryly, then he slammed the bottle down on the floor. “I fucking screwed up.” He placed his arm on his knee, and bedded his forehead on his lower arm. “I screwed up,” he murmured. “I screwed up.”

Sympathetically, Yutaka rested his hand on Yuu’s upper arm. He didn’t like the prospect of it, but he knew he had to push through if he wanted to get to the essence of what caused Yuu such grief, even though he already dreaded the answer. Deep down, he already anticipated it. “Has it got anything to do with Takanori?” he mused hesitantly.

The way Yuu flinched at the mention of his name, confirmed Yutaka’s suspicion. He watched helplessly as he took another gulp from the vodka. “That obvious, huh?” he said, voice void of any emotion whatsoever.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I messed things up. I didn’t think before I spoke. I… I didn’t know that he didn’t know. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to screw things up for you.” The pit in his stomach was ever-growing like a tumor, and even apologizing didn’t soothe the guilt.

“You didn’t screw up anything,” Yuu objected with the same emotionlessness. “I did.” Another humorless laugh. Another gulp from the bottle. “I knew what would happen if I told him. I knew. And still, I…” For the first time since he had opened the door, he looked at Yutaka. “I didn’t even _mean_ to tell him. He just kept shouting and shouting and yelling all these awful things. He just kept saying how he doesn’t matter to me, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t mean to tell him, it just slipped out. I didn’t even realize what I’d done until it was too late.” He sniveled, before he took another sip of vodka.

Not understanding what Yuu was getting at, Yutaka creased his forehead in confusion. “What did you tell him?” he all but whispered.

When Yuu looked back up at him, tears of despair were swimming in his eyes. “I told him I was in love with him.”

Yutaka gasped in horror. He had dreaded them getting into an argument after the mindless things he had spouted at lunch, but he hadn’t even thought about the possibility that Yuu might have confessed his feelings to Takanori.

“He didn’t take well to it,” Yutaka guessed quietly. Hesitantly. If anything, Yuu’s state was testimony enough of this.

Yuu uttered a sound between a snort and a sob, and the sound broke Yutaka’s heart. Then, Yuu shook his head. “He just wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t even listen to me. Instead, he told me I wasn’t…” He lowered his gaze in search for the right words, looked at the bottle of alcohol in disgust, and put it down next to him. “He told me I was wrong. That I wasn’t in l-love with him. That I only c-cared about sex. That if anything, I w-was in lust with him. And n-nothing more.” Yuu swallowed thickly, trying to fight back the sobs. “He acted as though he k-knew how I felt, when in fact, he doesn’t know s-shit about it!” His forehead dropped back onto his arm, and his fingers entangled with his messy strands of hair.

At a loss for words, Yutaka stared down onto his lap. He hadn’t expected it to be this bad. He didn’t even understand in the first place. Ever since Yuu had told him the truth, some things had become more than apparent to him – like the fact that Takanori saw _something_ in Yuu as well. That he cared about him, not just as a friend, and not just as a casual fling. Ever since Yutaka had learned about Yuu’s feelings for the other, the smallest things had started to make a whole new type of sense to him.

At least that was what he had thought.

Takanori’s upset state at the restaurant had made him believe that he had been right about his intuition. He had been so certain that Takanori harbored similar feelings like Yuu. Now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Yuu.” He didn’t know what else to say.

He heard him snivel, and once more, his heart constricted painfully at the thought of how much his best friend was suffering right now. “He didn’t even give me a chance. I knew he would never return my feelings, but _this-_ ” His voice broke, and it took him a minute to collect himself again. “He just… he just dumped me. He told me he doesn’t want us to spend time with each other outside of work anymore. He thinks it’s for my ‘own good’.”

Yuu looked up at him, and now, the tears were streaming down his cheeks. “How can it be for my own good? How can he possibly know that? How can he say something so cruel? Doesn’t he get how much it h-hurts?” His lower lip started to tremble, and quiet sobs erupted from Yuu’s throat. “It h-hurts so much, Yutaka. It feels as though I can’t breathe anymore. It hurts so fucking much.”

Feeling tears prick at the corners of his own eyes, Yutaka wrapped his arm around Yuu’s shaking shoulders. He had been in love a bunch of times before he had elected to stick with a more open kind of lifestyle, so he had experienced heartbreak before. However, seeing his best friend suffer like this was even worse than any of his own heartbreaks he could remember. He had always been rather empathetic, but witnessing Yuu’s pain firsthand like this made his heart ache as though he was the one suffering from all these agonizing feelings. “I know,” he whispered as he pulled Yuu against his chest. “I know. I’m here for you,” he mumbled while he caressed the top of his head gingerly.

There wasn’t much else he could do besides comfort Yuu as he was falling apart in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I can still do worse than that~ >:)
> 
> I wanna thank everyone for their continued support. It means the world to me. I love you all! ♥


	32. Chapter 32

“Are you sure you can handle this?”

Takanori blinked a few times. “Huh?” Trying to snap out of his thoughts that had lead him astray, he leaned forward in his office chair to stare at the screen more intently.

His father frowned. “You still look under the weather. You sure you’re alright? Do you still feel sick?”

Finally getting a grasp on reality again, Takanori quickly shook his head. “I’m fine, dad! Seriously. Of course I can handle taking care of the firm for a week, you know you can count on me.” He forced a fake smile onto his face in an attempt to reassure his father. It wasn’t the first time his parents had taken off for a week to get some well-deserved vacation, and it wasn’t the first time that he took care of things in the firm during his father’s absence. Though it wasn’t the first time either that he had to calm his father’s worries via Skype.

His father nodded slowly. “Alright. But don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, Taka. And-“

“And don’t hesitate to ask uncle Yoshirou for help,” Takanori completed his father’s sentence with a sigh. “I got it, dad. Seriously, the only thing you’ll have to worry about is getting plenty of rest!” Yoshirou Nakajima was not only one of their senior partners, but also one of his father’s most trusted and oldest friends. Takanori had grown up with him, and had always considered him family, even though they were not related by blood. Not least because he was always willing to help them out, and Takanori knew full well that he could count on his assist should the need arise.

He also knew that his father only meant well in all his worries.

“Right. I’m sorry for being so obnoxious,” his father mumbled embarrassedly as he realized the over-concerned nature of his video call.

This time, Takanori’s smile was a tad more genuine. “It’s fine, dad. I know you mean well.”

His father nodded, and then he grinned widely. “Alright. I think your mother just called for dinner. We love you, Taka! Make sure to call us if you need anything,” he repeated. “And don’t hesitate to take time off if your cold is still giving you a hard time.”

Opting to not comment on his father’s overprotectiveness that surely stemmed from his mother (who was too busy preparing dinner to attend their conversation), Takanori smiled once more. “Will do!” he hummed. “Bye, dad! Give mom a kiss from me.”

“You give Yuu one as well,” his oblivious father joked, before he ended the call.

The smile on Takanori’s face froze.

His father’s teasing words made him feel nauseous, and he quickly closed Skype before he shut the laptop. Burying his face in his hands, he tried to take a deep breath in order to make the nauseous guilt in his stomach disappear. He hadn’t told his parents yet. Kouyou was the only one that knew, and even he had been weirdly taciturn about the whole issue. Almost unsettling so. Takanori didn’t know what to make of his best friend’s silence, but if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t really want to find out whatever reasons Kouyou might have had. If he was being honest with himself, he tried his hardest to not think about Yuu altogether.

Because for some weird reason, it hurt.

It hurt to think about him. It hurt to sit in his office, knowing that Yuu wouldn’t come waltzing in at any second like he used to. It hurt to fall asleep on his own at night. It hurt to wake up alone in the morning.

Why did everything about this mess hurt so much?

It wasn’t supposed to hurt. It wasn’t supposed to matter. It was supposed to be over and done, simple as that. Because that had been the whole purpose of their arrangement. For him to get his mind off Akira without having to deal with any additional baggage. Any additional weight that would pull him down. Obviously, it had worked a little too well. Because Akira wasn’t on his mind the whole time anymore.

Therefore, Yuu was.

Groaning, Takanori lowered his hands into his lap and dropped his forehead onto the table top. The urge to slam his head against the desk repeatedly was more than alluring. He wished he could kick Yuu out of his thoughts this way. He wished he didn’t have to think of him all the damn time.

He wished he didn’t miss him so fucking much.

“Fuck.” Takanori bumped his forehead against the table top lightly. He was angry at Yuu for screwing things up, things that had worked so perfectly. He was angry and frustrated. This was all wrong. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Yuu was supposed to have served as a distraction, just someone to have a little bit of fun with. He wasn’t supposed to have fallen in love with Takanori.

Why did he have to go and screw everything up? Things had been so good. So flawless. So effortless. So perfect.

Maybe they had been _too_ perfect.

_Because I’m in love with you._

Takanori groaned again as Yuu’s words echoed through his mind for the gazillionth time. Even telling Yuu that it was best if he went back to his father’s firm for the time being until the merge of their firms was settled wasn’t working. He had hoped to get rid of these agonizing thoughts if he just got enough distance between them, but they only seemed to haunt him even more frequently now.

He had meant to get over Akira. And now, it seemed like he had to get over Yuu as well. Over the perfect little illusion he had created for Takanori. The perfect little world in which he had gotten all the physical affections he had so desperately craved, all the emotional comfort he had so despairingly needed to heal. And now it had all been ripped from him.

No, that wasn’t right. He had been the one to pull the ripcord. He had been the one to strip himself of all these things. All because he was too damn cowardly to deal with

_(his own)_

Yuu’s feelings head on. All because he was too damn selfless to use Yuu like that. As though it had been honorable in any way to use him as a tool to get over Akira. As though it had been perfectly okay to use him for his own agenda, only to stop using him like that when Yuu had practically begged him not to stop. No, he wasn’t selfless at all.

He was a disgusting hypocrite.

Feeling like a piece of shit was his rectification. He was getting what he deserved, he was reaping what he had sown. He knew he had broken Yuu’s heart. He had seen it in his teary eyes. And he hated himself for it. Not even the poor excuse of his self-proclaimed selflessness could change the fact that he was a despicable human being. Maybe even as despicable as Akira for cheating on him repeatedly. No, he had no right to be angry at Yuu. And still, he couldn’t help these irrational feelings.

_Why did he have to force him to break things off like that?_

“Uh, Mr. Matsumoto? May I come in?”

He started, and his head jerked up. Jirou was standing in the door, hesitancy on his face. Takanori hadn’t even heard his knocks. Still out of it, he nodded slowly.

Carefully, Jirou crossed the room, as though he was treading on a minefield, and slowly approached the desk. He was still refusing to look at Takanori properly. He was still refusing to talk to him properly. Another thing Takanori was to blame for. Another person he had hurt. It seemed like that was the only thing he knew how to do properly.

“What is it?” Takanori asked with delay.

Jirou held up one of the folders he was carrying. “We’re done with the contracts President Matsumoto asked us to revise. You’ll need to look them through.” He was clearly feeling uncomfortable by the way he lowered his head slightly to let his dark bangs fall into his face.

Takanori scrutinized him. It felt as though he was seeing Jirou for the first time. His dark hair was comparably short, though still longer than a lot of the other lawyers liked to wear theirs. He was a few inches taller than Takanori, but not as tall as Yuu. He also had soft features.

Almost as soft and gentle as Yuu’s.

Takanori shook his head as Yuu ghosted through his mind yet again.

“Uh, something wrong?”

His eyes widened in embarrassment. He had forgotten Jirou’s presence as soon as Yuu had entered his mind. This was getting ridiculous. “Uh, no sorry, I was just in thought. Lemme see.” He stood up and rounded the table to take some of the folders from Jirou. He felt Jirou shift uncomfortably as he got close to him, but pretended as though he didn’t notice.

Quickly, he scammed through the first contract, then nodded his approval. “Looks good. You did a good job,” he praised, and from the corner of his eye, he saw Jirou blush furiously.

It reminded him of how Yuu used to blush all the time.

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Takanori crumpled the folder in his hands. Yuu had no right to occupy his mind all the damn time. It was ridiculous and wrong. There was absolutely no reason to think about him the whole time. Just like there was absolutely no reason to feel hurt. Just like there was absolutely no reason to feel lonely. To miss Yuu.

No, this was truly stupid.

 _You don’t miss Yuu, you just miss fucking him,_ he tried to convince himself, while abusing the papers in his hand even more. _You miss having someone at your beck and call whenever you need them. And that’s it. So go and find someone else!_

His gaze shifted to Jirou, who uttered a sound of confusion at the treatment Takanori bestowed upon the contract. It was really simple, wasn’t it? The answer was standing right in front of him.

Putting down the folder onto the desk, Takanori turned around to face Jirou. Ignoring the protesting voices in the back of his mind, he licked his lip lasciviously. A small feeling of triumph sparked up inside of him as he saw Jirou’s gaze drop to his lips and his cheeks blush instantly.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Jirou?” he purred, stepping closer until their toes almost touched.

The blush on Jirou’s face deepened. “Uh, sure?”

“Do you want to kiss me?”

“Huh?”

Takanori stepped even closer. He pried the files from Jirou’s hands, put them down on the desk, and seized Jirou’s tie to pull his head close. “Do you want to kiss me?” he whispered seductively.

“I-I do.” Again, his gaze dropped to Takanori’s lips.

Again, Takanori drew closer, fighting against every fiber of his body that yelled at him to stop this bullshit immediately, to quit what he was about to do. Instead, he brought his lips to Jirou’s until they almost touched. “Then go ahead.”

“A-are you sure?” Jirou stammered.

“Jirou.” Takanori’s voice was firm and commanding. “Kiss me.”

Finally, the paralegal complied.

Takanori closed his eyes as he felt Jirou’s lips smash against his. Not wasting any time, he kissed him back, pulling him closer by his tie. Then, he loosened his grip on the tie to grab Jirou’s hands and put them to his waist. He pressed his body close, and when Jirou gasped into their kiss, he shoved his tongue inside of his mouth.

His demanding moves seemed to encourage Jirou, and he seized Takanori by the hip, steering him backwards until his back collided with the desk.

Not breaking the kiss, Takanori climbed onto the table top, pulling Jirou between his legs. Desperately, he kissed him. Desperately, he wrapped his legs around his waist. Desperately, he kept his eyes closed as Jirou started to kiss his neck instead, occasionally moaning against his throat.

_Because I’m in love with you._

His eyes shot open, and Takanori froze. Yuu’s voice in his head felt like a wake-up slap. His heart started to beat incessantly, and he shuddered. For a brief moment, he had been able to fool himself. For a brief moment, he had made himself believe that this could work. That he wanted this.

But now, he felt like a filthy cheater. He felt like he was hurting Yuu even more with the things he was doing right now, no matter the fact that he couldn’t see him. He felt disgusted by himself. Disgusted and pathetic. And dirty.

A spine-chilling numbness overflowed him, and dazed, he stared up at the ceiling. Every kiss Jirou pressed to his neck made him shiver. Every touch he felt on his skin burnt him. Burnt him as though he was a traitor who was being punished and tortured for the crimes he had committed.

He felt Jirou palm his cock through his pants, and the nausea returned to his stomach. “Jirou, wait,” he pressed out, but his voice was hoarse and barely audible, even to his own ears.

Jirou, who hadn’t caught his whispers, continued to kiss his neck.

Desperately, Takanori closed his eyes as he pressed his lips into a thin line. What the hell was he doing? He had just contemplated about how he had hurt Yuu only minutes ago, and now he was willing to drag the next person down to lift himself up?

All the while all he could think of was Yuu.

Of how he had hurt him. Of how heartbroken he had looked as he had last walked out of his office, and it had felt as though he had been walking out of his life. Of how good it had made him feel to be with Yuu. To spend time with him. To be held by him. To be kissed by him. To be fucked by him.

Of how he had wronged him.

Of how he missed him.

_“What the fuck is going on here?!”_

The tone wasn’t just angry, it was disgusted. So much so that Jirou froze for a second, before he released Takanori and stumbled backwards a few steps. “I, uh… We, uh-”

Takanori would have been almost relieved, had it not been for the person who had barged into his office and who had interrupted them so harshly. He would have not cared much for any of it, had he not caught the unconcealed disgust on the intruder’s face.

“That’s none of your business,” he replied coldly instead, while jumping off the desk gracefully. “How may I help you, President Shiroyama?”

Shooting daggers at Takanori for his insolent words, meanwhile he ignored Jirou altogether, Eijirou Shiroyama approached him. Jirou shrunk back further against the wall, and cast his eyes downward. “My lawyers are done drafting our conditions for the merge. I thought I could discuss them with Hiroto immediately, but I was informed that he’s not present right now.” His disgust mixed with contempt, and he threw the file he had been holding onto the desk.

Takanori narrowed his eyes. He had always hated Eijirou Shiroyama’s guts, alone for the way he was treating Yuu. But even if he didn’t consider Yuu for once, his father was still the vilest person he had ever met. “My father’s on some long overdue vacation this week,” Takanori retorted coolly. “I’m sorry, the memo seems to have gotten lost on the way to you. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to deliver the draft to him personally once he gets back.”

Angrily, Yuu’s father clenched his jaw. He was about to say something, Takanori could see it in the way his black dead eyes stared at him.

“Thank you for dropping by.” To emphasize that their conversation was over, Takanori turned around and started to rearrange the files Jirou and he had messed up during their little make-out session.

 _Piss off, already!_ he thought as he was waiting for Eijirou Shiroyama to leave his office, which he eventually did while slamming the door shut loudly.

No matter how bad Takanori was, Eijirou Shiroyama truly was the most despicable person of them all.

 

* * *

 

“See, ma? Everything’s fine.”

Sighing, Yuu leaned back in his seat to grant his mother view to her laptop. He clicked around randomly to demonstrate to her that her laptop was working again flawlessly.

“You’re the best, honey!” she exclaimed overjoyed, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Yuu laughed dryly. He felt a smile trying to tuck at the corners of his mouth, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just felt empty inside. Not even the distraction of fixing his mother’s technological problems had been enough to get his mind – or his heart – off of his inner agony.

He tilted his head to crack his joints, and rose from his seat at the dinner table.

His mother looked up to him in surprise. “Are you leaving already?” she asked, disappointment lacing her voice.

“Yeah, I’m tired,” Yuu lied. Well, it wasn’t a lie per se. He had barely gotten any sleep the last few days. His mind had drifted around Takanori endlessly, and his heart had ached so much it felt as though it was about to burst at any second. But most of all, he simply wanted to avoid running into his father. Going back to his father’s firm had been hell. He had expected for Takanori to ask him to leave, and it had hurt like hell when he had finally asked him to. It had been even worse to face his father after he had avoided him for weeks.

Of course, his father had given him one of his infamous speeches in which he had described to Yuu for the gazillionth time just how much of a disappointment he was to him. About how he only took him back because he had no one else to take over his firm once he retired.

Yuu hated being back.

He hated every second of it.

He also hated acting as though everything was perfectly fine. As though he wasn’t about to fall to pieces any minute because of how fucking much it hurt. Because of how fucking much he missed Takanori.

“Can’t you at least stay for dinner?” His mother arose as well, and she caressed his cheek gingerly. “You look terrible, honey. Are you feeling well?” Her hand glided to his forehead. “You’re really pale. Have you been eating and sleeping enough?”

“Yes, ma,” he lied again. He had barely eaten anything; surely not the required amount for a grown adult. But he was still not feeling hungry. He had mostly lived off of vodka and cigarettes these last few days, which both helped kill his already miniscule appetite even more.

His mother’s response was cut off by the sound of the front door falling shut, and Yuu cursed inwardly. So much for avoiding his father.

“I’m home,” his father growled, and the _delightful_ tone of his voice caused Yuu to roll his eyes. Great. His father wasn’t only home, he was also in a mood. Which meant he would only put Yuu through even more shit than usual. It was high time for him to get out of here.

“Welcome home, dear,” his mother retorted, and though her voice sounded welcoming, Yuu saw the frown on her face. She, too, had picked up on his father’s foul mood.

As he heard steps approaching the dining room, Yuu quickly gathered his phone and keys. He saw the somber look his mother gave him, but shrugged silently. She knew too well that things would end in a disaster if he decided to stay. And he _truly_ wasn’t in a mood for another one of their fights tonight.

“What are you doing here?” His father gnarled as a greeting.

Yuu shook his head in disbelief. “It’s nice to see you too, father,” he hissed. “I was just helping ma with her laptop. Don’t worry, you’ll be rid of me in a minute. I don’t wanna ruin your precious evening by existing.” He turned around to his mother and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow, alright?”

They both flinched when a loud thud was heard. Yuu shot around and eyed his father suspiciously, who had thrown his briefcase to the floor in a fit of rage. “What the fuck is it with you _goddamn brats_ thinking you can behave however you want??! he exploded. “ _Show me some fucking respect!!_ ”

“Maybe if you showed me some for a change then it wouldn’t be a problem to return the favor!” Yuu snapped. He was so fucking tired of his father’s hostility.

“Please stop it, both of you!” his mother tried to intervene, and put her hand on Yuu’s chest to try and calm him.

“Return the favor?! You’re even worse than that _fucking faggot_!!”

Yuu felt a bolt of pain shoot through his whole body, before it drilled into his heart. He didn’t even know what hurt more; the insult or the thought of Takanori. “ _Don’t fucking call him that!!_ ” Yuu yelled back, and he pressed forward, thereby shaking off his mother’s hand. Part of him wondered what Takanori had done to piss his father off, but a bigger part of him screamed in agony at the thought of the blonde. Oh how he wished that he could see him again. How he wished that he could hold him again, kiss him again, just be with him again.

“I’ll call that little faggot whatever the fuck I want to call him!!” his father spew out in disgust. “If you had seen what I just saw, you would’ve been just as disgusted!”

“Why?” Yuu clenched his fists in anger. He didn’t even know why he bothered jumping to Takanori’s defense like that when all it did was make him hurt even more. Tear his heart apart and shatter it into a million pieces. “Did you see him put on some lipstick? Is that it?!” he mocked his father.

To his deep regret, his father elected to answer his question.

“I walked in on him making out with another little faggot, one of their paralegals. They were practically eating each other up. _What truly disgusting creatures!_ ” his father spit out, his voice dripping with repulsion.

Yuu felt as though someone had seized a blunt knife and was now trying to cut his heart in half with its dull blade. He gasped as the pain cut off his air, and he desperately swallowed down the tears that welled up his throat. “S-So what?” he whispered, his voice shaky and thin. “What’s it matter to you? _Why the fuck is it so bad if someone is gay?!_ ” He knew that Japan wasn’t the most open country about these kinds of things, but still, the homophobia his father held was above average. It was cruel, intolerant and ugly. And above all else, it hurt to the extreme. He knew that his father would never approve of him as it was, but to know how much he despised homosexuals took his breath away.

His father regarded him as though he was completely stupid. “Because it’s fucking disgusting!!” he roared. “These faggots should all get their cocks chopped off, since they obviously don’t deserve to call themselves men!”

Yuu’s face grew emotionless.

“ _Eijirou!_ ” his mother exclaimed in complete shock.

“No. You know what?” Yuu asked dryly, his voice deadly calm.

His father’s eyes narrowed, and they burned with anger. His hands clenched to fists, urging Yuu to dare speak his next words and receive his punishment.

“Yuu, that’s enough!” his mother hissed, and she seized his shoulder to hold him back.

However, Yuu was done with holding back. He was done with swallowing down everything. He shook off his mother’s hand, and took another step towards his father. “You’re the one who should get his cock chopped off,” he uttered bluntly, his tone of voice cold as ice. “You, and no one else, you _intolerant cunt_! You’re the one that’s disgusting, not these _faggots_.”

“ _You goddamn bastard!!_ ” his father screamed, voice roaring with deafening wrath. “ _I’ll fucking kill you!!_ ”

Yuu gasped in horror as his father shot forward, and seized his throat with one of his large hands. He felt him tighten his grip, and Yuu coughed as his breath got cut off momentarily.

“Eijirou, stop!” his mother squealed in terror, and she gripped her husband’s lower arm in an attempt to get him to stop suffocating Yuu. “ _Release him right now!_ ”

“Go ahead,” Yuu managed to squeeze out between coughs; his lungs were starting to burn from the lack of air. “Kill me.” His father loosened his grip ever so slightly as his mother continued to pull at his arm to try and shove her away, allowing Yuu to gasp for air ever so briefly. “That’s what you want, isn’t it? You wish I were dead, so you didn’t have to deal with me anymore.”

His father’s head jerked around as he took his eyes off his wife to look at Yuu again, and with the shift of focus, the force he exerted on Yuu’s throat grew again. “You think you’re so fucking smart, don’t you?” he spit out. “You always act so goddamn clever, when in fact, you don’t know shit.” He released his grip and pushed Yuu backwards, who crashed into one of the dining chairs. “I don’t wish you were dead,” his father explained, his voice void of any form of emotion; there was neither affection, nor rage.

“I wish you had never been born in the first place.”

Yuu felt as though he was being chocked all over again. His hand shot up to his abused throat as he desperately gasped for air. His father’s words burnt more than the lack of oxygen in his lungs. He had always known that his father despised him with all of his being. He had just never anticipated how much he wanted him gone.

Tuning out his mother’s enraged words with which she ordered his father to take back his words, Yuu simply straightened up. Feeling numb, he pushed past his parents. He felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder again, but ferociously wriggled free of her grip as he stumbled out of the dining room and into the hallway. He coughed, and his throat burnt painfully. Quickly, he put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket, and stormed out of his parents’ house before his mother had caught up with him.

Falling into a sprint, he hasted to his car. As he dropped down onto the driver’s seat, he saw his mother traverse the front yard in the rearview mirror. Gritting his teeth together, he hastily ignited the engine. Then he sped away without looking back again.

 

A few miles into town, he pulled over to the side of the road. Panting loudly, he tried to catch his breath, but still felt as though his father was suffocating him. He still felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

Trying to take deep breaths, he rested his head on the headrest and closed his eyes. He blindly felt for the switch, and opened the window. The cool air caressed his skin, and soothed his face that was burning hotly due to his upset state. He inhaled deeply, and coughed as the cold air stung sharply in his sore throat.

When he could finally breathe again properly, he opened his eyes, and pressed the switch down to close the window again. With trembling fingers, he tucked a few strands back that had been blown astray by the cold wind. It felt like everything was crashing down on him at the same time like a tsunami. It drowned him below a cold, merciless wave of water, and pulled him down into the dark and lonely depths of a bottomless ocean called anguish.

He didn’t even notice the tears that spilled out of him until he got shaken by violent sobs. Crying by himself, Yuu wrapped his arms around his torso, as though this gesture could somehow prevent him from falling apart completely. He wished Yutaka were there, like he had been a few days ago. He wished his best friend were there to comfort him, to pull him close as he was crumbling to pieces.

More so than that, he wished that Takanori were there with him.

While Takanori was so obviously busy with moving on and finding himself someone else to _fuck as a pastime_ , he missed him so goddamn much that the suffocating feeling returned. He needed him so badly right now. He needed him like he had never needed anyone before.

Takanori had always been the only one who had been able to calm him down after one of his fights with his father. The only one who had been able to lift him up, to pick up the pieces his father left in his wake and put them back together. And now, he was all alone.

_I wish you had never been born in the first place._

Closing his eyes as he was hit by another wave of violent sobs, Yuu dug his fingernails into his upper arms painfully. But no matter how much he wished he could get rid of his inner agony this way, the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional one, as the deepest, darkest thoughts swallowed him up completely.

_So do I._

 

* * *

 

With a groan of frustration, Takanori downed his glass of red wine in one go.

He wrapped the woolen blanket around himself, and muted the TV, which showed a rerun of an old and popular American TV show. One which, of course – how else could it be – dealt with topics like friendship, love and betrayal. As though he needed a reminder of how messed up his own love life was.

He pulled his knees close to his upper body, and placed his lower arms on top of them.

He felt so terribly ashamed of himself.

As soon as Eijirou Shiroyama had left his office, he had ushered Jirou out of the room under the false excuse that he needed some time alone to look through the Shiroyamas’ conditions before he showed them to his father. In truth, he didn’t give a flying fuck about them. If anything, the thought of their merge felt him to the brim with anxiety. How was he supposed to deal with Yuu and their whole situation? How was he supposed to deal with seeing him on a regular basis, with working together side by side after he had basically dumped him?

How would Yuu deal?

What made him just as anxious was the thought that Yuu’s father had caught them in the act when Takanori had – stupidly – tried to find solace elsewhere. He dreaded that he might have told Yuu about it somehow, and made him hurt even more. All because Takanori had naively thought he could just fuck his problems away with some random guy once again.

Why, oh why was he so fucking messed up?

Why did he think that getting fucked by some men would make him feel better? Why did he think that getting fucked would somehow help him heal? Sure, it had worked in Yuu’s case, but who was to say it would work with anyone else? It surely hadn’t worked before he had met Yuu.

_Sleeping with him wasn’t what fixed you, though, was it?_

Takanori dropped his forehead onto his arms and groaned in despair.

No.

He didn’t want to think about this. He refused to think about this. He refused to consider other possibilities. Possibilities that scared the fuck out of him. Possibilities that made his heart race unbearably fast.

Like it did whenever he so much as thought about Yuu. Whenever he so much at looked at him. Whenever he so much as heard his voice.

_Fuckfuckfuck!_

He truly didn’t want to think about any of this. He didn’t return Yuu’s feelings – he just couldn’t. He just couldn’t bear it. It was too painful and scary.

He didn’t have feelings for Yuu.

He wasn’t supposed to.

If anything, he was supposed to still be in love with Akira. He was supposed to still suffer from the greatest heartache he had ever lived through. He was supposed to still struggle with getting over his ex.

But in reality, he hadn’t even thought about Akira in a while now.

Instead, his mind had been occupied with Yuu.

Even when he had shamelessly tried to get involved with Jirou in a false belief that he needed some random guy to get over his broken heart, all he had been able to think about had been Yuu. He knew that it had been beyond stupid to try and get things on with Jirou. It had been a desperate attempt to run away from his problems.

From his confusing feelings that raged on inside of him untamed.

And no matter how desperately he tried to find a solution to his problems, to find a cure for the confusing mess that were his emotions, he was stuck in a cycle. It hadn’t worked to get screwed by strangers to get over Akira. It also wouldn’t work to screw random men to get over Yuu.

Hell, he wasn’t even supposed to have to get over Yuu in the first place.

Holding onto a false promise of an uncommitted arrangement, he had blindly balanced on a tightrope named Yuu Shiroyama, with what he had assumed to be a safety net beneath to catch him if he tumbled and fell. If things had gone awry, this safety net ought to have caught him and prevent him from taking any damage in his fall. Too late had he realized that the net hadn’t been one to safely break his fall at all. Instead, it had turned out to be a sticky spider’s web that had entrapped him mercilessly, making it impossible for him to break free.

He was like an insect that had blindly been trapped in vicious strings of death and damnation.

All he had wanted was to get over Akira. To forget him, and to find consolation until things would start to hurt less.

And now, he was in a whole other kind of pain. One he hadn’t even meant to submit his heart to.

Growling, Takanori reached for the bottle of wine and took a sip straight from the bottle, instead of bothering to pour himself a glass. This was all so fucking confusing and agonizing. He hadn’t meant to grow attached to Yuu. He hadn’t meant for them to grow problematic. He had lived in a land of make-believe in which he had thought they could stay in forever like this, no complications, no hurt, no feelings, no nothing.

And now, all of that was gone.

And he wanted it back so badly.

He wanted Yuu back so badly.

“Shit.” With a loud thud, he placed the bottle onto the coffee table. Then, he snatched up his phone, and dialed Kouyou’s number. He didn’t even know whether his friend was still at work, he had lost track of time while he had been wallowing in a lake of self-pity and self-loathing.

“You okay?”

Takanori sighed in relief when he heard his best friend’s voice. Immediately, he felt a bit better. If only ever so slightly.

“Hey, Shima,” he greeted. Then, he tugged at his lower lip with his teeth briefly. “Not really. I think I’m losing my mind.”

Kouyou remained silent for a while, and Takanori heard some rustling; Kouyou seemed to have settled down in preparations of a longer talk. He felt a bolt of gratefulness flow through him. No matter the time, no matter the circumstances, Kouyou was always there for him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with a calm, analytical voice.

He took a deep breath. He hadn’t actually thought of what to tell Kouyou exactly. He had only ever briefly told him about Yuu’s confession and how he had broken things off with him afterwards. Kouyou had held back with any judgmental comments, and though Takanori had been grateful at the time, now he wished that Kouyou would speak what was truly on his mind.

“I don’t know what to do,” he began quietly. “I thought that everything was straight and simple, you know? I thought everything was easy, and now… nothing makes sense anymore. I’m so fucking confused, and it’s driving me crazy. It seems no matter what I do, I keep screwing up. And what’s worse, I don’t even realize how badly I screw up until it’s too late. And then, when I try to somehow fix things, I just end up making an even bigger mess. But that’s still not the worst part.” He paused, and huffed in frustration.

Again, Kouyou remained silent for a moment. “Is this about Yuu?” he finally inquired.

His voice wasn’t hostile at all, which relieved Takanori marginally. At the same time, he felt a knot form in his stomach, and his heart skipped a beat. “I don’t know. I guess so?” he admitted crestfallen. “It just wasn’t supposed to be like this. You know Yuu was supposed to help me distract myself from Akira. He was supposed to help me get over him or whatever, and I’m not sure but I think it might’ve worked, but now… Now I can’t stop thinking about him, and… it just wasn’t supposed to _happen_.” He closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees. “He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with me, and I thought breaking things off was the right thing to do, but now it feels so wrong. It feels as though I made a huge mistake. And every time I’m at work, hell, every time I’m at home I can’t stop thinking about him, and…”

_… and stop missing him._

Of course, he was too cowardly to say that last part out loud. He was too cowardly to admit the truth out loud.

“I don’t know what to do,” he repeated, his voice shaky and unsure.

“Hmm,” Kouyou hummed as he contemplated the things Takanori had just told him. “Taka, what is it that you want?”

Takanori frowned. “Huh?” He lifted his head and narrowed his eyes as he stared at the shape of his feet, which were wrapped in the blanket. “I want your advice,” he said confused, not getting the jest of what Kouyou was on about. He thought he had made his confusion pretty clear.

“I’m not talking about me. What is it that you want from Yuu?”

His heart skipped yet another beat. “What I want from Yuu?” he repeated silently. He had never thought about it this way. What did he want from Yuu? “I want things to go back to the way they were.”

But that wasn’t true, now was it?

“Are you sure that’s what you truly want?”

Takanori flinched as Kouyou saw through him within seconds. No, it wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want things to go back to the way they were. Not really. Because if he wanted to go back to the way things were, it meant that he wanted Yuu to lose his feelings for him.

Which couldn’t be further from the truth.

And once again, he felt like a selfish piece of shit.

“I don’t know what I want from him, okay? I just don’t fucking know.”

But that wasn’t true either. Deep down, he knew exactly what he wanted. Deep down, buried underneath tons of heartache and pain, he knew exactly what he craved. He was just too damn afraid to admit it to himself.

Kouyou made another humming sound, and Takanori could literally see him tilt his head as he trawled through that smart head of his to find a solution to Takanori’s dilemma – since he himself seemed so incapable of dealing with his own stupid problems. “I think you should take some time off,” he finally spoke again. “You need to get out of your apartment, maybe even out of the city. How about you visit your parents down in Kamakura? That’s my advice for you. Take some time for yourself. You need to figure out what you truly want, Taka. You know I’m always happy to help you, but I think this is something you need to do by yourself. Someplace where you can get your mind off of everything else.”

In other words, Kouyou was advising him to face the scariest thing that hid in his closet.

His own feelings.

And he knew that Kouyou was right.

He had dreaded it already.

Feelings his shoulders slouch in defeat, Takanori tilted his head to look at the TV. On screen, he saw one of the female protagonists jump happily into the arms of one of her male co-leads, after he had apparently confessed his feelings to her. A painful sting shot through his heart. This was the complete opposite of how he had reacted to Yuu’s confession.

The visualization made him feel even worse.

“I guess you’re right,” he whispered. He couldn’t bear the agony anymore. He knew he had to deal with this. Yuu had tried to distance himself from Takanori in a misled attempt to try and fix things. And Takanori felt as though he had made an even greater mistake in trying to fix them.

In trying to fix something that might not have needed fixing to begin with.

At least not this way.

Instead of fixing things, he had just broken them even more. And now it was upon him to deal with the aftermath of what he had done.

“Thanks for always setting me straight, Kou.”

Kouyou laughed tentatively. “I didn’t do much. And we still have to wait for the results, so don’t thank me yet.”

Takanori felt himself smile at the doctor-esque phrasing of Kouyou’s words. “Still. Thanks for putting up with my stupid ass.”

“Always,” Kouyou replied, the grin audible in his voice. “Gotta watch out for my baby brother, don’t I?”

Rolling his eyes, Takanori shook his head. This time, however, he refrained from sulking over Kouyou’s teasing words. For if it wasn’t for him, he truly would crash and burn, that much Takanori was certain of.

They said their goodbyes, and with his heart feeling a bit lighter, Takanori hung up.

Though as soon as he thought about the prospect of dealing with his own feelings instead of running away from them, he felt anxiety creep up inside of him again. As though it had simply taken a nap while he had talked to Kouyou.

Swallowing down his anxiety, he checked the clock on his phone, and was relieved to see that it wasn’t unreasonably late yet. So with another deep breath, he dialed the next number.

“Hey, uncle Yoshirou! I’m sorry to disturb you this late. I have a favor to ask of you.”

It was time to drag that ugly monster out of the darkest corner of his closet and fight it head on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have NO IDEA how much I'm looking forward to post the next chapter. It's one of my favorites, if I dare say so tehehe~
> 
> (Yes, Takanori is a big dumbass LOL)
> 
> Thank you so much for your support ♥


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dare I say I'm actually really proud of this chapter? Ahhh, I've been craving to post it for ages. I'm so so curious what you guys will think!
> 
> Also, a song recommendation for y'all~ This song just always reminds me of this story and the relationship between Takanori and Yuu. And it came on earlier today, so I thought why not share it when I post today's chapter~?
> 
> [♥](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsGTKdv-oFk)

Putting down his chopsticks, Takanori sighed happily. “This was delicious, mom.”

His mother smiled at his compliment, and started to stack up their dinner plates. “I’m happy to hear that,” she responded mildly. “I’m glad to see that your appetite has returned, sweetheart.” She reached across the table and patted his lower arm with a warm smile. Then, her face became contemplative. “You know… I wasn’t exactly overjoyed when your father told me about your… activities. But even I gotta admit that you have started to look a lot healthier again. I’m just really glad about that.”

Takanori felt himself blush, and he lowered his gaze in shame. It was true; he owed Yuu so much. And how had he thanked him? By chasing him away just because he had been too damn afraid to face his own feelings.

“How are things going with Yuu?” His father joined in on their conversation. “I gotta admit I was a bit surprised that he left the firm on such short notice. Is everything alright with him?”

With an uncomfortably tight knot forming in his stomach, Takanori began to fidget with his napkin. He still hadn’t told his parents anything. He had informed them on the phone that he was going to join them in their vacation house in Kamakura for the weekend, but he hadn’t given any explicit reasons as to why. So of course they had been destined to get to the subject of his and Yuu’s relationship.

Folding the napkin nervously, Takanori kept staring at his hands as he felt a deep blush of shame tinge his cheeks. “I, uh… we’re… we’re not really seeing each other at the moment,” he whispered.

He could see his parents exchange surprised looks from beneath his lashes. Then, questioningly, their eyes wandered to him, but he kept his gaze downcast, too ashamed and too cowardly to face them head-on. Just like his feelings.

His father was the first one to break the silence. “Why’s that? He seemed… very fond of you.”

Takanori shrugged vaguely. “It’s complicated.”

He heard the distinct sound of paws on wood, and a few seconds later, Koron came trotting into the dining room. Apparently, he had finally woken up from his deep slumber in the living room.

“What happened?” His mother chimed in. She had halted in her task of clearing the table as soon as the topic had switched to Yuu. She seemed to misinterpret Takanori’s guilt-ridden expression for one of pain, and grabbed his hand this time. “Did he tell you what’s wrong?”

“It’s not like that. It’s not him, it’s me,” he quietly admitted. “I just… I just don’t know what I want, and it’s driving me insane.” He finally dared to look up at his parents, who both looked concerned but understanding. “That’s why I came here. To figure things out, I guess.”

He tilted his head to look down at Koron, who had reached his position and was now alternating between trying to jump up into his lap and tugging at his pants to get his attention. When Takanori looked at him, Koron whined loudly.

“I’m gonna take Koron for a walk if it’s okay with you,” he said hastily before his parents could comment on the state of his confused feelings. It was still hard for him to talk about it, though he knew trying to figure out his feelings was the sole reason why he had come here.

His parents simply nodded; sometimes he wished they weren’t this understanding and lenient. Sometimes he wished they would simply shout at him, and tell him what a stupid idiot he was. It wasn’t even like they were walking on egg-shells around him because of his break-up with Akira. They had always been this caring and patient with him. And he was eternally grateful for their support.

Still, he wished that there had been someone to keep him from making one stupid mistake after the other. Someone to set him straight and not let him screw things up even more, like he had done in his fear.

He rose from his chair, and Koron barked happily. “Alright, alright, let’s go outside, munchkin.”

Koron followed his every footstep as he walked out of the dining room and into the hallway to dress up and fetch the leash.

 

 

He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air. It tasted like the salty sea and autumn, and he felt his muscles relax as the cold wind caressed his face. The faint sound of the waves rushing against the shore was like a lullaby, and he felt the tension fall from his shoulders as though it was being washed away by the sea.

He had always loved to come here. They had spent many summers here in Kamakura when he had still been a child, and though the visits to their vacation house had become a little less frequent after he had graduated high school, it was still a very dear and important place to his family. Almost like a sanctuary. He had always loved to spend the summers here, but deep down he preferred to come down to Kamakura during the colder seasons; when the beach wasn’t filled with people except for a few stray strollers like himself.

Koron also seemed to appreciate it a lot. He was jumping around freely, unbound by any leash, chasing after a few birds here and there or barking at the mild waves.

With a smile, Takanori walked over to one of the benches that were situated at the foot of the dunes, and watched as Koron ran from one spot to the next, always finding something new and exciting to explore. The view of the dog jumping around so happily and freely lifted the weight off Takanori’s heart partly. He could practically feel the light carelessness Koron exuded, and he became aware that he was very well capable of relating to him. He, too, had experienced this feeling of lightness, this feeling of joy, this feeling of pure, untainted bliss.

He had felt it with Yuu.

Feeling his heart ache at the thought of what he had forsaken, Takanori bit down on his lower lip. The bite wasn’t enough to distract him from the emotional pain, and once more, he closed his eyes. Once more, he took a deep breath.

The wind caressed his cheek gingerly, and for a moment, it felt as though Yuu’s fingers brushed his skin. He opened his eyes, half expecting Yuu to show up in his vision, grinning brightly, his cheeks blushed a deep red.

Of course, no one was there when he opened his eyes.

Takanori felt another painful sting in his heart. He had never thought he would miss Yuu like this. He had never thought he would need Yuu like this. That he would want him like this.

It hurt.

What hurt even more was the knowledge of the things he could have had. Of the things he had given up out of fear. And now, he wasn’t sure how to go about trying to get them back; whether he could get them back in the first place.

All he knew was that he couldn’t get Yuu out of his head. He also knew that Yuu was different from any other man he had met. He was different from all these other men he had slept with after he had found out about Akira’s adultery. None of them had meant anything. None of them, except for Yuu.

For Yuu hadn’t distracted him from his broken heart.

He had mended it.

Even though the truth had lingered just below the surface for a long time, Takanori felt completely overwhelmed by the realization nevertheless. It was like he had been going through life with a bad eyesight and had only now gotten a pair of glasses to finally see clearly again.

And what he saw was Yuu.

All he saw was Yuu.

Yuu was the one who mattered. Yuu was the one who had taken the weight off his shoulders bit by bit, who had knocked down his walls piece by piece, and who had embraced his broken heart. He was the one who brought him the same lightness that made Koron jump around the beach. He was the one who brought him happiness, without offering a single thing in return.

And he had screwed everything up.

With a groan, Takanori dug the tip of his foot into the ground, spewing sand everywhere. “I’m so stupid!” he muttered to himself, and kicked the sand once more as though it was to blame for his stupidity.

Being alarmed by his distress, Koron came running towards the bench with a whimper. Tail between his legs, he looked up to Takanori with big dark eyes; an image of complete adorableness had it not been for the sad face the dog was making.

With a silent laugh, Takanori lifted him up. He held him above his head for a second, then pressed his forehead against Koron’s warm body. “I’m really stupid, Koron-chan,” he mused. He cradled the dog in his arms, who looked up to him with tilted head, his ears twitching as though he was listening to every single word intently. “I sent Yuu away because I was so fucking afraid.” He laughed dryly, and squeezed Koron’s paws that were dirtied with sand. He didn’t mind. “Do you think I can still fix this?” He squeezed the paws again, then bowed down to press a kiss to Koron’s head. He had been so afraid to accept his feelings that he had pushed Yuu away instead of opening up to him. Instead of giving them a chance.

And now, it might have been too late.

“Sometimes I wish you could talk,” he mumbled as he looked at Koron; the dog panted happily, and gave a small bark. “I wish you understood what I’m saying. I could really use some advice.”

Suddenly, the dog stiffened.

Takanori frowned. For a moment, he contemplated making a joke about Koron apparently being able to understand him after all. But then, he saw his ears twitch, before he turned his head. His whole body seemed alarmed, and Takanori felt an uneasiness arise in him.

“Hey, Taka-chan.”

Koron started to bark incessantly.

Takanori felt his head turn around as though he was caught in slow motion, and in utter disbelief, he stared up at the person who had approached their positon without him taking notice. “What are you doing here?!” he pressed out aghast, and he blinked several times as though the person in front of him would disappear this way; as though he was nothing more than a mirage.

Uninvited, Akira sat down on the bench beside him.

Takanori felt himself stiffen just like Koron had minutes ago. Koron had stopped barking, but was growling at Akira threateningly now. In a calming manner, Takanori ruffed his fur to soothe him. He felt his chest tighten at the sight of Akira. It was still hard to look at him. It was still impossible to not picture him fucking other guys. It was still unimaginable for him to ever not hurt over this. Just as unimaginable as ever forgiving Akira for what he had done.

However, instead of the old, familiar feeling of despair, a comfortably numb indifference took root inside of him at the sight of his ex-boyfriend.

“I missed you,” Akira replied quietly.

He frowned, and scrutinized Akira with narrowed eyes. No matter how difficult it still was to look at him, this time, Takanori refused to look away. He refused to back down. He had come here to face his inner demons, and Akira was the biggest of them all. He would have lied if he had said that he was totally unaffected by his ex-boyfriend showing up here and saying these kinds of things, but it didn’t tear his heart apart like it used to, either.

All because of Yuu.

“I… I know you’re hurt and angry. And I know what you said last time, but… God, I’ve missed you so much.” Akira lifted his hand to his face, but dropped it back down immediately when Koron barked at him angrily. “I swung by your office but you weren’t there. And one of the secretaries informed me that you were here, so…”

“So you thought you’d drive here and pester me, even though I explicitly told you that I never want to see your face again?”

Akira flinched at his harsh words. He also evaded Takanori’s gaze, while his eyes rested on him vigorously. He had reached the end of the rope, he was at the end of his patience. And he was tired of telling Akira the same things over and over again like a broken record.

Shoulders slouched, Akira adjusted the collar of his white leather jacket. Takanori couldn’t help but notice the almost non-existent difference between the white of his jacket and the paleness of his cheeks. He looked awful. As though he had spent a countless amount of sleepless nights. Much like he had done after their breakup.

_Good._

“I know what you said. But please, Taka, I’m begging you.” Akira finally dared to look up to him, his eyes seemed broken and defeated. “I’m so sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt you. I… I made a huge mistake. I took you for granted, and… and I made the biggest mistake of my life. Repeatedly. I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I’m begging you to give me a chance to make it up to you. You’re the only one that matters to me. The only one that has ever mattered to me, I swear to you. I should’ve never done these things to you. You were right, I’m the one who screwed up. And I just continued to screw up. I should’ve never started dating Hideshi, I only did it to... I don’t know.” He huffed, and ruffed his blond strands in frustration. “I’m not good at this talking stuff. I guess I did it to fill the void in me after you left. And I know now that it was wrong.” He fell silent, and pressed his lips together.

For the first time, Takanori could spot something akin to shame on his features.

He also felt his walls close up around his heart at record speed, shutting out Akira as well as each and every word he uttered. Even if he had been able to forgive Akira; he would never take him back. He would never give him a second chance. He would never trust him again.

Oblivious to his thoughts, Akira tugged at the hem of his jacket nervously. Koron was still growling at him, and it left him in unmistakable distress. “I broke up with him. I should’ve never gotten with him in the first place. I should’ve dumped him immediately. God, if only I hadn’t agreed to go to that work party on that day, then I would’ve never me-“

“I don’t give a shit where you met him,” Takanori interrupted him coldly. “Or under which circumstances.” It truly didn’t matter where he had met the _third_ of his hookups. It wouldn’t have mattered if he had never met him; the damage had already been done at that point.

Akira winced as though Koron had bit him. “I-I know, I’m sorry,” he stammered. “I just meant to say that… that I deeply regret the things I’ve done. You’re the only one that matters to me. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved, and the only one I will ever love. So please, I’m begging you. Please give me another chance. Please give me a chance to fix us. I know I can make it up to you if you gave me the chance. I know I could become the man you deserve. I-“

“No.”

Takanori’s voice was cold as ice.

He had heard enough. He didn’t even fully know why he had listened to Akira in the first place. Maybe he had needed it. Maybe he had needed to hear him say these words, to once more beg him to take him back. So he could come to terms with his own feelings. So he could finally get the closure he had so desperately needed all this time. And in a way, he was even grateful for Akira to have shown up here so uninvited. Because the clearer he got about his feelings for him, the clearer he could grasp his feelings for Yuu as well; and leave that maddening confusion behind once and for all.

“W-What do you mean, no?” Akira whispered fearfully. “Have you not listened? I just told you that you’re the only one I ever-“

“Oh I heard you,” Takanori interrupted him once more. “And the answer’s no. You’ve had your chance. You’ve broken my trust, there’s nothing left to fix. I could never trust you again, even if I wanted to.”

Which he didn’t.

He pressed Koron close to his body by instinct, as though his little body could give him some reassurance. However, he realized that he didn’t need it. He wasn’t going to fall to pieces any second, he wasn’t about to start crying. Not over Akira. Never again over Akira. “So you’ve had an awakening? Good for you. Guess what? So did I. And you know what? I deserve better than you.” He knew that his words were cruel. But he also knew that they were true.

He could finally see it.

He could finally believe it.

He deserved better than Akira. Much better. He still wasn’t convinced that he deserved Yuu, though that was a whole other debate.

Akira’s face fell and what little color had remained in his cheeks drained completely. “I-I don’t understand. What are you saying? Please, Taka, please don’t do this. I love you. I love you so fucking much.” Tears pricked at his eyes, and despite his respect of Koron, he still leaned over to grab Takanori’s hand. “Please, I love you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness yet, but I know I can make this right if you let me. Please, Taka!”

Takanori pulled his hand away forcefully. “I said it’s over.”

“No, baby, please don’t say this. I love you!”

Unfazed, Takanori stood up, still carrying Koron in his arms. He looked directly at Akira when he spoke, his expression as unwavering as his tone of voice. “But I don’t love you anymore.”

As soon as the words were out, he felt an immeasurable weight lift off his chest and his heart. It felt liberating. It felt true. It felt real. Of course, a part deep within him would always have feelings for Akira, but they no longer dominated his heart. They no longer dictated his actions.

He turned around and started to walk up the small path between the dunes.

He had taken a few steps when he heard Akira finally jump to his feet and rush after him. “N-No, hold on!” he shouted, passing Takanori and coming to a halt right in front of him. “You don’t really mean that.” Tears shimmered in his eyes. “Right?”

“I’m afraid I do mean it.” Takanori took a deep breath to try and hide his annoyance. Getting closure had helped immensely, but now he was getting tired of Akira’s stubbornness. When would he finally understand that it was over? That there was absolutely nothing left to salvage?

That Takanori had finally moved on?

A single tear escaped Akira’s eye, but just the blink of an eye later, his hurt shifted to anger, and his eyes glinted. “It’s because of that Yuu, isn’t it? He took you from me, _that fucking bastard_!”

“ _No,_ ” Takanori hissed, feeling rage shoot through his veins as Akira tried to blame Yuu for this. As he tried to blame anyone but himself yet again. “It’s because of _you_! This is because of what _you_ did! Stop blaming other people for the things _you_ screwed up. It’s time you take responsibility for the things you’ve done, and accept their consequences. And one of them is losing me!”

Koron barked affirmatively as though to emphasize Takanori’s words.

Dumbfounded, Akira stared at him. Stared at him as Takanori watched his face fall and his expression grow blank. As he watched reality finally seep in Akira’s mind. As he watched his body shrink down in defeat. He just stood there, speechless, as he finally got his reckoning. As the consequences of his betrayal finally drowned him in the bottomless ocean.

Shaking his head, Takanori passed him; Koron couldn’t refrain from growling at Akira once more.

A few more steps, and once again he heard Akira. Though this time, he wasn’t following him. This time, only his voice chased after him, broken and defeated. “Are you in love with him?”

Takanori halted in his tracks. Briefly, he glanced over his shoulder. Akira stood there like a ghost, pale and tired. Like a ghost of Takanori’s past.

He considered shrugging him off for a moment, but then decided against it. He had sworn to not run from his true feelings anymore. Not to deny them anymore. Not to himself, nor to anyone else. Even if that person happened to be his ex.

“I am.”

 

 

Takanori rolled onto his side, readjusted the pillow and sighed. He might have finally admitted his feelings for Yuu, but he was still no closer to a solution of how to fix things with him. If he was able to fix them. What if Yuu brushed him off? What if he rejected him? What if he had hurt Yuu too much for him to take him back, to give him another chance?

What if he was just like Akira, unworthy of a second chance after the havoc he had caused?

He felt Koron snuggle up to his stomach, and started to pat the dog absent-mindedly. The purring body next to his made him feel a little less miserable, though it didn’t manage to chase away his anxiety.

He might have finally been honest about his feelings, but he had no clue how to go about them. He was still scared. He was still afraid that things wouldn’t work out. That something would go wrong. That he was going to get hurt again.

But he was also scared of losing Yuu. Of losing what they had. Of missing out on what they could have if he stopped being this fucking scared. Of missing out on what they could have if Yuu forgave him.

“FUCK!” With a scream of frustration that made Koron flinch and whine in horror, Takanori rolled onto his back again. In an apologetic gesture, he lifted Koron onto his stomach, and scratched him between his ears affectionately. With his free hand, he blindly felt around for his phone. Once he had found it on the mattress next to him, he opened his list of contacts, and scrolled through the names.

Temporarily, he halted at Akira’s name.

Gnawing at his lower lip, his finger hovered only inches above the name. Then, he inhaled deeply. A few clicks later, and he had blocked the number. Another weight lifted off his chest, and Takanori took a deep breath to ease the tension in his body. He continued scrolling, and halted again when he arrived at another name.

_Yuu Shiroyama._

He stared at the name for a second.

Stared at it for another one.

Stared at it some more.

And closed the list of contacts.

Then, he opened his message app. With another deep breath, he deleted the thread with Akira’s messages. With another feeling of relief, he felt more weight lift off him.

With another wave of dread, his finger once more hovered over Yuu’s name.

And once again, he closed the app.

Another sound of frustration left him, and even the thought that talking to Yuu face-to-face would surely be better didn’t help alleviate the utter feeling of cowardice in his chest. He wasn’t some gentleman, he wasn’t noble – he was a huge fucking coward, nothing more and nothing less.

Instead of facing his own cowardice, however, he opened the photo gallery. Meticulously, he started to sort through each and every picture, thoroughly deleting any trace of Akira from his phone like he had done to his heart, until not a single one remained.

Being too caught up in swiping through his pictures, Takanori didn’t even fully realize that the latest pictures didn’t show Akira anymore. That he had already deleted every single one of them. Instead, he kept sorting through the pictures as though he was hypnotized.

Until finally, he arrived at a particular photo.

He felt a pit open in his stomach, and his heart skipped a beat.

He had just gone through another stack of various aesthetic photos when he had stumbled upon this one. It showed Yuu, seated on a bench in a café in one of Tokyo’s malls, spoon shoved into his mouth, and a surprised but utterly cute look on his face as he realized that Takanori was pointing the camera at him. His cheeks were reddened, as though his body had taken up on his precarious situation before his mind had, and his eyes were shining with warmth.

Feeling his heart ache, Takanori slowly sat up. Koron whined as he interrupted his little slumber, but Takanori didn’t even take notice of it; mechanically, he placed Koron next to him on the mattress. His eyes were glued to the screen as he stared at the picture of Yuu.

A paralyzing feeling of agony hit him like a ton of bricks.

His heart ached so much it felt as though it was going to tear his chest apart, and rip it wide open for everyone to see. The pit in his stomach felt like a black hole that usurped any feeling of happiness. The hand clutching his phone began to tremble, and his vision started to blur.

Similar to the rest of his feelings he harbored for Yuu, the heartache got dragged into the light.

He missed Yuu so much it took his breath away.

He missed Yuu so much he felt as though he couldn’t breathe properly.

He missed every inch of Yuu, every part of him that had grown so familiar to him. He missed his long, dark hair. He missed his comforting scent. He missed his deep, melodic voice. He missed his warm, dark eyes. He missed his touches. He missed his kisses. He missed his smile that could light up Takanori’s whole world. He missed his laughter that still rang in his ears.

He missed him more than he had ever thought possible.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

Takanori startled as he heard his mother’s voice, and looked up to her in a daze. She was standing in the doorway, carrying a cup of tea in her hand.

He opened his mouth to reassure her, to lie to her and tell her everything was fine. But no word left his lips. Instead, he felt a few stray tears escape his eyes, and run down his cheeks.

Hurriedly, his mother put the cup of tea down on one of the dressers, and walked over to him. “What’s wrong, honey?” she asked worriedly, and he felt her thumbs caress his wet cheeks.

“I made a terrible mistake,” he whispered hoarsely. “I-I told Yuu to leave because I didn’t know what I wanted. Because I was too afraid to admit how I felt about him. And now I don’t know what to do about it.”

His mother sat down beside him, his face still cradled in her hands. “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” She leant forward and kissed his forehead. Then, she looked at him intently, dark warm eyes that reminded him painfully of Yuu’s scrutinizing him. “Do you know now what you want?”

Pressing his lips together to suppress more tears that threatened to stream down his cheeks, he nodded slightly. “I want Yuu back. I want him back so badly.” He sniveled, and lowered his gaze. “I just don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to fix this.” He didn’t even know if Yuu still wanted him after what he had put him through. After how cruelly he had broken his heart in a misled attempt to preserve his own.

“Don’t you?”

He looked up in surprise. The sorrow and compassion that had shone in her eyes only moments ago were now replaced by an almost intimidating stubborn glint. He had always known that his mother was as fierce as she was compassionate, and yet, it still gave him chills. Her gaze was almost challenging. Daring him to stop being a coward. To heed his own words and own up to the consequences of his actions.

“I gotta apologize to him. I hurt him a lot.” Takanori lowered his head in shame. Realizing it was one thing, but saying it out loud made him feel even worse. “I gotta beg him for forgiveness.” And if he was lucky, Yuu would grant it to him. If the damage he had caused hadn’t been fatal to his trust, to his feelings, to their relationship.

Encouragingly, his mother patted his thigh. “That’s my boy,” she mused proudly. With the hem of her shirt, she cleaned his face of any remaining tearstains, and smiled at him. “Go get him back.”

He pressed a kiss to his mother’s cheek, and rose from the bed. “Thanks, mom.” Even though she hadn’t said much, she had still manage to rekindle the fighting spirit in him. He would fight to get Yuu back. He would beg him to give him a chance. To give them a chance.

A real one this time.

He started to run around his room like a scared cat, and collected his clothes to throw them into his suitcase messily. “I’m sorry for bailing on you like this,” he apologized. He had originally planned to stay until Monday morning, and not strike camp on Saturday evening. However, he felt as though he couldn’t wait any longer. If he had to spend even one more night by himself, curled up all alone, he was sure to lose his mind for real.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” his mother scolded him lovingly. She stood up and started to help him get his things in order. “Just don’t let him go again.”

Takanori’s heart skipped a beat.

“I’m not planning on it.”

 

* * *  
  
In a daze, Akira punched the close button on the elevator as hard as possible.

He leaned against the wall opposite the door, and stared at the visual display of the floors. Grunting, he rubbed his eyelids as the numbers started to blur in his intoxicated state. He didn’t even care. He didn’t care that he had drunk far too much alcohol, or that he couldn’t walk straight anymore. He didn’t care about the grossed out glances people had shot at him on his way here. He didn’t care about anything anymore.

_But I don’t love you anymore._

With a scream of pain and anger, he punched the elevator wall forcefully. He didn’t even feel the pain scud through his fist and all up his arm until it had reached his elbow. He was too drunk to feel any pain, even the emotional anguish seemed to only reach him through a tunnel of numbing fog.

Which didn’t mean he forgot his anger. Or his hatred.

The elevator doors opened, and he stumbled out of the elevator and into the hallway of the law firm. At one of the front desks, he spotted a secretary. “Where’s Shiroyama?!” he hurled at her with sluggish words, and tumbled towards the desk.

Her eyes widened in shock, and she got up from her seat behind the front desk. “Sir, are you alright?” she asked, her tone somewhere between concern and disgust.

“Where _the fuck_ is that _bastard_?!?” Akira yelled at her instead, and his head jerked from one side to the other as he tried to make out the right way to go on his own. However, the quick movement of his head made him feel nauseous, so he had to stop looking around like a desperate fool eventually, and returned to staring at her. “ _Where is he?!?_ ”

“Sir, you need to calm down. I think you had a bit too much to drink.”

Akira laughed humorlessly. “Not enough you mean,” he gnarled, the glanced around the hallway once more. There were only two ways to go, and if he had to, he would search every goddamn room until he had found Yuu Shiroyama.

The bastard who had stolen the love of his life from him.

He waved at the secretary vaguely, and started to stumble down the hallway. Her heels made a muffled sound on the carpet as she hurried after him. “Sir, please wait! Sir, hold on!”

She grabbed his sleeve, but Akira wriggled himself free. “ _Let go of me!!_ ” he screamed, then he turned around again. “SHIROYAMA, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU BASTARD??!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Sir, if you don’t calm down, I’ll be forced to call security.”

 _“Do whatever the fuck you want!”_ Akira spat at her. “As if I give a shit.”

He resumed his way as she hurried back to her front desk to get security on the line, and Akira looked around the hallway, trying to spot who he was looking for. “COME OUT AND SHOW YOUR UGLY FACE, SO I CAN SMASH IT IN!!”

Akira staggered further down the hallway while he kept shouting, and more than once he nearly lost his balance as he either stumbled over his own feet or got stuck on the carpet in his drunken state.

“SHIROYAMA!!”

“What is this commotion about?”

He turned to a door on his left, where he saw a tall, broad man stand like a mountain. Even in his inebriated state, Akira got chills from being in his presence, and even though his vision was blurry, he still noticed the dark dead eyes and the hard features of the man’s face.

“I’m looking for Shiroyama!” he hissed.

The man furrowed his brows. “What do you want from me?”

“Huh?” Akira looked at him as though he was dumb. “Are you deaf?” he asked. “I said I’m looking for that bastard Shiroyama.”

The man gave him a once-over, and his eyes narrowed as Akira swayed in his stance. “Why don’t you come into my office and tell me what this is about?” he suggested, his voice cold and calculating. “I believe I could help you find him.”

That caught Akira’s attention, and with a grunt, he staggered into the office.

“So, what is this about?” the man asked as he had closed the office door behind them. “Since you don’t seem to be looking for me, I assume this is about my failure of a son.”

Akira blinked a few times. “Wait, what?” he asked, then pointed at the man. He squinted his eyes, and tried to make out any resemblances, alas he couldn’t find any. “You his father?”

“If my assumption that you’re looking for Yuu Shiroyama is correct, then yes. Though I’m afraid he’s not in anymore.” There was no hint of regret in his voice, however. Only contempt.

Wordlessly, Akira studied the man before him. He had hoped to land his fist in Yuu’s face a few times, but a new thought arose in him. A much darker, more vicious one. For his father seemed to despise that little thief just as much as he did.

“Great!” he uttered almost euphorically. He would come back another day if he had to in order to kick that bastard’s ass, but the thought of goading his own father and pitting them against each other seemed much more vicious to him in his drunken state. “Then you can tell him to stay the fuck away from my ex!”

President Shiroyama’s face dropped. “He stole your girl, that it?” He sounded disappointed. As though he had hoped for something much more scandalous. Something much uglier. Something that he could punish his son for. Something that affirmed the picture of a failure he had of him.

“Huh?” Akira pressed out in confusion, not grasping the things President Shiroyama said. “What girl? What the fuck are you talking about?” he inquired. “I want him to stay the fuck away from Takanori!”

“Takanori?” the President asked, the frown edging deeper into his forehead until it seemed as though it would stay there permanently, like someone had carved it into stone. “What the fuck are _you_ talking about?”

“ _I’m talking about your son fucking my man!!_ ” Akira flared up. “He needs to keep his _filthy hands off of him_! Takanori’s mine!”

Even in his drunken state, the way Shiroyama’s face grew completely void of any emotion sent uncomfortable shudders down Akira’s spine. “Are you accusing my son of whoring around with that Matsumoto?!” His voice was just as void, no expression, no nuance whatsoever. Like it came straight out of hell. Though the low volume in which he spoke through gritted teeth convinced Akira’s drunken mind that this voice was most likely capable of cutting through steel. Moreover, he seemed certain of an underlying, threatening tone. As though his answer decided over life or death.

“I’m not accusing him of being Taka’s whore,” he hissed. “I know that he fucking is. _I’ve seen it with my own eyes._ ” Well, he hadn’t exactly caught them in the act – unlike Takanori had him and Hideshi – but that day he had met Yuu in Takanori’s new apartment had spelt things out unmistakably.

Shiroyama didn’t say anything. He just stared at Akira with cold dead eyes that reminded him of those of a snake. Like a venomous reptile that was about to devour its prey any second now.

The door bust open. “President Shiroyama, is everything alright?” Two broad men in dark suits entered the office, followed by the same secretary Akira had met only minutes ago.

“Everything’s fine.” His voice was colder than ice; even colder than Takanori’s had been at the beach in Kamakura when he had told Akira that he deserved someone better than him.

Once more, anger and pain flared up in him, though they got held back by an unsettling feeling. Something he couldn’t put his finger on.

“Escort this filthy pisshead off the premises.” He didn’t even look at Akira as he uttered those words. Instead, he walked over to his desk. He appeared to be calm and collected, however, his stance seemed off to Akira – as though his whole body was under so much tension it would combust at any moment.

Not that this was his biggest concern as the two security guards seized his arms, and started to drag him towards the door. “Get your hands off of me!!” he cursed, and tried to break free; however, their grasps were iron-clad.

“Sir, where are you going?” he heard the secretary ask, and with a dazed look over his shoulder, he saw that Shiroyama had clothed himself in his jacket.

His voice was deadly as he stomped out of the door.

“I’m gonna teach that abominable spawn a goddamn lesson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING/SPOILERS**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Description of violence & physical abuse in this chapter. It's not exactly graphic but reader discretion is still advised.

The sound of furious knocking yanked Yuu out of an exhausted slumber.

Without realizing it, he had drifted off after he had barely drunk one glass of whiskey – alcohol had become a constant companion over the course of the last week. So had sleepless nights. Which might have been the two main reasons why he had fallen asleep on the couch, when all he had done previously was stare at the ceiling and try to cope with his heartache yet again. The sleepless nights had taken a toll on him, and a single glass of whiskey had been enough to knock him out, while it hadn’t even been enough to get him drunk.

The knocks on his front door became more violent, and with a grunt, he rubbed his forehead. He didn’t really feel like opening the door. Whoever was on the other side was clearly pissed, and he didn’t feel like dealing with anyone right now.

He closed his eyes and his head slumped back onto the armrest of the couch.

For a few seconds, the knocking died down, before the visitor started to abuse his doorbell.

The last time someone had been this obnoxious and furious in ringing the bell had been when Takanori had shown up at his doorstep to call him out for lying. So needless to say, the thought of yet another angry visitor didn’t sit well with him.

The pain that dashed through his heart at the thought of Takanori cut off his breath momentarily, and Yuu shot up from his lying position, desperately gasping for air. It just wouldn’t stop hurting. Alcohol was the only thing that dulled his pain temporarily, but sadly it was no cure for his heartache. It was unable to mend his broken heart, no matter how much of the toxic substances he poured into his body.

Deciding that dealing with his visitor was far less difficult than dealing with his broken heart (and because he was beginning to get a headache from the constant ringing), Yuu pushed himself off the couch. Slowly, he dragged his feet to the front door, and his hand halted on the door handle for a moment as a wave of anxiety washed over him. Ignoring the alarming feeling that his instincts signaled him, he finally opened the door.

An annoyed remark appeared on the tip on his tongue within milliseconds as he spotted his father standing in the hallway.

However, his father was quicker than him. Yuu was barely left with enough time to recognize the expression of utter contempt on his face, before he gripped his shoulders, and pushed him backwards rampantly.

Yuu stumbled further into the apartment, and his father stepped in behind him, slamming the door shut so loudly Yuu could feel the tremors in his bones like an earthquake.

He opened his mouth to snap at his father, but again, he beat him to it.

“ _You disgusting piece of shit!!_ ” he screamed at him, and his eyes were burning with rage. Rage and disgust. He darted forward, gripped the hem of his shirt, and pulled him near. “ _Did you truly think I wouldn’t find out??!_ ”

Yuu grabbed his wrist, and tugged at it to shake off his father’s grip. “What the fuck are you talking about?!” he shot back, infuriated by the rough treatment his father subjected him to. He had been downright traumatized by his violent behavior the last time they had seen each other. And though Yuu had perforce been to work the last few days, he had gone out of his way to avoid his father at all costs. The recollection of what had happened, however, still instilled a deep-seated apprehension in him. “ _Let go of me!_ ”

“You know, I’ve been wondering what the fuck was wrong with you all this damn time. So when that blond drunkard told me, things _finally_ made a lot more sense.” His father’s voice was void of any emotion, and so was his face. His black eyes, however, shone with utter contempt.

“What’s your goddamn problem?” Yuu whispered, feeling his heartrate accelerate at his father’s words. Blonde drunkard? He wasn’t talking about Takanori now, was he? That couldn’t be. Why would Takanori talk to his father? Especially so shortly after their last encounter?

This didn’t make any sense.

His father released his shirt, and seized his chin instead. Yuu coughed as he started to tighten his grip, and pressed his cheeks together until the flesh squeezed against his teeth painfully. “God, I’ve always hated your guts.” His father’s voice was dead and cold. “I’ve always known you were a failure, but _this_ -” He let go of him, and shoved him back like he had done days ago in their dining room.

Suddenly, as though a switch had been flipped, his father’s face twisted, and unconcealed disgust distorted his rough features. His whole body began to shake as though he had used his last ounces of strength to restrain himself. “Just looking at you makes me _fucking sick!!_ ” he barked. “And all this time you took me for a fool! You thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you? Well, you were _dead wrong!!_ ”

Yuu’s heartbeat became more and more erratic, and he felt a paralyzing anxiety take over his whole body, causing his every muscle to grow stiff and tense. Fear clutched at his chest, and he became incapable of breathing properly.

His father couldn’t possibly know, could he?

As though he was able to read his mind, he decided to answer his unspoken question with a punch of his fist.

Yuu’s head jerked around, and he gasped much like he had done when his father had hit him for the first time. A sharp pain shot through his jaw, and he tasted blood in his mouth.

He didn’t even have the time to catch his breath properly, before his father seized his chin again, and jerked his head up to make him look at him. Yuu’s heart pounded against his chest incessantly. The sheer hatred on his father’s face spoke volumes. The rage. The disgust.

_He knew._

Somehow he had found out.

“WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT YOU’RE A DISGUSTING FAGGOT??!”

He pushed Yuu to the side, who stumbled and turned his head to watch his step and not fall. At the same time, his father raised his hand to punch him again, but hit his ear instead of his cheek this time. Yuu felt himself go dizzy as his fist struck his ear, and his vision blurred. By instinct, he reached out to grab something to hold onto as he lost his sense of balance, and swayed to the side.

His father seized his wrist, and Yuu screamed out in pain when he twisted it around. Pain shot through his wrist all the way up his arm to his shoulder like a bolt of lightning. “Did you think you two faggots could hide what you’re doing from me??!” He kept twisting his wrist until it cracked; the pain grew unbearable. “Did you truly think I wouldn’t find out?!”

Tears of pain shot into Yuu’s eyes while he still fought to get his balance back. His mind was still foggy from the punch to his ear, and the anxiety cut off his air circulation; he felt as though he was suffocating. His father pulled at his abused arm, and jerked Yuu around, so he could drive his fist into his face one more time.

Two more times.

Three more times.

The skin over his cheekbone ripped open, and he felt blood flow down his cheek. His lip busted, and his nose started to bleed. One of his father’s punches landed on his eye, which started to burn like fire as it watered to soothe the stinging. His whole face exploded with pain as his father hit him repeatedly, not slowing down for a single second.

“Stop it!” Yuu whimpered between two hits, but all his father did was stop clasping his arm, and he seized his hair to tuck at his long strands instead.

“Look at yourself, _faggot_! Look at this _fucking ugly hair_ ,” he roared. “I’ve always fucking hated it! And the way you dress. I should’ve known much sooner. With that disgusting makeup, and that long hair. Like a woman. No. Like a _faggot_. How utterly disgusting!!” He tore at his strands, and Yuu screamed out in pain once again.

“Please stop,” he begged quietly, blinking away the tears as a sharp pain ripped at his scalp.

But his father had no intentions of doing so.

He pushed him around like a marionette, and Yuu stumbled, regaining his balance in the last second. In a daze, he saw his father’s fist speed at his face again, and his survivor instinct kicked in, enabling him to somehow evade his punch and get a hold of his arm instead. Panting, he tried to keep his father away from him. “You’ve made your point,” he breathed with a hoarse voice, before he gasped again as he made the mistake of moving his right hand. A sharp pain shot through his wrist and crashed its fangs into his whole arm, rendering it immobile of any movement. “Please stop!”

“ _Go to fucking hell, faggot!!_ ”

His father lifted his leg and kneed Yuu in the groin. All air got pressed out of his lungs as an immeasurable pain shot through his lower body, and he felt his legs give way. Gasping for air, he dropped to his knees.

“You’re not my son anymore!!” His father entangled his fingers with his strands, and pulled Yuu’s head back so he would look at him. “You’re nothing but a disgusting faggot!” He let go of his hair, and he felt his body buckle sideways. He gritted his teeth as he slumped to the floor, but yelled out as his broken wrist collided with the ground.

Then, the first kick hit his stomach, and Yuu felt as though an inferno of pain broke out inside of him. It pierced his body like a bullet, and tore his very core apart.

“You know, I felt like bashing that drunkard’s brains in right there on the spot when he came into _my firm_ , whining about how you had stolen his ex. I thought he was just wasting my time. I was ready to tear him off a strip. But then,” his father bowed down to bring his face to Yuu’s, “then he told me that his ex was that other faggot, Matsumoto. And things started to make sense. And that’s when I knew. You’re the one that needs to be educated. You’re the one that needs to be set straight.” His father straightened up. “I’m going to beat the faggot out of you!!” With that, he drove his foot into Yuu’s stomach once more.

Somehow, Yuu’s brain managed to pick up on the words his father had uttered as he coughed upon impact. And a weird sense of relief washed over him. He hadn’t talked about Takanori. Takanori hadn’t been the one to sell him out. He hadn’t been the one who had told his father.

It had been Akira.

Yuu closed his eyes as Takanori entered his mind, and for the first time he greeted the heartache like an old friend. For the first time, he welcomed it.

He felt nauseous and dizzy. Part of him screamed at him to fight back, to defend himself against his father’s kicks, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do shit. He wasn’t weak, but he felt worn out. Furthermore, was it really that bad if his father just beat him to death right here and now? If he just ended his suffering?

Yuu didn’t care anymore.

He also couldn’t think straight anymore, as his father kicked him in the stomach repeatedly. He didn’t even hear the cracks as he broke three of his ribs. Didn’t feel the pain in his sides as it was overshadowed by the burning in his stomach.

He was so goddamn tired.

He had suffered enough.

He just wanted it all to end.

He didn’t even notice the tears that had started to stream down his cheeks, where they mixed with the blood. His mind shut off when he couldn’t bear the pain anymore, and at some point his whole body grew comfortably numb.

He was going into shock, his body was starting to shut down.

And he didn’t give a single damn.

Just when his mind was on the edge of collapsing, of finally carrying him off into the sweet embrace of dark oblivion, his father stopped kicking him. The lack of impact snapped him out of his daze, and with his conscience returned the pain. He curled into a ball, panting loudly as his stomach contracted painfully. Wave after wave of unbearable pain shot through him, and he pressed his hand against his belly in order to try and suppress the agonizing cramps. Through blurred vision, he saw the silhouette of his father tower over him.

He felt something warm hit his face as he spit down on him, and closed his eyes. “You’re dead to me. If I ever see your despicable face again, I’ll kill you for real.”

He didn’t say a single word. He just lay still on the ground, holding his breath as he listened to his father’s footsteps. Petrified, he waited for the sound of the shutting door. When he finally heard it, he took his first breath again.

He gasped as a burning pain exploded in his stomach, and Yuu started to pant, trying to take as flat and even breaths as possible to keep the pain in his stomach to a minimum. Silent tears of humiliation and pain gushed out and flowed over his cheeks. He had always dreaded his father’s reaction if he found out. But he had never anticipated it to be this bad. This violent. Just like he had never anticipated how much his father truly hated him.

He had never meant for him to find out in the first place.

Weeping silently, Yuu lay on the ground, trying to keep his body as calm as possible as he got shaken by violent sobs.

 

He didn’t know how long he had lain on the floor like this. And even though in reality it hadn’t been more than fifteen minutes, it had felt like hours.

When his sobs had died down and his tears had dried up, he pressed his broken wrist against his chest. Slowly, trying not to agitate his abused body even more, he pushed himself into a seating positon. Blood and tears stuck strands of his hair to his face, and when he tried to wipe them away, he uttered a shriek at the sharp pain shooting through his face.

Carefully, he wiped his cheek where his father had spit on him. Then, he turned his head slowly. Nausea flooded his stomach, and he gagged slightly, but pressed his lips together to keep his upset stomach at bay. Thank God he hadn’t eaten dinner yet since he hadn’t been hungry at all.

He shivered as he got overrun by a sudden wave of coldness, and only seconds later he started to tremble vigorously. Even though his heart raced like hell and pumped lots and lots of blood through his body, he felt as though he had been dropped off in the Antarctica somewhere and was now freezing to death. Cold sweat started to form on his forehead, and he wrapped his uninjured arm around his shoulder to try and heat himself up.

The nausea became unbearable; he felt as though he was going to throw up any minute. He tried to take a few deep breaths, but groaned as his stomach cried out in agony. In addition to that, a headache was starting to form behind his temples, and he blinked a few times when his vision went blurry. For a moment, he even wondered why he was on the ground and how he had gotten there, until another sharp sting in his stomach reminded him of his father’s brutal deeds.

He closed his eyes as he felt a deep sleepiness wash over him, and let himself fall back. However, he didn’t fall very far, as his back collided with the kitchen island after a few inches. He hadn’t even noticed how near he had been to the kitchenette; he had lost all sense of direction.

He just wanted to sleep.

He just wanted to close his eyes and never open them again.

He just wanted all of this to be over.

The doorbell yanked him out of his dizziness, and a rush of fear flooded his body until it mixed with his nausea. Again, Yuu gagged lightly. Again, he pressed his lips together to keep himself from throwing up.

 _Just go away. Oh God, please just go away,_ he begged the visitor telepathically. Trepidation paralyzed him once more, while the pain his body was in started to drive him insane. For a moment, he feared that his father had come back to get another go at him. For a moment, he feared that his father had come back to finish things off after all.

That he had come back to kill him.

The doorbell rang again, and a single tear escaped Yuu’s eye. _Please just leave._

Then, he heard a soft voice. A voice that was barely audible through the door. A voice that was all too familiar.

“Yuu, are you home?” the voice asked hesitantly, before the doorbell got rang again. “If you are, please open up. I wanna talk to you. Please.”

For a moment, Yuu was unable to attribute any sort of meaning to any of it. For a moment, he was unable to put a face to the voice that made his heart beat so erratically. That made his heart ache so good and so bad at the same time.

Then, a single word popped into his battered mind. But no matter how much he tried to, he couldn’t seem to make out the word. All he knew deep down was that it was a name. A name that belonged to someone very dear to him.

Without having given his body any clear instructions, he felt himself push off the floor. As though an invisible force was pulling him towards the door, towards the voice. His vision blurred again, and one of his long strands dangled in front of his eyes. It was drenched in blood, and it seemed to float in the air before him like a red string, urging him to follow the path it showed. Mechanically, he staggered towards the door, approaching that sweet voice that lured him in, all the while the bloody strand hovered in his vision, seemingly connected with the door. And he felt himself get pulled towards the door again.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, another form of pain tried to hold him back. Tried to keep him from opening the door. He knew he should have felt angry, or hurt. But he didn’t care. All he felt was a weird sensation of happiness. He just wanted to get to that voice. He just wanted to lay his gaze upon the angel that this voice belonged to. The angel that would surely save him. The angel that would make everything alright. The angel that would alleviate his pain.

He just wanted to see him one last time.

Finally, the curtain rose. Finally, he had reached the door. Finally, the single word wasn’t obscured anymore. Finally, he was able to see his angel again. Finally, he was able to put a name to the angelic face before him.

_Takanori._

Heart nearly jumping out of his chest, Takanori pulled to the side of the road. He switched off the engine, and climbed out of the car. He shivered as the cold air surrounded him, but he was too nervous to put up with sliding his jacket on. Instead, he stared at the front of the tall building for a second, before he jogged to the entrance.

The porter, who knew him very well by now, waved at him and opened the main door for him.

“Thanks!” Takanori waved back, and hurried to the elevator.

The drive back to Tokyo had exhausted him, however, the anxiety that almost ate him up from the inside shook him awake again. His whole body was alert and tense as he entered the elevator. With shaking fingers, he pushed the button to Yuu’s floor, and he leaned against the wall as the door closed. Shutting his eyes momentarily, he took a deep breath to calm himself.

The anxiety was driving him crazy, bothering him with all kinds of ifs that he knew he shouldn’t let into his mind in the first place. What if Yuu wasn’t home? What if he was home but he refused to open the door? What if he refused to hear him out? What if he didn’t believe Takanori? What if he rejected him? What if he told him that it was too late? What if he couldn’t forgive him?

All these questions swirled around in his mind, and fed the anxiety brewing in his stomach more and more. Maybe he should have thought things through more carefully before he had driven here on impulse? Maybe he should have informed Yuu that he would swing by? Maybe he should have asked him whether they could talk over the phone first before actually dropping by in person?

All the ifs made him groan in desperation, and Takanori opened his eyes to follow the number count on the elevator display to try and calm down his mind. However, the higher the numbers climbed, the more nervous he grew.

By the time the elevator had reached Yuu’s floor, he was sure he was only moments away from a heart attack. Why had he been so dumb in the first place? Why hadn’t he thought things through _before_ he had chased Yuu away? Why had he been so fucking blind and scared?

He knew the answers, but that didn’t make him feel any better, any less guilty. In all his fear, he had screwed up immensely. He had hurt Yuu deeply. Maybe too deeply to mend it.

All because of that bastard Akira. All because he had thought that he could never fall in love again after what he had done to him. All because he had thought that he was unlovable after the way he had treated him.

While he had still cried over spilled milk, Yuu had not only fixed his heart, but won it over as well. He had made him so unspeakably happy, and Takanori hadn’t even realized it. He had continued to lie to himself, to reject the possibility of developing feelings for Yuu, just because he had been too damn scared.

Now it was time to face the consequences, for better or worse.

He pushed himself off the wall with a deep breath as the elevator halted, and with hesitant steps, he approached Yuu’s apartment.

All his doubts, all his fears merged into one big question.

_What if Yuu decided he didn’t want him anymore?_

And could Takanori truly blame him if Yuu had decided for himself that it was less troublesome not to have to deal with him anymore? What would he do if Yuu actually rejected him? What would that do to his heart?

Takanori was scared of the answer.

But he knew that he had to take this risk if he wanted a shot at happiness after all the suffering he had gone through. After all the suffering he had put Yuu through.

Pushing his fears aside, he reached for the doorbell with trembling fingers. He held his breath as the tip of his index finger hovered above the doorbell mere inches, frozen in the air. The urge to lower his arm, turn around and just walk away was nearly overwhelming, and Takanori hated himself the very second the thought struck his mind.

As to chase off his own cowardice, he yanked his hand forward, and pierced the doorbell. The ringing cut through the silence of the night, and echoed in his ears.

He didn’t make a single sound while he waited for a sound; anything to indicate that Yuu was home and that he had heard him.

Gently, he pressed the doorbell a second time. “Yuu, are you home?” he heard his own voice ask softly. After a few seconds of waiting, he rang the doorbell again. “If you are, please open up. I wanna talk to you. Please.” His heart hammered against the inside of his chest, and Takanori swallowed to calm down his anxiety.

If Yuu wasn’t home, then there was nothing he could do about it. He could check the firm, though Yuu normally wasn’t in on a Saturday. Or he could check Yutaka’s restaurant. Worst case, he just had to try again the next day.

However, his feet were glued to the floor, as though an invisible force was trying its hardest to get him to stay. Furthermore, he had told himself that he wouldn’t give up that easily. That he would fight for what he wanted. That he would fight for his happiness this time.

So he stayed, and waited. He stayed, and listened without making another sound.

Finally, the door swung open ever so slowly.

His heart skipped a beat, and he couldn’t hold back the relieved smile that formed on his lips. Moreover, a wave of excitement washed over him. It had been over a week since he had last seen Yuu.

He had missed him so fucking much.

“I wasn’t sure you were gonna open the door for me!” the words sputtered out of his mouth before he could stop himself, and he cursed at himself for the nervous babbling he fell into before the door had even opened properly. “I’m really gla-“

The words died on his tongue, and instead, he gasped in horror.

“Nori?” Yuu’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Under different circumstances, Takanori would have been happy upon the sound of the familiar nickname. Now, however, all he could do was stare at Yuu in terror.

Yuu’s posture was crooked, like that of a very old person. His right hand was pressed against his chest, and the wrist was dyed a deep, ugly purple. So was most of his face.

Most of his face that wasn’t covered in blood, cuts or bruises, that was.

“W-What happened?” Takanori ushered inside without a second thought, and closed the door behind him.

Every step Yuu took pained him to even watch. His face distorted painfully at every movement his body made, and he swayed dangerously. The parts of his face that weren’t covered in injuries or swollen, were as pale as a ghost; wet streaks of tears decorated his cheeks. His forehead was sweaty, and strands of hair stuck to his face due to the sweat and the blood.

Takanori felt nauseous. “Who did this to you?” he whispered, and he raised his hand to caress Yuu’s face. However, as soon as his fingertips grazed his cheek, he winced in pain. “Yuu?” He felt tears well up inside of him. Yuu looked horrible.

“I’m cold,” Yuu breathed, as though he hadn’t heard Takanori’s words at all. He wrapped his healthy arm around himself, and rubbed his shoulder. Though after a few strokes, he grimaced in agony, and stopped the movement. “I just wanna sleep.”

Takanori shook his head ferociously. “No,” he objected hastily. “We gotta get you to the hospital right now!” Delicately, he took Yuu’s uninjured hand to loosen his grip on his abused arm, and pry his hand away. Yuu didn’t put up a fight. He didn’t scare away from his touch this time.

Under different circumstances, Takanori would have been relieved about this.

Now, he carefully started to drag Yuu towards the door. His heart was beating fast, and he had to muster up all of his self-restraint to not pull harsher, to not speed up his gait with which Yuu could barely keep up as it was.

They were only a few steps away from the door, when he felt Yuu tug at his hand. Then, his grip lost all strength and his hand went limp. “I can’t,” Yuu whispered hoarsely.

“Please, Yuu, you have to try,” Takanori pleaded as he turned around.

Worried sick, he watched as Yuu broke free from his grip, and pressed his hand to his stomach instead. “I- I can’t,” he repeated quietly. His gaze was downcast, and he shook his head. Then, he gagged lightly.

When he had his body under control again, he lifted his head. Tears shone in his eyes as he looked at him; Takanori felt his heart tear into two. “I always knew my father wouldn’t like having a faggot for a son,” Yuu whispered almost sardonically. Then, pain distorted his usually soft and beautiful features.

Takanori’s heart froze over as the meaning of Yuu’s words seeped in. “Your father did this to you?” he gasped incredulously, and unrestrained hatred shot through every inch of his body.

Instead of an answer, Yuu convulsed.

With a yelp of terror, Takanori launched forward as Yuu swayed heavily, before he tumbled over. In the last second, he was able to catch him and break his fall. Together, they sank to the floor. “Yuu?” His voice was panicky as he watched Yuu contort his face in pain; again, he pressed his hand against his stomach.

“Sick,” Yuu mumbled. The paleness of his cheeks seemed to have increased, and his whole body started to shake. Bedded in Takanori’s arms, he turned his head away. Horrified, Takanori watched Yuu’s body contract as he gagged several times. Eventually, he couldn’t hold back anymore, and he threw up onto the floor.

Takanori’s blood ran cold.

Helplessly, scared out of his mind, he watched in a daze as Yuu threw up again. Numbly, he stared at the puddle on the floor.

At the deep dark-red color.

Panic struck him, and paralyzed his whole body. Terrified, he watched Yuu throw up more and more blood while tears burned in his eyes. “W-we need to get you to the h-hospital,” he heard himself stutter, but it felt as though these words were coming from someone else entirely. He felt as though he wasn’t really there anymore; as though he was locked behind a cage made of glass, unable to break free. Unable to do anything but watch Yuu spit out more of his life essence. “P-Please, Yuu, w-we gotta-“

A sob escaped his lips as Yuu collapsed in his arms, and a deadening fear tore through him. “N-no!” He cradled Yuu’s face and turned it around so he could look at him. Yuu’s eyes were shut, and a trail of blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. Pointlessly, he wiped it away meanwhile tears ran down his cheeks. He caressed Yuu’s face, but he didn’t respond to him. “ _No!_ ” he yelled out. “ _Yuu!_ Oh God, no, please stay with me! Please wake up, Yuu, please! Do you hear me? Please open your eyes. YUU!!” Crying, he removed some of the bloodied strands of hair from his face. The cold sweat stuck to his fingers, meanwhile Yuu’s face burned hotly. “Yuu, please answer me! Please don’t do this to me! Please don’t leave me!”

Still crying, still shaking violently, Takanori pulled his cellphone from the pocket of his cardigan. His fingers trembled so badly and his vision was blurry from his tears that it took him several attempts to punch in the numbers of the ambulance.

He wept silently as he stroked Yuu’s face, hoping desperately that he would wake up. That he would open his eyes again and stare at him. That he would be able to look into these dark, beautiful eyes again. That he would talk to him again. That he would be able to hear this deep, soft voice again.

At the same time, another thought took root inside of him; one of a much more vicious, much more cruel nature.

What if Yuu wouldn’t open his eyes again – ever?

Fear swallowed his heart whole.

“119, what’s your emergency?”

Takanori gasped in relief when he heard a calm, collected female voice at the other end of the line. With a shaky voice, he informed her of Yuu’s conditions before he named his address, meanwhile he kept his gaze fixed on him, hoping against all odds that he would regain consciousness.

At least he was still breathing.

Which was the only thing Takanori clung to right now.

The call ended, and he stowed away his phone in his pocket. Still crying quietly, he cradled Yuu’s head in his lap, making sure that he was able to breathe properly, so that he wouldn’t suffocate while he waited for paramedics to arrive.

“Help is on the way,” he whispered between silent sobs, as though he was trying to reassure a small child after a nightmare. “They won’t be long. Hang in there, Yuu.”

He bowed down, and pressed his forehead against Yuu’s bloodied cheek. “I-I know I’ve been selfish with you. And I-I’m sorry. But I gotta be selfish one more t-time.” His voice broke as another sob erupted from his throat, this time louder and more violent than the last ones. His trembling lips brushed Yuu’s cheek. “Please stay with me. That’s all I’m asking you to do.

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I hate myself? Maybe. Have I planned this right from the beginning of the story? Maybe. Am I tempted to just go on hiatus to torture y'all with this cliffhanger? Also maybe.
> 
> Just in case there's any doubt left that I'm an evil, sadistic writer.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, this chap took way more editing than I'd anticipated (I hope I didn't miss any typos etc, or produced new ones OTL). I also meant to upload it on the weekend, but depression kicked my ass badly, so uh... sorry for the delay. And thank you for waiting patiently.
> 
> At least now you're getting the chap on your birthday after all, Tini! ♥

Heart pounding as though it would burst any moment, Takanori rushed after the doctors and nurses who pushed the stretcher down the hallway of the hospital. He didn’t understand much of what they were shouting at each other; not that he was able to focus much on what they were saying in the first place.

He was scared out of his mind, his eyes glued on Yuu’s face. Yuu’s face that was still covered in cuts and bruises. Yuu’s face that was obscured by an oxygen mask.

Just looking at him, lying on the stretcher all lifeless broke Takanori’s heart, and he wished that he had been able to just turn around and run away. To not have to look at Yuu anymore. To not have to feel his heart get torn apart every second he was faced with his horrible condition.

The medics pushed Yuu through a door, and one of the nurses turned around to Takanori. She seized his shoulder, and tried to get him to stop. Confused, he looked at her, salty traces of tears stuck to his cheeks. “Sir, you can’t go in there,” she informed him calmly.

Takanori blinked. He looked from her to the doors that were closing, and then his gaze fell to a sign next to the door.

_Operating room._

In a daze, he looked back at her. “W-what do I do now?” he asked quietly, his voice raspy and sore.

A sympathetic smile appeared on her face. Gently, she took his arm, and led him to a small seating area with a bunch of chairs not far from the operating room. “It’s going to take a while. Why don’t you wait here?” she suggested friendly. “I can have a doctor check up on you if you want. We could arrange for some sedatives as well if you feel like you-“

“I’m fine,” Takanori interrupted her harshly, though he didn’t even buy his own lie. Still, he felt he would lose his mind even more if he took any medications to calm down. He wanted his brain to stay alert, and not cloud his mind further on purpose; no matter how tempting it was.

He approached one of the chairs, and his legs gave way the very moment the back of his knees touched the edge of it. Defeated and scared, he sunk down onto the chair. Compassionate brown eyes were fixed on him, and the nurse caressed his shoulder reassuringly. “Your friend is in good hands,” she said. “Call me if you need anything.”

Takanori nodded mutely, then watched her walk to one of the adjacent rooms. He was at the edge of despair, and it took everything out of him not to burst out into violent sobs again. The minutes in which he had waited for paramedics to arrive had been the worst. Still, he didn’t feel an ounce better now that Yuu was finally under medical care. He was still so fucking scared. So fucking scared of what could happen to Yuu.

So fucking scared of losing him.

And so extremely appalled by his father’s actions. Thinking about what he had done to his son made Takanori feel nauseous. He had never seen the results of such unrestrained hatred before. Not even in his career as a lawyer had he ever witnessed something so horrible. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

Feeling another wave of desperation and nausea wash over him, Takanori buried his face in his hands. New tears streamed down his cheeks, and silent sobs rocked his whole body. Restlessly, his mind kept spinning around what had happened. Kept wondering about how his father had found out about Yuu’s homosexuality. Had he told him? Takanori didn’t believe this to be true. But how else could Yuu’s father have found out?

As he sat there and contemplated about what had happened in Yuu’s apartment only minutes before he had shown up, another thought struck his mind.

_None of this would’ve happened if you had been there._

He gasped as the full extent of what this inner voice just told him hit home, and he pressed his fist against his lips to suppress the whimper. That voice was right. If he hadn’t broken things off with Yuu, if he hadn’t been so goddamn afraid and stupid, then he would have surely been there with him at the time. And none of this would have happened.

_It’s all your fault._

A suppressed sob left his throat. Threatening to drown in a sea of guilt, he blindly felt around for his cellphone. Sniveling, he unlocked it and scrolled through it until he had found the right number. Hesitantly, he stared at the name, then he pressed the dial-button.

“Come on, pick up,” he murmured as he listened to the dialing tone, meanwhile he tried to counter the stream of tears with the sleeve of his cardigan.

“Takanori?” Yutaka’s voice was surprised; moreover, it was almost unwelcoming. Which didn’t come as a surprise given how much he had hurt his best friend.

Pushing those thoughts aside as best as he could manage, Takanori opened his mouth, and tried to describe the situation to him. However, nothing but a weak sob left his throat. He took a noisy breath, and sniveled again, trying his hardest to regain at least an ounce of composure.

“Takanori?” Yutaka asked again, but this time his voice was alert. “What is it?”

“I-It’s Yuu,” Takanori finally managed to press out faintly. “He’s… he’s in–” his voice broke, and got replaced by another sob. Takanori felt frustration tear at him; he felt as though he was trapped between two fronts – fear and frustration. Fear about what might happen to Yuu. Frustration about his incapability when it came to basically everything. He was so utterly useless. He was so utterly powerless. He was so utterly helpless.

“What’s with Yuu?” Yutaka’s voice was panicky. “Takanori, what’s wrong?”

Takanori swallowed down a new wave of sobs, and closed his eyes to fight off the tears. “H-he’s in the hospital. The… T-Tokyo General Hospital. He…” Another sob threatened to escape his lips, and his hands were shaking badly. “T-The doctors said something about i-internal bleedings, and I… I don’t… I–“ his voice gave up service, and instead, a sob erupted from his throat.

“ _What?_ ” Yutaka’s voice was as void of any life as he felt. He heard the sound of various things falling and shattering, mixed with a second sound of clothes ruffling; Yutaka must have started to get ready to leave as hastily as possible. When he spoke again, his voice sounded just as shaky and weak as his own. “I-I’m on my way!”

Takanori nodded feebly.

 

“Takanori?!”

He looked up from his hands he had been staring at the last few minutes, and was met with Yutaka’s worried face. “Where is he?”

Weakly, he outstretched his hand and pointed in the direction of the operating room. “He’s in surgery.” His voice felt strange and raw, as though it didn’t belong to him. His tears had stopped falling; it was as though he had run out of tears to cry. Instead of sobbing, he had resorted to staring at his hands in his lap as though he had been hypnotized. Meanwhile, he had been devoured by feelings of guilt and panic.

And utter, untamed fear.

Trembling, Yutaka dropped down on a chair next to him. “I-I don’t understand… w-what happened?” His voice was nothing but a whisper, and tears shone in his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Takanori whispered. “All I know is that his father… H-He said his father did it, because–“ A new stream of sobs shut him up. Quivering, he pressed his fist to his lips to suppress his cries from getting louder.

Yutaka’s eyes widened in unabashed shock. “What do you mean, his father did this?” he whispered, his voice raw and quiet.

Takanori didn’t get to answer him, as a loud voice echoed from the hospital walls.

“ _Where’s my son?!”_

Their heads jerked up.

A woman hurried through the hallway; her dark long hair fell around her shoulders messily as she looked around the hallway. Her yells not only attracted their attention, but that of the nurse as well, who stepped out of the nurses’ room to tend to her.

However, Yutaka was quicker. “Aunt Hanami!” He rose from his seat, and took a step towards her. Then, he halted and looked at Takanori, seemingly unsure whether he should leave him by himself.

Takanori, on the other hand, was too busy staring at the woman. The resemblance was remarkable. The dark, long hair. The full, plush lips. The dark, warm eyes. Yuu’s mother was the spitting image of him.

Dread crushed his heart in a deadly grip.

He hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He hadn’t meant to see Yuu again under these circumstances. He hadn’t meant to meet his mother like this. He hadn’t meant for his father to find out about Yuu either – much like Yuu, he had dreaded how his father would react.

“Yutaka!” Panic laced her voice as she hurried towards him. Sorrow distorted her otherwise beautiful features as she grabbed his hands for support. “What happened to my boy?” Tears filled her eyes. “I got a call from the hospital, and they said that he was involved in… in a battery? And that he got severely injured and – _oh God!_ ”

She swayed, and Yutaka hurried to support her to prevent her from collapsing. Carefully, he led her to the chairs. “I don’t know any details yet, either,” he whispered. “I just got here as well. I–“ he fell silent and looked at Takanori; uncertainty was written on his face. Uncertainty as to what had happened. Uncertainty as to what he should tell her. How much he should tell her.

She caught his gaze and followed it. The confusion in her eyes was unmissable as she stared at him. “Who are you?” Distrustful, she scrutinized him; her eyes lingered on his wet cheeks for a while.

Takanori tried to answer her, but again, his voice failed him. So instead, he lowered his head and shook it slowly.

“This is Takanori,” Yutaka jumped in. He seemed much more collected than Takanori was; though his expression was one of deep sorrow. “He’s… one of Yuu’s friends.”

“I-I’m the one who found him,” he finally managed to utter. He still couldn’t find it in himself to look at her. He felt awful. He felt guilty. He felt ashamed. If it hadn’t been for him, then she wouldn’t have had to visit her son in the hospital in the first place.

It was all his fault.

“You’re President Matsumoto’s son?” she asked, her hostility dying down and giving room to unrestrained worry about her son. “W-what happened to him?”

Takanori dug his fingernails into his thighs. “I don’t know,” he lied. Well, it was only a partial lie – he didn’t know much about the circumstances, after all. And he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know whether he ought to tell Yuu’s mother, when he didn’t know about any details himself. Should he just keep silent, and hope for Yuu to wake up?

The thought of Yuu ripped through his heart like a fiery blade. The thought that Yuu might not wake up to explain everything himself paralyzed him. “W-when I arrived, he was already…” He fell silent, and so did the others.

A deadly silence only interrupted by Hanami Shiroyama’s occasional sobs stretched between them as they waited for Yuu to get out of surgery.

 

 

“They said something about, uh… bruises all over his face. T-Three broken ribs. A broken wrist and internal b-“ Takanori closed his eyes and shook his head, unable to end the sentence.

“Internal bleedings,” Kouyou quietly finished the sentence for him.

Takanori nodded. “Yeah, that. In the, uhm… stomach. They assume he might’ve been k-kicked.” His voice died, and he felt tears well up in his eyes yet again. The image of Yuu’s father violently driving his foot into Yuu’s stomach repeatedly tore both his heart and mind to shreds. Desperately, he tried to hold back the tears. The last few hours he had done nothing but cry. Cry and be scared shitless.

The surgery had taken over three hours. When they had been done, one of the doctors had stepped out of the operating room to explain Yuu’s conditions to them. He had informed them that they had been able to stop the bleedings, but that Yuu’s condition had still been unstable. The doctor had also told them that his chances of survival would drastically increase if only he made it through the night.

So they had stayed in his room the whole time, fearfully watching over him.

It had been horror to finally see him again in one of the emergency rooms of the intensive care unit. His bruises had been treated, and the blood had been cleaned off his face. He had still looked so awful. Awfully sick. Awfully pale. On his right wrist, he had worn a cast; in addition to that, infusions had been hooked up to his arm. The doctor had explained to them that he needed blood infusions to compensate for the high blood loss he had suffered from.

Takanori could barely stand to look at Yuu. It was too damn horrifying, and every time he looked at him, he felt more cracks tear open in his heart. Every time he looked at Yuu, he couldn’t stop thinking about how all of this had been his fucking fault.

Looking at Yuu broke his heart.

“God, Kou, you should’ve seen him. T-There was blood everywhere… o-on his face a-and then he s-suddenly started to cough up blood and- and–“

Kouyou stepped towards Takanori, and hugged him tightly. “I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like. I’m so sorry.”

Takanori buried his face in the blue scrubs Kouyou was wearing. Kouyou had appeared in Yuu’s room shortly after his shift had started, as soon as he had heard that he was one of the newly admitted patients (he was mostly working in ICU these days). Seeing him had lifted a huge chunk of weights off Takanori’s shoulders.

The last few hours had been an ordeal. Neither he, nor Yutaka, nor Yuu’s mother had slept for a single second. All three of them had stayed throughout the whole night, waking at Yuu’s side and waiting for any changes in his condition, for better or worse.

Alas, there had been none. Aside from the fact that Yuu had made it through the night. Apart from that, there had been no significant changes in his condition. Which the doctor had tried to convince them was a good thing.

Takanori, however, wasn’t too sure about that.

“Do you know what happened?” Kouyou’s question yanked him out of his thoughts, and they loosened their embrace. “Do you know who did this to him?”

Takanori bit down on his tongue. He wanted to tell Kouyou so badly. But at the same time, there wasn’t much to tell him in the first place. “I don’t know much myself,” he whispered as they continued their walk to the cafeteria to get some coffee. Kouyou had volunteered to accompany him during one of his short breaks while Yutaka and Hanami were staying with Yuu.

They halted at the coffee vending machine. “Yuu told me that… that it was his father.” His voice was barely audible, and he wasn’t sure whether Kouyou had heard him, for he refrained from answering him for a while. However, Takanori couldn’t bring himself to look at Kouyou for some reason, so he had no way of making sure.

“ _His father?_ ” Kouyou finally pressed out. “Why would his father do something horrible like this?”

Takanori’s lower lip started to tremble, as did his hand as he tried to insert the coins for the coffee. “H-he found out that Yuu is gay.” He lowered his hand, and looked up to Kouyou. Tears shimmered in his eyes. “He did this to Yuu because he doesn’t like _gays_. W-What kind of monster does something like this to his own son?” A single tear escaped his eye, and dripped down his cheek. “I don’t understand. I don’t even know how he found out.”

Kouyou’s face grew pale. He made a move to reply to Takanori, when another voice disrupted the horrified silence between them.

“Taka-chan? What are you doing here?”

Kouyou whirled around, and Takanori’s eyes widened in distraught disbelief.

In the entrance to the cafeteria only a few feet away from them stood Akira.

Kouyou’s back tensed, and Takanori clenched his fists. He truly didn’t have the nerve to deal with Akira right now. Not with everything else that was going on. “What do you want?” he snapped gruffly. His whole being was getting consumed by his worries about Yuu; he truly didn’t want to talk to Akira. Or see him. Or be seen by him.

“What are you doing here?” Kouyou added, just as suspicious and hateful as Takanori.

Taken aback by their hostility, Akira halted a few inches away from them. With a frown, he looked from Kouyou to Takanori. His frown deepened, and eventually got replaced by an expression of utter sadness and hurt as he stared at him. His face was just as pale as the day before, and the circles below his eyes had grown even darker.

Takanori didn’t give an ounce of shit. All he cared about was Yuu. All he worried about was Yuu. All he thought about was Yuu. So much so it nearly tore him apart.

“I drove my grandma to one of her regular check-ups,” Akira explained hesitantly. “I was gonna get a coffee while she’s being examined. But what are _you_ doing here?” His eyes didn’t leave Takanori for a single moment.

“ _That’s none of your goddamn business!”_ he hissed.

Akira flinched at his animosity, but Kouyou crossed his arms before his chest. “I agree with Taka, it’s none of your business. So why don’t you get lost?”

Ignoring their words, Akira continued to scrutinize Takanori, who felt extremely unwell under his stare. He felt as though Akira was trying his hardest to see through him, to read him like an open book. He didn’t want to be read, he didn’t want to be understood. Least of all by Akira. He just wanted to be left alone.

He was about to tell him as much, when Akira opened his mouth again. “Is everything alright with your parents?” he asked worriedly. “Did something happen to them?”

Takanori’s eyes widened for a moment. Then, he narrowed them. The fact that Akira cared about his parents didn’t earn him any points. And they sure as hell didn’t earn him his forgiveness either. Or another chance. “They’re fine!” he pressed out angrily.

For a moment, Akira seemed relieved. Then, the frown returned to his face. “But… why are you here then? Have you been crying?”

“I said it’s none of your business!” Takanori snapped as he hastily wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. He was beginning to lose his patience. He just wanted to get back to Yuu. He just wanted to stay at his side, and wait for him to wake up again. Because Yuu simply had to wake up. There was no other way.

Takanori didn’t know what he would do if Yuu didn’t wake up.

“Come on, we should just leave.” Kouyou wrapped his arm around Takanori’s shoulders and began to lead him out of the cafeteria. They had both long forgotten the reason why they had come here in the first place.

They had just passed Akira when he had finally collected himself enough again. “Please, Taka, I just wanna know what happened.” Even though Akira was dumb as hell, he sure wasn’t blind. He had not only seen the signs of distress on Takanori’s face, but seemed to be trying his hardest to figure out their reason. “You know I still care about yo–“

“ _Don’t pretend like you care!!_ ” Takanori exploded, spinning around on his heels. He didn’t give a damn about attracting everyone’s attention; he didn’t give a damn about acting civilized. He was at the brink of losing his sanity, and having to deal with Akira just added to all the weight that kept pulling him down. “I know you don’t give a shit about me, or Yuu, _so spare me your bullshit!_ I don’t want to hear _any of it!_ ”

“What does Yuu have to do with this?”

Instead of answering his dull-witted question, Takanori pressed his fingertips to his lips. New tears streamed down his face, as though the well of his sorrow was inexhaustible. As though there was no holding back the masses of water once the levees had been broken.

“Don’t you get it?” Kouyou whispered angrily, and he wrapped his arm around Takanori’s shoulder once more to pull him against his chest.

Through teary eyes, Takanori watched Akira look at Kouyou in shock. “ _Yuu?_ ” he asked incredulously, voice weirdly panicky. “What happened to him?”

“What do you care?!” Takanori cried silently.

“Please,” Akira ignored him and spoke to Kouyou directly. “Please tell me what happened.” His voice was pleading and urgent. “Please, I gotta know.”

Takanori wanted to shake his head no, but felt too exhausted to do anything but stand in Kouyou’s embrace while he cried.

“He got beaten up badly last night,” Kouyou retorted matter-of-factly. “Now excuse us.” He led Takanori through the entrance of the cafeteria, leaving Akira behind on his own.

They had taken a few steps before hasty footsteps were audible behind them. “Wait, hold on!” Akira shouted after them.

With a frustrated groan, Kouyou turned them around. “ _What?!_ ” he snapped, at the end of his patience now as well.

“W-who did this to him? D-Do you know who did this to him?” Akira stammered, voice stricken with panic.

Takanori didn’t even know why he dignified Akira’s prying with a response. Maybe he was too worn out from all the sorrow. Maybe it was Akira’s voice that carried so much dread; as though he actually cared about what had happened. Which was ridiculous of course, because he didn’t care for Yuu in the slightest. And still, Takanori felt himself speak. “His father,” he breathed numbly. “His father did it.”

Akira gasped in shock, which caught Takanori’s attention. Warily, he studied his face. Akira looked as though he had seen a ghost. His cheeks became as pale as the walls of the hallway, and he looked as though he was going to throw up any minute now.

 _DON’T!_ Takanori wanted to scream at him. For a weird minute, he felt as though Akira was going to collapse right in front of him. He would hurry forward, and catch him just before he touched the ground. And then Akira would throw up. He would throw up more and more of his blood while all Takanori could do was watch him helplessly. All of a sudden, all Takanori saw was red. A deep, dark, ugly red. It was flowing from Akira’s mouth, over his chin, from where it dropped onto the floor and stained the grey linoleum.

He felt sick.

“Are you okay, Taka?” Kouyou uttered worriedly as he steadied him.

Takanori hadn’t even noticed how he had been out of it for a minute, or how he had lost balance and swayed to the side when he had gotten dizzy and nauseous from the recollection of last night’s events.

“Yeah, I’m just tired is all,” he lied weakly. He blinked a few times to try and get rid of the white spots dancing in front of his eyes, then he looked back at Akira. Akira who was perfectly fine, no blood anywhere.

Unlike Yuu.

Anger filled him. Yuu hadn’t deserved this. Yuu hadn’t deserved any of it. And yet he had been the one to suffer. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all.

“Taka-chan?” Akira asked as well, and he stretched out a hand to touch him.

Retreating from his touch, Takanori narrowed his eyes in distrust. “Somehow his father found out that Yuu’s gay,” he heard himself speak up. He didn’t even know why he was talking in the first place. He didn’t want to say any of it. It was none of Akira’s business. And yet, he felt himself unable to stop. “He wasn’t even supposed to know. I… I don’t even know how he found out. Yuu was always so scared of how his parents would react if they found out, and now his father… he… he just–“ He shut his mouth and pressed his lips together tightly. He didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know how to put it into words.

Apparently, he didn’t have to.

Akira paled even more than Takanori had thought possible, and he looked even sicker than he had before. “Oh God,” he murmured, shaking his head in a daze. “Oh God.” He looked from Takanori to Kouyou, then back to Takanori. As his eyes returned to him, Takanori spotted tears in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t think that… Oh God.”

Takanori’s blood ran cold. “You what?” he pressed out, his voice barely audible.

“When you told me that… that you didn’t love me anymore… I- I lost it. I got drunk, and then I… I went to his firm. I just wanted to talk to Yuu… I-I wanted to confront him. But he wasn’t there, so I just… I just meant to turn his father against him, I didn’t think… Oh God, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I swear to you!” His voice was meek and full of shame. Full of guilt.

The same guilt Takanori felt.

The same guilt that tore him apart from the inside.

Though now, it got overshadowed by another feeling altogether. Unconcealed disgust and incredulous rage shot through his body as he took in Akira’s words. As he processed what he had just told him. “ _You did this??!_ ” he screamed, and launched forward to seize Akira’s leather jacket – or maybe wrap his hands around his throat. “Do you have _any_ idea what you did?! _How could you??!_ ”

He was almost at Akira’s throat when a pair of hands seized him, and pulled him back resolutely. The last hours had drained him almost completely; that didn’t keep him from struggling against Kouyou’s grip as much as possible, though. “Taka, don’t,” he whispered, appealing to his reason.

Tears filled his eyes as he stared at Akira with utter contempt. “He almost _died_! You nearly got him killed because _you were jealous of him._ ”

Tears were streaming down Akira’s cheeks as well. “I didn’t mean to, I swear. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I had no idea. I’m so sorry. W-when his father said that he was gonna teach him a lesson, I though he meant… I thought he was gonna yell at him or something. I didn’t think he would, I…. I’m so sorry!”

Takanori grew numb.

_His father said he was gonna teach him a lesson._

His heart froze over.

Yuu’s father had planned this from the very beginning. From the very moment he had turned up at Yuu’s doorstep. From the very moment he had found out that Yuu was gay, he had planned to hurt him. To hurt him badly.

If not worse.

Without saying another word, Takanori turned around. He didn’t have any energy left to deal with Akira. To deal with his guilt and his pleas for forgiveness that only added to his own guilt.

For Takanori knew he was just as guilty. If he hadn’t decided to end things with Akira once and for all at the beach in Kamakura, if he had decided to wait a little bit longer, then none of this would have happened. If he had realized his feelings for Yuu earlier, then he would have been by his side when his father had shown up.

It was just as much his own fault as it was Akira’s.

It was just as much his own fault as it was that of Eijirou Shiroyama.

He might have well beaten Yuu up himself.

 

 

Absent-mindedly, Takanori caressed the back of Yuu’s hand with his thumb. He had been holding on to his hand for over the last thirty minutes. He had just sat next to his bed, limp hand in his, staring at Yuu’s lifeless face while his mind had been numb.

He couldn’t grasp a single thought. All he could do was stare at Yuu. All he could do was miss him dearly. All he could do was silently beg him to wake up. All he could do was hold onto his hand as though it was his lifeline.

He didn’t even care for the weird glances he felt Yuu’s mother throw his way. She was sitting on the other side of the bed, altering between staring at her son and staring at him. Meanwhile, Yutaka kept pacing the room restlessly.

They all were pale. They all were tired. They all were worried sick. They all were waiting – hoping – for Yuu to wake up.

Grabbing Yuu’s hand with both of his hands, Takanori squeezed it tightly. The monotone beeping of the ECG monitoring drove him insane. Though he knew it was a good sign to have it beep regularly, every quiet beep was like a stab to his heart. Like a finger in the blazing wound. How had it come to this?

He still felt extremely guilty. He still felt as though all of this was his fault, and no one else’s.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.

He did despise Eijirou Shiroyama from the bottom of his heart. He didn’t know what he would do if he saw his face. He would probably bash it in just like he had done to Yuu. He knew that he was the one to blame for Yuu’s condition. That didn’t keep him from blaming himself partly as well, though. It didn’t keep his heart from aching so badly it felt as though it was going to burst into a thousand tiny pieces any second.

Exhausted from the sleepless night and all the crying, he dropped his head onto the mattress. He didn’t even care about Yuu’s mother finding out anymore; the worst damage had already been done, after all. It had nearly cost Yuu his life.

The thought of what would have happened if Takanori had decided to wait until the next day was what scared him the most. Was what drove thorns upon thorns of agony into his heart. He tried his hardest not to think of the ifs of what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up at Yuu’s door when he had.

The doctor had said that he had saved Yuu’s life.

So why did he feel like the complete opposite?

Why did he feel like he had ruined it?

Wordlessly, he pressed Yuu’s cold hand against his cheek. He had given anything for Yuu to open his eyes, to look at him with those warm, dark orbs that melted his heart. He just wanted Yuu back. He wanted him back so, so badly.

He looked up when he felt a hand on his back. Looking just as worn out as he felt, Yutaka smiled at him wearily. He pulled another chair close and sat down beside Takanori. Shortly, his gaze wandered over Yuu; his face contorted in pain. Yutaka seemed much more collected than he was; however, Takanori could read it in his eyes that he suffered just as much. That he worried just as much.

And it was all because of him.

“I’m so sorry,” Takanori heard himself whisper. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t… If I didn’t…” he couldn’t find the strength to keep talking. So instead, he just stared down at Yuu’s hand, and squeezed it again.

Yutaka rested his hand on Takanori’s lower arm, and squeezed it gently. “Don’t say that. It’s not your fault. You weren’t the one who–“ he fell silent, and for the first time, Takanori saw his composure crack. A few tears strayed from his eyes and ran down his cheeks. “You’re not the one who did this to him.” Tired, he rubbed his cheeks to clean them of the tears. Then, he caressed Yuu’s arm. “I just wish he opened his eyes already.”

“What do you mean, this is your fault?” Hanami finally joined in, and Takanori lifted his head warily. She seemed to be just as much out of it as he was, where it felt as though time was moving in slow motion, and everything seemed to stand still. He didn’t blame her for catching up with their words so slowly. She looked utterly heartbroken, worn out by the worry about her son.

Her dark eyes fell on him, and he shivered under her gaze. He felt the urge to tell her the truth. To confess to her how he had ruined everything. How he had hurt Yuu. How he was the one to blame because he had left Yuu alone. Because he had abandoned him. Because he had pushed him away in his insignificant fears.

However, he didn’t get to answer her as the door swung open. He saw Hanami raise her head, and her eyes glinted angrily. “Where have you been?! I’ve been trying to call you all night, for God’s sake!”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Takanori froze.

So did Yutaka.

In unison, they turned their heads to look at Yuu’s father. Yuu’s father who stood in the door frame, expression greatly bothered, as though he was bored to death. As though he had somewhere else to be. Somewhere better.

Hatred shot through Takanori’s body at enormous speed, and his whole body tensed.

Eijirou’s gaze fell on him, then it wandered to Yuu’s hand he was still holding. Eventually, it came to a halt at Yuu’s face. That was when Takanori watched his deadpan expression come to life. He could almost feel the shift from emotionlessness to utter disgust on his face.

“The brat got itself beaten up, is that why you called me all night?” He stepped to the end of the bed, and the disgust on his face grew with every step he took.

“I know that your relationship is complicated, but he’s still your son!” Hanami straightened up in her seat, voice as sharp as a blade.

An explosive mixture brewed in Takanori’s stomach; the hatred he felt was gnawing at each of his cells like a cancer. His whole body clenched up, and his breath grew short.

Eijirou took another step towards the bed. “And what do you expect me to do? Sit at his bedside and hold his hand? Maybe cry a bit?” he mocked. “I bet he had it coming.” He took one last step towards the bed. When he had reached it, he stretched his hand out.

Takanori didn’t know what he was planning to do. He didn’t care to find out either. His mind snapped as Eijirou’s words entered his mind. He lost it as Eijirou was inches away from touching Yuu’s foot. He barely noticed the gloves he was still wearing.

“ _Keep your hands off him you son of a bitch!!_ ” he screamed as he jumped to his feet. “ _You touch him again and I swear I’ll kill you!!_ ”

Eijirou’s head jerked around and he looked at Takanori; the same disgust was visible on his face. But at least he had halted in his attempt to touch Yuu. “ _Who asked you, faggot??_ ” he shot back.

“Takanori, what is this about?” Hanami exclaimed, shock settling on her face at the sudden outburst. She also rose.

So did Yutaka. Supporting, he took stance behind Takanori.

“Why don’t you ask your husband?” Takanori snapped at her, mind running wild at the presence of the monster who had put Yuu in this hospital bed.

_Faggot._

The word rang in his ears, and pushed him further towards the edge. He didn’t care about insults like that; he had dealt with his fair share of them. But the recollection of how Yuu had used the exact same word when he had told him about his father’s horrendous actions tore at his heartstrings. “ _Go on, tell her!_ ” he spit out, imbued by hatred. “Tell her how you were gonna _teach him a lesson_!”

Yutaka inhaled sharply. Takanori had neglected to tell him the part Akira had revealed to them as of yet. “You’ve always hated him!” he growled. “No matter what he did, you’ve always hated him,” he added to Takanori’s words, voice hoarse and upset.

Completely lost, Hanami looked between them. “Eijirou, what are they talking about? What is the meaning of this?”

“ _Nobody asked for your opinion, faggot!!_ ” Eijirou barked. His eyes were dead and soulless. Just like his heart was. Just like everything else about this monster. “ _Nor that of a lowlife such as you!”_ he addressed Yutaka. “What do you think you know, hm? You’re all so fucking smart, aren’t you? Just like that _freak_ ,” he spat the last word out full of disgust, thereby glancing at Yuu.

“ _You beat him half to death!!_ ” Takanori felt the anger in his stomach mix with the desperation he had been feeling ever since he had found Yuu beaten and bruised. “ _You almost killed him!!_ ”

A shriek of terror left Hanami’s throat. “Tell me that’s not true, Eijirou! Tell me he’s lying!”

Eijirou looked at his wife with the same contempt he had displayed towards Takanori and Yuu.

“Yes, tell aunt Hanami you’re lying!” Yutaka butted in as well, voice shaking with rage. “And while you’re at it, take your gloves off, won’t you? I bet you have a perfectly fine explanation as to why you feel the need to hide your hands like that!”

Takanori gasped. He had felt something off about Eijirou, and Yutaka had noticed as well. And he was finally able to put his finger on it. “Yes, take off your gloves! Proof to us that there’s nothing you’re hiding! Like, say, busted knuckles!”

At their accusations, Eijirou’s eyes flamed up in anger, and he clenched his fists, as though he was trying to prevent them from pulling his gloves off by force. And reveal the truth he was hiding underneath.

“Eijirou, tell me it’s not true!! Tell me you didn’t do this!!” Hanami’s voice was high-pitched and shrill, and though her words were begging, her tone was commanding.

His head jerked back around to his wife. “He had it coming, that damn _abomination_! Maybe if I had been stricter with him from the beginning, then he wouldn’t have become so _screwed up_!”

Alerted, Takanori’s gaze shifted to the ECG monitor as Yuu’s heartrate began to pick up. However, his face was motionless, and his eyes remained closed. “You nearly killed your own son,” he repeated coolly, as his gaze returned to Eijirou Shiroyama.

“Why, Eijirou? _Why would you do that?!_ ” Hanami’s voice was shaking; she had started to cry.

“ _Because he’s a goddamn faggot!_ Just like _him_!” he pointed at Takanori as he spat out his hateful words; Hanami’s sobs got interrupted momentarily as she drew in a sharp breath. “He’s been _whoring around with him behind our backs_!! And I won’t stand for it!!” Any trace of emotion vanished from his face for a split second, and instead, unveiled animosity spread on his features. The laugh he uttered was stone-cold and merciless. Just like the words that followed. “He’s not my son anymore. He stopped being my son the moment he decided to become this despicable thing. I don’t regret what I did. _The only thing I regret is that I didn’t kill him on the spot_. I should’ve just kept going until he’d stopped breathing.”

Takanori felt new tears shoot into his eyes. He couldn’t believe that such a vile person truly existed. He couldn’t believe the things this monster had done to Yuu. The things he was still willing to do.

“ _How dare you?!_ Get the fuck outta here!” Yutaka growled threateningly, and his glance was the most intimidating thing Takanori had ever witnessed. For a moment he contemplated that Kouyou must have looked the same whenever he grew protective of him. His eyes were burning with a murderous rage. “And don’t you dare _ever_ go near him again!”

_SLAP!_

Hanami had stepped forward, and had hit her husband in the face with the palm of her hand. Her mascara was leaving dark marks on her face, and her eyes were glowing with hatred. “Stay away from my son, or _so help me God!!_ ”

Massaging his reddened cheek, Eijirou looked around. His expression had changed back to disgust. “You’re all just as despicable as this bastard.” He raised his index finger, and shook it threateningly at them. “This will have consequences!” With that, he turned around and stormed out of the room.

Hanami sank back onto her chair. She buried her face in her hands and wept silently, while she kept repeating the same words over and over again. “Oh God. I can’t believe this. Oh God.”

Yutaka dropped onto his seat as well, his shoulders slouched in exhaustion. “This is all so messed up. What are we gonna do now?” he mumbled clueless, burying his fingers in the fabric of his pants as though he was trying to get a grip on his boiling emotions that way.

Unlike Yutaka, who’s reserves seemed to have burned out the very second Eijirou had left the room, Takanori’s brain kick-started, pumping energy throughout his whole body. His mind was now running at full speed, as was his heart. Fervently, he looked around the room. On the small table next to the window, he spotted a notepad. Hurriedly, he scrambled over there to grab the notepad and pen to scribble down on. He hated himself for switching into lawyer-mode almost instantly, but he couldn’t suppress the thoughts from entering his mind.

With his thoughts, an almost haunting calmness washed over him. It was as though he had been wandering through a sea of fog, and had finally found the light again. His mind was crystal clear and sharp as he thought about the task at hand. Maybe he was just as cruel and heartless as some of his colleagues.

“I need your help,” he spoke hastily as he flicked open the notepad, ignoring his guilty conscience as best as he could. He had to do this. For Yuu. “We gotta take the minutes of everything he just said.”

He felt Hanami and Yutaka both look at him as though he was insane. “Takanori, what are you talking about?” Yutaka asked him carefully as to not directly call him out for going crazy. As to not directly ask him whether he had finally lost it.

Grunting, Takanori started to jot down on the notepad as hastily but articulately as possible. He didn’t want to risk ruining everything by scribbling down an indistinguishable mess. At the same time, he was scared that his clear mind wouldn’t last long if he didn’t hurry. He was scared that he was going to break down again any second. He had to make use of it immediately. “Look, I know this is an awful timing, but we gotta write down everything he just said,” he hit the notepad with the pen lightly. He felt awful about this. He felt awful about doing this to Yutaka and Hanami.

However, there wasn’t much he could do right now. There was nothing he could do to help Yuu wake up. There was nothing he could do to help him recover. But he would do everything in his might to lock his abhorrent father away for as long as possible. When he saw their confused faces, he groaned in desperate annoyance. “He basically just gave us a full confession of what he did, don’t you get it?”

Yutaka stared at him doubtfully for another moment, then nodded slowly. “But… wouldn’t it have been better to just record everything?” he asked.

Takanori shook his head. “Secretly recorded audio recordings fall under the exclusion of evidence,” he reeled off in a disgustingly matter-of-factly tone. He paused as he saw the question mark on Yutaka’s face; Hanami had stopped crying and was now listening intently to what he was saying, though her cheeks were still pale from the shock. “I mean this bastard would’ve never let us record his confession if he was aware of it, and recording his words secretly would count as improperly obtained evidence. It’s not only inadmissible in court, but also criminal offence. Taking minutes with witnesses, however,” again, he tapped on the notepad, “is perfectly legal.”

Yutaka’s eyes widened in understanding. Hanami wiped her cheeks with a tissue, and straightened up as well. Her face was apprehensive but resolute. “Tell us what to do,” she whispered. “I want that bastard behind bars for what he did to my son.”

Their looks locked for a moment, and the determination in her eyes boosted his confidence. If he wanted to make up for what he had done, then this was his only chance. “There’s no way he’ll get out of this,” he reassured her.

If Yuu woke up, then it wouldn’t only be his word against that of his father’s. It would be his word against Eijirou’s combined with their testimonies. Of course they also had to get one of the treating doctors to testify as well. Hell, Takanori would even drag Akira to court if he had to. That bastard would pay for what he had done to Yuu.

There was one thing Eijirou Shiroyama was goddamn right about.

This would have consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I wanna thank you all so much for your continuous support. It means everything to me!


	36. Chapter 36

Takanori started from his doze as he felt a hand on his back. Heart beating quickly, he straightened up and turned his head to look at Yutaka. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Yutaka apologized. “Your jacket was slipping off.”

Still drowsy, Takanori checked on his cardigan that he had taken off and draped over his shoulders instead a while back. The warmth in the room must have lulled his exhausted mind to sleep. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he gazed at Yuu. “Anything happen?” he murmured, gripping Yuu’s hand again to clutch it tightly.

Yutaka sat down beside him, a cup of coffee in hand. “Not really,” he sighed, and Takanori spotted the dark circles underneath his eyes. “I just went out real quick to get myself a cup of coffee. Would’ve gotten you one as well if I’d known I’d end up waking you.” He grimaced apologetically, even though he had absolutely nothing to apologize for. He probably hadn’t slept at all the last hours, so it was completely understandable that he had helped himself to a cup while Takanori had being taking an involuntary nap.

Not that he had gotten much more sleep. He couldn’t have dozed off for long, for the sun was still climbing high up into the sky outside. Yawning exhaustedly, he wrapped his cardigan around his body more tightly. It helped warm him up and feel a bit better, but he still felt extremely worn out.

How much longer until Yuu finally woke up?

Frowning, Takanori eventually noticed a difference. “Where’s Yuu’s mom?” he asked as he looked around the room.

Yutaka took a sip from his coffee. “I sent her home to get some rest. She looked really tired. I told her we’d stay by his side, and that I’d call her immediately if anything changed.”

He nodded slowly. “I see.” Then, his gaze returned to Yuu’s face. Looking at him still broke his heart; it was unbearable for him to look at his pale, lifeless face, and be haunted by the recurring images of Yuu spitting up blood. “I can’t get it out of my head,” he whispered as he stared at his bruised face. He squeezed Yuu’s hand for support as his own started shaking. Being close to him, feeling his warm hand, no matter that it didn’t respond to his squeezes, was the only thing that was able to calm him. To reassure him that Yuu was going to be fine. “It was horrible.”

“I can only imagine.” Yutaka’s words were similar to Kouyou’s. “I can’t even… The thought of what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there, it just… it scares me so fucking much.”

Takanori felt his lower lip start to tremble. He didn’t even know what to say. The same thought kept haunting him as well, and the only thing that could temporarily chase those horrifying ifs away was the feeling of Yuu’s hand in his.

“You saved his life.”

Feeling tears shoot into his eyes, Takanori shook his head violently. “Stop,” he whispered. “Don’t. Please. If it hadn’t been for me, Yuu wouldn’t have ended up like this in the first place. If I hadn’t screwed things up, he would be fine now. If I hadn’t dumped him, I would’ve been by his side from the start. No,” again, he shook his head, and a single tear escaped, “I should’ve never… I should’ve never let him get involved with me in the first place. All I do is ruin things. I-I… he would’ve been better off without me. Without ever meeting me.”

Saying these things out loud hurt. They hurt so fucking much, especially now that he knew how he felt about Yuu. Especially now that he knew that he would be too fucking selfish to leave Yuu. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him. Not again. He couldn’t bear the thought of living without him.

He couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Yutaka retorted just as quietly. Gently, he grabbed Takanori’s shoulder. “I think you two found each other when you both needed it the most. I saw him without you. I saw what it was like for him. Before he knew you. And also after you… dumped him. I know he’s not better off without you. I think he needs you. A lot. Especially now.”

Takanori fought bitterly against the upcoming tears. “I need him just as much. I- I don’t know how to deal without him.” It was selfish. It was unhealthy. But it was also true. Yuu was the one who had gotten him through his heartbreak. He was the one who had pieced his heart back together. And Takanori was incapable of letting Yuu go. He was the one that held the shards of his heart together. He was the one who had glued it back together piece by piece.

He didn’t even care anymore that he had depended on Yuu to get over Akira. He didn’t even care anymore that his happiness depended on Yuu. Not when it felt so right.

Yutaka squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “I know.” He lowered his hand to his cup, and rotated it between his palms. “I was so sure that you felt the same as him. I… Somehow I could just tell.”

Takanori felt himself blush deeply. However, not all of the redness in his cheeks was caused by his embarrassment; part of it was caused by shame. If only he hadn’t been so goddamn blind and stupid. “Then I guess you knew better than me.” He laughed sheepishly. He still felt like utter shit for the way he had treated Yuu. For the way that he had hurt him. “I’m so sorry for hurting him.” His thumb caressed the back of Yuu’s hand lovingly.

“I know.”

Surprised, he looked up at Yutaka. He had expected him to be angry at him, furious even. But not understanding. And least of all forgiving. He most certainly didn’t think he deserved this kind of forgiveness. Or this sort of kindness.

A painful grunt tore his attention away, and his head jerked around to look at Yuu.

Yuu, who slowly blinked his eyes open.

It felt as though the walls of fear within his heart and mind were smashed by a sledge hammer of relief. Heart beating fast, he jumped to his feet to bend over the bed. “ _Yuu!!_ ” he exclaimed, feeling tears of relief and happiness well up in him. “Oh thank God!”

Yutaka jumped to his feet as well. “Yuu!!” His fingers patted Yuu’s arm carefully, and from the corners of his eyes, Takanori saw a huge smile of relief spread on his face.

Grunting once more, Yuu looked up at them. “W-where am I?” he moaned with a husky voice, before his face contorted in pain. “Ugh.”

“Are you okay?” Takanori squeezed his hand worriedly.

“You’re in the hospital,” Yutaka added, and then sniveled as he fought against tears of relief of his own.

For a moment, Yuu’s gaze lingered on Yutaka, then it shifted to Takanori. “What are you doing here?” he asked feebly, thereby his face twisted in pain again. Though this time, Takanori wasn’t sure whether it was pain of a physical nature.

“I–“ he opened his mouth, but closed it again immediately as anxiety cut off his speech. He didn’t know what to say in the slightest. He was overwhelmed by relief and fear at the same time. He felt like he was in over his head, not knowing how to deal with any of it. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Yuu and never let go again.

However, something in Yuu’s eyes kept him from doing exactly that.

Yutaka cleared his throat. “I’m gonna get a doctor to have them check up on you. And I also gotta call your mom,” he excused himself delicately. He put down the cup of coffee on the bedside table, then grabbed his cellphone and scurried out of the room.

“I was waiting for you to wake up.” Takanori felt stupid. All this time he had so desperately hoped for Yuu to regain consciousness, and now that he had, he didn’t know how to behave at all. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do.

“Well, I am now.” Yuu’s voice was distant. Almost cold. Takanori felt his heart ache painfully when Yuu retreated his hand from his; weakly, his hand dropped onto the mattress. He knew he deserved this. But yet, it still hurt extremely.

“I was so worried about you,” he admitted quietly, lowering his head to stare at the mattress instead. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t wake up. A-and back in your apartment… God, I thought you were gonna die.” Sobs climbed up his throat, and he swallowed them down by taking a deep breath.

Yuu shifted slightly to accommodate his position, and gasped painfully.

Worried, Takanori looked back up.

“Shouldn’t you worry about your new lover instead?” Yuu snapped. He refused to look at him as he spit those words out like he had done with his blood mere hours ago. Then, he groaned, and pressed his healthy hand to his stomach as he grimaced in agony once more. He blinked several times, and Takanori noticed the fatigue on Yuu’s face. They truly shouldn’t be discussing upsetting things like this right now. Not so soon after Yuu had woken up.

“He’s not my new lover,” Takanori whispered ashamed as he cast down his gaze. He had prayed for Yuu not to find out about his stupid faux pas, but considering his bad luck, he should have very much anticipated it. “I… Somehow I thought it was a good idea to get involved wit Jirou. But as soon as I… as soon as we… I regretted it immediately. But I never slept with him. We… we just kissed.” Takanori halted in his desperate explanation to get his thoughts in order, but he still didn’t dare look at him. “God, I’m so sorry. It was so fucking stupid. I was so fucking stupid. I thought I could get over my confusing feelings that way. But I was wrong. God, I was so fucking wrong. And so fucking selfish and–” He shut his mouth abruptly and shook his head angrily as he realized that he was talking about nothing but himself. “That’s not important right now, though. All that matters is you. All that matters is that you finally woke up.”

Silently, Yuu stared at him. He didn’t look like he believed Takanori. And Takanori supposed that it was only fair; he hadn’t given Yuu the best of reasons to believe the authenticity of his feelings for him. All he had done thus far was hurt him and push him away.

“Please leave,” Yuu’s voice was just as quiet as his. “I want to be alone right now. I want to rest.”

Feeling a painful sting in his heart, Takanori nodded weakly. No matter how urgently he wanted to talk to Yuu, no matter how urgently he wanted to make this right, he knew that he had to give him time and space. His mind seemed much clearer than the night before; and with the clarity, the hurt Takanori had inflicted on him must have sparked up as well.

His eyes told him as much.

“Of course. I understand.” With his heart sinking to his stomach, he turned around and slowly left the room.

 

 

When Yuu woke again, he stared into the pale face of his mother.

“Ma,” he whispered wearily, and pushed himself into a sitting position. The doctor Yutaka had sent for had given him a sedative to decrease his pain and get him to rest some more, and he felt less worn out. Thought now, it seemed as though he was surrounded by a sea of fog.

“Yuu!” Tentatively, she cradled his face in her hands, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Oh thank God.” She retreated from his face, and caressed his cheeks with her thumbs. “How are you feeling, honey?”

Feeling a wave of unconditional love wash over him, Yuu leaned into her touch. It somehow soothed his soul, and wiped away parts of the fog. “I’m okay, ma.” He looked at her, and worry filled him as he took in her red, puffy eyes, the dark circles beneath them and her pale cheeks. She didn’t look very good. “How are you? I’m so sorry if I made you worry.”

She sniveled as though she was fighting against some invisible tears. “It’s fine, honey. Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re finally awake again.” Then, her jaw started to tremble, and tears spilled out of her eyes. She pressed her forehead against his, and he felt her whole body shake as she cried quietly. “I was so scared that you’d die,” she sobbed.

His chest tightened as her words echoed in his mind; the same words Takanori had uttered as well. The thought of him filled him with pain yet again. His heart ached so much he felt as though it was going to stop beating any minute now. Seeing him at his bedside had hurt so much. It had hurt so much that Yuu hadn’t been able to bear it.

Because all he had been able to think about was how he wished that Takanori would stay by his side forever. That he would never leave him again, meanwhile it had torn him apart to look into his face. Surely, Takanori would leave him behind again as soon as Yuu was doing better again.

Yutaka by his side, he had listened to the doctor explaining his condition to him; however, he hadn’t cared much for any of it. He was past the point of caring about his own well-being. Back in his apartment, he had wished to die. Now, all he felt was a numbing indifference. “I’m sorry for making you worry,” he repeated dully.

Fetching a tissue from her purse, his mother cleaned her cheeks off the tears. “It’s not your fault, honey.” Her hand got shaken by violent tremors, and she pressed the tissue against her lips as a sob escaped her throat. “I can’t believe this bastard did this to you. I thought I was gonna kill him any second. Oh god, I’m so sorry.” She leant forward, and buried her face on his shoulder. “I should’ve kept him away from you. I should’ve protected you.”

His heart froze over. “You know who did this?” the tone of his voice felt weak and frail. He hadn’t told anyone but Takanori. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to talk to Yutaka properly, because the medications had knocked him out rather quickly. The last thing they had talked about was for Yutaka to head home and get some rest as well. He had looked awful; probably almost as awful as Yuu must have looked like.

“He confessed right in this room.” She sniveled audibly. “At first I didn’t even know what was happening. He came into the room, and he got close to the bed, and suddenly Takanori started to scream at him to stay away from you. And that’s when… that’s when he admitted to what he’d done.” She straightened up, and tucked one of Yuu’s strands behind his ear before she caressed his cheek again. “But you don’t have to worry about any of this. I’m going to file for divorce as soon as possible. And Takanori said he would take care of the legal issues. He said he’d make sure to get your father locked away for what he did.”

Yuu blinked at the input of information; he had difficulties processing all of what his mother was telling him. He felt the feeling of anxiety and relief fill him up to equal parts. He felt relieved that his mother knew about what his father had done to him, and that she condemned his actions. He felt anxious about what else she might have found out this way. “D-Did he say why he did it?” he asked before he could stop himself. He didn’t know what he ought to tell her if she negated his question; however, the worst thing possible had already been done to him, hadn’t it?

Hesitancy in her eyes, she looked at him. Then, she lowered her gaze. “He said he did it because… because you’re… gay.” She pressed her lips into a thin line, which made them appear even less colorful than they already seemed to be.

His heart skipped a beat. For a moment, he was completely frozen, not knowing how to handle the fact that she knew. Not knowing whether he should deny it, or finally admit to the truth. However, the thought of lying to her after all he had put her through already made him feel sick. “I didn’t mean for you to find out this way. I… I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared of how you’d react. I was so scared you’d hate me.”

She looked at him, horror in her eyes. “I could never hate you. You’re my son, no matter what.” She seized his hand, and squeezed it affirmatively. “It might not be… what I hoped for you, but… that doesn’t mean I’ll love you any less.” Her grip on his hand weakened, and she lowered her gaze in shame.

Though she didn’t reject him like his father had, Yuu still felt a painful sting in his heart at her words. “I tried so hard to be normal, ma, I really did. But I couldn’t do it. _This_ is who I am. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You’re always gonna be my beautiful boy, no matter what.” She raised their hands, and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “It might take me some time to adjust, but all I want for you is to be happy. You’re not normal. You never have been. You’ve always been extraordinary. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past. But I swear to you, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always support you, no matter what. And if Takanori is the one that makes you happy, then I’ll be the last person to stand in your way.” She squeezed his hand once more.

Yuu blushed crimson. “T-Takanori? What makes you say that?” he mumbled embarrassedly. His heart ached as the image of Takanori appeared before his mind’s eye. But at the same time, it started to hammer against the inside of his chest vigorously.

His mother looked at him confused. “He’s your… boyfriend, isn’t he?” she asked, but he could read the uncertainty in her eyes, the same way he noticed her waver at the word ‘boyfriend’.

He would have lied if he had said he was unaffected by it. But he also understood that his mother needed time to come to terms with who he was. “He’s not,” he whispered sadly. He wanted to say more, explain to her how there was no chance in hell Takanori would ever be his boyfriend, but his voice refused him. His throat felt as though he was being choked.

“Oh?” The confusion painted a deep frown on her forehead. “I thought he was with the way he acted. He… he seemed so worried and protective of you. He even refused to leave your side. Or let go of your hand even. His doctor friend had to basically drag him out by the ear to get coffee, and he refused to go home and get some rest, even though he looked like he was gonna collapse from exhaustion any minute. And your father said the two of you were… you know. So I thought…” she shook her head, “Never mind. I’m sorry, don’t mind me. I just thought… well it first struck me as weird but when your father said that you were both gay, his behavior suddenly seemed to make sense. He seemed as though he genuinely cares about you.”

Yuu’s blush deepened. “Y-You think so?” he mumbled before he could stop his cursed tongue. He knew it was stupid to even consider the possibility. He knew it was stupid to hope. But something else struck him as he considered his mother’s words.

Takanori had shown up at his front door because he had wanted to talk to him.

Yuu never got to find out what it had been about. But something inside of him itched to find out what Takanori had been meaning to talk to him about. What he had been so desperate to tell him. Why he had shown up at his apartment when he had previously told Yuu that they should stop seeing each other in private.

Why he had woken by his bedside the whole time.

However, Takanori was partly right. This was not the only important thing, no matter how much it mattered to Yuu.

“You said Takanori was gonna take care of the legal issues. What did you mean by that?”

His mother fumbled with the tissue in her hands. “Well, I know it’s up to you, but… he said the chances were good that we could get your father to pay for what he did. If you reported what he did to the police.”

Yuu’s heartrate began to accelerate. He wanted to make his father pay for what he had done. He would do anything to see him locked behind bars. “Are you sure about this?” he inquired. “I know you said you wanted a divorce, but reporting him to the police… it would get him years of prison.”

His mother’s voice was as stone-cold as her expression. “I should hope so.

“He can rot in jail for all eternity.”

 

* * *

 

A soft knock echoed through the hospital room. Then, the door pushed open, and a head framed by blonde hair slid inside. “You wanted to talk to me?”

Yuu’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Takanori. His heart skipped another beat at the hesitancy on his face. “Yeah. Please come in.”

Tugging at his lower lip with his teeth, Takanori ushered inside. His steps were just as hesitant as he approached the bed. Indecisive, he stood before the bed, arms tucked away behind his back like a shy schoolgirl. He still looked awfully worn out; like he hadn’t gotten much rest in the few hours they had spent apart.

With a lot of effort, Yuu pushed himself into a more upright sitting position. A numb pain shot through his stomach and ribs, but he ignored it as best as he could. The painkillers he had gotten earlier were starting to wear off. He felt himself hesitate for a moment as well, then he softly patted the mattress.

He knew it was masochistic to ask Takanori to come so close to him. But it also felt more intimate. And somehow, he needed it to be. He needed them to be close for the things he wanted to talk about.

“My mom told me about what you offered to do. You know, see to it that my… birth giver gets locked away.” The insult didn’t stop him from feeling nauseous at the thought of his father.

Still hesitant, Takanori carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. Not as close as Yuu wanted him to be, but at least he hadn’t refused his offer entirely. “There’s nothing I want more.” Takanori averted his gaze; his jaw clenched. “I didn’t know what else to do. I felt so completely helpless when you were unconscious. I know this doesn’t make up for anything. But it’s the only thing I can do. If you want my help.” His voice lacked conviction – not about his own skills, or about them pulling it off. It felt as though he didn’t expect Yuu to take him up on the offer. To accept his help.

To have him send him away again instead.

And though the rational part in Yuu tried to convince him that sending him away would be for the best, he felt himself incapable of doing it. He had missed Takanori so fucking much. How truly masochistic of him to call him here and ask him to talk.

“Thank you,” Yuu breathed. Then, he caught up on what Takanori had said. “Wait, what are you talking about?” he asked confused. “You sound like it’s your fault that I’m,” he motioned at himself with his uninjured hand, “like this.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?” Takanori finally looked up at him again, and Yuu spotted tears in the corners of his eyes. “If I hadn’t been so goddamn stupid then I would’ve been there with you. Then maybe none of this would’ve happened. O-or if I hadn’t used the worst moment possible to make clear to Akira that it’s over, if I hadn’t screwed that up as well, then… maybe he wouldn’t have tried to get at you like he did. Then maybe he wouldn’t have told your father in the first place.” Shaky fingers ran through his blonde strands. Then, he pushed his glasses up lightly to wipe the tears from his eyes.

Yuu noticed that he wasn’t wearing any makeup. For some strange reason that filled him with a warped sense of joy and pride. It probably didn’t even have anything to do with him. He didn’t matter as much as he would have liked to, he was sure of it.

“None of this is your fault,” Yuu assured him. He appreciated Takanori feeling guilty over what had happened, but he had no reason to blame himself. “Besides, we can’t change what happened.” The damage had literally been done already. “My birth giver is the only one to blame. He’s the one who did this to me.”

Takanori shrugged helplessly. “But I did hurt you too, didn’t I? I hurt you so badly, you must hate me. All because I was too fucking afraid to–“ his voice broke, and he tugged at his strands angrily. “Oh God, I’m so fucking selfish. Look at me, always just talking about myself. I’m the fucking worst. Even when I thought I was doing something selfless for once, I was just trying to spare myself from getting hurt. A-and I hurt you in the process, just because I was too scared to get hurt again myself. B-but then I realized that I don’t care about that. I just can’t take it anymore. The thought of losing you is far scarier than anything else.” He fell silent, his gaze cast downward still. His cheeks had started to get tinged with a deep red.

Yuu’s heart was racing at that point. He was trying to grasp what Takanori was saying, but his thoughts were spinning out of control as his heart hammered away in his chest incessantly. “I-I don’t understand,” he whispered, “What are you saying?”

Finally, Takanori lifted his head. New tears shone in his eyes. “I’m saying that I screwed up badly. And I’m so fucking sorry. I hope that you can forgive me.” His fingers trembled as he reached for Yuu’s hand. Slowly, he turned it around and painted light trails on his palm. “I know it’s selfish to ask this of you, but I’m begging you to give me another chance. No, I’m begging you to give _us_ a chance. A real one, I mean.”

Yuu felt his body tense at his words. A swarm of butterflies set off in his stomach, soothing the inner pain that had begun to flare up again. He didn’t want this. Desperately, he tried to keep the butterflies at bay. Desperately, he tried to keep his heart from beating this fast. Desperately, he tried to keep himself from hoping. “You don’t have to do this,” he whispered. He wanted to pull his hand away, but he wasn’t even strong enough to do as much. The vicious hope within him kept his hand pinned to the mattress, beneath the touch of Takanori’s fingers. “I know you blame yourself for what happened. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to make anything up to me. I get why you did what you did. It hurts so fucking much, but I get it. You don’t feel the same way as I feel about you, so you had to end things.” Yuu swallowed hard as his heart got torn in two all over again. But he knew this was something he had to learn to accept somehow.

He was masochistic and dumb, but he wasn’t blind. He wouldn’t surrender to the illusion that Takanori saw anything in him.

“I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want to make you feel as though you have to do this. I don’t want you to stay with me just because you feel like you have to make up for something. I don’t want you to stick with me out of a false sense of obligation when I know you don’t feel the same way as I do.”

Takanori looked at him appalled. “No, Yuu, you’ve got it all wrong,” his voice was shaky. Almost desperate. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I was wrong to break things off with you. I did it because I was afraid. Because I couldn’t admit to myself that I… that I do feel the same way about you.” Carefully, he lifted Yuu’s hand, and pressed a kiss to his palm.

Incredulously, Yuu stared at him. His stomach fluttered pleasantly as he felt the lingering sensation of Takanori’s lips on his palm. Still, he struggled with the things he was hearing. Struggled with their authenticity. He was still too scared to hope. “W-Wait… Y-You do?” he asked weakly. Warily.

A faint smile appeared on Takanori’s lips; Yuu felt incredibly happy when he refused to let go of his hand, and instead seized it with both of his. “It took me ages to finally admit it to myself, but it’s true. I’m head over heels for you. I’ve just been too afraid to accept that. When I broke things off with you, I did it because I was in denial about how I felt about you. I only tried to get things on with Jirou because I thought I could get over you that way. When in reality, I was just fooling myself.

“I thought I was doing the right thing by pushing you away, when instead I should’ve probably hugged you. Or jump you. Or kiss you. Or all at once.” He blushed ferociously. “I know this is a lot to ask. I know I screwed up badly. I hurt you so much, and there’s no excuse for that. You know I’ve got issues. You’ve seen what my relationship with Akira has done to me. And you’re probably better off with someone else. Someone less complicated and less screwed up. God knows you deserve so much better than me. But… I’m too selfish to just let you go because I want to be with you.” He squeezed Yuu’s hand tightly, before he brushed the back of it with his lips. “That’s what I wanted to tell you last night, before all of this shit happened. I want to give us a try. I want us to be together. If you still want me. If you can find it in yourself to forgive me.” He averted his gaze almost shamefully, as though admitting those things out loud was akin to him confessing his deepest sins.

Dumbfounded, Yuu stared at him. He hadn’t expected any of this. Not in his wildest dreams had he imagined that Takanori would reciprocate his feelings. And the realization overwhelmed him. He wanted to say so much, but he couldn’t think of a single cohesive thing. “You really mean that?” he uttered instead. “A-are you sure that’s what you want? A-are you sure you’re not just saying that because you feel guilty?” Last remnants of doubt still remained within his scarred heart. Remnants that he fought hard to cut out, to accept the reality Takanori tried to convince him of.

When Takanori nodded slowly, Yuu felt like the happiest person on earth; no matter that they were currently sitting on a hospital bed. “Yes. I want to be with you more than anything. I’m not saying this because I feel guilty. I’m saying this because I know it’s the truth.” He bit down on his lower lip, then uttered a dry laugh. “It’s what made you end up in this damned hospital bed to begin with. Akira told your father because I told him that I didn’t love him anymore. Because I told him that I was in love with you. That I wanted to be with you. So yes, I’m sure it’s what I want. I’ve never been this sure about anything before.”

Feeling his heart nearly jump out of his chest, Yuu gazed at Takanori. At his blushed cheeks, and the way he gnawed at his lips in the most adorable display of insecurity. At his warm eyes that shone behind dark-framed glasses. That conveyed nothing but sincerity.

Slowly, Yuu felt the last remnants of doubt evaporate into thin air. Slowly, reality seeped into his mind. Slowly, he pulled at Takanori’s hand.

Timidly, he inched closer, until Yuu was able to cradle his face without having to put too much strain on his battered body. Softly, he caressed his reddened cheek with his thumb. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Takanori’s. “I want to be with you as well,” he breathed against his lips as he finally allowed the spark of hope to ignite within. He temporarily closed his eyes, focusing only on Takanori’s sweet scent and the feeling of his breath caressing Yuu’s lips. “God, I’ve missed you so much.” He raised his head and pressed a tender kiss to Takanori’s nose.

“I’ve missed you so much as well.” The blush on Takanori’s cheeks must have been as deep as his own was judging by the way his cheeks burnt hotly. For another second, Yuu wordlessly studied his beautiful face, meanwhile he kept caressing his cheek with his thumb. All the pain he had endured, physically and emotionally, felt insignificant as he examined his features; his features he hadn’t been sure to ever see again only hours before, when he had lost consciousness. None of it mattered anymore. Not his wish to die. Not his heartache. None of it. “Of course I forgive you,” Yuu breathed. Then, he bridged the gap between them, and pressed his lips to Takanori’s.

His lips tasted just like he remembered them. They felt just like he remembered them. Feeling Takanori return his kiss filled him with a warm fluttering just like he remembered it. Slowly, their lips moved against each other, as though they tried to salvage every second of it. As though they were trying to catch each and every emotion that flowed through them. Forgotten was all the pain. Forgotten was all the hardship, all the ordeals that they had lived through. Forgotten was everything his father had done to him. Right now, all that mattered to him was Takanori. All of his pain and all of his sorrows tumbled from his shoulders. All his grief and anguish got melted away by the feeling of Takanori’s lips against his.

Gingerly, Takanori lifted his hands to his face. He touched it only ever so slightly, as though he was trying his hardest not to hurt Yuu by touching him. And Yuu just loved him even more for this small gesture.

Sliding his hand to Takanori’s nape, Yuu pulled his head closer. He wanted to remain in this moment forever. In this moment of utter bliss and happiness, where nothing besides them mattered. Where he could just sit and kiss Takanori forever.

The tips of their tongues touched, and Yuu felt himself shiver. Though their kiss deepened, neither of them felt the urge to spice things up (not that Yuu was really in the condition to do so). Instead, they sat closely, sharing a most passionate, heartfelt kiss that made Yuu’s head spin. He felt Takanori sigh into the kiss, and his lips morphed into a happy smile.

He had never imagined to get so close with Takanori again.

He had never imagined to kiss him again.

He had never imagined for him to reciprocate his feelings.

Their lips parted, and Yuu’s eyelids slowly fluttered open. When he opened his eyes, he was met with a breathtaking smile that made his heart skip yet another beat. “You must be an angel,” he whispered breathlessly, thereby caressing the nape of Takanori’s neck.

Takanori laughed happily, but blushed deeply. “I think you got that backwards. I thought I was a devil?” Though the way he softly caressed a spot on Yuu’s cheek that had remained unscathed with his thumb proved his words to be wrong.

Yuu pressed another, ginger kiss to his lips. “Somehow you’re always exactly what I need you to be,” he murmured. Then, he rested his forehead against Takanori’s once more; he hadn’t even felt the exhaustion before. He had been too preoccupied with Takanori and their feelings.

“Are you alright?” Takanori asked worriedly as Yuu took a deep breath. Gently, he brought some distance between them to study his face. “You look awfully pale.” With a tender movement, he removed a long strand from Yuu’s face.

“Hmm,” Yuu hummed. “Just tired.” He failed to suppress the yawn, and he blinked repeatedly to get a grip on his exhaustion. However, his mind began to drift off, no matter how much he tried to fight against it. He didn’t want Takanori to leave.

Takanori yawned as well. “Fuck,” he mumbled, and pinched the bridge of his nose, thereby pushing his glasses up an inch. He looked utterly adorable while he did this.

“Have you slept at all?” Yuu asked worriedly.

He received a vague shrug as a reply. “I guess. I think I dozed off every now and then.” Takanori bit down on his lower lip, and looked at him as though he was going to get scolded any minute.

Yuu studied him silently, then he scooted to the side of the bed. He pushed the covers to the side, and patted on the empty space next to him.

Takanori’s eyes widened, and he blushed yet again. “What are you–“ His teeth found back to his lip again, and this time, they tugged at it.

For a moment, he felt himself hesitate, just like Takanori did. However, he didn’t give a damn anymore. He didn’t give a damn whether this was allowed, or socially acceptable that two men shared a hospital bed. He didn’t give a damn about anyone walking in on them; after all, they weren’t doing anything indecent. “What, am I not allowed to cuddle with my boyfriend?” he said, voice feigning a confidence he truly didn’t feel as he uttered the word.

At his words, Takanori’s eyes glinted. “Boyfriend?” He reached for Yuu’s hand and entwined their fingers. “I like the sound of that.” A smile stretched on his lips, and he let go of Yuu’s hand to slip out of his shoes. Only now did Yuu realize that he was wearing dark leggings again; however, he successfully kept his more primal urges at bay. Not that his body was in any shape to do things like this at the moment.

He laid back down, and watched impatiently as Takanori took off his glasses and placed them on the bedside table. Then, he finally crawled up to him, and cautiously snuggled up to Yuu. With a content hum, Yuu wrapped his arm around Takanori’s waist, and pulled him as close to his body as he could manage.

Sniggering, Takanori reached over his body to pull the blanket over them, then, he rested his head on Yuu’s chest.

Heart beating rapidly, Yuu turned his head to press a kiss to Takanori’s hair. Then, he buried his face in the blonde strands. He had never thought to get this lucky. He had never thought that Takanori would belong to him. And now he did. Now, he was where he belonged.

In Yuu’s arms.

“Just so you know,” Yuu muttered into his hair. “I don’t think you’re selfish. And I don’t think I’d be better off with someone else.” He felt his eyes fall shut. “You’re everything I could’ve ever hoped for. I’m lucky to have you.”

He felt Takanori shift, and opened his eyes. He had pushed himself up, and was now looking down at Yuu. His fingers traced his cheek softly, before his thumb caressed his lower lip. “No. I’m the lucky one.” He bent down and pressed a ginger kiss to Yuu’s lips. Then, he snuggled back up to his chest. “I’m the lucky one,” he repeated with a murmur, just as Yuu felt his eyes fall shut again.

Both of them were fast asleep only seconds later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's making me kinda sad to think there's only five chapters left of this story T-T Still, I'll enjoy every last minute of it. I can't wait till this baby is finally officially finished. Thank you guys so much for your support! ♥


	37. Chapter 37

Yuu pressed the phone to his ear more closely as he felt his fingers lose their grip on the device. The phone call had already lasted over half an hour, and his hand was getting tired, especially since he was unable to switch hands due to his broken wrist.

“Are you sure?” he asked for the umpteenth time.

Aiko sighed at the other end of the line. “I know you and dad have never gotten along, and I appreciate that you’re worried about us but I’m with mom one hundred percent. I talked about it with her earlier as well. He needs to pay for what he did to you.”

Yuu lowered his gaze to his lap. “I just… I just don’t want to destroy our family,” he whispered voicelessly. He didn’t give a shit about his father, however, he felt extremely guilty towards his mother and his sister.

“You’re not the one who destroyed it, Yuu. He is. He destroyed it when he beat you to a pulp. When he… when he nearly killed you.” Her voice had been resolute and strong the whole time, but now, it started to waver. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe he said that he wants you dead.”

Yuu felt a painful sting in his heart. Even though it hadn’t been news to him that his father hated his guts, it still sparked feelings of anguish within him to think about how far his hatred for him reached. “I- I know. I’m just–“ He closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say. He couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt, no matter how much he wanted to make his father pay.

“I wish I could be there with you. I’m so sorry,” Aiko apologized. “I wish I could hug you right now, little brother.”

Her words managed to put a faint smile on his lips. “It’s not your fault. I know you have to stay with Koichi. But thank you, your words mean a lot.” Koichi had come down with a bad flu, so Aiko was unable to take him to Tokyo with her to visit Yuu in the hospital. And she could much less leave Koichi at home by himself, seeing how Daisuke was on another business trip out of town. “Plus I think it’s best if he doesn’t see me this way.” When he had gazed into the mirror for the first time after the incident, his heart had nearly stopped. He looked horrifying. He had cuts and bruises all over his face. His lip was still busted, and his left eye was tinged in a dark shade of purple; at least the swelling had gone back by now. And those were only the visible traces of his father’s cruelty.

Aiko sighed again. “I guess you’re right. But I mean it, Yuu. Don’t worry about us. Do what you have to do.” She fell silent for a while, and Yuu could hear faint noises. “I have to go now, Koichi woke up. I love you, little brother.”

“I love you, too.”

Yuu lowered his hand as the regular beeping indicated the end of their call, and he leaned back in his bed. He still felt awful, even after all the reassuring words from his mother and sister.

“How’d it go?”

He turned his head towards the door, and his heart skipped a beat. Takanori, who had originally only peaked his head into the room to see whether Yuu was still talking to his sister, now entered the room. He walked over to the bed, and dropped down onto the mattress opposite of Yuu.

“Okay, I guess.” Yuu closed his eyes and inhaled heavily. When he felt warm fingers caress his cheek, he opened them again. He was met with Takanori’s worried face. “She took it very well. You know, the whole me being gay thing. She’s also incredibly overjoyed that you’re my boyfriend.” Yuu laughed sheepishly as an embarrassed hotness tickled his cheeks. He had been as anxious as ever to tell his sister about his sexuality as well, but he had felt it necessary in his explanations.

When he saw Takanori’s eyes light up with joy, a warm fluttering coursed through his stomach. “Really? She doesn’t mind?”

Yuu shook his head. Softly, he grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. The fact that Takanori was indeed his boyfriend now still seemed surreal to him. And he loved to touch the other to assure himself that this was real, and not just a cruel dream. “Not in the slightest.” Yuu returned Takanori’s smile faintly, then his expression dropped. “What if I’m making a mistake?” he murmured, changing the subject. He lowered his gaze, too ashamed to look at him.

“Yuu, no.” Takanori cradled his face in his hand, and gingerly lifted Yuu’s head so he would look at him. Caringly, he painted soothing circles on his cheek. “I know it’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing. Your father deserves to be punished for what he did.”

He averted his gaze once more. He knew that Takanori was right. Deep within his heart, he knew all too well. And yet, something still kept holding him back. “I know, I’m just… If I do this, I’m gonna get him sent to prison for a long time. I know ma and Aiko both say it’s fine but what if… what if they change their mind?” He bit down on his already abused lip until it hurt. This wasn’t like deciding to get a dog, or to talk about what they were going to have for dinner. It was deciding about his father’s life. About all their lives.

Takanori squeezed his hand tightly. “I think you give yourself much less credit than you deserve.”

Yuu looked up to him questioningly.

“I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you’re not worth it, right? You’re thinking you have no right to put them through something like that. You’re thinking you should swallow down what has been done to you, so you won’t burden other people. So you won’t do anything that’s inconvenient to them.” Takanori’s voice was serious and the whole time, he caressed Yuu’s cheek with his thumb. “You’re afraid to hurt them like you have been hurt. And that’s what I love about you. You care so fucking much. But sometimes you care too much about other people, and too little about yourself.”

A single tear rolled down his face at Takanori’s words. They hit home. Takanori was right. He was right with every word. “Am I?” Yuu whispered. “Am I worth it?” He highly doubted it.

With his thumb, Takanori wiped the tear away. “You are. You’re worth so much, Yuu. You’re worth so much more than you think. Much more than that scumbag. You might not see it, but your family does. As do I.” He leaned forward, and pressed a tender kiss to Yuu’s cheek. “You’ve endured so much. You’ve been through so much. I can’t bear to see you suffer any more.” This time, Takanori gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Neither can Yutaka. Neither can Aiko. Neither can your mom.”

Another tear escaped Yuu’s eye as Takanori’s words touched his soul. Being held by Takanori this way, being cared for this way, made the weight on his heart shrink. Being cared for this much greatly affected him. He felt the doubt about his self-worth decrease with every of Takanori’s touches. Still, it felt as though the doubt was being cut off slightly above the root, with the core of it still remaining deep within Yuu’s soul. He wanted to believe Takanori so badly, but he was still afraid that he would make the wrong decision.

Takanori seemed to sense his hesitancy. “If not for you, do it for Koichi.”

Confused, Yuu studied Takanori’s serious face. “Koichi? What do you mean?”

Takanori lowered his hand to take a hold of Yuu’s hand with both of his. “Just imagine what’d happen if Koichi turned out to be gay. Or if your sister got another child. Or if you got one of your own one day. If… if maybe we got a child one day.” He blushed at his own words. “Imagine if any of them happened to be gay. Imagine if your father found out. Imagine what he might do to them.”

Yuu gasped at the prospect. He had never considered this option. Being subjected to his father’s hatred like that had been one thing, but the thought of an innocent child like Koichi suffering the same fate as him one day was unbearable. It didn’t matter that all of those possibilities were big ifs as of now; the mere thought was horrifying enough. “I didn’t even consider that,” he mumbled in a state of shock at the thought. He didn’t know how likely it was to happen, but the fact that he was pretty much dead to his father suggested the assumption that he would sooner or later start to look for a suitable heir elsewhere. And the most logical option was Koichi.

His father had been cruel enough to him as it was; before he had known that Yuu was gay. And he very much thought it in the realm of possibilities that his father would eventually start to treat Koichi the same way he had treated him, gay or not.

Takanori seized his face with both hands. “Please, Yuu. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you. But I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s the best thing to do. For everyone’s sake. Believe me when I tell you your father deserves this. He’s a despicable person whose reckoning is long overdue. I know it might be tough for your family, but I’m sure you’ll pull through. After all, you have each other.”

He felt himself nod slowly. Exhausted, he leaned his forehead against Takanori’s. “You’re right. Thank you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He let his head slide to the side and rested it on Takanori’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck.

Softly, Takanori wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. “Of course. You’ve done so much for me, now it’s my turn to help you. I’m here for you, no matter what. You don’t have to go through this by yourself.”

Deeply moved by his words, Yuu reached for Takanori’s hand. With a tender tug, he pulled his hand to his face, and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I don’t think I could do this without you,” he admitted quietly.

“You don’t have to worry about any of that,” Takanori retorted just as quietly. “I abandoned you once, I don’t plan on doing it again.”

Yuu felt the pace of his heart speed up at his words. He couldn’t deny that words like these reassured him greatly. He had doubted so much that Takanori felt nearly the same as he did, so hearing him utter things like that helped convince him more and more each time that what they had was real. That what he had was real. That Takanori was his and that he was there to stay by his side.

They remained in their embrace for a while, where all they did was cherish and enjoy each other’s company. Yuu didn’t say it out loud, but he was sure that Takanori could feel just how much he needed this. Just how much he needed to simply be held by him. To be told these kinds of words. To be shown just how much he truly mattered to the blonde.

“Does your father’s offer still stand?” Yuu asked quietly after a while, face still buried in the crook of Takanori’s neck.

“Of course.”

Yuu finally broke away from Takanori to look at him. They had talked about their possible legal steps already, and Takanori had informed him how his father had offered to help Yuu out. And Yuu knew that he had to decide soon. He wasn’t as much afraid that Hiroto’s offer expired as he was worried that the more time he wasted, the more time his father had to prepare for possible legal consequences of his actions. Three days of hospital stay were already a lot of time, and Yuu knew that his own indecisiveness was at fault. “You said he knows an attorney who is willing to take my case?”

“Yeah,” Takanori grabbed a strand of Yuu’s hair, and twirled it around his index finger. “Just say the word and I’ll tell dad to give her a call.”

For another moment, Yuu contemplated. For another moment, Yuu hesitated. Silently, he studied Takanori’s face. Silently, he stared into his warm eyes that made his stomach flutter. Silently, he closed his eyes as Takanori bent forward to kiss him gingerly. Reassuringly.

When he released Yuu’s lips, it was as though he was taking the last ounces of hesitancy with him. “Could you give your dad a call then?” Yuu asked, before he took a deep breath to suppress the anxiety inside of him. He was doing the right thing. Takanori was right. His father deserved this. His father was the one who had destroyed their family. Not him.

Takanori nodded gently. “Shall I call the police as well?” he asked tentatively.

Yuu swallowed thickly as his anxiety started to peak. He felt how his body begged him to back down from this, to stop this before it was too late. To flee, to run from his problems like he always had. But he was done listening to his fears. He was done giving in to them. Yuu had made his decision and he would stick by it. There was no going back from this. “Yes, please.”

The day of reckoning had come for his father.

 

 

“Checkmate!” Triumphantly, Takanori kicked Yuu’s king over with his queen.

With a pout, Yuu sank back into his pillow. At the sight, Takanori’s grin grew. “You want a rematch?” he offered teasingly.

Yuu snorted incredulously. “Uh, and get beaten by you for the fourth time? I don’t think so,” he sulked.

Takanori bit down on his lower lip to suppress the smirk. He did feel a tad bad about beating Yuu repeatedly, when he had originally meant to lighten up his mood. They had talked to his father’s friend as well as an inspector of the Tokyo Police Department, and Yuu had filed a charge against his father for aggravated battery. Now, they were waiting for the inspector to give Yuu’s attorney a call and update them on the investigations; he had told them that he was going to bring Yuu’s father in for questioning.

Alas, he had meant to distract Yuu from the tension of waiting for a call from his attorney, but playing chess had proven to be a bad idea. For the more often Yuu lost, the saltier he got.

“Can’t we play something else?” he complained.

Takanori rolled his eyes at the cute pout. “And what? You’re not exactly up for card games. And last time I asked you didn’t seem too keen on Monopoly either.”

Yuu grunted affirmatively, then sighed. He looked at Takanori as though he was contemplating their other options, but after a few seconds, Takanori noticed his gaze flicker to his lips more and more often.

Longingly, his tongue darted out to wet his lips. He saw Yuu’s eyes darken with lust, and smirked slightly.

“I have another idea what we could do,” Yuu whispered, and he bent forward until their lips almost touched.

“Hmm, and what would that be, Mr. Lawyer?” Takanori hummed approvingly, feeling his heartrate pick up as he felt Yuu’s breath caress his lips. “I’m afraid you’re not really in the shape for any of _those_ games, though,” he added, pity in his voice.

Yuu grunted. Then, he took Takanori’s lower lip between his teeth, and sucked it in. Takanori felt a tingling sensation shoot through his body. Most of their kisses they had shared ever since Yuu had woken up had been chaste, but now, he felt unrestrained desire flow through him.

“I might be restricted, but you sure as hell ain’t,” Yuu breathed against his lips.

“Look at you. Even banged up you’re still insatiable.” Takanori had meant to sound scolding, but his own want laced his voice, and he downright moaned the words at the prospect of what he could do to Yuu. How he could make him feel better. How he could lift his mood. And in his battered state, Yuu most certainly wasn’t going to be able to do much in return. The thought of getting back at him for the little bit of bondage in Nagoya excited him. As did the thought of the possibility of them getting caught by anyone that happened to enter the room.

Instead of an answer, Yuu finally connected their lips in a passionate kiss.

Not wasting any time, Takanori wrapped his arms around his neck, and pulled him close. Blowing all caution to the wind, their tongues collided, and they both moaned into their hungry kiss. Takanori felt as though he was going to be devoured by his longing any second. He had missed Yuu so much. He had missed his body so much. His kisses. His touches. The way he made him feel when he kissed him like that.

The days they had spent apart had taken a toll on both of them. And he had tried his hardest to keep his urges under control in the last days in regards to Yuu’s condition. However, getting kissed by him like that made Takanori forget all of his caution; he felt his self-control slip as he kissed Yuu back eagerly.

“Yuu? I’m–“

He had almost anticipated to be interrupted by someone. Though he hadn’t anticipated to be interrupted this soon.

Startled, they parted, and he saw Yuu blush just as much as himself. In a daze, he turned his head. A jolt of disbelief shot through him as he spotted Akira in the doorframe, eyes widened as he stared at them dumbfounded.

He didn’t even feel bad about getting caught by Akira this way. He didn’t feel bad about the hurt in Akira’s eyes as he had seen them together like this.

He only felt bad about getting interrupted by him.

“What do you want?” he snapped, meanwhile Yuu stared at Akira in silent bafflement.

“I-I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked,” Akira stuttered embarrassedly. “I didn’t know you guys were… uhm… I’m sorry.”

Annoyed, Takanori narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you want?” he repeated, voice as sharp as a knife.

Akira’s gaze wandered from him to Yuu, and back to him. “I, uh… I was hoping I could talk to Yuu,” he almost whispered. “If that’s alright with you,” he added, thereby looking at Yuu again.

Takanori saw the frown on Yuu’s face. “What about?” he asked. His tone was wary, but not hostile.

Which seemed to relieve Akira, whose shoulders slouched slightly as the tension in his body decreased. “I… uh… I wanted to… I wanted to apologize,” he said ashamed. “I’m the one who told your father.” Timidly, he approached the bed.

Takanori felt himself tense at the words. He felt still angry and appalled at what Akira had done. He almost wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he knew it wasn’t his call to make.

It was Yuu’s.

Uncertain, he glanced at him. Yuu’s expression was unreadable. He didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Go on,” Yuu said calmly.

Akira breathed out in obvious relief as Yuu agreed to hear him out. “I… I don’t know what Taka told you. I… that day he told me it was over. Really over, you know? And I lost my mind. I was so hurt and desperate that I got drunk and I… I don’t know.” Akira rubbed his upper arm in shame. “I guess I wanted to take it out on you. Because I thought you were to blame for me losing him. So I went to your firm. But you weren’t there. B-But your father, he was…”

His voice broke, and Takanori spotted tears in the corners of his eyes. Akira had never been one to cry often. Or openly. Otherwise, he might have not paid much attention to it. Now, however, he felt part of his anger die down. Akira looked so utterly ashamed. So utterly guilty. Like he genuinely regretted his actions.

“I couldn’t think clearly anymore. And I thought I could set your father against you if I made him believe that you stole my boyfriend from me. I-I didn’t know that he didn’t know. I-I didn’t know that he would… that he would do _this_ to you.” His voice started to shake, as did his knees.

His inner levees broke first. Tears started to stream down his cheeks, and Akira sobbed loudly. Then, his legs gave way and he sunk to his knees.

“I-I know I don’t deserve forgiveness from e-either of you,” he wept, his fingers dug into his thighs. “I made a t-terrible mistake. And I know I can’t undo what I d-did, no matter h-how much I wish I c-could.” His speech got shaken up by his sobs and hiccups as an unstoppable stream of tears ran down his face. “I-I just wanted to t-tell you how s-sorry I am for what I did. I’m so f-fucking sorry, Yuu.” All through his speech, he had stared at Yuu. Now, his head tilted around to look at Takanori. “I’m a-also sorry about what I did to you, T-Taka. You were right. You deserve someone b-better. Someone w-who treats you right. Someone who t-treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I’m so fucking s-sorry.”

Sobbing, he buried his face in his hands. His whole body got shaken as he cried, and Takanori felt his heart ache. He still couldn’t forgive Akira for what he had done to him. But that didn’t mean he felt any gratification in seeing him suffer like that, either. Not when he understood fair well how badly it hurt. How paralyzing, how terrifying it felt to take the blame for what had happened to Yuu.

Surprised, he looked at Yuu as he pushed the covers back; some of the chess pieces tumbled onto the mattress, but those seemed to be the least of Yuu’s concerns as he scooted to the edge of the bed. He panted silently, and pressed his hand to his stomach.

“Yuu, what are you doing?” Takanori asked worriedly.

He didn’t answer him, and instead, gritted his teeth as he pushed himself off the bed.

Without hesitation, Takanori stood as well to wrap his hand around Yuu’s waist and support him. Walking was still difficult for him, and every step seemed to pain him. That didn’t keep Yuu from stubbornly pressing forward, though. However, he did manage to give Takanori a thankful smile.

When they had reached Akira, who was still crying on the floor, Yuu motioned at Takanori to let him stand on his own.

First, he wanted to refuse him, because he didn’t see a good reason as to why Yuu should be without his support. However, when he stretched his left hand out to Akira, Takanori finally understood.

Incredulously, he watched Yuu.

“Akira,” Yuu spoke softly. “Akira, look at me.”

Still weeping silently, Akira lifted his head. His eyes widened in shock; he hadn’t even noticed them approach in his sorrow. Dumbfounded, he stared at Yuu, before his gaze fell to his outstretched hand.

The hesitancy in his eyes was unmissable. Akira looked as though he expected Yuu to turn on him any minute, to push him and maybe kick him while he was already on his knees.

But Takanori knew Yuu to be better than that. He would never do something like that. He knew that Yuu’s intentions were pure. And he felt his heart skip a beat at the renewed realization of what a wonderful person Yuu was – whether he could see it or not.

As Yuu made no move to change his mind, Akira carefully took his hand.

“I believe you,” he explained warmly. “I believe that you didn’t mean for any of this to happen. You couldn’t know. Nobody could’ve known.” Gently, he helped Akira get back to his feet. “Which is why I forgive you.”

Thrown completely off balance, Akira stared at him in disbelief. Speechlessly, he cleaned his face with his sleeve. “Y-You do?” His voice was but a mere whisper.

Yuu nodded seldom. “My birth giver is the only one who deserves to be blamed. Nobody else should suffer because of what he’s done. Never again.”

Biting his lower lip, Takanori meddled with the fingers of Yuu’s right hand. He knew he wasn’t able to move them much yet due to the broken wrist, so all he could was hold onto them lightly. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what else to do to show Yuu how fucking proud he was of him. How much he admired him for what he had just done. Something he wasn’t sure he would have been able to do if he had been in his shoes. Something that took enormous strength, and an even bigger heart.

“Thank you,” Akira breathed. Then, he bowed deeply. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. It means so much to me.”

When he raised his head again, he looked at Takanori. His gaze wasn’t expectantly, it was almost fearful.

Takanori averted his gaze. “I can’t,” he mumbled. He just wasn’t as strong as Yuu.

Akira sniveled. “No, it’s fine. I understand. I treated you so awfully. I deserve this. I know I do. It’s okay. I’m the one who broke us. I’m the one who made you fall out of love with me. Not Yuu. I get that now. I do sincerely love you. I always did. But I realized that words don’t mean anything if they don’t get backed up by actions. I’m sorry for hurting you.” He bowed again. “You deserve to be happy.” His voice was shaky, but he didn’t stutter as he talked. “I wish you both the best.”

Takanori still didn’t look at him as Akira turned around and walked out of the room.

“Nori?” Yuu asked softly. “Are you okay?”

Takanori wanted to answer in the affirmative, when he noticed the wetness on his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized that he had started to cry. Embarrassedly, he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand.

He had sworn to never cry over Akira again. And yet, his sincerity had touched him somehow. Akira had shown a much more mature side of himself than he had done altogether in the last months. Takanori couldn’t pretend like he had remained unaffected by his words. Or by their relationship. He also knew that there were still remainders inside of him; a last, weak testimony of his love for Akira. He knew it would take more time for him to free his heart of them indefinitely.

Anxiously, he looked up at Yuu. However, when he looked into those dark, brown eyes, he didn’t see any blame. He didn’t see any resentment. He just saw unconditional understanding and support.

Gingerly, Yuu lifted his hand, and wiped the last traces of tears from his cheeks. Then, he cradled Takanori’s head in his hand.

Thankfully, Takanori covered his hand with his own, and leaned into the touch.

“I will be,” he finally answered. “With you by my side, I know I will.”

 

* * *

 

With a content hum, Kouyou wrapped the stethoscope around his neck, and loosened the blood pressure cuff around Yuu’s arm. He pulled it off, put it aside, and jotted the results down on his notepad. “Your blood pressure is fine,” he informed Yuu, who nodded warily.

Kouyou couldn’t help but smirk faintly at Yuu’s cautious behavior towards him. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” he joked to ease Yuu’s tension.

Yuu laughed sheepishly, but still seemed taken aback.

Studying him intently, Kouyou frowned. Then, he pulled a chair close and sat down next to Yuu. “Alright, what is it?” he sighed.

Yuu was even too scared to look at him. “I… uhm… I know you’re not overly fond of me. And that you might not be happy about the fact that… that Takanori and I are together now.” Timidly, Yuu finally lifted his gaze. Kouyou would have joked about his demeanor, had it not been for the serious expression on Yuu’s face. “But I assure you that I care about him. A lot. I… he makes me happy. And I’ll do my best to make him happy as well.” He blushed crimson, but didn’t back down this time. Instead, he stared at Kouyou stubbornly, as though they were fighting for dominance.

He felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. He didn’t doubt the sincerity of Yuu’s words. And if he was being honest, then he kind of liked the man. He seemed to treat Takanori decently, and Kouyou couldn’t deny that his best friend had regained a lot of color in his cheeks ever since he had met Yuu. “I know,” he said simply. “I know you make him happy as well. And I’d be a fool to stand in the way of his happiness, wouldn’t I?”

Slowly, as though he wasn’t sure whether he could trust Kouyou’s words, Yuu nodded. “He means a lot to me,” he confessed with adorably reddened cheeks, as though he was admitting to his first crush.

Kouyou appreciated his honesty greatly. Plus, he had come to realize over the course of the last weeks just how much Yuu meant to Takanori as well. “You’re asking for my approval, am I correct?” he mused.

Yuu shrugged. “I guess so?” Nervously, he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I know how important you are to him. So I just wanna make sure that… that you’re okay with this. With me.”

A genuine smile spread on Kouyou’s face. When he had noticed that Takanori’s feelings for Yuu had grown more serious (even when he hadn’t seen it himself back then yet), he had stopped to think about it. And he had realized that he was okay with it. After all, Takanori deserved to be happy again. And if anything, their last hardships had convinced him that Yuu was worth it. That Yuu deserved his trust. That he trusted him to treat Takanori right.

“I am,” he assured Yuu. “I know I haven’t been very nice to you in the beginning. But you know I was just trying to look out for him.” Yuu nodded affirmatively like a student, and Kouyou felt him rise in his estimation. “But I realized that I might have been a bit overprotective of him. It wasn’t out of mal-intent.”

Yuu nodded again. “I know. I get it, I do. And I’m glad he has you watching out for him.” He slightly bowed his head. “And I know how much he cares about you. Which is why your approval means a lot to me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Kouyou replied mildly. Then, a smirk appeared on his face. “Though I’m afraid I have to give you the talk now. You know, the one where I threaten to break your bones if you break his heart and all that.”

Yuu didn’t seem the least concerned at his words. Instead, he laughed. “I expect nothing less from you,” he retorted. “Though I’m not planning on hurting him. Ever.”

“I very much advise you not to.”

The grin still on his face, Kouyou rose from his seat. He collected his notepad, and gave Yuu a once-over. His bruises would still need some time to heal, but he did look better. The blood infusions had done their job, and he looked less pale. “Your results are looking good, by the way,” he informed Yuu. “I’ll have to check in with your attending physician, but I’m sure you’ll be fit for release by tomorrow.” They had mostly kept him in the hospital for observations and to make sure he didn’t suffer from further internal bleedings. Since there had luckily been no complications, there were absolutely no issues with releasing him soon.

“Thanks.” Yuu cleared his throat. “No offense, but I can’t wait to get out of here.”

Kouyou smiled. “None taken.” He turned around and walked towards the door.

He had gotten a few steps when the door swung open, and Takanori hasted inside. The glint in his eyes was both relieved and hesitant, and Kouyou felt a slight knot form in his stomach. Whatever news had caused Takanori to throw on some clothes in a lackluster fashion and storm to the hospital had to be big. If bad or good, Kouyou wasn’t sure.

Neither was Yuu, apparently. “What happened?” he asked warily as he spotted his boyfriend in such disarray.

Takanori came to a halt next to Kouyou. “I just got a call from you attorney. She told me that Inspector Chiba contacted her. They took your father into custody.”

Kouyou watched Yuu pale. He couldn’t even imagine what he must have been going through. However, he was of the same opinion as Takanori. His father had to face justice for what he had done. “Oi, where has the confident Yuu gone I just talked to a minute ago?” he teased him, hoping to encourage Yuu, who looked as though he was going to break down any minute.

Yuu looked to Kouyou, then his gaze wandered back to Takanori. “I’m sorry, I just need a minute to process,” he mumbled, but Kouyou could basically read the doubts off his face.

“Look, I might not understand as much about legal issues as you guys do. But from where I’m standing I’d say he should consider himself lucky that he didn’t cause you to have any lasting injuries.”

Slowly, Takanori walked over to Yuu. “Kou’s right. You did the right thing.” He sat down at the edge of the bed, and took Yuu’s hand. “I’m with you, remember?”

Yuu nodded weakly. He lifted their joint hands, and pressed his lips to Takanori’s fingers lightly.

Although this gesture seemed small and insignificant, it carried all of Yuu’s feelings for Takanori. Kouyou felt the last of his apprehension get melted away. Yuu deeply cared about Takanori; there was absolutely no doubt about it.

He stepped to them, and placed his hand on Takanori’s shoulder. “If there’s anything I can do to help you guys, let me know.”

With a grateful smile, Takanori looked up to him.

Yuu didn’t smile. However, his expression seemed much more collected, and his voice more firm than it had been before.

“I guess there’s no turning back now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say this time except thank you for your support ♥


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear friend Milo was so lovely and created a [playlist](https://dogmaticdeux.tumblr.com/post/183524480281/my-dear-friend-kagefumin-was-so-sweet-and-made-a) inspired by this fic. It'd mean the world to me if you guys checked it out. Those songs truly resonate with the chapters of this fic, and I don't even know what to do except cry for all the thoughts and efforts he put into this.
> 
> This chapter is for you, Milo. ♥

Their steps produced a hollow echoing in the empty hallway. Every echo was like a drill to Yuu’s mind. They resounded in his head like ghosts, dull and empty. He didn’t know how, but they sounded depressed. If footsteps could sound depressed, that was. They sounded lost. And crestfallen. They sounded empty. Just as empty as the hallway was, with not a single soul around besides them.

Yuu couldn’t tell what would have been worse; to be faced with an empty hallway as he returned home or have him run into some of his neighbors as he finally did. To have the echoes of their steps haunt him, or have neighbors try to chat him up with nonsensical trivialities as he walked by.

The thought of either made him feel extremely uncomfortable. Anxious even. Like he couldn’t bear it. Like he didn’t belong here anymore. Like he shouldn’t have returned.

“You alright?” Takanori asked softly as he hesitated in front of his door.

Yuu looked at him, and meekly tried to return his smile. In Takanori’s eyes, he could see that he was failing. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It’s kinda… weird.” He shrugged, then cursed as a dull pain shot through his stomach and ribs. Even though the doctors had finally released him, he still bore his wounds; some of them would take a long time to heal.

Takanori took his hand, and squeezed it reassuringly. “It’s okay. Take your time. I’m here with you,” he said, before he let go of Yuu’s hand, and adjusted the duffle bag on his shoulder that contained the few of Yuu’s clothes he had kept at the hospital. Takanori had insisted on carrying it for him, even though Yuu felt like his left shoulder was very much able to take care of it.

He didn’t mind, though. Quite the opposite.

He nodded faintly, then turned his head back around to face the front door of his apartment again. He took a deep breath, and fetched the keys. It took him a few tries to open up the door with his left hand, but he stubbornly cut Takanori’s offer to help him off as soon as he saw him open his mouth from the corner of his eye.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as soon as the door swung open. “I just… I just wanted to do that on my own.” He had felt so incapable of anything the last few days, hell, even the last weeks. And he desperately needed to take back at least some control. Even if it was just something trivial as unlocking his front door.

Takanori simply smiled at him. “I understand.”

Yuu bit down on his lower lip ashamed. Takanori had been nothing but understanding and supportive the last few days, and Yuu almost felt as though he owed him. As though he wouldn’t have gotten back on his feet as quickly as he had if it hadn’t been for Takanori. “Thanks,” he murmured. Then, on instinct, he bent forward and pressed a quick kiss to Takanori’s lips.

When he retreated again, he saw Takanori’s cheeks blush. A smile finally stretched on his lips, and he brought his hand to Takanori’s face to gently caress his cheek. “I could really get used to this,” he whispered.

“To what?” Takanori inquired, leaning into Yuu’s touch.

“Just kissing you whenever I feel like it.” His own cheeks started to burn hotly, but Yuu didn’t care.

Takanori’s smile brightened, and he grabbed Yuu’s hand, turned his head and planted a kiss on his palm. “Me too.”

Feeling his stomach flutter, Yuu entwined his fingers with Takanori’s and pulled him into his apartment.

When the door shut behind them silently, Yuu flinched. He couldn’t help the feeling of being trapped all of a sudden. Feeling his heart begin to race, he turned his head to look around his apartment. It felt strange. It felt unfamiliar. It felt cold. Unwelcoming. As though he wasn’t supposed to have returned at all.

His eyes fell to a dark, brown puddle on the floor near the entrance, and his heartbeat stopped.

Tainted.

His own home felt tainted. Tainted by what had happened. Tainted by what his father had done to him.

Numbly, he kept staring at the bloodstain, unable to avert his gaze as he stared at the reminder of what had transpired within these walls only days ago. It felt like a distant dream. It felt like a nightmare. A nightmare he thought he was beginning to escape from only to be thrust back into it when he had thought he would be able to put it behind him and never have to deal with it again.

His breath shortened, and his chest constricted mercilessly. He felt as though he couldn’t breathe. He felt as though he was being suffocated by an invisible force. Meanwhile, his sides stung ruthlessly as the pressure on his ribs increased.

Yuu started when a hand seized his shoulder. He instinctively took a hasty step backwards, trying to get away from the touch. The squealed, “No!” left his lips, unbound and involuntarily. Begging not to be touched, not to be bruised. His whole body was quivering just to get away. To never be touched again. To never be hurt again.

He snapped out of it when he saw Takanori’s shocked expression. “Y-Yuu? Are you alright?” he asked for the second time within minutes; his voice was laced with deep concern.

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He felt shaky and anxious. His whole body was still tensed, still ready to flee from any sort of danger. But at least his breathing calmed down a bit as he opened his eyes and saw nothing but concern in Takanori’s face. Ever so slightly he felt that he was able to breathe again more properly. “Sorry, I’m–“ Yuu averted his eyes, which automatically wandered back to the tainted floor. As though the dark spot was a flame and he was a foolish moth, lured in by the glow.

“I’m sorry,” Takanori breathed, who had followed Yuu’s gaze. “I-I completely forgot about that. I’m sorry, I should’ve taken care of it.” His voice got shaky, and his tone was guilt-ridden.

Yuu shook his head, partly to break away from the sight, and partly to clear his own mind. He looked at Takanori, and grimaced. “No, Nori, it’s not your fault. It’s not a big deal,” he lied. “I just… I just didn’t think about it, is all. It caught me off guard.”

“Are you sure?” Takanori mumbled not very convinced.

He nodded assuring. He hated to see Takanori this way. He hated for him to blame himself. No matter how much it spoke for his character, it made Yuu feel horrible. He didn’t want Takanori to suffer. He didn’t want him to blame himself. Not when neither of them was to blame.

Which was one of the reasons why he had forgiven Akira. No matter how terrible his actions had been, he hadn’t been the one to deserve the blame. None of them did. No one but his birth giver. No matter how much he disliked Akira, not even he had deserved to suffer like that. Yuu wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he had let Akira live on like this. He wasn’t the one to grant him forgiveness for what he had done to Takanori, and even if he had been, he probably would have been just as incapable of it as Takanori had been. But even if he had acted out of jealousy, Akira could have never anticipated how his father would have reacted.

Nobody could have.

Not even he had fully anticipated the monstrosities his father was capable of. Not until he had felt them with every beat to his face, with every kick to his body.

He felt Takanori’s hand on his cheek, and blinked to find his way back to reality. He hadn’t even noticed that he had drifted off. Or that his gaze had returned to the spot again. At least this time, his body didn’t flinch at the soft touch.

“I’ll clean it up, alright?” Takanori offered.

“No, you don’t have to,” Yuu objected weakly. However, deep down he felt a wave of gratitude and relief wash over him. He wasn’t sure whether he would have been able to clean it up himself.

“But I want to,” Takanori added. “It’s the least I could do. Plus, in your condition you should rest and not exert yourself like that.”

Yuu wanted to protest again, but felt his resistance melt at Takanori’s touch. At his warm eyes staring into his. He still couldn’t believe that Takanori was finally his. But he was eternally grateful for it. He didn’t know how he would have gotten through this without him. “You make it sound like I’m some old cripple,” he pouted in an attempt to liven up the mood and gloss over his distraught state. “Or like I’m pregnant. Which, I assure you, I am not.” Yuu lifted his shirt to grant Takanori view to his stomach, totally oblivious to the bandages that were still wrapped around his torso.

Takanori’s face fell as he saw his bandaged body. He let go of Yuu’s hand, and tenderly caressed his stomach instead. “I know, okay? I’m just worried about you.” His teeth dug into his lower lip as he caressed Yuu’s stomach ever so lightly, and his cheeks blushed once more. He seized the hem of Yuu’s shirt, and pulled it back down. “I just want you to take care of yourself.” He placed his hand on Yuu’s chest, and looked up to him timidly.

A mild smile appeared on Yuu’s face at his words. His heart skipped a beat, and he leaned forward to give Takanori another tender kiss. “That’s what I have you for,” he joked. “You’re much better at taking care of me.” He grinned a Takanori, and though his words were uttered teasingly, he truly meant them.

For another second, Takanori’s face remained glum. Then, he leaned forward, and pressed his lips against Yuu’s again. Closing his eyes, Yuu engaged in the kiss. Softly, their lips moved against each other. Caringly. Lovingly.

When Takanori broke the kiss, his expression was still serious. However, the spark had returned to his eyes. “Damn straight I’m gonna take care of your dumb ass.”

Yuu giggled happily. “And here I thought you liked my ass,” he sulked playfully.

“Hmm, I might.” Takanori pressed his body against Yuu’s, who gasped excitedly as he felt a hand grope hiss ass firmly. Before he could say anything more, however, Takanori’s lips were at his again. This time, more passionately. This time, more demanding.

Their tongues collided, and Yuu felt deep desire arise in him.

Takanori’s hands cradled his face, and he eagerly pulled him closer. His fingertips started to roam Yuu’s face, as though they were trying to memorize every inch of his features.

Yuu flinched as Takanori’s fingers brushed against one of his bruises.

Unfortunately, Takanori had caught his reaction, and he broke the kiss, new concern on his face. “Oh no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you!” He let go of Yuu’s face, and pressed his fingertips to his own lips instead.

“It’s fine,” Yuu murmured. He wrapped his arm around Takanori’s waist and pulled him against his own body. However, their hands bumped against each other, and Yuu cursed as a pain shot through his broken wrist.

The worried frown on Takanori’s face grew, and he grabbed Yuu’s arm to unwind from his embrace. “I think we should postpone this until you’re better,” he sighed with disappointment written on his face.

“I’m fine, seriously,” Yuu objected less than convincing, but the stern look that Takanori gave him shut him up.

“This is non-negotiable,” Takanori said firmly. “I refuse to take advantage of an invalid.”

“Huh? Invalid?” Yuu grumbled incredulously.

Takanori grinned. He turned around and trotted towards the bathroom. “Exactly,” he hummed. “You’re a weak, battered invalid.”

Yuu groaned in mock disbelief. “Just you wait ‘till this weak, battered invalid comes for your delicious ass. We’ll see who the invalid is then.” He caught up with Takanori, and now he was the one to grope the other’s ass. He squeezed it firmly, and he watched in satisfaction as Takanori’s face contorted with pleasure.

“I can’t wait!” Takanori breathed seductively, and Yuu shuddered.

He couldn’t wait either. He couldn’t wait to get back at him for his teases. To take him hard and without mercy until he couldn’t walk straight anymore. However, Yuu knew that Takanori was right. He wouldn’t be able to do shit in his current condition. Unfortunately.

“Until then, why don’t you show me where your cleaning utensils are?”

Yuu sighed. “Alright,” he grumbled, then waved for Takanori to follow him to one of the cupboards in the bathroom. He squatted down, opened it with his left hand, and fetched the bucket that was stored away inside, which he put down on the floor next to him. Then, he reached for a rag, threw it in the bucket, and took out a bottle of cleaner. “Here you go, Mr. Clean. Knock yourself out.”

With a content grin, Takanori took the utensils from him. He halted for a moment, then he bent forward and pressed a quick kiss to Yuu’s cheek. “Thanks, Grumpy.” A smirk still on his face, he turned around, and started to fill the bucket with warm water from the sink.

Silently, Yuu watched him. Takanori seemed so invested in his new task, he started to hum absent-mindedly as he poured some of the cleaner into the warm water. He placed the cleaner on the edge of the sink, and trotted out of the bathroom with the bucket in hand. For a moment, Yuu expected him to swing the bucket around happily.

He knew that Takanori was just happy that he had finally been discharged. He had told him so repeatedly on their way here. And while he was relieved as well, something inside of him kept him from relaxing. It was as though he was chained to a big rock that prevented him from moving freely, from jumping around carelessly. Even from breathing properly.

Feeling a lump form in his throat, Yuu turned around to the sink. For a second, his gaze lingered on the cleaner, and he thought about how he should store it away again. Then, his eyes wandered to the mirror, and the cleaner was forgotten immediately. The lump grew in size, and Yuu felt as though he was going to choke on it. The swellings had gone back, but his face still looked awful. Battered and bruised all over.

Tainted.

Just as tainted as the floor.

Heart racing, Yuu stepped closer. Shaky fingers traced one of the big purple bruises, and softly caressed the stitched cut on his cheekbone. His lip was still split. His left eye was bloodshot. The purple had begun to fade and get replaced by some ugly green and yellow tones. He looked like shit. He looked broken.

Abused.

He inhaled heavily as his chest clenched and breathing became harder and harder for him. Flashes of what had happened appeared before his eyes. His father’s fist speeding towards his face over and over again. The sharp sting of his fist colliding with his face repeatedly. The hot burning as he had tugged at his long hair steadily, preventing Yuu from escaping him. The sight of his foot taking aim at his stomach. The excruciating pain as he had kicked him again and again.

Once. Twice. Thrice. Yuu had lost count after the ninth or tenth kick. He had lost all ability to think clearly in the first place.

He felt his mind slip away as he stared at his battered reflection in the mirror. He watched the tears escape his eyes and stream down his cheeks but he didn’t feel any of it. It felt as though he wasn’t in control of his own body. As though he was just an onlooker; someone who had merely watched as those atrocities had been committed. As he had been abused by his own father. Someone who hadn’t endured all this pain, all this humiliation, but had merely watched as it had been done to someone else.

His breath started to grow erratic, and he began to pant loudly meanwhile he tried desperately to fight against the sobs climbing up his throat. He hadn’t cried at the hospital. Not once. He hadn’t been able to. It had felt as though he had been wrapped in a bubble of numbness. A numbness that had tried to protect his mind as best as it could. A numbness that had kept these overwhelming emotions of utter despair at bay that now seeped through his body. Being in the hospital had felt surreal. Everything had felt odd. Distant. But now that he was back at the scene of the crime, he was brutally yanked back into reality. Being back here thrust him into the cruel reality of what had happened. He felt as though he was diving head-first into a deep, cold sea of malevolent truth; the vicious truth about what had been done to him. The reality of what had happened seized him, and pulled him down into the dark.

Drowned him.

Paralyzed, he stared at his own reflection. Numbly, he stared at this empty shell of a man. Stared at the tearstained face. At the bruised face. At the battered wrist. At the slight irregularities in the pattern of his shirt in the area of his stomach and ribs that told of the bandages wrapped around his torso. At the long, unkempt hair that fell over his shoulders.

He felt disgusted. He felt abhorred by the person staring back at him. By that weak, pathetic man who had let himself get beaten and humiliated like that. By that sickening, walking disappointment that had never been good enough for his father. That his father had always been incapable of loving. He hated the sight of himself. He hated the weak, crying man staring back at him.

His pain overwhelmed him, and he lost the fight against his sobs. He didn’t even know how he had gotten ahold of the scissors. He hadn’t even noticed himself open the drawer beneath the sink to fetch them. He felt as though he was nothing but an onlooker at the sidelines as he slowly lifted his hands, pair of scissors shakily held by his left hand. Sobbing, he grabbed a few of his strands with his right hand. He whimpered in pain as his broken wrist protested, but tightened the grip nevertheless. With the next sob, he cut off a chunk of his long hair. Then, he grabbed the next strand. And cut it off as well.

He had cut off half of his hair when the pain in his right hand became too unbearable. He slipped off as his right hand lost grip on his hair, and the scissors pierced the air instead. The tremors in his hand got so bad that he eventually dropped them into the sink.

The clashing sound of the scissors hitting the porcelain got mixed with a yell.

_“Yuu?!”_

Through blurry eyes, he saw Takanori’s reflection approach him in the mirror. He must have gotten attracted by his sobs. “Oh God, what happened? Yuu, are you alright?”

He felt hands seize his shoulders, and turn him around. Crying, he stared at Takanori’s beautiful face that was contorted by sorrow. “I-I can’t,” he whispered in a broken voice. “T-This place… I j-just can’t–“ Another sob broke over his lips. “H-How could he do this t-to me? H-How could he h-hate me this much?” He still didn’t understand. The hatred was still incomprehensible. The agony was still unbearable. Just like the knowledge of what he had done to Yuu.

It was too much for him to handle.

He felt thumbs softly caress his cheeks and fight against the tears, but the movement stopped when Takanori realized that he was losing the fight. So instead, he wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him close. “I’m so sorry, love. God, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Yuu felt all strength leave his body. His knees gave way, and he dropped down. Takanori broke his fall, and lowered them onto the floor gently. Exhausted from all his continuous crying, Yuu buried his face in the crook of Takanori’s neck. He felt Takanori’s hands roam his back, painting soothing circles on it as he rocked him like a child in order to calm him down.

“Shhh, it’s alright. I’m here. I’m here.”

Closing his eyes, Yuu clung to him. Takanori was his rock. His arms were like the bandages around his stomach; they kept him from falling apart. They kept him from drowning, kept him just above the water surface. They held him together while Takanori’s soothing touches slowly sowed him back together.

They remained in their embrace for a while. Long after Yuu’s sobs had died down, long after his tears had run dry, he still held onto Takanori’s smaller frame for dear life. He needed it. He needed him.

“I can’t stay here,” he whispered exhaustedly. “I… I just can’t.” The memories were still too fresh, much like his wounds. He couldn’t bear to be back here. He couldn’t bear to stand another minute here. This wasn’t home anymore. This wasn’t a secure place anymore. It had been violated by his father.

It had been tainted.

Takanori stroked his hair gently. “I understand. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even consider this.” Again, his voice was guilt-ridden.

Yuu lifted his head to look at him. His expression was distorted, and the guilt was all too plainly visible on Takanori’s face. “It’s not your fault,” he tried to reassure him with a feeble voice. He hadn’t expected to break down like this upon his arrival here. He had thought that he would be fine. That he was strong enough to deal with this. Alas, he wasn’t. “I didn’t know myself.”

He wanted to avert his gaze, but Takanori cradled his face and kept him from turning his head away. “How about we get your stuff, and you stay at my place for the time being?” he offered softly.

Yuu nodded weakly.

 

 

“How’s it look?”

With a nervous fluttering, Takanori stepped back and put down the scissors. He scrutinized his doing critically, and held his breath as Yuu stood from the chair and approached the mirror in his bathroom.

He tilted his head around, and studied his dark hair that now barely reached his shoulders. He ran his hand through his hair, and ruffed it a bit. Then, he turned around to Takanori. “I love it.”

A relieved smile appeared on Takanori’s face as he saw the glow finally return to Yuu’s eyes. “You serious?” he asked nevertheless. Sure, he wasn’t clumsy when it came to things like tailoring or cutting hair, but he had still felt anxious about it. He hadn’t cut anyone else’s hair since he had done so to Kouyou in high school.

“Hmm.” Yuu stepped close, and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Thank you. You’re my lifesaver.”

Takanori giggled, as a wave of happiness washed over him. It felt so incredibly good to be close to Yuu. To feel his affections. To openly indulge in this warm feeling. He had missed it so much. He had missed being close to a person; not only physically but emotionally as well. “Anytime,” he hummed contently, and put the scissors down on the sink so he could wrap his arms around Yuu’s waist.

Biting down on his lower lip, he lifted one of his hands a few seconds later, and ran his fingers through Yuu’s hair as well. He had thought he would feel pity at the loss of the long hair at first, but Yuu looked just as stunning with shorter hair. “You look so sexy,” he mumbled, then tiptoed and united their lips in a kiss.

“Not with those bruises I don’t,” Yuu retorted as they broke free, and his expression grew glum.

“I’d still choose you over anyone else,” Takanori confessed, his cheeks blushing deeply. It was only the truth. Yuu was still utterly beautiful; his bruises didn’t change that. Certainly, looking at Yuu still pained him greatly. But at the same time, it reminded him of what Yuu had endured. Of what he had survived.

Yuu’s expression was still serious; however, his gaze was that of utter and unconditional love. It made Takanori shudder pleasantly. “How did I manage to find someone like you?” Yuu breathed against his lips, before he caressed them with his own ever so slightly.

His heart skipped a beat, and Takanori nuzzled his nose against Yuu’s. “I keep asking myself the same thing every day.” He had hoped for a fulfilled, passionate night when he had approached Yuu in that night club all those weeks ago. But somehow, he had found so much more.

Their lips brushed against each other faintly. Before they could get more serious, however, a distinct growling disrupted them.

Takanori grinned widely as he spotted Yuu’s red cheeks. He traced his cheek gingerly with his fingertips, and gave him another peck on the lips. “Why don’t you order us some food?” he suggested, then motioned at the scattered strands of hair lying on the bathroom floor. “I’ll get this cleaned up in the meantime.”

 

 

“I don’t think he killed her.”

Yuu yawned, and Takanori felt his stomach flutter as he scooted closer to him. Tiredly, he tugged at the blanket that was spread over Takanori’s legs.

With a smile, Takanori lifted the blanket, and Yuu slid underneath it as well, thereby snuggling up close to him. His heartbeat fastened as Yuu rested his head on his shoulder, and wrapped his arm around his waist.

“I don’t think so either,” Takanori commented on the movie they were watching. He sighed contently as their legs entwined beneath the woolen blanket. He lifted his arm and started to run his fingers through Yuu’s now short strands. “It’s too obvious.”

Yuu nodded against his shoulder, then yawned again.

Takanori’s smile brightened. Akira had never been one to cuddle much. And Takanori had thought himself to be not much of a cuddler, either. However, being snuggled up to Yuu like this felt heavenly. He loved every moment of it. He loved being close to him. He loved touching him. He loved holding him and being held in return. It made him feel incredibly happy.

What made him just as happy was Yuu indulging in his movie wishes. Though this wasn’t a horror movie and Yuu was more than happy to watch Gone Girl with him, it still meant a lot to Takanori that he had agreed to the movie. He had been meaning to watch it for a long time now, and watching it together with Yuu while being entangled with him on his couch was the best feeling in the whole fucking world. He never wanted it to stop. He wanted this so badly.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life like this; being curled up on the couch with the man that made his heart beat so stupidly fast. With the man that indulged his every wishes, and who grew more patient every time.

It was almost weird.

While he still felt like he was caught in a most beautiful dream, at the same time he felt a certainty he had never felt before. It had taken him almost a full year to finally grasp the reality of a life with Akira. Of a future together. But with Yuu, it was different. He couldn’t even describe it.

It just felt true. It felt real. It felt right.

It felt like the most beautiful thing in the world. After Akira, he had thought that he would never be able to love again. That he would never be able to find someone like him again. That he would never find someone to fill that gaping hole in his chest.

And then Yuu had come along and had swept him off his feet.

And even though he hadn’t been in love with Yuu for as long as he had loved Akira, he somehow felt as though his feelings for Yuu far exceeded anything he had ever experienced. Being with him felt so incredibly right. It felt as though nothing could go wrong. Not anymore. Not after everything they had been through. Not after they had fought so hard to get right here, into each other’s arms.

“What are you thinking about?” Yuu yanked him out of his thoughts with his soft question.

Takanori rested his forehead against Yuu’s. “About us. About how good this feels.” He felt Yuu seize his hand and entwine their fingers beneath the blanket. Another fluttering shot through his stomach, and his heart began to beat rapidly. “About how I never thought I’d have something like this. Something that just feels so… right.”

Yuu answered him by kissing him lovingly.

His eyes fell shut, and he returned the kiss. He felt Yuu push himself up, and bend over him as he deepened the kiss. With a content sigh, Takanori leant back, feeling absolutely secure between the backrest of the couch and Yuu, who kissed him with a passion that caused a swarm of butterflies to set off inside of his stomach.

His hand wandered to Yuu’s face, and he pulled him close as he opened his lips to Yuu’s tongue. As he opened his mind to Yuu’s presence. As he opened his heart to Yuu’s love. He felt their souls connect through their kiss, and a chill ran down his spine.

He had always believed in love. If anything, his feelings for Akira had been a testimony of this. However, he had never believed in soulmates.

But if they did exist after all, then he was fairly certain he had finally found his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say except, NO GUYS. Akira did not cockblock them, lol. More to this later though. I know you got a lot of reasons to hate him but please don't hate him for that >:) (Yes I'm saying they would've stopped sooner or later, as you can see in this chapter lol)


	39. Chapter 39

Nervously, Yuu rotated the cup of coffee on the table top with his left hand as he watched Hitomu Abe spread out a bunch of files on the dining table before them. For some reason, it was extremely difficult for him to look at the files, so he tried to focus on her face instead. The attorney had strong features that were both fierce but beautiful at the same time. Her dark eyes behind stylish glasses were calm and determined, her hair was put into a firm knot. However, even though her demeanor seemed intimidating, something about her also exuded trust and confidence. He liked her. He trusted her.

That didn’t make him less anxious, however.

A set of fingers gripped his thigh and squeezed it reassuringly, and Yuu turned his head to look at Takanori, who remained silent, but gave him an encouraging smile. Feeling his anxiety subside ever so slowly, he let go of his mug, and put his hand beneath the table to seize Takanori’s. He tried to return the smile, but he felt it waver.

“I know you’re nervous,” Hitomu commented on his distraught state that was all too obvious.

His eyes returned to her, but Yuu felt incapable of replying to her. Instead, he shrugged helplessly.

“I know things would be a lot easier if your father simply pleaded guilty, but we all know that’s not gonna happen. Not even with his confession,” she explained with a calm voice. “And I know the trial is gonna put you through a lot, but I know we can win this. He’s not gonna walk free. Not with the amount of evidence stacked against him.”

Yuu closed his eyes, squeezed Takanori’s hand to make sure that he was still there, and took a deep breath. “Alright, get us up to speed,” he whispered. He had talked to the police a few times, and Inspector Chiba – a balding middle-aged man with a slight beer belly – had kept them in the loop about their every step. Still, Yuu felt like a cooking pot that was getting filled with more and more information until he couldn’t contain it anymore. Things had started to boil over, and he had difficulties processing everything while at the same time he was still recovering from his physical injuries.

He probably would have gone insane if it hadn’t been for Takanori. Which was why he had practically begged him to be by his side when he talked things through with his attorney.

Hitomu nodded, then shortly scanned her notes before putting them down again. “Well, first off, there’s obviously your own statement which you already gave to the police.” She picked out one of the files, and shoved it over to their side of the table. Takanori seized it, and scammed through it.

Yuu didn’t.

He still remembered the ordeal of talking to the police. Even though Inspector Chiba had been more than patient and understanding, he had still felt awful. Not like he was on trial, but it had been hell to bare himself like this to a stranger. He had felt vulnerable and naked. He also still remembered every word that he had told the police.

He felt Takanori tense beside him as he read through Yuu’s statement, and he started to paint soothing circles on the back of his hand. “ _That fucking bastard!_ ” Takanori hissed through gritted teeth at the contents of his statement. He closed the report, and handed it back to Hitomu. “What else do we have?” he said, trying to get a grip on his anger.

Yuu felt incredibly bad that Takanori had to read through the detailed description of what his father had done to him, but at the same time he wanted him to know every ugly detail. No matter how much he wished he had had the strength to tell him himself, he hadn’t been able to. He hadn’t been able to bear the thought after he had witnessed how much Takanori had blamed himself for what had happened. He hadn’t been able to tell him a single thing. Although he knew how important full disclosure was, especially in their current situation.

Hitomu picked out the next file. “We also got the minutes of his confession. Of course he’ll try to invalidate it by saying things like how the three of you conspired against him, especially now that his wife has filed for divorce.”

This time, Yuu skimmed through the report himself. His chest clenched as he read the hostile words of his father, and even though it was no news to him, it still hurt like hell; to read his father openly admit that he wanted him dead.

That he wished he had killed him.

“But it’s three against one, right?” he retorted with a shaky voice. “And in combination with the rest, he shouldn’t stand a chance, right?” The last days, he had done nothing but contemplate all the legal steps, all the possible issues and things that could destroy the prosecution of his father. He had barely gotten any sleep, and all his own legal knowledge seemed to fail him; he didn’t trust his own skills anymore.

“Of course,” Takanori assured him softly, and this time it was him who painted soothing circles on the back of Yuu’s hand.

“He’s right,” Hitomu joined in. “Your father doesn’t have an alibi for the time of your assault. Plus, the porter to your apartment complex also agreed to step forward. He remembers seeing your father enter the building that night, and leaving it only a few minutes before Takanori-san arrived. Your mother also gave testimony to the previous time your father physically assaulted you in their home. We don’t have any minutes of that incident, but I think they won’t be necessary since it’s his word against yours and that of your mother.”

Yuu took a deep breath. The anxiety still refused to subside, but at least he felt its grip slowly loosen. He watched her scam through her papers, and pull out another one. “Your attending physician will be asked to testify as well. As will the responding paramedics, if the need should arise. They might not be able to testify on behalf of who did this to you, but they can help ascertain the severity of your sustained injuries. And since there’s no other suspect than your father, I’d stay things are looking pretty well.”

“What if…” Takanori started, but hesitated for a moment. “What if he finds someone else to put the blame on?”

With a frown, Yuu looked at Takanori. They had never talked about another potential suspect. However, when he read the apprehension on Takanori’s face, things fell into place. “You mean Akira?” he whispered appalled.

Takanori shrugged. For a brief moment, he looked at Yuu, but he cast his glance down quickly, as though he couldn’t bear to look at him. “It’s possible, isn’t it? He came into your firm drunk off his ass, God knows what he said. And there’s bound to be witnesses to it. What if he tries to put the blame on Akira?”

Yuu shook his head. “No,” he mumbled. He knew that there was a high probability of his father pulling this move, but there was no way he would let anyone else take the blame for what his father had done. He would rather die. “I won’t let him.”

“I’ve looked into that as well,” Hitomu joined in. “Since you named Akira Suzuki as a possible witness. Besides the fact that he couldn’t have known Yuu-san’s address in the first place, the porter swears he has never seen him before. We need to be prepared for this probability, but there’s no way any such claims would stand in court. Even if there’s witnesses to what happened in the firm, we’ll handle them. I’ll take care of it, I promise.” Her voice was adamant, and so was the look she gave Yuu.

He nodded slowly. “Alright.” Then, he bowed his head to her. “Is there anything else you need? Anything else we need to talk about?” He was slowly starting to grasp and hold onto the reassurance that things would work out. That there was no way his father would walk from this.

Hitomu collected her papers and arranged them in a neat stack. “Actually, there is one thing. I know you’ve filed for aggravated battery, and if everything goes well, your father’s going to be locked up for five to ten years. But you shouldn’t lose focus on the time after that.”

Yuu frowned. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that he hadn’t even thought that far ahead. There was only one thing that came to his mind – if he didn’t plan on emigrating anytime in the next few years. “You mean a restraining order?”

“Exactly,” Hitomu’s voice was dead serious, as was her expression. “You should file for a restraining order as well. He has assaulted you three times, there’s no knowing whether he’ll try again. It’s not much, and I know it’s not a guarantee, but it’s the least you could do in order to try and protect yourself from further harm.”

With shaky fingers, Yuu seized his cup of coffee to take a sip while he mulled things over. He agreed with her, a restraining order was a logical step. It was just so utterly hard for him to grasp the reality of it all; of him needing to file for a restraining order against his own father in the first place.

His hands still trembled when he put the cup back down, and without hesitance, Takanori seized his hand as he noticed Yuu’s distress. “I think she’s right. I can’t bear the thought of that bastard ever getting near you again.”

Yuu looked at him, and unconditional love flooded him at the serious glint in Takanori’s eyes. At the way he held his hand to ground him. At the way he cared about him. He felt his tremors subside, and returned his gaze to Hitomu. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

 

 

Yuu put the coffee cups into the sink. He turned the faucet on, and sighed as he just watched the sink fill with water.

“You alright?”

He started as a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. For a second, he felt the instinct to scream and back away, though there was nowhere he could flee to with the kitchen counter in front and the person behind him. His knees began to shake meanwhile his blood ran cold as panic clawed at his heart. He still couldn’t deal with unexpected touches, still froze when someone suddenly touched him. Over the last days, that fearful reaction still hadn’t subsided.

Takanori realized as much as he pressed out a muffled gasp. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you!”

Yuu shook his head. He felt Takanori trying to withdraw from the embrace, and covered his arms with his hand to keep him in place. His scent and touch helped calm his nerves, as did the sound of his quiet apologetic words. “It’s alright,” he murmured, leaning into the touch to further calm his own mind and body. He closed his eyes as he felt Takanori press a soft, apologetic kiss to his shoulder. “And I don’t know,” he answered his question truthfully.

After a few more formalities, Hitomu had left after she had told them that the trial would begin in a month from now. Takanori had seen her to the door while Yuu had tasked himself with clearing their empty mugs off the table.

He began to rinse the cups absent-mindedly with only his left hand, while he just enjoyed the feeling of Takanori’s arms wrapped around him. It felt as though he was holding Yuu together, as though he was keeping him from falling apart.

“You do know I have a dish-washer, right?” Takanori commented teasingly, but pressed another kiss to Yuu’s shoulder. Then, he loosened his right hand from Yuu’s waist, and held the cup in place for Yuu to clean it more properly.

Yuu put the cleansed cup down on the draining board once they were done with it. “Yeah, I know. I just needed something to occupy myself with, or else I’m probably gonna go crazy.”

He frowned as Takanori took the sponge from him, turned off the faucet and threw the sponge into the sink. Then, he stepped to Yuu’s side, and turned his face towards him with his fingers. His thumb caressed his cheek before it softly traced the dark circle underneath Yuu’s eye. “You look awful. You should rest some,” he said hesitantly. “When have you gotten more than three hours of sleep in the last few days?” Worry spread on his face as he continued to caress Yuu’s face.

Almost shamefully, Yuu averted his gaze. “I haven’t,” he admitted. Not even the prescribed painkillers seemed to knock him out properly, and he refused to take any sleeping pills. So instead, he lay awake most of the nights while Takanori slept soundly besides him, or in his arms. It felt nice to just hold him, and Yuu didn’t mind. However, not all nights were peaceful like that. Other times, he woke up to his worried face after he had started from another haunting nightmare, drenched in sweat and trembling like a leaf. Takanori had told him that he even screamed from time to time.

He knew that the lack of sleep and the nightmares were wearing him out, but at times, he was just too scared to fall asleep. He was too scared of his subconscious. Of his memories. “I wish I could just turn it off, y’know? Just make everything go away. Just get my brain to shut up, but I can’t.” He hit his forehead with the palm of his hand as though he could recalibrate his brain like that.  “My thoughts just keep spinning, no matter what I do. Even in my sleep, they just… the memories keep coming and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

Takanori’s face contorted painfully. While they had talked about his lousy sleeping patterns and his nightmares before, Yuu had never actually gone this far in his explanations. “Is there anything I can do for you?” Takanori whispered, a hint of guilt splattered onto his beautiful face. Gingerly, he traced Yuu’s lower lip with his thumb. It wasn’t a show of lust, it was one of pure affection.

“I don’t know,” Yuu murmured. He didn’t mean to put Takanori through this. He didn’t mean to make him worry this much. “Just keep being you. Just keep being there for me. Like you were just now with Hitomu-san. That’s more than enough.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Takanori’s. “I don’t know whether I can do this,” he confessed wearily. “I just want it all to be over, and the fucking trial hasn’t even started yet.” He lifted his hand to seize Takanori’s which still cradled his face, and hold onto it for dear life.

“I know, love. I wish you didn’t have to go through this. Hell, I wish I could take it on myself so you wouldn’t have to deal with this. But I can’t. All I can do is be there with you every step of the way.” Softly, he painted small circles on Yuu’s cheek with his thumb. “And I will. You don’t have to go through this alone. Through any of it.”

Deeply touched by his words, Yuu retreated his head an inch, only to bend forward again and press his lips to Takanori’s gently. His heart skipped a beat, just like it always did when they kissed. And for a moment, it felt as though all his worries got wiped away. He knew Takanori’s words to be true. He trusted in them. He wouldn’t have to go through this on his own; Takanori would be there with him. Through the next month, through the trial; through it all. Just like he was during the nights to comfort him when he woke from another one of his nightmares.

Yuu reopened his eyes when the kiss ended. He was met with Takanori’s blushed cheeks, and a faint smile found its way to his face. He squeezed Takanori’s hand firmly. “I swear, one day I’m gonna marry you,” he breathed. And no matter that the words were uttered in the spur of the moment, he knew that he meant them.

Takanori’s blush deepened. “I’ll take your word for it, Mr. Lawyer.”  
  
  


“Yuu, talk to me.”

Warm fingers entwined with his, and the touch yanked him out of his stupor. “Huh?” He blinked, and looked at Takanori questioningly.

Takanori grimaced. “You still haven’t told me why we’re here,” he whispered, then turned his gaze away to look around the elevator cabin.

Yuu followed his gaze until his own eyes got stuck on the floor display. They were almost there. “I don’t know. There’s just been something that’s bugging me for a while now.” With his father in custody (a judge had luckily refused his bail), those things that had been nagging at him had become more intense every day. Or every night, to be more precise.

“And what’s that?” Takanori asked skeptically.

Yuu could tell by the way he frowned that he didn’t like the idea of them returning to his father’s law firm in the slightest; even with his father gone. “I just gotta know what’s gonna happen now,” he mumbled. “You know, if my father really gets locked away.”

“You mean _when_ he gets locked away,” Takanori corrected him dryly. He sighed in defeat. “I get that. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though, does it?”

Managing a genuine smile, Yuu squeezed his hand reassuringly. “No, you don’t.”

The elevator bell rang, and on cue, they let go of their hands. Yuu didn’t really care much anymore if people found out that he was gay; but it was simply no one’s business. Plus, showing affection was still very much frowned upon in Japan in the public, no matter the sexes.

They stepped out of the elevator, and determined, Yuu started to lead Takanori down the hallway around a few corners until they had reached an office door seemingly like any other. However, the person behind the door was the one that was different. Special, so to say.

Yuu knocked once, but didn’t bother with awaiting a response. Instead, he pushed the door open, and entered the office with deadly determination. A determination that appeared much more confident than he felt on the inside.

On the inside, his anxiety was about to devour him.

Surprised, the firm’s attorney, Noburu Okimoto, looked up from his computer screen. “Yuu-san?” he greeted him warily, clearly not having expected Yuu to return to the firm anytime soon. Or at all. He cringed when he saw the state he was in. Luckily (for himself), he kept his mouth shut, however.

“We gotta talk,” Yuu said plainly, and crossed the room, thereby ignoring the stinging pain that started to pierce his stomach to the best of his abilities. Takanori trotted in behind him.

For a moment, Yuu considered the more than alluring opportunity to take a seat opposite Okimoto, but he decided against it. He looked already beaten enough, there was no point in making himself look even weaker. Least of all in a moment when he needed to exude strength and confidence.

Okimoto adjusted his ugly gray tie embarrassedly. “Uh, sure,” he mumbled. “What about?”

“I want to know what’s going to happen to the firm,” Yuu cut straight to the chase. “In case my birth giver gets convicted, I mean.” He was more than aware of the fact that word had gotten around in the firm. He had seen all the clandestine looks when they had walked down the hallway. Had caught all the hushed whispering, no matter how quiet their employees had tried to keep it.

“I, uh…” This time, Okimoto loosened the knot of his tie. Fine pearls of sweat started to form on his forehead; he looked as though he feared to lose his head if he gave Yuu the wrong answer. He had always been far up his father’s ass, but Yuu normally wasn’t one to hold grudges (unless the person was his father) as long as people did their job. “Well, President Shiroyama did want to talk to me about some, uh… some changes. But that was before, uh… before the police took him in.”

Yuu narrowed his eyes at Okimoto’s stammering. “What kind of changes?” he asked, heart hammering against the inside of his chest.

Okimoto took out a handkerchief, and wiped his sweaty forehead. “I, uh… He said something about, uh… you know…”

“ _No, I don’t know!_ ” Yuu snapped at him. Then, he gripped his side as a sharp pain shot through his ribs.

“Yuu.” Takanori’s voice was quiet, but firm. A soft scolding at Yuu’s hostile tone. A friendly request to get a grip on his temper before it boiled over. A gentle plea to calm down to not exert himself even more.

Yuu closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply to soothe his temper as well as his pain. “What did he say?” he added, more calmly this time.

“He said that he wanted you out. Uh, like… he wanted you out of the loop as the next President. You know… if he was ever unable to continue on as chairman. He said he didn’t wanna leave his firm to a… to a… uh-“

Gritting his teeth angrily, Yuu clenched his fist. “A what?”

“A-A despicable faggot. Uh… His words, not m-mine.” Okimoto wiped his forehead again.

A voiceless laugh escaped his lips. “Of course.” He should have expected something like this. Hell, he had seen it coming. He had anticipated his father to try and take steps to get him kicked out of the firm’s line of succession. “So, who’s in charge of the firm now that my birth giver is in police custody awaiting trial?” He chose his words as hostile as possible, and he felt great satisfaction at the way Okimoto flinched at his words.

Okimoto looked to Takanori with an uncertain expression, but apparently he also knew of their relationship – certainly also courtesy of Yuu’s father. “Well… He called me to have things arranged to, uh… strike you out of the line of succession, but… he was arrested before we could take care of the legal steps. And he’s prohibited from taking any legal steps anymore now that he’s in police custody.” Okimoto gulped audibly. “So, technically… by legal right, the current President of the firm… is you.”

Yuu’s eyes widened in shock. He had expected his father to move fast, and he hadn’t thought the police to move even faster. He would have laughed at the irony. One of his father’s very own safety measures had been to prevent any of their employees to be able to take any legal actions if they got compromised in any way. And to think that that safety measure had now fallen down on him like a ton of bricks was more than ironic.

It was poetic justice.

“You mean to say I have full control of the firm, and there’s nothing my father can do against it, especially if he gets convicted?” Yuu pressed on.

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Yuu felt a wave of satisfaction wash over him. His father had lost the firm the moment he had been arrested. Better yet; the moment he had punched Yuu for the first time that night. He was going to pay for the things he had done in more than one way. And Yuu felt absolutely no mercy. Not a single pang of regret. He would take everything from his father, just like he had tried to take everything from him. His self-worth. His self-respect. His dignity. He would get it back.

He would get all of it back.

And he would leave his father with nothing in return.

“Alright, thanks,” he uttered dryly, then turned around to walk through the door.

Silently, Takanori followed him outside. “What now?” he asked once they were in the hallway.

Yuu looked at him. Takanori had remained silent for most of his little inquiry, and his expression was somber. He still didn’t seem to like the fact that they had come back here. Back to where everything was a testimony, a reminder of Yuu’s father. And to some extent, to what he had done.

Biting his lower lip, Yuu considered to just keep walking and get Takanori up to speed on the idea forming inside of his head. However, when he saw the sad glint in Takanori’s eyes, he halted in his tracks. He didn’t give a damn about his co-workers as he stepped to him, and cradled his face with his hand. “I’m sorry. I know you’re not a fan of me being back here again. I just… This is something I gotta do.” He didn’t even really know what he was saying himself. He didn’t really know what he expected from Takanori, either. Other than his understanding and support.

Takanori leaned into the touch. “I know,” he sighed. “I just don’t want you to put yourself through even more crap because of your father. And I don’t want you to get consumed by things like revenge. That’s all.”

Yuu felt a fluttering in his stomach that helped ease the stinging pain. “I know,” he whispered. He tucked a strand of blonde hair behind Takanori’s ear. God, he could keep staring at that beautiful face for the rest of his life and not get tired of it. “And I won’t, I promise. Once I’ve done this, I’m gonna be done with him. Forever.” He had no intention of spending just a single second of his time on his father anymore; he had dedicated far too much of his life to him when he had been so undeserving of it. After he had dealt with the firm, the only thing that would still keep him connected to his father was the upcoming trial. After that, he was going to sever all ties with him once and for all.

“Plus, it’s kinda not up to me, but your dad,” he added hesitantly.

The frown on Takanori’s face had been imminent the moment he had even as much as thought about the prospect. So when he raised his eyebrows in question, Yuu sighed. “My dad? What’s my dad got to do with this?”

Yuu let go of Takanori’s face and seized his hand instead. “Can you just drive me to your firm? I’ll explain everything there.”

 

 

Thoughtfully, Takanori kept throwing side-glances at Yuu.

Admittedly, he didn’t really like the way he behaved. It seemed strange to him. And while he was glad to see Yuu determined again, he feared that it was for the wrong reasons. He wanted Yuu out of this, not see him slide down the rabbit hole more and more. Though he knew that he was going to support him in whatever his pretty head had contrived.

So here they were, walking down the hallway to his father’s office.

“You sure about this?” he asked for the billionth time. “This isn’t something you make up overnight, you know?”

Yuu looked at him wearily. “I know, Nori. Believe me, I haven’t. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. I mean, I didn’t think I’d be able to go through with it because I pretty much expected my birth giver to have kicked me out of the line of succession already. But now that I’ve got the opportunity… I think it’s for the best. I’m not fit to lead a firm by myself. Even if I was, I don’t want that kind of responsibility. Maybe I’m a coward, but this firm has never meant much to me.” Yuu shrugged almost nonchalantly. “So, do you think there’s a better option?”

Takanori shook his head. “No, I think it’s a good idea. If my dad agrees, that is. I just wanted to make certain that you know what you’re doing, is all.” The amount of sleepless nights and his sleep-deprivation hadn’t gone by Takanori unnoticed, especially with his recurring nightmares, and he greatly worried about him. He didn’t inherently doubt Yuu, he just didn’t trust his judgement one-hundred percent in the fragile state he was still in. No matter how much he tried to fool people into believing the opposite.

However, Takanori had noticed those little moments. Those moments in which Yuu had thought himself to be unobserved, and had pressed his hand to his stomach while his face contorted in pain. And of course also the moments in which he jumped at a mere touch of him, fearful of getting hurt again. It pained him, and he wanted nothing more than to relieve him of his pain.

Reassuring, Yuu squeezed his hand. “I’ve thought this through, trust me.” His voice was determined, but his eyes were pleading; silently begging Takanori for his approval. For his support.

And he knew that he would always give it to Yuu.

“Of course. I’ve got your back, remember?” he retorted softly. Then, he gently knocked at the door to his father’s office which they had finally arrived at.

After a friendly, “Come in” he opened the door, and they stepped inside.

“Hi, dad,” he greeted his father, who was buried up to his knees in some case files.

His father looked up in what first was surprise, but quickly turned into delight. “Taka! Yuu! It’s good to see you both! Yuu, how are you doing?” He jumped to his feet and stretched his arms out as though he was about to give Yuu a welcoming hug.

Takanori felt his stomach flutter at the amicable gesture of his father. It meant the world to him that his parents not only approved of Yuu, but were more than supportive of him.

“I’m fine,” Yuu answered after he had bowed politely. “Mostly thanks to your son,” he added more slyly, and Takanori felt himself blush at the words.

His father laughed in amusement. “You do know how to score points, don’t you?” he joked. Then, his expression grew serious. “But I have a feeling you’re not here to talk pleasantries. Am I right?”

Takanori felt Yuu’s hand go stiff as his whole body tensed.

“We’re not, actually,” Yuu confirmed his father’s suspicion. “I know you’ve done so much for me already. And I feel bad about doing this.” Yuu fell silent for a moment in which he looked at Takanori for reassurance. Takanori nodded, and squeezed his hand tightly.

“But I was hoping you could do me another favor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chaps to go ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
> 
> Also sorry for the little delay in updates haha idk my weekend was a bit slow.


	40. Chapter 40

“What happened after you and security entered the office of the defendant, Miss Sakaguchi?” Hitomu Abe looked at the secretary sternly, who had previously stammered nothing but gibberish at the witness stand. It was obvious that she had tried to speak in the favor of Yuu’s father, but Hitomu gave her no room to breathe.

Yuu pressed his lips together as he watched the young woman tense up. His father’s eyes also lay on the secretary, a furious glint in them. She was looking down on her hands, not meeting anyone’s gaze as she was being interrogated. “The security guards seized the intruder,” she mumbled. For a moment, she raised her head to let her eyes wander over the auditorium. Her gaze rested on Akira, then fell back to her hands.

“Did they escort Mr. Suzuki out of the room?”

The secretary nodded faintly.

“And what did the defendant do?”

Yuu gripped his thighs, and stared at the secretary intensely. When he felt a gaze on him, he tilted his head. He was met with Takanori’s eyes, and an encouraging smile on his lips. Part of Yuu’s tension melted away as he looked into his face, but he still felt stiff like a statue.

“P-President Shiroyama left the office as well,” the secretary replied shyly.

Abe crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked at the witness. “And was that before or after Mr. Suzuki was escorted out of the room?”

“B-Before,” the secretary whispered barely audible. “H-He left before that.”

She didn’t dare look at his father as she uttered those words, and Yuu could read the fear off her face. However, she seemed more afraid of lying under oath than the prospect of suffering his father’s wrath. Not that he would get the chance to do anything if they came out of the trial successful.

Today was the last evidence hearing, and most of the witnesses had already given a statement over the course of the last week. Now, last testimonies were taken before the fate of his father was to be determined at noon.

“And did he say where he was gonna go? Did he say what he was gonna do?” Relentlessly, Hitomu kept probing her like she had done to countless witnesses before. She had been less stern with those who had testified on Yuu’s behalf, but showed no mercy to those who tried to sabotage the trial.

“H-He said that…” the secretary’s voice trailed off, and she seemed to shrink down on the stand until she appeared even smaller than she had before.

Hitomu rose from her seat, and leaned over the table. “Sorry, what was that?” she asked firmly.

The secretary finally looked up. Yuu could see the tears shimmer in her eyes, and he felt chills run down his spine. “He said he was g-gonna go and teach his s-son a lesson,” the secretary finally cracked. “He was s-so _angry_.”

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. More of his tension fell off his shoulders, and when slim fingers seized his hand, he gingerly squeezed them. He reopened his eyes, and looked at Takanori, faintly returning his smile.

“So in other words, the defendant left the firm on his own, saying how he was going to teach his son a lesson. Very angrily so, as you described it. He left the firm by himself, while the security guards testified that it took them at least fifteen minutes to escort Mr. Suzuki out of the building in his drunken state. And on the same night, only an hour later, Yuu Shiroyama gets committed to the hospital with severe internal bleedings. You don’t think that’s a coincidence, do you?” Hitomu asked, her voice building up pressure with every consecutive syllable. “Especially since Mr. Suzuki and both security guards told us the same thing.”

The secretary’s eyes wandered through the auditorium again. This time, they halted on Yuu. His wounds had healed within the month they had spent preparing for the trial, and nothing but a bandage on his wrist and a scar covered by his shirt still served as reminders of what had happened. Still, she had seen him in his battered state before when he had shown up at the firm repeatedly to sort some things out. And now, tears started to stream down her face as the pressure did her in. “N-No, I don’t think so.”

“Good!” Abe exclaimed, startling the secretary. “Because we already know exactly what happened. The defendant was furious. Out of his mind. So he drove to my client’s place, and beat him to a bloody pulp.”

A slight whimper left the secretary’s lips, and she pressed her hands over her mouth, reduced to a picture of misery.

Yuu felt almost sorry for her. Almost. If she hadn’t tried to speak on his father’s behalf at first, then he would have surely felt bad for her. This way, however, he felt nothing but cold indifference towards her misery. He was so sick and tired of his father getting away with the shit he had done. Of him manipulating everyone into doing his bidding. This wouldn’t be one of those times.

Never again would he get away with his misdeeds.

“No further questions,” Hitomu ended her interrogation of the secretary.

He watched the secretary scramble to her feet and out of the room as quickly as she could manage, while she still pressed her hand to her lips, and wept silently.

Then, his gaze returned to his attorney. She stepped forward, and approached the judge cautiously. Yuu felt his body tense again. This had been the last witness. The last accountant of what had happened. The last piece of evidence had been heard. Now it was time for both parties to make their finishing statements, before the judge retreated to his room to contemplate everything and decide on a verdict.

“Your Honor,” Hitomu commenced. “The previous police investigations and medical examinations already left little doubt about what happened the night my client was attacked in his own home. That night, the defendant found out about his son’s homosexuality, and it made him furious. So, as four witnesses stated, he left the firm that night, and drove to my client’s house. There, he not only confronted him about what he had previously learnt from Mr. Akira Suzuki, but brutally assaulted his son, which resulted in a dozen serious hematoma in both face and stomach-area, as well as a broken wrist, three broken ribs and severe internal bleedings in the stomach.

“We already checked with the porter, who placed the defendant at the scene of the crime at approximately the time my client sustained those injuries. CCTV footage also places him at my client’s apartment complex, which leaves no doubt about him being there at the time of the crime.” Hitomu paused, thereby turning around and glancing at Yuu briefly, before her gaze fell to the person sitting to his left. “According to Mrs. Hanami Shiroyama, that incident wasn’t the first time the defendant had gotten physical against his son. Combined with his own confession to that three witnesses testified, and the fact that my client has no reason to lie about his accusations, there’s no doubt about the defendant’s guilt. My colleagues,” she motioned at the defense attorneys at the other table, “desperately tried to turn all of these facts around and make us believe that Mr. Suzuki was the one assaulting my client. And while he did have a motive as well, he had no way of knowing where my client lived. Plus, Mr. Suzuki wasn’t the one taken into custody with bruised knuckles only days later. Or the one who confessed to Mrs. Shiroyama, Mr. Tanabe and Mr. Matsumoto that he wanted to see my client dead. There’s no doubt about the defendant’s guilt, Your Honor.” Hitomu bowed, then returned to her table.

Yuu squeezed Takanori’s hand more tightly, and turned his head as he felt a hand on his shoulder. From behind him, Yutaka gave him a reassuring smile, forming a silent, “It’s gonna be alright” with his lips.

Yuu nodded slowly, then shifted his attention to the first defense attorney who had taken his stand in front of the judge now to present his version of the events one last time.

He held his breath as soon as the defense attorney started talking.

 

 

With a grunt, Yuu leaned onto the sink in the men’s restroom.

Hearing all those ridiculous claims the defense had made in his father’s place for the umpteenth time had almost driven him out of his mind. Takanori’s and Yutaka’s touches were the only things that had kept him from running out of the court room in the middle of their plea for innocence. Though with every word uttered, he had grown more and more nauseous. It didn’t matter how incredulous their claims were that Akira had been the one to assault him; especially since he had testified differently on the very first day of trial.

The only thing that mattered to him was the fact that after everything he had done, his father still believed he could get away with it.

“You alright?” A blonde head peeked into the restroom, before Takanori entered completely.

Yuu sighed, then shrugged unsure. “I don’t know. I just want this shit to be over already.”

Takanori stepped to him, and wrapped his arm around his waist. Tiredly, Yuu leaned into the touch, and rested his head on Takanori’s shoulder. His sleeping schedule hadn’t improved much over the last month, and he was certain it wouldn’t for quite some time. Neither had his nightmares, nor his jumpiness. But at the same time he hoped that his father’s conviction would finally get him some peace of mind.

“You know he’s not gonna get away with it, right?” Takanori assured him quietly, as though he had been able to read Yuu’s previous thoughts. “Not this time.”

“Yeah,” Yuu mumbled. He raised his hand and started to fumble with Takanori’s strands gently. “Yeah, I know. It’s just killing me to wait for the verdict.” The trial had been extremely exhausting and draining, and he was burning through his energy reserves. He didn’t think he would have been able to live through any of it without Takanori by his side.

To express his gratitude, he placed a tender kiss on Takanori’s temple. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Takanori didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned so he could look at Yuu directly, breaking their contact for a second. But he immediately made up for it by cradling Yuu’s face in his hands. An encouraging smile full of patience and support lit up his face; a smile that had acted like the sun in those last few weeks, feeding Yuu with strength when all else had failed.

Yuu leaned forward and captured the smile on his face with his lips. Desperately, he tasted the sweetness on Takanori’s lips that drew him in, overwhelmed him and nourished him at the same time.

His heartrate picked up and his eyes fell shut as Takanori returned his kiss, moving his lips against Yuu’s softly. And while they hadn’t slept together in the last weeks due to Yuu’s only slowly improving health condition, Yuu felt as though this soft, sweet kiss was everything that he needed right now. Everything he needed to keep going.

The clearing of a throat yanked them out of their kiss. In a daze, Yuu looked to the door. Face contorted painfully, Akira stared at them. “I, uh…. Sorry for interrupting you guys,” he murmured crestfallen, before he cast down his broken eyes. “They called us in. I think the judge is done. The verdict’s about to be passed.”

Yuu didn’t have time to feel ashamed or guilty for Akira catching them again. Too quickly, the anxiety devoured him. Mercilessly, it paralyzed him. Nothing, not even Takanori was able to prepare him for this.

“Let’s go,” Takanori whispered, thereby taking Yuu’s hand.

With a silent nod, he let Takanori lead him out of the men’s restroom, from where on they followed Akira back into the court room.

“All rise,” one of the court workers instructed them as the judge entered the court room.

Mutely, everyone did as they were told. Mutely, they dropped back down at the judge’s nod. Tensely, they watched as the judge sorted through some files. Yuu didn’t dare look at his father as the judge took his sweet time to ascertain the situation.

When he finally spoke, a cold hand gripped Yuu’s heart.

“Eijirou Shiroyama, you have been charged with aggravated battery on your son, Yuu Shiroyama, who sustained live-threatening injuries from said assault. You pleaded not guilty on those charges, and named Akira Suzuki as the real perpetrator. However, countless amounts of evidence have placed you at the scene of the crime, and you have not been able to come up with a sufficient alibi for the night of the crime. After reviewing the overwhelming evidence presented by the prosecution thoroughly, I’ve come to my conclusion.” The judge halted dramatically, and his gaze wandered over both attorney sides before landing on Yuu’s father, whose face was stone-cold and lacked any sort of expression.

“Eijirou Shiroyama, I hereby find you guilty of aggravated battery on Yuu Shiroyama. I sentence you to nine years of prison without the chance of early release. Furthermore, you will also be placed under a restraining order, and will not be allowed to get closer than fifty yards to your son, Yuu Shiroyama, as I consider you a danger to his physical and mental well-being.”

The loud thud of the hammer blow was as final as it was haunting.

So was his father’s face, which warped into an expression of pure rage and hatred at the verdict.

Relieved, Yuu closed his eyes as his fuming and revolting father was being escorted out of the court room in handcuffs, flanked by two police officers. He felt an arm seize his shoulder, and got pulled into an embrace. Quietly, he inhaled his mother’s soothing scent as she hugged him. One hand still holding onto Takanori’s, he wrapped his other arm around her waist. Then, the verdict finally sunk in.

Guilty.

His father had been found guilty. His bad temper had been his pitfall. They had done it. They had made his father pay. He would finally get what he deserved.

It was finally over.

 

* * *

 

With a hum, Takanori dried his face with one of the towels. Briefly, he stared as his reflection. He had slight bags under his eyes that were a testimony of the rough weeks they had gone through. But other than that, he looked fine. Even without makeup on, he still looked presentable. Acceptable. Healthy.

Overall, he looked much better than Yuu did.

Feeling worry creep up on him, he hung the towel up, and combed through his hair with his fingers. Then, the thought of Yuu made him sigh with worry. His sleeping patterns had barely improved. The nightmares wouldn’t subside, and neither would his anxiety at unforeseen touches. At least his health checks came with better results. But still, Takanori wished there was more he could do than just be there for Yuu.

With a knot forming in his stomach, he left the bathroom and tiptoed into the bedroom.

Yuu was already in bed, back turned to the door, and breathing evenly.

Silently, Takanori snuck into bed besides him, and turned off the light as soon as he had slid beneath the covers. He snuggled up to Yuu’s resting body, and wrapped his arm around Yuu’s waist.

He was just about to bury his face in Yuu’s back, when Yuu shifted. “Sorry, did I wake you?” Takanori asked quietly as Yuu groaned. He scooped aside to give him space to turn onto his back, and softly caressed Yuu’s chest.

“Nah,” Yuu declined. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled drowsily.

Takanori knew that he was repeating himself, but he didn’t know what else to do. “Are you alright?” His fingertips painted soothing circles on Yuu’s chest. He wished he could help him sleep better. He wished Yuu wouldn’t lie awake for hours at night, be it due to residual pain or the haunting memories. He wished he could take it all away. But he didn’t know how.

As a reply, Yuu simply sighed.

His sigh was answer enough. Takanori felt a painful sting in his heart. He felt so helpless and useless. Why couldn’t he make Yuu feel better? He still seemed in so much distress, even after hours of his father’s verdict. And it ripped Takanori’s heart to pieces. “Tell me how to make it better. Tell me what to do. Please. I just want to make it better.” He knew that his words were desperate, but so was he. He wanted to take the pain away from Yuu, and he had yet to succeed.

“Just kiss me,” Yuu murmured. “Will you just kiss me?”

For a moment, Takanori hesitated. Not because he didn’t want to kiss Yuu, on the contrary. But he wasn’t sure whether kissing would solve any of his issues.

However, his hesitance got melted away when he felt Yuu seize his hand that still trailed his chest. Switching off his doubtful mind, Takanori bowed down, and softly met Yuu’s lips with his own. Maybe he couldn’t give Yuu a cure to his misery. But he could at least give him solace.

They parted, and Yuu sighed again. He raised his hand, and caressed Takanori’s face gently. “I’ve missed you,” he breathed. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Although they had spent every day together, although Yuu had been staying at his place over the course of the last month, Takanori knew immediately what he meant. They had barely gotten time for themselves; Yuu had been too scarred. First, physically. But mostly, mentally. He still was, Takanori was aware of this much. And he had done his best not to pressure Yuu. To give him space. To give him time to deal. And to recover.

His understanding had barely kept his own urges and desires at bay, however. “I’ve missed you too.”

Determination drove him to kiss Yuu again, but wariness held him back in his kiss. Almost cautiously, he moved his lips against Yuu’s, relishing in the sweet taste in his mouth and the wonderful fluttering that coursed through his body.

When Yuu buried his fingers in Takanori’s strands and pulled his head down with more force, Takanori felt a jolt of want shoot through him. Still cautiously, but also hungrily, he climbed on top of Yuu. Their lips melted into one, and their tongues met in a hungry play.

But no matter how thirsty Takanori was, tonight wasn’t going to be about his wants. It was going to be about Yuu’s needs.

Tenderly, his fingers slid over Yuu’s chest, traveling south. When Yuu didn’t break the kiss, Takanori slipped his hands beneath his shirt. Greedily, he pushed the hem upwards. He moaned slightly when he felt a first indication of Yuu’s excitement rub against his inner thigh.

Spurred on by this, he tucked at the shirt. Voluntarily, Yuu pushed himself up a bit so Takanori could remove his shirt. Carelessly, he tossed it onto the floor, immediately taking possession of Yuu’s lips again. Hungrily, their tongues clashed together once more. Longingly, Takanori grinded his groin against Yuu’s, which coaxed a moan from his throat.

Reveling in the sound of Yuu’s bliss, Takanori let go of Yuu’s lips, and started to kiss his neck instead. Yuu shivered under each of his kisses, and sighed contently as Takanori nibbled at the sensitive skin. Not satiated in the slightest, Takanori’s lips wandered downward. He bit down on Yuu’s collarbone teasingly, then licked a trail over his chest until the tip of his tongue had reached Yuu’s nipple. Greedily, he circled his tongue around the bud, then wandered over to the other nipple to give it the same treatment. He slightly bit down on it as well before he sucked on it, causing Yuu to moan once more.

“I’m gonna spoil you so much tonight,” he whispered against Yuu’s chest. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.” He felt pathetic as he uttered these words; as he realized that the only way he knew how to make Yuu feel better, to take his mind off things was by sex. They had talked. They had talked a lot. But he knew that no matter how much Yuu appreciated him listening and comforting him, it wouldn’t fix anything.

Neither would this. He was no fool. He knew that it would take some time for Yuu to heal. For Yuu to pick up the pieces and rebuild himself. And he would be there with him every step of the way. But right now, he wanted to give Yuu anything and everything. He wanted to be his rock. His life-line. His solace. He wanted to make him better, if only for a little while. Even if it was through sex.

He continued to kiss a trail down Yuu’s upper body, until his lips were met with a thin, scarred line of skin. He felt Yuu stiffen, and halted in his exploration. “Don’t…” Yuu murmured. He tried to push Takanori’s face to the side, but his shoves were weak, and his hands were trembling. “It’s so ugly. It’s just… God, I wish it would just disappear.”

“I don’t,” Takanori objected tentatively. “It’s a part of you now.” He gripped Yuu’s hands with his own, and pushed them down on the mattress to keep Yuu from trying to push him away again. He understood full well how terrible Yuu must have felt every time he looked in the mirror. Every time he spotted the scar that now ran across his tummy as a physical reminder of what had happened to him. “It’s a reminder of what you’ve endured.” Gently, Takanori pressed his lips to the scar. “Of what you’ve survived.” He kissed the scar again, then ran his thumb along the course of the scar across Yuu’s tummy. “Of how strong you are.” He kissed the scar one last time. “It’s beautiful, just like everything about you.” He smirked against Yuu’s stomach. “It’s also a bit sexy,” he confessed with a murmur.

He heard Yuu laugh in disbelief; but he didn’t try to shove him away anymore. The trembling in his hands had subsided, and he lifted his hand to caress Takanori’s face with his fingertips. “You always know what to say to make me feel better, don’t you?” he whispered. “God, you’re incredible. No wonder I fell in love with you.”

His words made Takanori blush deeply, and he failed to suppress the happy giggle. “Well I’m glad you did,” he hummed, then pressed a kiss below Yuu’s belly button. “And I think I know something else that might make you feel better,” he added, then licked a wet trail from Yuu’s belly button to his waistband. He felt Yuu’s breath pick up, and with a content grin, he removed his pants. Biting down on his lower lip, Takanori seized Yuu’s erection at the shaft. He pumped it once, coaxing a hoarse moan from Yuu, before he dragged his fingernail along the pulsating vein from the shaft to the tip of Yuu’s cock. Then, he traced the same path with the tip of his tongue, having Yuu shiver and writhe beneath his touch. He placed a teasing kiss on the tip, before he finally wrapped his lips around his cock. He gave it a light suck, making Yuu moan once more. Then, he started to move his head, running his lips and tongue along Yuu’s length repeatedly until he entwined his fingers with Takanori’s strands and pulled at them to urge him to increase the speed and intensity of his sucks.

Yuu’s hips jerked upward, and the tip of his cock pierced the back of Takanori’s throat, causing him to gag lightly. However, his impatience only riled Takanori up more. His own cock started to throb with lust and want, and Takanori reached down with his free hand to palm it slightly, and soothe the desire coursing through it. Because this was about Yuu, not about him.

“You’re such a…. hgnnn… fucking…. natural,” Yuu uttered between moans.

With a grin, Takanori pulled back. “You flatter me,” he whispered with a husky voice. And no matter how much he wanted to taste Yuu, he knew he had to hold back. He wanted Yuu to cum inside of him, take all of him in, and not drink him up. He wanted Yuu to lose himself in him, and a blowjob seemed weirdly insufficient for this.

And maybe he was also a bit selfish.

He rubbed his swollen lips with his thumb, and straightened up. “Do you want me to take my clothes off as well?” he asked flirtatiously. “Do you want me to fuck myself on your big cock?”

Yuu’s stifled moan was almost answer enough. Almost.

“Do you want me to?” he asked again. Thereby, he seized Yuu’s hand, and rubbed it against his own hardening cock.

“Just do it already,” Yuu commanded huskily, grabbing Takanori’s erection and squeezing it desirously.

Now it was Takanori’s turn to moan at the touch. Reluctantly, he retreated from Yuu’s touch so he could get rid of his clothes as fast as possible, which he dumped on the floor as well. Then, he straddled Yuu again, thereby grinding his bared cock against Yuu’s. Both moaned lustfully, but Takanori leant forward to catch Yuu’s moan with his lips. They indulged in another heated kiss, during which Yuu seized Takanori’s hips, and started rocking them against his, causing their cocks to collide repeatedly.

Takanori threw his head back in another moan, only holding himself up with his arm; his whole body got shook with pleasurable tremors. Impatiently, he felt around for Yuu’s mouth, who caught his fingers and took them in. Takanori moaned again when Yuu sucked at his fingers, then bit down on his lips to keep his desires at bay. This wasn’t about him. He couldn’t be that selfish tonight.

So he pulled his fingers back out of Yuu’s mouth once they were covered in enough saliva, and wasted no time in pushing the first digit inside of himself. He felt Yuu watch him intently while he prepared himself with half-closed eyes, shivering pleasantly when his fingertips grazed his sensitive spot. However, that part of him was Yuu’s, and Yuu’s alone for the night.

When he was finished preparing himself, he pulled his fingers out of his entrance, and leaned over to the nightstand. He pulled out a bottle of lube, and slicked Yuu’s cock up properly. Then, he tossed the bottle aside carelessly, and positioned himself atop of Yuu. Tantalizingly slow, he lowered himself onto Yuu’s cock, suppressing a thrilled moan at the feeling of Yuu filling him up again.

He would have lied if he said he hadn’t missed the sex.

But he wasn’t some pubescent teenager that couldn’t control his own needs. He knew that sex wasn’t what Yuu had needed those last few weeks; hell, he wasn’t even sure whether sex was what he needed tonight. But he was at his wit’s end. He felt ashamed that he didn’t know how else to console Yuu. How else to connect with him on a most intimate basis. How else to reach him properly.

Slowly, Takanori started moving.

For a few moments, Yuu remained motionless. Then, he seized Takanori’s hips to support him, and started thrusting into him. His nails dug into Takanori’s hipbones almost painfully as he held onto him, and thrusted into him forcefully.

Takanori closed his eyes, and met each and every one of Yuu’s thrusts, moaning repeatedly as he felt Yuu’s cock move inside of him. It felt so good, it felt so fucking good to be fucked by him. When they were together like this, Takanori felt truly complete. As though their souls joined, and merged into one, just like their bodies did.

Longing for that highest form of connection, he wanted to bend forward, but Yuu beat him to it as he pushed himself upwards into as sitting position. Blindly, their lips found each other, and Takanori wrapped his legs around Yuu to let him in as deep as possible.

He moaned into the kiss when he felt Yuu’s fingers wrap around his hard cock. Ferociously, he started to stroke him, and Takanori broke their kiss as Yuu penetrated his sweet spot, moaning loudly. Spurred on by his moans, Yuu’s thrusts became even more forceful, and his strokes became more erratic and firm meanwhile his fingernails still dug into his flesh angrily. It didn’t bother Takanori in the slightest, on the contrary. Yuu’s harsh treatment put him in a state of pure ecstasy. If Yuu needed a punching bag, then he was happy to abide.

However, after a few more thrusts, Yuu halted in his movements. “S-Sorry,” he mumbled, and Takanori felt his head turn away in shame. He heard a distinct sound, which split his heart in two like it had been struck with the sharp blade of an axe. “God, this is embarrassing,” Yuu sniveled.

Takanori shook his head. “It’s not.” He felt for Yuu’s face, and his heart pulsated in pain as his fingers were met with Yuu’s wet cheeks. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, love.” Gingerly, he caressed Yuu’s face with his fingers. Gently, he wiped his cheeks with his thumbs, though new tears kept running down Yuu’s face.

Yuu had finally reached his breaking point. He was about to fall apart. And Takanori would make sure to catch him when he did. Just like he had done countless of times for him. He turned Yuu’s face around, and with another soft caress of his cheeks, he kissed Yuu again. Tenderly, this time. Devoid of any heated passion. Devoid of any needs, any demands. There was nothing but love and understanding.

With a sniveling, Yuu returned his kiss just as gingerly. Just as lovingly. The grip on Takanori’s hipbone loosened, and instead, Yuu wrapped his arms around Takanori. As though he was the one falling apart. As though he was the one who needed to be held together, when in fact it was the other way around. But at the same time, he held Takanori as though he was the most precious thing in the entire world.

The thought made Takanori’s heart race.

However, there was another thought that shook him to the core. One he became aware of when Yuu broke the kiss to bury his face in the crook of his neck. His body got shaken by violent sobs now that tore at Takanori’s heartstrings. He had known that Yuu had held back his emotions that had only seeped out in small waves. But he had completely misjudged their size. What he had thought to be but a small lake had turned out to be a vast ocean instead.

He felt shame and horror overwhelm him as he realized how much he had misjudged what Yuu needed tonight. He didn’t need Takanori’s body; it wasn’t the thing that gave him solace. Getting fucked by him wasn’t what would bring Yuu comfort. Not like this.

Cursing, Takanori retreated from him, feeling a selfish feeling of pity wash over him as Yuu’s cock slipped out. At the same time as he bit his tongue to fight off that inappropriate thought, he heard Yuu’s muffled sob. “No, don’t… please, don’t stop. D-Don’t leave me. I need you.”

His words tore Takanori’s heart to shreds. Gently, he wrapped his arms around Yuu’s shaking body; he could still feel his hot tears trickle down onto his shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered reassuringly as he softly bedded Yuu down on the mattress. He placed himself between his legs, and cradled his face in his hands. In the faint moonlight he could see his wet cheeks shimmer in silver tears. Timidly, he caressed them with his thumbs. He bowed down and repeated the same movements with his lips, softly catching the tears on Yuu’s cheeks. His lips wandered to his eyelids, to his forehead, then back down to his nose. Everywhere they went, they left soft kisses behind, until finally, they hovered over Yuu’s lips.

“I need you. Please, Nori. I need you so bad,” Yuu breathed with a hoarse voice. Pleaded, as though he was pleading for his very life.

Takanori caressed his lips ever so slightly with his own. “It’s alright,” he mumbled. “I’m here. I’ll take care of you, love.” With that, he kissed him with the most passion he could conjure up. He felt Yuu snivel against his lips, before a relieved sigh left them and he returned his kiss. Desperately, his lips moved against Takanori’s. Desperately, his arms wrapped around his shoulders to pull him closer. Desperately, his hips jerked upward so he could rub his cock against Takanori’s stomach and make him gasp at the friction.

Made him understand.

Still engrossed in the kiss, Takanori blindly felt around for the bottle of lube. His heart was pounding at the prospect, but for the first time in a while, he didn’t feel any doubt, any hesitation. The way Yuu melted against his body, the way he clung to him almost weakly, evaporated all of his doubts. All of his questions. He _knew_ that this was the right thing to do. This not only was what he himself craved, but more importantly, what Yuu _needed_. The only way in which he would truly comfort him.

Pressing sloppy kisses to Yuu’s lips, he flipped the bottle of lube open and poured some of the viscous lotion onto his trembling fingers. With a nervous fluttering, he coated them. Then, he softly kneaded Yuu’s butt cheeks, who sighed against his lips at the sensation. Spurred on, he carefully dragged his finger to Yuu’s entrance, where he slowly traced his cleft. He felt him shudder at the touch, and halted in his last throes of anxiety.

However, Yuu pushed his hips down to eagerly press himself against his finger, and Takanori groaned at his acceptance. At the realization that Yuu was okay with this. That this was truly what he wanted; what he needed. Feeling his heart beat like mad, he pushed his finger in delicately. Yuu gasped at the intrusion, then pressed out a sound between a sob and a moan. “Y-Yes…” he whispered. “Y-Yes please… more…. Please, I need more. I need you.” His voice cracked, and he sniveled again. Takanori felt his lower lip tremble against his as new sobs erupted from his throat.

Gingerly, he started to thrust into him with his finger, deliberately waiting for a short while before he added another finger to make sure he was preparing Yuu properly. He didn’t want to hurt him, after all. Fighting off his urges became even harder than he had thought when Yuu started to meet his fingers’ thrust as he pushed in the second finger. He bit down on his lip in search for restraint, carefully stretching Yuu as he reveled in his teary moans.

At the third finger, Yuu started panting loudly, his head flailing to the sides as he whimpered Takanori’s name repeatedly. As he begged for him, telling him over and over again how much he needed him. Even his chaste kisses wouldn’t calm Yuu down anymore – neither did they satiate his own urges anymore.

Finally, Takanori pulled his fingers out. He couldn’t resist the urge to stick his slick fingers into his mouth and taste Yuu. He shuddered at the taste in his mouth, and the moan Yuu pressed out as he watched him lick his fingers clean. Feeling his cock throb painfully, he poured more of the lube onto his hand, and slicked up his own cock for a change.

Yuu lifted his pelvis to help ease his entry as he gripped his hipbones. Cautiously, he pushed into the tight hotness that was Yuu, groaning as he felt his muscles constrict around him. And as he waited for Yuu to adjust to the intrusion, he felt his head start to spin. He had long forgotten how good it felt to be inside someone. How exhilarating it was to fill someone up. To give them his all.

Which was all he wanted to do for Yuu. He wanted to give him everything; but above all, he wanted to give him comfort. He wanted to show him how there was absolutely nothing ugly about his body. Nothing shameful. Nothing despicable.

Ever so slowly, he started to move inside of him, all the while he lowered his head to kiss Yuu passionately as he cradled his face in his hands again. He never wanted to let Yuu go. He wanted him to know that he was always going to be there for him. That he would always have him. That he would never be alone.

He would show him.

After a few more moments, Yuu wrapped his legs around his waist in order to be able to meet his movements properly. Takanori rolled his hips forward to thrust into him in slow movements, which made it easier for Yuu to fall into the same pace as him. Not letting go of each other’s lips, their bodies moved in synch to each other harmoniously. Not breaking free from each other, they conveyed all their feelings for each other through their bodies. Through their thrusts, through their touches, through their kisses.

Through Yuu’s tears that kept spilling out of his eyes as they loved each other.

When Yuu came undone in his arms in more than one way, Takanori simply held him close. When Yuu came undone beneath him, he knew that he had finally been able to reach him. To truly reach him. To break through to him, to knock down those walls of heartbreaking numbness he had watched Yuu go through for the last few weeks. Yuu was finally able to let go. He was finally able to let Takanori in completely. He was finally able to meet him again unconditionally.

Takanori felt as much as he rolled off of Yuu, and laid down beside him, panting heavily from his own overwhelming orgasm. He had always known that sex felt incredible. But the feeling of making love to someone was otherworldly. It made him so incredibly, stupidly happy.

“I’m sorry,” Yuu murmured as soon as he had caught his breath. He scooped over to Takanori, and his heart skipped a beat when Yuu rested his head on his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got absolutely nothing to apologize for,” Takanori repeated reassuringly. He could only imagine how much of a toll those last weeks had taken on Yuu. He had been able to see it. He had been able to scratch the surface. But he had always known that there were layers of pain and hurt locked away inside of Yuu that he had only gotten glimpses of. At the time when Yuu had broken down in his own apartment. Or the times he had tossed and turned sleeplessly at night. At the times he had started from another nightmare with a heartbreaking scream.

Just now, when he had started to cry.

Though this time, Takanori felt as though Yuu’s walls had crumbled for real.

If anything, his next words confirmed as much. “I-I can’t do this anymore,” Yuu murmured crestfallen. “I can’t bear to do this by myself. I… I think y-you were right. I-I think I need help, Nori. Someone to help me deal with this, b-because I can’t do it on my own. I-I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t work…” New tears dripped onto his shoulder, and the hand that held onto his waist started to tremble as Yuu shared this dark truth with him. As he finally trusted Takanori with the darkest parts of his soul.

And even though there was nothing holding him back anymore, Yuu wasn’t naïve enough not to realize that the demons were still clinging to him. His father had been locked away for good only a few hours before; he would never bother him again, the judge had made sure of it. However, the demons he had left Yuu with were more persistent than that. They would take much longer to eradicate from his life; and they wouldn’t be locked away behind bars. If anything, locking them away was the most dangerous thing to do to these demons.

Takanori had tried to bring this option up before, but Yuu had shut off at the mere mention of a shrink. First, Takanori had thought for him to be in denial, to be blinded by how much these demons affected and crippled him. Now, however, he came to understand that Yuu had simply been too afraid to admit that he truly did need help. That he had been too afraid to face them.

The realization made a huge weight lift off his chest. Lovingly, he started to stroke Yuu’s head, thereby running his fingers through his short strands. He had grown really fond of Yuu’s new look over the last few weeks. “We’ll get you help, love. We’ll find someone to help you cope with this. You’ll be fine, I promise. And I’m always gonna here for you, too, remember that. No matter what.” No matter that Yuu had needed some space to try and get a grip on things. No matter that during those times he hadn’t been able to give him as much support as he would have wanted to. No matter that Yuu had started crying during sex. None of it would never stop him from trying. None of it.

He would be there for Yuu every step of the way. He would be there when he reassembled his life. He would be there when he took back control of it. He wouldn’t go anywhere.

Because at Yuu’s side was exactly where he belonged.

 

* * *

 

Yuu placed his valuables in the small gray box, then stepped through the metal detector. When the guard gave him a content nod, he reclaimed his things which consisted of his phone, his keys and his wallet, and looked around the sparsely furnished room. Everything in here was gray. Gray and ugly and cold. Just like he felt on the inside.

A prison guard waved him to follow him. Silently, he led Yuu down an empty hallway; there were no doors leading away from the hallway except the large double doors at the end of the corridor. They were as massive as they were ugly, and it took the guard a few seconds to unlock and open them properly.

On the other side of the doors, there was a row of seats in front of glass windows. The guard led him to one of the unoccupied seats, and motioned at the telephone mounted at the side of the small space. Anxiously, Yuu stared through the window when he spotted movement on the other side. Another prison guard entered the room behind the glass, then bowed down to remove the handcuffs of the prisoner. At least that was what Yuu suspected he was doing.

When the guard was done, he stepped aside, and for the first time in over two weeks, Yuu was met with his father’s features. His blood ran cold as he looked at him.

His father’s expression turned from confused to raging within seconds as he spotted him. He slammed his fist on the table in a fit of anger, but got nudged against the shoulder by his guard. The orange of his overall was a weird contrast to the red on his angry face, and for a moment, Yuu averted his gaze. He gripped the phone, and pressed it against his ear. He hoped that his father couldn’t see his shaky hands.

It felt like a century in which his father just blankly stared at him. Then, his guard said something to him, which made his face twitch. Maybe he was giving him the choice of returning to his cell immediately or hear Yuu out. Finally, he seized the phone on his end of the booth. “ _What do you want, faggot?!_ ” he hissed in the most hostile tone he could conjure up. “Have you come to gloat in your victory, hm? Is that how you repay me for all the things I’ve done for you?!”

Yuu laughed dryly. He had been so scared to come here. He had been afraid to suffer another breakdown when coming face to face with his father. With his abuser. But all he felt was indifference and a plain antipathy towards the person sitting across from him. “You’ve never done anything for me,” he retorted coolly. “All you ever did was make me feel miserable. And I’ve come to return the favor.” His heartrate picked up, and Yuu took a deep breath to keep himself steady. To keep himself confident.

His father’s eyes glinted with rage. “Oh, is that so, brat? Go on then, do your worst.”

A genuine smile tugged at the corner of Yuu’s lips. He knew it was a messed up situation to be smiling in. It was a messed up situation to feel satisfaction in. But he couldn’t help himself. His father had always underestimated him. And he was going to make him regret it. He was going to pay him back tenfold. “You tried to kill me. You tried to take everything from me. And now I’ve come to take everything from you,” Yuu said matter-of-factly.

His father guffawed. He spread his arms wide open, then pressed the phone against his ear tightly. “What could _you_ possibly take from _me_? Don’t make me laugh. You’re just a pathetic bastard. I’m ashamed to have ever called you my son.”

Seemingly unfazed, Yuu narrowed his eyes. He had heard this bullshit before. About how he wasn’t his son anymore. About how he wished he had never been born. Not that Yuu cared. For all he cared, his father could burn in hell. He had never given him anything good besides his very life. Then he had tried to ruin it. He had tried to take it away from Yuu again. And it was time for him to reclaim all of it.

“I don’t give a shit whether you see me as your son. You certainly aren’t my father. You’re my birth giver, nothing more and nothing less,” Yuu hissed into the phone. “However, you did make me your successor back in the day, remember?”

The distorted grin on his father’s face froze, and Yuu was hit with another wave of satisfaction.

“I talked to Okimoto about this a few weeks back. Apparently, you’re not as good as you always thought you were. You didn’t even get to strike me out of the line of succession before you got your ass landed in here.” Disparaging, he looked around the room which was just as gray as the rest of the building, before he studied his father’s prison uniform. “You left me in charge of the firm.” Yuu shook his head in mock pity. “It’s needless to say that the merge won’t be happening anymore, is it? However–” Pretending to be deep in thought, Yuu rubbed his chin.

“ _What the fuck did you do to_ my _firm??!_ ” his father bawled, which got him another nudge from the guard.

“Me? Oh, you see. I had a nice little chat with President Matsumoto. We came to the conclusion that a merge isn’t the best course of action. Especially not with the kind of,” Yuu wrinkled his nose, “publicity you put on the firm. He did, however, agree to buy up the firm.”

His father’s face went white as a sheet. The wrath in his eyes got replaced by utter shock.

Yuu nodded as to affirm his own statement. “Yeah, that’s right. He bought our – sorry, he bought _your_ firm.” Each of their employees had been given several options. To come work under the presidency of the Matsumotos, to be referred to another law firm or to leave altogether with a big sum of redundancy money. Most of them had picked either one of the first two options. “The Shiroyama law firm is done for. It’s gone. And you won’t get it back. Even after you’ve gotten out of here.” Yuu stood, the phone still clutched in his hands. “Ma is gonna divorce you. Aiko doesn’t ever wanna see you again or have you anywhere near Koichi. Your firm doesn’t exist anymore. There’s nothing left for you when you get out. Absolutely nothing.” He narrowed his eyes as he saw his father go red with anger. However, Yuu wasn’t done with rubbing it in. Not completely yet. “How does it feel? How does it feel to have everything taken from you? How does it feel to know you’re the only one responsible for this? How does it feel to be kicked when you’re down? How does it feel to be left for dead?” He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but he successfully swallowed them down. “Now you know how I felt when you left me to die. Now you know what it felt like when I was choking on my own blood.”

A moment of silence followed, in which Yuu studied his father’s face. His father’s face that was so full of contempt and utter disbelief. “This is your legacy,” Yuu added dryly. “This is what you get.” He scrutinized his father for the last time. “See you in hell.” With that, he hung up the phone and turned around.

The screams that followed weren’t carried through the phone; they echoed from the walls as they got muffled by the glass. “ _Come back here, you filthy bastard!!!! I’m gonna fucking kill you, you cunt!!! You goddamn faggot, I’ll break your face in!!!!_ ”

Yuu didn’t turn around as his father sunk deeper in his fit of rage and despair. Feeling weirdly relieved at the thought of the prison guard taking care of his raging father, he approached the guard who had led him here, and the guard nodded. Silently, they stepped through the massive doors, which swallowed every sound of his father’s outburst as it closed behind them.

Yuu went through the same security procedures he had undergone when he had entered, then stepped out of the building. Breathing in the fresh autumn air, he slowly trotted over to the parking lot.

When he neared his car, the passenger door opened, and a small figure exited the vehicle. His heart skipped a beat as he spotted Takanori, and his pace increased.

“How’d it go?” Takanori blurted out as soon as Yuu halted in front of him. The apprehension was clearly visible on his face, and Yuu felt immediate guilt wash over him.

He knew that he had worried Takanori greatly over the last weeks. And like a brave soldier, he had quietly endured all of it; he had supported him without relent, without question. And Yuu loved him for it. Even though Takanori couldn’t see it himself, he had always given Yuu exactly what he had needed. Space. Patience. Understanding. Love. Support.

And he wanted to do nothing more than repay him for that. Repay him for his kindness and unwavering support that had gotten Yuu through the toughest weeks of his life.

“Pretty good,” Yuu answered truthfully. While he had been anxious as hell to meet his father again, he knew that this was something that he had needed to do. It had been pivotal for him to close this painful chapter of his life once and for all.

He pressed a quick kiss to Takanori’s lips, and felt his arms wrap around his waist. “You sure?” Takanori probed.

“Hmm,” Yuu hummed affirmatively. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He finally felt as though he could breathe again properly. He had felt like this once before; the night they had slept with each other after weeks of absence. When he had started to cry and Takanori had done nothing but hold him close, kiss him and comfort him.

That night he had found himself without a doubt about the fact that he loved Takanori. He loved him like he had never loved anyone before.

“Tell me how you feel.”

Takanori had picked up the habit of asking him to do this after their night together two weeks ago. And to Yuu, this phrase wasn’t demanding at all. He knew he could always refuse to give him an answer. It was always up to him to reply. At the same time, Yuu felt oddly relieved about this habit Takanori had acquired; somehow, it was different than all those other questions. All those other empty phrases people tended to toss around. No, _How are you?_ , and no, _Are you alright?_ where people usually expected a positive answer. No. When Takanori used this phrase, he utterly and genuinely wanted Yuu to tell him how he felt.

Yuu wrapped his arms around Takanori’s hips and pulled their bodies closely together. “A bit weird,” he answered after a moment of contemplation. For some unknown reason, it was way easier for him to answer truthfully when Takanori used this phrase. “Happy, to be honest. I’m so glad you came here with me. I don’t think I could’ve done it by myself. So thank you.” He bent forward, and pressed a ginger kiss to Takanori’s nose, who blushed as a response all the while giggling cutely.

“Anything else?” Takanori inquired, snuggling up more closely to Yuu as an icy wind blew across the parking lot of the penitentiary.

Yuu averted his gaze, and looked up into the blue sky. There was one feeling inside of him he hadn’t been able to place yet. Absent-mindedly, he watched as a single bird cut through the sky, chasing after the clouds as it bared its wings against the merciless wind. And though it seemed to struggle, it didn’t seem to mind either. Relentlessly, it kept on flying until the gust of wind had calmed down again.

“Free,” Yuu whispered as he finally grasped the feeling. “I feel free.”

His whole life had been dictated by his father. His whole life he had felt trapped. Trapped in his own body that hadn’t behaved as he had wanted it to. Trapped in his father’s firm, in his father’s presence that had always lingered over him like a dark shadow, ready to devour him and throw him into darkness.

And then, Takanori had stepped into his life and the sun had started to rise. His light had chased away all the darkness, and it had shown Yuu a different path.

He had decided to keep on practicing as a lawyer in the Matsumotos’ law firm. Hiroto had offered it to him, and Yuu hadn’t found it in himself to refuse. Not that he had truly wanted to. He rather liked being a lawyer; the only thing his father hadn’t completely screwed him over with. He liked being a lawyer, he just hadn’t liked being one under his father’s thumb.

But other than that, he had decided to cut all ties with his father. Everything that reminded Yuu of him. He had disassembled his precious firm until nothing had been left of it. In a few more minutes, he would turn his back on this penitentiary and on his father for good. He would turn away and never look back again. He would reassemble his life and rebuild it in his own image, with Takanori by his side. He had finally broken free of the shackles his father had spent years chaining him up in. And he wouldn’t miss a single second of it.

He gave Takanori another quick kiss on the lips, then rested his forehead against Takanori’s. He still couldn’t put this overwhelming feeling of happiness into words. At least not properly.

However, Yuu had learnt that often, the little things were what really counted. He had learnt that happiness could be conveyed through the simplest things. That it could be shared through the simplest gestures, and the simplest words. And so he did.

“Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, this chapter was a bitch to edit. Mostly because I only worked in the switch just now (after I decided a few months ago, HEY, Taka should be the one to top this time after all to comfort Yuu (which I had planned originally but then chickened out of), bc WHY NOT MAKE UP YOUR MIND FOR ONCE, BRAIN??) Anyway, I hope I didn't miss too many typos and errors, since I didn't really proofread that additional part anymore OTL. I hope it's okay. And I hope you'll like this chapter. The next one will be an epilogue~ And then, this story will finally be completed, after over a year. Omg, it's still so surreal.
> 
> Again, so many thanks for your guys' support and love, they mean the world to me!!
> 
> Also, would anyone be interested in me sharing the link to a LR-inspired playlist I made? I shared the one my friend Milo made for me and the story before but there wasn't much feedback on it, so I thought I'd ask first haha.
> 
> EDIT: maybe it's my own fault for calling this chap the "last real/official" one. It's not the end yet though. It's a wrap up for most of the threads, yes. But not the real end. There is still one chapter left to this story. So please stop treating this one like the story is over already. I'm just agitated to have people talk about nothing but how the story is basically over in the comments when it's not yet done.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my oh my oh my. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make y'all wait this long for the last chapter of this story. April was a busy and exhausting and frustrating month agh and a lot of things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. And motivation to work on editing and uploading this chapter was a bitch as well. But, enough complaining.
> 
> I meant to upload the chapter last night, but then making the post for the playlist inspired by this fic took ages, and I decided to wait till today to post the chapter. 29th April. The anniversary of the day I discovered the Gazette. There could've hardly been a better day to end this fic, wouldn't you agree~? Anyway, please enjoy the last chapter ♥

**Epilogue**

 

“Babe, you’re in the way.”

Takanori turned around, then dodged Yuu, who was balancing a stack of plates. With an amused roll of his eyes, he opened the dishwasher, then stepped aside completely. “You know you could’ve made two rounds, right?”

Yuu unloaded the plates onto the counter, and started to sort them into the dishwasher. “Why? I managed just fine, didn’t I?”

With the shake of his head, Takanori resumed cleaning up the cooking utensils. He filled the leftovers from dinner into Tupperware containers, and stowed them in the fridge, then soaked the cooking pots in the sink. “You almost crashed into me and shattered my mom’s valuable porcelain,” he mocked teasingly.

Yuu, who had finished sorting the plates into the dishwasher, stepped behind Takanori, and wrapped his arms around him. “I had everything perfectly under control,” he murmured against Takanori’s ear, and pulled him against his body. “I wouldn’t risk making your mom angry, now would I?”

Takanori snorted. “Please.” He turned around in Yuu’s arms, snatched some of his dark strands and twirled them around his index finger. “As though you could ever do anything to make her angry. You’re the perfect son-in-law in her eyes, you know that, don’t you?”

In mocked disbelief, Yuu’s eyes widened. Then, he grinned smugly. Knowingly.

With another roll of his eyes, Takanori tugged at the strand of Yuu’s hair. “I knew it. Smug bastard.” His mother and Yuu had hit it off immediately, and over the course of the last months, he had watched their bond grow immensely. It made Takanori incredibly happy. Not just his parents’ approval of Yuu, but the genuine liking on both sides. Luckily enough, they hadn’t been distrustful of Yuu in the slightest – probably because he was the reason that Takanori had gotten over his broken heart. The reason why he smiled so ridiculously bright all the time. Just like he did right now.

“Do you think she likes me?” Yuu asked, voice full of playful insecurity.

Takanori tugged at his strands again. “Oh no, I’m afraid she hates you. If you’re not careful, she’s gonna turn into an old hag and chase you out of the house with her broomstick.”

For a moment, Yuu kept a straight face. Then, he burst into laughter. “Did you just call your mom a witch?” he chuckled.

A shrug was his only answer. Takanori was far too preoccupied listening to his ringing laughter to conjure up a smug reply. For a while, he hadn’t thought to ever hear Yuu laugh this carelessly again. Even after the ordeal with his father had been dealt with, he had still struggled. Had still woken up from nightmares. Had still shied away from touches. Had still broken down crying when memories had overwhelmed him. But over the course of the last months, he had watched Yuu flourish again slowly, like a flower that had been sprung into blossom under the rays of sunshine in spring. He had known beforehand how good therapy did Yuu; but to see the evidence displayed on his face in a wide, beaming grin and a delighted shimmer in his eyes made Takanori’s heart grow lighter in relief.

“Seriously, though,” Yuu added, his face growing more serious. “I’m glad your parents like me.”

Takanori sighed as Yuu’s face grew glum. He felt disappointment at the fleeting nature of his cheerfulness wash over him. He would have given anything to see Yuu smile for the rest of their lives, and not have a single frown of sorrow edged into his forehead anymore. “Your mom likes me as well, you know that, don’t you?”

Yuu averted his gaze, and his grip around Takanori’s waist loosened a bit. “I know she does. It’s just-“ he broke off and shrugged helplessly. “I know she doesn’t say it out loud, but I know she doesn’t approve of this.”

His fingers let go of Yuu’s strands, and he seized his nape to make Yuu look at him. “I know it’s tough,” he whispered. It had taken Yuu’s mother a while to adjust to her son being gay, and even now she flinched every now and then when she caught them exchange caresses. “She just needs more time than my parents to take stuff like this in and process it. That’s all.” Even though she was still a bit reserved around him from time to time, Takanori knew it didn’t come from a place of evil or mal-intent. He had expected nothing less than her hesitancy. He hadn’t expected her to jump for joy when they had moved in together. And while even other people might have considered this move to be a hasty one, they had talked about it in length and agreed that it had been the right thing to do.

Yuu had needed to quit his apartment one way or the other, and they had decided that it had been much more reasonable for him to just officially move in with Takanori altogether. Their relationship had been going good and strong the last few months, and they both hadn’t seen the necessity to ‘take things slow’.

Which was exactly what Yuu was referring to when he mentioned his mother.

He watched Yuu sigh in defeat. To his relief, however, the grip on his waist tightened again. “I guess you’re right. I’m just a bit frustrated, I guess. I wish she was a bit more like your parents,” he confessed, then shrugged. “That’s not fair, though, is it?” he laughed sheepishly. “Ma’s great.”

Takanori smiled. “She is.”

He had gotten the chance to get to know her better over the last months as well, especially over the holidays. And he genuinely liked her. Though he did understand that she simply needed more time and they needed to just be patient with her. A lot of things had changed for her out of the blue, and she had been confronted with a lot of issues she hadn’t even considered before. Any sane human being needed time to adjust to things like that.

Standing on tiptoes, Takanori kissed Yuu gently. One thing he himself had had no troubles adjusting to at all was the reality of waking up to Yuu every morning. Of being able to kiss and hold him whenever he wanted to. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world.

As was the feeling of Yuu returning the kiss, thereby placing one hand on his cheek. Happy, Takanori smiled into their kiss. His smile widened as he heard the distinct sound of paws on the floor, followed by a delighted bark. A few seconds later, he felt Koron sneak around their legs. Undisturbed, he just kept kissing Yuu.

Then, a voice cut through the silence.

“What are you doing, uncle Yuu?”

Immediately, Yuu started, and withdrew from Takanori. A deep blush covered his cheeks as he turned around to Koichi, who stood in the door frame, head tilted to the side. He must have been chasing Koron around his parents’ holiday house in which they had all been celebrating Christmas in, when he had stumbled upon them in the kitchen.

“I… uhm…” Anxiously, Yuu ran his fingers through his hair.

“Why were you and Taka doing what mommy and daddy always do?” he kept asking in his juvenile curiosity, and Takanori pressed his fist to his lips to stifle the giggle.

Curiously, Koichi came closer until he halted in front of them. He looked from Yuu to Takanori and back to Yuu; Koron was almost forgotten at the new curiosity he had just discovered.

Exhaling heavily, Yuu squatted down before him. As far as Takanori knew, Koichi had no clue about them – or about homosexuality in that regard.

Tentatively, Yuu seized Koichi’s hands, as he still fumbled for words. “You see, uhm… Nori and I… we’re… the reason why we…”

“Koichi? Ah, there you are,” a female voice resounded. Biting down on his lower lip, Takanori watched as Hanami entered the kitchen as well. Confused, she came to a halt as she spotted them. “What’s going on here?” she asked alert, picking up the hint of awkwardness that lay in the air.

“It’s nothing, ma,” Yuu breathed embarrassedly.

“Uncle Yuu kissed Taka!” Koichi exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. His tone wasn’t disgusted like children his age often tended to be about ‘adult’ stuff. It was entranced and curious.

Hanami’s eyes widened in shock. Her mouth opened, but no word left her lips. Takanori felt grateful for it. Yuu was struggling with this situation enough already; they didn’t need for his mother to panic and make things even more complicated in the end.

Takanori just wanted to jump in and help him, when Yuu finally spoke again. His voice was soft and calm this time. Collected. “You see, buddy, I like Nori a lot. I like him like your mommy and daddy like each other.”

A bit skeptical, Koichi looked from Yuu to Takanori. Takanori seized the opportunity. He stepped forward, and placed his hand on Yuu’s shoulder. “You see, normally a girl likes a boy, right? Like your mommy and daddy. But sometimes,” he looked down at Yuu, who glanced at him gratefully, “it happens that two boys like each other. Or two girls. And while that’s a bit more unusual, it’s totally okay as well.” He squeezed Yuu’s shoulder, who covered his hand with his own.

Koichi frowned. “It’s always okay to like someone like my mommy and my daddy like each other, right?” he asked baffled. Then, his eyes started to glint. “Does that mean you’re gonna marry Taka one day like daddy married mommy?” he asked, thereby bouncing up and down excitedly. “Does that mean Taka is gonna be my uncle as well?”

Yuu laughed happily. “It’s totally okay,” he agreed. Then he booped Koichi’s nose, before he glimpsed at Takanori again. His cheeks blushed, then he returned his gaze to his nephew. “I’m totally gonna marry him one day if he agrees,” he whispered, and the glint in Koichi’s eyes grew more intense. “But he can be your uncle already if you want him to be. Right?” Yuu looked at him once more, a crooked smile on his face.

Takanori returned his smile, meanwhile his heart was racing in his chest as Yuu’s words echoed in his soul. “Totally!” Quickly, his eyes darted to Hanami, who blankly stared at Yuu as though she was seeing him for the very first time. And while Takanori had given almost anything to be able to read her thoughts right now, he thought it to be better to just keep quiet and focus on Koichi instead.

The boy’s whole face lit up. “Can I call you uncle Taka then?” he begged with adorably wide eyes that made Takanori want to hug him immediately.

He bent down, and ruffed Koichi’s hair. “You bet.”

Delighted, Koichi turned around. “Grandma, did you hear that?” he shouted happily. “Taka is my uncle as well!” Joyous, he looked around the room until he had spotted Koron, who was chewing on his toy chew bone. “Koron-chan! Come on, we gotta tell mommy!” With that, he darted out of the kitchen; Koron chased after him with wiggling tail and happy barks, the chew bone left abandoned on the cold kitchen tiles.

For a moment, they all kept staring after Koichi and the Chihuahua. Then, Yuu slowly straightened up. Hesitancy showing in his eyes, he looked at his mother.

Silently, Hanami stared back, as though she was deep in thought. Then, she wordlessly walked over to them. Swiftly, her gaze flickered to Takanori, before it returned to her son. She lifted her hand, and caressed his cheek. “I haven’t made things easy for you, have I?” she asked quietly. “To be completely honest, I didn’t know how serious things were for you.” Again, her gaze shifted between Yuu and Takanori. “Until just now.” She stroked Yuu’s cheek with her thumb.

Yuu remained silent for a moment. “You mean the reason why you reacted so reserved when I told you that Nori and I had moved in together was-“

“Not because he’s a man,” she completed his sentence. She shook her head. “Honey, I don’t care about that. It doesn’t matter to me who you’re with as long as you’re happy. I’m sorry if I haven’t made that clear yet.” She looked at Takanori. “To either of you.” She shook her head with a sigh. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that my precious boy is gay, I swear to you. I was just worried you guys were rushing things. Because I wasn’t aware of how serious things were between the two of you.”

A soft smile stretched on Takanori’s lips. Koichi’s and Yuu’s little talk about them marrying must have left a deep impact on her. Deeper than any of them had realized. And while they both knew that serious talk about a marriage was much too soon, neither of them ruled it out either. And Takanori loved it when Yuu said things like that. It made his heart pound and his stomach flutter. If they kept going the way their relationship was headed in, there was no doubt for him that he would indeed marry Yuu one day. He didn’t care if they had to get married in another country if Japan hadn’t stepped up its tolerance game until the day came.

“Ma, I don’t know what to say.” Yuu lowered his head almost shamefully, even though he had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Just say you’ll forgive me.”

Yuu huffed incredulously, then stepped forward to hug her tightly. “Of course, ma.”

They retreated, and Hanami turned to Takanori. “Can you forgive me as well?” she asked hesitantly.

Takanori’s eyes widened in surprise. “There’s nothing to forgive,” he replied truthfully. In terms of worst parents ever, they already knew all too well who took the cake. Hanami Shiroyama was miles away from stooping to such a low level. She wasn’t like her soon-to-be-ex-husband. She was hesitant to trust people, she needed some time to adjust, sure. But in the end, she always came around.

“Then how about this?” She opened her arms. “I think I’ve yet to welcome you to our family, don’t I?”

With a surprised but genuine smile, Takanori stepped into her embrace.

 

 

“Aiko, don’t!” Yuu grunted a lazy warning as he saw Takanori enter the living room with another round of drinks.

With an inebriated grin, she raised her glass of wine to him. “Welcome to the familyyyy!” she hiccupped, completely ignoring Yuu’s lackluster warning.

Yuu rolled his eyes at his sister’s antics, but grinned a tipsy grin as he saw Takanori’s astonished face. “I’m sorry,” he grumbled. “She asked what we were doing with ma in the kitchen earlier for so long. So I told her.” He shrugged apologetically, then giggled.

Yutaka and Kouyou both laughed as well, then accepted their new drinks from Takanori. The elders had already retreated to their rooms for the night, and Koichi had been tucked into bed some hours ago, leaving them as the only ones still up. So naturally, alcohol had started to flow. And naturally, embarrassing stories had been dug up.

Just like the story about him coming out to his nephew.

“Why thank you,” Takanori grinned at Aiko, then handed Daisuke his bottle of beer, who had his arm wrapped around Aiko’s shoulder.

Yuu took his bottle from Takanori, and watched him as he walked over to the armchair he had previously resided in. With a frown, Takanori came to a halt in front of it, head tilted to the side. “What’s the matter?” Yuu asked, meanwhile the others had indulged in the next embarrassing story – this time Daisuke was the victim.

“My seat’s been taken.” Takanori turned around with a cute pout, and pointed at the armchair. He swayed lightly, having consumed a good amount of alcohol already, just like the rest of them.

Only now did Yuu notice the snoring Chihuahua in the armchair, who had snuck up on them without anyone noticing and had claimed the seat previously occupied by Takanori.

“Well that’s unfortunate, love,” Yuu retorted in a teasing manner, but the grin froze on his face as he saw the mischievous glint in Takanori’s eyes.

“Hmm, it truly is,” Takanori whispered, then headed straight for Yuu. As straight as he could manage to walk in his tipsy state, anyway.

Yuu blushed furiously as Takanori simply dropped down in his lap, sneaking his arm around Yuu’s neck. Totally unfazed, he took the bottle of beer from Yuu and nipped at it, then caressed his ear with his lips. “This’ll do nicely.” He shifted in Yuu’s lap, thereby grinding his ass against his groin, which caused Yuu to inhale sharply.

“I thought you were done drinking for the night,” Yuu breathed, desperately trying to distract himself from the feeling of Takanori’s cute ass tantalizing him in public.

Takanori snuggled up closer, and nibbled at his earlobe. “I changed my mind,” his breath caressed Yuu’s ear once more, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. Then, he blatantly started to kiss Yuu’s neck, totally oblivious to their friends, who only sat a few feet away from them.

“Stop it,” Yuu half-moaned, trying to push Takanori away. However, the pout he flashed him as a reply made his resistance shrink considerably. It melted away completely when Takanori seized his face and joined their lips in a passionate kiss.

All too willingly, Yuu indulged him, greeting his tongue with a content sigh. He had long stopped worrying about their friends spotting them when they showed each other any form of affection, and he might have been too tipsy to still care about their presences as he allowed Takanori to shove his tongue down his throat.

He didn’t even fully register when something hit him on the upper arm, nor did he distinguish the clang his ears picked up as a crown cork falling to the floor. He did, however, catch Yutaka’s voice. “Ewww, get a room you two, will ya?!” he shouted in a tone that was supposed to be serious – if his voice hadn’t cracked with laughter at the end.

“Give them a break,” Kouyou joined in with a chuckle, who was at least as tipsy as Yuu was – if not even more so. “Those poor teenagers barely know how to handle all of their hormones.”

Yuu felt Takanori loosen his grip on his face, and opened his eyes a bit. He saw him flip them off, and grinned into the kiss. He loved it when Takanori was being bossy, in bed and out. However, he didn’t want to push their luck, so he retreated from the kiss.

Takanori’s eyes glimmered furiously, and he looked at their best friends. “Spoilsports,” he groaned in annoyance.

Daisuke laughed. “I’m sure you guys will have plenty of time for that later on,” he arbitrated, and winked at Yuu.

With another groan, Takanori took yet another sip from Yuu’s beer. A big one. Scolding, Yuu took the bottle from him, and put it down on the table. “I think you’ve had enough,” he smirked as he spotted the treacherous hint of red on Takanori’s cheeks.

“What’s the point of alcohol if you can’t get drunk?” Takanori objected with a whine, and tried to bend over to the table to get the bottle back.

With an amused grin, Yuu locked his arms around his middle, and pulled him backwards against his chest. “Uh-uh, don’t you dare.” He wrapped his arms around Takanori more tightly, and held him in place as he tried to struggle free and get another sip of alcohol.

“Bastard!” Takanori cursed, and ground his ass against Yuu’s cock again, who panted at the stimulation.

“Guys, some help?” he pressed out, desperately trying to hold back a moan as Takanori kept rocking back and forth on his groin to try and get the bottle. And while Takanori certainly was a cute drunk, he was also a piece of work when he got wasted. Plus, Yuu really didn’t feel like nurturing his hangover the next morning. He was totally fine with all of them getting tipsy, but he truly didn’t want things to escalate; especially not on Christmas Eve.

The others kept laughing and watching them wrestle for at least another minute, before Kouyou took pity on Yuu and brought the bottle of beer over to his side of the table – far out of Takanori’s reach. With a defeated grunt, Takanori sank against Yuu’s chest. “I hate you guys,” he murmured, but snuggled up to Yuu, which seriously undermined his words.

His pants still feeling uncomfortably tight around his groin, Yuu stroked Takanori’s thigh. “How about we get some fresh air, babe?” he whispered into Takanori’s ear. His offer wasn’t uttered with any ulterior motives – not that he considered sex in the freezing cold surrounded by snow as desirable – and yet, Takanori still nodded zealously as though he had invited him up to his room.

A bit shaky on his legs, Takanori scrambled to his feet, and reached for Yuu’s hand. “Come on, let’s go then, dummy,” he pouted, waving with his hand impatiently as Yuu took his sweet time in getting up as well.

With a smile, Yuu seized his hand. “See you guys in a bit!”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Yutaka shouted after them as they were on their way out of the living room.

This time, Yuu was the one flipping him off.

 

 

With a content sigh, Takanori breathed in the cold winter air. “This feels incredible.”

Tightening his grip on Takanori’s hand, Yuu nodded. The cold air had helped clear their heads and bodies immensely, and they had both sobered up again. Painting tender circles on the back of Takanori’s hand with his thumb, Yuu stared out onto the dark ocean. “It’s beautiful,” he mused as he watched the waves softly crash against the shore as the moon lit up the snow in a silvery glint.

“Hmm,” Takanori hummed.

Yuu threw a side-glance at him. Blonde strands stuck out beneath a black, knitted hat, and his scarf was pulled up to the chin. Little clouds of breath danced before his lips and nose as he breathed the soothing air. “So utterly beautiful,” Yuu repeated, catching Takanori’s attention.

His head turned, and he caught Yuu’s look which was still fixated on his face. Though Yuu couldn’t see it in the dark night only illuminated by the moon, he was certain that Takanori was blushing, for he gnawed at his lower lip in embarrassment. “Likewise,” he mumbled almost shyly.

“You know, when you first suggested for us all to spend the holidays out here, I thought you had gone mental,” Yuu admitted with a sheepish laugh.

Takanori raised his eyebrows. “Well, thanks a lot,” he sulked, and his lips pulled into that most adorable pout.

With a laugh, Yuu bent forward and pecked his cheek. “I wasn’t done yet,” he smiled. “When you first told me about it, I thought it was far too crazy. But you convinced me otherwise. And you were right.” He squeezed Takanori’s hand tightly. “It was a wonderful idea. And it’s been such a wonderful time. I love every minute of it.”

At his words, Takanori beamed. Proudly, he straightened up. “You think so?”

Yuu nodded. “Definitely.” He contemplated for a moment, not sure whether he ought to steer their conversation in this direction. However, the urge to get these things off his chest was far too strong. “I think we needed this. All of us. You know, after all that crap with my birth giver.” He rarely ever mentioned his father anymore outside of therapy. Where it concerned him, that man was dead to him. That didn’t mean that his memory was wiped off Yuu’s mind completely, however. That every trace he had ever left on any of them had just vanished without any remnants. It had taken Yuu a long while of avoidance and denial to finally accept that. It had taken a lot for him to accept that just like some of his physical scars, the mental ones his father had left him with would stay forever. Which did not mean that the road to recovery was a completely hopeless one, though.

Accepting that had been a tough challenge for sure. As had been learning to deal with his emotions properly; to resist the urge to push each and every thought, each and every emotion and impulse connected to his father down instead of working through them. But during their last session before Christmas break, his therapist had told him that he had been making good progress on that front. It didn’t always feel like it, but Yuu had also thought to never be able to fully enjoy himself anymore for the longest time – only to find himself proven wrong in the presence of all those people who loved and accepted him the way he was.

“I’m not just talking about me,” he added after a moment of silence and contemplation. “I’m also talking about Aiko. And mom. And you. I know I’ve put you through a lot as well.”

“You know it’s not a big deal,” Takanori replied softly.

Yuu lifted his hand to remove a strand of hair from Takanori’s face. “I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it, now does it?” He was going to be eternally grateful for the things Takanori had done for him. For the things he continued to do for him. For the things he constantly gave him.

Takanori’s lips pressed into a thin line. Thoughtfully, he studied Yuu’s face. Then, he lifted their hands and pressed a kiss to Yuu’s fingers. “If we’re talking about things we appreciate, then I got something to say as well.” He looked up from their hands into Yuu’s eyes, whose heart had skipped a beat at the words. “I’m not the only one who did the crazy thing, you know? The seemingly impossible thing.” He paused for a moment, in which he lifted his free hand to run his thumb along Yuu’s lower lip. “I thought it was impossible for me to get over my broken heart. I thought I could never fall in love again. More so, I thought it were better if I never allowed myself to fall for anyone ever again. That the high wasn’t worth the low. That it just wasn’t worth the risk. But you convinced me otherwise.”

Yuu’s heartrate accelerated as Takanori uttered the exact same words he had just used. His stomach fluttered at the content of his words. Speechlessly, he stared at Takanori. Stared at the man he was so utterly and helplessly in love with. Stared at the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

He didn’t know what to say. So instead, he bent forward, and kissed Takanori gently. His eyelids fell shut, and his heart hammered against the inside of his chest as he tasted those soft lips. As he caught that sweet scent. As he felt Takanori’s body press close.

He let go of Takanori’s hand, and wrapped his arm around his waist to pull him even closer. If it were up to Yuu alone, he would never let go of him again.

Their lips parted, and in a happy daze, Yuu watched Takanori open his eyes ever so slowly. As though he had enjoyed their tender kiss as much as he had. As though he felt as happy and comfortable as Yuu did.

As though he felt as intensely as Yuu did.

Caressing his cheek with his thumb, Yuu silently studied Takanori’s beautiful face. He felt lighter after they had said those things that had been unsaid for a while. After they had spoken those things on their minds and in their hearts.

Alas, there was one last thing Yuu wanted to tell him.

One thing he had meant to tell him for a while, but had always held back for some unknown reason. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to pressure Takanori. Maybe he had wanted to make sure that what they had not only was real, but also there to stay.

“Tell me how you feel,” Takanori’s voice was a faint whisper in the cold, peaceful night.

And as Yuu stared at him, his face framed by the silvery moonlight, he felt that the right time had finally come.

“I love you.”

There was no rejection on Takanori’s face. No contempt. No disgust.

Not this time.

Instead, the most beautiful smile formed on his lips.

He didn’t turn his back. He didn’t walk away.

Not this time.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Yuu’s neck tightly.

“I love you, too.”

Feeling an incredible wave of utter happiness wash over him, Yuu broke into a smile as well. Laughing out his joy, he swooped Takanori up in his arms, and swirled him around.

With a surprised shriek, Takanori clung to his neck, but laughed as well as they spun around.

“Sorry,” Yuu gasped as they came to a halt. “You just make me so incredibly happy.”

“You make me incredibly happy as well,” Takanori breathed. He entwined his fingers with Yuu’s strands, and pulled his head close. Their lips locked in a kiss full of tender passion, and Yuu held Takanori so close he was sure he could feel his heartbeat. It must have raced just as much as Yuu’s own heart did as Takanori’s words echoed in his mind.

And while they stood in a field of snow, surrounded by the bright moonlight, and kissed, Yuu felt it with every fiber of his body.

His heart belonged to Takanori. Just like Takanori’s heart belonged to him. And while this knowledge was more than enough for him, there was one more thing he was certain of beyond any doubt.

One day, he would most certainly marry him.

 

**T H E  E N D**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. My first baby is officially finished, wahhh. I'm so happy and proud. But most of all, I'm just incredibly grateful to all of you. To all of you who read this fic, who left sweet and encouraging comments, who gave kudos at some point. To each and every one of you who supported this fic outside of AO3, be it by sharing the links or liking them, or just sharing your thoughts about this story with me in private conversations~ Every single one of these actions meant the world to me. I would have never imagined this story to go off this way, I mean it. Truth be told, my stories were never "that" popular. They never did "that" great, and they most certainly never received much feedback. Which were parts of the reason why I hadn't written in years before I started to work on this fic. But my anxiety (and tendency to abandon fics due to massive self-doubts) pushed me to finish this fic before I uploaded the very first chapter. This not only allowed for you guys to enjoy a complete story that wouldn't be abandoned at one point, but also made it possible for me to edit each and every chapter to the best of my abilities and hopefully make them turn out as best as they could. I never could've anticipated this huge feedback and popularity of the fic, and it means the world to me. Thank you guys so much, all of you. Especially those who dealt with my self-doubts and self-deprecating thoughts that still plagued me from time to time. You got me through this. Thanks to you all I was able to complete this story today. To complete the upload. I can't thank you all enough.
> 
> Special thanks go to Ino, Milo and Kiki. Ino for being the guinea pig and reading the first draft of the story, and enduring all of my whining and troubles with this fic, and for helping me improve it as best as I could. To Milo for dedicating his time and efforts into making a special playlist for this fic. And to Kiki for creating her lovely moodboard, also inspired by this very story. I love you guys so much T-T
> 
> Last but not least, I prepared a little something for you all hehe~ This is a [master post](https://dogmaticdeux.tumblr.com/post/184533419466/since-im-finally-done-with-the-story-the/) for this story, it contains all of the aforementioned moodboards and playlists etc and is just a post for everyone who might feel like it to reminisce about this story with me. Because I will always keep it in my heart ♥
> 
> Okay, this are my final words for real though! If you liked the story, I'd be happy to welcome you to any of my other stories (I'm currently working on my new longer project which will contain parents!Aoiki heh~). If you are interested about updates on any of my stories, and other stuff related to them, please feel free to follow me on [tumblr](https://dogmaticdeux.tumblr.com/) or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/panasceas)!


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